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dical Conv r '^t*' 1j» m m POETS?. from pinknry’s poems. A HEALTH; v I'll fill this cup to one made op Of loveliness alone; A woman, of her gentle sex The seemimr paragon; To whom the better elements And kindly stars have given A form so fair, that like the air, ’Tis less of earth than heaven. Her every tone is music’s own, Like those of morning birds, And something more than melody Dwells ever in her words: The ^coinage of her heart are they, And from her lips each flows, As one may see the burthen’d bee Forth issue from the rose. Affections are as thoughts to her, The measure of her hours; Her feelings have the fragrancy, The freshness of young flowers : And lovely passions changing oft, So fill her, she appears Hie image of themselves, by turns, The idol of past years! Of her bright face, one glance will trace A picture on the brain, And of her voice in echoing hearts A sound must long remain; But memory, such as mine of her, So very much endears, When death, is nigh, my latest sigh, Will not be life’s, but hcr’s. I’ve fill’d this cup to one made up Of loveliness alone, A woman, of her gentle sex The seeming paragon; Her health!—and would on earth there stood Some more of such a frame, That life might be all poetry, And weariness a name. - LINES Written by the Right Hon. George Canning, when a young man, and placed by him on the table of a ‘ on the morning of her marriage, she l few days before presented him witha piece ■ make a pair of shooting breeches. W hen all, on this auspicious day, 'Well pleased, their grateful homage pay, And sweetly smile, and 9oflly say A thousand pleasant speeches, - My inuse shall touch her tuneful strings, Nor scorn the gift her dqty i.rings, A pair of shooting breeches- Soon shall the taylor’s mystic’art, Have fashioned them j» every part, And ihade them tight and spruce, and smart, Wiu'i twenty thousand stitches; Then(mark the nftfral of my song, Oh, mfrFyoizrtbvea but prove as strong; And \&ir as well and last as long, Asflhese my shooting breeches. when to ease this load of life, ke unto myself a wife, I ask not rank nor riches; Temper like thine alone I pray— Temper like thine, serene and gay, Inclin’d like thine, to give away, t Not wear thyself the breeches. fit bee" of blue stc^kingism onyrtie ond hand, or e? ignorance dud frivolity outlie other, just as the work you may chance naino, happens to be recordite or popular, nay, sometimes the same production shall excite bofo feelings “ Have you read Hadji Baba ?” said I to her one day last winter. “ Hadji Baba, the Persian ” “ Really Ma'am, I am no Orientalist.” “ Hadji Baba, the clever Persian tale ?” continued I, determined not lobe daunted. “ I believe, Miss M.” re joined she, “ that you think I have nothing better to do than to read novels.” And so she snip snaps to the end of the visit. Even the Scotch novels, which she does own to 1 reading, are no resource in her desperate case. There we are shipwrecked on the rocks of taste. A difference there is fatal She takes to those delicious books as per sonal property, and spreads over them the prickly shield of her husband and children ; is huffy if you prefer Guy Mannering to the Antiquary, and quite jealous if you presume to praise Jeanie Deans; thus cutting off his Majesty’s lieges from the most approved topic of discussion among civilized people, a neutral .ground as open and various as the weather, and far,more delightful. But what did 1 say T The very weather is with her no -prudent word. She pretends to skill in that science of guesses, commonly palled wea ther wisdom, and a fog, or a shower, or m d from would her conversation as soon talk of a thunder storm, or the blessed sun himself, I may have been rash enough to. contradict con b; -bnce. after-her visiters, her correspon- are to be pitieft; they had need look to their P’s and Q’s, their, spelling and thehr stationary. If .you write a note to her, be sure that the paper is the best double post, hot-pressed and gilt-edged; that your pen is in good order, foat your “ Dear Madams,” have a" proper mixture of regard and respect, and that ybut* Ibkfihgs and sealings are un exceptionable.' Shift is of a sort to faint at the absence of an envelope, and to die of a wafer. ' Note above all, that your address be perfect; that your to be not forgotten; that the offending Benjamin be omitted; and that the style and title of her mansion, Shaw- ford Manor House, be set forth in full glory, and when this is achieved, make up your m'nd to her taking some inexplicable affront after all. Thrice fortunate would he be who could put twenty words together with out affronting her. Besides, she is great at a scornful reply, and shall keep up a quar relling correspondence with any lady in Great* Britain. Her letters are like chal lenges; and but for tke protection of the petticoat she would have fought fifty duels and been either killed or quieted long ago. If her husband had been of her temper, she would have brought, .him into twenty scrapes; but he is as unlike her as possible; a good humoured, rattling creature, with a in the country. Let her stab him with a pair of scissors.—Let him faint from loss oX blood. Let her jump out at a window, and run back - again to London. Let a duel be fought about it, and let one man be killed. Bring Lord Tenderheart back again. Let there be an eclaircisdraent. Let them vow eternal love, though Lord T*s, father will riot consent to the union on Account of the obscurity of Heavenlietta’s birth. ; Let there be a severe frost, and afterwards a thaw, to make the streets -slippery. Let an old gentleman tumble down, and break his leg or his arm (it matters not w’lich,) and let him be carried to the house where Heavenlietta resides. Let him have 9 fe ver, and recover slowly. Let him start when he sees Heavenlietta. Let her be sowing some day with the old fashioned thimble—or writing with a pencil fastened in the old silver pencil case—or dangling the locket between the finger and thumb— and let the old gentleman change color at the sight of the said thimble, or pencil case, or locket, which ever you choose to select. Let him discover to Heavenlietta that he is her grand papa, and the earl of Eat-water, —that her father is dead—and thpt the trfn- et in question once belonged to her great grandmother. Let her confide to him her attachment to her bodements, and put her out of humor I perpetual festivity of^ temper, and a propen- [ for the day. Her own name has all her life long been [ a fertile source of misery to this unfortunatl I lady. Her maiden name was S my the. Anne j Smythe. Now Smythe, although perfectly genteel and unexceptionable to look at, a sity to motion, and.laughter, and all sorts of merry mischief, like .a school-boy in the ho lidays, which felicitous personage he resem bles bodily, m his round, ruddy, handsome face, his dancing black eyes, curling hair, and light active figure, the youngest man pattern appellation on paper, was, in speak-1 that ever saw forty. His pursuits have the j ing no way distinguished from the thousands of common Smiths who cumber the world. She never heard that “ word of fear,” espe- j cially when introduced to a new acquain [ tancc. without looking as if she longed to spell it. Anne was bad enough; people [ had housemaids of that name, as if to riluke a confusion ; and her grandmama insisted on same happy juvenility. In the summer he fishes and plays cricket; in the winter he hunts and courses; and what with grouse and partridges, pheasants and woodcocks, woodpigeons and flappers, he contrives pretty tolerably to .shpof all the year round. Moreover, he attends 1 revels, races, assizes, and quarter sessions, drives' stage coaches omitting the final e, in which iiqpertantj and patronises plays,.is steward to concerts, vowel was seated all it could boast of ele- goes to eyery dknce within forty miles, and | gance or dignity; and once a brother Harry, I talks of standing for the county; so that he I an Etonian, a pickle, one of that order of has no time to quarrel with lus wife, or for clever, boys who seem bom for the torment her, and affronts her tweiity times an hour Cf their relatives, “ foredoomed their sister’s by simply giving her her own way. sotil to cross,” actually went so far as call To the popularity of this universal favor- hAr Nancy! She did not box his ears J ite, for the restless sociability of his temper [ although how near her tingling finger ends I is invaluable in a dull country neighboiir- | approached to that consummation it is not I hood, his wife certainly owes the toleration iny business to tel!. Having suffered so which bids fair to render her incorrigible, much from the perplexity of her equivocal She fast approaches to the melancholy con- maiden name, she thought herself most dition of a privileged person, one put out of lucky in pitching on the thoroughly well the pale of civilized society. People have looking and well sounding appellation of I left off being angry with her, and begin to Morley, for the rest of her fife. Mrs. Mor ley, nothing could do better. For once there was a word that did hot affront her. The first alloy to this satisfaction was her] perceiving on the bridal cards, Mr. and Mrs. B. Morley, and hearing that close to their future residence lived a rich bachelor uncle, shrug up their shoulders and say, * it is her way,* a species of placability which only provokes her the more. For my part have too great a desire to obtain her good opinion to think of treating her in so shabby a manner '; and as it is morally certain that we shall ripver be friends whilst we visit, I Cortes of Madrid. ^Twenty-one prisoners were found in it, not one of whom knew the name of the city in which it v/aSjSBome had been confined three years, some a longer period; not one of them knetpdflH fectiy the nature of the crime of which- he was accused. One of these prisoners had been condemned, and was to have suffered on the following day. His. punishment was to be death by the pendulum. The method of thus destroying the victim is as follows : The condemned is fastened in a grave; upon a table, on his back; suspended a-, hove him is a pendulum, the edge of which is sharp, and it is so constructed as to be- ' come longer with eyery moment. The wretch sees this implement of destruction swinging to and fro above him, and every moment the keen edge approaching nearer and nearer ; atlength it cuts the skin of his body, and gradually cuts on, until life is extinct. It way be doubted if the holy office in itft mercy ever invented a more hu mane and rapid method of exterminating heresy, or ensuring confiscation. This, lei it be remembered, was a punishment of the secret tribunal, Al D. 1820 i! !*—Llorenti'd* History of the Inquisition, $c. 1 Mrsi. Electa Whitmore, wife of Mr. Josepj Whitmore, merchant, living near the Bril Lord Tender-heart, and let the consent of Factory, in EaSt-Iladdahs, beingin th his father be obtained. Let the old lady who brought up Heavenlietta be sent for to their wedding. Let the grand papa be smit ten with her charms and marry her. Let them all be happy. Let these ingredients be carefully mixed together, with a considerable quantity, of honey and sugar—stuff the whole composi tion with sentiment, and let your garnish consist of zephyr’s wing9, cupid’s darts, and other light tnfles, And you will not fail to produce as sweet a novel as one would wish to see on a summer’s day.—Ladies Garland. FROM THE LITERARY MAGNET. THE TOUCHY LADY. One of the most unhappy persons whom I dured. Mrs. B ! the brow began to wrinkle I this article, which is very likely, for she is it has been my fortune to encounter, is a J —but it was the night before the wedding, J addicted to hew publications, and thinks her- pretty woman of thirty, or thereabouts, healthy, wealthy and of good repute, with a fine house, a fine family, and an) excellent I his nephew, in the shape of a superb set o husband. A solitary calamity menders all I emeralds,. and by ’ a fortunate mistake, she these blessings of no avail: the gentlewo-1 had taken it into her head that B., in the man is touchy. The affliction has given a I present case stood for Basil, so that the loss color to her whole life. Her biography has I of dignity being compensated by an in- a certain martial dignity, like the history of I crease of elegance, she bore the shock a nation: she dates from battle to battle, pretty well. It was not till the next mom- til whose death that fearful diminution of intend ♦q'try the effect of non-intercourse her consequence, the Mrs. B. must be en-1 and to break with her outright. If she reads dured. Mrs. B ! the brow began to wrinkle I this article, which is very lik« —but it was the night before the wedding, j addicted to new publications, a the uncle had made some compensation for I self injured if a book is put into her hands [the crime of being born thirty years before j with the leaves cut—if she reads only half a page, she wiU inevitably have done with me for ever. If not, there can hardly be any lack of a sufficient quarrel in her com pany ; and. then, when we have ceased to speak or to courtsey, and fairly sent each other to Coventry,'there can be no reason and passes her days in an interminable civil *<war. The first person who, long before she could speak, had the misfortune to offend the young lady, was her nurse; then, in quick succession, four nursery maids, who were turned away, poor things! because * Miss Anne could not abide them; then her ■ brother Harry, by being bom, and diminish- I ag her importance; then three governesses: J then two writing masters; then one music Y mistress; then a whole school. . On leav- . * ing school, affronts multiplied, of course; \and she has been in a constant miff with ser vants, tradespeople, relations, and friends ever since; so that although really pretty, (at least she would be so if it were not for a standing frown and a certain watchful, defying look in her eyes,)'decidedly clever and accomplished, and particularly charita ble, as far as giving money goes, (your ill .tempered woman’has often that redeeming / grace) she is known only by her one absorb- ’ing quality of touchiness, and is dreaded , and hated accordingly, by every one who bus the honour of her acquaintance. ” Paying her a visit is one of the most for midable things that can be imagined, one of the trials which, in a small way, demand the greatest resolution. It is so difficult to find what to say. You must make up your mind fo the affair as you do when going into a shower bath. Differing from her is ob viously pulling the string; and agreeing with her too often or too pointedly is nearly as bad; she then suspects you of suspecting her infirmity, of which she has herself a glimmering consciousness, and treats you with a sharp touch of), it accordingly. But 'vwhat is there that she will not suspect 1 Ad- lire the colors on a ne'vfo carpet, and she "inks you are looking "at some invisible Je; praise the patt/m of a morning'cap, le accuses you {of thinking it too gay. yi ingf mijtyjpf perverseness, which why we should not be on as civil terms as ing, during the ceremony, that the full ex-j if the one lived at Calcutta and the other at tent of her misery burst upon her, and she found that B. stood not/ for Basil, but for Benjamin. Then the veil fell off; then foe full horror of her situation, the affront of I being a Mrs. Benjamin, the face; and certainly but for the accident of her being struck dumb by indignation, she never wotdd have married a man so ig nobly christened. Her fate has even been worse than then appeared probable; for her husband, an exceedingly popular and con vivial person, was known all over his own country by the familiar diminutive of his ill omened appellation; so that she found her self not merely a New York. Approved mode of Novel making. 1 Wreck a ship or. overtun a coach. Let stared her full in | there be an interesting young woman, with a child in her arms, saved from the perils of drowning dr overthrown. Let her faint— cause her to be carried into the house of a kindhearted old lady, , who puts her into a warm bed, and gives her some weak brandy and water. Let the young woman die! Examine her pockets—'find in one, a letter, written, to her probably, by her husband, with the address and signature both tom off; Mrs. Benjamin, but aim the other a curious old thimble, 4r pencil Mrs. Ben, the wife of a Ben. Morley, jun. I case, or locket, or any thing you please, Esq. the future mother of a Ben. Morley I provided it be tbp only one of its kind in the the third. Oh, the Miss Smith, the Ann, I world. Let the baby smile. Let the old INSTINCT. It is the custom in boarding houses to give notice of the hour of meals by ringing a bell. A cat belonging to a house being accus tomed to get his food in the dining room, soon became attentive to the sound that sum moned the family to the parlour. It hap pened one day that he had been shut up in a room, and was therefore- prevented from at tending to the voice of the anxiously ex pected bell; and on being released from his prison some hours after, he immediately hastened to the dining room, but unfortu nately every thing had disappeared, and the poor cat found himself obliged to go with out his breakfast. Towards the middle of the day the bell was suddenly heard ringing, and the servants running out to ascertain the cause, they found the cat hanging by the rope, and pulling it with all his might, in hopes of summoning the family to a second repast. An anecdote of the same nature is told of a dog that was brought up in a religious es tablishment When it happened that any of the community came in late, and wished to have something to eat, he rang a small bell, on which the cook passed him Out his portion by means of a sliding box which turned in the wall.—The dog had attentively observed these movements, being in the ha bit nf watching at the spot in hopes of get- ting some bones as his share. Not, how ever, being satisfied with these chance meals, he took it into his head, one day that he had been rather scantily supplied, to pul the bell by dragging the cord with his mouth The cook supposing it was one of the per sons of the house, passed out a portion which the dog instantly took possession of, and thus satisfied his appetite. This musement so struck his fancy, that he re peated the trick the following day, and thenceforth paid his court to no one, depen ding upon his own ingenuity for his meals The cook however, observing that he was daily called upon for an extra portion, made a cdtnplaint upon the subject, and after re peated examinations and inquiries on the subject, our thief was caught in the act, just as he was pulling the bell after his usual manner. The director of the house was sb pleased with the animal’s ingenuity, that he ordered the cook to prepare a portion on purpose for him, thus allowing him to con tinue to enjoy the fruits of his industry. even the Nancy, shrank into nothing when lady vow to bring it up. compared with that short word. I Let-the babe become a Neither is she altogether free from mis fortunes on her side of the house. There is a terrible misalliance in her own family.—j Her favourite aunt, the widow of an officer, with five portionless children, became, one] fair morning, the wife of a rich mercer, ui Let years roll on. lautifol young wo- tufea By met his de a .level. The [evidently taboo, am-. . . (me but she is o) bogs is well known, h nine I " | discovery of human bodie.‘ai so tal »of preservation, in those 0 nartic mg on the ady to be JtPp JKfmx man. Let her hair be auburn—her eyes celestial blue—her mouth like rubies-^her teeth seed pearl—her cheeks such ad to make roses and fillies wither with envy— her form sylph like—her steps elastic—her manners dignified yet simple—and let her Cheapside, thus, at a stroke, gainings com-1 be unconscious of her beauty, though she fort and losing caste. The manner in which I is beauty’s self.* . f ’ thi9 affected poor Mrs. Ben. Morley, is in- Let the old lady have kindly instructed conceivable. She talked of the unhappy [her in drawing—and nature in singing—and connexion, as aunts are wont to talk when let her be a proficient ht both, neices get paired at Gretna Green; wrote a Let a noble and his lady come to live in formal renunciation of the culprit, and has the neighbourhood. Let the lady take a considered herself insulted ever since if any fancy to the beautiful Julietta, or Amoretta, one mentions a silk gown in her presence.— or Heavenlietta, or whatever name you have Another affliction brought on hy her own I selected for ber. Let her go to London family, was the production of a farce by her with the nobleman and his lady. Let their brother Harry, (bora for her plague,) at only son, Lord Tenderheart, fall in love Convent Garden theatre. The farce was with the beautiful Heavenliette* Let her damned, as the author (a clever young Tem- fall in love with him, but let her fancy he plar,) declared, most deservedly. He bore is engaged to another lady. Let him go a- the catastrophe with great heroism, and ce- broad without having come to any explana- , lebrated its downfal by venting sundry good tion. Let her become pale, and interesting- puns, and drinking an extra bottle of claret; ly pensive. Let her goto balls and routs, leaving to Anne, sister Anne, the pleasant and make innumerable conquests. Let her employment of fuming over his discomfiture, | a task which she performed con amore.— I Actors, manager, audience and author, se-1 venteen newspapers, and three magazines, had the misfortune to displease her on this occasion; in short, the whole town. Thca- j dance most beautifully) though she had nev er learned a step. Let her have masters in French, Music, and Italian. Let her refuse 7 or 8 offers, some of them unexceptiona ble ones. Let her goto the masquerade. Let one of her rejected admirers run away with newspapers) critics and the drama (her, and cany her to a dismal looking bouse l*t\ , . - < ,^,\ r i Power of the JWuscles.—One of the most wonderful properties of the muscles is the extraordinary force they exert, although they are composed of such slender threads or fibres. The following facts in relation to this point, are demonstrated by M. Borel- ii, in his work De Motu Animalium. When a man lifts, with his teeth, a weight of two hundred pounds, with a rope fastened to the jaw teeth, the muscles named Temporalis and Massetes, with which people chew, and which perform this work, exert a force of above fifty thousand lbs. weight. If any one hanging his arm directly downwards lifts a weight of twenty pounds, and bears that weight, he exerts a force of about three thousand lbs. When a man, standing upon his feet, leaps or springs forward to the height of two feet, if the weight of such man be one hundred and fifty pounds, the muscles employed in that action, will exert a force two thousand times greater; that is to say, a force of about three hundrec thousand pounds. The heart, at each pulse or contraction, by which it protrudes the blood out of the arteries into the veins exerts a force of above a hundred thousand pounds.—Dick’s Christian Philosopher, The Inquisition in 1820.—The following fact shows that the inquisitors of our own days do not fall below the standard of those who followed the fanatic Torqqemada:— **** was present when the inquisition was thrown open, in 1820, bji the order of the year o f her age, is now the mothel of Daughters, alL sprightly acii^e'cYnldrcn, [two of whom are married and have milies,)—all bora at single births, and all five—and never had a son. Just the num ber that Jacob had sons by his two wives and their two handmaids, and just the num ber of the Twelve Apostles. It is wished that tlifc next dozen may be all sons. It irbelieved that there is not another in stance like the above stated, in foe State of Connecticut, if in the United States. N. A late Bordeaux paper relates the c- ing singular occurrence in the n^fobour- hood of that city-—An old woma^ivho had formerly kept a hotel, avowed tcher con fessor that she had amassed a Argo sum of money which she kept in hr house Soon after this confession madqat the tri bunal of penitence, she permifod an old postilion who had formerly liv/d with her 11 o’clock^’ ,Al.r of V»»>r to sleep in her house,^ Aboi at night some one knocked ifodly at her door - and asked in a pitiful voile to be ud- mittt j? l h> her hospitality for the* night. Be-^ lieving herself safe by having the postil1ees3 in the house; the woman opened th Ectedf when in rushed -hidden and armed with pistolsr,* me your money drl wiiyrnstantlj ^ ~ The poor woman at first was almostJapp ened to death, but gaining a little court conducted the robber into the chamlA where the postillion was sleeping ; he having heard them coming in, hid hirr?self beh ind the curtains. My money is in that closet,” said the womkn at the same time showing an old piece of furniture almost hidden by a pile of linen; The robber, lay ing his pistols on the table, prepared to take possession of her richbs, but the postillion who had observeAAiis movements, with great sang froiq/T^k one of foe pistols and shot him de&ffin the spot. On taking off foe mask, tWrobber was discovered to be no other than the confessor, to whom the good woman had told her secret!—The postillion immediately proceqded to foe Mayor’s and gave himself up until foe affeif can be investigated. We wait for furthef particulars, says the paper, before we name the confessor, and the place where this ter rible drama was acted. 4 m From A Sprinrjield Paper. A man Who is now keeping alarge school, within six miles of our office, and who. has kept three seasons before, at $26 per month, lately gave the following questions :— Q. How many New England states are there. Ans. Twenty-three. Q. Which is the largest state in the Union? Ans. Philadelphia is thelargest, but Ne\y York does the most business. Q. What part of speech is the word best —e. g. he is the 6w/pxan in town ? AnSVsA regular,neuter verb—indicative* mood, present tehse, third person singular, and agrees with he—a verb mysV agree wi :h its nomitive case in number and person! Q. What is seven times nine ? Ans. Eighty-one. Spell benefit. Ans. Bennifit. Q. Spell Beneficial. Ans. Bennificial. Q. Spell Wednesday. Ans; Yrendesday. Q. Spell Tuesday. Ans. Teusday. We solemnly assure our readers, that ve- ly many of the persons 1 who keep our com mon schools, winter after winter, are men wh o are thus qualified. And they are ofter/ men too, who have had the advantages of academical instruction, and can show sundry certificates from clergymen and Selectmen, that they are qualified to keep an English school. We have no interest, save an in terest in common with every other citizen, in /this matter. llorses fed with Milk.—-Maj. Denham relates that the TibbooS, in central Africa, keep their horses entirely on the miik of the camel, grain being too scarce and of too high a price to be employed for that use. The milk i9 given to these aifo."* mds, sweet or sour, and this traveller saya he never saw norsesin a better condition. To expunge faults where there are no ex cellences, is a task equally useless with, that of the chemist, who employs the art of separation and refinement upon ore in which no precious metal is contained to toward his operations. #1