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The Forsyth County News
Opinion
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and funerals
Editor’s note: Roger Simon
is on vacation. The following
column was first published in
May 2000.
WASHINGTON The
rule is that you’ve got to go to
all weddings and funerals. And
not just your own. You’ve got
to go to every wedding and
funeral you are invited to.
This can sometimes be an
inconvenience, especially
when it comes to weddings
where you suspect that you’ve
been invited just for the pres
ent.
But banish this thought
from your mind. Most wed¬
dings have become so expen¬
sive that people are not invited
lightly anymore, and often the
wedding present the bride gets
(how come the groom never
gets presents?) does not equal
the cost of wining and dining
the gift-giver. (I make sufe of
that, anyway, by eating and
drinking as much as I can.)
When it comes to funerals,
resist the urge to invoke the
oft-repeated saying: “He/she
(i.e. the dead person) is not
going to know if we are there
or not.”
While this is true, it invokes
the equally oft-repeated say¬
ing: “Funerals are not for the
dead, they are for the living.”
And, believe me, there is going
to be somebody alive and at
that funeral who will never for¬
give you for stiffing the stiff.
Besides, both weddings and
funerals give men a chance to
wear the suit they have hang¬
ing in the closet that they never
wear. They can no longer
remember why they bought it
in the first place (unless it was
for their own wedding), but
there it hangs. It is usually blue
and hardly ever used.
It is the suit you never wear
to work because if you do, a
co-worker always says,
“Somebody die?” or, “Hey,
you getting married today?”
So you keep it in your clos¬
et and watch the pants shrink.
At least they always feel like
they have shrunk when you try
to get into them for that wed¬
ding or funeral you have decid¬
ed to go to.
I skipped a wedding some
years ago because I was living
in Chicago and the wedding
was in New York, and it
seemed like too much time and
trouble and money. As it turned
out, there were only eight peo¬
ple invited and my absence
was very much noted. The
groom has never forgiven me
to this day. (The bride never
spoke to me even before this
day.)
On your payroll
CITY COUNCIL
Mayor, H. Ford Gravitt
RO. Box 3177, Cumming, GA 30028; (770) 887-4342
Mayor Pro-Tem, Lewis Ledbetter
205 Mountain Brook Dr., Cumming, GA 30040; (770) 887-3019
Ralph Perry
1420 Pilgrim Rd„ Cumming, GA 30040; (770) 887-7474
Quincy Holton
103 Hickory Ridge Dr., Cumming, GA 30040; (770) 887-5279
Rupert Sexton
705 Pine Lake Dr., Cumming, GA 30040; (770) 887-4332
John Pugh
10813th St, Cumming, GA 30040; (770) 887-3342
COUNTY COM MIS SIO NERS
Charles Laughinghouse, Post 1
3550 Rosewicke Dr., Cumming, GA 30040
(770) 886-7937; office, (770) 886-2810
Brian Tam, Post 2
4410 Dorset Lane, Suwanee, GA 30024
(678)513-5882
Chairman John A. “Jack” Conway, Poet 3
6130 Polo Club Dr., Cumming, GA 30040
(770) 886-9226; (770) 886-2807
David Richard, Poet 4
8540 Meadow Grave Lane, Gainesville, GA 30506
(678) 513-5884
Linda Ledbetter, Post 5
206 Mountain Brook Drive, Cumming, GA 30040
(678) 513-5885
* I Y
Simon Roger
*§■<
‘OLUMNIST
One weekend morning a
few years later, I glanced at the
date atop the newspaper I was
reading and realized there was
a wedding I was supposed to
be at. It was a college friend,
and we really weren’t that
close anymore (I thought), and
I was about to blow it off,
when I remembered the rule:
Go to all weddings and all
funerals.
So I struggled into my wed¬
ding suit (which is also my
funeral suit, though I do pick
different ties) and drove a half
hour to the wedding. 1 figured I
could send them a present later.
I knew I was going to be
late; but I figured I could slip in
the back door of the church and
nobody would be the wiser.
rs
them — were standing out
front. I rolled down the win¬
dow of my car. Is there a prob
Iem? I shouted. Is the wedding
off? “They’re waiting for you!”
the best man screamed at me.
“They’re holding the service
for you!”
I parked the car in a no
parking zone and rushed into
the church. The bride’s entire
family turned around and
glared at me. 1 will never forget
their faces, because all of them
were chewing gum. (Who
chews gum at a wedding? I
wanted to ask. Instead, I just
mumbled apologies to the gen
eral congregation.)
But I am still friends with
the wedding couple to this day.
If I had not shown up, they
would have never forgiven me.
(Or maybe they would have
never married; maybe they
would have held up the wed
ding forever in the vain hope
that I would arrive.)
We weren’t really that
close, I always tell them when
we see each other and they
mention how late I was on
their wedding day. Were we?
“But we knew you’d be
there!” the groom always says,
“We knew about your rale!
The all weddings and all
funerals rule?
“Of course,” the groom
says. “And we knew you’d
send us a nice present out of
sheer guilt.”
I just wish I had eaten more
at their wedding.
Roger Simon is a nationally
syndicated columnist.
___AilEQISUTQRS kVJiiM
< U.S. Sen. Johnny Isakson
United States Senate
Washington, D.C. 20510
(202) 224-3643 or (770) 661 -0999
U.S. Sen. Saxby Chambliss Office Building > - /-- ■
416 Russell Senate >
Washington, D.C. 20510
(202) 224-35210T (770) 763-9090
< U.S. Rep. Nathan Deal, 10th District
2437 Rayburn House Office Building,
Washington, D.C. 20515
Gainesville: RO. Box 1015, Gainesville, GA 30503
(770) 535-2592; (202) 225-5211; Fax: (202) 225-8272
U.S. Rep. John Linder, 7th District >
1727 Longworth House Office Building, W*
Washington, D.C. 20515-1011
2)2254272; (770) 232-3005; Fax:
[ 202 ] ;
202 2254696
STATE LE GISLATORS
Sen. Eugene “Chip” Pearson, 51 st District >
The State Senate State Capitol, Atlanta, GA 30334
District P.O. Box 38, Dawsonville, GA 30534 f*
Telephone: (770) 8866971 or (404) 656-9221
< Sen. Bill Stephens, 27lh District
’<V 236 State Capitol, Atlanta, GA 30334
I404V
District: P.O. Box 4400, Canton, G A 30114
(770) 517-5229
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The „ . . __ Bolton 1 charade ^ t continues the 1 Senate
in
WASHINGTON — “We
are not on some fishing expe
dition here at all to derail the
Bolton nomination," Sen.
Christopher Dodd, with his
customary half-smile in
place, told the Senate last
week. But that is exactly
what the crafty Democrat is
doing —with success so far.
He has maneuvered John R.
Bolton’s confirmation to be
U.S. ambassador into desper
ate straits,
Dodd’s unreported speech
to an empty Senate before it
adjourned for another long
weekend was classic senato
rial misdirection. He held out
the prospect of ending tne fil
ibuster against Bolton and
quickly confirming him, if
only more information were
given Democratic senators,
Yet, in the same speech, he
reiterated his unequivocal
opposition to the conserva
tive Bolton, not discussing
competence or ideology but
personality,
All this is a charade.
Opposition to Bolton has
become a party matter, where
his possible Democratic sup¬
porters have been brought to
heel. The cloture vote to end
the filibuster scheduled for 6
p m. Monday was unlikely to
collect the necessary 60
votes. That effectively would
end the confirmation strug
gle. President Bush then
would face the dilemma of
either sending Bolton to the
United Nations on a recess
Robert
Novak
appointment that will be
reviled by Democrats as
extra-constitutional, or
accepting defeat.
This outcome hardly
seemed possible two months
ago when Dodd, long seeking
improved relations with Fidel
Castro’s Cuban dictatorship,
renewed an old complaint
about Bolton’s disclosure as
under secretary of state of
Castro’s bioweapons devel
opment. Sen. Joseph Biden,
ranking Democrat on the
Foreign Relations Committee
who seldom shuns a confir
mation fight, eagerly joined
Dodd.
Not much has been said
lately about Cuba or Bolton’s
conservative outlook, neither
of which is good grounds for
denying confirmation. Dodd
still complains Bolton is hard
on subordinates (“Mr. Bolton
was a very driven individual
when he sought to get.his
way with underlings,” the
senator said Thursday).
Seeking a way to justify
preconceived opposition,
Dodd and Biden seized on
the Executive branch’s
refusal to give the Senate
what it wanted. The issue, so
obscure k is difficult for the
non-senatorial mind to grasp,
FORSYTH COUNTY NEWS—Thursday. June
goes to Bolton having
requested intelligence inter¬
cepts. Dodd demands the
names of U.S. officials listed
there whom Bolton might
have intimidated.
Sen. Pat Roberts, the
Intelligence Committee
chairman, reviewed the inter
cepts and reported to Dodd
that they were “vanilla” and
did not affect the confirma
tion fight. Roberts originally
thought his Democratic vice
chairman, Sen. Jay Rock
efeller, agreed. But that was
before Democratic leaders
got hold of Rockefeller and
turned him around.
Roberts, trying to settle
the matter Wednesday,
reported that seven officials
whose names were raised by
Dodd were not in the intelli
gence intercepts. In his
Thursday response, Chris
Dodd again showed himself
one of the Senate’s fiercest
partisans behind a smiling
face. He criticized Roberts
for revealing five of the
names (though they were
drawn from public statements
by Democrats), and then
demanded that the intercepts
be made available to search
for 36 officials.
This baffling process
becomes intelligible only in
terms that Dodd and Biden
want to hold together the
Democrats on grounds of
senatorial prerogative in
demanding information. Sen.
Charles Schumer, a Democrat
i < Rep. Tom Knox, 24th District
m Legislative Office Building, Room 504
18 Capitol Square, Atlanta, GA 30334
(404) 656-6831, or (770) 887-0400, law office
Rep. Amos Amerson, 9th District >
Suite 607, Legislative Office Building
18 Capitol Square, Atlanta, GA 30334 U ■
(404) 657-8443 or (706) 864-6589 V -
■r ."1 < Rep. Jack Murphy, 23rd District
Legislative office Building,
Room 612, Atlanta GA 30334
i (404) 656-0188
V *
BOARD OF EDUCATION
Ann Crow
96 Barker Rd., Cumming, GA 30040
(770) 887-9640; acrow@forsyth.k12.gaus
Tom Cleveland
5225 Millsford Court, Cumming, GA 30040
(770) 844-9901; tdeveland@fofsyth.k12.ga.us
Nancy Roche
7840 Chestnut Hill Rd., Cumming, GA 30041
(770) 889-0229; nroche@forsyth.k12.gaus
Ronnie Pinson
8310 Browns Bridge Rd., Gafoesvifle, GA 30506
(770) 887-9808; rpinson@forsyth.k12.gaus
h
PAGE 11A
who often removes the veils
from his party’s strategy,
conceded that this trumped
up issue unified the caucus as
it had in opposing Miguel
Estrada’s failed judicial nom¬
ination. Sen. Mark Pryor, a
freshman from Arkansas who
cannot decide whether he
wants to be an independent
moderate or a party stalwart,
last week used the claimed
denial of documents to justi¬
fy withdrawing his previous
support for cloture.
Biden sat down with
Bolton for an hour and a half
Thursday, trying to work out
the demand for access to
intelligence. They noted that
they both went through this
dispute in 1986 when
William Rehnquist was nom¬
inated for chief justice. It was
thought then that Rehnquist
might not be confirmed until
Biden and Bolton, then an
assistant attorney general,
worked out a compromise on
release of documents.
Dodd walked in for the
final 20 minutes of last
Thursday’s negotiations, but
how much he is interested in
solving the intelligence dis¬
closure problem is question¬
able. From the first, his prior¬
ity was keeping Bolton out of
Turtle Bay. Dodd will lose if
he now must give up the cha¬
rade of protecting Senate pre¬
rogatives.
Robert Novak is a nation¬
ally syndicated columnist and
a television commentator.