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Nurse's grief felt by
her whole family
DEAR ABBY
Jeanne Phillips
DEAR ABBY: I would
like to respond to “Still
Grieving in Arkansas”™
(Nov. 20), who was
upset that he didn’t get a
response to a note he
sent to his wife’s treat
ing physician after her
death.
As an RN, my mom
had a tendency to
become very close to
patients who required
long-term care in the
hospital. It seemed that
she never had any “emo
tional detachment” from
her patients, but instead
formed an “emotional
attachment.”
I recall many times
during the convales
cence or death of these
patients, Mom would
come home from work
and go to bed and cry
from her own bereave
ment. As her son, |
grieved, too, because it
hurt me to see Mom
hurting. As a young
child, my father, siblings
and I could have done
without these periods of
unnecessary emotional
pain.
Therefore, Dear Abby,
I think you were right to
say, “Please forgive
them” when doctors and
nurses don’t exhibit pub
lic remorse during times
of grief.
— RN’S SON IN
GEORGIA
DEAR RN’S SON:
Thank you for describing
your mother’s response
to a patient’s passing and
how it affected the fami
ly. However, I also heard
from many health care
providers who said that it
IS their duty to acknowl
edge the passing of one
of their patients, and it
should be considered part
of the healing process for
both the patient’s family
and the health care pro
vider. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am a
hematologist-oncologist.
I try to send a sympathy
card to each family after
the death of their rela
tive. If I receive a note or
a copy of an obituary, I
try to call the person to
thank them for taking the
time to contact me.
After seeing
“Grieving’s” letter, I took
an informal poll of my
colleagues and was grati
fied that many DO send
notes. I was surprised
that some do not extend
sympathies. After hear
ing it, I encouraged them
all to do so. It’s the least
we can do to promote
healing among the survi-
VOrS.
— OHIO
ONCOLOGIST
DEAR ABBY:Iam a
retired medical oncolo
gist, Early in my career,
a grieving patient’s hus
band berated me for not
contacting the family
after his wife died. It was
then that I realized that
despite my excellent
care, the family needed
something more — clo
sure, For 30 years, until I
retired, I sent a personal
sympathy card and mes
sage to each family con
cerning their loss.
Sharing these thoughts
also gave ME closure.
— DOCTOR JACK IN
ARIZONA