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POST?.?. FROM THE GEORGIAN. LIFE. All! what is life!—a sickly glare Of light, that fleetly passes on; One hasty moment meets it here, And ah, another finds it gone: ’Tis like the passing summer cloud, That hangs awhile in silent heav’n, When, hark! the thunder’s crash is heard, And lo! the mist is riven. Ah! what is life!—’tis like the foam, That frets awhile on ocean’s wave, Then curls upon its crumbling comb, And sinks within its watery grave: ’Tis like a passing breath of air-— ’Tis like a snow flake on the river, Now, for a moment, floats it there, Now melted is forever. Ah! what is life!—’tis like the dew That softly falls in silent night, To bathe the thirsty mountain’s brow, Tbcr flee away with early light: ’Ti. like the radiant, beauteous bow, T* l spans the stormy clouds of even, Cr, ... >qtant brightly there to glow, * nisli into heaven. ''iilgliiMF.RRYFET.LOW. Tj? 4 ! would-be sapient cried, jj aj^fine who laughs at ine: •. . -o'! a sneering friend rdfftied, mindsan<v you must be. ’• JFWtRation'-*— 'ennHee of an extravagant Shrew's Husband. ollow thy fortune ” a Termagant cries, i Vhose lavish expense caus’d the evil:) fiat were quite obliging,” the husband replies, For my fortune has gone to the D—1!” FROM BLACKWOOD’S MAGAZINE. tv\f.nty-onE MAXIMS TO MAURY BY, AD TO THE SINGLE GENTLEMEN. To be thus, is nothing, lut to be safety thus!”—Shakesptar. I no tltaf was of woirial Whitechapel, just asStJoti its a kinsman that was a clerk in the Victualling office—pro vided he deserved it, or you took it into your head that it was convenient to do it! Besides, a nice woman is worth all the mo ney in the Bank. What would you do with it, after you had it, but give it all for one? Please your taste, my children; and so that you get an honest woman, and a pleasing one, to the devil send the remainder. And then, to guide your choice, take the.follow ing maxims. Those who have brains, will perceive their value at a glance ; and such as are thick-headed, can read them three or four times over. And let such not be too hastily disheartened ; for it is the part of wit, (and of this Magazine,) to bear with dullness; and one comfort :s, when you have at last beaten any thing into a skull of density, the very devil himself can hardly ever get it out again. “ We write on brass,” as somebody or other observes, and some where, “ less easily than in water ; but the impression, once made, endures forever.” MAXIM T.~ Now, in making marriage, as in making love—and indeed in making most other things—the beginning it, that is. the diffi culty. But the French proverb labout be ginning—“ C’est le premier pas Oui coute ” goes more literally to the, arrangement of marriage; as our English wdil illustrates j the condition of love,—“ The firs t step over, the rest is easy.” Because, in the marry ing affair, it is. particularly, the “ first step ” that “ costs ”—as to your cost you will find, if that step happens to go the wrong way. And most men, when they go about the busi ness of wedlock, owing to some strange de- [lusiqn, begin the affair at the wrong end. They take a fancy to the white arms— (sometimes only to the kid gloves)—or to the neat apcles of a particular school girl, rind conclude, from these premises, that she is just the very woman of all the world to scold houseful of servants, and to bring up dpzen children ! This is a convenient de- a safe one. Plea- nest man’s wi n, habit is always strongeiV&an rcaso ■MAXIM VI. But til greatest point, perhaps, to be aimed at\n marrying; is ^to know, before marriage, What it is thatyew'have to deal with. YA are quite sure to know, fast enough; arorrirards. Be sure, therefore, that you ctmpience the necessary inquisi tions before yd* have made up your mind,and not as people gta&ally do, after* Remem her there is no uso in watching a woman that you love; because she can’t do any thing; do what she vill, that will be dis agreeable to you. And still less, in ex amining a woman thailoves you; because fot the time, she will quite sure not to do aiiy thing that ought t> be disagreeable to you. I have known'a hundred perfect tigresses as playful as kittens, quite more obliging than need be, kinder sueh circum stances. It is not a bad way, maid or widow, when you find irourself fancying a woman, to make her be ieve that you have an aversion to her. If me has any conceal ed good qualities, they are pretty sure to come out upon such a N:'BF~ ■ knew a good fellow in fell my life, ( diction, but not always bt,;dome way or other, the dripe|*\nt ? likfe Dr. Maculloch’s deductions in ly; ano are g bridled other. If a go out ofvhum.1 writes, what If he grimes lavish upon dour, wit, good keeps them ab One man is an ass unconscious- ier with,his eyes open ; but all that I e j-Y-Ii ... - !-1 his Political Economy; but generally wrong. — — j r —, , Let; not; the creaking of shoes, nor the lor ^any thing, are saddled and I rustlingVtjf silk, betray the poor heart,” as sontp .^ray, and at some time or Shakespe^r 'says, &c. &c. “to woman!”— Implying thereby, that red sashes and lace ellow drinks, it is-.because he is flounces are hut as things transitory ; and If he [that , she who puts ornnmeuts of gold and silvpr upon her own bead, may be a “ crown to her husband”—and yet not exactly such a “ crowu” as King Solomon meant a vir tuous woman should be. He that has ears to hear—(while he has nothing worse than ears)—let him hear! A word to the wise holly! Why then, after we have I should he enough. There are some particu women, which we all of us do, and Ilar qualities now and then very likely to it out that they are no more to be trust- [lead a gentleman on the sudden to make a than fresh caught monkeys, which the j lady his wife; and, after she has become so, bestof usare very likely to do, what does it) very likely again to make him wish that X with Some woman. a’uoutybut woman? I why is it, but to get money to I ier? For all his courage, ar-l ity, good temper, and all other I ties that he possesses, woman open market, and can engross I dome to after all but this, that they are the ^evil’s plagues of our lives—and we must -fliave them ? y j —‘— . „ v - abouts,” and good for any thing, you’ll cer tainly become attached to some woman; and—you’ll find I’m right, so take warning in time; depend upon it, it had better be to an honest one. It’s Cockney taste, lads nasty paltry Bond-street stuff, to be seen driving about in a cabriolet with the mistress of half the town. And, for the attachment, never flatter yourselves that you are certain to get “ tired ” of any woman with whom you constantly associate. Depend upon it, you are a great deal more likely to become very inextricably fond of her. Kick it all out of doors, the stale trash, that men are naturally “indifferent” to their wives. How the deuce should a fine woman be the worse for being one’s wife ? And are there not five hundred good reasons, to every body but a puppy, why she must be the better ? Then, as you must all of you be martyred, they had made her anybody else’s. MAXIM II. White arms, and neat ancles, bring me consideration of beauty. For, don’t sup pose, because I caution you against all dis habilles, that I want to fix you with a wor thy creature, whom it will make you ex tremely ill every time you look at. No. leave these to apothecaries, lawyers, and such generally, -as mean to leave money behind them when they die. - You have health—a competence—a handy pull at nose, or a trigger: let them grovel. For the style of attraction, please yourselves my friends. I should say a handsome figure, if you don’t get both advantages, is ^better than a merely pretty face. I don’t mean by “ handsome figure,” forty cubits high, and as big round as the chief drayman at Meux’ brew house. But finely formed and set Good eyes are a point never to be overlook ed. Fine teeth—full, well proportioned limbs—don’t cast these away for the sake suffer in respectable company. Many 11 of a single touch of the small pox, a mouth boys—it's a danger; but, though it is a dan- something too wide, or dingles rather ger, it is the best. It is a danger! I always deeper on side than the other. feel thankful when a man is hanged for kill ing his vrife; because I should not choose MAXIM HI. It may, at some time, be a matter of con- injoc to kill a wife of my own; and yet the crying sideration, whether you shall many a maid of the “ dying speech;” “ for the barbarous j or a widow. As to the taste, I myself will and inhuman murder!” &c. &c.; is a sort give no opinion—l like both; and there are of warning to her; as one rat, losing his advantages and disadvantages peculiar to tail in the trap, frightens the whole granary I either. If you marry a widow, I think it full that is left. But, though marriage is a should be one whom you have known in the danger, nevertheless hazard it. Between lifetime of her husband; because, then ab evils, boys!—you know the proverb?—I actu ad posse—from the sufferings of the de choose the least. Marry, I say, all and each of you!—Take wives; and take them in good time, that “your names may be long in the land.” And then, seeing that you would, one and all of you, have wives; comes the question, how you should go about to get them ? Then, in the first place, I shall assume, that he who reads this paper, and marries, marries for a wife. Because, if he wants a “ fortune ” to boot, or a “ place,” or to be allied (being aplebian) to a “ titled family,” the cause is out of my metier; he had better apply to an attorney at once. Don’t make these things indispensable, any of you, if you can help it. For the fortune, a hundred to one when you get it, if it does not over ride you with “ settlements,” and “ trusts,” and whole oceans of that sort of imperti nence, which every proper man should keep clear of. No woman ought to be able to hold property independent of hef husband. And, if that is not the law, all 1 can say is, that it jought to be so. Then, for the “ Place ”—it’s very well to have a place, where you can get one—but it must be the very devil to have the donor eternally, all your life afterwards, reminding you how you came by it. And, for the “ titled fami ly,” why, shut thq. book this minute, and to read another quoit a bro- was* “right honourable,” occasion. Take caryj nevertheless, how you tqake use of this suggestion ; because; right or Wttrng, it is the very way to mrike the poor : joul fall furiously and fatally in love with rou, Vulnus alit vents, et ccecc caipitur t; ni ! T MAXIM VII. In judging where to look for a wife; that is, for the lady who is to form the “ raw material, 1 ” of one, very great caution is ne cessary. And you can’t take any thing bet ter winyyori, in looking about, as a general principle, than that good mothers commonly make tolerably good daughters. Of course, therefore; you won’t go, of consideration prepense, into any house where parents are badly connected, or have been badly con ducted. Nor upon any account at all, into any house where you don’t quite feel, that f you don’t conduct yourself properly, you’ll immediately be kicked out of it. This as surance may bo troublesome while you are only a visitor; hut, when you come to be one of the family ? you’ll find it mighty con venient. If you can find any place where vice and folly have been used to be called by their right names, stick to that by all means; there are seldom more than two such in one parish; and if you see any com mon rascal let into a house where you visit as readily as yourself, go out of it immediately. MAXIM VIII. Mind; but I need hardly caution you of this,—that you are not taken in with that paltry, bygone nonsense about; “if you marry, marry a fool.” Recollect that the-greatest fool must be sometimes out of your sight; and that she will yet carry you (for all purposes of mischief) along with her. A shrew may want her nails kept short; but if you keep a strait waistcoat in the house, you may always do this yourself. ' •A.oW j»: aalr- •f-irow«tyTlllcc your bleating innocents,” a prey to the first wolf who chooses to devour her. MAXIM IX. At the same time, while you avoid a fool, fly, as you fly from sin and death, fly from a philosopher! It is very dangerous to weak minds, examining (farther than is duly deliv eied to them) what is right or wrong, never found any body yet who could dis tinctly explain what murder is, if put to a de finition. All who find their minds superior to c$>m mon rule and received opinion, value them selves onf original thinking, talk politics read Mary Wolstonecraft, or meddle with the mathematics; these are the unclean birds upo i whom the protecting genius of honest men has set his mark that all may know; and pray do you avoid them. .. .. . MAXIM x. If you marry an actress, don’t let her be a tragedy one. Habits of ranting, and whisking up and down with a long train be fore a row of “ footlamps,” are apt to cast an undue ludicrousness (when transplanted) over the serious business of life. Only im agine a castigation delivered to the cook, in “ King Cambyses’ vein,” upon the event of an under-done leg of mutton at dinner; or an incarnation of Helen M’Gregor, order ing the cat to be thrown alive into the cis tern, if a piece of muffin was abstracted without leave, at breakfast! MAXIM XI. If you do marry an actress, the singing girls perhaps are best; Miss Paton, I think seems very soft, and coaxing, and desirable I myself should prefer Kitty Stephens to see why - you should embarrass yourself about any system of belief, so long as it of fends only against reason, aqd tends to the believer’s temporal advantage. 'V ' MAXIM XIV. At the same time, after the last sentence of the above exhortation, I need hardly tell you that you must not marry a Roman Cath olic. Indeed I suppose it would be a little too much for any of you, who read me, to fancy a pleasant gentleman claiming the right to catechise your wives in private? F or my part, God help any rascal who presumed to talk of law, human or divine, in my fami ly, except the law, which, like Jack Cade’s law, came “ out my mouth !” I know some thing of these matters, having once contem plated beiug a monk myself—in fact, I had stolen a dress for the purpose. On the same principle, (I rather think I mentioned this before,)—suffer no “ guardianships,” or “ trusteeships,” in your family, to disturb your reign, or fret your quiet. I kriew a ve ry worthy fellow, who, having *only a mar riage settlement brought to him, broke the solicitor’s clerk’s neck down stairs that brought it; and it was brought in “ Justifia ble homicide.” If a dog dares bub to bint that there is such a thing as “ parchment” in your presence, plump, and rib him. maxim xv. ' ? f I don’t think, by the way, that there ought to be any parchment, except the petitions to the' HousC of Commons, which are' cut up fo supply the tailors with measures This is useful. Messrs. Shiel,and O’Con nell’s work takes the dimensions of my per son once a month very accurately. I men tion this, because it has been said 1 that no measures, in which the work of those gen tlemen was concerned, ever could be taken accurately. MAXIM XVI. Talking of accuracy leads me to observe Dont marry any woman hastily at Brigh ton or Brussels, without knowing who she is and where she lived before she came there. And whenever you get a reference upon this or any other subject, always be sure and; get another reference about the person re- fered to. maxim XVII. Don’t marry any woman under twenty ; she has not come to her wickedness before that time. Nor any woman who has a red nose at any age ; because people make ob servations as you go along the street, A ‘ cast of the eye,’—-as the lady casts it upon you, may pass muster under some circum stances ; and I have even known those who thought it desirable; but absolute squinting is a monopoly of vision which ought not to be tolerated. MAXIM XVIII. Talking of “ vision,” reminds me of an absurd saying,—That such or such a one can “ see as far through a mill-stone as those that picked it.” I don’t believe that any man ever saw through a millstone but Jeremy Bentham ; and he looked through tirc iota. MAXIM XIX. One hears a great deal about “ City taste; must say, I don’t think an Alderman’s rules—just beginning your instruction, each of you, how to get a wife—-are spoken out. And any directions how to manage one if they come at all, must come at some future opportunity. Just two words, however even upon this head ; for I would not leave you, upon any subject, too much unprovi ded. In the first place, on the very day after your marriage* whenever you do marry, take one precaution—be cursed with no more troubles for life than-you have bargained for. Call the roll of all your wife’s even speaking acquaintance, and strike out every soui that you have, or fancy you ought to have, or fancy you ever shall have, a glimpse of dislike to. Upon this point be merciless; your wife won’t hesitate, a hundred to one, between husband and a gossip; and, if she does, don’t line that ther-in-law with one impetus from Charing Cross to whether you shobld marry the widow of an honest man or a rascal. * Against the dan ger, that the last may have learned ill tricks, they set th sensible of a gentleman e, she will be more ntrast) to the kindness a man of honour. I funct, you may form some notion of what your own will be. If her husband is dead before you see her, you had better be off at once; because she knows (the jade!) what you will like, though she never means to do „ I _„ r _ it; and, depend upon it, if you have only an I any of them. Though she is a sad lazy slut inch of penchant, and trust yourself to look ~ ’ ” • * at her three times, you are tickled to a cer tainty. MAXIM IV. Marrying girls is a nice matter always; for they are as cautious as crows plundering a com field. You may “ stalk ” for a we6k, and never get near them unperceived. You hear the caterwauling, as you go up stairs, into the drawing room, louder than thunder; but it stops-—as if by magic ! the moment a (marriageable) man puts his ear to the key hole. I don’t myself, I profess, upon prin ciple, see any objection to marrying a widow. If she upbraids you at any time with the vir tues of her former husband, you only reply; that you wish he had her with him, with all your sbul. If a woman, however, has had more than throe husbands, she poisons them; avoid her. maxim v. In widow-wivinsr, it maybe a question —won’t l.qam a line, and sleeps all day up on the sofa! But I’m a teacher; and therefore the less I parade my own practice, at least so the belief goes, the better. MAXIM XII. Be sure, wherever you choose, choose a proud woman. All honesty is a kind of pride ; or at least three-fourths of it. No people do wrong, but in spite of themselves they feel a certain quantity of descent and self degradation : the more a woman has fo forfeit, the less likely she is to forfeit any thing at all. Take the pride, although you have the virtue; the more indorsements you get, even on a good bill, the better. MAXIM XIII. I don’t think the Saints, after all is said and done, are the worst people in the world to match among. Nine-tenths of the mischief that women do arise less from ill design than from idle, careless, vagabond if fells out commbnly among the levity. great card players, and play bhnters; very little among the Methodists and Presbyteri- Of course, you won’t contract for any thing beyond going to church fhree times a day; and such like public professions of faith and feeling. But for the rest, I don’t daughter by any means (quia Cornhill mere ly) objectionable. A fine girl may be char ming, even though her father should be a Common Councilman—Recollect this. maxim xx. On the question of getting an insight in to matters before marriage, if possible, I have dropped, a word alreadyIf is a point of very great importance, and there are twe or three modes in which, you may take your chance for accomplishing it. If you are up to hiring yourself into any house as a cham bermaid—it requires tact, and close shaving but it would put you into the way of finding out a thing or two.. I “ took up my livery” once as a footman, and I protest I learned so much in three weeks, that I would not have married any female in the family.—An old maiden aunt or sister, if you have one, is capable of great service. She will see more of a tomboy in five minutes than you would in six months ; because, having been in the oven herself, she knows the way. On the other hand, there is the danger that she may sell you to some estate that she thinks lies convenient; or even job you offto some personal favorite, without the consideration of any estate at all. The punic faith of all agents—and especially one’s own relatives is notorious. MAXIM XXI. On the subject of accomplishment, it is hardly my business to advise. I leavp a great part—the chief part—upon this point, to your own fancy. Only don’t have any waltzing, nor too much determined singing of Moore’s songs ; there is bad taste, to say the best of it in all such publicities. For music, I don’t think there is a great deal gained by a woman’s being able to make an alarming jangle on the p^ano-forte, parti' cularly under that unmerciful scheme of “ Duetts,” in which two tyrants are enabled to belabour the machine at the same time. Dancing, a girl ought to-be able to execute well; but: don’t go where any Monsieur has been employed to give the instruction. As dancing is on art to be acquired merely from imitation, a graceful female—being the precise thing to be imitated—must be a far more efficient teacher than even Mr. Kick the-Moon himself can be. Besides, I don’t like the notjnm of a d—d scraper putting a a girl of thirteen into attitudes; If I were tocateh (tbsllet-master capering in ttiy house I’d qualify the dog to lead in the opera be fore he departed. N. B.—Now we are on the subject of dancing, don’t on any account many a ‘ lively? young lady. That is, in other words, a * romp.’ That is, in other words, a woman tvho has been hauled about by half your ac quaintance. And now my friends, thy first twenty-one don’t you. Be particularly sharp upon the list of women; Of course, men, you would frankly kick any one from Pall-Mall to Pim lico, who presumed only to recollect ever having seen her. And don’t Re manoeuvred out of what you mean, by cards 1 , or morning calls, or any no tion of what people call good breeding.” Do you be content to show your ill breeding by shutting the door, and the visitors can show their good breeding by not coming again. s Orie syllable;more to part; if you wish to be happy yourself, be sure that you must make your wife so. Never dispute with her where the question is of no importance ; nor where it is of the least consequence, let any earthly consideration ever once induce you to give way. Be at home as much as you can ; be as strict as you will, but never speak unkindly ; and never have a friend upon such terms in your house, as to be able to enter it without ceremony. Above all, remember that these maxims' are, intrusted to all of you, as to persons of reason and discretion. A naked sword on ly cuts the fingers of a madman; and the rudder with which the pilot saves the ship, iu the hands of the powder monkey, would only probably force her upon 4he rocks. Recollect, that your inquest as to matrimo ny, is a matter of, the greatest nicety ; be cause, either an excess of vigilance, or a de ficiency, will alike compromise its success. If you dont question far enough, the odds are ten to one that you get a wife who will disappoint-you. If you question a jot too far, you will never get a wife at all. •A Contented jMtJid.—An old sailor, who was brought u(k at Westminster Sessions for riotous conduct at the admirsdity, wljpto it appeared, had been placed in Greenwich*! Hospital, but had too much fight in hiip tp. keep quiet, -after having undergone a long" examination, and made several very uncoui- teous answers to the questions put to him, became rather violent in his language, when the Chairman remarked :•—“ If you are sent to a gaol, you will be placed under prison discipline, and be-ke«£~on bread arid water. Really let me advise you not to act 80 vio lently.”—Prisoner—“ Well, Sir, you may do as you like ; but mind me, Sir, ‘ Jl con tented mind is a constant feastf Why, curse it, it is no use to send me down'for three or four days, after beiqg twenty eight years in the service : send me down for life at once, and then I’ll have,something to trust to.” Inscnption at .flora.—The following in scription is written in large characters on the principal gate of the City of Agra, in Hindostan; “In the first year of King Julef, 2,000 couple were divorced by the magistrates, by their mutual consent. The Emperor learning this, was so indignant, that he abolished divorce. The folio win year the number of marriages at di minished 3,000—the number of adulteries increased 7,000—3000 women were burnt for poisoning their husbands—75 men were burnt for killing their wives—and the value of their furniture broken and destroyed was three millions of Rupees. The Emperor re-established the law of divorce.—India Journal. / Tailor’s Cabbage.—In the Sovereign’s Court, Belfast, a few days ago, a tailor sum moned a baker for not paying his demand for making two coats for him. The man of flour, in his defence, declared, that he had been robbed by the tailor, who had taken one quarter of the cloth! To prove this, he said he weighed the cloth in his scales, and it was as follows :—Weight of cloth given to the tailor, October 31, twelve pounds two ounces : weight of the two coats returned, made up, nine pounds one ounce and a quarter ; manifest deficiency, or amount of cabbage, three pounds and three quarters of an ounce. The tailor pleaded the shreds and cutting : but the baker argued that thix buttons and thread, and lining and wadding^ made up all that could be reasonably deduc ted on that score. Finally, the point in dispute was left to arbitration.—Eng. paper* We have met with many epistles, which were written with such apparent contempt for common sense, that we were exceeding ly puzzled to divine the meaning of the au thor, but we have rarely read one, which manifests such an utter disregard for ortho- graphy, etymology, and every rule of gram- ; mai, as the following; business letter, which was received some time feince by a friend.-— N. J. Eagle. ^ . “ Sir I Called at —— this Day te tak Up my note I Could not git It Sir now I think you have had me for a full Loqg anuff to Run to Collect yeur Dept he will not give me tbe tiote Til you Setel With,him I'will not bee your Lacy boy afty longer to hoe Laft at her.re Is 3 yhan, yen Rave Cep me. Runea Lijte a Dart full.” y .« T • this from a friehff .J. to— ■