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CARDS. TIB OS. 'W. TEASLI, ATTORNEY AT LAW, HARTWELL, GA. Will practice in Superior Courts of Hart, El bert, Oglethorpe and Madison. Prompt atten tion to collection of claims. U R. S3. JOKES, ATTORNEY AT LAW, ELBBBTOK, GA. Special attention to the collection of claims, [ly SHANNON & WORLEY, AT T O RN E Y S AT LAW, ELBERTOi\, Ct. ITT ILL PRACTICE IN' THE COURTS 01 \ V the Northern Circuit and Franklin county attention given to collections. J. S. BARSETT, A T T ORNEY. AT LA W , BLBBB7GH, GA. joiSK t. osnons, ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW, ELEEkVQH, GA. WILL PRACTICE IN SUPERIOR COURTS and Supreme Court. Prompt attention to the collection of claims. nev 17,1 y A. E* HUNTER, M. D. PRACTICING PHYSICIAN Office over the Drug Store, ELISEUTOS, GEORGIA. ■\'T7 ILL ATTEND PROMPTLY TO ALL YV cases. [A ug'P2,Cm E I.I2GBATON EASINESS EAKSAS. LISBfCARRiAQES ¥ SUMIES. | j. :p. at; li > (Carkiace'lllamifactti Gd EEtSEEiTOK, CEO KG 2A. WITH GOOD WORKMEN ! LOWEST PRICES! CLOSE PERSONAL ATTENTION TO BUSINESS, and an EXPERIENCE OF 27 YEARS, 110 hopes by honest and fair dealing to compete any other manufactory. Good Buggies, warranted, - $125 to $l3O K E PAIRING AND BLACKSMITHINO. Work done in tins line in t very best style. The Best Harness TERMS CASH. V y22-l v _ J. M. BARF3 E 1 ~J e ) ~ 9 -"''Vi:- *:r . > s# •k“wA-- Tll E JIE AI j LIV E Fashionable Tailor, Up-Stairs, over Swift & Arnold’s Store, ELBERTON, GEORGIA. SSsTCall and See Him. T. M. SWIFT. .T. K. SWIFT. TITOS. M. SWIFT & CO., Dealers in hld& M Mil IMI At the old stand of Swift & A'rnold, HLBERTON, GA. •pESPECTFTLLY SOLICIT A COXTINU II ance of the patronage hitherto awarded he l.ous , promising every effort on their part to merit the same. jan.s TH E ELB E 1 IT ON fl. 0. EDMUNDS, Proprietor. | lias always on hand a full line of Pure Drugs and Patent Medicines Makes a specialty of PERFUMERY Anew assortment of WRITING PAPER & ENVELOPES Plain and fancy, just received, including a sup ply ot LEGAL CAP. CIGARS AND TOBACCO of all varieties, constantly on hand. NEW STORE I NEW HOODS! I. Gc. SWIFT, Will keep on hand FLOUR, MEAT, lard, SUGAR, COE FEE, HAMS, CHEESE. CAN NED GOODS, &C.&C. And other articles usually kept in a lirst-class Provision Store, which will be sold Cheap for CASH and Cash Onljc F. W. JACOBY, HOUSE k SIGH PAINTER Glazier and Grainer, ELBERTON, GA. Orders Solicited. Satisfaction Guaranteed O END ‘2sc. to (1 P ROWELL & CO., New York Ofor Pamphlet of 100 pages, containing lists of 3,000 newspapers and estimates showin cost of advertising. ly New Series. JOHN CONROY’S LUCK. In the year 1849, John Conroy, who had been admitted to the bar in the State of Massachu setts, finding that his native town was pretty well stocked with lawyers, made up his mind that he would leave his home and seek his for -1 tune in the South. He was a vouDg man of good talents and great industry, but, being poor, bad not the means to sustain himself until lie could acquire a reputation in the profession that would yield him a requisite income. He there fore gathered his little store of money, and set out one cold winter day to seek some place to locate on the-,Missississippi river. At least, such was his intention. The most trifling circumstances, he remarked, frequently turn one’s destiny for good or evil. 1 had spent some little time in most of the towns along the Missississippi, and finding nothing that seemed to justify a young lawyer of North ern birth in lhiug there, I finally arrived at Columbus, Tennessee, just eight months after I had left my home. ’Twas here I met a gentle man who gave me a letter of introduction to a lawyer residing in Ilickman, Kentucky, who he thought could assist me in my efforts to become established. It was a bright morning that I mounted ray horse, and with my letter safely stowed away in my saddle hags, set out on my journey. I had ridden late into the afternoon, and was some what weary when the roofs of a small village, situated about a mile in advance of me, came invitingly before my vision. My tired horse must have discovered them about the same mo ment as his master, for lie pricked up tis ears J and commenced to accelerate his pace. Turning | from the highway and following a lane bordered with green sward, I made a short cut to the vil lage street. But just before 1 reached the houses i I met a short, puffy person on horseback who was coining down the road. “Good day, sir,” he said, reining up his steed, which, at a glance, I saw was thoroughbred “ Good day, sir. Are you going to halt here, or do you go anywhere in the neighborhood of the ; Kentucky State line?” Not being acquainted with the topography of the country 1 could not answer his question di rectly, but told him that I was going to Hick man. “Ah," lie rejoined, “that i = ull right. You’ll have to pass my place, and perhaps put up .here for a night. Now, sir, I would be obliged to you if you would do me a small favor. My name is' Northup, Elliston Northup and I live only some lilteen miles trom Hickman. “I shall be happy to oblige you, if in my p„w et,” I’ rej'ittUß ; “butpermit, trie to ask you if you are in any way related to Lawyer Northup, of Hickman ?” “Yes, sir," he replied, “he is my brother.” “1 am very happy to meet you, sir,” I contin ued, “for I bear a letter of introduction from Major Saunders, of Columbus, to your brother." And 1 immediately opened my saddle bags and got out 1113- letter, which I handed my new made acquaintance to read. “Uld Saunders," he said, with a smile, as he finished reading it, and handed it back to me “He. ij a good fellow. Is bis nose as red as ever 7 1 haven’t seen him for a couple of yiais.” “I must confess,” I replied, with a laugh, “that the major’s nose is pretty ficry.” “He is an awful drinker,” said Mr. Northup. “Few men can hold the night with him, I assure you.” “You astonish me,” 1 replied “I was at the hotel a week with him, and I never once remem ber having seen him at the bar.’ “No, no,” exclaimed Mr. Northup, “Saunders don’t drink at a bar. He’s a very peculiar man, very methodical ; ali his drinking is done at the club. There’s where you’ll see him lay his com panions out like ninepins. But really I’m de taining you. Jdy object was to ask you to in form my daughter, whom you will find at home, that Jake has run away from me again, and I suppose has taken the woods. Tell her, it you please, to inform Thompson the overseer. No doubt lie’ll be sneaking around before I return.” “Run away?” 1 ventmed to observe. “Yes,” replied Mr. Northup. “I was taking him up to Larkin’s plantation to sell him, for lie’s no manner ot use to me. So he managed to slip away soon after I arrived at the village yesterday.” Premising to attend to Mr. Northup’s request, we bid each other good-bye and separated- After a good night’s rest, I set out the following morning on my journey. It was almost dusk when I rode up to Mr. Northup’s mansion. A dozen or more hounds seemed determined to dispute my passage up the lane, and their barking had the effect to bring Miss Northup to the front porch, where she welcomed me and received the message her father sent by me. “Jake is a bad fellow,” she replied. “Papa has borne with his bad conduct for a long time, and, strange to sny, he never had him punished until last week. The wretch cut out the tongue of one of our favorite hounds, and papa then ordered Thompson to whip him—and as Mr. Larkin was willing to buy him to work in his lumber mill, papa determined to sell him.” “He must be a bad fellow,” 1 replied. “indeed, you are quite correct,”she answered; “but I knew he had escaped before you arrived, for he visited the quarters about daylight. Thompson only heard of it at noon, and started away with some neighbors in pursuit of him, and lie has r.ot yet returned. It’s a wander papa had not turned back, but now- that I recollect, be had some business at Cranch’s creek. Did he say when he would return ? ’ “I think not,” I replied. During the evening we had a pleasant c-.nver sation, and I took occasion to inform Miss Northup of the object of my visit to Hickman “I dare say, uncle will he glade to see 3011 for he is really over-worked with business. He took a young gentleman in bis office a shorl time ago, but they’ couldn’t get along at ali; sc they separated. Uncle is very forgetful and tier vous, scarcely any one can manage to endure him, but be is a kind man at heart and very generous. Papa and he are so very different ir temperament. 3'ou wouldn’t suppose they were brothers.” It was ten o’clock when I started to go to bed and Miss Northup came up the stairs behind me accompanied by' her maid, who carried a couple of candles. On the upper landing I met ar enormous black cat with green eyes, whe crouched as if she intended to spring upon me I always had an aversion to cats. lam not su perstitious nor inclined on the side ot the meta physical doctrines of those who suppoit them but a strange and unaccountable feeling crep ovei me as I stood in front of the animal will its glaring orbs and raised back. At a wore from the girl, however, the cat glided down th( stairs and was lost to sight, When I reached my chamber Miss Northuj remarked : | “Your door has a bolt on it, and I believe i ESTABLISHED 1859. ELBERTOIT, GA., DEC’E 0,1876. is the only room the house that is secured. “Don’t you lock your lower'doors ?” I asked. She smiled and replied : “We never think it necessary.” Musing on the strange custom which, by-the bye, I did not consider very safe. I went to bed and tried to sleep, but found it unable to do so. Strange visions floated across my brain, and I lay twisting and turning in the bed. vainly de siring slumber. I heard the clock down in the hall strike two, and then some chanticleer, as sleepless as myself perhaps, gave a prolonged crow. As the voice ot the rooster died away, there came a noise as of a person jumping from the window sill to the floor, and then followed the light and almost noiseless step of one as cending the stairway. Miss Northup’s room was In front and adjoining mine, and I listened with a quick beating heart to the creak upon the stairs. I got up quietly, and slipping on some of my clothes, seized one of my pistols. Step by step the creak came toward my door. I put my ear to the keyhole, and could hear the breathing of the villian. T stood motionless, the pistol grasped firmly in my hand. Not a muscle moved nor a nerve was slackened, for I fell that Heaven had selected me as the instru ment to effect its purpose. The step passed on and reached Miss Northup’s door. 1 heard it open softly, and 1 also opened mine ; the moon was shining almost as bright a.- day. Stepping softly along the entry I slightly opened Miss Northup’s door. No object was visible seve the bed within, upon whose snow white sheets lay the intended victim of the assassin. I opened the door still wider, and saw Hannah, ihe maid, in a sound sleep on the floor, while in the fur ther corner of the chamber stood a tall man, armed with a knife. He saw me, and was evi dently in the act of making a spring upon me. My heart swelled into my threat almost to suffocation, and 1 made a bound into the room, and Miss Northup started up with a scream, the villian made a spring for me and I fired taking deliberate aim. The blood spurted from his nioutli, and Jake fell nis full length up the floor, shot directly through the brain. For an instant. Miss Northup did not compre hend the situation, and implored me notto mur der her. 1-ut the noise of the pistol aroused all the household, and the truth was soon under stood. ******** Lawyer Northup and myself agreed very well indeed, and the reader will not be surprised to learn that 1 ultimately married his niece, whose life I certainly saved. 1 have now lived many years in Kentucky, but I invariably keep up the old Northern custom of locking up my house when I go to bed. SENATORS AND NYMPHS. Some time ago in the art gallery at Philadelphia, a gentleman looking at a picture hung high over tho entrance read aloud the title, ‘‘Centaur carrying off a Nymph.” A lady who had just passed it turned hastily and looked again ; then touched her compav.idn arid said in low tones : “Oh, Mary Emma ! that is a senator carrying off a nymph ! Do they really do such things ? ’ and she closed her eyes in horror “Hush h ! Oh, my dear, yes—of ten !” ‘Well, but Aunt Dora, it can’t be ' true; the nymphs, you know —why j don’t they make a fuss or something, j aunt? I never could be carried off j without—” “No matter wliat you think Mary Em ma," said the aunt, shortly. “I was in Washington for two months once, and Malvina Carson was there for half a year, and such, things as I saw,” shaking her head wisely. “You ought to hear Malvina talk awhile!” and she shud dered. Mary Emma regarded the picture meditatively, a few moments longer, then, “Aunt,” she said, “aunt, dear, I think—do you know—l think I’d like to | know a senator.” “Oh 1 you dreadful girl ! that I should ! live to hear you say such a thing as j that! Have you forgotten your cate chism, Mary Emma ?” “No, aunt; but lam perplexed, you know, and the nymph—does she forget her catechism, or is the senator’s memo ry poor ? Carried right oft'; dear me, Aunt Dora,-I do not understand it at all! Is it because the senator is so very powerful and the nymph is so very weak ?” “Mary Emma,” solemnly, “it’s both : Now be warned, rash girl.” “Aunt,” innocently’, “did you ever know a senator ?” “Dear me, Mary Emma, see how you have caught your parasol in my lace— there’s another thread broken ! I think we have been here about long enough. ; Let us go to the bakery and get some coffee.” And they went, Mary Emma still look ing perplexed and puzzled, Aunt Dora virtuously defiant. HOW TO GET ALONG. Don’t stop to tell stories iu business hours. If you have a place of business, be found there when wanted. No man can get rich by sitting around stores and saloons. Never fool in business matters. Have order, system, regularity and also promptness. Do not meddle with business you know nothing of. Do not kick every stone that happens in your path. More miles can be made in one day by going along steadily than by stop ping. Pay as you go. A man of honor respects his word as he does his bond. Help others when you can, but never give what you cannot afford because it is fashionable. Learn to say no. No necessity of snapping it out dog fashion, but say it firmly and respectfully. Use your own brains rather than those of others. Learn to think for yourself. Keep ahead rather than behind the times. PRETTY OR NOT. To be pretty is tiie great object of al most every living woman, even of those who lecture upon the impropriety of do ing so. Beautiful women spend a great deal of thought upon their own charms, and homely women grow much more bom ber through fretting because they are not handsome. > Men, at least while they are young, are very much like women in this re spect. They hide their feelings better There is one comfort to the homely ones, however. , After you come to know people very intimately, yon do not know whether they are pretty or not. Their “ways” make an impression on you, but not their noses and ears, their eyes and mouths. In time, the soul expresses itself to you, and it is that which you see. A man who has been married twenty years scarcely knows what his wife looks like. He may declare that ho does, and tell you she is a bewitching little blonde, with soft blue eyes, long after she is fat, and red, and forty ; because the image of liis early love is in his heart, and he doesn't see her a? she is to-day, but as she appeared the day he told her of his love. Or, being an indifferent husband, lie may not know she is the fine woman that other people think her. You have known men who have mar ried the plainest women, and think them beauties ; and you know beauties who. are quite thrown away on men who only value a wife for her success as a cook. As far as one’s effect on strangers is to be taken into consideration, beatify is valuable, and very valuable. So, if you have it rejoice; but if you have it not, be content. Take care of your heart, your soul, your mind, and your manners, and you will make yourself that beauty which will lender you lovely to those who are nearest and dearest to you. THE MORAL EFFECTS OF HURRY To the thoughtful, rays the London Lancet the moral consequences of ten sion and bu.vry are saddening; to "the pAjSieian t-Lcir rMbits are a matter of profound concern ; their grave evils come under his daily observation. No evolution of force can take piaeo with undue rapidity without damage to the machine in which transformation is effected. Express railway stock has a much shorter term of use than that reserved for slower traffic. This law is universal that intensity and duration of action are inversely propci tioned. It is therefore no matter of surprise to tind that the human nervous rystota is no exception to the law. The higher salubrity of rural over urban life is not entirely a matter of fresh air and ex ercise. Rural life involves leisure and pause in work, which are very essential to the maintenance of the nervous sys tem in a state of due nutrition. TJu remitting spams soon ceases altogether. The tension of life produces weakness i at the very place where strength is most! needed. The damage done to the health j of the most valuablo part of the com- j rnunity, the best trained thinkers, most j useful workers is incalculable. Work I and worry through not proportional, j are closely connected, and an excess of ! the former soon entails an increase in ! the latter beyond the limits which the . nervous system can bear with impunity j especially under the conditions under which work has to be done. The ma chinery and organizing the work of a community had to be rigid and inflexi ble, and in the strain involved in bring ing organism into harmony with a machine, the former must inevitably suf fer. “JESUS LOVER OF-.MY SOUL.'’ The brothers, John and Charles Wesley with Richard Pilmore, Avere one evening holding a twilight meet ing on the common, Avhen they were attacked by a mob, and fled from its fury for their lives. The first place of refuge that they found, after hav ing been for some time separated, was a hedge row near at hand, behind j which they hid a few minutes, pro- j tecting themselves from serious inju- i ry by the missiles,, that fell like bail about them, by clasping their hands above their heads, as they lay with their faces in the dust As night drew on, the darknes enabled them to leave their temporary retreat for a safer one at some distance. They found their wav, at last, to a spring house, where in comparative securi ry, they Avaited for their pursuers, too weary of seeking them. “Here they struck a light with a flint stone,” dusted their soiled and tattered gar ments, and, after quenching their thirst bathed their hands and faces in the Avater that bubbled from the spring, and flowed away in a sparkling streamlet Then it Avas that Charles Wesley was inspired to write “Jesus, lover of my soul,” with. a bit of lead which he had hammered into a pencil. These circumstances beautifully il lustrate the hymn, giving to almost every line a reality that makes it pe culiary significant to every Christian heart. They had fled before their en emies, and found shelter from danger - . He sang: “Jcssus, lover of my soul, Let me to thy bosom fly.” Vol. AT -2STo. BXL • 'WHISTLING GIELS. Show me a girl Avho lias the hardi hood to Avhistle in these days when everything natural even to the very hair of your head is at discount, and i’ll show you a girl who can be depend ded upon, one Avho will not fail you in time of need and will give you a true, hia ty grasp, the cordial hand-shake, the Avarm, genuine welcome—no tip of the kid glove and a cold ‘ how do you dot” Who can brave danger, look toil in the f.vce without shrinking, laugh with those who laugh, weep with those Avho weep, as well as whistle with those |Avho whistle; who can in short, take the world as she Winds it, rough and rugged and not go through life as though she were walking on eggs and afraid of cracking a shell, Avho deals in substance, not shalow. REPORTED APPROACHING MARRIAGE OP GOV. TILDEN. For some Aveeks past there have been rumors to the effect that in the event of his election to the Presidency Mr. Tilden Avas to be married to Miss Lola Morse, daughter of the late Professor Morse, preparatory to furnishing aa event of his defeat it is rumored that the couple Avould sail immoadiatoly for Europe These reports assume more definite form, and the engagement has been positively asserted in social and political circles for the last few days. The friends of the lady do not credit the story, and no positive authority fer the announcements can beobtained from any of Gov. Tilden’a friends. Mr. Trl den has been for many years an in timate acquaintance ol the family Miss Morse is a young lady 21 years of ago, of stately figure and much beauty of' countena. ce. She is rarely accomplish ed as a musician and linguist. Miss Morse and her mother sail for Europe on Wednesday next, with the intention of remaining abroad fer three years or more. This latter fact is accepted as a denial of the reported engage ment.—N. Y Tiibuue. FOOLING*! FRUITER. A staid looking gentleman, appearent ly a stranger, stopped at an apple stand: “What is the price of oranges 1” ho asked, pointing to a collection of large pears. ‘-Dees ees not de borange,” said the polite vender. “Does ees de California paire. One for twenty ii’ cent.” “You don't mean to tell me,” said the stranger, putting Lis hand upon an ap ple, “thatthis is a pear?” “Pardon! no! I Bay dees ees de paire. Does is do apple. Tree for de ten cent." “Well, I must say,” continued the stranger, picking up a handful of chest nuts and examining them critically, “that these are the queerest apples I ever saw.” “Oh, mon Dieu! no! Dem cea de cboseynut what grow in your own cor.ntree. Yon roast theein on do fire." ‘ Roast them in the fire! Well, upon my word, fingering a bunch of bananas curiously; “I don't see Low such chest nuts as these can be improved by roast ing. They seem to be soft enough now. However,l am much obliged. I U ste you later. Good day;” and tr.e straug or passed up tho street. “Gentlemen,” said the fruit dealer, turning in an appealing manner to the crowd that had gathered, “dat man is ono escaped fool from de penitentiary.” Atlanta Constitution. WEARING THE BREECHES. Mr. Meiriv. ether paused at tlis gate, as he adjusted his continental oil cloth, and gave his to rch the proper slant over his shoulder, to shout to Lis neigh bor acrosss the way : “It is a time that demands men, men of nerve and in telligence and courage, men of clear ideas and pure convictions and the citizen avlio stands idly waiting when Country calls him is heartless, and neg ligent, and unpatriotic.” And then Mrs. Meniwether’s voice was heard floating o%'er the front fence like the song of a bird in the night: ‘ Krasins Merri wether ! If you go oft’ without splitting up wood enough for the kitchen stove I'll uo some haymaking in chat carroty hair of yourn that’ll make you wish this j country never had a President." And j it is just such chilling influences as j these that shut so many of our best men j out of active public life. A Gem—Nothing on earth c:.n smile but a human being Gems may flash reflected light, but what is a diamond’s flash compared with and eye flash and a mirth flash 1 A face that cannot smile is like a bud that blossoms, and dries up on the stalk. Laughter is day, and sobriety is night, and a smile is the twilight that hovers gently between them both, and more bewitching than either. - -cn* ♦ “Turnout! turn out!” cried a roy stering teamster to someone he was meeting. “Turn out, or I'll serve you as I did the other man !” Tho stranger, in astonishment, complied, but, when John Avas nearly opposite, called to him with, “pray, how did you serve the other man ?” “Why, sir,” said tho Avag tipping a Avink, “I told him to turn out, and ho Avouldn’t, so I turned out myself.” In your engagements, be careful whr.t you promise ; but ay hen you have once committed yourself, keep vour promise faithfully. CHANGED HIS OCCUPATION. Merrills, one of the leading grocers in Danbury, made a rather unfortunate speculation in the Avay of a clerk last week. He was a middle-aged man, with a white face, largo eyes, and a decidedly subdued expression of face. He was a relative of Mrs. Merrills, and has for the past ten years been laboring as a col porteur for the Methodist church in Il linois. His health failed, he Avas oblig ed to give up his work, and so he came East to visit his relatives and look up I some other business. While here Mr. | Merrills thought to take him in the gro j eery as a clerk, but the experiment avus i not a success. ! “He’s just as honest as the day is | long,” explained Mr. Merrills to the j writer, “and as industrious as a bee, but | that Methodist traveling business had I got so set on him that he couldn’t shake ;it off, no how, and I don’t know what ■ the poor man will do unless he goes | back to the same work. He made it ; pooty warm for several of our custom* ' ers before I heard of it, but he meant for the best without a doubt,” added Mr. Merrills, more cheerfully. ■ It was a Tuesday morning that ho en tered upon his duties as clerk. Mr. Merrills’ assistant had gono out with the | team in search of orders. Mr. Merrills j had a barrel of syrup in the cellar to I draw off’, and ho went down there to at tend to it, leaving the neAv man in the store to wait on customers. It was not a busy day iu tho grocery, so the grocer availed himself of the fact, and his own proximity to break in his wife’s relative. The first customer wrs a young woman in quest of rice. Tho new clerk went to the head of the stairs to learn the price, then reported to her. “Five cents a pound,” said she. “I thought it was only four.” “Five is the price, my dear friend,” he pleasantly replied. Sho took several pounds. Next came a buxom looking woman who ’.vanted to see some clothes lines. There were three kinds. He got the price of them, and then prepared to deal with her. There Avas only one kind that suited her, but sho didn’t like the price two dollars. “I’ll give you a dollar and a half.” “I couldn’t possibly take a cent less than $2, my unconverted friend,” he ex plained in an impressive voice. She started—looking curiously at him. “I'll give you a dollar and seventy five,” she finally said, looking surprised. “i’m sorry,” he said, “but I must havo two dollarß, unregenerate woman. She started again, gave him a search ing look and shot out of tho store. The new lerk put up the lines, and took his position back of the counter to patiently wait another call. It present ly came. It was a short man with au burn hair and a freckled countenance. Ho wanted a ham. The price was given him. “Eighteen cents,” ho whispered, as if the price had nearly taken his breath. “Yes, sir. Eighteen cents, my Avay ward friend.” “But it ain’t worth but sixteen, ham ain’t,” protested the stranger. “But just look at tho quality of this ham, my hardened sir.” He looked at the clerk instead, 110 was evidently suprised at something. “I'll give you 1(5 cents,” lie finally said. “Eighteen I must have, unconverted one,” softly replied the clerk. “VYhat'e that 1" sharply inquired tho short man, with flushing face. “I say eighteen is the least lean tuko. If you will pause a moment and consid er, wretched man—” “What’s that? ” again asked tho man, with elevated voice and flashing eyes. “Don’t get excited, I pray you,” ex postulated tiie clerk in a soothing tone. “This ham is something far superior to what you have been used to having, I can assure you, my utterly lost and damned sir—” The new clerk suddenly paused hero to jump upon the counter, being induc ed thereto by the extraordinaiy move ments of the short man Avith the freck les, who having pulled off his coat in an incredibly short space of time, and flung it on tho floor, and shied his hat in the same direction, was now rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and dancing around the room in a wild nnd incoher ent manner. Tho noise attracting the attention of Mr. Merrills, iu the cellar, he hurried up stairs, and was antonish ed beyond measure to see the new clerk on the counter, Avith a butter ladle in his hand, excitedly warding off tho blows of a coatless and hatless stranger, in the delirium of rage. “Utterly lost and damned, am I?” screamed the short man, making a vi cious pass at the new clerk's knees, and catching the edgo of tho ladle on hi j knuckles. Mr. Merrills rushed speedily to the rescue of his clerk. Explanations fol lowed, the short man was quieted but scarcely satisfied and went away without the bam. The new clerk got down from the counter very much subdued, and peace again resumed her beneficent sway in the grocery. But the clerkship Avas given up by mutual consent. No woman, ho wever nervous sho may be, lias any right to Avake her husband from a sound sleep, to tell him, on his inquiring Avhat is the matter, “Nothing, only I wanted to knoAV if you were a Avake.” — A negro Avitness in a trial the other day Avas asked Avhat ho was doing in a certain liquor shop at a certain time. — Ho explained that ho had gone there to “change his breff.” The explanation was accepted. An Arkansas man thoughtlessly set some spring guns in his poultry yard, and tho next morning in tho rising sun he rubbed his spoefieales and started in speechless amazement at eighteen candi dates sitting on the front fence picking bird shot out of their thirty six legs. Women nro presumptuous creatures. They always ask for a lock of thoir lover’s hair before marriage, and tako it Avithout asking afterword.