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Nomenphiliac Finds
Miss Fanny Awkward
BY L. M. BOYD
CONSIDER THIS—If you fancy unusal names, might try
the Fresno, Cal., telephone book. It lists Omie Beans, H. Red
Belt, Eli Bippus, Bevadean Breeding, Twyla Buffo, Carroll
Christmas, I B. Pius, Nudie Grimes, Gay Chase, and Andrea
Kiss, among others Interesting names, those. Authority for the
foregoing is Pat Jones. What, never heard of Pat Jones? She’s a
nomenphiliac who horses around in Grass Valley, Cal. It was
none other than Mrs. Jones who brought to light the existence in
New York City of Fanny Awkward, Wambly Bald, and B. Rhett
Turnipseed 111.
DID I TELL YOU a number of Tokyo doctors have installed
pinball machines in their ante rooms to keep the waiting patients
happy? . . . “AMONG my followers,” said Mohammed, “the best
of men are they who are best to their wives. The best of women
they who are best to their husbands.” . . . SUB-ZERO
TEMPERATURES in Florida? Incredible, but true. On Feb. 13,
1899, the thermometers in Tallahassee registered 2 below.
MODELS—StiII a fact that numerous young ladies secretly
wish to become professional models in the belief they can earn
high pay. That is a fancy without much foundation, however.
Good secretaries earn more than good models. The going rate for
experienced models in department stores now runs about SIOO a
week. Beginners are lucky if they get $75.
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Q. “My boy friend gave me an
engagement ring this week. It is a zircon. He made no secret of
that. He said he simply couldn't afford an expensive diamond,
but he loved me and wanted to make our engagement official.
Frankly. I’m hurt, but I just don’t know what to say to him.”
A. Honey, this is one of those times you’ve got to remember the
thing itself, like the worm in tequilla, is just not as significant as
the spirit in which it is given. Tell him you think he’s a fine
bright boy. ... Q. WHAT’S THE CANDY CAPITAL of the
country?” A. You must mean Chicago. More candy comes out of
Chicago than anywhere else.
FUNERALS—A cynical fellow contends in print that funerals
are “barbaric.” On the contrary. Funerals are civilized. And
subtle. In the spirit of that movement to tell it like it is, let it be
stated funerals present the best possible excuse for inheritors to
converge upon the spoils. When a man of means dies, he leaves
behind a pimple of goods and a dimple in influence. The goods
must be redistributed. The influence reassumed. It is on the
peripheries of funerals—at the rim of the grief—where these
matters are negotiated by the quick survivors to move the world
on.
ALASKA—In the lower 48 states, exactly 87 out of every 1,000
women get married every year. In Alaska, exactly 204 out of
every 1,000 women do likewise. This gives you a rough idea of
just how much a single girl can improve her matrimonial odds
by going to the Far North.
RAPID REPLY: Yes, Mr. H., turns out that language most
like Latin is not Romanian, but Romansch.
SIDE GLANCES By Gill Fox
~
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72 I -Jr)
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© IMt by NLA, |«. TJA Ke*. U 5. Fet OH.
"Mom's on a reducing diet but so far all she has lost
is her cool!"
CHECKING
• UP •
\ /
TIMELY
QUOTES
By United Press International
MIAMI—Mrs. Barbara Apari
cio Presley, a passenger on a
Mlami-to-New Orleans flight
hijacked to Cuba, telling how
the hijacker noticed she had
overheard him discussing his
plans with his two young sons:
"He looked at me and saia
If you speak Spanish, don’t say
a word. You have two children
and I have the gun.”
BILOXI, Miss.—Mayor Danny
Guice, commenting upon the
lingering effects of Hurricane
Camille, Particularly the loss of
hundreds of thousands of
dollars in property and sales
tax revenues when Gulf Coast
cities need it the most:
“We’re broke. We need
legislation just to continue our
basic government activities.”
DETROlT—Bernadette Dev
lin, the Roman Catholic Mem
ber of Parliament from North
ern Ireland, commenting on her
transformed opinion of Ameri
cans after enjoying their
generosity during her tour to
seek relief funds:
“Americans in Ireland are
big, fat men with big, long
cigars and great big mouths.
The only thing that Is small
about them Is their pockets.
Now I see that Americans
aren’t great, big people with
great big anythings. They are
just ordinary people on a big
mass of land.”
Almanac
For
Today
By United Press International
Today is Tuesday, Sept. 2, the
245th day of 1969 with 120 to
follow.
The moon is approaching its
last quarter.
The morning stars are Venus
and Saturn.
The evening stars are Mercu
ry, Mars and Jupiter.
On this day in history:
In 1935 one of the worst
hurricanes to hit the U.S.
mainland ripped through the
Florida Keys, killing more than
365 persons.
In 1945 Japan signed the
unconditional surrender on the
American Battleship “Missou
ri” in Tokyo Bay, ending World
War n.
In 1964 World War I hero Sgt.
Alvin York died at the age of
76.
In 1968 the toll in earthquakes
which hit Iran was fixed at
12,000 dead.
A thought for the day:
Manlius said, “As soon as we
are born we begin to die, and
the end depends upon the
beginning.”
THOUGHT
And to the assembly of the
first-born who are enrolled
in heaven, and to a judge
who is God of all, and to the
spirits of just men made
perfect.—Hebrews 12:23.
♦ • ♦
Justice remains the great
est power on earth. To that
tremenauus power alone will
we submit.—Harry S. Tru
man, 33rd U.S. president.
*lll
pome
This is good,
but that is bad
The State Revenue Department reports
that income for August was up 17.3 per
cent over the same month last year. In
other words, the State of Georgia collected
$75,230,464.25 which was an increase of
$11,112,904.51.
This is good. Very good. Income is up
without a tax increase. But -
Some people keep beating the drums for a
general tax increase in Georgia in spite of
the fact that the healthy growth of the state
is bringing a rise in income with it. And
that is bad. Very bad.
Yoke Still on Czechs
But Spirit Runs Free
The Czechoslovak people stand today even taller in the
eyes of the world.
For a heart-stopping moment on the anniversary of the
Soviet occupation, it appeared that demonstrations might
go too far, goading the oppressors into an even more brutal
assault on the free spirit than took place a year ago.
But Czechoslovaks did not go too far. For one day they
made unmistakably clear that while the loss of their free
dom might be a fait accompli, it would never have their
acquiesence. Then life returned to normal, if the ever
present awareness of foreign troops poised to crush any
attempt to take your destiny into your own hands can be
called normal.
The men who hold power in Prague today by right of
Soviet bayonets alone deceive no one, least of all them
selves, with their Communist phrase book assertions that
the demonstrations were the work of “criminal elements”
which failed to gain mass support. They know, as the world
knows, that the demonstrators spoke for the people, were
the people—Czechoslovaks telling the world that one year
after the invasion their will and spirit had not been broken.
Even the Soviets must realize by now that with their
brutalizing of Czechoslovakia they have at the most bought
time, but at what fearful cost. They have not made Czecho
slavakia or any other nation of Eastern Europe a more se
cure or reliable satrapy. They have not crushed the will to
freedom in Czechoslovakia or anywhere else in their sys
tem, not even at home. They have, in fact, given it new
focus and new martyrs.
The will to freedom is contagious. It can never be
stamped out completely, and given time it must spread.
The time the Soviets have purchased will surely run out
for them.
ztra Chuckling
With Ye Editor S*
A bachelor i« a male who never rings a girl except on
the phone.
••• • •
“What made you believe in flying saucers?” Answer:
“I pinched the waitress.” — Hash House Gazette
The best way to take a compliment is with a smile and
a grain of salt.
Variety
article
31 Compass
point
32 Jewish group
(init.)
33 Confined
34 Syrian city
36 Skeletal part
37 Chief god of
Memphis
39 Domestic
feline
40 Musical
comedy
44 Proselyte to
Judaism
46 Employer
48 Put on
49 Spanish pot
50 Heating device
51 Samuel's
teacher (Bib.)
52 Old World
lizard
53 Son of Adam
54 Seine
55 Existence
ACROSS
1 Agreement
5 On the
affirmative
8 Clement
12 Heavy blow
13 Melody
14 Iroquoian
Indian
15 Covers
16 Light brown
17 Musical
quality
18 Note in
Guido’s scale
19 Assail
21 Masculine
nickname
22 Gaelic
24 Goddess of
discord
26 Poetic
narrative
28 Fish sauce
29 Important
metal
30 French plural
1 [2 13 14 16 |7 19 hO 111
_ _ - —
_ _ ______
■np2 23 25
■"■'l2b F"
29
31 M 32
p 3 M 34 351
—I
39 ■■R6 - 41 42 ■■44 45
46 47 ■" 48 “|49
50 51 |52
53 54 [55 ’
__l_l | | I I 2
Answer to Previous Puzzle
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F'l PJ I 1 ] i i
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ISeIAISIM pREMI-rAINIEI
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IS I R EpNl |a|r|r|e|s|t|s|
23 Glossy fabric
25 Refuge
27 The dill
28 Dismounted
33 Puissant
35 Birds of prey
36 Thrash
38 Assists
39 Hints
41 Paradise
42 Rodent of a
sort
43 Distinct part
45 Demolish
47 College cheer
49 Monosac
charide
DOWN
1 Upright
standard
2 Infirm
3 Certain
conifers
4 Trustees (ab.)
5 Top of head
6 Narrow inlets
7 French river
8 Encountered
9 Satiric
10 Driving reins
11 Exploit
19 Tyro
20 Communica
tion system
BERRY’S WORLD
.p
ajf-L
© by NEA, Ik. *
"No, no—when I said 'Salt' I meant the 'Strategic
Arms Limitations Talks'!"
MY
ANSWER ,Ju
How to Change
I know I should be different
than I am, but how do I change
my life? W.E.
Deep within every heart (whi
ch has not yet been yielded to
Christ) Is the cry, “I ought not
be the way I am.” There Is a di
vine unrest In everyone until
they find rest in Christ. Even the
Apostle Paul, a man who had
achieved learning, religious sta
ture, as a member of the sect of
the Pharlssees, and coveted cit
izenship In the great Roman
Empire, wrote: “The good that
I would do, I do not, but the evil
which I would not, that I do.”
But Paul, like you, conscious
that hi* life needed to be “dif
ferent”, one day came into
contact with Jesus. Yielding his
will, he said, “Lord, what wilt
thou have me to do?” Christ was
made Lord of his life, and he ex
perienced conversion — or, as
you say, his life was changed,
made different.
Every person has this consc
iousness of inadequacy, of the
need of change.
Why?
We were made for God, and
when we are a lentated from
Him, as we are because of sin,
we are like homesick children
who can only find rest by return
ing “home.” Accept Christ and
you will be “at home” spiritual
ly. This doesn’t mean that all
your problems will be over. Just
as children who are "at home”
have problems, so will you,
but your heavenly Father will
be present to bear the brunt of
the burden.
WORLD ALMANAC
FACTS
V X AG©'•TffifaflE-Sw?'
Modern science has final
ly borne out what Popeye
has been declaring for
years: Spinach does pro
vide more energy. The
World Almanac says that
nutrition experts at the Na
tional Academy of Sciences
attest to the bright green
leaf topping nearly all vege
tables in all-round nutritive
values. Spinach contains
the most iron and vitamin
A of all popular vegetables,
with above-average doses
of vitamin C and calcium.
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