Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

PROFESSIOX.tr CARDS. TfllOS. tV. mSLY, ATTORNEY AT LAW. HARTWELL, GA. Will practice in Superior Courtg of Unit, El bert, Oglethorpe and Madison. Prompt atten tion to collection of claims. Iy. R. 11. JONES, ATTO II N TRY A T -L AW, HLBSRTBHf, *GA. Special attention to the collection of claims. [lj SHANNON & WORLEY, ATTO HN EYS AT LAW, ELISERTOX, GA. IX7 ILL PRACTICE IN THE COURTS OF YV the Northern Circuitand Franklin county KaY" Special attention given to collections. J. S. BARNETT, ATTORNEY AT LAW, EIBEBTON, GA. JOHN T. OSBORN, ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW, ELBEkTON, GA. WILL PRACTICE IN SUPERIOR COURTS and Supreme Court. Prompt attention to the collection of claims. nevl7,ly A. E- HUNTER,’M. I). P11A( TICINO PHYSICIAN Office over the Drug Store, EI.BE RTOI, GHO BGIA. WILL ATTEND PROMPTLY TO ALL cases. [Ang22,Gm egbe:rto.\ IHJSIXESS GARBS. LIGHT CARRIAGES & BUGGIES. tHI J. F. AITLD a: 1.32 3-1 SiTO A, G SIO St lA. WITH GOOD WORKMEN ! LOWEST PRICES! CLOSE PERSONAL ATTENTION TO BUSINESS, and an EXPERIENCE OF 27 YEARS, lie hopes by honest and fair dealing to compete any other manufactory. Good Buggios, warranted, - $125 to $l6O It EPAIRING AND BLACKSMITIIING. Work done in this line in l very best style. The Rest Harness TERMS CASH. My 22-1 v J. M. BARFIELD, ' THE REAL LIVE Fashionable Tailor, Up-Stairs, over Swift & Arnold’s Store, ELD Eli [’ON, GEORGIA. BOTCaII and See Him. T. M. SWIFT. J. K. SWIFT. TITOS. M. SWIFT & CO., Dealers in EEIEEtI lESCM’iISI At the old stand of Swift & A'rnold, BLBERTGSf, GA. RESPECTFTLLY SOLICIT A CONTINU ance of the patronage hitherto awarded lie hous , promising every effort on their part to merit the same. jan.s THE ELBERTON DRUG STORE H. C. EDMUNDS, Proprietor. lias always on hand a full line of Pure Drugs and Patent Medicines Makes a specialty of STATIONERY and PERFUMERY Anew assortment of WRITING PAPER & ENVELOPES Plain and fiincv- just received, including a sup ply ot LEGAL-CAP. CIGARS AND TOBACCO of all varieties, constantly on hand. NEW STQREj NEW GOODS! I. Q. SWIFT, Will keep on band FLOUR, MEAT, LARD, SUGAR, COF FEE, HAMS, CHEESE, CAN NED GOODS, &c.&c. And other articles usually kept in a first-class Provision Store, which will be sold Cheap for CASH and Cash Only. F. W. JACOBS, | HOUSE S SIGH PAINTER Glazier and Grainer, ELBERTON, GA. I* Orders Solicited. Satisfaction Guaranteed # SEND 25c. to G.P ROWELL & CO., New York for Pamphlet of lot. pages, containing lists of 3,000 newspapers and estimates showing 1 cost of advertising. ly THE -G AZETTE. ISTew Series. A CBIME AND ITS SEQUEL. It was through sheer luck that I was chosen District Attorney of a remote backwoods Dis trict. There was but a slender stock of legal timber to select from, ami small difference in the quality. We were all in that callow, downy state to which it was impossible to tell which of ns might turn out game, and which might prove to be of the common barn-yard breed. We might all be ehrysaltic Clays or Webster3, for aught we knew, or the public either, or might be destined to plod through inglorious lives in the humble walks of niti print. As one appears as well as another in the dark, so it was with us In obscurity. It was not, therefore, because they deemed me gifted with any peculiar fitness for the post, that the people chose me for their prosecuting officer. The post had to be filled, and the lot fell to me, which, I now bethink me, was all that needed to be said by way of introduction to my story. My district was large, embracing several counties, in each of which I was obliged to at tend court, and, for that purpose, to take long and frequent journeys. On one of them, toward the approach of nightt I found myself in the neighborhood of an old friend’s house, to whose hospitality I knew I would be welcome. It was on the opposite side of a large river, but I should doubtless find some settler with a canoe or other craft, who would ferry me over. Stopping at a cabin at which I had taken quar ters before, after arranging with the proprietor to have my horse taken care of till morning, I inquired as to the best means of getting over to my friend’s, where I proposed to pass the night. “Take that path,’’ said the settler; “it’ll take yon out to Jim Drake’s shanty on the river. He's got a dugout. an’ kin take you ’crost an’ show you the rest o’ the way.” I thanked the old man, and followed the di rct'on given till the path branched into three. Taking the one which seemed to lead in the right course, I pushed on, for the shadows were beginning to thicken, and it was a wild spot to be belated in. It wasn’t a mile, the settler told me, to the river and Jim Drake’s shanty. I had certainly walked twice th l without seeing a sign of either. It had grown quite dark, and the con viction was coming over me that 1 had lost my way, and might be forced to pass the night, in the woods, instead of enjoying the comfort of my friend’s fireside. 1 slackened my pace, hesitating whether to go on, or risk finding ray way back over a path al ready become invisible, when a cracking of bushes ahead, followed by a low sound of voices, attracted my attention. “Hello! —who goes there?’’ called out one of them. “A stranger who has lost his way,” I an swered More murmuring of voices followed, and then ' the dim forms of two men approached. “Whar be you goin’ lo ?” one of them accosted me. I briefly explained the situation. ‘ Wall,you see, you’re consul’rable out o’ bear in’s,” the man replied. “Jim Drake’s is more’n three miles from here, an’ you’ll never find your way iu the dark. However, we’ve got a skirt over yonder, an’ wouldn’t mind tukin’ you ’crost an’ settin’ you in the right way ourselves, ef you paid us a trifle.” “I’ll reward you liberally and thank you be sides,” I returned. A short walk brought us to the river, where I we found a small skiff moored to the bank. “Jump in,” said one of the men, who, as I obeyed, sprang in after me and shipped the oars, while the other untied the rope and followed. Theboatshot out from the shore, and no words were exchanged during the passage except a question and answer hi tween ihe oarsman and myself. “Ken you swim, stranger?” he asked. “Not a stroke,” 1 replied. “And now what shall I pay you, my friends?” I inquired when we had all safely landed. “That’s a question we’re jest a goin’ to settle,” returned Hie former spokesman. 1 was rudely grappled on either side. The purse I had taken out fell from my hand, but my pocket-book was soon in the possession of my assailants, one of whom hastened to open it, and after fumbling a roll of notes, said to his companion : “Guess thar’s enough here, Bill); let’s be off!” As they leaped into the boat and shoved off, one of them called out derisively : “Ef you want to git to your friend’s to-night you’ve no time to lose, for the river’s risin’, an’ you’ll soon hav wet feet thar.” As he spoke I felt the water coming over my ankles. There had been heavy rains above, and several of the river’s largest tributaries were pouring down vast torrents, caused by the melting of the mountain scows, it was the beginning of one of the spring freshets which often inundates that region, carrying terror and destruction fur and wide. Whtiher to bend my steps I knew not, "but to remain there was impossible. I turned and groped my way a lew paces, when the roar of the angry flood again confronted me. Which ever nay I turned I heard it. A storm was gath ering, and every moment the darkness grew thicker and thicker. A flash of lightning blazed from the heavens, lighting up a scene before which I recoiled with horror. By the lurid glare, I saw that I was standing on a low, flat island, every portion of which, if the rise con tinued, would soon be many feet underwater. I understood now the purport of the villain’s question : “Can you swim 1” I shouted for help—prayed for it—but no de liverance came. The only answer was the sound of the rushing, mighty waters, or mighty thun der which seemed to rend the very sky. The rain fell in torrents. Faster and faster tho waters rose. Step by step I retreated before them. At every returning flash I saw my little spot of ground growing smaller and smaller. I sought in’vain for some tree- or bush into which I might climb, but found nothing strong enough to bear my weight. The island, at last, was reduced to a speck, and the next flash ;e --venled but a waste of waters. Soon I stood waist deep in the surging flood, which threatened ever instant to sweep me down. Once more I cried out in agony, but my voice was drowned by the din of the elements. The waves had reached my shoulders.— Strength and courage were fast failing. It would be impossible to hold mv footing a minute longer, and I was on the point of yielding, when some dark object floated toward me. 1 put out my hands eagerly. It was a small boat that | had drifted within my reach. I know not how I managed to climb into the ! frail craft without overturning it, but, in another i moment, it was bearing me safely from the spot ; on which T had suffered all of the terror which ! death has in his power to inflict. ESTABLISHED 1850. ELBEUTOX, GA., UTOV’R 22, 1876. A month afterward it became my duty to prosecute two prisoners charged v ith pas.-ing counterfeit money. The case had been prepared by an assistant, and I knew nothing of the par ticulars till it was called fo trial. My assistant was putting in ihe proofs—among other things, the forged notes passed by the prisoners while in company, and numerous others of the same stamp found in their posses sion—when I took up one of them, and after briefly examining it, glanced at the others. “May it please your honor,” I said, rising, “I desire to enter a nolle in this case.” “Why so?” inquired tne judge; “the case seems clear enough.” “Because I do not believe the defendants guil ty,” I answered. ‘Not guilty 1” exclaimed Ills honor. “You have surely forgotten which side you are on, Mr. Payne.” “I have not forgotten,” I replied ; “but I re cognize these notes by a private mark. They were in my possesion lately, having been taken from'a gang of counterfeiters, airested several months ago, against whem I held them as evid ence. lam satisfied the prisoners now on trial thought them genuine; in which case, of course, there can be no lawful conviction under ibis in dictment.” “Of course not,” the judge assented. “Then I move the prisoners be discharged,” said their counsel, rubbing his hands gleefully. ‘Lend I move their recommitment,” I answer ed. “On what charge ? ’ “That of robbery,” I replied, proceeding to recount my late adventure, and explaining that the roll of bills taken from my person were the identical ones then in court. Of course I did not recognize the prisoners as my assailants, for it had been too dark to distinguish features, but the subsequent finding of the stolen notes upon them was sufficient to establish their identity. “But,” urged the counsel, with professional persistence, “to constitute robbery, the property taken must be of some value, and those notes have none ” “Granted,” I replied; “but my pocket-book was taken along with them, and that cost exact ly fifty cents, and was as good as new.” The prisoners were recomniit’ed, and got ten years each before the court adjourned. WHAT WINKING CAUSED. From the Keokuk Constitut’on.)] Sanders is a great winker. He can’t talk to you two minutes without enforcing his point with a drop of one of his upper eyelids ; he never takes a letter out of the office without winking at one of the clerks; he winks when he duns you, and gives you a sly one when he pays a bill When he meets and greets you on the street, it is always with a significant closing of the left eye, and when he has a stunning piece of news tft tell yon his wink is one of the greatest import. The world movedalorg smooth ly enough with Sanders until last Friday. Ip to that time he had gone winking along peace fully enough, and no clouds had obscured his happiness ; a pall is hung over Sanders now, and life has no charms for him. It’s all his wife’s fault, lie says. She has no business send ing him to a millinery store. She wanted a bow to match one on her hat, and she started Sand ers off to procure it. He entered the store whis tling, and when one of ihe shop girls approach ed and said “Good morning,” he replied, “Good morning.” The girl blushed and looked nervous ; San ders displayed the bow and said : “Got anything to match that?” and winked again. The girl vanished to the back room with flaming cheeks, leaving Sanders to stale after her in open mouthed wonder. In a minute or two the boss milliner, who had been iniormod of his actions, appeared. She was highly'in dignant ami as she shimmed the door behind her she said, “Sir—” “Good morning, madame,” said Sanders. “Fine day, ain’t it now,” and a wink was uncon sciously slung at Ihe lady. She bridled up in stantly. “Sir, the conduct—” “Of that gill!” interrupted Sanders. “Oh, that’s all right; never mind her—little bashful, eh ?” Another tremendous wink. “I cannot ‘permit such conduct, sir. It is shameful and insulting.” “Not at all ; not at all,” says Sanders, still off the track. ‘Don’t say another word, we under stand each other.” Another pretentious wink. The milliner vanishes, slamming the back door behind her, and Sanders sinks into a seat ejaculating, “Well, I’ll be doggoned !’’ But he bounced up quick when a gentleman entered, and calling him “an old hippopotamus,” pro ceeded to divest himself of his coat, and squar ing off at Sanders, cried out: “Now, then, come on 1” “Why, why, bless me, what does this mean?” said Sanders. “Oh, yes. you’re a nice one, you are. What kind of a place do you lake this for, coming around and insulting women and girls with your winks Come on!” and he danced around San ders. He got one in on Sanders over the eye ; his left duke felt of Sanders’ ribs, while his right rattled around all over Sanders’ mug, and when he got through with Sanders that individual was as badly demoralized as a pig in a whirl wind, and he never found out what it was all about until the milliner’s husband, who had as certained his habit, called on Sunday end apol ogized. Sanders shook hands, said it was all right, and was just about to wink again when ' he checked himself and said: “Blame it, I’ll swear off from that habit!” and then turned and winked at the wall to enforce his oath. A PLUCKY SCOTCH GIRL, A brawny arm bas the Highland las sie. Jane Gardin, who is nurse in a family of a Sydenham clergyman, [went into the garden one evening in the mid die of September to cut flowers, and thinking that she heard footsteps, re turned to the Louse for a candle. She saw the figure of a man crouching on the ground and flinging away the can dle, rushed upon (he thief. Screaming for help and seizing him by the hair, she endeavored to pin him to the ground, but the man shook her off, and after kicking her violently, ran toward the garden >vall. The nurse followed him, knocked off his hat, got hold of his ear and pulled his nose. The ruffian finally dealt her a terrible blow, and by kicking ber in the ribs, felled her to the ground. A neighbor, with a pair of dogs, went to the rescue, but was unable to prevent tho escape of tlie thief. Why not im port some of these plucky Scotch girls and make policewomen of them ? A GOOD STORY ABOUT JOHN E. OWENS. The Cincinnati Enquirer gets off the following true story about John E. Owens: Many years ago the genial comedi an, John E. Owens, who is now favor ing our public with a round of bis inim itable characterizations, played an en gagement in Portland, Maine. Among the plays presented was “The People’s Lawyer,” and it is almost needless to state that Owens’ “Solon Shingle” took with the “Yanks” immensely. Among the audience one night was an old farm- J er from the “rural districts,” who was j a perfect prototype of the good hearted, generous old bore that Owens lias since ! made so famous. The old granger was , accompanied by bis better half, and, per- j fectly sensible of the fact that he was I seeing on the stage a complete picture of himself as others saw him, he roared with laughter until his cacbinatory peals attracted almost as much attention as the play. The next day while Mr. Owens was enjoying his otium cum dig nitate at his hotel, he was notified that a lady and gentleman wished to see him. John made a hasty toilet, and descend ing to the parlor of the establishment, ; found his bucolic friends who had so I heartily enjoyed the performance the | night before, making a thorough inspec- j tion of the parlor and its furniture. “Good morning, my friends,” said he; j “to what am I indebted for the honor of this visit?” “Be you Mister Owins ?” queried the male visitor, eyeing the comedian suspi ciously. “I have the honor,” responded Mr. Owens. “Be you the chap that acted about | that funny karackter at the theayter last j night?” was the next question. “As Nathan didn’t say unto David. I am the man,” replied John, beginning to J see that he was in for a scene. “Wall, neow,” said the old man, laughing at the recollection until the I tears came to his eyes, “yeou did du that right up to the handle. Me an’ my wife, Debby, here jist laffed an’ laff j ed until I eenamost thought we’d split.” “I am delighted beyond measure,” j said the actor, swelling with pride at this honest criticism, “to know that my 1 wimble efforts afforded you so much pleasure.” “Oh, don’t apologize,” said the rural - ist, mistaking Owens’ bumble thanks for self-abnegation. “I bain’t a bit deown ; on you play-acting folks, an’ yeou can be ; as respectable as anybody else, if you . only try.’ “I am delighted beyond measure at ; your compliment,” retorted tlie comedi an, with a trifle of sarcasm in his tone. “Oh, it’s all right,” continued the hon est tiller of the soil, who, placing his right hand upon one of John's shoul ders, said in a solemn voice, “Air. Ow ens, mo and my Debbj’ here hev come j up to see yeou on a leetle matter of biz- i iness.” | “Ah, indeed!” replied the actor. “Yaas,” was the answer, “we want to git yeou to larn our boy Hezekiah the play-actin’ trade.” “My good people,” said Mr. Owens, drawing himself up indignantly, “acting is a profession, not a trade.” “Ob, it doesn’t make a bit of differ ! ence,” chipped in Mrs. Granger, “jist yeou larn him heow to cut up them monkey shines an’ we’ll pay for the dam age.” John saw that his visitors were real ly in earnest, so he thought he would carry the joke a little further. So, as suming a more grandiloquent air, he shot iiis cuffs, ran his fingers through his ambrosial locks, hemmed and hawed a couple of times, and then interrogated as follows : “Acting is a profession that requires especial talents and qualifications in its devotees. They must combine in them selves at once the abilities and beauties of the poet, the painter and the sculptor. What makes you think your son would make an actor?” “Wall,” said the old man, adjusting his spectacles just as Solon Shingle does when he is about to inspect the writing of John Ellsby, “yeou see I sent him to skule for years and years, but be was too skittish to larn much. The In tried to make a minister onto him, but the cuss didn’t have a mite o’ pity about him Then I prenticed him to a doctor, but instead of lamin’ beow to make pills an’ cure ager, be spent his time a lim nin' alter the gals. Then I hired him eont to a lawyer, but be spilt the fust case he got into, an’ neow he’s back on my hands again.” “Well, then,” said Mr. Owens, rather deprecatingly, “if he’s nit fit to boa minister, a doctor, or a lawyer, why do you think he will succeed as on ac tor?” “Because,” responded the Granger, in the most serious manner, “because be is a sort of kinder natural dam fool, anyhow, and he’ll take as kindly to the bizness like as a duck to water.” A mule near Marysville, Cal., is probably the only animal of his kind in the country with a bank account. His owner is a sheep-herder near Gridley’s Station. For some time ho has been depositing in tlie bank tlio sum of five dollars per month to the credit of his dog and a mule, so in case of his sud denly kicking the bucket they would have something to live upon. The other day the dog died, and the mule is full heir to the estate. Vol. v.-isro. 30. WHY THE MULE MAS UNHAPPY. And then, with the sad-eyed mule with parabolic spine laboring in advance, tVie little street car went on its way. The engineer was sociably inclined, and so we fell into intimate converse. “Don’t it require a good deal more genius to steer a mule than it does to handle horses ?” “Yes sir, you bet. You see mewils is different from horses ; you’ve got to know’em. Let a green hand take that yere mewil an’ he’d go to kavortin’ around an’ git tin * on his ear, and raisin’ li-—1 to an extent that, would just morn amaze yon.” “He don’t look like that sort of a hair pin—lie's too melancholy. What’s he grieving about, anyhow' ?" “Fm thinking lie’s in love, and is kinder disappointed, somehow. You know’ how it is with mewils. They're awful sentimental and falls in love jest like any other critter, but there don’t seem to be any satisfaction in it, some how’. The more lie’s in love the wuss he seems to feel.” “A case of blighted, unrequited affec tion, you think ?” “Cert’in. You give that yere mewil a chance and he’d get off a piece of poetry on the state of his fee’in’s which ud draw tears from a sick oyster. Vi hoa! you d—d muddle headed son of thun * der ! Where are you goin’ ?” This interruption was caused by the mewil taking a side shoot and taking the car with him. It required much effort on the part of the driver to restore the status quo—much cursing, which must have lacerated the soul of the sorrowful animal, much as his sides were bruised by the heavy boots of bis manager. Being finally kicked and sworn on the track, we resumed progress. [Chicago Times. Cremation is to be suspended, and instead of destroying a corpse by fire, as the ancients did, or making gas of the same, as had been suggested, an inven tor of Grenoble, Fiance, proposes the opposite method, and preserves them forever. “At the decease of an individu al the body is plunged into a liquid invented by him, and in about five years the individual is turned into stone. The secret of the petrifaction is known only to the discoverer. But he goes further He says that in a thousand yeais’ lime, if persons will only preserve their relatives and friends, they will be able to build a house w’ith them, and thus live in residences surrounded by their ancestors.” Another application of this process has been suggested, namely, to t liavo tho petrified corpse nickle plated, or electroplated; with bronze, and, if a statue of an individual is desired, to place the corpse on a pro per pedestal, so as to fulfil the functions of being the statue of the party deceas ed. ♦ ‘OS' ♦ HOSPITALITY IN TEXAS. In no city in the United States is the travel-stained, weary traveler taken as good care of as he is in a San Antonio hotel. The manners and customs of the guests are carefully studied. A young man from the frontier stopping at one of the hotels, told the clerk, the other evening, that lie was going to be out late. “Just wait a minute,” replied the accommodating clerk, and bo rushed off, but soon appeared with a large envelope, wliict ho placed in the guest’s breast pocket, with tho remark: “That is a bond for your appearance before the Re corder, properly signed. As socii as you are arrest ed for ! eing diunk and disorderly, just give the bond to the policeman, mention my name to him, and he will bring yon home in a hack. Good night! God bless you !” THE FLIRT. A correspondent of the Richmond En quirer thus relieves an aching bosom and crushed heart: “The flirt is the painted hyena of society, tho lamb fleec ed disguised ravening wolf of the affec tionate fold. Her fangs drip with the gore of foolishly fond and true. Like the hideous spectre bat of the Orinoco, she drains the last purple drop from the veins of her spell bound victim while her soft blandishments lull him to rest and fill Lis dreams with dazzling scones of beauty and felicity More cruel than the great war god of the Aztecs, she feasts upon the torn and bleeding hearts of her most fervent worshippers. With i savage ferocity she crushes the .tender- I cst feelings and emotions of the human ' soul.” There’s more of it, but this will suffice. - Tisc “iron Trail.” A spicy sketch descriptive of a trip over tho Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railroad, the beauties, scenery and pleasure resorts of the Rocky Mountains, by “Xym Crinkle,” the musical and dramatic critic of the New York World, sent free on application, together with the San Juan Guide, maps and time tables of this new and popular route from Kansas City and Atchison lo Pueblo, Denver and all points in Colorado, New Mexico, and the San Juan Mines. The finest Pullman Sleepers on the Continent be tween the Missouri River and Ihe Rocky Moun tains without change. Special round trip tour ists’ tickets from the Missouri River to Denver at SSO, good to stop off at all points. Address, T. J ANDERSON, Gen’l Pass. Agent Topeka, Kansas. Feb 9 '76.-tf. A Baltimore paper says : “Tho Queen of Love and Beauty at the Centennial tournament was no novico. She had al ready been crowned four times on similar occasions.” O, lud, to think that the belle of all Maryland should be 500 years j old. NOVEL SPORT IN NEVADA. The Virginia City Chronicle has tho following: The reporter found a crowd of the patrons of tho turf, consisting of a strong delegation of the leading sports of the Comstock, together with a num ber of ycung boys and Piute Indians, who took considerable delight in tho manoeuvres of the monkeys. Two o clock arrived, but of course there was no dis position to begin the races. No race ever came off un that truck as advertised since the memory of man. In Older to ' fill in the time, however, there is gener ! ally some sort of a game | affords the crowd as much amusement I and excitement as the race itself. ’J his time the hiatus was filled by an old man j with a trained duck. He began oj ora tions by sinking a candle box in tho ground until the top was about two inches above the level of the earth. In this he placed a duck, which protruded its head through a hole in the lid. “Now, gentlemen, three throws for n quarter and the feller who hits the duck gets half a dobar.” A man stepped up to throw, and, be ing furnished with three light sticks, each consisting of half a broom handle* slammed away at the bird’s head. With becoming modesty the retiring duck withdrew into the candle box, and al lowed the slick to pass harmlessly over, amid the applause of the crowd. In a few seconds he popped it up again with a loud quack of victory, and the man lot fly his second shot, which went some what astray and planted itself in the ca pacious stomach of the poet, journalist and sport, Pat Holland, while the duck, seeing no special necessity of withdraw ing its head, gave a sympathetic quack, while Mr. Holland was carried to the house to be refreshed. The third mis sile also flew wide of the miuk, and hit ting a Horse in the head, came very near starling a runaway Several more ei> thusiaits joined in the game, until about 200 men were standing about tho box in a furious state of excitement, vo ciferating wildly and laying heavy odds on the duck, while the old man was reaping a harvest of quarters at a most astonishing rate. Finally a man who had made several close calls on the duck laid aside his coat and as he grabbed the sticks there was a fire in his eye which evidently meant business. Care fully gauging the distance, ho waited until tho duck (somewhat emboldened by its successful escape) was looking to onn side, and then let fly a stick, tho butt end of which hit the fowl square on the head causing him instantly to hang his neck over the side of the box and die. — + * About forty years ago there was a boy carrying water for the bands in Wm. Gordon’s ship yard at Cincinna ti. Ho left there and went to Wm. Un.rtnV.ovr.’n U ZT’ learned the trade of boat-buildei. Young man, you who want to l e a law yer, doctor, statesman, a professional gentleman, anything to make a liv ing without soiling your delicate hands, did you see those two boats lashed to gether Monday, crossing tho river with a funeral cortege aboard? Did you see 25,000 people with sad hearts and weeping eyes following the hearse up to Cave Hill ? Did you see flags at half mast, stores draped in m urning, business suspended? And did you hear the solemn tolling of tho bells while that funeral was taking place ? You did, hey ? Well do you think that by dragging your miserable existence waiting l'or "tho “old man” to die and leave you something, that when you die such honors will bo paid yon, such a funeral will be yours ? Ah 1 no ! The man to whom all these honors were paid was the “carrier of water and the hewer of wood” of forty years ago. It was Jas. Howard—a man "whose name will live fresh in the memories of men, whilo all such as you mutton-headed young men who have no trades, will He dead and forgotten before the sod grows green over your graves. Go and learn a trade. Louisville Courier-Journal. MORAL CHARACTER *OF THE OYSTER. In temper lie is even mild to placidity, although ho is sometimes slightly ruf fled, on his edge at least. - He is quiet always and usually very well behaved ; and yet lie participates in nearly every scene of debauch and revelry. He fro quents midnight suppers and is the com panion—tho bosom companion we may say—of wild fellows of every degree. He makes r-o noise, and does no quar reling, but lie is present in well nigh every riotous company, and is found at table with wines and liquors of every kind, name and quality. In himself, and so far as his personal behavior is concerned, the oyster is perfectly re spectable, and gentlemen and gentle women have him at dinner without scruple; but there can be no doubt that his in me is suggestive of dissoluteness and dissipation, precisely as tho horse, noblo as he is, is indissolubly associated in our minds with certain forms of knavery and with jockeyisrn “in all its branches,” as the street signs say. — Dickens, we believe it was, who pointed out tho fact that the moment that any innn falls into the poverty which comes of drunkenness and idleness, he begins to eat oysters as a regular diet, and not withstanding the high estimation in which the best of us hold this mollusk, his name somehow suggests irregularity of living, late hours, unvvholesi mo haunts and potations of gin. o J> * “Y-o-o-u u, John,” bawled an Fiber ton wife to her husband the other even ing as he started off up town to hear from the election, “if yer don’t come right straight back here and chop mo up enough stove-wood to get breakfast with, I'll come after yer with that new fryin’ pan, and put a photograph of Ha ler & Wliees with it over your eyes ” He chopped Ihe wood. Don’t, ask your pastor to pray without notes. How else can he pay his provis 1 ion bill ?