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POOR POLLY PODGE:
——OR) -
HOW I GAME TO BE MAREIED.
EY W. W. WODSON.
On reaching man’s eatale, I found myself sole
owner of a (arm worth from one thousand to
twelve hundred dollars, w ith some other trifling
property, and having taught the district school
for several successive winters, had laid up a few
hundred dollars in cash. 1 was young, addicted
to no bad habits,and thought myself handsome,
though 1 have since been told that this was
wholly a mistake. At any rate,*! was a most
eligible matrimonial partner, as I should say
many ot the girls in the neighborhood thought,
judging from some of then - little muncuvres.
Suspecting them of wordly and mercenary mo
tives, I fought shy, and contrived to keep myself
out of the meshes of love and all entangling
alliances.
But 1 had now reached a turning point in my
destiny—a tide in the hitherto unbroken current
of my life. A certain Col. Stanhope purchased
a farm and located himself and family in our
immediate neighborhood. I had no sooner set
my eyes on Ella Stanhope than I resolved to
win her. She w f as without doubt the most beau
tiful creature I ever.saw. 1 lost no time in form
ing her acquaintance, and found that her man
ners were as engaging as her face was lovely.
All my usual apathy and indilferance towards
her sex vanished, and I became ardent in the
pursuit of this cherished object. In this pur
suit I encountered one very serious obstacle.
Miss Stanhope was at all times, at home and
abroad, in company with an aunt, a maiden sis
ter of her deceased mother, a Miss Podge—Miss
Polly Podge. This lady had seen,perhaps, some
forty flowery summers pass, but doubtless labor
ed under the impression, as she strove to im
press upon others, that she was yet in the flush
and spring-time of life.
She was all buoyancy and gush—dressed in
the gayest colors, had the merriest laugh and
brightest complexion imaginable. Her conver
sation fairly bubbled -and sparkled, and often
when I wa3 sighing for a tele a-tetc with Ella,
she would overwhelm me with a very cataract of
airy nothings'and jeux d'esprit.
Of course I treated her with the greatest civil
ity, on her own account, and thinking that to
establish myself in the good graces of the elder
lady might advance my interests with the young
er, exhibited, perhaps, a little more warmth to
wards Miss Podge than I ought to have do#b,
I knew that this lady attended to the domestic
concerns of the family, and in calling on Ella,
would select such hours as I ttiought Miss Podge
would be compelled to devote to household
matters. But all my strategy was vain. She
w r as ever present, or if called away would come
hurrying back in a moment, with a rush and
gush, with a merry laugh or sparkling bon mot
on her lips that spt my teeth on edge, though
of course t had to “grin horribly a ghastly
smile.”
I was desperate, especially a3 I began to dis
cover, as I imagined, signs of tendurness in
Ella’s Planner whenever we were for a moment
alone together. ITow to get rid of my merciless
tormentor became the study of my life. I began
to question if there would be such “deep dam
nation in her taking off,” when (he chance, the
golden opportunity I had so long been seeking,
unexpectedly presented itself.
I called onejevening, as usual, and found both
ladies in the drawing-room. I sat still late,
waiting for a chance. At last Miss Podge de
clared that she must go and attend to tea, or we
would got nothing to cat. I rose at the same
time to take my leave.
. “Won’t you stay and take tea with us, Mr.
Pepper?” asked Miss Podge.
I declined, and making my adieus to Ella, left
the room, accompanied by the elder lady, who
went to the rear of the house as I came out at
the front. I walked to the gate and stopped.
“Now,” thought I, “is the time. I’ll slip back,
and if Ella is still there, I’ll do the business be
fore that old cat returns.”
I went back, opened (he door cautirusly and
looked in. It was quite dark, but the shimmer
of Ella’s light dress was plainly visible, just
where I had left her a moment before.
Without loss of time I stepped to where she
sat. Kneeling by her chair, I took her hand in
mine, and poured forth the pent-up feelings of
my heart.
“Dearest, how long, how impatiently I have
waited for this hour. How long I have sighed
to breathe the secret of my love. Oh, darling,
1 do love you with all the intensity of my na
ture. Can you, will you be mine?”
“Thine, only thine,” was the faint whisper
that fell on my delighted ears.
Gently my arm stole around her yielding form.
My lips were pressed to her own, in a paroxysm
of bliss, when the door opened and a light
Hashed into the room.
Merciful heaven ! Ella herself stood in the
door, lamp in hand. I bad made love to and
been accepted by Miss Polly Podge!
I was too completely dumbfounded even to rise
from my knees. My fiancee was the first to
recover her composure.
“Ella,” she exclaimed in a tone of vexation,
“this is a very inopportune interruption. But
as you doubtless judgo from appearances, dear
Richard has proposed and I have accepted him.”
“I am very .sorry, dear aunt, to have inter
rupted such an agreeable tete-a-tete, but really
I was not dreaming of such a scene,” and as her
"yes fell upon me, she burst into a storm of ir
repressible laughter. “However,” she continued,
“as I have been unintentionally a witness ol
■ your bethrolhal, permit me to extend noth to
yourself and Mr. Popper my sincercst. vongratift
lations,' and with a bow ol grave courtesy she
deposited the kunp on a table and left me to my
“Mies, Podge,” I exclaimed as soon as we were
alone, “1 assure yeu lli!-: i nil a mistake.”
“How a mistake V” she asked sharply. “You
have just in plain terms made known your love
to me, and 1, in'ail eandsr, have accepted your
proffered hand,” •
“Yes, but dear Miss Podge, I really mistook
you for another lady. I had no idea that I was
making an offer of my hand to you - —”
‘ Gome, sir,”' she said interrupting me, “this
is mere trifling and I am not in the habit of
being trifled with in this way. (T believed her
from my veiy .soul ) What d-i yon menu by
tu..-taking me tor unolhei Uuiy—wont Indy 7 !
¥am niece, Mies Siituliep.-.” 1 ei.. ye red '
“Eila !” she said. “Why, sir I believe it is
generally known that my niece is to be married
in a few weeks to a gentleman she has long
known and loved. Oh ! Richard, why do you
thus try me? I love you and this treatment
when we 3hould be all tenderness to each oilier,
breaks my heart. You have no idea, no hope,
seeking some excuse already to cancel our en
gagement ?”
“Really, Miss Podge,” I replied, “I hope you
will forgive me, hut I do not consider that any
engagement exists between us. You don’t sup
pose I ever intended, at my age, to offer my hand
to a lady of your years ?”
That did it! she just glared at me like a veri
table fury.
“My years!” she shrieked; “Row dare you
thus add insult to injury ? But you shall repent
it, sir. If there is justice in the land you shall
suffer for thus wantonly breaking your plighted
word, and trifling with the feelings of an unsus
pecting girl."
The last words she fairly yelled in my ears as
sho hurried f:om the room.
“Well, I had done the business with a venge
ance truly. The last words of Miss Podge left
me in r.o doubt as to the course she intend to
pursue. She evidently' intended to bring a suit
against rue for breach of contract, and all I had
to do was to prepare myself for the contest. I
was therefore in no wise surprised when, a feW
weeks later, an officer of the law cited me to ap
pear on a certain day', at our county town to
answer a suit of “Podge vs. Pepper.”
Miss Podge placed her case in the hands of
eminent counsel, and I did the same. In due
time the case came up for trial, and no one can
imagine the mortification I experienced at being
compelled to figure in such a drama; but to
protect my interest there was no alternative.
Everything I had was at stake, for Miss Podge
had laid her damages at $5,000. Miss Stanhope
was the chief witness, and as sho detailed min
utely the scenes she had witnessed between me
and the plaintiff, particularly the love scene in.
the last act, there was a sensation in the
crowded court-room.
The case was ably argued on both sides. My
counsel acquitted himself to my entire satisfac
tion, and at the close of his speech, I felt confi
dent of a verdict. T could plainly see, too, favor
in the eye3 of the jury. But ray hopes wilted
like wax before the plaintiff’s lawyer finished
the closing argument. I absolutely writhed
under his fierce lashings. lie applied to me
every epithet of meanness—calling me, among
other things, “a gay and festive cuss.” I, Rich
ard Pepper, “a cuss” “a gay and festive cuss.”
I, a district shod teacher, who had always been
a model of propriety.
The jury were out but a few moments, when
they returned with a verdict that took my breath
away. They had just “sized my pile.” “Two
thousand dollars for the plaintiff,” read out the
clerk of the court, in a clear, callous tone.—
What a fix! I felt satisfied that if I would con
sent to marry the old girl, I could keep my
property. But what an alternative i Podge or
poverty ! I chose the former. Proposing a se
cond time, the old one positively refused to be
mi no before the money was paid over! 1 shelled
out the cash in hand, and rnmle her a deed to
the farm, and she then consented to become
Mrs. Pepper.
Now, whenever I ask for n new pair of boots,
or anew hat, she' puts me] off, telling me that
she don’t intend that I shall squander her prop
erty iu useless extravagance. Alas, poor Polly!
[Sunny South.
The other day a Detroiter, who has a
good record of army service, took down
his revolver to shoot a cat which had
been hanging around the house. After
looking at him while he was loading up
for nomo more destruction, the shooter’s
small boy inquired: “Father, did you
ever kill any one while you were in the
army?” “I suppose so, my son ” Af
ter a long pause, tho boy continued:
“Then you must have got near enough
to hit ’em with an ax, didn’t you?” It
was then discovered to bo about school
time.
Tho Sioux lost one hundred and fifty
men iu- tho fight with Custer’s com
mand.
THE NEW Dou A b|e _
n fIWPC'FDTP ” Gift " "'"ft ft "ft Thread
IJUliisullb if L ° ck " stitch
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Possesses a much greater power in restoring to
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[ Owing to its great success, many substitutes
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Dune as Dick <1 Co's. Soft Capsules containing
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Office over Drug Store. Give mo a call.
Eiberton, Ga.f July 3d, 1870.—3 m.
J\l7 F. & JOHN BARNES,
'
Barnes’s Patent FOOT-POWER
MACHINERY, SCROL SAWS,
LATHES, CIRCULAR SAWS,
U; J‘ J The only foot-power machine
rY without dead centers, $1,500
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Say what you read this in and send for 48 page
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July 20.-tf.
FOUNTAIN PUMP.
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For Washing Windows,
H Carriages, &c., protects
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trees, vines, etc., from
Insects. Throws water
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No Dwelling, Country
Homo or Factory
should be without the Fountain Pump. Send for
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DEALERS IN GEN ? L MERCHANDISE
The STOCK consists of
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july 19—lm
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