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GEORGIA CITIZEN
~j ry rrtdy morning WJOp annum la
Jw* ttt refuteeluu* wUlbnOw Dollar
‘*%**£££* -o'* or 5. torth. Nlw
asp-Scftu w
f* -•• tmUnm. will U hfd R Ux
*gT foroEtotto Dnpnid for at
With Coantf oSteen, Drajort t,
who m*y wteh to make
‘■w . \r.-roem. br Executotm. Admlnlrtrv
** Jfii reared*? law to be advertiied in a
the dar f mle.
mu on the 4nt Tueeday in the month,
v* ten in the forenoon and three In the af
t-hou*'a e°“*T ta wUcll to* V™*
r i property mu*t be advertiaed in like
£*’s3£m and <'re4l tore of an Xante mtut be
■ -- wui be made to the Ordinary tor
*4*.‘?£3JSfMroaa muJ * b< P nt,luh * d *'■•“7 tor
i ~ rXL *, ratters of Admlnlrtratlon, thirty day*; for
I'M*!;- Aiihdrtratlon, monthly, ax month* ; tor
-yr 21” ij _ ll dTiii “T weekly, forty day*.
2*te” If Miledni of Mortgagee, monthly, four
M” papers, for the full space of three
•* • IvCT •* from executor*or administrator*
‘ aJtSS*^* o ** ***• iecumA ' th * *** of
*•? U.-.. 1 * n d Bust newt t ards will be Inserted un
eJOfUS.V the following rates, vis:
j’fvelicea per annum. • # 00
* 4eren linen, .2 22
r , W
.r- mito(thiitla *lll lx 1 admitted, unless paid
tXtnaceMf” a tee term than twelve months. Ad
tr : OTt , t*s Una win be charged pm rata. Ad
jKS W#** klvsaco will be charged at the
HS3nirisnErcAi
LASIEB 4 ANDERSON,
httorneys at law,
AIAOOIA,
ywy’Tlf’l in the counties of the Macon Circuit, and is
r, ,• .ante of Sumter. Monroe and Jones; also in the
jfci CoutiS Sayaanah.
fixrtß * ANDERSON have also recently become the
i, !• Mm Mowing Insurance Companies :
n.r AtJfICSTA INSURANCE AND BANKING COM
•ijTrfrtictW. M. D-Antbrnac is President, and C. F.
FIRE AND MARINE INBFR
IAIijOKFANY. Montgomery, ot which T. H. Watte is
%Ktisi A. Wiliams is Secretary.
V -wca riser on slaves taken at usual rates.
I?! h—tl
E H. A. METTAUER,
DiTUS iprct a portion of three succceeive year* In
ibifity, daring which time he has limited hie
rv!.-tnt exclusively to Surgery, now respectfully
to ::i lerrices to the citisens of Macon and eurroand
jaatry, is all the branches of his profeeeion. Office
faiMtc last Oorser cf 84 and Cherry streets, over
t steer Ayres’ new Grocery Store. “
‘ o. bTrice,
an and REPAIRER
HPIA.VO PQXiTIBB,
I.’ -inently located in Macon. may
MlsleMrs. Virgin’s and at B. J Johnston A Cos.
Jd-tf I
IOWH’S|| HO TE E,
•ppgitff the Haheeoger
E. E. BROWN, Proprietor,
ready on the arriva’ of every Train.
tpdMf
I,! I WHITTLE,
ITTOR NE Y AT LAW,
MACON, GA.
HdMftte Concert HaU.oysr Payne’s Drag Store.
alt-ly
J. R. DAVIS,
at Broker. Collector & General Ag’t.
tatestnaded to in any connty in this State,
ifo terser Jsduca and Sills fitgeet, Augusta, Ga.
■r.-ts
LOCHRANE & LAMAR^
Attorneys at, Law,
MACON, OA..
‘lce by the Mechanic’s Bank.
Vr IHOCBB from 8 to U A. M.. 5 toB P. M. and also
JjnTteßP. II
’ *--• a ill the Counties of the Macon Circuit sndln
’ ’xzuut Joces, Moaroe and Columbia, and In the So-
It*
Ah LOCHRANE. JOHN LAMAR.
SPEER a HUNTER,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Macon, O-a.,
■ n Tntiuni*r Block, Corner of Cherry
ud Cotton A venae.
“■-•of tie Macon and adjoining Circuita, and
state by special contract—also, will attend
■nta.Ußti itaavannah and Marietta.
• ~ ALEX M. SPEER,
SAMUEL HUNTER.
THE LIVER
STIGOKATOR!
‘•RIPARID BT DR. SANPORD,
LbPOUNDED ENTIRELY FROM GUMS,
->'rst PnipCve Liver Medicines now before
r>4^^.r* s ** a Cathartic, easier, milder, and
f, i*T ot her medicine known. It is not on
-1 Uver remedy, acting first on the Liver
r,. . “JSer. then on the Stomach and bowels to
. r : ‘ rVter.mas accomplishing two pnrpoaea effee
ht : “ T .?f I alaftu feelings experienced in the
>c -,; *^ lt hari;ci. It grengthens the system at
t i J i jryes it; and when taken dally In mod
tj - strengthen atd build it up with unusual rp
bu.*''H'-'tstil • Duncipal regulators of the
‘ * Lc “ U M performs Us functions well,
■ i- m fully developed. Thestom
. -.evdepen. dent on the healthy action
•. v- :/da®tasafsaasß
St-SSMf 1 ssßs? tsars
* *ae 1 ‘■ more than twenty years, to
m is at lats found, any person
Et-s .-viU T ,s3 COMPLAINT, In any sfi ttt
. - • ..r 1 ’ Ue. and conviction U certain.
( mopildor bad matter from
‘■ - i v H •.',"? , w their place a healthy fiow of
E“a rlrVCrrK W 1 w cur *h AND - WHAT IS
bTtL * OCOMI ““ of tte
‘-j _ suSclentto relieve the etom
” sasfgsiT.
* t.ight, loosens the boweU
after Bach i m meal will cum DTSPEP-
Ob^ s ,®Ur)ACHI l ‘P°° nfa l* Will always ie>
!.'* .'ijitllf* to H male obstructions removes
IV -: W ; makes & perfect cure.
: „ - ly relieves CHOUC. while
.* tErs ® r a nin cure tor C'HOlr
ventative of CHOLERA.
Be ‘ -i*eUcfwJ? needed to throw out of the
K,- r# S*? 1 c cine after a long sickness.
? • : _ JAUNDICE removes all
st-** Ur L iTj**’ S or from the skin.
<v’ • >r.t. “. , m time before eating gives rig
•- - i| food digest well.
it*, re fr”**** 4 ■ :cnres HRONIC DLAP.
j./- hpai-ta,™*! whil SUMMER and
si?t*o s—- M vmest to the first dose.
V . wr t attacks caused bv WORMS
h car
m cures’ iDROPSY, by exciting the
try* ’ commending this medidne
’f arewllilngto
jj **lng their unanimous eetl
,“^J? ll uw r bMh lhe with the Inatgora-
TUX’ - - *° U| tocether.
‘v-vr* Ll m INVIGORATOR
• f:V trZ T * rew 10 believe. It cures as if by
kX I *-! It 7 1 tune berultL and seldom more
< c ~- -a cur* any kid of LIVER Com
” A;ci^y auß d>c or X)u4xxnoia to a common
result of a DISEASED UV
* °** DOLLAR PER BOTTLE,
w SaNPqrd A 00, I roprtetor*.
•vy, __ MS Broadway, New Tovk.
A.genta:
h•“ ‘A ‘bv4h,v Y 'i?J T - W Dyo A Sons, Pblladel
tffsgggs&sizsssisssii
Earth’s Angels.
home not spirits from the realms of clorv
To visit earth m la davs of oli
tl °* WT,t ancient glory
Is heaven mors distant ? or earth grown cold ?
tanners of a host goneby.
~ * nif*.?* N**?" 5 °f some white pinion speeding
Along the confines of the glowing sky;-
A w“*'7 t '*? midnight stars. In distant chillneas,
T h®"** ll *. listened late and long ;
But Nature s pules beet on in solemn stlllneea
Bearing no echo of the seraph's song.
T If was their last anthem given,
Wbeo othw Ran before the One grew dim ?
W nJ ‘St* I 2?* nc * toown In Peter's prtsoa ?
Or where exulting msrtyre raised their hymt ?
AM are they all within the veil departed ?
There gleams no wing along the empyrean now;
And many a Uar from human eyes has started.
Since angel touch has claimed a mortal brow.
“mtnasssfia&wsflr ™
”nessW^^aissr’
1 *°r u b I toe sick one’s pillow;
‘ * WM a-^fltoneaad soundless tread •
Where mitten hearts were drooping like the willow.
They stood “between the living and the dead.”
And if my steht, by earthly dimness hindered.
Behold an hov ring cherubim In air
I doubt not—tor spirits know their kindred—
They smiled upon the wingless watchers there.
A Dally Blesglug.
‘ Why, Jane, 1 believe you would
rather miss your breakfast than go with
out reading the newspaper! For my
part, I do not see what makes you love
it so much.’ •
‘ \ es, Cousin Sarah,’ answered Jane,
1 that is emphatically the truth. I do
love the newspaper—and I would rather
do without my breakfast than omit the
pleasure of reading it as early as I pos
sibly can,’ she continued. ‘lf I could
have my choioe, i would rather starve
physically than mentally, and I would
think I was very hungry in mind if 1
should be compelled to live three days in
the week without reading my own daily
morning newspaper.’
‘ You are a singular woman, Jane.—
What can you see in a piece of printed
paper to interest you so much day after
day, all the week V
‘ O, Cousin Sarah, I see a great deal
to make me loye it, and to keep from ev
er being wearied by it; but over and
above all that, I owe it a great deal of
gratitude, because it once saved me from
being a California widow.’
‘lt did, did it? Well, I declare, that
is quite interesting. But I should fancy
that if you husband is bound to you on
ly by the fragile ties of printed paper,
his matrimonial enthralment cannot be
very strong or durable.’
* Any kind of binding material,’ said
Jane, ( would, I think, be better than
chains of iron; but you do not want to hear
the story of my escape from widowhood?
As the circumstances connected N'itb all
happened while you were absent from
America, perhaps to hear them talked
over, will Interest and amuse you.’
* Yes,’ answered Sarah, * I would like
to hear it, if you can leave your paper
long enough to pay me that much atten
tion.’
Jane did not condescend to notice her
cousin’s hint on good manners, but com
menced at once her story of how she
missed being made a pro tem. widow ;
the worthy habit of daily reading the
newspaper made her kind, courteous, and
forbearing.
‘ When we were first married, we
were not as well off as we are now, for
my husband was a clerk, and had only
his salary to depend upon ; yet by be
ing economical and prudent, and not con
sulting the tastes and opinions of other
people, we lived within our income, and
made out to save a few dollars every
year.
‘ When those saved dollars amounted
to about seven hundred, James brought
with them a vacant building lot ip ope
of the suburbs of the city, where he in
tended, some day, should he ever be able,
to build him a permanent home.
4 A few months after he had made this
laudable purchase, the firm in whose es
tablishment he was employed unexpected
ly failed, and he was suddenly thrown out
of his situation.
‘ At first this 4id not worry either of
us much, as we both hoped that before
long he would obtain some other occu
pation. But, to our dismay, we found
that all his efforts to procure another
situation, were utterly fruitless.
‘ He was almost daily told that the
heads of one and another large business
firms were dismissing their clerks, and
many of them were filling their places
by their owu sons, who were kept from
school or college for that purpose, or
they were taking on themselves double
duty by acting as their own clerks.
‘ Retrenchment was the order of the
day ; and want of employment, by many
able and industrious men, was the natu
ral consequence.
‘ Week after week passed away, then
month after month succeeded, and my
busbaud was still forced to eat the un
fruitful bread of idleness.
‘ The little money we had on hand
was soon exhausted. Then we were
obliged to part with our best furniture,
and move into a smaller house. Then,
in a few months, we were reduced to the
I necessity of moving into two rooms,
l with only such things were reqn red to
HOEACO3V, GA. SEPTEMBER 17* 1858.
et we never parted with our daily
rooming paper; we clung to it with the
firmness of a dying grasp.
‘ I have often said, let us live on dry
bread, before we give up our daily pa
per ; and it has frequently occurred, that
when the carrier has called for his money
we have not had enough to pay him and
also to procure our week’s supply of
butter, and still we have paid him and
gone without the butter.
‘ W ell, this state of affairs could not
last long. It is said that 1 Necessity is
the mother of invention ;’ and I have of
ten thought that the spur of poverty is
the keenest sharpener of the inventive
faculties; yet, although we lived severe
ly pressed by necessity, and sharply
driven by the spur of poverty, we found
that our inventions were as hollow as
our pockets, and that to obtain an honest
living in our native city seemed an im
possibility.
’ To come to this unwelcome conclusion
was very heart-rending, for we both lov
ed our birth place very dearly, and it
was to us agonizing to think of leaving
it. But—money, money—we were in
want of money, and our many efforts to
procure it were all useless. Starvation
was staring us in the face, and the aspect
was very hideous to our eyes—yet, hid
eous as it was, I can truly say, that to
ask for help was still more horrible.
1 Oh, the agony to which humanity
must submit, before it is driven to beg
ging, cannot be conceived by any one
who has not experienced the utter hope*
lessness of its soul harrowing pangs !
‘James at last resolved to sell his lot
—leave one half of the money he should
obtain for it with me, for the temporary
support of our infanta, and take the oth
er half and go to the mines of California
and dig for the living which he despaired
of ever obtaining at home.
‘ The lot was sold, and the prepai a
tions for his long journey were nearly
completed. I was in wretched spirits—
the thought of parting with James seem
ed to be tearing my heart to pieces.
‘ One morning, while he was dressing
to go out to make the last arrangements
for his departure, I said to him in the
agony of my grief:
: Oh, James, James, how can I part with
you ?’
* I know Jane,’ he answered, ‘it is hard
—quite as hard for me as it is for you.
But, dearest wife, you know the alter
native—l must go, or we must all
starve!’
‘ Now, James, dear James,’ I said, ‘I
will make one more effort. I will look
over the paper once more, to see if I can
not find something that will suit you at
home,’
‘ While he finished dressing, I hastily
looked over the fresh advertisements and
saw for sale a retail grocery store, which
I thought must be in a good location,
and I begged James so earnestly to en
quire about it that he onuld not refuse to
grant me my petition. lie did inquire,
and he was so much pleased with it, that
before night, he had agreed to purchase
it.
‘ We very soon moved into the small
dwelling, which he found was to let over
the store.
‘As the grocery was a temperance
store, I did object to taking a stand be
hind the counter, to assist James when
he was more than usually busy, and to
take his place there, when he went out
to oarry home goods, or to procure a
fresh supply of stock.
‘ At first he had a laborious life of it;
and we toiled hard for our daily bread
—but we were together !
‘ More than that, our living was cer
tain—the business, though small, was
profitable, and we were rewarded for our
work.
‘ We were highly prosperous, and, at
the end of three years, James was able
to hire assistants, and I was kindly re
quested to resign the weights and meas
ures in their favor. I retired from be
hind the counter, delighted to return
once more to my undivided domestic
duties. In three years more, we moved
to a larger establishment, and last year
James caused to be built for our home
this handsome private dwelling which
you have admired so much since your
return to America. He declares that
this house is my ‘reward of merit’ for
my unshaken love of the daily morning
paper. Thus, you see, our daily paper
is regarded as a daily blessing.’
“Got” the Parson.—Our excellent friend
Parson F , whilst walking along the
street a few days since, met an ‘old lady of
color” wtb bottle ,n hand and mop in mouth.
i‘Ah Aunty,” said the good Parson, “that
dipping will be death of you some of these
days.”
“Laws a-me massa Parson,” replied Aun
ty, “you be de fus Bap’st preacher dis old
oman eber see ’posed to dippin,
The parson took the “get” kindly, and
Annty went her way, well satisfied with
hiwntf tmA doubtkM, the “rest of mao*
Mrs. Smith's Economy—The
Remnant of Carpet.
Mrs. Smith was a saving woman.—
There is an old saw about ‘ saving at the
spigKQt,’ <fcc., but that, of oourse, has
nothing to do with Mrs. Smith. She
was not mean—she was saving. Mrs.
Smith bought anew carpet —that cost,
we suppose twelve York shillings a yard
—perhaps fourteen. With all due care
in buying an exact quantity, there was a
remnant left, of, we should say, some
where between a yard and a half. Os
course it was only saved, but carefully
laid away. Occasionally, in the course
of the next two or three years, Smith
saw the remnant of carpet out for an air
ing. At length he said :
‘ W hy, Kitty, what on earth are you
l keeping that remnant for?’
‘ Why, you wouldn’t have it wasted,
would you ? I shall make something out
of it yet.’
She was right. She did. She had
not saved it so long for nothing. A
bright idea at length struck her how to
make something out of it.
Among Smith’s customers was a jour
neyman cabinet maker, who loved to
come in of an evening and enjoy a taste
ot good old Scotch whiskey punch, and
have a chat and a smoke. Scotia’s sons
do love to meet together and have social
glass. Now, the bright idea of Mrs.
Smith was, that she could get Robb, the
cabinet maker, to make her a pair of foot
stools, ottomans, or something else—lit
tle nondescript things that ladies have
in parlors—neither chair, bench, nor stool
—good for nothing to sit on, and of no
account for anything else, except to
stumble over. At pair of these she
would have made, and that would save
the remnant of carpet.
‘No doubt,’ said she to herself, in
thinking over the economy of the thing,
‘ do doubt Robb will take it out in trade
and that will be a saving.’
So she called him in, told him what
she wanted, and showed him the piece of
carpet saved so long, and now to be at
length appropriated to a profitable pur
pose.
‘ Yes, it will make very nice tops, and
there is plenty to make a large sized pair.
W ill you have them of mahogany, black
walnut, or rosewood V
She was not particular; she wanted
them nice, and might make them of any
thing he pleased— ‘ any remnants that
he could pick up about the shop.’
Mrs. Smith asked—no, she told her
husband about the arrangement, and he
said ;
‘ Just as you like; I don’t care.’
Time wore on. Robert drank and
smoked, and worked ; he worked slow,
but he worked sure, for by-and-by he
brought in one evening the new articles
of parlor furniture, the contrivances for
saving carpet remnants. Mr. Smith
thought them good looking, and sent
them up stairs. Mrs. Smith was de
lighted with them. They were “ beau
tiful”—“ such a match to the parlor car
pet —she was really proud of them.’—
And we may be allowed to say, proud
of her economy of house keeping. ‘Some
folks would have wasted that carpet, or
let the moths eat it, or let it lay around
loose, of no use.”
By and by, business over in the shop,
Smith came up. Smith must go and see
them; but some how he could not see
quite as much beauty in them as his wife
did, and in fact they did not look near
as well as they did when he first saw
them, and as for the economy of the thing
that he couldn’t see a bit of; but he
looked, bit his lip, and said nothing.—
He thought, ‘ Well, they are a woman’s
bauble, bought and paid for, so let it go.
I hope there are no more little remnants
of carpet round the house to be saved.’
But he said, good naturedly, in an
swer to the question, ‘ Yes, they look
very well.’
‘ Oh, they are perfect gems. Now I
hope you never will laugh at me again
for being so saving.’
‘No, he thought he shouldn’t—it was
not a laughing matter.’
‘By the by, Smith, how much did
Robb charge for the job V
‘ Eighteen dollars!’
‘ Eigh ” her jaw fell before the
other syllable could come out, for she
saw by Smith’s face that he was in earn
est. It was no laughing matter. It nev
er has been since, but has been a stand
ing lesson of family eoonomv, and will
probably descend to the next generation
as such.
Et?” Fanny Fern announces that, during
a recent rainy spell, she walked out in male
attire, accompanied by her husband, and was
much gratified with her adopted costume.—
r anny is actually having a pair of breeches
made to wear “on special occasions.” Exam
ple is awfhlly contagious; and if the women
are allowed to wear the breeches “on spe
cial occasions, they will soon get the hang
of ’em, and then good bye to petticoats;
which to most men. would be the saddest
l vdLe’ in this vale of tears and discontented
females. A bat le* eu Met. Stick to your
foroJwtwvlira Port.
Curiosities of Commerce.
Turning over the pages of the Cyclo
poedia of Commerce, just published, a
few matters attracted our attention as
curiosities, which we propose to trans
cribe for oyr readers. Wear# looking
for little things in commerce matters
that, in taking a magnificent, broad and
comprehensive view, would be overlook
ed—just as the invention of the greatest
importance for domestic purposes would
be overlooked and unnoticed in its home
ly attire when placed in exhibition and
surrounded by works of polished art,
costly machinery and georgeous furni
ture. An humble inventor once placed
in such an exhibition a few bunches of
fiiction matches. They were unnoticed.
Visitors went there looking for some
great thing, not realizing that the de
spised package of splints, tipped with
chemical fire, was the greatest thing in
that proud collection, destined to work a
revolution in the means of procuring
artificial light, and to become a universal
necessity, to be deprived of which would
be one of the greatest inconveniences
that could happen.
It is not more than twenty years ago
since the tinder box was in universal use.
It is abolished now. The invention of
the friction match spread slowly ; but
who, at this day, would venture to say
they could do without it ? Insignificant
as they appear to be, single factories,
with expensive machinery, cut up large
rafts of timber annually for matches.
Under the head of Pin, we find that
the manufacture of this indispensable lit
tle instrument was commenced in the
United States between 1812 and 1820,
since which time the business has ex
tended greatly, and several patents for
the manufacture of pins have been taken
out. The manufacture in England and
other parts of Europe is conducted upon
improvements made in the United States
Notwithstanding the extent of our own
productions, the United States imported
in 1855 pins to the value of $40,255.
Still keeping our attention directed to
small things, we find that the imports of
needles into this country for 1856
amounted to $246,000. It is said that
needles were first made in England in
the time of the bloody Mary, by a negro
from Spain; but he would not impart
his secret; It was lost at his death, and
not recovered again till 1568, in the
reign of Queen Elizabeth, when a Ger
man taught the art to the English, who
have since brought it to the greatest per
fection. It is stated that the construc
tion of a needle requires about 320 ope
rations, but they are rapidly and unin
terruptedly successive.
The temperance people will find an
argument to enforce their doctrines in
the fact that 41,071,638 bushels of grain
paying $25,000,000 duty, are annually
converted into malt in Great Britain for
ale and porter. It may reasonably be
inferred that a great quantity of these
beverages is drank there.
Ground nuts are quite an institution
with Young America, 800 tons having
been imported into the United States
from Gambia in one year. We, how
ever, dissent from the encyclopedist,
when he says they are most used here at
desert, roasted as chesnuts are elsewhere.
But France is the great market for gound
nuts, where they are used for oil, of
which they contain large quantities.—
The insignifficant hazlenut, so agreeable
to the palate, but so difficult to get, is
exported from Tarragona to the extent of
25,000 or 30,000 bags of four to the ton.
A kind of chocolate is prepared from
them, and they sometimes have been
made into bread. The pressed oil of ha
zlenuts is inferior to that of almonds.
The original inventor of the Ayrshire
snuffboxes was a cripple, hardly possess
ing the power of locomotion. They are
made of wood, admirably joined, painted
and varnished, and were first manufac
tured only sixty years since. Instead of
taking out a patent, the inventor intrust
ed his secret to a joiner in the village,
who in a few years amassed a great for
tune, while the other died as he had liv
ed, in the greatest poverty. Speaking
of snuff-boxes, snuff-taking took it rise in
England in 1702.
Under the head of Hair, the Cyclopae
dia says that 200,000 pounds weight of
woman’s hair is annually sold in France;
that the price paid for it is usually 6 cts.
an ounce.
One hundred thousand roses are re
quired to give a yield of 188 grains of
attar or oil of roses.
These are, doubtless in the compen
dious work many curious, interesting
and instructive facts, if one had the time
to search them out. And now as we are
closing, we notice quite a number of
items, such as that a bale of Sea Island
cotton weighs 333 pounds and measures
35 cubic feet, while a bale of East India
cotton weighs 383 pounds and only mea
sure 15 cubic feet, a fact of great impor
tance in the question of transportation.
What makes the great difference in cubic
proportiooe ?
From the Keokuk Journal.
Lines on the Oshun Teligraf.
BY PUGG.
Mity Oshun! Your konkered.
You may heave and rip and tare round like all
mad
Biit your kabled!
Veve got a streak of Aleck-tricity,
(Do you know Aleck ?) runnin
Rite through your bottom.
Be keerful, Mr. Oshun,
That you don’t get shocked, orful.
You’d better keep shy o’that ere wire,
And not get too curious.
You mite tell the fishes, what live in yer,
That this here line wam’t set
To catch gudgeons, no sir’ee.
If John Bull, Esq., gets too rantankerous,
We’ll jist holl him over, down
To Main and “h -annex’m,” we will;
Gosh all Jerusalem, ain’t this
Ere universal Yankee nation punkins
A heap ? It be and are sum to bute.
That ere Mr. Field, (I recken he’s no kin
To corn-field,) he’s a regeler buster,
He orter have a free pass
Over every teligraf in the hull
Country! he had.
Three chiers fur Mister Field !
Our pheelinks biles over
In contemplatin the grander
Os this ’ere undertakin.
We’re in for makin Mister Field
President o’ these ’ere United States.
Eloquence Extraordinary.
In an address lately delivered before
the Young Men’s Association in Great
Bend, Tenn., and published by request
of the Association, we find the following
elegant, eloquent and perspicuous pas
sages. The oration open thus :
“ To chide the reprehensible is an im
pulse of humanity, but to impersonate
the transgressor, is to surrender in guilt.
This surrender concedes an implication
absolute as it is universal of man’s rela
tionship as transgressor, and of his in
volvinent in the limitless expansion of
exceptionable undertakings. The exten
sion of this involvement varies like its
magnitude in the ratio of its intensity—
in the indulgence of its participants —and
in the complexity of its aspiration.”
That’s so ! If any body contradicts
that statement, it must because he don’t
understand it—or is willfully captious
and wrong headed. Hear the orator
again : (his subject is the “ Romance of
Reform :”)
“ Romance of reform lies not in glit
tering phantasms, dazzling the impetuous
with blazes of excellence—not in vague
sentimentalism reproaching the languor
of sudden vicissitude—not in national
celebrations from party eminence or hal
cyon repose—not in rattling thunders
of boiling eloquence, or in a patriot’s
zeal for his country’s good; but it lies
in substituting the calm repose of regu
larity to the wild madness of intensity
and perturbation.”
“ Impetuous blazes of excellence” is
good ; but it don’t come up to “ rattling
thunder of boiling eloquence.” But
fine as the language is, the thought is the
thing. How clear and precise! how
original, and yet how obvious ; But hear
him again :
“ Some of our ladies find this romance
mid flounces and ostentation, mid luxury
and expense ; mid smatterers of French
peppered with Latin—of Latin salted
with Greek, or of Greek hashed with
German. To petrify their brains with
problems or dishes would be blowing up
the ramparts of beauty and fortune—
pillaging the flower pots of geranium
magnificence, and insulting the bounties
of a benevolent God. The hot-aired
furnace—the attenuated visage—the wast
ed finger—the powdered varnish—the
wasp like waist are to them sublimated
attainments, stereotyped as the magnets
to a pauperized neglect.”
What will “ some of our ladies” say
to that ? What does he mean by blow
ing up the ramparts of beauty ?” The
obscurity can’t be in the writer, and
must therefore lie in our own ignorance.
Still we ask—What are the ramparts of
beauty ? Echo only answered “ beau
ty,” which throws no light on the sub
ject, and is probably intended as a sim
ple note of admiration at the orator’s
style. What does he mean by “blow
ing up the ramparts,” &c. ? A thought
strikes us ! —it’s the swell of crinoline !
Hoops! by all that’s extravagant!—
Hoops! whoop !—hurrah ! But mark
the orators’s felicity of diction in the
passage about “ pillaging the flower pots
of geranium magnificence,” is there any
thing finer than that in Carlyle or Em
erson ? Hear him once more—
“ Such a theme needs no epitasis. It
shows no amphitheatre with its Ignatius
irritating the loins to accelerate his glo
ry. It needs not the intellect of an Ori
gen—the inflexibility of Lamentius—or
the suavity of a Pionius for its apodo
sis.”
Clear as mud ! perspicacious as ‘Brah
ma !’ Let us pause for awhile to pon
der these maxims of wisdom. It is
enough for one day.
3agu ‘ John,’ quoth the gentle Julia to her
sleepy lord, one warm morning at a late hour
‘I wish you would take pattern by the ther
mometer.’
‘As how ?’ murmured her worser half,
sleepily opening his optics.
‘ Why—by rising !’
‘ Ahem, I wish you would imitate the oth
er fixamagig that hangs up by it—the ba
rometer.’
‘ Why so ?’
* Cause then, you’d let me know when
there m toii coming,’
Lawyer vs. Lawyer.
The Belton Independent (Texas) gives
the following racy letter from a lawyer
of its town, who has been favored with
an offer of a cheap recommendation to
patronage; which he has, nevertheless
felt constrained to decline. The letter
is as follows:
Georgetown, June 8, 1858-
John Livingston , Esq.—My Dear
John : —Yours came safely to hand.—
With a trembling hand and beating heart,
I seized the letter, thinking, from its size,
that I had been singled out by the ma
jority of the New fork merchants as
the most proper person to “put through”
on the “lightning line,” not only the
Georgetown merchants, but those in all
the surrounding counties, and visions of
a “pile” realized by 10 per cent, floated
through my mind, tinged with all the
gorgeous hues of six rainbows; but,
alas ! “stc transit gloria mundi .” Upon
opening it the vision fled, and I found
nothing but your most flattering attempt
to do me out of ten dollars. You tell
me “that my name has been inserted for
my county in your Catalogue of Law
yers iu Texas and elsewhere.”
By whose authority, John, was this
done ? Our acquaintance, I dont think,
would justify this liberty on your part,
and did I not believe that it was done
purely with the desire of advancing my
interest, I should feel disposed to resent
the liberty. I feel flattered, John, at
the mark of your esteem and confidence,
and would have felt more so had you not
sent the very same letter to all my ac
quaintance among the bar. I don’t un
derstand this, my dear fellow. Now,
suppose, John, that 1 should send you
$lO, and the balance of the profession
should do the same thing; think of the
delicate situation in which you would be
placed. Six or seven of us, all paying
to be inserted in your Catalogue of Law
yers, as the most reliable Lawyer in Wil
liamson county, Texas! How could you
choose between us? You have made
the same promise to all of us ; and the
place is too small to afford but one
“reliable lawyer.” It won’t do, John.
The thing can’t be explained in any oth
er way, but that you are trying to
“Jeremy Diddle” us out of ten dollars
each. It is a poor compliment to our
sense to think you can “do it to us ” in
this style. Why, the little boys here
all see through this; ’tis as plain as the
old “grandmother’s trick,” John.
Cannot, or could you not, devise some
slicker method of putting us through ?
something that we could not see through ?
You say that the ten dollars will be my
“just proportion of the expense of pub
lishing and circulating said catalogue.”
You are mistaken John—the rascally
publishers have fooled you —you have
the names of abut eight or ten thousand
“reliable lawyers” in the United States,
and at ten dollars a head, John, it would
look to a blind man as if there was mon
ey enough to publish the Lives of Gen.
Washington, Tom Thumb, Fred Doug
lass, the Angel Gabriel, and yourself,
John, all bound in calf, and have enough
left besides to “flicker all round.” You
see we have studied arithmetic here,
John, and have cut our eye-teeth besides.
We don’t blame you, John, for trying to
take us in, for although you know us
well enough to vouch for us to any
man who has important business to at
tend to, and will, for ten dollars, recom
mend us as the “ most and only reliable
lawyer in Georgetcnon yet, John, you
don’t know us, (this is private,) or you
never would have attempted to Simon
Sugs us in this way. 1 believe lam
capable, and hope I am honest; but,
John, you don’t know the fact to be so,
and therefore, according to Polly, when
you say so, you lie, John.
You say in your postscript that if you
cau’t do me for ten dollars I may “go in
lemons” to the amount of fivei Thank
you—small favors thankfully received—
large ones in proportion. I believe I
will pass the first round and see how the
game goes.
In conclusion, John, allow me to re
quest you to take my name out of your
book, John. I had as lief be published
almost in a horse-thief list, as to ap
pear in your book, for we all understand
it here, and when a man’s name is seen
there, we know he has bought the privi
lege, and as we know the price we think
but little of a ten dollar reputation, and
less of the man who prizes it enough to
buy it. I consider myself injured, John,
by the first insertion and if it is contin
ued, shall be compelled to resort to le
gal process to have it stopped—consider
myself slandered, and think less of eve
ry man whose name appears in your cat
alogue, if done with his authority. I
I would, before I close, advise you always
to send a postage stamp to pay postage
with, did I not know it was not a “part
of your system” to do so. No news.—
Town as dull at present as your attempt
to swindle me.
In conclusion, allow me to subscribe
myself, my dear John,
Your victim , in a horn,
A. H. Oh mere.
wro. ae.
Ten Thousand Dollars In the
Suds.
An ex-banker of Cincinnati, who ‘wen
under’ during the ‘ financial crisis,’ and
was compelled by ‘ outside pressure,’ to
‘ shut up shop,’ and endeavored to ‘ re
alize assets amply’ sufficient to oover all
his lie abilities, was thrown into a wild
state of excitement, on Tuesday last—so
humorously remarks the Commercial, of
that city. He was in fact, in a condition
of mind bordering upon phrenzy. It
seems that he has a queer habit of ha/ing
breeches washed. He sends them out
to a laundress. Last Thursday the ex
j banker’s unwhlsperables went out, as
| usual—one pair, at least—but the wash
| erwoman, from unexplained cause, was
! dilatory, and did not put the bifurcates
into suds so promptly as she was wont.
Saturday came, and she concluded to lay
the job over until the first of the week.
Monday she was interrupted, and the
unmentionables were again put aside un
til Tuesday. That morning, however, she
resolved to dispose of the contract, and
accordingly she prepared the instru
ments. She got the water hot, the suds
made, and held the ‘ breeks” by the
waistband, and was about to subject them
to hydropathic treatment, when her hand
was suddenly arrested, and her heart
sent struggling into her throat by a fu
rious rapping at the door.
She hesitated, stood aghast between
terror and her wash tub, before she had
time to collect her faculties her patron
stood before her, his features distorted
his eyes blazing with frantic excitement.
Surveying her an instant, he screamed
rather than interrogated, ‘ Have you—
Have you washed my breeches ? HAVE
you washed my breeches ? You’ve ruin
ed me ; have you washed my”—but sud
denly catching a glimpse of the garment
still clutched by the suspended hand of
the terrified laundress, he leaped forward
with nervous energy, and snatching them
from her, he ran his own hand hastily
along the waistband until he met with
something that seemed to satisfy his
desires, and sinking down in a chair he
fairly went into hysterics. By this time
the poor woman found voice and asked
him ‘ why, Mr. , what is the mat
ter ?’ ‘ Oh, woman, woman,’ he sobbed,
4 what an escape ! There are ten thou
sand dollars in those breeches. Where’s
your scissors ? Get them, quick. Had
you washed those breeches I would have
been ruined. What an escape V The
laundress got the scissors ; the seam of
the waisband was ripped open in an in
stant, before her astonished gaze beheld
layers of bank bills—of what value she
knew not, save that he repeated, ‘ ten
thousand dollars , ten thousand dollars!
hat an escape ! What an escape !’
Whipped.
The editor of a Democratic paper in
Kentucky, published in a county which
gave a large majority at the late election
againt the Democracy, thus humorously
gives vent to his complainings :
“W e are beat; it’s no use to try any
longer; we are chawed up and spit out,
we feel now about the consistency and
shape of a potatoe run over by a wagon
wheel.
“We fought gallantly to win this
county. We fought desperately.—
Speeches from one to three hours in
length were made in every precinct in
the county; we worked hard individu
ally ; all our friends that we could see
were hard at work, every voter in the
whole county was visited, and yet in
spite of all that we are beat.
“We don’t believe that we will ever
have good crops here again; we don’t
believe our farmers will prosper; we
don’t believe that Democratic sentiment
will ever get a footing in this hard old
county. It is our usual ill luck weigh
ing us down again, we never desired
anything ardently without being disap
pointed. We never had a pet but what
it sickened and died; we never asked
a young lady to have us but what she
spit in our face ; we never made a bet
we didn’t lose ; and we believe that the
spectre of Sam, with gory locks and a
vulture like countenance, is following us
day and night, blasting all our under
takings, and keeping the cup of disap
pointment continually to our lips.
“ The fact of the business is, fellow
citizens, we can never beat Know Noth
ingism is this county until we raise up a
new generation. We think that the
young men and boys, if properly direct
ed and attended to, will stick to us when
they grow up, but as things now stand,
Democracy has no more chance in Har
din county than ‘ a bob-tailed bull in fly
time.’ ”
As Jonah’s gourd —having done him no
service in the night, when he needed it not
—withered in the morning, when he hoped
for the most benefit by it against the ensuing
heats of the day; so the blessings of this world
frequently wither at such times as we looked
to find the moat refreshment in, and refresh
ment from theca.