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AX or HUM GOOD BOY. A Detroit grocer waa hungrily waiting tor his clerk to return from dinner and give him a chance at hia own noonday mral, when a boy cam® into hia irloro with a banket in hia hand and said: “I seed a boy grab np this ’ere bosket from the door and ran, and I run after bim, nnd made him give it up,” i My lad, yon are an honest boy." ■"Yes, sir.” “And you look like a good boy.” “Yes, sir.” “And good boys should always be en couraged. In a box in the back room there are eight dozen eggs. Yon may take them home to your mother, and keep the basket.” The grocer had been saving those >ggs for days and weeks to reward some ■one. In rewarding a good boy he also got eight dozen bad eggs carried out of ( th neighborhood free of cost, and he thucklod a little chuok as he walked homeward. The afternoon waned, night came and went, anil onoo moro the grocer went to his dinner. When ho returned he was pioking his teeth and wearing a compla int smilo. His eye caught a basket of wight dozen eggs as he entered the stole, and ho queried : " Been buying some eggs ?” “ Yes ; got hold of those from u farm er's boy," replied the olerk. “A lame boy with a blue cap on?” “1W “Two front teeth out ?” “Yes.” Tho grooer sat down and examined the eggs. The shelltf had been washed clean, but they were the same eggs that good boy had luggod home the day before.— Tree /ycss. ABC TIC WINTERS. In a paper read before the National Academy of Scienoes, Lieut. Sohwatka treated of “the duration of the Arctic winter.” He said that at latitude 83 deg., 00 min., 26 sec. (the highest point over reached by man, which was attained by Commander Marklmm, of Capt. Nares’ •expedition), tliero are four hours and forty-two minutes of twilight on Doe. 22, the shortest day in the year in tho northern hemisphere. In latitude 82 deg. 27 min., the highest point where white men have wintered (tho crew of the Albert, of Capt. Nares’ expedition), there are six hours and two minutes in fho shortest day. In latitude 84 deg. 32 min. (seventy-two geographical miles nearer the pole than Markham reached, and 828 miles from that point), tho true Plutonic zone can be entered by man. The pole itself is only shrouded in per fect blackness from Nov. 13 till Jan. 27. r rbe r>ole has about 188 days of continu ous daylight*, 100 of varying twilight, and sevep(,y-seven of utter darkness.” "CHALK YOUR HAT.” The cant phrase, “ Chalk your hat,” which is still ourrent in many parts of the Union, is said to have had its origin in a literal illustration of the words. “Admiral ” Beeside was an owner of various stage coaches in the days before railroads. He spent much of his time in Washington, where, indeed, he lived for several years. At the annual ad journment of Congress he would pass his friends of the House and Senate—he was well acquainted with all the promi nent politicians of his era—over any stage line he controlled. He would say to an Ohioan or Kentuckian : “I sup pose you’re going back to Cincinnati or Louisville, and I’ll pass you through by stage.” When he was asked : “How?” be would reply : “ Give me your hat.” He would take the hat, make u cabalis tic chalk mark on it impossible to coun terfeit, and return it with the remark, “That will serve your turn ; my agents will recognize that anywhere, and won’t receive a cent from the men whose hat is so marked.” Beeside was right. All fcis agents knew tho sign at once. The thing became so common that some fel lows tried to imitate it, but they were invariably detected and compelled to leave the stage or pay their fare. In the fiouth and West “ Chalk your hat" still Btands for what the East styles dead heading.—Ntfw York paper. TIIK CORRUTT STAGE. Let it be granted that it is as proper to listen ta Mr. Booth’s wonderful ren dition of “Othello” as to read Shak speare’s great drama at home. It would be another thing altogether if Mr. Booth’s consummate ability were wedded to shameful immoralities of life; if his shining histrionic triumphs were put to the base service of gilding the grossest crimes against social purity. An actress may display pro- eminent abilities on the stage; but suppose her private life has been notoriously in famous, and that she gives no sign of a better mind. Can any man or woman who cares anything for the purity of so cial life consent, in good conscience and in consistency, to be of those who wor ship at the shrine of , such an artist ? Does not he or she who sits in such an audience breathe a tainted atmosphere ? No one is a more dangerous enemy to all that is sweet and good in human life than the ono who lends to impurity the function of splendid talents. If the American theater is to drop to the moral level of the Comedie Francois, Christam America will oertainly have no further use for it. Shall pure men or virtuous women consent to be seen in the audi ence which is gathered for the apotheosis of Aspasia?— Good Company A young man with an umbrella over took an unprotected lady acquaintance in a rain-storm, extending his umbrella over hor, requested the pleasure of act ing as her rain-beau. “ Oh,” exclaimed the young lady, taking his arm, “you wish me to be your rain-dear.” Two souls with but a single umbrella, two forms thatiitepped as one. WILL W. SINGLETON, Editor & Proprietor. VOL VI. now THE FARMER MISSED IT, If I had told b*r ii tho spring Tho old, old story briefly, When the sparrow and robin began to sing, And tho plowing wh over chiefly > But baeto nudeea wanta, and tho story sweet, I reasoned, will keep through tho sowing, Till I crop tho corn and sow the wheat. And ghe them a chance for growing. Had I even told the tale in June, When tho wind through tho gross was blowing. Instead of thinking it rather too soon, And wsltlng till after the mowing I Or had I hinted, out under the stars. That I knew a story worth hearing, Lingering to put up the pasture bar#, Nor waited to do tho shearing I Now the barn is full, and so is tho bln, But I’ve grown wise without glory, 81 nee love la the crop not gathered la. For my neighbor told her tho story. g’-! I—L' . KITTIW3 MUXDItfU, BY LYDIA F. HINMAN. Deacon Stanley was by no means a penurious man. He was only, as he said, an “economically savin’” man. Ho was in good ohurch standing, devout and sincere. He had a good wife and dutiful daughter to mako him a pleasant home; was considered “well-to-do,” though a fanner, and the comforts of the house were not forgotten in this de sire to bo economical. Nevertheless tliis one “savin’” bump caused Mrs. Stanley and Kittio a groat deal of trou ble. He would persist in wearing his slothes until they were so patched you could hardly tell the patch from tho or iginal garment. Mrs. Stanley had hand ed all the mending over to Kittie as her work, and Kittie did so hate mending; and, together with her pride and her chagrin that her father would persist in wearing such clothes, her troubles were great, “ Why, he wears meaner clothes than any poor on the town,” she exaggerated, “and he was just cheating the rag picker,” and he would only laugh. Mrs. Stanley, too, was a trifle ashamed that her good husband should so persist in making patch-work of his garments, but the kind soul had given up the argu ment long ago. The church parson had been talked to about the deacon’s pecul iarity, but, as the deacon was a Christian in every other respect, gave to the church and her missions, helped the poor and did not neglect his family, this one sin—if sin it could be called— was considered but a minor one, and so the deacon escaped a oensure. He often heard remarks, though, both be hind his back and to his face, to which he would respond laughingly, turning tho remarks into jokes, and none of them ever made the slightest ripple of anger upon his ocean of good nature. Tho parsonage of L was being re paired, and the young minister was boarding at the Stanleys’ during this prooess, and preparing for the convention which was to be held in their society the next week. Suddenly he took a great interest in the family sitting-room, and found it pleasanter, lam ashamed to say, read ing and talking to Kittie and her mother afternoons than writing sermons for the people of L to sleep under, or even seeking out the unruly sheep of the flock, who had leaped the sectarian fence. And Kittie—well, perhaps she, too, took more interest in the afternooD talk than the Sunday sermon. Mrs. Stanley, from her placid face, ono might read that she wos well satisfied with both. One afternoon, Mr. Stanloy came in for some clover-seed, which Mrs. S., in her careful way, had put in a dry place, and she directed him up to the garret. After a few moments’ search he de scended with Ihe clover-seed, and left it in the kitchen, while he proceeded into the sitting-room with, hanging over his arm, three pairs of old dilapidated pants he bail accidentally stumbled upon where Kittie had hidden them; one one pair of striped, one of cheeked and another plain. “ Kittie,” lie said, laying the cobwebs and garments tenderly clown upon the stuffed chairs, “ now, this ’ere is some of your work, putting them away and not half worn out. You never will be the economical wife your mother is, my child. These could be mended into one pair, and, as I may want them to wear, you had better-set about fixing ’em up as soon as mother can spare you. ” And out ne stalked as innocent of any im propriety as the meekest lamb. Kittie’s eyes flashed and dropped as she saw her father appear with the hated garments, and a suspicious trem ble gathered at the corners of her mouth and blushes leaped to her cheeks, but as he departed out of hearing she glanced at her mother and mirthi'uLness predom inated over anger, and she burst into a hearty laugh, which was joined in by Mrs. Stanley and the minister, who was fully acquainted with the deacon’s fail ing. That afternoon Kittie wore a serious, oreoccupied air, which had changed the next morning to anghter at most unac countable times and secret titters which quite astonished her mother, and as at the first leisure moment Kittie was dis appearing with the offending garments, Mrs. Stanley asked : "How are you going to fix them, Kit tie?” lIUENA VISTA, MARION COUNTY. GA„ SATURDAY. MARCH 12, 1881. And Kittio answered, giving them a spiteful shake: "TO fix ’em, never mind.” And tk* minister, Undine Kittie no* in the sitting-room that afternoon, felt it his duty to oontinuo hia sermons in his own room. In the evening Kittie said to her father: “ Those garments you wanted mend ed, father, hang np in the closet beside your Sunday ones.” "That’s right, my dear; you’ll mako a good wife yet for somebody," he an swered encouragingly, while Kittie smothered a hypocritical little laugh. The convention was here, and the parishioners’ houses were crowded with guests, Tho deacon’s home contained for guests, with the minister, Prof. Primstock and wife, Mr. and Mrs. Mer ryday, Bev. Lyoumgood, wife and sister, but extra help left the hostess and Kittie time to entertain them. In the after noon of the second day there was a sort of intermission for the tired convention. Mr. Stanley came in from doing the “ chores” hehad finished rather early, and proceeded to his room for the purpose of enrobing himself in his “meeting clothes,” for the deacon was very care ful of these, and would have thought it a sacrilege to have worked in them. In an instant the door-bell rang, and two reverends and wives came in for a chat, when, hearing his name called, he hur ried into his coat and through the din ing-room, where Kittio stood speechless from fright, and stood among his guests. Poor deacon ! He was not very observ ing, or his eyes were not as good as they once were, or the closet was dark. And, then, it being a darling hobby of his to frown upon ruffles and ribbons, puffs ana trimmings, he considered it a sacred duty to give a lecture on the iollv of these vanities before giving hi* daughter the wherewithal for procuring them. He was doomed to a great tidal. He hadn’t taken three steps into the room before thirteen pairs of eyes were fixed upon him with all the horror and severity that twenty-six eyes were capa ble of expressing, Mrs. Htanlay feebly ejaculated, “James !” Two of the divines forcibly remarked, “Ahem! ahem!” and one of the reverend’s wives added, in a stage whisper, “Mercy on us!” Then Mr. Stanley, following their eyes to his feet, stood spellbound. There he was, arrayed in a garment unrivaled even by Joseph’s coat of many colors, I verily believe, and bedecked in the most wonderful and fan tastical manner ever perceived by mortal man or woman. There were those three beloved garments he had tenderly yield ed to Kittie’s fashioning, and evidently about five times as many more, made into one. There was a huge striped patch, bound with yellow, on one knee, and a ohecked one, bound with green, on the other. A strip of blue extended np one leg, and a strip of white np the other. An attempt had been made to lengthen them, and around one ankle was knife-pleating of black cashmere; around the other a ruffle of gTay poplin, both headed by a puff of gay oalioo. Little gay-ribbon bows and streamers were generously distributed over the garment, and a lovely little pocket of wine-colored velvet, edged with white lace, stitched on one side, completed the “ mending.” The deacon stared, and the more he gazed fhe more his wonder grew, and, overcome by the sight, he pulled his bandana out, mopped his face, ex claimed, “ Gracious me,” sank helpless ly down in the nearest ohair, and fell to gazing at himself again. It was quite evident he had made a mistake in the garments, but where those came from was entirely beyond his conception. I don’t know but they would have sat staring at the deaoon until this time if the minister hadn’t laughed. Laughter is wonderfully contagious, especially among divines, even if people do think otherwise, and a few seconds of that healthy exercise brought back the dea con’s scattered ideas, and his first ejaou lation was, “ Where is that Kittie ?” But Kittie wasn’t to be found, and somehow the minister explained to them all that it was a joke of Kittie’s, and the deacon had just got into the wrong garments, and they all knowing the deacon’s peculiarity accepted in wonderful good nature. As Kittie did not return, Mrs. Stanley sent the minister over to Susie Lee's, where Kittie was most likely to be, with the message that she was forgiven, and to come home. Poor Kittie was mortified enough, but when she arrived home, and the guests made more of a heroine of her than cir cumstance deserved, and she found the deacon didn’t look a bit angry, and her mother never said one reproving word, and caught the minister’s eye full of laughter and of something else Kittie couldn’t understand, her mortification took wing, . And that evening walking home from church, the few words the minister spoke made her happier than she ever had been before; but the words were not of the sermon, and, a little while after, when the deacon gave them his bless ing, he added with sadness and mirth fulness mingled: Devoted to the Interests of Marion County and Adjoining Sections. “ She will maks yoe good wife, par son, but will never b* u economical as her mother, as I said one* before." Mrs. Stanley ever blessed Kittie’s joke, for afterward th* deaoon was never fond of many patches L .1 HOW IRISH PEIS ANTS LITE. The dens, misnanud cots, in wliioh the peasantry of Galway and Mayo counties live are merely stone shelters ; owing to the intensr ignorance of the people they ore notprovided with any facilities for drainage and are often in comparably filthy. Tho floors are of hard mud; it is rare to find more than one room in a hut, <ud only ono story. Beds and bedding ifra luxuries which the poorer tenants do not possess; old heaps of hay and straw are the couches on which the lovely, brown-eyed, large browed maidens of Connaught repose. The smoke from a peat fire in a common peasant’s cabin sprerds through tho room, and you narrowly escape strangu lation on your first visit, I have had tills experience in Herzegovina, and con sequently minded the smoke but little. How family decency is maintained in these dens is a mystery, and how the people manage to keep clean—for they look clean—is a puzzle. The pigs run in and out of the doors—and such wretched pigs ! A North Carolina wild hog would be an aristocrat beside them 1 In dozens of these cabins nick people are to ba found—sick people dependent either on the charity of their neighbors or on friends fn America wlo send them small sums. A gentleman in Galway told me that the agents of landlords treated the poorer tenantry as if they were animals. He instanced the case of one agent who, on rent diy, when any tenant was short a half crown in his pay ment, would knock the money off the table on to the floor, so as lo humiliate the tenant before his fellows. Up to a recent date even the better class of ten ants would not have dared to resent such behavior; they were ready to fawn be fore the man who insulted them. Now the tables are turned and the agent sneaks in and out among the people, taking 25 per cent, less than the usual rental, if indeed he gets anything at all, and is glad to get away again out of the farming district with his head still on liis shoulders.— Edward King's letter from Qahvay. A .TVI3G3I ENT OF SOLOMON. In some ancient monkish manuscripts in France occurs the following interest ing story, which has no place in the Bible itself, though it is in the original prefixed to the Proverbs of Solomon. It appears to have been % great favorite in the middle ages ; and was often re lated from the pulpit. A King, in some domestic difference with his wife, had been told by her that one only of her three sons was a true offspring, but which of them was so she refused to dis cover. This gave him much uneasiness; and, liis death soon afterward approach ing, he called his children together; and declared, in the presence of witnesses, that he left a ring, which had very sin gular properties, to him th.it should be found to be his lawful sou, and that to him, too, should belong his kingdom. On his death a dispute arose about the ring between the youths—and it was at length agreed to refer its decision to the King of Jerusalem. He immediately ordered that the dead body of his father should lie taken up and tied to a tree ; that each of the sons should shoot an ar row at it, and that he who penetrated the deepest should have the ring. The eldest shot first, and the arrow went far into the body ; the second shot, also, and deepier than the other. The youngest son stood at a distance and wept bitter ly ; but the King said to him : “Young man, take your arrow and shoot as your brothers have done.” He answered: “ Far be it from me to commit so great a crime. I would not for the whole world disfigure the body of my own father.” The King said: “'Without doubt you are his son, and the others are changelings ; to yon, therefore, I ad judge the ring.” PREACHING TO LUNATICS. A clergyman in Jacksonville, HI., was out of a field, and, hearing that there was no preaching in the asylum in that city, sought the opportunity to dispense the gospel tliero. At his first service he was very much gratified to observe the close attention that one of the patients gave to his sermon, and he went away and told some of his friends that he had found a very hopeful field of labor in the asylum, which had been neglected too long. The next Sunday he noticed the same intent expression on the face of this hopeful listener. Again, the next Sun day, the man gave eager attention. In the sermon the old story had been re lated about Hindoo women easting their children inf o the Ganges. The minister sought an opportunity at the close of ths service for a personal conversation with his eager listener. The patient grasped his hand warmly, and said’, ‘I couldn’t help thinking while you were telling that story that it was a great pity your mother didn’t chuck you into the river when you were a baby,” WKAT TO EAT AND WHAT WB ABB MADE OP. One of the plainest rules for taking food is that which insists that we must find in our nourishment the substanoes of which the body itself is composed. If we think of it, suoh a rule is in strict conformity with the dictates of common sense. We are bound to obtain from our food the matter the body laoks; and any food, however pleasant to the pal ate, but which does not contain elements naturally found iu the frame, may be unhesitatingly rejected from the lists of our dietaries. It follows, therefore, that to know what foods are required for sustenance we must investigate the chemical composition of our frame. In this way we discover, for instance, that we are largely composed of water. Two thirds of a human body by weight are composed of water. A body weighing 165 pounds will include in its belong ings 110 pounds of water. Water fur ther permeates or enters into the com position of every tissue ; lienee, the rea son why thirst is so much more painful than hunger is that, while the latter is a comparatively local condition, the former affects the entire frame. And we also sec the importance of water as an article of diet-—a phase in which we are not usually accustomed to regard it. If we take even the most cursory survey of our bodily composition, we find that our chemical structure is of the most motley and varied description. Tims we shall find a large selection of minerals in our tissues; lime, magnesia, etc., in our bones; common salt in our stomach and elsewhere ; iron in our blood ; and phos phorus in brain and nerve. Then, com ing to our soft parte, we find that these may be divided into what physiologists call the nitrogenous and non-nitrogen ous compounds. Of these, the former contain the element nitrogen in addition to other elements, while the latter want this element. Thus the “albuminous” or wliite-of-egg-like substances existing in onr frames contain nitrogen ; while the fats of the body and the sugars and starches do not. To these latter we may add water and minerals, as also nou nitrogenous in their nature. When we eat a piece of beef, we are receiving “ nitrogenous” food in its juice and in its fibers; and we are also obtaining the other variety of foods from its water, its fats, and its mineral matters which are not nitrogenous in their [composition. If we eat an egg, we are presented with a more perfect compound and union of the two classes of foods ; for in an egg water, fats, and minerals are present, in addition to the white and other parts which consist largely of albumen or nibwgenous matter. It is perfectly clear, therefore, that for health we re quire a mixture of the two kinds of foods just mentioned. A BALKY HORSE. A Canada paper gives room to the fol lowing curious mode of dealing with a balky horse : I would prepare myself with a good strap—l want no whip; perhaps he has got a good taste of that already, and still he is master. But some day, when I was at peace with my self and all around, I would hitch him to the buggy, turning his head to the village. He goes half the way very well indeed; then he begins to think he has gone far enough in that direction, and stops. I step down; he expects me to use the whip; he is mistaken. Asa criminal, I treat him on the silent sys tem. I push him back a little out of the way. I show him the strap, putting it up to his nose. Igo to the off side and buckle it to his fore leg, close up to his breast, throwing the other end over his shoulder ; I then raise his near foot and fix it with the hoof almost touching the belly. This done, I say, “ Now, old chap, you just stand there.” I don’t smoke, so I take a paper from my pocket, and finding a place where I can sit down, and he see me, I begin to read. This is something he did not bargain for, and the novelty of standing on three legs Bomowhat diverts his mind from the cause that stopped him. I think that is the chief point gained, and the most humane. When the strap is taken off I show it to him, caress him a little, and we move on without irritation. The strap will now become a part of the har ness for a month or two, till at last the sight of it will act as a talisman. PAT OF AUTHORS. A recent-English writer says: “Un til last year, Tennyson received $20,000 a year for his copyrights. Walter Scott received over SIO,OOO for ‘The Lady of the Lake,’ but Scott had to abandon poetry when Lord Byron appeared ; and, while Lord Byron was calculating one morning that he had made $120,000 by poetry, Shelley was complaining of the printer’s bill, which lje had to defray out of his own pocket. Browning’s re ceipts are not equal in a year to the veriest newspaper hack who scribbles bad prose. Arnold’s ‘ Light of Asia ’ will hardly bring him in as much as a dozen political leaders ‘ thrown off’ for the Daily Telegraph. Journalism is handsomely paid in London, witness the writers of the Times, the correspondents of the JYews and the Telegraph." AMOUNT OF SUBSCRIPTION, $1.25 DINNERS AND WNOTUAI.TTT. A prominent American statesman, says the London Globe, was said to tako a pride in always knocking at any door within which he had an engagement precisely with the first stroke of the clock or with the very tick of Ips watch. Perhaps if that wondrous wise states man had taken tho trouble to “ tot up” oil the odds and ends of time he must have wasted in securing that pettifog ging precision he would have found that, whatever he might have done for other people’s time, he had really been as waste ful of his own as tho veriest sloven in this way may be supposed to be on the showing of very exemplary people—os wasteful, for instance, us Lord Palmers ton, who was known to drop in to a pub lic dinner four hours after the appointed time. When Bosville gave his fashionable dinners in Welbock street the guests were always given to understand that time must be observed to the minute, and that if they were not there dinner must proceed without them. It was not often that folks came late, for most peo ple can be punctual when they know it is expeoted of them. On one occasion, however, it happened to l>e the astrono mer royal who came in a half minute or so behind the appointed dinner hour, and found the guests coming down the staircase to the dining-room. “I trust, Mr. Friend,” said the host in greeting him, “that in future you, will bear in mind we don’t reckon time here by the meridian of Greenwich but by the me ridian of Welbeck street.” That sort of thing may all be very well when it is clearly understood that, in auctioneers’ phraseology, it is to be dinner time, “ prompt,” but it is not every host who can muster the hardihood for such rig idity, even though their gnests may not lie astronomers royal. Most people would agree with Dr. Johnson in his well-known dictum on the point. “ Ought six people to be kept waiting for one ?” asked Boswell, who was him self incliued to proceed without one lag gard. “ Why, yes,” said Johnson, “if the one will suffer more by your sitting down than the six will by waiting. ” Winn Tucker and Ad Hitt, two Lou isville (Ky.) hoys, got their desire for adventure in the common way, by read ing tho literature of Buffalo Bill and Texas Jack ; but tii- Jr choice of a field was unusual, for they decided to go South instead of West. They had very little money. They could just pay for a single ticket to Alabama, and they de cided that one should travel as a regular passenger, while the other rode in the trunk as baggage. The toss of a coin settled that Hitt should go in the trunk. A bottle of water and some bread were put in with him, and several holes were bored to supply him with air. Tuckei drove to the railroad station in a hack, checked his trunk and settled himself comfortably in the seat of a first-class ear. But all did not go well with Hitt. He was tumbled roughly into the bag gage car, and left standing on his head. Other trunks were piled on his, nearly closing the air-holes. When almost smothered, he let out his remaining breath in a yell for help. The lid was broken. The contents had lost his de sire to roam. He confessed, and, with Tucker, was sent home. BILLINGS’ ADVICE TO JOE. “By awl means, Joe, get married if you have a fair show. Don’t stand shivering on the bank, but pitch in and stick your head under and the shiver is over. There ain’t any more trick in getting married after you're ready than there is in eating peanuts. Menny a man has stood shivering on the shore until the river all ran out. Don’t ex pect to marry an angel; them liev awl bin picked np long ago. Beinember, Joe, yon ain’t a saint yourself. Do not marry for bnty exclusively ; buty is like ice, orful slippery, and thaws dreadful easy. Don’t marry for lnv, neither; luv is like a cooking stove, gud for noth ing when the fuel gives out. But let the mixture be sum buty becomingly dressed, with about $240 in her pockot, a gad speller, handy and neat in hei house, plenty uv good sense, a tuff con stitution and by-laws, small feet, a light step; add to this sound teeth and a warm heart. This mixture will keep in ahy climate and not evaporate. If the cork happens to be off for two or three minutes the strength ain’t all gone, Joe. Don’t marry for pedigree; there isn’t much in pedigree onless it is backed bj bank stocks. A family with nothing but pedigree generally lacks sense.” ~’qoo oip ees ?oti pip j pup no! uo tuoo qomn os OAq noA,, ‘uem.\2.w[o eip pojjdo.t ~‘jxs ‘qv>> uoao seas jpu[ sbai oipn ‘nuni sip panicfo.x ~‘qqoQ si otmm „uts hiOA mousj puop j,, .'pnqda.i ‘qq°o jo oratra aqj Aq ootnqumibou pjo its Aq psqsoOOU ‘muiiA'.S.iap XMIAV V Dr. J. A. H. Murray, a Scotchman, is preparing anew English dictionary, which is to be five times as large as Web ster's, but this sad announcement is par tially offset by the fact that the work will net be completed for ten years. A vooa l amateur inquires if his voice can be raised with tenor ’leven lessons, IT HATBBK STAGGERED UIX. To see Judge W on the bench, snd to hear him deliver one of hie dear, precise and comprehensive chargee to a jury, you would hardly lwdieve that he could ever have been the vapid and frothy John W who studied law with Appleton, and first settled in one of the lorgost and most thriving of the towns of Maine. One anecdote, in par ticular, of his younger days is worth re lating : John W had been retained—or ha had l>een engaged, no retainer had ever been paid—on an important case in Kennebec county, and when he oame to the court he found that the attorney in whose hands the case had been placed for the prosecution had engaged an old lawyer of Cumberland, named Peabody, to act for him. It was a civil suit —of land damages from the construc tion of a certain dam—and Peabody was considered learned in such matters. But our fledgling held him lightly. “ Pooh ! ” John was heard to exclaim, on the morning of the day of the trial; “I shall make quick work of tho old fud ! I wonder what they hired him for,” etc., etc. Well, the case oame On. Mr. Pea body had stated it as he regarded it, and his statement had certainly been very simple and concise. Though he had spoken but briefly, he had so clearly presented every part and point that those who had never visited the dam in question could not fail to see it as it was, and to understand just how the low-lying, valuable meadow land above had been overflowed. John W arose with a flourish. He had got his lesson perfectly. His glit tering prelude had been carefully pre pared, and with its wondrous sentences he planned to so enrapture the jury as to mold tho members to his will. “We are told, your Honor, and gen tlemen of the jury—we are told, by my learned brother who has just spoken to you, of certain damage done to certain land. Damage to land ! —damage ! ” and he towered like a giant and swayed his arms aloft. “Damage to land, does my superannuated —my venerable, brother say? Gentlemen of the jury, take a glance at the great Book of Na ture. O ! there you shall find—” “ Ah ! —one moment, ’f ’u please,” in terrupted Peabody, starting to his feet, and stretching forth his great, bony hand, “ give us the page ! ” For an instant the youthful Demos thenes seemed puzzled—and for just that single instant the audience was puzzled with him, but the point ap peared presently, and—alas ! poor John W ! his speech was smashed. In his agony of chagrin ho lost his clew, and, to make a long story short, lost his ease. But he had gained a valuable lesson. That appeal to an unpaged book was among the first, as it was very near the last, of his unmitigated follies. NO. 27. I’IIJLISH CONUNDRUM. A Scotchman, so Sydney Smith falsely said, requires a surgical operation to get a joke through liis head. A writer in a contemporary, however, tells the story of a man who couldn’t get a conundrum through his head: There was a time with the club when conundrums and quaint play upon words constituted the chief of the post-prandial enjoyment. We had all furnished co nundrums except Phil; and we told him, one evening, if he didn’t have a good conundrum, fresh and new, for us on the following day, we would suspend him for neglecting to furnish his quota of enter tainment. That night Phil lingered behind after the others had gone, and then applied to our steward, Michael, to help him out from his difficulty. “Mike, give me a conundrum—a real fresh one—that’s a good fellow. Ton know I'll do as much for you any time. ” Mike knew it, and scratched his head; and finally evolved the following: “ It is my father’s child, and my mother’s child; yet it is not my sister nor my brother.” “Goodness mel Mike, how can that be?” 31 Why, don’t you see, Mr. Barton ? it’s myself. I am my father’s ohild, and my mother’s child; but, of course, I ain’t my own brother or sister, ei ther. ” “Hi ! I see! That’s good ! Capital 1 Now, let’s see !” And he repeated it until he was sure he had it right. On the following day, over the dessert, Phil announced: “ Ho, boys ! I’ve got a conundrum for you, and there ain’t one of you that con answer it.” “Go ahead, old fellow. Let us have it. Propound.” “ Well, here it is ; It is my father’s child and my mother’s ohild, yet it is not my sister nor my brother. ” They thought a few moments, and then one of them oried out, and the rest immediately followed suit: “Why, it’s yourself, of course.” "No,” said Phil, shaking his head. “ That ain’t it. You won’t guess it.” "But that is it. It can’t be anything else. Look at it for yourself. ” “I don’t care. ’Tain’t right. You haven’t got it.” " Well, then, who can it be? Tell us.” “ It’s our steward, Mike, MaeDou aal /” Guv® Logan has a friend who lived in Cuba, who used to observe some grand ladies driving out every afternoon with flowers in their hair, diamonds on their necks, and the volante full of the flounces of their profusely-trimmed silks. One day the vehicle upset and spilled the great ladies, when it was discovered that they had on neither shoes nor stock ings.