Newspaper Page Text
PROFESSIONAL. CARDS.
R. 11. JONES,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
ELBERTON, GA.
Special attention to the collection of claims, [ly
SHANNON & WORLEY,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
ECKERTON, GA.
WILL PRACTICE IN THE COURTS OF
the Northern Circuit and Franklin county
Special attention given to collections.
J. S. BARNETT,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
ELBERTON, GA.
JOHN T. OSBORN,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW,
ELBERTON, GA.
WILL PRACTICE IN SUPERIOR COURTS
and Supreme Court. Prompt attention
to the collection of claims. nevl7,ly
E. J. GARTRELL,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
ATLANTA , GA,
PRACTICES IN THE UNITED STATES Clß
cuit and District Courts at Atlanta, and
Supreme and Superior Courts of the State.
EEBERTON BUSINESS C ARDS.
LJJBOWMAN & CO-,
REAL ESTATE AGENTS
EEBERTON GA.
WI LL attend to .the business of effecting
sales and purchases of REAL ESTATE
as Agents, on REASONABLE TERMS.
Applications should be made to T. J.
BOWMAN. Seplo-tf
USHT CARRIAGES & BUOGIES.
J. F\
Ml* WAIYR
EEBERTON, GEORGIA.
WITH GOOD WOK KM ON !
LOWEST PRICES!
CLOSE PERSONAL ATTENTION TO
BUSINESS, and an EXPERIENCE
OE 27 YEARS,
lie hopes hy honest ;ui<t fair dealing to compete
any other manufactory.
Good Buggies, warranted, - $125 to $l6O
KIOPAIRING AND BLACKSMITH INC.
Work done in this line in t Very best stylo.
The Heist Planless
TKIIMS CASH.
H yJW-l v
M. BARFIELD,
(
THU 11 I: Al. J.IVU
Fashionable Tailor,
Up-Stairs, over Swift & Arnold’s Store,
ELBERTON’, GEORGIA.
B*sTOnll a,n<l See Him.
TH I<: ELHLirrON
DKIJG STORE
fl. 0. EDMUNDS, Proprietor.
Has always on hand a full lino of
Pure Drugs and Patent Medicines
Makes a specialty of
STATIONERY ,>
PERFUMERY
Anew assortment of
WRITING PAPER & ENVELOPES
Plain and fancy, jnst. received, including a sup
ply ot LEGAL CAP.
CIO AUS ANI) TOBACCO
of all varieties, constantly on hand.
F. A. F. MOB LETT,
mmmi mason,
ELBERTON, GA.
Will contract for work in STONE and BRICK
anywhere in Elbert and Hart counties. [jelli-Cni
W. O. PRESLEY,
MAKER,
ELIIGKTON, GA.
Will make first class harness to order, war
ranted, and at prices to suit the times.
Will be ghul to show specimens of his work
to parties, aud no harm is done if ho work is
wished. .
Ilepairing I')one Promptly.
P. W. JACOBS,
HOUSE I SIGN PAINTER
Glazier and Grainer,
ELBERTON, GA.
Orders Stlicitcd. Satisfaction Guaranteed.
“l* MAS IE’S
PALACE DINING ROOMS,
ATLANTA, GEORGIA.
The UUampiou Dining’ Stiloon of tho South
EVIBYBODY 13 INVITED TO CALL.
THE GAZETTE.
New Series.
CINCINNATI TO THE SEA.
TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY-TWO MILES LESS
BETWEEN AUGUSTA AND CINCINNATI VIA THE
AUGUSTA AND HARTWELL RAILROAD THAN
BY THE PRESENT ROUTE.
The primary question for the people
of Augusta to consider at this time is
what can be done to revive business and
bring back the trade which legitimately
belongs to her.
Above us, along the Savannah river,
on both sides, is a fertile and productive
country, raising many thousand bales of
cotton each year. Every bale of this
should come to Augusta, and would do
it if the means of transportation were at
hand. But in this age of railways, peo
ple are not apt to hold on to the old
fashioned wagon line, and are quick to
avail themselves of the nearest railroad.
Elbert, Lincoln and contiguous counties
are clamoring for a railway which will
enable them to send their produce to
market.
Years ago, when the project of build
ing the Augusta and Hartwell was first
inaugurated, those counties reasonably
expected that their efforts were abc ut to
meet with success. The importance of
the proposed road, not only to the sec
tion of country through which it would
pass, but to Augusta as well, was very
evident, and it was, therefore, not un
reasonable to expect .that this city would
take an active interest in the matter,
and ree to it that the necessary amount
to construct the i oad was raised. But
as time went on, and the road was still
only on paper, it became apparent that
the hopes of the country people were
doomed to disappointment. Elbert, de
termined to have an outlet, set about
building a railroad for itself. A route
was surveyed from Elberton to the
Richmond and Atlanta Air Line, and
grading commenced. The work is now
going on. Asa matter of course, every
thing shipped from Elbert by that route
will gc to Atlanta.
We are informed that Mr. John H.
James has offered to subscribe one hun
died thousand dollars to a railroad from
Elberton to Lincolnton, provided the
produce from Lincoln is sent to Atlanta.
If this road should bo built it does not
need much figuring to tell how much
Augusta, will lose. Lincoln is a produc
tive county, and all or nearly - all of her
produce has hitherto been sent to this
city. But witn this railroad running in
to her midst it cannot be expected that
she will forego its advantages,and pome,
to Augusta by tho wagon system as of
yore. This brings us back to tho query
in the premises: What must we do to
hold our own and add to the trade of
the city ? One thing is morally certain.
If the Augusta and Hartwell Railroad is
built we will accomplish both objects.
l 1 10 natural inclination of the people in
the Savannah River Valley is to come to
Augusta with the products of their
farms and plantations. Only assist
them in obtaining the means to get here,
and tho wealth of that rich section will
be poured into tho lap of Augusta- But
is the Savannah Valley tho only section
to bo considered ? We think not. Be
yond is the Great West, from which we
obtain annually so large an amount of
baejn. corn and other supplies. The
Western producer and shipper will nat
urally patronize the shortestjroute to the
sea, and the grain depot for this portion
of the South.
Let us look at a few figures. The
distance from Augusta to Cincinnati, by
the present route, is 759 miles, divided
as follows : From Augusta to Atlanta,
171 miles; from Atlanta to Chattanooga,
138 miles ; frc-m Chattanooga to Nash
ville, 151 miles ; from Nashville to Lou
isville, 189 miles; from Louisville to
Cincincinnati, 110 miles. Via the Au
gusta and Hartwell Railroad, it is 507 j
miles, divided as follows: From Augus
ta to Rabun Gap one hundred Aid fifty
miles; Rabun Gap to Knoxville, 85 miles;
from Knoxville to Junction, 130 miles;
from Junction to Nieholasville, 30 miles ;
Nicholasville to Cincinnati, 112 miles.
This gives us a difference of 252 miles
in favor of the route via tho Augusta
and Hartwell Railroad. Now let us see
how much, of this route remains to be
constructed.
Under the new survey the Augusta
and Hartwell Railroad runs along the
Savannah river valley to the Tugalo liv
er, whico it crosses, and extends thence
to Seneca City, where it effects a junc
tion with the Blue Ridge Railroad. Un
der the old survey, the road instead of
crossing the Tugalo, ran across the
Richmond and Atlanta Air-Line to Ra
bun Gap The fifty miles from the riv
er to the Gap was the hardest portion
of the road, and its grading would have
cost as much as that of all the remain
der of the route. The people between
the Tugalo and Seneca City, in South
Carolina, have already subscribed §50,-
000 and placed it in the hands of Col.
Harrison, to be used in constructing
that portion of the road, conditional,
however, upon tangible assurances that
something will bo done at this end.—
From Seneca City to Walballa there is
already a railroad, the Blue Ridge.
From this place to Maryville, Tennessee,
is another gap of 12 miles. But the
people in the section between Maryville
and the South Carolina State line have
already given assurances that ‘ they will
build that line, provided that from Wal
hnlla to the line is constructed by their
I neighbors. Froui Maryville to Junction
i there is a continuous line already built.
From Junction to Nicholasville there is
I another gap of 30 miles, 10 of which aro
■ graded. Fro% this point there is a con-
ESTABLISHED 1859.
ELBERTON GEORGIA, JJJNM 28,1876.
tinuous line to Cincinnati. So then
there are in all 192 miles of road to be
built to complete the air line route be
tween Augusta and Cincinnati. The
first objective point in this gap is the
Augusta and Hartwell Railroad. Work
once commenced on that, the other 72
miles will quickly be constructed. We
J have it from authority that the road can
be built for §1,500,000—5500,000 in
subscriptions and §1,000,000 in bonds
Certainly the benefits to be derived from
the road, when built aro great enough to
induce people in this section to sub
scribe the requisite half million. There
must be enterprise enough among us to
make us esire to enhance the trade of
Augusta. We feel assured that the peo
ple along the line of the railroad will do
their part in the matter if Augusta and
j its citizens will contribute a‘proportion-
I ate share of the amount needed to carry
, the enterprise to a successful termina
tion.—[Chronicle A Sentinel.
TRUTH STRANGER"THAN FICTION.
Tho Asheville (N. C.) Pioneer says : A
number of men met at a house on North
Tow river, Mitchell county, for the pur
pose of a geneial spree. As usual in
such cases a fight ensued, and in a fight
between a young man and a drunken
companion named Tool}-, tho former was
dangerously stabbed iu the abdomen.
In this condition ho was placed in a
blanket, a pole run through a loop iu the
same, and the ends shouldered by two
men, who attempted to carry him where
he could get surgical aid. The path led
along the side of a rugged mountain,
and they had borne him soma distance
when the knot through which the pole
ran loosened, and the wounded man was
thrown down the mountain, his intes
tines catching on bushes and winding
around him as he rolled down its pre
cipitous side. He was alive when pick
ed up, and his friends carried him to a
house in the neighborhood. We are in
formed that an old housewife was called
in to attend him. She pushed back the
entrails and sewed up the orifice with
packthread. Later in tho day a Dr.
Huggar arrived, who gave it as his opin -
ion that the operation had not been
properly done—that Davis, ‘‘paunch”
was not iu the proper position, and that
some of the minor entrails were missing.
This he ascertained by giving tho pa
tient several hearty shakes; he said ‘-the
sound was too hollow.” At order
tho man was again ripped open, while
parties were sent in soareh-of--miss
ing entrails. They found several of
these indispensables to the progress of
digestion, and hurrying back to tho
house, handed them to the M. D. As
they were very dirty, im rinsed them in
cold water, sprinkled a little salt over
them as a preservative, and then put
them in the patient. The wound was
resowed and when our informant left it
was thought that Davis would recover.
If he does, a life insurance policy would
be the greatest extravagance he could
indulge in.
THE INFLUENCE 1)F NEWSPAPERS.
A school teacher, who had been a long
time engaged in his profession, and wit
nessed the influence of a newspaper
upon the minds of a family of children
writes as follows:
I have found it to be a universal fact,
without exception, that those scholars of
both sexes, and of all ages, who have
access to newspapers at home, when com
pared with those who have not, are:
1 Better readers, excellent in pronun
ciation, and consequently read more un
derstandingly.
2. They are better spellers and define
words with ease and accuracy.
3. They obtain practical knowledge of
geography in almost half the time it re
quires of others, as the newspapers have
made them acquainted with the location
of the important places of the nations,
their Government, and doings on the
globe.
4. They are better grammarians for
having become so familiar with every
variety of style in the newspapers, from
the commonplace advertisement to the
finished and classical oration of tho
statesman ; they more readily compre
hend the meaning of the text, and
constantly analyse its construction with
accuracy.
5. They write better compositions,
using better language, containing more
thoughts, more clearly and more cor
rectly expressed.
6. These young men who Lave for
years been readers of newspapers arc al
ways taking the lead in debating socie
ties, exhibiting a moro extensive knowl
edge upon a greater variety of sub
jects, and expressing their views with
greater fluency, clearness, and correct
ness.
Chicago Times: Collin Graves, the
milkman hero of the last year’s dam dis
aster in Massachusetts, did not figure in
the recent one. An inquiry has brought
out t'.jiO sad fact that he died of grief,
pove/ty and neglect some time ago. It
seen/s that f-fter the Mill River catastro
phe, when he rode down the valley and
warned the inhabitants that the dam
was breaking, people asked themselves
what he could have been doing at the
reservoir, and then stopped buying his
milk. The milk business was ruined,
he found nothing else to do, and not
many months after he died in destitute
circumstances. Think twice before you
allow yourself to become a hero.
If men would set good examples, they
might hatch better habits.
Jj JUDGE H. V. JOHNSON.
pFrom tho Chronicle itecntiacl 17th.]
Hon. Herschel Y. Johnson:
Dear Sir—When two parties divido
tho State, striving for the success of op
i posing principles, of necessity and with
! patriotism the political offices, in which
j the prevailing principle is to receive its
] development, are tho objects of conten
tion. Such a state of affairs has been
exhibited in the course of your career,
when the great Whig and Democratic
parties fought, under the leadership of
their foremost men, over their rival the
ories.
But when tho State practically be
longs to one party, then contentions for
office become merely the strivings of in
victuals for personal promotion, advan
tage or distinction. Such a condition
of filings exist in the State now. The
undersigned ardently desire to see a
man borne into the office of Governor
of Georgia by tho spontaneous, unso
licited movement of the people of Geor
gia
As it would be out of taste to speak
of your merits to your face, merely in
the way of aimless compliment, so it
would be weak, through fear of offend
ing against good tasto, to refrain from
so speaking, when it is proper and to a
purpose to do so. There are three or
fourmen in the State, recognized by all
its dtizcr.s as pre-eminent. While tho
peer of any of this small number, your
abilities and wisdom, coupled with your
purity of character, leave you no equals
outride of these few, and place you far
above ail others than they. The under
signed entertain the opinion that this
preeminence should, on the one hand,
receive its recognition in your unsought
elevation to the highest office in the gift
of the people of Georgia, and would, on
the other hand, be itself the best assur
ance that this office would bo adminis
tered, in its every branch and depart
ment, wisely, patriotically, independent
ly and without favoritism
Tho undersigned, firmly persuaded
that the sentiments and opinions herein
expressed are shared by the great mass
of their fellow-citizens of Georgia, earn
estly request you to allow an authorita
tive statement that you would accept
the nomination of tho Democratic Con
vention of tho State for the office of
Governor.
i- Very respectfully,
C. *J. Jenkins, Jas. S. Hook,
W \ TL *Vojpfobd, H. H. Steiner,
’Udirfe' Gumming, li. A. DtTOAH,
Geo. T. Barnes, S- N. Boughton,
J. C. C. Black, R. B. Nisbet,
Jno. P. King, H. J. Lang,
And many others.
governor Johnson’s reply.
Sandy Grove, Bartow P. 0., Ga.,
June 15 th, 187 G.
Messrs. Chas. J. Jenkins and many oth
ers :
Gentlemen. Your communication
touching the candidacy for Governor of
Georgia, for the ensuing Executive
term, was received a few days ago,
whilst I was holding an adjourned term
of the Superior Court of Washington
county. Hence I did not reply imme
diately.
You ask me to allow an authorita
tive statement that I will accept the
nomination of the Democratic Conven
tion of the State for the office of Gov
ernor.
I recognize the right of the State to
command the services of any citizen and
his reciprocal obligation to obey, unless
prevented by paramount reasons.—
Hence, if contrary to my expectations, I
should be called upon by the people to
serve them in the Executive capacity, or
(to use your own language) if I should
be “borne into the office of Governor by
the spontaneous, unsolicited movement
of the people of Georgia,” I should act |
not under the impulse of personal inter
est or ambition for that office, but
solely under the sense of duty which
should govern every patriotic citizen.
Having received numerous private let
ters on the same subject and looking to
the same end, I take occasion to say
publicly, in reply to them, that I cannot
convent to be placed in the attitude of a
candidate for the nomination. Ido not
desire the nomination, I should deplore
to be placed in such position as might
lead to divisions, or increase the tenden
cy to such divisions, already so appar
ent. I would rather pour oil upon the
waters than to be, even unintentionally,
instrumental in swelling and infuriating
its billows.
I have no aspiration for the office of
Governor. Its responsibilities, for the
next Executive term, as I see the proba
ble future, are not such, even ii I dis
trusted my ability less than I do, as to
induce me to court their assumption.
Much less would I covet the honor of
so grave a trust, at the peril of engen
dering schism, heart-burning and strife.
Be assured, gentlemen, I shall be truly
gratified if the people of Georgia shall
select any other of whom they may feel
safe in imposing these high duties. 1
am quite sure there are many eminent j
citizens from whom such a selection can :
be made.
It remains only for me to express to
the people of Georgia my profound
sense of obligation for the many distin
guished evidences of their confidence in
the past. They have honored me be
yond my deserts. I shall never be able
to discharge the debt of gratitude I owe
them.
Accept gentlemen, my grateful ac- j
knowledgement of the complimentary i
terms which you are pleased to apply
Vol. V.—dSTo. 9.
to myself and the assurance of my
sincere regret that I so little deserve
them-
I have tho lion or to bo most respect
fully your obedient servant and fellow
citizen.
Herschel V. Johnson.
THE GOOD TIME COMING.
The Froo Press says the Detroit gro
cers, not satisfied with advertising, put
ting out [circulars, and nailing cards to
private houses, have struck anew idea.
A man calls from house to house and
offers to take orders for even a bar of
soap or a box of matches and bring the
goods to the house. Strange things hap
pen in this strange world. Five years
hence a gentleman may drive around
after a pair of white horses, call at a
house, pull off his white kid gloves,
touch his hat, and politely remark :
“Mr. Rush has established anew gro
cery store on Woodward avenue. If you
want anything in our line I shall be
happy to sell it to you at half cost, wait
six months for pay, and then take it in
oldj boots, broken flowerpots, and rusty
gate hinges.”
Tho consumer won’t have kept pace
with the times, and ho will hesitate.
The agent will go on;
“Wo are determined to rush off these
goods. Our object is to oblige tho pub
lie*, not to make maney. Therefore
write down a list of what you want, and
the goods will be sent you with a re
ceipted bill.”
If the consumer still hesitates, tho
agent will go on :
“We must keep goods moving. Make
out your list, and I’ll not only send tho
bill, but you will draw, as prizes, a nice
chromo, a coach dog, an annual pass on
some street car line, a pair of new boots,
and marble bust of Andrew Jackson, life
size.”
And when all those things have been
received the consumer will yet feel as if
ho could have done better by dealing
with some other bouso.
LARGEST SNAKE IN AMERICA.
In the zoological gallery of Dr. Cun
ningham, Cartilage, Mo., may bo seen
the greatest native American wonder ex
tant—a make twenty-seven feefc,'ei"ht
inches in length, and seventeen inclies
in circumference.
It resembles, in many particulars, the
Tyger Python of Africa. It lies coiled
in-tixiaisndous.. folds, with head . erect,
mouth open, and mammoth forked tongue
protruding, as if about to gulp down at
one spring anything in reach.
This snake, which Dr. Cunningham
has named the Lead Python of tho
Southwest, is, without doubt, the largest
American reptile ever captured.
The history of the capture is about as
follows : Two miners in Hickory county
were returning hcmejfrom prospecting in
in tho woods, in the latter part of July,
accompanied by a large dog. While
passing a thicket, on the banks of a
stream, they were attracted by a hissing
or gushing noise, followed immediately
by a loud yell from the dog, and a crash
among the bushes. On approching tho
spot, they beheld the terrible monster
in the act of swallowing the dog. They
fled, but soon returned, and succeeded
in capturing the reptile while gorged.
The weight of the snake when first taken
was about three hundred pounds.
BRISTOW’S REBUFF.
Tho Courier-Journal contains an inter
view with Hon. 11. D. McHenry, ex Con
gressman from Kentucky, who aecompa
nied Secretary Bristow, Sunday, to tho
residencejof Mr. Blaine, where he met the
rebuff which has been generally report
ed. McHenry reports that on arriving at
tho residence the Secretary found the
door wide open and observed Mr. Blaine
lying prone upon the floor of tho hall
surrounded by his attendants. Not
wishing to disturb any one, he softly en
tered. As he did so, Mrs. Blaine, com
ing into the hall and recognizing him,
came quickly forward and in an excited
manner waived him back, remarking:
“Don’t come in, sir ; you have had your
way.” The Secretary without a word
bowed himself out in a dignified manner
and gettinginto the street pardoned Mrs.
Blaine’s actions on the ground that she
was so frantic in grief at her husband’s
distress that she did not appreciate her
conduct, and was probably not aware of
the thorough reconciliation of Mr. Blainj
and himself Saturday night.
DUEL BY SNAKES.
The Home and School Journal says :
The rattlesnakes of our own country have
a dangerous enemy in the common black
snake. In one of these duels, which aro
both spirited and deadly, an eye witness,
Wiliam Kincaid Davis, of South Caro
lina, says the rattler was compelled to
commit unintentional suicide in a mo
menfcof temporary insanity. When first
discovered the rattlesnake was coiled
with head erect and ready to spring.
The black snake circled around him re
peatedly, being careful never to approach
near enough to be reached by the fangs
of the rattler, who, turning his head
to watch his antagonist as he circled
round, became dizzy and crazed, and
finally struck blindly and straightened
himself his whole length. The black
snake now ran across the straightened
form of the other, who feeling the con
tact stru k, missing his fuc, but biting
his own body, died of tho venom from |
his own fangs.
Staggers Among Hogs. —-Mix a tea
spoonful of sweet oil, and half a tea
spoonful of spirits of turpentine. After
shaking them well together, lay tho hog
down with tho affected' car up and pour
this mixturo into his ear, holding in that
situation a moment or two, until it gets
woli into the head. No further atten
tion is necessary. The ouo who furnish
ed this recipe said “I have not lost a
hog thus treated in seven years ”
Kidney Worm. —This is nothor dis
ease fatal to hogs. The first symptoms
are a weakness of the loins and legs, and
if not checked, is followed by a general
prostration of tho whole body. As soon
as tho first symptoms appear, copperas
given at tho rate of .[- to tablesponful
daily, for one or two weeks, will general
ly effect a cure. Spirits of turpentine
rubbed on tho loins is very good.
Tiie Itcu or Mange —This is not very
dangerous, but a “mangy hog will
never thrive. Soapsuds well applied
with a stiff scrubbing brush is a l oir edy.
A running stream to wallow in, or plen
ty of clean white straw, will effect a
euro in time.
Coughs. —For coughs and inflamma
tion of the lungs, bleeding should bo
resorted to, followed with light doses of
soino purgative medicine, one, or half
(according to size) drachm of nitre.
These are the principal ailments of hogs,
except tho debility occasioned in somo
cases for tho want of necessary food.
Tho remedy in that case is to feed
thorn.
N. B.—One of tho best places for
bleeding a hog is in tho roof of tho
mouth.
*- ♦ a—
GENERAL GARTRELL DECLINES.
Atlanta, Juno IG, 1870
Editors Atlanta Constitution:
After mature deliberation L havo con
eluded to withdraw my name from tho
list of gentlemen heretofore suggested
as suitable persons to bo presented to
tho Approaching Convention for the of
fico of Governor. From present ap
pearances I fear the contest for nom
ination will bo an exciting one, and Ia ui
unwilling to enter into a heated contest
for any office. The harmony and suc
cess of the Democratic party in the State
and throughout tho Union, at this time,
are of paramount importance, and the
triumph of true Democratic principles
in the election to office of able, compe
tent andfaithful public servants, pledg
ed to retrenchment, economy and ro
form, will be of moro advantage to tho
people at large than the elevation to of
fice of any particular individual. Asa
private citizen, desiring the welfare and
prosperity of tho people, I shall strive
to accomplish these ) esulta. In with
drawing from the contest, as J. now do, I
take this occasion to state that I shall
ever hold in grateful remembrance tho
many warm and generous personal and
political friends in all sections of tho
Stato who havo manifested their prefer
ences for me for this high and responsi
ble posilion, and also to express my
warm thanks to tho -members of tho
press for the kind and complimentary
terms in which they have been pleased
to allude to my name. lam tally yours,
L. J. Gabtrell.
THU FASTEST RUNNING YET.
I tell you wat’s a fact, men, none of you
hain’t never seed no runnin’. I seed a
dyeer run wunst. Hit war a spike buck,
an’ he war stretched out tiil he warn’t
bigger’n a shoe-string. Talk about mov
in’ ! Tho shadder on a buzzard a drap
pin’ to kyarn hain’t nowher? I had a
blue speckled houn’ what had a; tetch
o’ gray lioun’ in him, and ho war after
that dyeer. H’d upped ’im in tho thick,
an’ here ho come a fairly limberin’
through them flat piny woods. For sure,
hit tuk my breath away to look at ’im.
He’d cotch that dyeer too shore, but jist
as ho got agin me he struck a whalin’ big
pine plump centrely head foremost. Ho
stove his splintered bones three inches
into the wood ! The lick jarred tho pino
straw off’n tho top limbs! When he
struck, lii3 liino legs flopped roun’ tho
tree an’ I beam the toe nails what jorked
out a rattlin’ agin the pines fifty yards
ahead ! . Hits a real fact!
LABOR IN THE GARDEN
A poor old man, having to use a crutch
to help him along, sat down on the grass
in Detroit, his back against a close board
fence, to nibble at a hard biscuit. It
wasn’t long before ho realized that tho
owner of tho place behind him was work
ing in the garden, assisted by Ills cs -
timable wife.
“That’s no way to make an onion
bed!” tho old man heard the husband’
call out.
Perhaps not; you know all about
gardening ! ’ mocked the wife.
“I’ve made more onion beds than you
ever heard of!” ho hoarsely said.
“Made ’em sitting on a chair in a
saloon, didn’t you 1” she squeaked.
“Go to blazes with your old garden 1”
ho yelled, throwing down his hoc.
“When women make bread;” said
Quiz, moralizing over an underdone bis
cuit at tho breakfast table—“ When
women make bread, a curious phenome
non often results ; you find a little dear
bringing fourth a little dough.”
Here is a soliloquy of a Parisian ine
briate, address to liis hat, which had
fallen off: “If I pick you up, I fall; if I
fall you will not pick me up—then I
leavo you.” And ho staggered proudly
away.
Those old soakers never lack for argu
ment. Lately ono replied to a temper
ance lecturer by the following: “If water
rots the soles of your boots, what effect
must it havo on tho coat of yoiu:
stomach ?”
At a medical examination, a young as
pirant for a physician’s diploma was
asked, “When does mortification ensue?”
“When you propose and are rejected,”
was the reply that greeted tho ques.
tioncr.
Never trust him who flies into a pas
sion on being dunned, but make him pay
quickly if there is any virture in the law*