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ALBANY NEWS.
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ALBANY, UA., - - - June 15, 1880
Wit and Humor.
Several year* ego the reverend and
venerable Doctor Jeter, of Virginia,
waa holding a Wednesday night ser
vice, and a very slim gentleman was
E resent. After lecturing for a lialf-
uur, he gave out a hymn to close the
exercises. No one liclongiiig to his
own denomination being present to
raise the hymn, he called on a Meth
odist brother present of the name of
Moon, lie said:
“Brother Moon.
Will you raise the time?”
But brother Moon had no hymn-
book. and was unacquainted with the
spiritual songaof the Baptist church;
therefore he replied, extemporane
ouslv:
“Brother Jeter.
What's the meter?”
The tangh that followed was long
and loud.
An honest farmer, a few miles from
Dumfries, was often found fault with
by bis wife for staying too late in
town on market nights.
A* last she set out with him one
dav herself, and in the evening forc-
ed'him home rather sooner than he
wished. Accordingly they mounted
the auld gray mare, and rode on till
they came to a small brook that cross-
mi the road, when the mare put down
her head to drink, and, after being
satisfied, again went on.
“Now,’ said the gudewife. •‘If you
would do like the mare. When she
has enough, she stops of her own ac
cord, and cannot you do the same V
“True, gudewife,” said he; “but if
there was another auld gray mare on
the other side of the burn, and the
ane saving to the ither, “Here’s t’ye,
and here’s t’ve,’ there is no telling
when they might.part.”
“Beautiful, beautiful silken hair!'
Philip murmured, fondly, toying lov
ingly with one of her nut-brown
tresses; “soft as the plumage on an
angel's wing; tight as the thistle
down that dances on the summer air;
the shimmer of sunset, the glitter or
yellow gold ; the rich, red-brown of
autumnal forest blend in entrancing
beautv in it's—" •
And just then it came off in his
hands, and he forgot just w hat to say
next.
There was a moment of profound
silence, and then Aurelia took it from
him, and went out of the room with
it. When site came back he was
gone.
They meet now, but they meet as
strangers, and the eyes that were
wont to beam upon each other with
the awakened love light, now glare
as though life was an etA-iial wash
day.
“I want yon to di-tinctly under
stand. sir,”' began a Third Street wife,
as her husband came home aiid toss
ed into her lap an open letter, ad
dressed to her personally. “I want
you to distinctly understand that
read the pspe'sl”
“Do, eh ?” was his careless reply.
“Yes, sir, I do: and I know that
the Postmaster General has ruled
that a husband has no control over
his wife’s correspondence. Hence,
sir, rob have for the fifth nr sixth
time, opened a letter addressed to me
personally!”
“Yes, I know ll,” he demurely re
f lied, “and for the fifth or sixth time
have written across the envelope,
‘Opened by mistake.” If that doesn’t
cover the case, you can appeal.”
She didn’t appeal, bnt she's going
to rent a lock-box.
A clergyman said that lie once vis
ited a lady of his parish who had just
lost her husband, in order to offer
consolation, and upon her earnest in
quiries as to the reunion of families
in heaven, lie strougly asserted liis
belief in that fact; and when she ask
ed him, with anxiety, whether any
time must elapse before friends would
be able to find each other in the
next world, he emphatically said:
“Xo; they will be united at once.
He was thinking of the happiness
of being able to offer the relief of
sneb a faith, when she broke in upon
bis meditation by exclaiming:
“Well, bis first wife lias got him,
then, by ibis time!” He reached for
his hat.
They bad been engaged about fif
teen minutes, and she nestled her
head a little closer under the shadow
of the monumental shirt-collar, and
whispered:
“And now what arc vou going to
call me, Algernon?”
“Birdie !’ r lie whispered rapturous
ly, while his voice trembled with
tender emotion—“always atid ever,
■ nothing but Birdie!”
And she fairly coonil with delight.
He kept his word, although, with the
growing precision of middle age, he
jut become specific, and does not deal
in sweeping generalities any more;
and so it was that, ilav before yester
day, a neighbor, going in the back
way to borrow the axe, a cup of su
gar and the cistern pole, heard him
call her an old “sage hen.”
A lady brought a child to a physi
cian to consult him about its health.
Among other things, she inquired if
be did not think the mineral springs
would be useful.
“Certainly, madam,” replied the
doctor, as he eyed the child, and then
took a large pinch ofitniiff. “I hnvn’t
the least hesitation in recommending
the springs; and the sooner you ap
ply the remedy the better.”
“You really think it would be good
for the dear little thing, don't you?”
“Upon my word, it's the best reme
dy I know of.”
“What mineral springs would yon
recommend, doctor?”
“I want to find out who is the mas
ter of this house,” said the man with
a book under his arm to the vinega
ry-looking woman with a pointed
nose and a very small lop-knot, who
opened the door.
“Well, stranger," she said, with
arms akimbo, “you ju-t walk around
into the ba>k yard, and ask a little
spindle-shanked dencon you'll find
thcro flndin’ up the grape arbor, and
lie’ll tell you, if I don't boss this
ranche, lie don't know who does. -
Now wliat do you wnnl with tne?”
Mrs. Ktckliardsou, living near Rome,
was burned to death Jus: week.
Tri-Weekly News
—FOR THE—
A3LB AM1T
I ALBANY BOOK AND JEWELRY STOREl
THE LARGEST, CHEAPEST ANh REST
ISelected Stock of Miscellaneous Books,]
SCHOOL BOOKS,
—AT THE—
Cnnunts Comer I
Fine Gold Jewelry* Watches. Clocks.
Musical InstruinentH, Cutlery anti Fine Fancy Goo tin,
EVER BROUGHT'TO THIS MARKET!
We have In slock an elegant line of
NEW GHROMOS!
—FOR—
The Cwplgil
I Goods Hold at a small margin of
Profit!
Our large and Increasing sales enable ns to
buy nud sell in such quantities
AS TO DEFY COMPETITION IN PRICES 1
Call and examine our prices before pur-
| chasing elsewhere. No trouble to show goods.
* All orders promptly filled.
A*
WELCH &
Booksellers and
April 29, 1880-
MITCHELL,
•T ewelers,
ALBANY, GA.
Wholesale & Retail
A Lire, Progressive Journal
BIO DRIVES!
—FOR—
GREAT SACRIFICES!
In all Departments at the FAMOUS
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viL/
ID
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Boots, Shoes.
Hats, Caps,
Umbrellas, Clothing,
Trunks,
Valises,
Table Linen,
Oil Cloth,
Published Every Tuesday, Thursday]
and Saturday Morning!
-OF-
MORRIS MAYER’S
PLANTATION GOODS.
Iu Cotton and other Domestic manufactures, we offer au unequalled line In
riety and price. We are Factory Agents far moat of the leading brands, and can ’
~ “ ’ i, thus lav'
Only #1
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aving freight to purchaser.
For Three Months’ Subscription
ESPECIALLY IN
CLOTHING
We are determined to keep the NEWS fairly up with the progress of tbs day, I
to furnish the reading people of this section a live, progressive tri weekly journal, |
and therefore announce
The Albany Tri-Weekly NewsI We are Determined to reduce our over-
The fierce political campaign through which we are to pasa, both National
and State. will he one of unusual interest to all clane*. and a weekly newspaper
will be an lasutficleut conveyance to carry to the people Intelllgeoce ol the mo.
mentous issnes involved. The TRI WEEKLY la sufficiently large to present all
facts and a careful resume of the news of the day, which we propose to do la a careful
sod energetic manner.
We shall at once make arrangements by which we shall be enabled to present to |
oar readers special telegraphic reports of the more important matters at the Capital
and elsewhere, and are determined that each issue shall be fresh and newsy.
The subscription price of the TRI-WEEKLY NEWS it 91 for the campaign. J
Its contiuance after the expiration of that time will depend upon the encouragement]
we receive for the enterprise. Unexpired subscriptions to the WEEKLY will be
furnished the Thursday's edition of the TRI-WEEKLYc Advertisements will be |
iuserted at an advance of only 33 1.3 per cent over our weekly rates.
With a firm reliance in the enterprise and liberality or the people of Albany and
Southwest Georgia.aiu] re.afflrming our purpose to servo their beat interests, we|
hereby cut loose from the Weekly moorings, and announce The Ai.bant Tbi.
Weeelt News.
We earnestly uk the encouragement and assistance of oar frieuds throughout j
Southwest Georgia. *
EVANS & WARREN,
Editors and Proprietors.
Albany, Gc,, June 12,1880,
whelming Stock !
LOW PRICES
WILL FETCH YOU.
Call at
*
Morris Mayer’s Depot.
Albany, Qa., May 27lli, 1880.
BOOKS, STATIONERY, JEWELRY, CUTLERY, Ac
Albany hn long felt th* need of another afore of tbla chararler. and I lake plenum* in inr.tmiin^ my
friends and the nubile generally that I have recently u|n>uhI In WILLI Null AM’s KI.OUK, in the »loro
formerly occupied by Air. Joseph Ehrlich, a beautiful ami select stock «»f
Books, Stationery Watches, Clocks, Jewelry, Silver-Plated Ware,
Cutlery, Musical Iurtrunionts, Window Similes. Sewing Machine*.
Needles and Attachments, Picture Frames and Mouldings. Toys. Vases. Toilet Sets.
Spectacles, Gold Pens and Pencils. Sporting Goods, Notions, Periodicals, etc.
i trial.
upr22-tf
O. J. DANIEL.
Is a specialty, and contains a full assortment. We are the
only
Wholesale LIQUOR Dealers
In Southwest Georgia, and in this line, as in all others, will
duplicate Northern oi Western bills.
Wagons, Carriages & Buggie*.
We have an immense Carriages Repository, and can sup
ply till}' vehicle desired nt manufacturers’ prices.
ALSO, HARNESS, SADDLERY, ETC!
In fact, ours is the most extensive General Merchandise
Establishment in Southwest Georgia, and out* facilities un
surpassed by those of any house in the South.
August 21, 1879.—ly s * Mayer & Glauber.