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TAMES S. OOLEHAN. EAIUr and Pr.prl.Ur, VOL. XII. ELLIJAY COURIER PUBLISHED EVERT THURSDAY -n- WALTER S. COLEMAN. GEWERALIpiRECTORY. Superior Court meets 3d Monday in May and 2nd Monday in Octol>er. COCNTT OFFICEBB. J. C. Allen, Ordinary. T. W. Craigo, Clerk Superior Court. M. L. Cox, Bheriff. J. R. Kinciad, Tax Collector, locke Langley, Tax Receiver. Jas. M. West, Surveyor. G. W. Rice, Coroner. Court of Ordinary meets Ist Monday in each month. TOWN COUNCIL. R. T. Pickens, Intendant. L. B. Oreer, ~j A. J. Huichison, „ . . J. P. Cobb, Jr., \ Commissioners. T. J. Long, J W. H, Foster, Marshal. RELIGIOUS SERVICES. Methodist Episcopal Church South— Every 8d Sunday and Saturday before. G. W. Griner. Baptist Church—Every 2nd and 8d Sunday, by Rev. E. B. Shope. Methodist Episcopal Church—Every Ist Saturday and Sunday, by Rev. T. G. Chase. FRATERNAL RECORD. W. A. Cox, W. M. J. 8. Tankersley, S. W. W. 8. Coleman, J. W. R. Z. Roberts, Treasurer. D. Gnrrrn, Secretary. E. B. Shope, 8. D. B. P. Whitaker, J. D. W.H. Foster, S. 8. J. C* Kell, J. S. S. P. Garrcn, Tyler. R. T. PICKENS, ATTORNEY AT LAW, ELLIJAY, GEORGIA. Will practice in all the conrts of Gil mer and adjoining counties. Estates and interest in land a specialty. Prompt attention given to all collections. DR. J. R. JOHNSON, Physician and Surgeon ELLIJAY, GEORGIA. Tendero his professional services to the people of Gilmer and surrounding coun ties and asks the support of his friends as heretofore. All calls promptly filled. ~ E. W. COLEMAN, ATTORNEY AT LAW, ELLIJAY, OA. IJi Will practio* in B;u Bidge Circnlt, Countj Court Juiticc Court of Gilmer County. Legal btuioeu solicited. ‘‘Frowptnws" is oar motto. DR. J. S. TftNXERSLEY. Physician and Surgeon, Tendon his professional Beryices to the ;iti fens of Eliij&y, Gilmer and surrounding com ksb. All calls promptly attended to. Office upstairs over the firm of Cobb & Son. RUFI WALDO THORNTON, D.D.S. DENTIST, Calhoun, Ga. Will visit Ellijay and Morganten at both the Spring and Pall term of the Superior Court—and oftener by special contract, when sufficient work is guar anteed to justify me in aakinsr the visit. Address a above. Ijn&vtl-li ADVERTISE —m— m HOME PAPE The best medium in this section. It will pay you. Bates Liberal. To your Home Paper. TIE BEST PAPE I IK THE COUNTY. BOOKS, THREE CENTS EACH! The following boobs are published In neat pamphlet form, printed from good readable type on pood paper, and many of them handsomely illustrated. They are without exception the cheapest books ever pub lished in any land or language, nnd ‘furnish to the masses of the people an opportunity to secure the best literature of the day at the most trittiDg expense. In any other series these great works would cost many times the price at which they are here offered. Each one is complete in itself: Wonder* of the World, Natural ard Other. Con tains descriptions and Illustration* of the moat wonderful worlcaoi nature and of mao. Very interesting and Instructive. Wonder* of the Sea. A description of the many wonder ful and beautiful tilings found at ll# bottom of the ocean, wltb profuse illuttiatlon*. “A l*leituro K(eitik w and Other Sketches. By “ Josish Allkn’i Wire." A collection of Irresistibly fanny •k'tches by the most popular .humorous writer of the day. The Aunt Kcarfnh Paper*, by Clara Aoocrr *. author of ••TOo Huge UiK-ueicnts." a most ridiculously funny book —ln a very way equal to "Widow Bedott.” Christmas Morlea, by Csmu Dicicsi. Contains a number of too m.*st charming Christmas atoriea aver written by the greatest writer who ever lived. Ear bone lseowpl-t-. Hound the Evealnjr Lamp* A book of etorls*, picture*, pottles and games, lor tho little folks a* boms. Popular Itecltatlona and Dialogues, bn moron*. drama tic and pathetic, iiif Mdiog all the latest, l>sst and most panels r. The ttelf-tnnde Men of Modem Times. Contains r*>r traits and biographic* of famous self insds Americans, from lUs lima of Franklin to the present familiar quotations. Containing lb* origin and author •hip of many p!iita frequently met In reading and ceovaraa> lion. A valuable work of re'srtprs. Lmm Life ta Now York. A series of vteld r*n |Hrteres • bowing lbs dark able of |i: la the great city. /W*ao , #i*/ Tkm Head to Wealth, Hot an advorilsiog circular, bat a ibnmofMy practical work, pointing • • by which alt ran/ make money, easily, rapidly and honestly Dan ll<indm-4 Popping Itfiii. eei>tUaet#!,peihotSc nod cwotir, tm lading muet wftho la voltes, now and oi i Air Seed*# flrir. A Dave I. By Are M*v no*a* f* sores A Uorterod firm A Hovel. i> Asaios. H*sal. An Old Maa*o BppHßoo. A Bevel. By Mr*. Asv . 1 Bear ess*. I M9Vg will mp 4 ftpp JfcATftfthg ****• bank* ItfPMMI f*t Ml t kH’i f*r ft* .'only IB€ nplM nyfe* fog Mf'WAtAlfthjrltu'M'vJjtf I6f i#C*pioitfee eniifoltaMhM*Midw,rr 1 5 • -I- * t.fig with doth tmei for Ml .fM, T<iiiatng*M*toot hntgnla ip le-dt* iMpt' lwt *• *tvdßb . • <#f il jßllifgitl wgp drafting arpupr* nrfhpdml Pttliig* giMPif tit* - * *“t p a* o**uvj iiUJHjr. wt rof*r u pay nawgpotwr publtgLe l in Bw Y‘>rk. ttkowsse fo tit# # • nm#e*|t A*t* r. A.* vodersti*imi y ICMTHIMII ASSowUIMIMI r. ILI.VrIVIiriMUw,R. WMiirnrOril,k, Urk. THE ELLIJAY COURIER. CROUP CONSUMPTION * m MULLEIN. The sweet jrura, as gathered from a tree of tb* eamo name, growing along the small streams in Ore Southern States, contains a stfmulntlng pectorant principle that loosens the phlegm pro Ducing the early morning cough, and stimulate* the cli i Id to tli row off the fal so mem bra no 1 n croup and whooping-cough. When combined with the 1 - healing mucilaginous principle in the mullein plant of the old holds, proaentG in Taylor’s LHEROKEE lIB.MKDY OF SWEET GVM AND MUL LEIN the tineet known remedy lor Cougha, Croup, Whoopinjecough and consumption; and so pala table, any child Is pleased to take it. Ask your Snurgist for it. Price JWie. ami SI.OO. Wi LTF.KA.TAYLOtt, Atlauta.Ga. The BEST PIANOS and ORGANS IN THE WORLD Are manufactured and sold for the least money by V j.. I '* B *'* l ' S* rfrEETHOVEN" PIANO ORGAN CO. ARBUCKLES’ name on a package of COFFEE is a guarantee of excellence. ARIOSA COFFEE is kept in all first-class stores from the Atlantic to the Pacific. COFFEE is never good when exposed to the air. Always buy this brand in hermetically sealed ONE POUND PACKAGES. The Foreelllnl liable.. A SvW. By 11. T. Cnmt*. The Old Oaken Cheat. A Novel. Hy Sylvanub Cobb. Jr, The Pearl ffif the Ocean. A Novel. By Claba Augusta. Hollow Ash Hall- A Novel. By Haugahkt Blouht. Ttkut&aUd. CltflTe Hoim. A Novel. By Err* W. Firncr. Under the Lilac*. A Novel, liy tho author of “ Dora Tboroo.” The Diamond Bracelet. A Koval. By Mr*. Ilsaar Wood. JUuetratrd. The Lawyer* Necret. A Karel. By M*aa M. E. Bbaodov. The fttrance CWof Dr. Jekyll nnd JUr. Hyde. A Norat. By H. X- ftTKVkaeolf. A Wicked Olrl. A Howl. Br Mar Ckcil Bat. Lady >alworths Diamond*. A Novel. 3y “ Tn* Dura cm.” Between Two Pina. A Novel. By the antltor *f “ Dora Tharne/* JUuttrnfui. The Nine of Heart*. 8y8. !.. ftwio*. Boris's Fortum-. 4 Kovel, by Pi.oa Wakmv. A Low Murriaer. A Kovel. By Ml** Mclotr. fUue The Utility Hiver. AKowkKyWMmCof.ua*. The Pol-on of Aaoa. A Koval. By FM*r*c* Makbtav. Moot 4*rawe. A Novel, by Mr*. Wooo, f’urgfit* the Fetlem- A Navel. Ky Mrs. .u .yawps*. A Floy vt right** Dattffbur. A Kovel. By Mrs. A• f-lviiM. t'nlr hut A Kovel. By tho Wh<r of “Bm* TWn# M mu.tr at. 4. Lnnreotor** Cabin. A Koval. By Dr* M.v.Vmro*. Floevoeo |Ha*taaf Kill, a Kovel, fy Mf#. Ma*v TmVnmo MnUW. A Kovel- Sp wr.J.U.GoWtt* TbvCollfomln C'nbla. A** It D . "A MAP OP BUST LI PH—ITS PLUOTVATIONS AMD ITB VAST OOECH&NS. ” ELLIJAY. GA.. THUBSDAY, JANUARY 19. 1888. A TRINITY Sweet Faith Is like the daisy bright. With heart of gold and petals white, That blooms from mom until the night, And wakes from day to day. Each year, from spring till winter’s gloom, Then only sleeps Again to bloom And cheer life's nigged way. Fair Hope is like the cedar tree; Ho matter what the season be, Its verdure we may ever see. It tells us constantly— Though faded are the wayside flowers, Though lonely are the winter hours, Of immortality. But Love, the greatest of them all, Blooms winter, summer, spring and fall, Hor night nor death its strength appall Through all eternity Sweet Faith, Fair Hope within it dwell All flowers of its beauties tell— • A perfect trinity. —Emile Pickhanit. : A GREAT MUTINY. Many years ago, before the English gave up Tasmania as a penal colony, I was a cabin boy on the Australian packet Queen Bess. In those days every packet to Australia was crowded with emigrants, soldiers and adventurers, and on this oc casion our passenger list had a great many of the latter. There seemed to be ! a regular hegira of bad men from Liver pool and London about that date, and Til venture to say wo had fifty' aboard who had no respect for the laws of tho land or the high seas. I was thirteen years old the day we left Liverpool, and I had already made one voyage to Australia and return with Captain Flemming. While wo carried three cabin boys, I was engaged to wait on the Captain alone. lie was very kind and fatherly to me from the first day I set foot on his ship, and I had a much Eleasanter lot than usually falls to the oy who takes to the sea for a living. I don’t say that I was any keener than the average boy of my age, but somehow when I came to look over our crowd as wo were about ready to sail I saw trouble ahead. Two or three trifling incidents helped me to make up my mind to this. Most of the sailors who iiad been the other voyage had reshipped for this one. There was one whom I positively hated —a tall, evil-eyed, liang-dog fellow—and on the night before sailing, as I was doing an errand for the first mate, Mr. Cotton, at a public house dear tho dock, I saw this sailor and two evil-looking landsmen in close conversation over their ; ale. It so happened that I stood near them while waiting, and I heard one of the men address the sailor with: “Now, Bill, it is all understood.” “Yes.", . “If they come aboard we are to help 'em take the ship. ’’ “We are.” “The women and jchildron and such as don’t carAto join us are to'be I faded somewhere, afid then for a free and-easy life.” “That’s the talk, mate,” exclaimed Bill. “And it is to be an even divide ot cash all around?” put inthesccoud lands man. “It is. We shall have to have officers, of course, but one man will boas good as another, and it shall be share and share alike." “Anil liow many men have you sounded ?” Bill spread his great, hairy hand on the table and couuted oft on his fingers. “There’s Jack—and Tom—and Rob bins—and Whistler—and—but I guess that's all. It’s too early yet. When you want a man for desperate work don’t give him too long to think of it.” At this point I was called away, and when I returned to the ship Iwentdiect ly to the Captain’s cabin andielatednll I had. hoard.-. Some s.ea Captains, in their arrogance and conceit, would ffiave covered jne witli contempt. Captain Flemming listened to me attentively un til I had .unshed, and then he sent me to call Air. Cotton and Mr. Johnson, the latter being the second mate. I had to repeat the conversation lor their benefit. Mr. Cotton didn’t take much stock in my story. lie was one of those opinion ated men who never take kindly to any thing coming second hand. Mr. Hob inson believed I had overheard all I said, but scouted the idea that there was any plan against the ship. They were or ■ aered to keep their eyes o'pen in every direction from the hour we sailed, and when they had gone the Captain turned to me with: “Now, Albert, I am satisfied in my own mind, from the character of some of the passengers going out with us, that a plot of some sort is hatching. You can come and go without suspicion. Begin ning to-morrow, I want you to keep cir culating through the ship. Keep your eyes and ears open day and night and you neeil do no other work. Whenever you see or hear anything suspicious let me know.” Most of the roughs and toughs came aboard at the last hour. They had lots of friends to take a parting drink with, and four-fifths of them were the worse for liquor. I stood at the gangway and sized each one up as they came aboard, and I wondered greatly that the officers didn’t seem to notice what a rough crowd they were. The fact that nearly all of them seemed to know each other was in itself a suspicious incident, at least to ray mind. I noted also, that in the first hour of sailing many of the toughs seemed to be acquainted with a round dozen of our men before the mast. From the hour of sailing I was the ghost of the ship. I was engaged in a work which interested my whole nature, and I was too excited to sleep more than an hour at a time. While I had access to every part of the ship, I spent most of my lime either with the sailors in the forecastlo or the passengers in the steerage. I remembered the faces of the two men I had seen with Bill in the public house, and realizing that they would lie st the head of any plot, I hung around them like a coast fever. We had lieeu out thirteen days Leforc 1 pick' and : unit single word, and'by that time I bad almost made myself believe that I had brought the ( aplain a cock-and-bull j story. In going among the steerage passengers I put on an old anit, and those people Aiippoaad I had parenta aboard and was going to tho new land. I also assumed a trifling way, and it was com mon enough to heat them say to each other that I was light in the upper atory. I hung about the to men a great deal, and as I made them -presents of tobacco aud ran errands for them, they never drove me away. It was on the afternoon of the thirteenth day that the men were sitting on their chests, and I pretended to be asleep on a bundle of stuff near them, that they were joined by three other men. The five were quite by themselves, aud thejc Jgu! no sooner come together than Bill said; * “I have good ntws for you. We have twelve sailors won over, and there are men among the passengers fit to command a frigate who will gladly join with-us when the -timo comes. How many names have you got down, Dick?” “Thirty-eight,” replied a gruff voice, which I knew to belong- to a short, broad backed mau with red hair and the look of a prize fighter. “Siqce we started out some of the men have turned chicken hearted, and arc afrsM of the noose, but as soon as we striked bk>w there are six or eight more who will be with us.” “Thirty-eight and twelve are fifty.” mused Dick. “That’s enough, if wo move together and-taovQright, to capture a man-of-war. It’s too early to plan yet. We’ll just kesp o*h minds made up, watch the officers nnd passengers, and four weeks from now will be time to settle the details.” There was lots more talked, and when I could get away and lijive an interview with the Captain in his cabin I told him some things which male his eyes-flash. Ho fully realized tl.it a plot to capture tho ship was hatching, but he had several weeks in which to prepare to checkmate it, and was not in Urn least rattled. He cautioned me to say nothing to the mates or to any of the passengers, and ordered me to continue my espionage of the Sus pected passengers. .Wfhad on board, if I remember aright, aboflt 150 soldiers and citizens ns first class passengers. The soldiers numbered abopt thirty. There were perhaps twenty young men who wore going out to take Government posts. The rest of tho first class passengers were tourists, speculators,ranchmen and women nnd children. I 1 joked tho lot over very thoroughly, and made up my mind that we haufrom sixty to soventy men among the first class who could be depended on to stand by the Captain. The emigrants counted up fully 250, but thero were not over fifty men. A good thirty of the lot were single womon going out to take service, and the rest were wives and children. I figured that there were only seven men in the steer who could fight for a ship. They could not well be counted on, however, for a couple of ruffians, armed with pistols, could hold them in oluck when the hour camo. AVo had soni 1 twenty-six sailors, a carpenter, a l>oa!s'*in. a doctor, a steward, four cooks, aim two mates. If all were loyal ami she ship was not taken by surprise, them were men enough to put. thr; motioee t* dqjvn pretty qrjek. But all were not loyal Twelve of tuo sailors had already been won over, and when tho hour came to strike it was likely the number would lie increased to twenty. I figured, and I think the cap tain did too, that it would about he An even thing in numbers. After I made my second report he gave me orders to clean up all the firearms and load them afresh. These were all kept in his cabin, together with a lot of cutfassos and boarding pikes, ntul I spent twe days on the weapons without any one being the wiser. What bothered the Captain was to know when the attack was to bo made, ami ho could hardly dfee the object of one. No sane man, no matter how tough lie was,could think of capturing the ship nnd playing pirate with her. She had no eannoHj .and in a few days at most would lie hunted down by some war vessel. Mr?' Cotton believed there was some plot to which the capture of the ship was only a part, but, try as hard as I could, I eould not get at the secret until lons' weeks had passed, and the remainder of our voyage was only a question of days. Then, one day, I got it quite by acci dent. Iliad gone Into the forecastle at noon to see what I'could pick up among the sailors. I crept into- one of the bunk's and pulled a blanket over me, and in about an hour, or after the watch be low had eaten their dinner, the ruffian who had done most of the talking with our Hill in the public house came down among the men. It was against orders, but he had somehow slipped past the mates. I now heard him called Sam. ;It seemed that all the watch below, as well as a part of that on duty, were in the plot, and they made no bones of speak ing. Itfyprc-cnoc was, of course, unsus pected. Then came to light what was afterward known throughout England as the “Winston Conspiracy,” of which the papers were full for months. .John Win ston, a noted and wealthy sporting man, was convicted of robbery and sentenced to penal servitude. He had a brother James, who interested friend* in an effort to rescue him. Some were in for money and some for the love of adventure. It took them a year or more to lay their plans, and the money used up amounted to over A15,000. Three or four of the conspirators secured places as guards in the jienal colony, a sloop was purchased of a coast trader, and when the Queen Bess sailed she took with her B*<passen gers the rest of the gang. It was to be calculated in Australia when she would appear off the coast. Winston and other hard characters were to make a break, secure the sloop, and stand out to sea. When they met the ship they were to run her aboard, and. with the help of the gang in the steerage, capture her. Women nnd children and such as would not join them were to be put ashore on some island and the ship headed for America. It was confidently expected she would reach that country in safety, and there was no law which would give the pirates up to justice. The Queen Bess was now within five days’ sail of the coast, and Sam had come down to ar range the particular. He believed the officers in total ignorance of the plot, and had do doubt of success. All w ere to be on the watch for the sloop, and as soon as she was sighted every mutineer was to appear on deck. If the sloop showed signals of distre-s nndaboat was sent off, then the ship was to be taken while the boat was gone. If the sloop ran the ship aboard, as if by accident, the tight was to begin the moment the mameuvre was put into execution. Everything wan given away, and I Iny there nnd heard every word, nnd after wntd got out of the forecastle without being noticed and reported to the Cap tain. His first move was to call the mates down, and afterward such passen gers as be felt certain of. Very luckily for us, there was a trader aboard who was taking a lot of revolvers out to Australia, with other traps. They were the American Colt, and were a novelty then. He had twenty-four of them in his trunk, and when tliey had been taken into the cabin and loaded we felt certain what the outcome of the mutiny would be. The conspirators were no doubt supplied with pistols and knives, but we had six shots to their one. Nearly every male passenger was taken into the Cap tain’s confidence, and it spoke well for their discretion that not one single hint of what was taking place reached the ears of the fellows impatiently biding their, time in the steerage. At 10 o’clock in the forenoon, when wo wore about a hundred miles off the coast, a trusty sailor who had beoq sent into the forerigging, ostensibly to make repairs, but in reality to watch for the sloop, came slowly down and reported her in sight from his elevation. In half an hour more she would be visible from the decks, and the conspirators would thon make ready. During this half hour the revolvers were distributed, the loyal passengers placed at advantageous points, and the sailors who were in the plot were sent aloft on one pretext and another. They had no other weapons but theii sheath knives, and one man with a re volver could hold four or five of them in the rigging. When tho Sloop was at last reported, we saw a movement among the conspira tors and knew that they were making ready. The sloop was coming down with tho wind, while we were making long tacks to starboart and port. Under these circumstances she oould not well lay us aboard. Up went a signal of dis tress as soon as slio thought wo could see it, and she was brought into the wind to wait for us. We made a reach to the north, and then as we came back on the other tack we swung into tho wind not a cable’s length from the sloop. She was a small craft, her decks not more than two feet nbove water, and there were seven men to be seen above her rail. Our captain picked up his trumpet and shouted: “Sloop, ahoyl What sloop is that?" One of the men made a trumpet of his hands and shouted back: “The Annie of Sydney.” “Whit’s your trouble?” “Sprung a leak and going down. Send a boat aboard and take us off.” The captain had planned for this, and the boat was all ready. There wore irons and muskets gndcr the seats, and the third mute and two of tho disloyal sailors and five truo men were told to go off in her. No sooner had they left the ship than the muskets were produced, the mate Informed the two sailors that their plot was discovered, and the boat pulled straight for the sloop. .When she got. alongside, tho fho armed men clam- TiWWi up, ana, after a biW rtWiflirf, in which Winston was killed, the other six surrendered. Meanwhile wo’iiad our hands full aboard the ship. soon as the boat pulled away Sam gave the signal for tho uprising, and inside of a minute the con flict was raging from forecastle to cabin doors. The ordeis to passengers were to shoot to kill and tliey obeyed. It 1b ’due to tho conspirators to say they made a brave light 1 Had wo not been fully prepared for them they would have taken the ship in five minutes. As it was. they killed two men, woqpded five ana kept the light going for ten minutes. Thon they sought hiding places. Only two sailors actually participated in the attack on tho ship. These two and twenty-three of tho conspirators were shot dead, ami of the seven others wounded live died before we got In. The rest of the gang were hunted up one by oac and clapped in irons, and were tried and hanged on land. Three sailors suffered with them and the rest wore let off. There was a great overhauling of officials at Tasmania, a rigorous punish ment was meted out to the recaptured convicts, and for tho next*live yeors (lapt. Flemming and his good ship were the talk of the land and sea. He gave me due "credit for my share of (he work, as also did the publio and the owners of the Queen Bess, and the voyage home Was my last. I left the ship's cabin for a scholarship at Eton. —New York Sun. Tlic Sparrow Nuisance. The English sparrow is an enemy of our native songsters and drives them away; he is the foe of the gardener and fruit grower, because he expels the in sectivorous birds, and then solaces him self with the young plants, the buds and the fruit; he is destructive to the grape crop, and a rapacious feeder thereupon. In ten days, sparrows in Australia robbed a single vineyard of 3,000 pounds of grapes. This bird is an enemy to the grain growth, and destroys the grain in the milk, as well as eats hnd wastes it in the ripened head. He detiles building* and destroys the vines that cling to them. He is not a destroyer of insects. These boldly festoon the haunts of the sparrow with webs, and fasten their cocoons to them. At first he had the reputation of destroying caterpillars, and the measuring worm. But now our Ctesar feeds on more toothsome meat. The State Entomologist of New YorK has proven by observation, that the cater pillar thrives where the sparrow most abounds, and the some conclusion is reached by more than one English ento mologist. The loss from sparrows in England is put at $1,000,000 a year. In Australia the loss is greater, and in the United States it surpasses computation. —American A'jriculturiit. A Moonshiner’s Still. “Over in Chambers county, Ala., right near the Troup county line, I found on Sunday the queerest distillery I ever saw.” So said it even ue Agent Willborn Colquitt yesterday. “I was with Deputy Marshal Julc Johnson and Deputy Mar shall Eichelbergcr, of Alabama. The owner of the still hud made a boiler by splitting a poplar, probably two feet and a half in diameter, hollowing it out and lining it with copper. Three barrels were used as stills, and these were so ar ranged that there was double distillation. The worm was a long tin pipe with an elbow at each end. The distillery would doubtless make thirty gallons of liquor a day. We caught two nogroea, but couldn’t find the owner of the still" —Atlanta l < 'Janet it u> ton. BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. Many Difficulties—Sha Felt So. Too— Happiness All Rocend—The Fa ther's Complaint—The Bur glar Was In Ltiok, Etc. “So yon are an artist,” said the talka tive old lady to the young man whom she met on the train. “Y'es, madam.” “I suppose you hsve many difficulties in your profession, don’t you?" “Y'es," replied the young man meekly, “there are a great many posers.”—Mer clt ant-Traveler. . Slio Felt. So, Too. “Laura,” qaid the young man, despair ingly, “I know it is growing late, but this may be the last evenings J shall ever see you. If there is no hope for me, Laura—if your answer this, night is a final one—there is no happiness for me in this world except in the grave. YVide and deep it yawns beforo me, but I fear it not. It yawns” ‘So do I,George; so do I,” said Laura, wearily. —Chico jo Tribune. Happiness All Round. Bobby had been a pretty good little boy all day and his father was very much pleased. “You will find, Bobby,” said the old man, “that virtue is its own roward. I mean that every time you do what you ought to do you will feel good over it. Do you understand?” “Oh, yes,” responded Bobby, intelli gently, “and now, pa, if you’ll give me another piece of pie you’ll feel good,too.” —New York Sun. The Burglar Was in Luck. Mr. Poots—“Where is that burglar, Maria? Where is he? Where’s the villain gone?” Mrs. Foots—“ Gone to tho station house. Oh, dear, I’m so distracted. A policeman camo and took him. Oh, John, why did you leave me all alone when the alarm rung and run into the garret?” “Why did I run into the garret? I keep my arms in the garret, that’s why.” “But yon’ve been gone an hour.” “Took over an hour to oil up my gun and grind my hatchet. But it’s lucky for the burglar that my arms were not in order. —Ttms Siftings. Bills in His Desk. Pretty Cousin (in young lawyer’s office —“That is a beautiful desk, Charley I” Young lawyer (complacently)—“Yes, and it’s so convenient. That pigeon hole, you see, Maude, is marked ‘Bills Payable,’ the next one ‘Bills Receivable’ and—’ Pretty Cousin—“ What a quantity of Bills-Payable, Charley 1” Young lawyer—“Well-er-Yes.” Pretty Cousin—“And the ‘Bills Re ceivable’pigeon-hole is quito empty.” Young lawyer—“ Er-a-a-well, fhave’nt got the desk fixed up yet, Maude." Pretty Oouain—“Oh I”— Epoch. Tho Father’s Complaint. A tall Missourian called at the district school and, eyeing the teacher sternly, said:. > “My boy Henry tells me you whipped him lastevoning.” “Y'es,” assented the teacher, edging toward the door, "but he deserved it, I assure you,” “And he says you used a rawhide on himi” “Yes, sir, but ” “And you slapped him with your hands as well?” “I did; but I assure you " “Assure nothin’. Let me give you a E" iter. When you have to punish that use a club. He doesn’t care for raw ss.”—Nebraska Slate Journal. At Three in the Morning. , He. was leaning against the iitrup-.post, and the watchful guardian of the night came up very respectfully. “Fine night, Mr. Jones.” “Bootiful.” “You’re out rather late, ain’t you?” ‘ ‘No, no—about my usual time. ” ' “Are you waiting for somebody?” “No, no—going nome. A little tired, that’s all; a little tired. ” “11l walk down with you and see you to your door.” “Thank you, thank you, but there’s no need. The other side of the block will be ’round this way in a moment, and I’ll just pop in when my door comes along. Thank you. Good night. Blood Will Tell. Charlie, aged eight, brought home a •linking yellow pup, bow-legged, droop ing-tailed and shame-faced. He cared for it tendefly, fixed a dry-goods box in the back yard for a kennel, and on' every possible occasion exhibited the animal proudly. His sister, Ella, age eighteen, isked him facetiously: . “Where did you get that dog?” “I bought him from a man for twenty- Bve cents, ” with the pride of ownership. “Mercy! The idea of paying twenty fit-e cents for that horrible beast I” Charlie’s eyes flashed indignantly. “He isn’t horrid. That shows how much • girl knows. The man told me he is a full-blooded cur.”— Portfolio. Real Neighborly. The family had just moved into the neighborhood, and their social statns had not yet been defined, when a small boy appeared at the nearest house and politely said: “Ma’s eomplerments, an’ ken yer loan her a frvin’ pan?” The frying pan was duly loaned, and In a few moments back came tbe boy. “Ma’a eomplerments—kin yer let her hev a pound of pork to grease the pan?” After some deliberation the pork was riven, and the neighbars were rehearsing tho circumstances when again the small ’ey: •‘Ma’s eomplerments. an’ hev yer a sup •f tea to wash down the pork?” But they drew the line at tea. —Detroit free Preu. Tho Ear Trumpet Was Missing. An honored guest at one of tho up- j own hotels recently was a portly and ; ligniiled old lady. She was dressed in 1 ustliog black silk, and a stiff white cap, *I.OO Per Aon am. In A4vuw. NO. 44. and even the clerk was awed by her pretence and conversation It waa a highly edifying tight at meal houra to watch the head waiter obsequiously oon veying this piece of ancient res potability across the dining hall to a seat. Increas ing deafness led the old lady always to carry an ear trumpet with her. but the presence of that implement did not de tract from thq impressiveness of the scene. The ceremony of seating having been duly performed, she would order her meal, and the waiter having humbly dropped a few words of explanation or suggestion into the business end of the trumpet, would depart on his mission. It happened, however, a few mornings ago that the old lady reached the break fast table without her t’—mpet. She did not seem troubled at forgetting it, but adjustingher glasses inspected the bill of fare and ordered breakfast, concluding with a request for some fishbails. “There ain’t any fishbails,ma’am,"said tho waiter, respectfully. “I prefer them done brown, "she said. “There ain’t any fishbails this morn ing.” “And I wish yon would tell the cook not to fry. them in lard. Use a little piece of salt pork.” . “There ain’t any—" .“And wait a moment. Tell her to be very careful not to use halibut for fish balls instead of codfish. I understand it is frequently done.” “There ain’t any fishbails to-day,” re peated the waiter m loud tones. “You really ought not to serve fish balls every day, John,” she said, pleas antly. “Tho old New England way was to have them for Sunday breakfasts.” “Theroain’t any fishbails,” shouted the waiter. “Yes, serve them with parsley.” The unfortunate waiter glanced help lessly about, and then bending down to the old lady’s ear, in tones that pro claimed it to the entire dining room, he roared out again: “There ain’t no fish balls to-day 1” “Why didn’t you say so, then? John," she added, gazing at the flushed waiter severely over her spectacles, “i think you have been drinking. You have been muttering to yourself there for the last five minutes. Nevermind about theflsh balls, but I shaii report you to the clerk.” —New York Tribune. An Affecting Appeal. The following is said by the Herald ot Health to have been written in French by Benjamin Franklin: I take the liberty of addressing my self to all the friends of youth and to beseech them to have compassion upon my misfortune and help me to conquer the prejudice of which 1 am the ianooent victim. I am one of two twin sisters of our family. The two eyes in the head do not resemble each other more completely than 1 and my own sister do. : My sister and I oould perfectly agree together JL-lt was not tor tlw partiality of our parents, who.favor her to my great humiliation. From my infancy I was taught to look upon my sister as if she was of a higher rank than I. My parents allowed me to grow up without any instruction, while they did not spare any cost on the educa ti >n of my sister. She had professors of writing, drawing, musio and other useful and ornamental performances; but if I happened to touch a pencil, a pen, or a needle, ! was severely reprimanded, and more than once 1 was even beaten for being clumsy. It is true that my sister likes my company and .does not despise mv co operation occasionally, but always claims uperiority, nnd only calls upon me rhen she needs my assistance.. ;.Vow, ladies and gentlemen, I do not uelieve that my complaints are dictated by vanity, oh, rol they have a more serious basis. My sister and I are charged by our parents with the work of procuring the necessities of life. Now, if some sick ness should befall my sister, and make her unablg.to work (and I tell you in confidence,’ my Bister is subject to cramps, rheupnttlstti, gout, and many other ail ments), what will become of our family? Alas I we shall perish in misery, for I will not be able oven to draw up a supplica tion -for obtaining charity. Even for this present petition I have been obliged to use a stranger’s hand.' Oh I how my parents will yet regret having established such an unjust dis tinction between two sisters who re semble each other so nearly. Will you be so kind, ladies and gentle men, as to make my parents realize how unjust it is to b*so partial in their treat ment of their children; and how neces sary it is for them to bestow their care and affection upon their offspring in equal measure. I am, ladies and gentlemen, with the greatest respect, your most humbles ser vant, The Left Hand. Electricity v. Hanging. Governor C. P. Johnson, of Bt. Louis, says: ‘‘l think the day is not faPdiatant when the hangman’s noose will be done away with. There arc so many things attendant on a hanging that are not humane. The horrors of the human mind when contemplating such a death have been betrayed in “The Execution," in the “Ingoldsby Legends,” better, per haps, than Victor Hugo’s interpretation; yet neither of them could describe that worst of all men’s feeling—moral fear. Regardless of the stolid features when the death warrant is being read, there is no indication of the awful mental drama going on in the brain. It must of nature e the agony of agonies. The neck twinges and the flesh feels the noose long before it is adjusted. The knot that is to knock into instantaneous insensibility the scaffold’s victim batters away at the ear until every muscle of the neck is stretched to tbe tension of steel springs; the veins, like whipcords, are dilated with rushing blood that fires the brain with the lividness of a hundred hells;' while standing on the trap a man must die a dozen deaths before the life spark expires when f K e hemp is stretched. I say that this death it not humane. As I view It, electricity should be used, and the criminal shocked to death. This is not only instantaneous, but it could !>e administered at an un guarded moment to the felon. He should uever know when be was to die, and therefore he would not be living ia that horrid contemplatica of . a set day. | think the time in not fnr distant when this method of execution will bf adopted."