The Forsyth County news. (Cumming, Ga.) 19??-current, November 17, 2002, Page PAGE 5A, Image 5

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Family Haven a respite for women in need ; Deanna called the hotline ; between clients because she ; was afraid Paul might find a ■ returned message or check the ■ caller ID on their answering ‘ machine if she called from I home. ! She had built up her own ;hair salon business and it had :been going well until Paul starting working there part ;time. Even though she could smooth some problems out herself, she had lost clients because of his rudeness and occasional angry outbursts. He grilled her about every call, every conversation and every encounter. She was flat tered in the beginning of their relationship because she thought it was a sign of how much he cared for her. Since he was much older and more experienced than she, she thought that was just the way it was supposed to be. However, since their mar riage four years earlier, he interrogated her even about visits to her family. He gave her the third degree every time she saw an old friend or spoke with the neighbors. She didn’t know why he bothered to ask because he never believed what she told him. He hurled ridiculous accu sations about her cheating and having affairs, even with their elderly landlord. He called her ugly names and made her feel worthless. She felt like she was walking on eggshells. He monitored everything she did, everyone she spoke to, every penny she spent. He com plained about everything and blamed her for it. The slightest discrepancy displeased him and made him explode. He had never struck her, but he had destroyed furniture, dish es, and a wall in his uncon trolled anger. And he drank. More and more often, which made his rages worse. The next day, he would cry and apologize and beg her to forgive him with promises that it would never happen again. In the past, Deanna thought she could handle him. She thought she could help him. But the night before she called the hotline, he had real ly scared her. They’d been going over the books for the salon, which he insisted upon doing, just as he’d insisted that he be made partner in the business. Suddenly, he flew into a rage. She still doesn’t know what set him off. He started yelling and cursing, and had what Deanna called a “full fledged temper tantrum.” He went into the bathroom and knocked everything off the counter. He pulled everything out of the medicine cabinet and threw it on the floor. He started smashing his fists into Learn To IX, nh "’^'' ■ Randall Simmons Flight Training, Inc. Gift Certificates Available - Gold Seal Flight Instructors Call for an introductory price - 770-720-3950 L I I Listen to What My My Personal I Patients Have to Say: Guarantee To You.! ;“I came to Dr. King in chiropractic can help > tears with a pinched y OU J’U tetl you. (f not I nerve in my neck. 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The United Way is in the midst of its annual fundraising campaign. For lAAMI more ’ n^orrnat ' on on 'he WIIIIMSU agencies supported by Os Forsyth County the United Way, or to learn how you can sup port these local non-profit organizations, call (770) 781-4110. the glass shower door, until his hands and arms were bleeding. The shouting and breaking glass brought the landlord upstairs in alarm. Paul threatened to kill him if he didn’t leave. He threatened to kill him anyway because he knew he was having an affair with his wife. Deanna grabbed her keys and purse and hur riedly drove to her parents. All night her cell phone rang, but she couldn’t bear to speak with Paul. He left numerous messages on her parents’ answering machine, sometimes threatening to “make them pay” if they did n’t tell him where she was, and sometimes begging them to help him find her. She was afraid to go home. Paul had a licensed gun and this time she thought he would use it. Her parents convinced her to get help. She felt lucky that she still had supportive parents, even after Paul had tried to sever her relationship with them. What did women do when they were completely isolated from friends and fam ily? What Deanna learned from that hotline phone call the next day began a struggle to take back her life. She found out that there were services avail able for women experiencing domestic abuse. She learned that Paul’s rages, worsened by his drinking, were part of a common pattern of abuse. She discovered that her life fit the cycle of violence that repre sents this pattern. It was a surprise to her that almost all cases of abuse begin with a period of tension where the victim can’t do anything right, then escalates to some form of explosive behavior, followed by a honeymoon period where the abuser attempts to lull the partner back to a state of dependency. She learned that his pos sessiveness had nothing to do with love and everything to do with power and control. It had worked. That’s why she had been feeling so helpless. There was nothing she could do to break the cycle. It was not her fault, nor could she change him. He would have to do that himself with serious counsel ing. She realized she didn’t deserve to live in fear and abuse. Deanna called a legal advocate who helped her get a temporary protective order. The law was now on her side. A policeman escorted her home and made certain that Paul packed his belongings and left. She felt a peace and a We never stop working for you: m 11 nll rn it Ni 9 hts & Weekends V 1111111 l IvU and more n y t ' me Minutes. The perfect gift for any family. 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Within a few months, she had gotten the business back in her name and it continues to grow. She divorced Paul, filling out all the paperwork herself. She’s recently bought a new van. Men are starting to ask her out and she’s learned how to say ‘no’ when she has any doubt. The protective order ensured that Paul could not see her, contact her, or inter fere with her life in any way for six months. Feeling safe was such a relief that she felt she was starting a new life at 37. When the order was about to expire, she filed for a per manent extension. She said she’s learned not to take any unnecessary chances. FORSYTH COUNTY NEWS Sunday, November 17,2002 I — A. Bl , jtfe, v MP* r z ___J Photos/Submitted Pinewood Derby winners The Girl Scouts of Forsyth Central Service Unit held their first Pinewood Derby on Nov. 9. Awards were given for design and speed. Design winners were, left to right, Arianna Head, Troop 3815, second place; Meredith Bresnahan (did not place); Olivia Deckard, Troop 3859, first place; and Elizabeth Ann Watts, Troop 3820, third place. Speed winners were, back row, left to right, Beth Ray, Troop 3732, second place; Helena Seward, Troop 3858, first place; and Haley Tiernan, Troop 3807, third place. ■■ MF M PAGE 5A