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My father — teacher, friend, parent
By Lillian Wan
My father died of a massive
stroke when I was still a teenager.
But somehow, he managed to cram
::: only a childhood full of good
es and friend times but also an
adult’s worth of wisdom during
his last years with me.
Check Nam Wan was a grocer.
Like many other Chinese during
ymy youth, my father managed a
small grocery store in a neighbor
hood where some of the customers
were so trusted, they were permit
ted to run up “tabs” near the end
of the month to pay off later. That
is, they were able to charge some
groceries on an account to pay off
up to two weeks later. The store
.opened the then normal hours of 7
a.m. to 10:30 p.m. Mondays
through Saturdays. We would get
up6a.m.,thenspend 10:30 p.m. to
midnight getting the store ready
for the next day. Sundays, we
-opened 9 a.m. to 12 noon so that
the church crowds could get in
their snacks, breakfast -r lunch
foods. Then we could rest some.
Often, my father’s “rest times”
from the grocery store consisted of
washing dishes, cooking, washing
his own laundry, cutting grass,
and even repairing his grocer
aprons.
. During my non-school times in
my youth, I would sit out in the
store with Daddy while he worked.
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We would talk when business was
slack about practically any sub
ject. We were good friends be
cause I could say anything I wanted
to and ask him any questions. He
taught me many things about life.
He cleverly reinforced my basic
math skills in addition and multi
plication. With some very good
customers, he would ask them to
patiently let me total up their pur
chases —=with pencil and paper. I
would add up the items and calcu
late the taxes. Then I would ring
up the items on the old cash regis
ter that could hand-crank during
power outages. If my poor feeble
gray matter added up the grocer
iesincorrectly, Daddy would spring
20 or so more math problems for
me to work on. He would tell me
that while I could hand-crank the
cash register when the electricity
failed, nothing could crank up my
brain to work properly if I didn’t
learn to use it right in the first
place.
He also taught me about respect
and responsibility to my work, any
work, especially where money was
involved. He noted that cashiers
or anyone working with monies
must make it right for the custom
ers as well as the bosses of the
money. That way, we would also
learn to do right to ourselves with
our personal finances. He dis
trusted the social security system
and lectured me on puttingat least
10 percent of all pay aside as I
earnedit. Healsodenounced credit
cards. While we would set up
accounts for trusted customers,
Daddy pointed out the person owed
any monies would be shorted for a
time and he personally did not
believe in doing that to anyone.
He felt it was much safer in the
long run to pay for something in
full when the money was saved up
for the item. Otherwise, who can
predict what emergency expenses
may come up which would prevent
timely payment of what monies
were owed? I still remember the
great astonishment on the car
dealer’s face when we paid for our
first family car ever in cash, in full,
per Daddy’s policy.
When I was 14, Daddy gave me
the biggest talk of my life. He
spent two hours talking about the
evils of drinking, smoking, doing
drugs, gambling and premarital
sex. He pointed out all the prob
lems that can come with doing all
those things. “Why should a per
son pollute their body with the
liquor, cigarettes and drugs? Why
should any young person wish to
risk their health, physical and
emotional, by indulging in sexual
relations before marriage? Wasn’t
there enough problemstodeal with
without taking on the avoidable
ones?” he pointed out. He noted
that his father was a alcoholic and
that he himself could not resist
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some liquor so he was afraid that
once I started, I would also have a
problem resisting liquor com
pletely. I was feeling a bit of the
teenage rebellion in being told to
promise not to do any of those
things but he would not leave me
alone until I did. Despite my re
luctance to give that promise, I
knew that his bigreason in getting
it from me was because he loved
me.
Daddy died the following year of
a massive stroke. His death made
my heart heavy for several years
straight for losing not only my
father, but also my great friend. I
could not find anyone else for many
years after that who I could talk to
like I could to Daddy. A few years
after his death, when I started the
struggletolive asan adult, Ibegan
to have great appreciation for all
he had managed to teach me. Iwas
conservative in my personal fi
nances and pushed myself to save
Happy Father’s Day,
June 15, 1997, Sunday!
as he had taught me. Seeing
peoplearound me struggle with
paying off past purchases with
future monies they are having
problems earning in the
present, I am extra determined
never to get any credit cards.
With my current lungproblems,
I am glad not to have to worry
about being addicted to ciga
rettes. My only regret now was
that I was too immature and
ignorant to have thought to tell
my Daddy more often that I
loved him.
Folks, forget about the em
barrassment or risk of looking
mushy. If your living father
ook the time to love you and
try toteach you right, be sure to
tell him how much you appreci
ate him and love him. Do it at
least one true, heartfelt time to
his face and heart while you
have the chance.
Check Nam Wan, I love you.
AUGUSTAFOCUS JUNE 12,1997
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