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Clje lOimuimt.
Labor Savin? Washin? Fluid.
“ Quails,’’ tlie queer correspondent of the Boston
Museum, who is dodging about the country picking
up and inventing all sorts of good things, relates the
following laughable story, which he pretends to get
from a Vermonter in a stage coach:
“ Well, gentlemen, 1 live in the State of V ermont
and in the village of , ’taint no matter, gentle
men, where I live ; the story is just as good without
being located ; so, as I once before stated, I live in
the State of Vermont —in one of the largest and 1
most flourishing villages of the State—have a wife
and one child, and have for the last year boarded a
•young physician, who will probably one day or an
other be master of bis profession, and is now, for
ought I know; but he used to be mighty careless
where he put his drugs and stuff, that’s sartin ! But
that’s neither here or there , at this part of, the story;
so, as I was going to say, about a year ago, my wife
didn’t enjoy good health, and it came very hard for
her to do the washing, although our family, was’nt
of course very large, inasmuch as I at that time,
didn’t have the pleasure nor the honor of being a
father —hut as I was saying, it came mighty hard
for my wife to do the washing, and it made her sick
for a clay or two afterwards; and as I was trying to
find a girl, one day, I dropped into a store to talk
the matter over, and says the merchant to me, says
he :
“There aint no necessity for having a washwo
man, now,” said he, “ for 1 have got a dozen bottles
of a patent labor saving washing fluid, that’ll make
your clothes just as clean as new, by just stirring
’em up in a tub with a stick, and letting ’em hang on
a line to dry.”
“What do you charge for a bottle ot it?’says I.
“ Well, seein’it’s you,” “you may have a bottlo
of it for seventy-five cents, though l calculate to sell
’em generally for a dollar a bottle.”
“ If sixty-two and a half cents will pay for a bot
tle,” says 1, “ I’l! take it home and sav no more about
it.’’
“Well, seein’ it’s you,” says he, “takeit along —
hut don’t tell nobody what you paid for it, for it
would ruin my business with the neighbors, and
then says he, after you have used it once or twice,
and find that it starts the dirt, as i tell you ’twill,
I’d like for you to give me a recommendation to put
n the newspapers, aud will make it right at the end
of the quarter.”
“ Certainly,” said I, “ if the fluid comes up to the
scratch, I’ll do the handsome thing for you.”
‘ Well, gentlemen, this was on Saturday afternoon
about four o’clock, and I took my big, black bottle
of fluid, put it in ray overcoat pocket, and started
for home. Now, thinks I to myself, wife always
picks up her clothes Sunday night and does up the
washing Monday morning, after breakfast; and so
’twould he a gook joke for me not to lot her know
anything about this blessed fluid, but get up Mon
day morning, while she is asleep, put the clothes in
a tub and pour on the fluid, stir’em up with a stick,
and hang ’em up to dry. ‘Good !’ says Ito myself,
right in the street, as loud as 1 am talking now, ‘l'll
do it, by ginger, if I have to get up at two o’clock !’
ho when l gets home, I takes the bottle of fluid out
in the woodshed, and pokes it up on a high shelf a
moug a lot of old beer bottles aad blacking boxes,
aud went whistling about the house, as though noth
ing hadn't happened.
“Saturday night I went to market, just as usual;
and Sunday we both went to church in the forenoon,
and staid at homo and talked about our future pros
pects in the afternoon; but I kept a keeping still a
bout the fluid, and I didn't let on, hut that I expect
ed she would do the washing the next morning, just
the same as ever. But I didn’t sleep much that night
1 kept thinking about stirring up that tub of clothes,
and getting ’em out to dry before daylight.. Once
1 got into a short doze, and dreamed 1 was\>nm
aning across a deep river of washing fluid, ami the
rocks at the bottom and both sides were all jjetrified
shirt bosoms and pillow cases, and there was an old
washer-woman on the bank of the river, who kept
a stirring on us up with a long pole. I reckon I
woke up about five o'clock ; for ’twas about halt way
between dajTight and dark, and I could just see the
lcastest streak of light in the world, among the
clouds round the tops of the Green mountains. I
turns over and looks at my wife, and she was sleep
ing as sound as a dead salmon ; so I carefully slides
out o’ bed, hurries on ray clothes, and in less than
ten minutes, had the old wash tub, filled *clear to
the top with all my wife’s ichite clothes, and all 1
could find of iny own. I pours in a pailtul and a
half of clean rain-water, and then goes out into the
voodshed, takes down the bottle of fluid, walks back
to the tub aud pours her all in ! Lord! hut’twould
have done you good to hear it sis!
‘ Well,’ says I, to myself, ‘ if that’s the dirt com
ing out, it makes a good deal of noise about it any
way ; and I guess its doing up the thing handsome
ly.’ So after letting it sis for about a minute, I
took up an old broom handle that was standing near
and wallops the thing about like a lamb’s tail in fly
time, for about three minutes, and then takes hold of
’em with my hands to string ’em out on the fence.
But, gentlemen, you’d better believe I dropped that
ere pile o’ duds mighty sudden !—bilin’ water wasn’t
a circumstance to ’em, and before I could get my
hands into a pail of fresh water, I thought my soul
I should lose’em both. For about a minute, I was
as mad as a scratched kitten, hut I finally thought I
wouldn’t wake up my wife with my bellering, but
hang up the bilin’ duds with the old broom handle
and let them drean and J*v on the fence; but the
plaguey things never cooled to the last minute, and
every time a drop of pesky fluid spattered on my
hands or face, it burnt worse than a half a bushel ot
live coals. I soon got tired of that sport, however,
and before I had got out on the fence, halt of what
was in the tub, I just washed oft my hands and tace
in some cool rain*water, and streaked it oft to bed.
But I couldn’t sleep a wink ; my hands pained me
so had that I had to keep blowing on ’em, to keep
from bellerin’, and says I to my wife, says I
‘Susan, hadn’t you better up get and put your
clothes to soak V
‘ Ho, h-u-m,’ rubbing her eyes with her thumb,
and a kind of winking as if she was half asleep. ‘Y es,
John, I guess had, hut how long have you been a
wake V
‘Oh, sometime,’ says I blowin’ my hands, and dig
ging my legs with my toe nails all the time to keep
groaning! ‘but get up‘ Susan, do, dear, or you will
he late with your breakfast, and l’v%got to go out of
town on important business.’
‘lf that’s the case,’ says she, ‘l'l certainly hur
ry.’
‘ You may depend on it gentlemen, I was in a
mighty uncomfortable fix about that time ! I want
ed to groan like a dying horse, and have something
cooling wrapt round my fingers; and then again I
didn’t want to make any noise, till wife had seen
how I had fixed things. Well; wife she hurried and
dressed herself, and went out into the kitchen to fiill
up the tub, and in few minutes I overheard her say
to herself, says she—
‘ Good heavens and earth ! YV hat does this mean?
1 never put these things to soak, John ! John, get
up, and come here, do.” , ‘
* I'm under a stropg impression, gentlemen, that
this customer wasn’t very slow in his movements
about that time; for in less than forty seconds, I
was thur. and says I, V
♦ What’s the matter, Susan? YVhatVtlie’Tnat-’
ter V
‘ Why, do look here,’ says she, ‘some one has put
all my best clothes in this tub, and then put some
thing on them, which lias entirely ruined them |‘
‘Ha, ha, ha!’ says I, ‘well, Susan, l lnigKt M
well own up the joke at once, for my hands acf e so
that I can’t hold in any longer. It’s nothing but
washing -fluid, and it cleans the clothes without any
rubbing, and it’s well it does, for tio pair of hands in
this world could stand it to do the rubbing. I got up
this morning while you were asleep, and done up all
the whole washing, and hung part of them on the
fence to dry.’
‘While 1 was saying this, wife she took a little
stick, and in trying to lift out of the tub one of her
—or that is—one of my garments—by ginger! the
tarnal thing hurst in two, right through the middle
—one half on the stick, and tother half falling hack
into the tub! Although I was sufferin’ from burnt
hands, and was as mad as a Green Mountain cata
mount, at what the infernal fluid had done, I could
n’t keep from laughin'* moment if I’d died for
I it. Resident,
‘ Wife took a po/* L *L I >iAY - on the fence, —
called up the do#* Vice President, and then had
a good crying spiv.! ■* , i lie doctor hurried into the
room, and after seeing wife a-sitting in the rocking*
chair, a-crying, and me walking the room and groan
ing, like a fall wind in a churchyard, says lie —
4 In the name of calomel and hot jalap, what is the
matter now V
‘Nothing particular,’says I, ‘ only I’ve burnt up
all the clothes in the house, and both of my hands
with a bottle of thunderin’ wasliin’ fluid that I’ve
been experimenting with.’
‘ The doctor looked at my hands, and says he—
‘ Where’s the bottle V
‘ On the door-step,’ says I.
The doctor went and looked at the bottle, and
then went out to the wood-shed and took a peep at
the old beer bottles and blacking boxes, and after
swearing a little to himself, came back into the kitch
en, and says lie,
‘Well, you have immortalized yourself, and no mis
take, and you shall he known hereafter as the
Washing Fluid Expert mentor.’
‘ What in thunder are yon laughing at?’ said I.
‘Why,’ says he, ‘your bottle of washing fluid
stands out on the shelf where you put it, I suppose;
and you have used up a quart and a half of the best
quality of oil of vitriol, that I’ve had on hand for
six months.’
‘Gentlemen, I’m a man that don’t use profane lan
guage only in extreme cases, hut if l did not make
the atmosphere in that room, blue for a few mo
ments, then ’twas because 1 didn’nt know how. I
went out and smashed up the uneorked bottle of flu
id, and swore eternal enmity to every thing of the
kind, and we’ve always washed our clothes in the old
fashioned way ever since; and if a man ever offers
me a bottle ot that stuff again, lie lias got to he a
smarter man than I am, or take a thrashing.’
■pm——a——
Tramping Tailors in a Fix..
The straights that travellers are often put to, and
the ingenious devices arranged to keep body aud soul
together by mechanics “on a tramp,” are matters
not entirely new to some who will read this
sketch. We were paying most respectful atten
tion to a nice porter-house steak, some time since, at
arestaurat, which a party of four entered and tbok
the adjoining box. From the conversation, it was
not difficult to discover that the four were tailors,
and two of them late arrivals.
“How’s trade in Buffalo? asked one of the resi
dents of the new comers.’’
“Trade,” echoed one of the parties addressed; “if
you mean the salt and flour trade, it’s excellent, I be
lieve; but there are enough tailors out of work to
form a regiment. We haven’t done any thing these
two months—left Buffalo with 3 hits between us.”
“But how did you get here ? Worked along in
spots, eh ?”
“Worked ! not a stick.”
“But how did you live ? —how travel ?—on foot?”
“Well, as to living, like fighting cocks; as to trav
elling, it was sometimes by railroad.”
“And with three shillings between you ?”
•‘Yes ; but perhaps you think that a big’un ?”
’ ,“ It boate mv time, I c<®fess.’’
“ftaf ha: y6u it, and Boh and I
are old ’uns. I’ll tell you our first dodge, and you
may imagine the rest. Os course the three bits were
gone the first night out of Buffalo. The next day,
after breakfast, Bob and I tramped until near dark,
and came to a large, nice looking house, aud conclud
ed it was best to stop, anyhow, and trust to luck.—
The man said he didn’t keep tavern, and when we
asked how far it was to one, answered five miles. —
We complained of fatigue and sore feet and he al
lowed us to stop. The lady of the house set out a
noble supper —and didn’t we eat! The gentleman
turned out to be a first rate fellow, and before we
retired treated us to some old Santa Cruz, which
didn’t go had, I tell you. Bedtime came and lie
showed us into a fine large room, with a bed fit for
a Prince; fine flannel blankets, just the thing for
this kind of weather. . After seeing that every thing
was to our comfort and liking he sat down a large
lamp, and, telling us we could blow it out when we
were done with it, hid us good night. After we had
got into bed, Boh began to speculate how we would
get oft’in the mourning. The man would of course,
have given us our fare for nothing if we had told him
we were strapped; but that we had not done, and
were in a puzzle. We thought about apologies, in
vented lies, hut they all dragged —or, rather, were
no go. All at once, Boh who had been examining
the flannel sheets, rather critically, sprang up :
“I have it,” said Boh.
“No—what have you?”
Get out of bed and slip on your breeches. Y ou’vo
your kit ?”
“Yes.’’
“Well, we’ll make these sheets up into drawers,
and pay our hills with them.”
‘T objected, hut Bob’s reasoning was too strong
for me, and at it we went. By three o’clock we had
made up five nice pairs of drawers, and putting them
into our bundles, slept till they called us to break
fast. I felt a little nervous about staying, fearing
the maid would go up to make the bed and discov
er the loss of the blankets; hut she waited on tho
table, and so I put in a hearty breakfast. When
breakfast was over, we told the gentleman of the
house we had no money, and offered him our draw
ers. He readily accepted and took the whole and
gave us two dollars to hoot. We didn’t wait very
long after the conclusion of the bargain, hut put,
taking an off road as soon as we were out of sight
of the house. Coming upon a train of burden cars,
we took passage on behind the last car, and rode
twenty miles, and took to the canal, and, with our
small capital, made our passage to Albany playing
cards with green horns. Can’t we travel ?” A loud
laugh followed the narrative, and the party broke up
without the travelling tailor giving any more items
from his budget. — Sunday Courier.
Leroy Jenkins,
YYliile riding,, not’ long since, in the old county of
St—ff —<V m Va., and passing along a rarely frequent
ed road, I heard a noise that at once arrested my at
tention. It was a soliloquy in a very loud key, and
interlarded with an occasional oath to prove that the
colloquist was in earnest. Guiding my horse qui
etly in the direction of the voice, I saw a follow evi
dently about half corned, deliberately cutting a long
hickory switch, and talking to himself at the same
time, with great earnestness I thought, at first, that
he intended to whip his horse, that stood tied, hard
by, and I was about turning off, when anew set of
phrases iif his self talk arrested me at once, and made
nie . the witness of the following scene :
“YV ell, now, Leroy Jenkins, I expect you’ll catch
go*fin a little while. It won’t be long first before
Leroy Jenkiu’s hide gets painted some. I’ll pay
you, Jenkins, for all this, you trifling cuss
you.’’
Being in some doubt who the Leroy Jenkins was
the name of his horse, or of some expected com
batant, whose preparations, of a character siinikir to
ti I sseisii ® II? IIIH,
those I have mentioned, were quietly progressing a
short distance on. I determined to waite the issue
of these fierce threats, and throwing my leg over
my saddle I prepared to become a calm spectator of
the fight, and perhaps an umpire when one party or
the other had got enough.
My friend of the hickory, as soon as he had cut
and trimmed his switch, and satisfied himself of its
elasticity and Unbroken strength, laid it down on
the ground talking all the time in a very truculent
manner, of Leroy Jenkins. Deliberately taking oft’
his coat, and laying it on a log, he took his flail, and
the first I heard of his succeeding soliloquy, was about
as follows:
4 re >o\v, Leroy Jenkins, ain’t you ashamed of your
self, you nasty hound-pup, and I am just now go
ing to give you your hitters,you infernal mean reptile,
you!”
In the mean time I leaned a little forward to catch
a glhnpse of his antagonist, hut though the coast
was comparatively clear, I could see no human face,
save that of the speaker, and I was now very sure
that he did not mean his horse, for he took an oppo
site direction. I had small time, however,for reflection,
for as his speech waxed warmer, he stepped a little
forward, and aimed a sort of backhanded blow which
descended with a keen sound and considerable force
on — his own back.
“There you infernal devil, take that, and that,
and that, )shrow , shrow , the switch descended.) —
That’s for your meanness, Leory Jenkins. Now, sir,
what are you going to tell your wife when you
get home, about tlie money you got for eggs and
buckle-berries, you mean pup. You spent it for li
quor, did you ? There take that, sir, (shrow, shrow,
shrow.) She told you, Leroy Jenkins, 16 buy
looking-glass, and enough calico to foake her a
chicken-bonnet, and where are they, you darned
cuss, you ? Gone for liquor, hey ? (shrow, shrow,
shrow.) YVell 1 don’t care if it does hurt, it serves
you right, Leroy Jenkins, for making a beast of your
self, and fooling your poor wife, you mean whelp,
you. Y'ou know, sir, when you left home, she told
you that you couldn’t pass Simmon’s without spend
ing all that money. Y'ou know she did, don’t you?
Now, sir, take that, (shrow. shrow, shrow,) and didn’t
you promise her, Leroy Jenkins, that you wouldn’t
go near Simmon’s, and you would ho sure to buy
her a nice glass, and the prettiest kind of callieo for
her bonnet ? Didn’t you, now, you cussed mean
dog you. Y'es, sir, you know you did, (shrow, shrow ,
shrow , and the hickory descended with frightful
keenness,) and Leroy Jenkins, what made you such a
fool as to go by Simmon’s at all when you saw Tom
Walker standing in the door ready to treat you, and
to drink all your money up ? What made you do
that, you rotten herring you ? (shrow, shrow.) YVell,
sir, I’ll pay you for all this, (shrow, shrow.) Y'ou’ll
go to town and spend your wife’s- money for whiskey
again, will you?'’ (and the blows were now perpe
trated with more frequency than his words.)
Although almost dying with suppressed laughter,
I watched the infliction of this self-acting punish
ment, which was bestowed with far more zeal than
were the thousands of stripes whereby Sanclio was
to disenchant the lady love of his master. At
length Leroy Jenkins stopped, either through pure
exhaustion, or because lie thought the delinquency
was sufficiently punished.
Throwing away his switch, which by this time was
a little frayed at tho end, he resuineijpibis coat and
his speech.
“Now Leroy Jenkins, now, sir, you’ve got licked,
too, this time, and the very next time you do this
trick, I’ll juist fairly take the hide oft’ of you. You
hear that, don’t you, and now go home, sir, to your
wife, aud beg her pardon, you mean cuss, you.’’
I slipped away unperceived by this justice-deal
ing culprit, but I never think of this scene without
an irresistible desire to laugh. And even now, when
ever there happen to he a little family breeze, I can
always make my wife smile by telling her, “I’ll go in
to the woods, my dear, and as a punishment for
liavinu vuxod von. for n u-liiln T.irny Jen
kins.—Spirit of the Times. >T
The
Ten years ago,
Or so,
In old Connecticut, there lived,
And thrived,
A lean apothecary, with a shop in which
He and his father both got rich :
This establishment, beside the cases,
Contained a boy to deal out pills.
Prescriptive cures for all the “ ills
That flesh is heir to
Oil from the bear, too,
To beautify the hair, too,
And up from the centre of the shop
Did pop,
In summer sultry days the soda,
Which ceased to flow no day.
Attached to his extensive druggery was a black
Man, a sort of hack,
Whose duty ’twas to carry prescriptions,
To the sick with verbal descriptions ;
For Sambo could not read,
Though he could bleed,
Nor write, forsooth,
Though he could pull a tooth.
But Sambo was a voter —he had money,
Which made him voter, in that land of honey.
One ’lection day, a vote,
That someone wrote,
Sambo secured, and for a safe place
To keep it, laid it in a big glass case,
So that when the time came
To name
His choice for officers to reign that year,
No fear !
And haul oppressing tyrants o’er the coals!
Now the boy,
Whose right employ
Was to administer pills
And squills,
Took from a sort of druggists’ Babel,
No fable,
A written label,
And placed it where
Sambo had laid his vote with so much caro
Town meeting da)’ arrived, (that day so noted
Throughout Yaukee land) and Sambo early voted.
* * * *
Tho inspectors made the count
To this amount,
And thus they did declare
It there:
“ For the Whig candidate there doth appear
A clear
Majority of ten,”
And then
One “ scattering vote for William Carter,”
And one for “ Cream of Tartar.”
Who Could do Better.
A father sits by the chimney post
On a winter’s day enjoying a roast;
By his side is a maiden—young and fair
A girl with a wealth of golden hair;
And she teazes the father stern and cold,
With a question of duty trite audold;
“Say, father, what shall a maiden do
When a man of merit comes to woo ?
And, father, what of this pain in my breast?
Married or single—which is the best ?
Then the sire of the maiden young and fair—
The girl with ihe wealth of golden hair,
He answers, as ever do fathers cold,
To the question of duty, trite and old;
“She who weddeth keeps God’s letter;
She who weds not doeth better.”
Then meekly answered the maiden fair—
Tlie girl with the wealth of golden hair—
“l will keep the sense of the Holy Letter,
Content to do well without doing belter.
Fors not usually so called. —Sidney Smith once
said:
“There is a class of fops not usually designated by that epi
thet—men clothed in profound black, with large canes, and
strange, amphorous hats—of big speech and imperative pre
sence —talkers about Plato —and great effectors of sensibility
—despisers of women, and all the graces of life—fierce foes
to common sense —abusive of the living, and approving no
ono who has not been dead for at least a century. Such fops
as vain and shallow as their fraternity in Bond street, differ
from those only as Gorgonius differed from Hutillus.”
Facts. —He who has a high forehead, will have his eyes
under it, and will live all the days of his life.
110 who has a long nose, will have the more to blow and
an easy one to pull.
lie that is bald will have no hair—but if he happens to
have any, it will not be on the bald place.
Women who have curious eyebrows will in all likelihood
have eyelashes under them, and be beloved, if any one Likes
sufficient liking to them.
Just Like ’em. —The ladies have taken to shirt collars and
short jackets. The next jump, the Albany Knickerbocker ex
pects, will be pants forty inches round the bottom, with high
heeled hoots and a mustache. How the tailor would blush
when a sweet little creature, with a pair of piercing eyes, a
killing pair of moustaches, a syren voice, should enter and
exclaim, “Sir, take mv measure—pants —fashionable—
tight fit, you know.’’ Who would not be a tailor then ?
A Tonawonda poet thus warns the public against harbor
ing or trusting his better half:
q Eunice, my wife, has grown quite lewd,
* And left me in a lonesome mood ;
She’s gone, in spite of friends and church,
And went to live with Timothy March.
She left my board and took my bed,
She carried off my meat and bread.
Know ye, therefore, who read this paper,
That since she’s cut this reckless caper,
I will not pay a single fraction,
For any debts of her contraction.
The Toilet ok Elegance. —For preserving the Com
plexion.—Temperance.
For Whitening the Hands. —Honesty.
For Sweetening the Breath. —Truth.
To Remove Stains. —Repentance.
For Improving the Sight. —Observation.
A Beautiful Ring. —Tlie Family Circle.
For Improving the Voice. —Civility.
The best Companion to the Toilet. —A Wife.
To Keep away Moths. —Good Society.
Couaii Drops. —Elihu Burritt says that the best cough
drops for young ladies are obtained by dropping tlie prac- |
tice of dressing thin when they go out in the night air.
“1 ean’t doit,” never did anything. “I'll try,” has worked
wonders, and “I will do it,” has performed miracles.
The man who follows a good example must of conrse be
behind it.
Those who arc honest, as the best policy, are half way to
being rogues.
Why are railroad cars in no danger from lightning? Be
cause every train has a conductor.
A friend travelling in Florida, says of the musquitocs :
Let a man go to sleep with his head in a cast iron kettle,
and their bills will make a watering pot of it before morn
ing.
We met a few days since two individuals who are cousins,
having tlie same name, whose fathers were brothers, whose
mothers were sisters, and whoso wives were sisters. YY e
challenge the whole world for a similar coincidence.—Ban
gor Mercury.
YVorking miracles worsted—such as brown rivers with
oranged colored shores, or yellow Daniels, sleeping among
green lions with sapphire-colored tails, is one of the mod
ern accomplishments of young ladies. So says the Albany
Dutchman.
lmnly nf tho h>p-^
upon our coast, was asked by a good lady how he felt
when the waves broke over him. He replied, “Wet, Mad-
tcct .”
A man attempted to spell crockery, and proceeded thus—
Kraughkcarreighc—
but exspired in a spasm before lie could make a y. with which
he intended to end the word.
Difference between Real and Nominal Y’alue.—
“YVife 1” said a broker a few days since, “do you ever think
I shall be worth fifty thousand dollars ?”
“Ain’t I worth that to you ?” said the confiding spouse.
“ Y-e-s !” hesitatingly replied tho other half, “but I can't
put you out at interest.”
Poor Fellow ! It is affirmed that Jenny Lind stumbled
against a loose brick in tho square of llavanna. An excited
hidalgo immediately picked up the consecrated article, and
carried it in his cap ever since.
A Naval Aid.—A person, on whom the temperance re
formation had produced no effect, entered in a state of ex
hilaration, a temperance grocery in a neighboring town,
“Mr. exclaimed he, “do you —keep a-ny—thing
—good to take here ?’’
“Yes,” replied the merchant, “we have some excellent
cold water; the best thing in the world to take.”
“Well, I know it,” replied tho Bacchante, “there's—no
thing —that’s done so much for navigation as that.”
A “distrakted miner” writes from California the following
passionate appeal:
“Send out orl the Quaternoon weemcn you kan, as there
are thousands of wealthy Saekraymentoreans dying to get
married, and to enjoy the Nupshall Tie in oil its withern in
fluents!”
The Schoolmaster Abroad.— The following correspond
ence is exceedingly rich. YVj give the unique production
verbatim et literatim. —Bath Tribune.
Bath, Me., Jan. 26,1851.
Mr.— , Please call and settle your bill as soon a
possible, aud oblige, Y ours,
Answer:
Bath 2S 1851.
Mr Ser if you Git that Bill now Befcfre i dow I
Want you to tell nice on Et l Dont YY'ant you Send Mee
Letters thru the poastofest When you Sec nice every day.
■. ‘ ‘■■ra
PATTEN & COLLINS,
Ware-Home & Commission ifferelmiits,
MACON, GEORGIA.
J— —— WILT, continue business at their ir—
WAREHOUSE, opposite Messrs.
Ross N. Cos. Cotton .lemur. Grate- [k^|gjrjl|
fill for tlie patronage extended to \\ jlAitmeJLL’
tlieiii the past season, they renew the tender of their
services to their former patrons and the public, with the assurance
that, as they have no interest, either tlirrct nr indirect , in the purchase
of Cotton, their entire attention will be devoted to the inter
ests entrusted to them.
£-g?*<trders for 11 agoing, Rope and other Merchandise, willbe
filled carefully and promptly, and the customary advances made on
Produce in Store.
May 24, 1850. 9—ly
mar rais ?
r |'MlE SUBSCRIBER has just received an extensive asssortment of
L the above article,runbracing a great variety of price and patterns
more particularly the cheaper kinds, which will he found the prettiest
and least expensive finish, especially for parlours; Borderings to match
each style of course. Persons in pursuit of the article will do well
to call as prices are extremely low and no charge for loosing.
JOSEPH M. BCARDMAN.
March 21, 1850. —1
NEW OMNIBUS.
pressly for the Floyd and Lanier Hot ses.
is now running to and from each Railroad
Depot. Calls for priratc passengers made
punctually, on notification being made at either House,or ourstable.
MASON & DIBBLE.
June IRIBSO. 12—ts
SMITH & OLIVER,
DEALERS IN STA°LE DRY-GOODS & GROCERIES
Os all kinds, would r j tpectftilly solicit planters and
families to give them a call before purchasing elsewhere,
as they will always keep No. 1 articles.
Hoc} !29-(>iij
Premium Cotton Gins.
ET. TAIXOU Ai Cos., Proprietors, of the Col
* umbus Cotton Gin Manufactory, have the satis
faction to announce to their patrons and the Planters,
generally, of the Cotton growing region, that they are
prepared to supply any number of their celebrated Pre
mium Gins. _
Where these Gins have been once used, it would be
deemed unnecessary lor the Manufacturers to say a word
in their favor, as they feel confident the machines have
been brought to sucli perfection, that their superior per
formance will recommend them, in preference to other
Gins now in use. For the satisfaction of those who
have used the Gins, and are acquainted with their rep
utation, the Proprietors need only say, that tbe First
Premiums have been awarded to them, for the BEST
I GIN exhibited at the Great State Fair heid at Atlanta,
Ga. ; also, at the Alabama and Georgia Agricultural
and Mechanic’s Fair, held at Columbus ; and at the an
nual Fair of the South Carolina Institute, at Charleston.
The Cotton ginned on these Gins received the first Pre
miums at the exhibition held at Charleston, S. C. and at
every Fair where samples of cotton frem them have
been exhibited.
The Proprietors have in their possession numerous
certificates from Planters, Colton Brokers, Commission
Merchants and Manufacturer# of cotton goods, testifying
that the performance of the Gins, and the samples pro
duced by them, cannot be excelled by any ever manufac
tured.
All orders for Gins given either to our traveling or
local Agents, or forwarded to the Proprietors hv mail,
will always receive prompt attention. Gins will be sent
to any part of the country, and warranted to give satis
faction.
N. B. A liberal discount will in all cases be allowed
where the C,vsii is paid, and the Gin taken at the Manu
factory. Dec. 14. 38—ly
FIELD & ADAMS, ~
FIRE-PROOF WAREHOUSE,
M ACON, G IflP.i JIA.
TIIE undersigned will continue the Warehouse and Com
mission Bnsiness, at the commodious and well known
FIRE-PROOF BITLDING, formerly occupied by Dyson
Sc Field. The strictest personal attention of both the part
ners will, as heretofore, be given to all business entrusted to
their care. They respectfully solicit a continuance of the
patronage of their old friends and the public generally.
They are prepared to make the usual Cash Advances on
all Cotton or other rnooccE stored with them at the custo
mary rates.
All orders for Groceries, Bagging and Rope, w ill be filled
at the lowest market prices.
Macon, Sept. 6, 1850. j Vd'aMS** 0 ’
24—Gin
MUIWYS
ECCENTRIC PROGRESSIVE
POWER PRESS.
TIIE advantages of this new POWER PRESS audits superiority
overall others, are as follows:
Thepow\r applied is multiplied 440 times,liy the Lever and Eeeen
tric pully, that is, one hundred pounds power applied to the Lever
will exert a force 24,000 pounds on the Cotton. The whole top of
the bale box is o|>en to receive the Cotton, and it may be put as near
the Gin House as is desired. It is three times as powerful as a screw
of 18 inches diameter, thathas a nine inch pitch of thread with the
same length of Lever, and of course the horse lias to walk hut one
third as far, for the reason that a lever is required but one-third aslng
to do the same work. And further.the Press follower descends with
much greater rapidity at the commencement of the ojieration, when
but little power is required, which shortens tlie distance travelled by
jjit: horse, in proportion to the increased velocity of the
start _ . 9 j
/This Press can he made very'compact, and
using the wheel and axle, and can lie so modified as to answer any
purpose where a Press is necessary for manufacturing *r domestic
purposes. For Cotton it requires one-fourth less work to build, and
three-fourths less workto raise, than the screws, and if a card iron Ec
centric wheel is used, it will not be much orer half the work to build
as a screw. For Pressing Cotton, Tobacco, Hemp, Hay. &c. it cannot
be excelled. There is one-third less timber in this Press than in the
crew, and it is certainly the cheapest ever built.
The whole cost oftlie Irons will not exceed @45, which may be had
oft.'. If. Levy, of Macon, who is the only person authosized to furnish
hem. This sum isexclusive of freight and the cost of right to use
the Press. If the Eccentric wheel is made of Iron, the cost will lie
10 or@lo more for the Iron work,but it will materially lessen the
cost of labor on the wood work of the wheel, and will be the cheap
est in the end. Any good Mechanic can construct the Press from the
drawings and specifications which will accompany each right.
1 shall sell a single right at § HI, which sum can be sent by mail at
my risk, provided the fact of sending is-certified to by the Postmaster
of the place where the letter is mailed. Each right will be accompa
nied by an engraving and a full description, so that any mechanic will
be able to build the Press. Any communications, iost-paid, will be
punctually attended to. A. lb BROWN.
Clinton, Jones County, April 2d, 1850.
—Certificate. —
This will certify that we witnessed, at the plantation of Mr. Wil
liain Johnson, in this county, the performance of a Cotton Press re
cently invented and patented by Mr. A.D. Brown, of this place, and
can, with confidence,recommend it to the public. Its great power,
convenience and simplicity of structure, renders it, in our estimation,
eth best that we have seen. It packs downward, which we deem ve
ry essential; can be placed as near the lint room as desired, andean be
easily covered in and made very durable.
Samvel Griswold, I Tiiomas Hcirr,
Horatio Bowen, | Jona. Parrish.
April 2d, 1850. 6—ts
CERTIFICATE FROM MR. WILLIAM JOHNSON,
This will certify. That I built and used one of Mr. A. P. Brown's
Eccentric Progressive Power Presses last year, and am fully satisfied
that it is the best that I have seen. I found no difficulty in building
flora the directions furnished by Mr. Brown, and found it much less
work than to build the Scraw.
My brother Abram Johnson used the press for his crop, and was so
well pleased with it that he intends building one at his own place for
his next crop. WILLIAM JOHNSON.
Jones County , June *2. 1850.
jfrfpil m,
Hi SUBSCRIBER as constantly on t
-A- hand a large and well selected assort
ment of
Law, Medical, Soliool &
J miscellaneous BOOHS.
BLANK BOOKS of all kinds; Stationary in any quantities, for the
common purposes and pursuits of the times,as well as for Legal,and
Love “doings.” GOLD PENS in profusion from one to a dozen dol
lars, selected to suit any hand, and “match any pile.” BONNER'S
MAPS, Large and Sinai!; Traveller's Guides through (he States, amt e
von to the Land of Ophier, (vide Major Noahs'last crotchet.) luring'*
latest GLOBES, with all the well authenticated routes laid down, ex
cept that taken by the ships of Tarshish; together with other objects
of Polite Literature, Legal Learning, and Refined Luxury, too numer
ous to mention ; alll of which he is extremely anxious his customers
should become possessed of, in the “usual wav.”
JOSEPH M. BOARDMAN.
March ,21,18 e. . I—tj
DISSOLUTION . —The copartnership heretofore existing be
tween the undersigned, is dissolve?! by mutual consent—to take
effect on the Ist day of September next. Macon, August 20. 1850.
Z. T. CONNER.
nug 23 23—ts A. W. M ARTIN.
rpilK WAKE-VIOUSC: and Commission business !
A will lie continued in the name and style of CONNER & TAYIOR
at the old Stand—where they will be ready to exert themselves to
serve all patrons and friends.
Z, T. CONNER.
nug, 23 22—ts IV.. W TAYLOR
N. OUSLEY & SON,
Ware-House and Commission Merchants.
WILL continue Busines at their ~ 3^
fm “FireJProof Buildings,”
COTTON AVENUE, Mac on, Ga.
Thankful for past favors, the bee leave to say they will be con
stantly at their post, and that no efforts shall be spared to advance
the interest of their patrons.
They respectfully ask all who have Cotton or other produce to
Store, to call and examine the safety of their buildings, before placing
it elswhere.
Ci stomary Advances on Cotton in Store or Shii>ped, and all busi
ness transacted at the usual rates.
Aptil 25th, 1850 s—ts
BALTIMORE HOLLOW-WARE.
a) TONS Assorted Purs, Ov ens, Feiders, Skillets, in store, and
w fur sale by BR\Y, CARUART & CO.
sep 11. go—ts
Dr. de GRAF F ENREID’S
CELEBRATED
RHEUMATIC LINIMENT,
IN introducing this medicine to the people of the United St-,,
sale, the proprietors !>eg leave to submit the following 0,.,
of Dr. deGraffi-nried. itsdiscoverer and inventor:
Hie undersigned frankly states that he lias prescribed tlu*
for the last twenty-two years, in all forms of Acute and Cbrnt.i,- J, **
mat ism. with a success uiqiaralkded in the annals of of atedirm .
he has no hesitation in saying, that it is decidedly the nnst , i "" 1
remedy ever yet discovered for the relief of this most painful aitdNt**
tressing malady. w
His note-book contains upwards of three hundred cams, in r > ■
has lieen used within the above named period, and in nr, • 11
instance has it come to his knowledge, of its having failed to ,•
euro when persevered in. Many of the cases were from iv>n r *
years standing: and what may appear yet more remarkable an.l ° “
ordinary, is, that when the patient has been once relieved, tbed ,U,i
is permanently cured , remains so, not a solitary instance ha\ Ir . ,
reported to him of its return. ° n
AU he would ask for this remedy is a fair, impartial and
trial, forahe results he entertains no apprehension.
Up to the time of this discovery, the undersigned had well stud,
the origin, progress and character of this disease, and is well a s?Ur ” 1
had consulted ev v ry author on its treatment, who bad written 'or
translated into the English language, atidkad used all the rv**dj es 7’
any notoriety then in vogue with the with however
rarely any relief to poor sutTering humanity.
It has battled the skill and scrence of the most eminent Piiyju.,
and burgeons of our own, and of every other country. But the **
dersigned flatters himself that his remedy will cure this la f",
disease, when all others have failed, and that he shall have bctji **
humble instrument in the hands of God, of relieving the human fan h
of a vast amount of suffering.
E. L. de CBAFFENM®, M. h.
CERTIFICATES.
FROM COL. A. KY. A
Dr. E. L. de Groffenritd —Learning that you are almi
to manufacture lor the public, your valuable Rheumatic Dl
iment, I take pleasure in stating that 1 believe it one rs tbw
most valuable remedies ever used forthat common and
distressing disease, having witnessed its efl'ects upon a
gro man of mine, who had been afflicted for four years, Blv
til almost every joint was enlarged, and the body other* ;*
emaciated. By the use of four or five bottles, in three weeks
he was relieved entirely from pain.
Columbus, Ga., Oct.*24, 1843. A. K. AYER.
Columbus, October 3l), 1843.
Dear Sir—About the first of April last, I came to Coluki
bus to get medical assistance, and was advised to call on you
as having a remedy that would afford me speedy relict, j
was taken down in January last, with a violent attack of
Rheumatism in nearly all my joints, so badly, that I could
not pull off my shoes without aid ; nor could 1 ascend or de.
scend steps, or pull off my clothe# without assistance. My
right arm and hand were nearly useless; the fingers con.
traded and swollen ; the right knee swollen and stiff. n t( |,
so that I c-ouid not bend it but very little. Up to the lt„f
April, 1 was all the time in suffering and pain ; I robbed
with your Rheumatic Liniment my limbs three times, smj
was the next morning enabled to descend a long flight of
steps, without aid of crutch or stick, and back to my room—l
could also bend my knee and bring it up to the chair, which
the previous day, 1 could not have done if my life had de
pended on it. I could also use, open and bend my fingers,
which was an impossibility the day before. 1 rose in th e
morning from my bed entirely relieved of pain. I used one
bottle and an eight ounce vial of your Rheumatic Liniment,
and in ten days, I was relieved. 1 would not have been in
the condition which 1 had been ten days before I called on
you, for any amount of money that could be given me; for
what is life worth when in constant pain and misery! [
consider your Rheumatic Liniment, the most valuable mcj.
icine in the world. I am, dear sir, your friend,
J. il. SMITH.
Columbus, Nov. L 1843.
Dear Sir—My negro woman Patience, a cook, had a stiff
neck from a painful Rheumatic affection, for six or seven
years, and could not turn her neck except with the body. I
was induced to purchase a bottle of your Liniment, whirh
was applied in August er September of 1848. One bottle
entirely relieved her and she now has the use of her neck as
well as ever she had ; and up to this time it has not return
ed. GARLAND B. TERRY.
Philadelphia, Feb. I, 185(1.
Dr. de Graffeuried—Dear Sir: Having been afflicted, for
sometime past, with a severe attack of Rheumatism, and
having heard of the wonderful effects of your Rheumatic
Liniment, 1 was induced to try a bottle of it, and after three
days, I was so much relieved as to be able to leave the hmn*e
and attend to business. 1 have perfectly recovered from die
disease, and would cheerfully recommend the Liniment tu
all those who are afflicted.
GEORGE HOOD, 27 Powell st.
* Columbus, Ga., Oct. 13, 1849.
Dr. E. L. de Graffeuried—Dear Sir: Agreeable to
request, I give my testimonial as to the virtue of your Lini
ment in the cure of Rheumatism. Being attacked in one
joint of my finger, last winter, wilh acute Rheumatism, and
having used many of the unnumbered prescriptions for its
cure, with but little benefit, I made application of two bottle*
wlich’J relieved me a
time. I can o ail persons af-
Heeled in like manner.
Very respectfully, F. S. CHAPMAN-
I can testify to the efficacy of Dr. de Graffenried'a Rheu
matic Liniment in the case of Mr. F.S. Chapman, ai it came
under rav immediate observation.
Oct. 13, 1849. R. A. WARE, M. D.
Dear Sir—Some time in January last, Mrs. McKee wa*
taken very ill with Inflammatory Rheumatism in her shoul
der joints, extending to her elbow joint, and arm, w hich dis
abled her from using her arm almost entirely ; and from the
pain, want of sleep, and great restlessness, for not less than
six weeks, I was induced by my friend, Mr. Luke Reed, to
call ou you for a bottle of your Liniment, aud by using half
the bottle, she was entirely relieved, and the relief was man
ifest or sensible after three or four rubbings. lam of opinion,
it is one of the most valuable remedies that has ever beendis
| covered for Rheumatism : that, is, from my own knowledge,,
aud that which I have heard from others.
Dr. E. L. de Graffeuried. 11. C. McKEE.
Columbus, Oct. 19th. 1849.
Dr.de Graffeuried—Dear Sir: I lake pleasure in saying, I
i have a boy who was so badly afflicted with RheainatiKi,
that he could not raise his hand to his head, and had nearly
lest the use of his arm. I used the fourth of a bottle of your
Rheumatic Liniment, w hich relieved him *sntire!y. I con
sider it a most valuable remedy lor the cure of Rheumatism
RANDOLPH L. MOTT.
Jones* Hotel. Puiukubu. March 3d. )rSO.
C01..1. R. II a fan —Bir. it affords me great ure to be able W
bear testimony to tbe efficacy and virtues of Dr. de Grafenntii
Rheumatic I.inimeut.
I have been sorely afflicted for the last six years w ith what I belit-r
ed to be. and what eminent Physicians of this city pronounced, Rhea
mafic gout, for several winters past 1 have been confined to my tons
and bed nearly all the tinm. In January last. 1 had an attack as violent
if not more so than usual, which prostrated me for about three weeks:
on your recommendation I commenced the use of this Limine at.
(With I must confess but little faith.) Its efl'ects were astonishin*
and decidedly beneficial from its first application. Inn few days my
back, wrists ami ankles were entirely relieved land so continue) nf ill
the soreness and pains, and the swellings reduced, with the use at
less than one Itottle. I have been iu the discharge of my ordiwaiy
business ever si nee.
I consider it an extraordinary, and decidedly the most efficacs'#*
remedy forthisdisease, which i have ever met with. And most cheer
fully recommend itsuseto all w ho may be afflicted with it.
Respectfully Yours, N. W. BRIDGES.
Jones’ Hotel.
Baltimore, March 30, 1950.
Dr. de Graffeuried —Dear Sir, for the last twelve years, 1 have sut
feree very severely w ith the Rheumatism, having been nearly <*i*e
fourth of the time confined to my lied by it. I have had the ties* med
ical aid to be found in various cities in the United States, w ith little <*
no benefit. I have also tried innumerable strongly recommended
remedies, which have failed to effect a cure. I s|ent the las: stunne r
at the White Sulphur and Hot Springs in Virginia, to little purpose
After my return home, I so far recovered, as to be able to walk about a
little. About six weeks since, I had a severe attack which again con
fined me to my Bed, 1 was in great pain and scarcely able to move “I
limbs, when a friend of mine called and informed me that you liofd dis
coveredtiuinfallibleremedy, ani bad cured many,and amongst.4m t%
one ofmy friends, and showed me'aletter from him stating tin: fact.
I was induced to try your Rheumatic Liniment, and take pleasure (•
informing you that in les- than twenty-four hours from Hie first appli
cation I was perfectly free from pain, and continue so up to this time.
I am now able to attend to business, and fondly hope all (hose afflict
ed, as l have been, may be as speedily relieved, as I have been with
your medicine. Wishing you all the blessings you deserve dear sir.
Your grateful and obedient Servant,
GEO. WARBSWORTH.
CbLrxiVi, Ga., r >ct. 20. 1 H49.
Dr. dc Orafenricd — Dear Sir. I take pleasure in giving you the
particulars of my affliction hy, and relief from Rheumatism. Ihirmg
the spring of 1844 I was afflicted with a very severe attack of Inflam
matory Rheumatism. I employed all the most celebrated run edit*
then known and used in similar cases, aided by medical advice, until
September, 1845, with no satisfactory result whatever. I was then
induced, by a rheumatic acquaintance, to try your Liniment, as some
thing new, and which had cured him; and in one month from tb
time I commenced the application,! was well, and clearof the Rheu
matism as I ever wav, and have continued so to this time.
Yours, Truly, L. C. MORTON.
For sale at Payne Sc Nisbett's Drug Store, Macon, and by Agent*
tin all the principal cities and towns in the United States. Price **
per bottle—none genuine without the signature of the discoverer 0*
the side label of the bottle, and across the cork.
de .GRAFFENREIDfc Cos., Proprietors.
Columbus, June 14, 1850. 12—If-
THE GEORGIA MARBLE
Manufacturing Company
THE interest ofG. Rubens in the above company has passes > n,f>
the I lands of John G. Rankin and the company of Simons, B“ _
lick & Vaughn into the hands of Wm. Ilurlick—who has asrociai
himself with Atkinson Ji Rankin oftbe Georgia Marlde Manufacturer
Cos. The business will hereafter be carried on by Atkinson, R nn ‘
Si Hurlick. All debts due the concern and liabilities against the s *
since the first of June will be settled by them. ,
YVe are prepared to do an extensive business; our marble is **
ent—and we are determined to offer work at prices which wi' l ***£
Northern marble from the state. Examine our marble and pr |Ce --
Out work .sail done at the mills. Address.
ATKItHiy, RANKIN S: HURLlCH
flarnageville, Cherokee Co.Geo.