Newspaper Page Text
FUNNY PARAGRAPHS.
Parlor matches—Courting in the
drawing room.
Ought a woman lo kiss n tobacco
chevver 1 Yes, il she claws.
A Utah wedding purngniplt onys
“iho bride was toggid out in white
gauze.”
Man born of woman is o( but few
days, but thv sdl-mado man thinks
lie ought to live forever.
Four or Fivo mad dogs appeared
in lbvnn county recently, but, were,
killed befuro they did any damage.
A drunken negro sit ing on the
railroad .had his coal torn oil’ by a
train moving wistwnrd from coluni
bus a lew days ago.
There is no insane asylum in Ar
kansas, as the juris m that State
cither call it murder or justifiable
homicide,
Au Irishman on seeing a very small
c >(Tii> excl mned: “Is it possible that
collin was intended for any living
creature ?’’
Never let your children rise cmly
unless you want them logit i lie com
plaint that all curly birds arc sain t >
have.
The New Or’,ears Picoqunc thinks
that a man who bolts down his food
ought to be able to keep it on li s
stomach.
A young lady was asked recently
which slio preferred of two brother .
Sho lesponded: ‘‘When I am with
cither of them, / prefer the other,’
A Western newspaper, announcing
tlio decease of a person says: ‘Tlis
remains were committ and to that
bourne whence no traveler returns,
attended by a large coueotpse ol
friends.”
(tlias. ronde snvs that al' children
should be tauglit to have presence of
iniiul, but havn't h'ygol i, ? Catch
boy in the sugar box, and isn't lie
looking for flies? —[Detroit Free
Fie.-s.
A little fellow who was asked how
John the Ibiptist wa*clothed answer
ed : ‘'ln course garments made
oi camel's hair, eight locust and wild
honey.’’
A little chill was playing very
roughly with a cal, carrying it about
by the tail, wfa a her mother told her
that she would hurt it. “Why no I
won’t; I am carrying it by the ban
d'e,’’ she replied.
A T<mneS3C man can so perfectly
imitate the sounds made by two dogs
engaged in lighting that he can cull
a congregregatioa out of church in
three minutes.
Young men au 1 maidens who arc
holdiug back from getting married
until they arS rich enough, should
remember that Adam and Eve began
housekeeping without even a cream
jug-
It may bo po-siblc that a man,
aroused Irom sleep ut kmgi t by the
itlitrtn bells, can, unhurt, run
down stairs and pat on bis trousers
at the same time, but years of dis
astrous. experiment have fail and to pro
duce the individual.
Strange things happen in South
Colorado. A touri-t, by simply'
throwing a st me down the mountain
side made a snow slide slide, a cow
slip slip, a bn ter-tly fly; all of which
so amazed h at that, he started oil' on
a run, making his contdlap flap.
There are rumors that Kelly, the
meteor man lias turned his attention
•to a machine for s'idling pins through
.a starched shii t.
A victim of domestic infelicity,
•who is in the habit of dreaming,
should never go sleep in church.
A congregation near Quincy was
some what startled recently when a
vet-ran member excitedly yelled:
“Here, now—drop that skillet, old
woman.”
A gentleman sprang to assist her,
Amt picked up her muff and her wrister;
"Dal you fall, main he cried.
‘ Do you think,” she replied,
"I sat down for thefunof it, mister?’’
An old lady in Newport, R. 1., was
talking of old t tries, and told lire fol
io xvin<g ol a former belle ol Newport,
Miss Sallie Camplin: “She was a
great lu anty, and had rejected a greut
many line offers, when one day there
came a proud gentleman, ulio, inert
ing the same Into did not take it so
meekly ms the others, and asked for
some definite reason. Sally was used
to a very different manner, and she
turned upon him sharply, ‘Sir, you
seem to think that it is a very won
dertul thing for a man to be rejected.
1 have received twenty offers from
this very sofa, sir.’ ” Ono of the list
eners enquired: “What became ol
ot tne man after this!” “He be
come Miss Sally’s husband.”
IP. A. SINGLETON, Ell if: Pmp'r.
m
vol :>.
tii mu an a r/x
BY C.Utniß V. SHAW.
They lie together in tin slmdo,
These graves of ruino,
Just where tlio light from sun or moon
Will. never shine:
Among the silent shadows there
.-1 sou her liue.
You ask who lie within tlieso graves?
My summer friends
The friends who fade and fall away
When summer ends;
The friends whoso warmth is but the glow
That summer lends.
With my own bands I made their graves.
I could not hear
That other eyes should see my dead
Ho falsely fair.
I laid the cypress on their hearts,
And left them there.
And that was nil. With sobbing heart,
Tears falling fast,
On the dead friends that I loved
I look my last.
And buried tli .-in together with
A murdered past.
They could not stand the Change that comes
v\ hen summer wanes,
They could not bear the chill that comes
With autumn l-ains,
But fell like the dead leaves that fall
In woodland lanes, .
And so I shut them from my life,
For they wore dead—
As dead to me as though they slept
On earth's cold bed,
,\s though the red leaves drifted deep
O’er feet and bead.
1 know von tell rue, these lost friends
1 loved so dear
Will come again, when summer and
The birds appear.
llow can they come when I have laid
Them, buried,here?
Phantoms may come, with face, like
My cherished (lead.
But they can only bring a scu;o
Of loss an.l dread—
Never age in can they be m rro
Than I have said.
I could not w ish t > see thera-now
Nor hear a sonnet
From their false lips that might revive
Tile old, sad wound.
I lTriei (blip's cemetery they
Have each a mound.
And yet the old. old sickening sense
Of pain and 10-s
Wiil come, and lonely eyes will gaze
The gulf across,
As il to seek some signal there
5 That they might civ .
But, i ' there is a pitying God,
I trust that Ho
Will keep them always from my sight—
So tar from me
Teat, should I yearn for them in death,
Tlmy might not see.
But, should they think of me, when death
Is drawing nigh
Should cal! for me with faltering breath
And dimming eye,
Think you that all earth’s kingdoms could
Prevent reply ?
Chicago Ledger,
Etiquette of Conversation.
T)o not manliest impatience.
I)o not interrupt another while
speaking.
Do not find fault, though you may
g-'htly criticise.
Do not talk of your private person
al and family math rs. •
Do not appear to notice inaccuracy
of speech in otb t:s.
Do not allude to unfortunate pe
culiarities of any one present.
Do not talk very loud. A firm,
clear, distinct, yet mild, gentle and
musical voice, has great power.
Do not be absent minded, requir
ing the speaker to repeat what has
been said that you may understand.
Do not try to force yourself into
tha confidence of others. If they
give their confidence never betray it.
Do not use profanity, vulgar term-,
slang phrases, words of double mean
ing or language that will bring the
blush to any one.
Do not intersperse your language
with foreign words and hig sounding
terms. It shows affectation, and will
draw ridicule upon you.
Do not carry on a conversation
with another in company about mat
ters which the general company
knows nothing of. It is almost as
impolite as to whisper.
Do not make a parade ol being ac
quainted with distinguished or
Wealthy people, of having been to
college or having visited foreign
lands. All this is no evidence of real,
genuine worth on your part.
DEMTOC 17 ATIG FA MILY ISTKWSI? /MP.T^IR,,
BURN A VISTA, MARLON COUNTY, GA., MAY 12, 1880.
a nia ii poster.
.Tulin 11. Craig, known ns the
“Hendrickscounty giant,” is in
linlniiapolis on his way to join a
circus in Minnesota. He was
born in, Kentucky, hour Frankfort,
an:! lias lived near Danville most
■of his life whore ho owns a line,
farm. Mr. Craig was :i the Cen
tennial Imposition, and while there
was presented with a tine badge
costing $12.5 by the Knights of
/’ythias, ot which he is a member.
In the inscription the lodges of
lied Men, Knights of / 3 ytliias, and
Independent, Order of Odd fel
lows till credit him wit! being the
largest member of tim-e ordets in
flic United Slates. Mr. Craig is
(> feet and -I inches in bight, weighs
720 pounds, measures G 1 inches
around the chest; around the waist
7S inches ; hip, SG inches ; thigh,
5G inches; calf, 23 inches; arm,
20 inches. There is considerable
trouble somet >: mrs in measuring
him for a suit of clothes. While
being measured for a coat yester
day by a tailor the latter had to
measutv>art of the way round
him, and then chalk it and take a
tiesli stait. Twenty one yards of
cloth am required tor a suit. His
hand is very small, only No.. 8'
glove being used, and a No. 9 shoe
covers his foot. Ilia hat meas
ures 7 3-S incites. Ms cannot
sleep) in an ordinary bed, and re
quires two chairs for seat.
His tnuclos are hard and he
posesses immense strenght While
traveling over the Alleghanoy
J/ountains, during a recent trip,he
sometimes stajled the horses while
climbing up the steep sides. Mr.
Craige is very jovial, wealthy, and
takes tilings e.isy, is kind-hearted
and noted for his benevolence
His wife is very large, weighing
307 pounds, is only 5 feet 2 inches
in height, and measures OS inches
around her waist.
TRAIN STIMULANT.
?’ e best possible thing for a
man t > do w en ho feels too weak
to cary anything through is to go
to bed and sleep as long as ho can.
Eliis is the only recuperation of
brain-power, the only actual re
cuperation of brain-force; be
cause duri g sleep the brain is in
a state of rest, in a condition to re
ccivo and appropriate particles of
nutriment from the blood, which
take the place of those which have
been consumed by previous labor,
since the very act of thinking
burns up solid particles, ns every
turn of the wheel or screw of the
feuel in the furnace. The supply
of consumed brain-suhstfUice can
otily be bad from the nutritive
mu tides in the blood which were
obtained from the I'ood eat n pre
viously, and the brain is so consti
tuted that it can best receive aid
appropriate to itself those nutri
tive particles during the state of
rest, of quiet, and stillness of sleep,
fi/ere stimulants supply nothing in
theinselvos; they goad tin brain
and force it to a greater consump
tion of its substance, until it is so
exhausted til t there is not powe
enough leit to receive a supply.—
Herald of Health.
Am pun can Rice.—Some attn ti n
lias lab ly been drawn to the large
importations of tore gn rice, caused
by the con.-umpt on of tins article in
America. Ii is nr.red that as rice i
an American production extensive
ly cultivated in South Carolina, Geor
gia, Florida and Lotiisaoa, the 1 irge
sum of mortov paid for foreign rice
might be saved by increasing tbo na
tive product. Tnere can be no
doubt of this, but the same argument
will apply with equal force to the
culture of'.sogar,.fine tobacco, sumac,
coffee, tea and a groat, variety of
other crops.. What the S-mth choo
ses to eul.irate it will adhere to, and
prosper in, and nothing else has tini .
far been successfully ut'g and in that
region. The important tiict seems
to bo over-looked that the great Com
mercial cities of Boston, New York,
I’ll ladelpbia a id Balt more, having
largo amounts of mercantile capital
embarked in the importation ot ad
the articles we have mentioned, while
New Orleans is the only Southern
city in command of adequate capital
aiding the production of peculiarly
Southern crops.—Germantown Tel
egraph.
Life is a stream which continually
flows down and' never returns. We
die daily, for each day takes away
some portion ot our life; the days
which are past are gone forever; the
present momenta only are ours,
A 3l ITO nr,A,MIX'
“Am I lo hi nne. nii.jjtcr?” naked
i young lid the other day, who had
joined u b’liipcrunoo.} society. llis
father mi l mother appeared to be
displo;ned with him. j After a long
silence, the boy broke North, “Am I
to blame, Mo'.lw-r? Sw’er Mary Inis
married a drunken husband, \vh->
abuses In r every day; Sister Susan's
husband was intemperate, urnl in
gone off’ and I ft her, and you arc
obliged to take her home and take
care, of her children, Brother Junto
coin -s holm: every night drunk; a; and
because I have joined the cold water
tiriny, nn.l you are likely t have one
Sober person in the family, you aiC
scolding me. Am Ito blame, motli-i
er ?”
The m -ther, oveic me by the ar
gument of her child, replied, “Yon
arc right, my boy. May God Lies
you, and help you to keep your good
i esolulion.”
BEPF-SA CRIF ICE,
Tin spirit of self-sacrifice is one of
the greatest b antics ol holiness.—
Husband yielding t> wife; wife to
husband; brother to brother; sister to
to sister; in great things, but in small,
especially. First and foremost sec
that tiie spirit is With you at home,
then carry it abroad in the worli. —
It is a spirit that will sweeten happi
ness and brighlt n trouble; and when
tho sou! is ready to v.ing its flight to
its ef wit 1 home it vv.il have this tin- j
speak a bio consolation of knowing ;
to its self; that it has left, the world j
happier and in better condition than
it found if; that it has been faithful |
to its earthly mission. So will it lU-i
ten with unutterable bliss to tho sen- j
tencc: “Well done, thou good an I j
faithful servant; enter thou into the
joys oftby Lord.”
Curious Vegetable in a Grave
—Some thirty years ago, says tho
Taunton Gasotte, an inter nent was
made in a cemetery in Swansev,
Mu in which the grnv> wu
laid with brick a" (he
and covered with ii flat sb'-w, her
metically sealed. Some twenty
five years subsequent the friends
had occasion to open the grave for
the purpose of removing the body
to another place of sepulchre. On
reaching the coffin a most singular
sight presented itself. Its entire
surface —top, bottom and sides —
was overgrown with a thread-like
vine, millions ol fibers.of which
had entwined themselves together
as completely as though braided
by artificial means, forming a net
ting one inch in thickness, and its
entire surface as even as th ugh
pressed out by some heavy weight.
The ends were covered, and the
cpffin had gone to decay, but wn,
kept together and raised from its
resting place and deposited in a
box intact through the vine above
mentioned. A piece of it about 6
inches square, was cut off, and is
now in posession of the father of
the deceased. Mr. William 11.
Wood, ofSwansey, in an excellent
stale of perservation. Ils color
was a dark brown. It is we'l
worth examination, With no
earth in the grave, it is a question
of some interest, where those vines
took their origin.
LOVING FRIENDS.
Never c mt aside your friends if by
any possibility yon can retain them.—
We are the weakest of spcndthi ifls
if We let one drop off llirough im.it
teiition, or let one push away anoth
er, or if wo hold alool from one
through petty jealousy or heedless
Slight or. roughness. Would you
throw away a diamond because it
pneked you ? One good friend is not
to ba weighed against the jewels of
the eaith. If there is coolncssor
Unkindness between u-3, let us come
face to face and have it out. Quick,
before the love grows cold! Life is
too short to quarrel in, or carry black
thoughts of lri< nds. It is easy to
lose a friend, but anew one will, not
conic for calling, nor make up fur the
old one.
WE CAN STUMP YOV.
On the road leading from the resi
dence of the late Judge Henry Cal
ier to Mr. Tom. Cartright's in the
so.u.t.hweS'Sei'ti part of Talbot-county,
nay be seen an oak slump about 3
feet liiglj, t!ie top of which has grown
over with wood and bark, and which
is iiotf alive, The tree was cut forty
years ago, when the road through
that Section was fir.-t cleared off. It
puts forth n > sprouts and gives ho
evidence of 1 ft*, save its green under
bark which remains in its normal
condition. It is quite a curiosity.—
Tulbotton Register,
USES OF THE LEMON.
This is th3 way an exchange sings
j flic praises of our favorite tho lemon,
i mill we would willingly join in the
[ chorus il there was one. Tho lemon
is a native of Asia, tilth nigh it is cul
tivated in 11 illy, Portugal and in the
s utii of France. In Ifurope, how
ever, it seldom exetds tho dimensions
of the smal c.-M tree while in ifs na
tive state it grows to over 90 lett in
j h'*ight, livery part of this tree is
! valuable in medicine, though we
i far, ly enq 1 >y any of it but its fmit,
that is, the 1 mou itself. And every
one knows how to employ this as in
lemonade: To squeeze the juice info
colil water, this is the shortest way,
or to cut in slices and lot it soak in
cold water; or to cut in slices and
ih n boil it. E thcr way is good.—
Lemonade is one of the best and
saf. st dtinks for any p. rson, wheth
er in good health or not. It is suit
able lor all stomach diseases, is ex
cellent in sickness—all classes ol
jaundice, gravel, liver complaint, in*
lint ion of trio bowels and fevers. It
is a specific against worms and skin
complaints. The pippins crushed may
also be used with water and sugar
and bo used as a drink. Lemon
juice is tho best antiscorbutic reme
dy known. It not only cures the dis
ease, but prevents it. Sailors make
a daily use of it f.-r this purpose. A
physician suggests rubbing tiie gums
daily with lemon juice to keep them
in health. The hands and nails are
also kept clean, white soft and sup
ple by the dai y use of the lemon in
st-ad of soap. It also prevents chil
blains. Lemon is used in intermit
tent fevers mixed with strong, Lot
black tea or coffee, without sugar.—
Neuralgia may bo cured by rubbing
iho part affected with a lemon. It is
vnloaM .toe*-, ’wait.-', and to destroy
dandruff on the head, by rubbing the
loot of tho hair with it. In fact its
uses arc manifold, and the more we
employ it externally the better we
shad tin el cursrives. Natural reme
dies are ihe best, and nature is our
best doctor if wc could on’y listen to
it. Decidedly, rub your hands, head
and gums with it, and drink lemon
ade in preference to ail other liquids.
Artesian Wells for Colorado.
The Committee on Public La,nds
iias reported favorably the bill intro
duced by Senator Hid, of Colorado,
providing for an appropriation of
$•‘>0,000 1 1 be used in sinking arte
sian wells in the arid regions of the
Rocky Mountains.
It is estimated that thc.ro are in
those regions live hundred ini lion
• ! aci‘es of government lands, now un
salable because of I heir aridity,
which could be converted into valun
b'c firming lands by irrigation, and
that such artificial watering is en
tinTy feasible by means ot artesian
wells. The government is asked to
pay the cost of the expel iniental
proof of tins position because it owns
t ie land, and private enterprise can
not bo expected to undertake ils im
prove m gut. It is asserted, however,
that having demonstrated ill: possi
bility ol reclaiming such lands, the
government will luivo no dillicnl
ty in sc ling the land to men who will
go on sinking wells at their own cost.
Mr Hill's bill provides lor the sink
ing of five wells, two on the east and
three on (he west of toe Rocky
Mountains, the sites to be selected
by the SiCretaryof the Interior.—
Scientific American.
TRUE STRENGTH.
\\'.i must measure a man’s strength
by the ppwer of the fee ings he' sub
dues, not by the power of '.hose which
subduo Tim. And hence, composure
is often the highest, result ol strength.
Did wo ever see a man receive a fla
grant injury, and then reply calmly?
Thai man is spiritually strong. Or,
did we ever see a man in anguish,
stand u.-, if carved out of solid rock,
as -it luastei ing hims< If? Or one
bearing a hopeless dai y trial remain
silent and never t 11 the world what
caukend his home peace ? That is
strength. We too olten mistake
strong feelings for strong character.
A man who bears all before him, be
fore whose frown domestics tieiuble,
and whose buist ol fury makes the
childien of the household quake,.be
cause he has his way in all tilings, we
cad him a stiong man. The truth is
that he is a weak man; it is Ins pas
sions that arc strong—he, mastered
by them, is weak.
A NX UAL SUBSCRIPTION. 82 00
Cjt ran berry & Ha How*
yt
1880- -A.PXt.IL, ‘"“1880.
Bought in before the advance of February aiul>
March, is now open and ready to bo sold at
Ezjctra Imw Price#
ML hhSPI, j\ I-ULLY INVITE ALL OUR FRIENDS, AND THOSE \VIIO*
HAVE NEVER 'j RAPED WITH US, IF THEY WISH TO BUY CHEAP
GOODS - T 0 CALL AND EXAMINE OUR STOCK BEFORE THEY
1 f .l( IIASL i.ILIR SPRING SUPPLIES, AND SATISFY
-lIIEMSLLVES 'I HAT WE C \N, aND WILL, OFFER
THEM SPECIAL INDUCEMENTS TO GIVE US AT
LEAST A PORTION OF THEIR TRADE ! 11
ws flifi Just web j crest fjribtt of
As cheap as they were ever sold, iioiwith*(audiu& al#
that I&as been {Hiblishcd about high prices!
-A. joefi nm JL cS
AT LAST SUMMER’S PRICES- (
ALSO PERFECT FITTINC
SHIRTS AND COLLARS'
WHITE AND COLORED T.G
ISLE DAMASK, TOWELS AND
StI’KIAS, TABLE OJL cloths,-
SLMMEK C.-tSSIMERES, LINEN DRILLS,'
cottonad.es and oTsier goods for
PANTS, LADIES’AND GENTLEMEN’S HAN IN
KERCH IES-'S AT ANY PRICE, LADIES’" AND G’EN-'
TLEM-ILVS TIES, LADIES COLL ARS AND CITES, &C, y &CV
TIIS FINEST STOCK WE EVER Hi! OF
-A. DsTID—
l!i\IlSO!tlE LACES !
UUR--
Ami other Kcw Styles arc still the
most popular!
Hats and Shoes as Ghoap as anybody can sell them f
UMBRELLAS and PARASOLS!
SOME ENEIRELY NEW AND VERY HANDSOME.
POCKET KNIVES AND SCISSORS'
AS LOW AS THEY EVER WERE-
!-
SOLO AT NEW YORK PRICES AT
A BEAUTIFUL STOCK OP HOSIER! I
Wc arc closing out our Winter Stock of
Carpets at Legs than Pment Now York Prices 5
e.iXߣR¥ & K IRI.OW,
, Americus, Ga v April 10, 1880.
A TTEXTION, Git AIN QltO WStii
Wo hereby notify the f w <in'>m of Mil
lion hiuT adjoining 6oiS‘nti*s t|,t w wilf
have a splendid thrijsh atid aopamior
for threshing and cleaning grain ; n ,j l 0
incoming season, and we hope t 0 ,]n
good work, nn.l our known iWhanicl
experience and siieceis Ce ft a inly be-'
spenk for ns energy and dbp* tali j n
threshing grain. PWeis would se
cure more ceituinty olservieo bvspenk
iug to u, in lime, and they wo'tlM ex
pedialo ilic ihresbing of their grain by
having wood and water on hand ready
and avoid delays.
K G. Ivey & Bros.
- March Bth, 1880. -tf
NO 3,5