Hamilton journal. (Hamilton, Harris Co., Ga.) 1876-1885, May 17, 1876, Image 1

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VOL. IV.--NO. 18 THEJOURNAL LY LA H ATT IS & tiRAKHKItuY. CASH SUnsCRII’IION RATES. One ropy one Teir One ropv nix months * Jj” Out* copy three months 11) Anyone fuviiisl'irj? five Ki'hpciihevs, with the money, will ro--eivc* st copy tree hwbpcriijerH vi lihi'i their papers chfincoo from (ir,c pn t-office to mother. must stite the name of the pOft office from "liich thev Tvifh it rh'vnpctl, tirf well us that to which thev wish it sent. All siihst ripti >n must l e p*H in advance. 'Did paper will hr* stoj ]'o<l ut tliocufi of the time paid for, unless Bubsciiptions tire pre viously renewed Fifty numbers complete the year. CASH ADVERTISING RATE*. Space 1 mo 8 moK (I in os **- ni* s 1 in, h $ 2 ho $ 4 fiO TTOO * 10 00 2 inches.. 450 725 11 00 18 00 8 inches .. 600 fl 00 15 00 22 00 4 inches.. 550 11 00 18 00 27 00 J column.. 050 14 00 25 00 85 00 l column.. 12 50 25 00 40 00 00 00 1 colnmn.. 22 00 11 00 0.2 00 100 08 Maniaces and deaths not exceeding six Sues will he published tree Payment* t he marie qe irterly in auvaneo, actor to schedule rites, unless otherwise agree * upon. Persons sending advertisements will the length of tim- thev wish them published nnd tin* spare they want them to OC -u*y P tidies adverti'insr by contract ''ill he re trie ted to their legitimate l" sirens Legal Advertisements. Sheriffs sales. |cr inth. four weeks.. .S3 50 “ mortgage ti f<i sales, per inch, eight weeks ■ ■ • ® Citnim for letters of ndrainwtrntion, pniipiianshio, etc., tliirtv days 3 00 Notice to de ! ‘ti>is anil creditors of an estate, forty davs ■ • ,J Application for leave to sc 1 land, four weeks 4 00 Pales of iand, etc., per in h. forty_<iavs 5 00 “ “ perishable property, per inch, ten dav - Application for letters of dismisrion from _ euardi inshio. fortv davs. . . ° 1 Application for letters of dismission from r administration, three ninths ‘ ol Establishing lost papers, the full space of three months, per inch ‘ vu Compel limr titles from executors or ad ministrators -vliere bond has hcc-n given bv the deceased, the full space of three months, per inch J dll Es ray notices, thirty days 300 Ku e for foreclosure of mortgage, four months, mon lily, per in-h. 'J™ Kale of insolvent papers, thirty days... •> 00 Homestead, two week- * 73tASineiS Cares TDr. T- i_> J"exils.lxas. .-V: > "... des m TKT -• - HAMILTON, GA. J. M. MOBLEY, attorney at law, IIA MILTON, GA. Will continue to practice law in all tlie Plate and United Suites Courts. TUOS. S. MITCHELL , M. L>., Resident Physician and Surgeon, I’AMILTON GEOP.GIA Special a tent’on given to operative surgery. %3T- Terms Cash J, T. Blount. H. C. Cameron. JiL O VET & CA MEII ON , ATTORNEYSAT LAW, HA.illLTl.fi, liELKGIA Will practice in tlie State and Federa Cos mis. Office in the Court House. ALOMO A. LOZIEIi, Attorney akd Coukseloe at Law, VOLK MU US, GA. Practices in Slate and Federal Courts in o<.o gia ana AUmain u Make' Cotuu.ercial 1 jiw a hi ecialty. Oiii.o over No. 1-0 Colum bus, Ua. r tleul-ly Hines Dozier, ATTORNEY-AT LAW, HAMILTON, GEORGIA Will practice in the Chattahoochee Circuit, or anywhere else. Office in the Northwest corner of the Court-house, up-*t hs. jnB Columbus Dental Rooms, W. T. TOOL, Proprietor, Ciorgia Home finildin?, rnlumbos Gil CENTRAL HOTEL, Colu.mL)US, C, a- Airs. S. E. Yt'oLDRiDf.E, Pr< p’ss. L. 1. Harvey, Clerk. R. A. RUSSELL. C. R. Rl':-SEELL RUSSELL & R USSEL L, Attorneys at Lair, COLUMBUS, - - - ' - GA. Will ’practice in the” State and F derjl Court* ffice ore r Aaw & Mnrdcck's fctore, 100 Broad S reet, ( ! itnl : Gi. WHICH SHALL IT 11 Kf [A ricli man li > lin<l tio children proposed to a poor relative "ho had seven, to take one of them, and prom ised if the pan ms would consent that he would* give them property enough to m ike themselves and their other six children comfortable for life.] Which sh 11 it be? Which shall it be? I lo deed at John. John looked at roe ? And when I found that I roust speak My voice seemed strangely low ami weak — “Tell roe again wlut Robert said;” And then I, listening, bent mv Leal TIL is Ids lelt r : “ I w l ]’ give A Lome nnd land, where you shall live, If, in return, from out your seven, One child to me for aye is given ” I looked at John’s old garments worn ; I thought of all that I had borne Of poverty, and work and earn, Wi.iuh I, though willing, could not share; I thought of seven young mouths to lee I, Of seven little children's need, And then of this. n Come, John,” said I, “We’il choose among them a* thev lie Asleep ” So, walking h nI in hand, Dear John and I. surveyed our band ; First to the cradle lightl ■ stepped, Where hili m, the b diy, slept. Softly the father stooped lo lay His r ugh hand down in a levrna way, When dream or whisper made her stir, And huskily he said, “ Not h r!” We stooped beside the trundle bed, Ami one long ray of lamplight shed Athwnt the boyish faces lieie, In sleep so beautiful and fair. I saw on Jamas’ rough, red cheek A tear un died. Ere John could speak.* “ He’s hut a baby, too,” i-ai I I, And kiss, and bi n as we hurried by. Rile, patient Robbie’s angel face Slip ,n Lis sleep bore guff ling’s trace “ No, for a thousand crowns not him !” lie whispeied while our eyes were dim. Poor Dak ! bad Dick ! our wayward son— Tui Indent, rest'ess, idle one— Could he he spared V Nay; He who gave Bade ut* b frit iul him to tut* grave; Only a mother’s heait count be Patient enough tor such us he ; An l so said John, ” 1 w-.r.ld not dare To take uim from her 1 ai.-id ■ pray er. Then stole we gof ly tip above, And knell by Miry, child of love, *• Perhaps f r h r 'twould better be,” I said to John. Quite silent y He lifted up*a curl th .t lay Across hei check in a v litul way, And shook hi- head: “Nay, love n it the;!’ dhe while my heart 1-eit audib’y. Only one more. or,r i Ida t lad, Tru ty and truthful, good and glad, tlo li’;e l.is f'th-r “N •, John, no I cannot, will not, let him go.” And so we wrote in a courteous way, We could not give one child away ; And afterwards toil liahter seemed, Thinking of that of which eve dreamed, Happy in truth that not one face Was mie.-cd fr an its aceu-tomed place; Thankful to w ok for all the seven, Trusting the rest to One in heaven. A MOUNTAIN COURT SCENE HOW THE NAME OP “MOTHER” SAVED A LIFE. Oli] Job Dawson had been duly elected to the responsible position of Justice of the Peace, end this war the first case that demanded his at tention. Job was a veteran moun taineer, nlnl had lived in the shadow of the lofty peaks, hunting, trapping and fighting Indians, to use his own word-, “since Adam was a kid.” In that rough region an aeons ition of a great crime against, any one is but a forerunner of a “hanging bee,’’ and a trial is seldom thought of. But in the present instance a wild “cuss” who had been frequenting the settle ment had been appropriating the “broncho”(lndian pony), belonging to a neighboring ranchman, had been pursued, captured and brought hack. Old Job was summoned to try the culprit, and a spot in the rocky gulch near the squire’s cabin was selected for the site of the inves tigation. A motly crowd ofhunt< rs, trappers, minors and rancheros were present. Some were lying on the ground and other were sitting upon :he rocks, ail anxiously awaiting the squire’s coming. Job soon came from towards the cabin, and, with dignified air, seated himself upon a boulder, took off bis bear-skin cap and said: “Fellers, the court are ready to git down to b ; z, an’ I want ver all to choose yer racket, an' let np on that chin music according to law. '1 brow ver hair in sight, an’ pay ’tention to the court.” Every bat cam' 1 off at this com mand, and Ilis Ilorter, glancing around the the circ'e, said: “VV bar is the cuss? ” The nio'jn'.Yu-.crs, jrracd with HAMILTON, HARRIS CO., GA., WEDNESDAY, MAY 17, 1876. Ilenry r iles and fix-sli colors, step ped forward w ith the tlielf, u young m m wearing a devil-may-care ex j pression. 11 is hands wore securely j fastened behind his back with buck skin thongs. Clad in buckskin from bead to foot, lie presented a pictur esque appearance as lie faced the squire. “Wat do yor call ycr name when ycr at lienit- V ** asked the court. “Ain’t got any home, leastways in these pans,’* sullenly replied the prisoner. “Ain’t hey? Well, what’s the name yjr tuk when yor left the Slates, then?’’ “The boys hyar on the hills call me Tiger Jim.’’ “Well, Tigo, ycr spotted a lioss thief, an’ I reckon thar’s something in it, or the boys wouldn’t a brought you in. you can’t expect a trial like you’d get down iti Laramie, or in env of them towns along toe road. We haven’t cny paper, pens or ink, or eny of that foolishness up hyar in the hills, an’ ikar ain’t one of us could engineer ’em if we had; so we’ll jest g. indyer through an’ do (lie best we can for ver. In the name of the law 1 now ask yer did you col lar that boss—but stop ’or right ilmr, doggone it, I forgot to swar yon. Cum mitt-y near forgittin’ it. Hold up yer right ban’! ” “Ilo’d up nothin’. How kin I when they are tied up titer’n blazes! ” “That’s so. Yer k’rect, Tige, but guess eny member of the body’ll be ’cording to law in extreme cases. Steddy him a little, fellers, so’s he kin hold up his right foot. r l ig" raiv-d his moecasin-coyered foot, while a guard on each side held him in position. “Now, then, I ain’t a fly on them ar lawyers’affydavys, but I’ll make her stout euouuh th hold a Mexican mule, Tiger Jim, do you swear by the holy Moses, according to liielaws ef '•Vyemirg Territory, that every time yer chip into mv racket ye’ll give us a square truth ? An’ ef you don’t, do ycr hope that ycr may get chawed up b, a griz/'o, chopped to pieces by a Sioux, strung np to a pine with a rope ’round yer neck, an’ fall to connect in Heaven when yer light goes out, to the best of yer iiudei * stanilin’ as provided by law, s’help ver God, eh ? ’’ “That’s jist w’at I does, Pardy.’ “Now, Ttge, yer under oat It, an’ ev’ry time yer speak yer want to hit the bull’s eye. Did yer hear that, boss ? ” “Wall, uncle Job, there’s no use o’ lyin’ bout it, an’ I’ll tell yer jist how it war. Las’ night you know thnr was a j tniboree over to A1 Mikiugs’ ranch in Miller’s gulch, an’ I war thar. A! had been in Lamarie City an’ got. a keg o’ good old budge, an’ we ail got party full. After the dancin’war over I pulled out for Bowles’ ranch, wliar I am bangin’ out, an’ as I war staggerin’ down ’round Mountain Cats hill, I run right onto the broncho that war picketed out in the grass, an’ war jist drunk enough to mount him an’ lit.e out. I know I’m going to swing for it, au’ I’ll rim game, too. I ain’t worth a cuss, any way, an’ ef it warn’t fur my good old mother hack in the Stall s [here the tears began to roll down his bronzed cheeks], who never closes her eyes ’thout prayin’ God to send mu hack to her, I’d laugh at death an’ help yer fix the rope; but when I think of that darliti’ old soul I get weaker’n a wounded antelope. I tell ye, fellers I’ve been a tough cuss ever since I struck out to these mountains, an’ I s’pose the world’ll bo better ’thout tne in it. My old mother will suffer —1 know that—for I’m her only kid, an’ hev sent her every ounce o’ dust that I could span*, an’ it is all situ had to live on. Sue’s been a good nri to me—God bless fieri —an’l’m sorry I haven’t lived so’s I can camp with her up thar [raisin’ his tearful eyes toward Heaven]; an’, hoys, won’t some o’ you write her? Torn Kirk thar knows whar she lives, an’ tell her I go! let out by an Injun, or pegged out nat’rally. For God’s sake don’t let her know I was strangled. The news’ud kill her. But then I’ll cheese this gab or ye’ll think I’m weakenin’ —an’ the man don’t live as can skeer Tiger .Jim. Elevate me. boys, jist as quick as ye please. I’m ready when ye are.” During lhi*~rt cital Jim's eyes were filled with li ar*, and a close observer ,wou'd have detected “silent tveep- ini!” on all sides. The word “moth er” had awakened tender recollec lions in tbo heart of every ono of those hardy mountaineers. Men who could faco death in any shape with out a particle of feeling did not try to hide their tears at the mention of that sacred name, mo Iter 1 How sweet it sounded to their ears! It carried them back to tbo happiest days in the dead past, when they were blessed with the love of parents, before the insatiable thirst for gold had led them into these mountain wilds. Not a word was spoken fora few moments, then old Job drew his horny hand across his watery eyes, and said in a husky voice: “Tigo, ye wouldn’t break an oath, would yc ? ’’ “No, Job Dtwson, not for friend or foe. 'i here ain’t a boy in the hills as can say that Jim ever went back on even iiis given word. I’m a rough un an’ do some miley mean things, but when I say a thing, you can gamble every dollar you’ve got upon its bein’ straight.” “Well, Tigo, we had intended to swung ye, an’ ye deserve swingin’, but I can’t git rid o’ that, ‘mothei* chin ning ye gave us. I s’pee.t the old lady set her heart on seein’ ye again, an’ is weariu' her old eyes out lookin, for yer. I’ve got an old mother my self, an’ though I hevn’t sot eyes on her since ’4O, her pictur’s right hyar in my heart, an’ it’s a pleading for yer old woman, Tige. It’s rutf, Tigo, ruff, an’—let’s see—yes, darned if I don’t du it. Jack, cut them strings no’s he can get his hands loose. Thar, that’s it. Now, Tige, hold up your right hand, an’ ef yer ever swore strong doit now. Do ye swar by the great God and yer blessed old mother, that if this Court discharges ye, ye’il life rite out for the States an’ go home to the ol 1 lady, an* love her an’ comfort her as long as she slays out of Heaven ? Do you swar to this, Tige, before Almighty God and this Court? ” “1 do, Job, and tliar’s my fist on it. Put it tlror. I swar it, and I’ll pull stakes rite away.’’ “Then ye’re released on them terms, and the boys’ll help ye git yer traps down to the station; but mind, tell ye, Tige, ef ye’re ever caught in the hills again, ye’d go up a tree. Fellers, the Court’s over an’ the prisoner’s discharged.’’ tVABiiiNQTON, May 3.—Hon Henry R. Harris, of Georgia, made an able and exhaustive speech in the House this morning upon our industries as they relate io our finances. Four Hundred Thousand Silver Quarters. —The Treasury Depart ment on Saturday morning received SIOO,OOO in silver quarters from San francisco. This is the first install ment of the order for SOOO,OOO in coin recently issued. The Georgia Supreme Court decis ion that a debtor may make an effec tual waiver of the homestead exemp tion, has been followed by another which bolds that usury in the con tract under which the deed was exe cuted renders it void, and the home stead right is not taken away. '■■• m i—.. Rev. Benjamin Roberts, perhaps the oldest minister of the Washing ton Baptist Association, died at his home twelve miles from Millcdgeviile on the 22d of April. He was elected clerk of the Washington Association when it was first organized and held the position almost uninterruptedly up to the time of his death—forty odd years. The impeachment proceedings against Belknap has never fairly be gun although the Senate brings up the question every day or so, and listen to discussions between the managers on the part of the House and Belknap’s council, touching pre liminary matters. It is astonishing how much “red tape’’ formality it takes to get the impeachment court ready lor business. m t f ■ ■ Yes, He Loved Her. On a Woodward avenue car yes terday, was a man who bad look ed upon lager beer one glass too much. Ills eyes were half closed, and liis head bobbed right and left as the car banged along. Opposite him sat a woman with a baby in her arms. The eh Id looked up and smiled, and the fond mother pinched its cheek and asked : “ Does darling love me ?” The toper straightened np, got his gaze to bear on the woman and in a mournful voice called out: “Mi your darling? Does I love yon? Yotijnz bezz your las’ dollar I do!” ■ - iai i is— An Invitation. The alumnae of tbo La Grange Female College aro cordially request ed by the resident alumnae to atlend the reunion during the approaching commencement, Juno 11 th to 14th, inclusive. Our homes will be opened to all, and we urge those intending to give us the pleasure of their presence, to notify us by letter in order that the details of arrangement may be ar ranged. As the members of the graduating does have decided to wear calico on coinmeucemont day. it will be con sidered the appropriate dress for that occasion, and while each one must feel perfectly free to use her own judgement in this particular, it is hoped that a majority of the alumnae will appear in calico as the pronounced advocates of practical economy. Mbs. J. M. Tomlinson, “ It. S. McFahlih, W. O. Tugolk. Com. of Invitation, Alumnae Associa tion. Mary A. Ford—“ Una.” Mary A. Ford, wife of Augustine Ford, brother of the editor of the Irish World , departed this life on the 18th ultimore. She was known in literature by the name “ Una.” As a poet she stood in the front lank of bards of this generation. Possessing grace and strength, culture and sim plicity, a tenderly feeling whose depths went down to the very well spring of the human heart, combined with Judith-like heroism which often rose to the sublime “Una,” clothing her conceptions in a diction almost faultless, marshaled her thoughts and sent them forth in order—each word fulling precisely into its proper place and all moving forward in a line with elastic regularity—like an army in battle array 1 Her verse flowed as smooth as a limpid stream. Her tropes shot forth like so many winged spirits. In every line of hers ap peared a dazzling apparition, and every poem was a brilliant spectacle adorned with living und harmonious figures. In New York the crowd of silver seekers at the sub- trea-ury lias van ished. The Daily Bulletin thus sketches the full history of theme tallic crusade: “ The furore of bright “quarters’’ was, from the first, a mere matter of curioisity, which every restaurant keeper and store keeper was eager to satisfy so long as it lasted: It could not, however, last long; for the mo ment everybody had seen and han dled the new pices, the charm .f nov elty was lost, and nobody would pre fer them to the fractional notes.— Judging from yesterday’s appearan ces at the sub-treasury, we are ap proaching the end of this excitement; and it is fortunate we are, for the premium it had caused on the silver and paper fractional money was caus ing a haarding of both Lhat threaten ed a very inconvenient scatci'y of small change- When this is past, the public are likely to show a prefer ence for the notes over the silver, as more convenient, and should lhat be the case, the notes will be ex changed for the silver only when they become so badly worn as to bo no longer passable. In that case premiums and hoarding will disap pear, and the metal tokens will grad ually find their way into circulation without inconvenience. The story of the Vanderbilt Uni versity is thus told in a late number of the New York Sun: The Commodore likes to relate in cidents in his life to interest friends as they sit with him. The other day he told the history of his connection with the Nashville University. About two years ago Bisltop McTyeire of the Methodist church, now president of the University, and who is related to Mrs. Commodore Vanderbilt, was slaying at theNewYoik hotel, un der treatment for an obstinate dis ease by Dr. Bodenhamer. The com modore imitated the Bishop to stop at bis be use, w hich ho good natuied- ly said, was as g>o 1 as a h .tel in New Ynrk. The bishop went, and a stro ig friendship was cemented be tween host and guest. The d<y be fore the bishop was to leave the com modore e t ied him and confided to him his proj ct of establishing a uni versity somewhere at the South. It was a duty, the commodore sai I, that the north owed to the South, to give some snbstami and token of reconcilia tion that wonbl be a heiud't, and ho canted to do his individual share by founding no institution The next day the commodore exnlainiil h s plans to the bishop. Too, agreed .upon them and choose Nashville for the site of the University. The com rnodoro then gave a oheeck for $500,- 000 to found the instilu iou, and he has since added SIOO,OOO. For ilni Journal ] To Boys. By close reading and with reten tive memories wo lads of'iho liDh century may learn a great many of life’s real lessons, that, will make tho future the present. Heading loads the mind along pleasant paths to tho bright horizon of human knowl edge, where, like the Arcadians pur suing tho sun, they stand aloft and contemplate the golden efFilgence when, lost to other eyes, it illumes the enchanted regions of then itroden future. Let us, by w lint we have read, nnd realized never Buffer the Elizabethan age of letters to oi t strip tho 19th century in science. We anticipate with joy the time when America will be as pepulons as China, as military as Prussia, as iinr ltine as England, and as powerful as pagan Borne arrayed in all her beau y and magnificence. In this enterpris ing day, we should remember that our bost friends arc truth and virtue nnd our be*t companions aro high endeavors and honorable sentiments; for Hope and Cheerfulness are the tlie lamps that light the beauteous walks. The bread of life is hope; ilie salt of life is work; the sweetness of lilo is poesy; the beauty of life is letters; and with a dauntless courage that laughs at difficulties, we may go on in wisdom’s ways with a nerve that never relaxes, a heart that never blenches, and with a thought that never wanders ; —for these are they which lead us to tho Mastery. Strive for tho mastery ! never Rive in; Never ;:ive up—no, never ! Always remember that those whe win Are those who m ike the endeavor. Nt ver complain of the want of a trend ; Expect not another to a'd yon ; Success must ever on toil depend, And toil will never degrade you. M. 13. A Girl that “Docs Sums” in Ilcr Slot p. Jennie Lawson is a member of tho second class in the Eighteenth street, female school. Friday last a number of arithmetical examples were given out tor solution, but three of them, in percentage, requiring long proces ses of division, resisted all Jennie’s efforts to secure the correct, answer. This circumstance seemed to di-tress the child, and alter working through t hem again and again without success, she went home determined by per sistent effort to find out where Iter error was, and she continued to strive until long after the rest of the family had retired. Toward tnidni ’lit, her mother, who slept in an adjoining room, called to her daughter lhat she had better go to lied, lest site should be late in rising the next, day. The girl at once retired, and in a lew tiiomeu s was last asleep. About an hour afterward, Mrs. Lawson was again awakened by a sudden noise in her daughter’s bedchamber, which was then in entire darkness. .She called, but receiving no answer, arose to see what was the matter, Jennie was sitting at her desk, and had ap pareuily jut completed some work on her slate, the muse having been made by the falling ol a ruler from the table to the floor. The girl was last asleep. Mrs. Lawson did not awake her at that time, and on the following day it was a'ler noon be fore the girl could be aroused from the deep sle-p in winch she seemed to be. Lpoll awakening, Jennie spoke of the problems, and expressed her intentions ol making a further uiul at their solution. Upon getting the slate she tound them completely solved in her own hand, each line neatly ruled, and the figuring with out the slightest error. At this she was great,y surprised Her last know.edge of the puzzling examples was of leaving them unsolved on the oight before. Oi her performanebs Hi Inr sleep she knew wlieuuwa.se absolutely nothing, and her mother not having mentioned the incident, lell her more bewildered. Vesterday the girl brought the w <-rk to school mid related tne meid, ut attending to her leaeher. The room was entirely dark, the girl soundly asleep duiing the working out ot the te.-t example-. •She had never before shown any t>vni tom# of sleep-working, nor have any ol her relatme bee.i so all','tied. $2.00 A YEAR WIT nistl lIIJMOIt. ’ The iron horse has but one ear— the engineer. Pluck will carry a man whero a palace car will not. Ladies like to seo greenbacks con-’ verted into pinbaeks. What does a young fellow look like when gallanting his sweetheart through a shower? Arainbeati. “What L the next thing to a hen stealing? '’ VYhi, a cock robin, to be sure. What workman must a’wiys have his g 1 -tss before be can do a day’s work ? Agl zier. A vin“gar-hearted old bachelor says ho always looked under the head of “marriages” for the news of the weak. A baM-headed man peddling a h iir restore'' wa tho confusing spec tacle presented to Danbury in the past wc.l;. Vaccinate. Politeness never hurts anybody. Small pox never will not attack you if you allow it to take your arm. A despairing husband asks the ledger how to elevate an ill temper ed wife. Get her ire up, wo should say. Lace is what ruffl s the men now a-days.--.Kr. You are wrong. Laie ruffles the women as usual. It is the paying for it that rnfflles the men. Senator Matt. Carpenter says that this government must bo rtiu mo rn economically, and so he has given up wearing suspenders. You cannot expect a man to stand corrected when he lias been knocked down for making an erroneous state ment. Tbo threatened financial crisis in Austria need not cause the people -there any serious alarm. It’s always easy to find a V in Vienna. If Noah had made a failure in hi-* ship-shipping, lie would probably have gone to Now Jersey, knowing there is a Now-ark there. The bull-frog was the first circu lating greenback, and the entire breed have been notorius inflationists ever eineo the flood. Another explosion is imminent in an lowa household. Oneol the boys accidentally swallowed a pistol cart ridge last week. An editor well known in the vicini ty of Irvington, N. Y., a very relig ious sort of a chap, awoke in church last Sunday morning, and yelled out: ‘ D it, more copy.” “Is your house a warm one, land lord?’’asked a gentleman in search of a house. ‘lt ought to be,” was the reply; “the painter gave it two coats recently.” There is a woman in Jersey so eco nomic t! that the other night, while her husband wis abed, she turned and made over his last pair of parks lor oik: of the children. “Landlord, didn’t you ever five a gentleman to stop with you before? ’’ “Are you a gentleman?” “Yes, I am.” Then I never had one to stop with me before,’’ A frontier Texan who was asked if he was going to the Centennial Ex hibition, guilelessly replied: “I’d like to, but I’ll have to put it off tiil next year.” “Vill you flake founding?” sail a German teetotaler to a friend, while standing near a tavern. “I don’t care if 1 do,” was the reply, “Veil, den, let us tak a vulk.” A Detroit florist is getting np “a language of vegetable#" It you hit a man wi h a turnip that means: I don’t think much of your relatives way back for s ven generations.” A father bent on instructing bis three-year-old son said: “If you had three apples and should give me one, how many would you have left?” “I wouldn’t do it, pa,” was the prompt reply. She waltzed like Juno at the hop; I voxel ihe pus ini I wo aid pop; and ns partner tendered her a seal, my throbbing heart with anxious p ing did heat. I tripped beside my’ lovely charm; 1 bowed and gently touched her arm. “Engaged lor next,’’! said, “aiy dar mg Kate?’’ * Go ’way,” “You hit my vaccinate.’