Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

A Tale for Struggling Young Toot*. Mark Twain contributed the following amusing sketch to a publication in Buf falo, printed in the interest of the Ho meopathic Fair: Woll, sir, once there was a young fol low who behoved he was a poet ; but tho main difllculty with him was to got any body t'lse to boliovo it. Many andinany a, poet has split on that rock—if it is a rook. Many and many a poet will split on it yet, thauk God. The young fellow I speak of used all the customary do vices—and with the customary results— to-wit: Ho competed for prizes and didn’t take any; ho sent specimens of poetry to famous people and asked for a “candid opinion,” meaning a puff, and didn’t got it; he took advantage of dead persons and obituaried them in ostensi ble poetry, but it made him no friends— certainly none among the dead. But at last he heard of another ehnneo ; thoro was going to boa homeopathic fair in Buffalo, accompanied by flic usual inof fensive paper, and tho editor of that paper offered a prize of $2 for tho best original poem on the usual topic of “ Spring r * —no poem to be considered unless it should possess positive valuo. Well, sir, ho shook up his muse, he introduced into her a rousing charge of inspiration from his jug, and then sat down and dashed off the following mad rigal just as easy as lying : 1IA1L! BEAUTEOUS. BOUNTEOUS, GLADSOME SPUING. A POEM BE B. £., CLEMENS. : No. 1,163. Hartford, Conn., Nov. 17, 1880. : GEO. P. BrSSEU it CO., ; BANKEKfI, Pay to Mrs. Davit l t.Jray, or order, Tor Homeopathic Pair, | ■ Ten Dollars. : Household Account. ; 8. L. Clemens. : Did he take tho prize ? Yes, ho took the prize. Tho poem and its title didn’t seem to go together very well; but no matter, that sort of thing has happened before ; it didn’t rhyme, neither was it blank verse, for the blanks were all filled—yet it took tho prize for this reason : no other poem offered was really worth more than about $1.50, whereas there was no getting around tho petrified fact that this one was worth §lO. In truth, there was not a banker in the whole town who was willing to invest a cent in those other poems, but every one of them said this one was good, sound, sea worthy poetry, and worth its face. Such is tho way in which that strug gling young poet achieved recognition at last and got a start along the road that leads to lyric eminence -whatever that may mean. Therefore, let other struggling young poets be encouraged by this to go on striving. Mark Twain. Hartford, Conn., Nov. 17, 1880. Annt Sally’s Talks. “ I’m almost tuckered out ! What’s the matter? Matter ’miff. I’ve been over to Henry’s, taking care of his sick wife. Guess if they hadn’t been able to get me, old as I am, they’d have had a bouncing big doctor’s bill to pay. What ails her ? Well, I call it infernal non sense. Maybe you never heard of the disease, and I’ll explain. J ust wait a minit. ” The old lady took a liberal pinch of snuff, dusted off her nose on her check apron, and said : “ We tried to bring that boy up sen sible, but when he was away to college he got struck on this gal, and wc never knowed he was married until he brought her home. Lands ! but you could have knocked me down with a feather! When they driv up I thought Henry had brung home a big wax doll for Emma’s little gal. When he said to me: ‘Mother, this is my wife, Mollie,’l should have swooned away, only I thought my emptings might run over be fore they could bring me to. There sho was, a green young thing, hardly taller than a boot-jack, face painted, false hair, Jueed to kill, eyebrows blackened, and proud as Lucifer of her small feet. I was rollin’ out pie-crust, and the thing took me so sudden and ilustrated me so much that I put u pie to bake with nothing but my spectacles between the crusts.” She held the spectacles up to the light, polished up tho brass bows a bit on her knee, and went on : “ We had to put up with it, but I told Henry how it would be, and I believe he has repented in sackcloth and ashes more’ll a dozen times. She was a fash ionable doll. She couldn’t sew, sweep, bake, dust, darn or make her own bed. She’d laced till her ribs were all out of shape. She’d been so fashionable about her stockings and shoes and clothes that she had a chronic sore throat, and one lung was half gone with consumption. She’d painted till her face was blotchy. She’d drawled around until she had a gait between a limp and crawl. That’s the kind of a wife he brought home to be his consolation and help-meet. His fathc-r could do the work of two men, and I could get up a dinner for twenty harvest hands and keep the leach run ning, and lie expected us to be father and mother to that doll 1” She shut her lips, trotted her foot, and it was ft long time before she could go on : “They live across the road there. She hain’t seen a dozen well days since he brought her home, nor done an hour’s work. I’ve been over soaking her feet, making her herb tea, combin’ her hair, fixin’ up gruel, and tellin’ her slovenly hired girl what’s what, but I’m discouraged. She may live a few months, but she’s certain to die within a year, and I don’t know but she’ll be better off. I tell ye, Uncle Richard, a wife who is good for nothin’ but to fill a cor set an’ show off fine duds can’t git to heaven any too soon. That’s where she belongs. There are no husbands up there. Rallies in heaven never squall. They don’t have to be washed and dressed. There is no cookin’ or wflshin’ or bakin’ or cleanin’ house. Angels don’t have to plan or patch or darn.”— Free Press. A Family Affair. The Kaffirs hold the doctrine of the transmigration of souls, and pay the spirits of their relatives the doubfful compliment of believing that they have a special affinity for snakes and serpents. So, when some venomous rep tile takes up its quarters with a family, in place of killing it, they abandon the hut to its use. l)r. Norbury tells a story of a missionary who came near to paying with his life for the delicate considera tion of his flock. While officiating at the communion table he fancied he heard a hissing sound. Bringing the service prematurely to a close, he peeped below the cloth, and saw one of the most poisonous snakes in South Africa. His parishoners had had their oyes upon it all the time, but had declined to say anything, from motives of delicacy. They thought the snake must boa rela tive of the clergyman, and would not in terfere in a family affair. Tire paragraphers think there is little probability of having clear weather in the future, with Hazen doling it out. " WILL W. SINGLETON, Editor & Proprietor. YOL. VI. OL’K YOUNG FOLKS. I.F.GI'NIk OF THIS HICKORY TRUE. Hundreffs and hundreds of years ago, Tile gnome* who lived In tho cavei below— In tho initios and fissures under the earth, Where mortals are never allowed to go— Once wanted a beautiful forest true To bridgo o’er a stream on a mountain height, And, just as the sun sunk into tho sea Ami tho vales grrwduik with the shades of night A thousand gnomes repaired to the wood To hew clown this grand old forest trro. And under its drooping loughs they stood, And its drooping nuts they cracked with glee. Tle elves of tho tree (for each tlower then In the ages of old, had its guardian sprite) Looked down front their homes at the littlo men And all were dismayed nt the fearful sight, Their beautiful home was in danger they know, Where they'd lived and loved so many years, And they met in their leafy Ifowers to view The work of destruction with and tears, lint tin* fairy l.u, who had gone to the, sea To visit the Queen of the Kelpie fays, Had heard ot tho peril of her dear tree, And tourneyed swiftly, through nights and days; And just as the King of th ■ goblin men, Had lilted his ax for Hie first fierce blow, She stood in her wonderful beauty, then, And witn sad eyes begged the dwarfs to iro; The K ng of the gnomes was cross and old He i-aw not her beauty, nor pitied her then. Hut her pleading eyes, and her locks of gold, Had turned the hearts of his brave little. 4 men; They turned and left him alone in the wood, For they would not rob a fay of her homo, But ho vowed lie 'would come again, when ho could, And make thmu afraid of the little old gnome. As soon as he’d gone, the trerub'ing elves Came quickly around their heroine; Lu, And wtion th. y had feast >d ami rested themselves, And quaffed a cup of their favorite dew, They wont to work in tho hour* of night To render their tree so hard and tough, That the stern old dwari-Kiug, try us lie might, Could not ronder his axes cutting enough, Let him chop at tho wood as long as he dare. And to, when tluyiwarf did try it again, They gave up the hopeless task in despair; And* up to this v* ry day w< 4 see Jso wood so enduring so hardy and fair, As the wood of the beautiful if < k<>rv tree. —New York Tribune. JOE, THE CHIMPANZEE. Wien in England I was very much in terested in the monkeys at the zoolog ical gardens, Regent’s Park, London. There were hundreds of all kinds and sizes, from the gigantic orang-outang to tiny creatures not much bigger than a largo rat. These monkeys had a spacious glass house, heated by steam; and as a tropical temperature was always main tained, tall palms and luxurious vines grew so vigorously within its wall that I have no doubt the quaint inmates sup posed themselves in their native haunts. They chattered and scolded each other, wildly chased stray little dogs and kit tens, and really seemed to know so much that I half-believed an old keeper, who told me the only reason they did not talk, was because they could make them selves well enough understood without. Many funny stories I heard of their sagacity. One I recall of a nurse who shook a naughty little boy in the pres ence of some of the mother monkeys, whereupon all the old monkeys began shaking all tho young ones until it seemed as if their poor little heads would drop off. But, interested in all the singular in habitants of tho house, I grew attached to Joe, the young chimpanzee who had been brought a baby from the coast of Guinea the winter before. He had a lit tle room on the sunny side of the mon key house, with a stove, chairs and a couple of beds arranged like the berths iu the state room of an ocean steamer. Besides he had a man all to himself, to wait upon him; and it was no wonder the other monkeys were jealous of his superior quarters and the defer ence paid him; for while .Toe was not handsome he was worth more money than all the others put together. Ho was worth his great sum because he belonged to the most intelligent and interesting species of the monkey family, and only one or two of his kinsfolk has ever been seen in Europe, while the only one the zoological society had ever owned, had died of lung fever before he had in habited his comfortable quaiters many months. Joe was as tall as an average boy of eight or ten years. He wore a thick cloth roundabout, and a low, flat, trencher cap such as the Oxford students delight in. One day I walked to the door of his room and knocked. The keeper said: “Comein,” and as I did so Joe walked erect over the floor to me, pulled off his cap with his left hand, and put out his right to shake mine. When I said: “It is a tine morning,” he bowed briskly; but when I added: “ Are you pretty well, Joe?” he shook his head and looked very sober. The keeper explained: “Joe had a cold, and that made him very low spirited ” Joe was listening attentively; and when the man finished, he shivered and drew up the collar of his jacket round his hairy throat, as if to confirm the statement. I gave him an apple, which he looked at a moment, then opened the door of the oven of his stove, and put it in out of sight. Seem ing to understand that the fire was low, lie pulled a basket from under tho lower berth and took some bits of wood from it to the stove. Then tho keeper handed him a match, and he lighted a fire as cleverly as any Yankee boy I ever saw. “Show the lady how you read the Times, Joe,” said the keeper. Joe drew up a chair, tilted it back a little, spread his legs apart, opened the sheet, turned it until he found the page he wanted, then settled himself into the exact posi tion of the comfortable English gentleman who supposes the Times is printed for his exclusive use. It was impossible to help laughing, and the sly twinkle in his narrow eye assured us that Joe himself knew how funny it was. Quite a crowd had gathered at the open door of his room, and as he noticed it, he put his hand in his pocket drew out the one eye glass Englishmen so particularly affect, and put it to his eyo looking as weakly wise as Lord Dundreary himself. After a little he grew tired of so many specta tors, left his chair and quietly shut the door in tlioir faces. Looking about as if he would do some thing more for our amusement, he re membered his apple in the stove oven. Running tliero he took hold of the door, hut suddenly drew back; for it was hot. He laughed a little at his discomfiture, which he took hi good part, stood think ing a moment, then used his pocket handkerchief as deftly as a dainty lady would to accomplish his purpose. But if the door was hot, the apple, Joe logi cally reasoned, must be hotter; so he ventured not to touch it before opening his knife. Wondering what he was go j ing to do, I found him sticking the I blade into tho apple and bringing it out in triumph. The keeper gave him a BUENA VISTA, MARION COUNTY, GA<, SATURDAY- FEBRUARY 12, ISSI. plate, and after letting tho apple cool a little lie offered it to us. We courteously declined, but the servant tasted, explain ing that Joe did not like to eat anything uluno. Then Joe followed, but did no. like the flavor, and being asked if it was sour, he nodded. We were told that he, ju common with the other monkeys, like oranges and bananas better than any other fruits. Yet he kopt tasting a little of the apple from a spoon while the keeper tolu us how Iho sailors who hoped to capture his mother only succeeded in bringing him off alive after they had killed her. They had hard work to keep him alive on board ship, but found a warm nook for him by the galley fire. He was in fair health when they landed, so they ob tained the large price offered by the zoological gardens; but in spite of the most devoted care, he seemed to lan guish iu his new home. “Do you love mo, Joe?” the man ended his story with. Joe nodded, smiled, and put his head lovingly on the other’s shoulder. As we left that day Joe took his hat, cane, and heavy wrap, and es corted ns to the great door of tho monkey house, shaking our hand as we bade him good-bye. Another time when I called he was taking tea, using milk and sugar and handling cup and saucer as if he had been familiar with thorn from his easiest days. He motioned us to take chairs. Wo did so, and he jumped up, found cups for us, and then passed a plate of biscuits, laughing with glee as we took one. I have taken tea with many curi ous individuals, but never expect to be so honored again as to be invited by a chimpanzee. Noticing his hand was feverish I found Lis pulse was 130. I said, “What is tho matter with him?” “Consumption is what kills all of them,” the man answered, low, just as if talking before a human invalid. From that day Joe faded rapidly, aud one morning, under the head of “Great Loss,” the 'Times announced that he died at midnight. J went doifti at once to see tho keeper, whose grief I knew would be keen. He told mo how for days Joe could only be persuaded to take foe I by seeing him eat and hearing him praise it, how he made him sleep in his berth by his side, and when death came, held his hand through all his last struggle. The man’s voice was actually choked with sobs as lie saidi “It don’t seem right, indeed it don’t, not to have a funeral for him! He ought to have had it.” I never heard Joe had any funeral, but I did hear that he was stuffed, and looks more like a big boy than when he was alive.— Mrs. Ante Saw yer Downs, in Decembe Wide-Awake. An Incident of Jealousy. A great many people make themselves unhappy by needless suspicion and jeal ousy. They cannot reason themselves out of it, for as Shakespeare says: Jealous souls will not be answeied so, They are not jealous for a cause, But jealous lor they’re jealous. It is therefore more easy to ridicule jeal ousy than to argue with it. An old Ger man who lived in Baden, and was af flicted with this malady, was suddenly called to Frankfort. While there the pangs of the green-eyed monster seized him and he rushed to a clairvoyant. This prohetess closed her eyes and said slowly, “ I see a young and beautiful woman looking out of the window.” “ That’s my wife,” said the poor man to himself; “ I wonder what in the world she is looking out of the window for?” “ She is evidently very anxious to see someone,” continued the sleeper. The husband began to feel like a pin cushion full of pins. “ Ah, there he is, she sees him now, and how her face lights up with joy. “Oh, heavens!” cried the excited hus band, “how I wish I was there,” and , his eyes flashed in a very dangerous way. “Now,” said the clairvoyant slowly, “she rushes down to the front door to meet him.” Here great drops of perspiration began to gather on the man’s brow. He had been looking for positive proof for a long time, and ho had it to his heart’s con tent. “And now,” said the seer, “she takes his head between her hands, calls him ‘her precious’ and ‘her darling,’ and kisses him again and again.” This was really too much. The poor man trembled in every limb. “And he,” continued the seer, jumps about the room as though he were mad with delight, and barks, and wags his tail.” “ Barks and wags his tail?” cried the frantic husband, “for heaven’s sake what are you talking about?” “ Oh,” said the seer, “I think I for got to tell you that it is a dog that I have been looking at all this time. ” — N. Y. Herald. Waiting the Resurrection. In New London, Ct., is a lot contain ing five graves, those of a man and his four wives. The women’s form four sides of a square, and the man’s is in the center, while the inscriptions are as follows: *" 'i k"* : | My 1. wife. : ; M * Our Husband. H : My 11. wife. & : l* r...- Ladies’ Patches. The beauties of the court of Louis XV. thought they had made a notable discovery when they gummed pieces of black taffeta on their cheeks to heighten the brilliancy of their complexions. The ladies in England had before adopted patches, in quaint shapes, as of a cres cent or coach and horses, etc. An epi gram was written: Her patches arc of every cut, For pimples and for Bears; Here’s all the wandering planets’ signs, Aud some of the fixed stars 1 The coach and horse patch was an espe cial favorite. Anstey, in his satire, “ The Bath Guide,” enumerated “ velvet patches” as among a fine lady’s necessi ties; but about the beginning of the present century they seemed gradually to fall out of fashion in England. Devoted to tho Interests of Marion County and Adjoining Sections lie Outprnyed ’Em. At Atchison, Kas,, tho woraon crusa ders visited a liquor-saloon, and tried by praying to induce the proprietor of the saloon to close his place. The proprietor invited tho ladies to seats, and anted them to pray, and then offered himself the following prayer: “Almighty Creator in heaven! Thou who hast made tho heaven and earth, and created man in Thine own image as ruler of this earth! Whilst animals are living on grass and water, Thou didst teach Thy servant Noah to make wine, and thou didst not punish him for mak ing intemperate use of it. At tho wed ding of Cana, Thine only Son, Jesus Christ, transformed water in’o wine when the juice of the grape wa- exhausted, that tho enjoyment of the guests might not be disturbed. The great reformer, Martin Lyther, said: “He who does not love wine, woman and song, remains a fool all his life long.” And all the great men upon this earth have been drinking of the wine Thou hast given Thy children upon this earth. Ob Lord! we pray Thee, have pity upon these women here who are not grateful for Thy gifts, who want to make Thy children like the 1 leasts of the field and to compel them to drink water like an ox, while they dress extravagantly and lead their husbands by other extravagances not tending to our well-being, to bankruptcy, depriving them of all pleasures of this world, yea driving them to suicide. “O Lord! have mercy upon these la dies; look upon them; they wear not even the color of the face which Thou hast given them, but they are sinning against Thee, and, not content with nature, paint their faces. O Lord! Thou canst also perceive that their figure is not as Thou best made it; but they wear humps upon their backs like camels; Thou seest, O Lord, that their head-dress consists of false hair, and when they open their mouths Thou seest their false teeth. O Lord! these women, want men who will patiently accept all this without using the power Thou hast given to man that all women shall be subject to man. They will not bear the burdens of married life, and obey Tliy commands to multiply and replenish the earth, but they are too lazy to raise their children; and O Lord! Thou ki lowest the crimes they commit, O Lord! have morev upon them and take them back unto Thy bosom, take folly out of their hearts, give them common sense, that they may see their own fool ishness, and grant that they may become good and worthy citizens of our beloved ( ity of Atchison. O Lord! we thank Thee ft >r all the blessings bestowed upon us, and ask thee to deliver us from all evils, especially hypocritical women, and Thine shall be the praise for ever and ever. Amen. ” . The Lobster. When a lobster shakes hands with you you always know when he takes hold, and are exceedingly pleased when it gets done. They have small features, and lay no claim to good looks. When they lo comote they resemble a small boy shut tling off in his father’s boots. They are backward, very. They even go ahead backward. They occasionally have a row like people,"and in the melee lose a member, but have the faculty of growing out another. The process is patented both in this country and Europe, which accounts for not coming into general use with tho human lobster so to speak. A lobster never comes on shore unless he is carried by force. They are af flicted with but one disease, and that is boils. There is more real excitement in harpooning a whale or in having the measles than there is in catching lobsters. The fisherman provides a small hen-coop, and places in it for enticers, several dead fish. He then rows his boat to the lob • ster ground (which is water) and sinks nis coop to the bottom, and anchors it to a small buoy (one from eight to tan years will do) and then goes home. When he feels like it again—say in the course of a week or so—he goes back and pulls liis poultry-house, and if he has good success he will find the game inside the coop. As an article of food the real goodness of the lobster is in the pith. Very few persons relish the skin, and physicians say it is hard to digest. We therefore take the lobster and boil it until it is ready to eat. Nothing is better for colic than boiled lobster. It will bring on a case when cucumbers have failed. For a sudden case we advise them crumbled in milk. Eaten at the right time, and in proper quantities, lobster stands second to no fruit known. Why Lincoln Appointed Him. The Rev. James Shrigley, who is well known here, was appointed by President Lincoln a hospital chaplain during the war. Pending his confirmation by the United States, a self-constituted commit tee of the Young Men’s Christian Asso ciation called on the President to protest against the appointment. After Mr. Shrigley’s name had been mentioned, the President said: “Oh, yes, I have sent it to the Senate. His testimonials are highly satisfactory, and the appointment will no doubt be confirmed at an early (lay. ” The young man replied: “But, sir, wo have come not to ask for the appointment, but to solicit you to withdraw the nomi nation, on tho ground that Mr. Shrigley is not evangelical, in his sentiments.” “Ah!” said the President, “that alters the case. On what point of doctrine is tho gentleman unsound?” “He does not believe in endless pun ishment,” was the reply. “Yes,” added another of the commit tee, “he believes that even the rebels themselves will finally be saved, and it will never do to have a man with such views hospital chaplain.” The President hesitated to reply for a moment, and then responded with an emphasis they will long remember: “If that be so, gentlemen, and there be any way under heaven whereby the rebels can be saved, then, for God’s sake, let the gentleman be appointed!” He was appointed. —Reading (Pa.) News. Ode Budd, the venerable violinist, whose tall form was always straight as an arrow, wore no heels upon his shoes, believing that they favored a stooping posture. What will women, who gener ally wear heels of enormous propor tions. think ot this ? TKUi-TALIX Oh! don’t you remember, Lon# time ui(o, When the path was in December Covered o’er with kuow ? Then wo had a little walk, Then we hud a little talk, But JealoUH eye* did no n divine The footstep* there were not all mine Oh! the hid>w, The tell-tale snow, Long time ago! Oh ! don’t you remember, On that evening lair, When the jasmine flowers you braided In the raven hair! Homcwurd then I thoughtless strayed, And the jasmine flowers betruyod ; For well the jealous glances knew No jasmine in our garden grew; Oh! the flower, The tc!l- 1 .%1e flower, Long time ago! And when we were both forbidden Ever more to meet, Slyly, little notes were hidden By tho willow seat* But vainly for a note we sought— Could we each other have forgot ? Ah! others know us well as we The secrets of that hollow tree— Oh ! tho tree, the hollow tree, It betrayed both you and me, Long time ago! THE TEACHER’S LOT. A. <’otl<H‘ilon or Qnotntlonii l oon flte .ft men Ii lea and Tribulation* or Ti-aclilus- Teacher—“And the Lord said unto Moses—Maggie Ford, put down that slate!” Delightful task! to roar ths tender thought, To teach the young idea how to shoot Thomson's “ Spring.” To sentence a man of true genius to the drudgery of a school is to put a race horse in a mill. Colton. Taught or untaught the dunce is still the same; Yet still the wretched master bears the blame. — l)nj dm. The schoolmaster is apt to be a favor ite with the female part of creation, es pecially in the rural districts.— lrving. Uneasy lie the heads of all who rule; The most so iiis whose kingdom is a school. —O. IF. Jlo’mes. I can easier teach twenty what were good to be done than be one of the t wenty to follow my own teaching.—Shaks peare. Gone the’Preceptor, g.tzing idly round, Now ut the clouds an l now at the green grass, And all absorbed in reveries profound Of fair Almira in the upper class. Longfellow. Worried and tormented into monoton ous feebleness, the best part of life ground out of him in a mill of boys.— Sickens. She dwells by great Kenhawa’s side, In valleys green and cool, And all her hope, and all lier.pride Are in her village school. —Longfe low. If a student convince you that you are wrong and he is right, acknowledge it cheerfully, and—hug him.— Emerson. The is so easily bended, I have banished the rule and the rod; I have taught them the goodness of knowledge, They have taught me the go )dnes f God. —Charles Dickinson. If vexed with a child when instructing it, try to write with your left hand. lie member a child is all loft hand. — J. F. Boyes. To rear, to teach, Becoming as i inuet and fit, A link among the dtys to bnit Tho generations each with each. Tennyson, What comfort some pedagogues might derive from the thought that wise pupils can learn as much from a fool as from a philospher.— Vedder. Instructors should not only be skillful in those sciences which they teach, but have skill in the method of teaching and patience in the practice.— Dr. Watts. And when the world shall link your names With gracious lives and manners tine, The teacher shall a'-sert her claims, And proudly whisper, “ These were mine!” Wllitlier. The eminences of their scholars com mend the memories of schoolmasters to posterity, who otherwise, in obscurity, had been altogether forgotten. Thomas Fuller. Pretty wore the sight If our old halls could change their sex, and flaunt With prudes for pnetors, dowag rs for deans, And sweet girl-giuluates in their golden hair. Tennyson. Ennyj man who has kept a skool for ten years ought to be made a Major Gen eral, and have a penshun for the rest of his nateral days, and a hoss and wagon to do his going around in. —Josh Bil lings. O’er wayward childhood wouldst thou hold firm rule, And sun thee in the light of happy faces; Love, Hope, and Patience—these must be thy grace.-, Ana in thine own heart let thorn first beep school.— Coleridge. One-half of the children cried in cho rus, “Yes, sir!” Upon which the other half, seeing in the gentleman’s face that yes was wrong, cried out in chorus, “No, sir!” as the custom is in these ex aminations. —Sickens. And while a paltry stipend earning, He sews the richest seeds of learning; No joys, alas! his toil beguile. His mind lies fallow all the while —Robert Lloyd. Still to be pinioned down to teach The Syntax and the Parts of Speech, Or deal out authors by retail, Like penny pot* of Oxford ale; O ’tis a sei vice irksome more Than tugging at the slavish o.ir. Robert Lloyd. Picture Frames. Very serviceable and pretty picture frames can be made out of pasteboard. For cabinet photographs, cut four strips, two six inches and two eight inches long. Lap them across the corners, in the same way as the rustic frames are joined, and punch a hole through the two pieces so that you can fasten them with a button. You can find four of a kind handsome enough in the button box on the shelf. Cut stoel are the best, but any kind will do. Strips of paper on the back will hold the picture in its place. These frames are pretty, made of black card-board or covered with black silk. Little gilt stars, or strips of gilt paper down the center, have a pleasant effect on the black. You can cut little pieces of paper to represent gilt buttons if you do not happen to have any in the house. If you can, embroider a narrow vine on strips, with a cluster of leaves or flowers at the corners. Almost any com bination of materials and styles is effect ive for these frames, and they are an agree able change from the perforated card so long used. Glovo and handker chief and, in fact, boxes of any kind, all lie in this line of manufacture. A woman was drowned the other day, while being baptized, and if any para gvapher rings in a hoary pun about the deceased dying of dip-theory, he should be severely talked to. A SCUIiT OF SUBSCRIPTION, $1.25. Oysler Dredging. Consumers of the lucious bivalve have little idea of tho hardships which atteud tho labor of taking oysters from their I cosy beds. It would seem (hat tailing j one consideration with another, tho ; dredger’s lifo is not a happy one. A Bal- I timoro paper gives tho following glimpse j of tho business: There is no occupation in the world i more laborious or productive of pain j than oyster dredging. The brackish j waters of the Chesapeake freeze rapidly ; over all shoals and bays when a cold j snap comes. The toils of the dredger . then become tortures. The method of taking oysters from the prolific and lim itless beds of the Chesapeake is simple. Tho dredges, which aro simply iron bags with a protecting updor-scoop at tached, are dredged across the oyster beds by the motion of the vessel, and are then hauled up by windlasses. When the dredger is not working at the wind lass ho is squatted on deck bending over the oyster heaps, culling them out. The shells of the oysters are generally cov ered with a parasitic growth known as “dog stones.” The conglomerated lumps of oyster growth ai - o broken up with hammers; shells, “babies,” and refuse are thrown overboard, and the marketa ble oysters are then run into the hold, j As fast as the dredges aro emptied on deck their contents must be culled. It j is an occupation at best about as inter- ! esting as breaking stone. When carried on in a freezing wind, exposed to the frozen spray, with sharp shell edges cut ting into sore hands, and grit and mud rubbing into chaps and raw' places, it be comes a torture. Hauling at the wind lass is only better because more active. The skin sticks to the irons in frosty weather, and the hands stretched down to grasp the icy, dripping dredges often leave blood stains where they touch. For this work the pay ranges from §l2 to §2O a month, with food found. Thus it is that tho work of a dredger is looked upon in Maryland as the worst that can fall to the lot of man. The ex treme expression of aversion with a bay shore darkey is to say, ‘‘l would as lief dredge as do that.” There is a prevalent belief among the colored population that pungy captains kidnap stray darkies who may come into their reach. It certainly is the case that captaius make no inquiry as to where their hands come from. Shipping mas ters get two dollars a piece for them. Many a poor fellow has waked up from a drunken stupor to find, to his horror, that he was down the bay in a pungy. Asa rule, windlass hands are the poorest species of tramps. Many of them are i jiicked up from the brickyard hands who I ilock into town after ■ the brick-making I season is over._ A Story of Tom Ochiltree. •Jem Mace, the celebrated prize-fighter, once spent a winter in New Orleans. He used to amuse himself and his admirers i by betting the drinks with them that ! they could not hit him—they to do their I best to hit him, and he simply to ward | off the blows. Tom Ochiltree, of Texas. who has gained considerable reputation ! from his intimacy with General Grant, | and perhaps even more reputation froi | the fast running horse which was named after him, happened to be in New Or leans during the winter. Some of Ochil tree’s friends told him of Mace’s favorite bet. Ochiltree is a short, tnick-set, pow erfully-built man. His bail is just red enough to indicate a fiery temper. As soon as he was told of Mace’s bet he fired up and said he would bet the crowd a champagne supper that he could hit Jem Mace. The bet, of course, was taken at OBce, and the whole party siarted out in search of Mace. He was easily found in a neighboring drinking saloon. Mace was standing at the bar in the act of taking a drink. Ochiltree stepped quietly up beside him, and hit him sud i denly a stinging blow on the cheek, j Mace quietly placed his glass on the bar, I and, scarcely moving his body, brought I his l’iglit hand up and struck Ochiltree a fearful blow just under one ear. His friends rushed to him, gathered him up, and carried him to the nearest hotel. Doctors were sent foi in a great hurry, and after two or three hours of hard -work they succeeded in bringing Ochil tree back to this earth. He was confined to his room in the hotel for three weeks, however. When he finally reappeared he was forced to furnish the champagne supper. Some of his friends said to him: “ What in the world made you such a blanked tool as to hit Jem Mace?” “Why,” said Ochiltree. “I thought I would just tap him without his knowl edge and would then explain to him ” The Trade Winds. The earth turns on its axis from west to east, and with it rotates daily the envelope of the atmosphere. The veloci ty of rotation at the equator is some thing over 1,000 miles an hour; at thirty degrees distance it is about 150 miles less. In higher latitudes it is still less, at the poles nothing. Therefore, when ever the air moves north or south ou the surface of the earth, it will carry with it less or greater velocity of tho rotation than tho place it passes over, and will turn in an easterly or westerly wind, ac cording as it approaches or recedes from the equator. In the region of the sun’s greatest heat, the air, rarilied, and lighted, is continually rising, and cooler currents come in on both sides to take the place of the ascending volume. As these side currents come from a distance of about thirty degrees from the equator, they have at a, starting, an eastward velocity of many miles an hour less than the localities they will eventually reach. Consequently they will appear to lag behind in all the course of their progress to the equator—that is. they will have a westerly motion united with their north and south movements. These are the great trade winds, blowing constantly from the northeast on this side, and the southwest on the other side of the equa tor.—London Truth. The Sultan is about to marry off two I of his daughters—young things, not yei | 15 years old. The bridegrooms, who are Turkish cavalry officers, have been allowed to choose their wives for them | selves, and for dowry each receives a | palace, many slaves, and a present ol i money. NO. 23. HUMORS OF THE DAY. A celebrated cose—Switzer Kane. Tall soft hats Hupply a long felt want. The balloonist's home is one flight up. Help us, Cassias (cash us,) or we sink. Bk virtuous and you will bs—a curi osity.—Modem Argo. Lovin' a cottage is more common than lovin’ the cottage’s mistress. A certain grocer calls his scales “am bush” because they lie in weight. Some men are called muffs because they are used to keep a flirt’s bund in. The best of us we very apt to be mealy-mouthed about three times a day. The deaf man who had a scolding wife remarked, “Man wants but little hear below. ” The experiment has been tried often enough to prove that a jack-knife is not a night-key. “Weep, wife, you can't say I ever contracted bad habits,” “ No, sir, you generally expand them. ” What tree in the forest would be most likely to be known by its bark ? We should think the dog wood. Thj choir doesn’t care so much for the congregational singing. It looks out for the main chants Transcript. “He’s an honest young man," said the saloon-keeper, with an approving smile; “he sold his note to pay his whisky bill.” Puck speaks of a Western New York man who cures all diseases by immersion in cold water, and calls him a * ‘eaualo path.” Every man in St. Louis owns a dog. The object is to increase the puppy lation until it rivals that of Chicago.— Boston Globe. “I am a man of few words,” said Prendergast. “True enough,” replied Fog, “true enough; but you never tire of repeating them. ” A man writes to an editor for $4 “ be cause he is so terribly short,” and gets in reply the heartless response, “Do as I do; stand up on a chair.” An Ohio man has taken the small-pox from a pet pig. When once this disease gets into a family it is pretty sure to go through it.— Galveston News. Young clergyman at a clerical meet ing: “I merely throw out. the idea.” Old minister: “ Well, I think that is the best thing you can do with it. ” An Illinois exchange says: “Peoria distilleries are now feeding 16,350 iiead of cattle.” And furnishing drink to as many more, no doubt.”— Pt ck’s Sun. “Would you like to look through the big telescope ?” asked one girl of another. To which the latter replied: “No, I'd a great deal rather look through a key hole. ” Mr. Ever was married to Miss Joy. The friends of the victims were shocked when the press called her “a thing of beauty,” because she was “a Joy for Ever.” A newspaper commenting on the fact that a farmer nearly lost his life by sink ing in a quagmire, adds: “Men who do not subscribe for a paper must expect to be sucked in every now and then. When you hear a young lady very carefully say, “I haven't saw,” you may be quite confident that she is a recent graduate from one of the most thorough of our numerous female seminaries. A pupil of the Latin school being con fined to liis room by sickness, was called upon by a young friend. “What, Charley,” said the visitor, “sick, eh?” “Yes,” was the answer, “sia sum!” De Brancas was very absent-minded. He called one day at a friend’s house, and asked if he were in. “No, sir,” replied the servant, “he was buried eight days ago, and you were one of the pall-bear ers. ” We’ll bet a cent that not a man wl:o has blown out the gas and been suffo cated during the past ten years, ever took and read his county paper. Now is tho time to subscribe.— Steubenville Herald. The Bravest of the Brave. Michael Ney was bom in Saarlouis, in 1769. His early years were devoted to the study of law', but, disliking the con finement, he entered the army as a pri vate hussar, in 1787. He distinguished himself during the first years of the war, and in 1790 ho rose to the rank of Brigadier General in the French army. During ilie reign of Na poleon he became a Marshal of the Em pire, and was created Prince de la Moskwa and a Peer of France. When Napoleon was sent to Elba he retired to his country seat, and lived in retirement until the Emperor’s return, when ha again joined his fortunes with those of Napoleon. Hitherto one motive alone— sincere patriotism—had controlled Ins every action, and a personal or family interest had never been permitted to swerve lrim from his love of country. He professed to think the return of Na poleon would be an injury to France, and his progress ought to be checked. On taking leave of Louis XVIII., ho made many protestations of zeal and fidelity to the King, and expressed his determination to stay tho progress of Napoleon. Arriving ut Besancon Ney found the whole country hastening to meet the coming Emperor, and at Lyons the Dukes d’Artois and d’Angouleme ac knowledged the fruitlessness of the en deavor to check the popular enthusi asm of Napoleon w'hich had seized the troops of Ney’s command. Impelled by this popular current, Ney and his army joined Napoleon, and fought under his | banners until Waterloo was lost. After I the, ccgiclusion of that eventful day, Ney ! was advised to leave France, but re fused, and retired to his country seat to await his fate. He was soon arrested and brought to trial, but, his colleagues and companions in arms having declared themselves incompetent to form a court martial whereby to judge him, the af fair was carried to the House of Peers, by whom he was tried and condemned for treason. On the 7th of December, 1815, Marshal Ney, one of the most brill iant officers the world has ever seen, who had fought and won many desper ate battles for France, but never one against her, was shot as a traitor. Like Her Brother. A young gentleman somewhat numer ous in social circles took his sister, a wee ■miss, to see a family in which he is a regular caller. The little girl made her self quite at home, and exhibited great fondness for one of the young ladies, hugging her heartily. “How very affectionate she is!” said the lady of the house. “Yes, just like her brother,” responded the young lady, unthinkingly. Paterfamilias looked up sternly over his spectacles, the young gentleman blushed, and there was consternation in the family circle, __ The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts; therefore, guard accordingly, and take : care that you entertain no notions un suitable to virtue, and unreasonable to nature.