Newspaper Page Text
VOL. IV.-NO. 20
THEJOURNAL
BY LA HATTE & GRANBERItY.
CASH SUIMMUFTION RATES.
One copy one vuar $2 00
One ropy six months 1 00
Olio copy threo m< nths 75
Any one fnrnl 1 leg live snbsriibers, with
(he money, will receive it copy free
Buti*ciihers wblnnv their pipers chnmred
from or.o po t-nfiiec to nnothcr, must t.te
the nnriiC of the po t office from whieli they
wish it (h im: si, tin well as that to which
they wish it sant.
All subscription o must he pniil in advance.
Tlic paper will hestoppcl at tlieend of flic
time paici for, unless subscriptions are pre
viously renewed
Fifty numbers complete the year,
CASH ADVERTISING RATES.
Space 1 mo 8 ran* B nios I*. r
1 inch ... s2nos 450 £ r, O $lO 00
2 inches . 450 725 11 00 18 00
3 inches .. 600 900 15 00 22 00
4 inches .. 550 11 00 18 00 27 00
} column.. (i 50 14 00 25 00 85 00
* column.. 12 50 25 00 40 00 60 00
1 column.. 22 00 41 00 62 00 100 00
Marvin ces and death not exceeding
inea will ho puhlihfd I'ree.
Payment o to 1> m irle quarterly in advance,
accordinsr to schedule rates, unless otherwise
agreed upon.
Pearsons sending advertisements will state
the length of lime thev w*h them published
and the space they want them to occupy.
Parties adverti-mar lv contr ict will be re
tile ted to their legitimate business.
Leo at. apvkkti s kments.
Sheriffs sales, per i* ch, four weeks.. .S3 50
“ mortgage ti fa sales, per inch,
eight woeUs 5 50
Citation for letters of admimstrati n, £
eu-ir ,r i:m -hip, etc., thirt-. an d ... 3 0
Notire to deh'ifcoia and creditors of an
estate, fortv davs ... 5 00
Ai’plicsiti m for leave to t'dl land, four
werk 4
Sale of'and. etc.. p r in h, forty (lays 5 00
t “ perisliHiile property, per inch.
ten dav* 2 00
Apt ficafion for letters of dismission from
vinrdi.i! ship, fortv days 5 00
Application for letters of disi; i ~ ion from
ado Ini tration, three m nth' < o 0
EstaHishing lest papers, the full space
of three months, per inch 7 00
Com pci Mug titles f < m c\c* utnvs or ad
ministrators where bond has be *n
gi’ en by the ’eceased, the full sp.ce
of three mouth*, pel* inch V 00
Es Tay n tires, thirty days. 3 00
bu e for foreclosure ef moitgage, four
.nm/ttis. inon'hly, per inch 6 00
Sale of insol ■ ent p■•■•per.*, thirty days... 300
Homestead, two W(‘fk -
HSusiness or*'real's
TDr. T- l - Jenlims,
jT ■ v i “ ?
r r ; _' O"
D-x ' i ' - ■: , tist,
IS I r -
PA AH'TON, BA.
J. Af. V O BLEY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
HAMILTON, GA.
Will continue to preHire law in all the
State and United SlateP Conrtp.
THOfl. & MITCHELL , 31. D.,
Rrsiilmt Physician and Surgeon,
HAMILTON GEORGIA
F pedal a'lention given to operative surgery.
Terms Cash -f&§,
J, T. Ih.- UNT. H. C. C AMBON.
]; L 0 UNT & CA ME R ON,
ATTOHNETS at law,
llAiHiLTifi, GEORGIA
Will practice in tlie State and Federa
Courts. Otiice in the Couit House.
ALONZO A. COZIER,
Attorney and Counselor at Law,
COLUMN US, GA.
Practices in State and Federal Courts in
eho.g.a and Alabama. Maker Commercial
Ijiw asi eciulty. Office over No. ? ... ('olum
bus, Ga. deei-ly
lIiDCS Dosier,
ATTORNEY-AT LAW,
HAMILTON, GEORGIA
Wilt practice in the Oita' sd acch"e Circuit,
or any where else. Office in tie Northwest
corner of tl.e Court-house, up-et.irs. janß
Columbus Dental Rooms,
W. T. POOL, Proprietor,
Gtorgia Fonf Prih'ins', folcißtns, fia
CENTRAL HOTEL,
Columlous, o£T
[Mrs. S. E. Woldridoe, Prop’ss.
* f W. R. Mason* Clerk.
C ’ “• I;USSEELL
KUSS EX L & RUSSELL,
Attorneys at Law,
COLUMBUS, - - - '• CA
Will Ji rc ce : n the’ Mafejand F.dcral
° over JAeec .k fVndock's store,
or, IW ■•lumßr.s Ca.
The Knot of Bine and Gray.
Upon my bosom lies .
A knot cl blue and gray;
\ou ask me, why ? Tears fill my eyes
As low to you I say :
I h"d two brothers once—
Warm-hearted, hold and gay;
1 lmy left my side—ouc wore the bluo,
The other wore the gray.
Ono rode with Stonewall nnd his men,
And joined hi fate to Lee;
Ti e other followed Sherman's march
Triumphant to the sea.
Doth fonglif for what they deemed the right
And died with sword in hand ;
One sleeps amid Virginia’s hills,
And one in Georgia's sand,
T ie same sun shines upon their graves—
Mr love unchanged must stay;
And so upon my bosom lies,
The knot of blue and gray.
Concerning* Work and
Economy.
Now John's naturally one of the
best o_f creatures. His soul won and
rise up grandly within hint at, the im
putation of being sma 1. But then bo
has what, most men iiave, a streak of
inconsistency.
John is a doe -Stic animal, conse.
"tjienliy onr mutual expressions of
Opinion frequently touch upon house
hold affairs. I suppose it isn’t possi
ble for the average man lo have any
just conception < f ihe amount of ac
tual work a woman does. So some
times when I get just tired enough to
feel generally illused I say to John,
with dignity,
“I wish you did have the least idea
what it is to keep house.’’
Whereupon John replies, just as he
has three dozen times before,
“What it we lived on a farm?”
After be has said that 1 fuel for two
con.-ecntive minutes that I should just
!ii.c to shake him, then I think better
ot it, and in a supernaiuraliy mild
voice I say,
“Now, John, you listen. Suppose
we did live on a farm, would it be any
harder spending my time in making
butter, and cheese, and cooking, and
washing dishes, than it is to keep up
this continual round of sweeping and
dusting, and scrubbing and scouring,
to keep rooms always presentable for
ourselves, and our friends? Women
that live ou a farm have more to do
than they oueht, very much more, but
they have some peace while they are
doing it. They are riot constantly
harrassed by callers on baking and
sweeping days. The fact of their liv
ing on a tarm excuses them from keep
ing up the back-breaking style that
town life itnnoses.”
At this point John looks at mo with
the dignity of an owl, and remarks,
“\\ hy do you keep up this style
then ? ”
“John Augustus!” I reply with
suppressed wrath, “I should like to
have you show me one tiling that I
might neglect to do, that you wouldn’t
be the first to notice? It was only
the otjier day that I had spent hours
and hours in blacking stoves, and
cleaning zinc, and sweeping and dust,
jng the parlors, and dou’t you re
member coming into the .oom and
looking very much disgusted becau-e
Chub had harnessed a pair of chairs
in the middle of the floor ? Let a man
assume all the characters a housekeep
er docs, and see if it hu’t igbtly"
wearing. She must ' . cook, and
washerwoman, and nurse and scum
stress, and maid of all work, and ’hove
everything she must be the lady, al
ways tastefully attired, ready on the
instant to reciuve guests will) grace
and cordiality. Jusi think for a mo
ment, John, if that’s easy for one per
son to do ? ”
John couldn’t say it was, so by
way of changing the sut>j\ ct he said,
“I should like to know what you
haye done w ith that teakettle cover,
I can’t find it.’’
“Well, my dear,” I said with an af
fectionate rmil e, “you never w ill see
its like’again. As for having a tea
kettle Id lied on with a string for an
other six months, 1 don’t intend to
have it. We’ve lost more cheerful
spit its and happy hearts fishing up
that cover from the bottom of the
kettle, than we'll be able to find in a
lifetime.’’
John lias a little discrimination, so
when he sees that I am in a mood for
exhortation he lets me go on. Now
I knew that the reason why we hadn’t
that, new cover was because John
never thought to get one, that was
all. But for the sake of making a
point I dragged out an imaginary
HAMILTON, HARRIS CO., 01, WEDNESDAY, MAY 31. 1876.
John and d.'uhhed I in.
<l lucre arc some f • k s that would
i*t provide 'd at an o'd hr kmi ba-ked
utensil for f reo hundred and sixty
five times a year, rather tlnn pay
twelve and a lia’f cents to have it
mended. They will put thorns Ives to
id! sorts of inconvc ienre and actual
hardship raiher than diminish the
pile they want to Salt down’.”
Just hero Jo' n turned 'lie eye that
had specu'atinu in it toward me and
said:
“I suppose.you know they are
pretty shif less folks that don’t salt
down anyihiug?”
“Yes, I know, but the sailing dou n
that makes pimple in comfortable cir
cumstances, fcul deg poor all their
lives, that makes people twist and
turn everything to their own advan
tage, that puts a ban on all ben vo-
; fence, and makes a home barren of
beauty and joy—l protest "gainst
giving over money to such moth and
rust ’’
John winked two or three times
and said :
“If you should have your way you
would be exirrvngant.”
Now if there is anything that ex
asperates me it is to have him such a
stu id when l am trying to lay my
honest views brf ire,him. But shak
ing down my vexation and swallow
ing a few frozen tears, I said in a
tone that was intended to be very
pathetic,
“John, I thought that I should nev
er tell you a few little things I have
done in the line of extravagance. I
won’t call them personal sacrifices,
for lam no martyr. Perhaps you re
inemb *r you promised me anew wrap
this winter, and that I finaily con
cluded to make my olu ono do. Do
you know that I changed my mind
because I found your office carpet
was too shabby to look wellf and I
knew you couldn't really afford to gel
a cloak and a carpet too? Then when
you gave me some money to got my
winter hat, I found something in the
shop that exactly suited me. It was
just lovely, with a long sweeping
liimnp avl if v 1 wap*'*-*'• i--< —5
but I jus) had that plume taken off,
atid bad a little more velvet put on,
and an ostrich tip, and iben it wasn’t
half so pretty and stylish as it was
before. Well, I save and on mgh in the
exchange Io get Scribner’s for the
year, because I knew we should on.
joy reading it together evenings.”
John looked at me as though he had
just discovered anew planet, and I
brought matters to a c'imax by telling
him trag’cailv, that I never, never
would tell him how I got the money
for his Christinas present.
“Well,” said 1, for a final summing
up, as 1 saw John had his hand on
the door to go, “you wi 1 admit won’t
you that women that don’t live on
fai ms have something to do ? ”
“Yes, oceans! ”
“And you will admit that women
can be, and usually are, economical ?”
“Yes,’’ said he, with a majestic
wave of his hand, “I’ll humble my
self to the extent of saying, that
there’s one little woman at least, that
can be saving and patient and eco
nomical, aid when you can find
another word that means the same
thing, she’s that too ! ”
“ Oh, John ! ” I cried, “You think
I’m stingy.” ♦
He laughed, and said as he closed
the door,
“What a ridiculous little goose
you ate, anyway ; here I am bursting
wi'h admiration, and you’re bound to
feel abused.’’
—■* I ■■■
One of the gentle sex : sys that
the heaven of of the strong •minded is
“where buttons grow in the:;' prop
er places, and where men cease
fi om bothering, and needles are at
re-t.”
Lubbock still insists that bees are
not of a sympathetic nature. And
yet this gentle It,-ect, with the huff
mainsail and nul-hot rudder, has
frequently brought tears of sentiment
to our eyes.
A shipwrecked cn w has" recently
been killed an 1 eaten by the canni
bals in Aus r.dia. It, shocking to
think that there still live savages who
can-nibble their own kind.
A shoemaker, with one eye, com
plained that one of his lamps did not
burn. One of his shopmates, who is
a genuine ■ .11 of the Emerald Isle,
with astonishment exclaimed : “Faith
and what do you want with two
lamps? i’ou have ut but oue eye.
I *
The Preacheend tho Kitijj
Samuel Diviel). 1)., was one of
the most oniinontiivi es of th ■ lust
century, not ino-iiiotcd for his deep
learning and eh jtenee than for It's
holdiioss of nttenpe. Ia 1 753, be
ing at that time resident of the Col
lege of New Jerry, he was sent to
England to solicijunds fir the insti
tution, which wa.•aett iu its infancy,
and located at Eliijbct'itown. \ few
)cars later it tvasamoved top.in
town. Arrived jbi ling and, Mr.
Davies was welUMed bv the fore
most of the cle'li and invited to
their pulpits.
King George fie Second had u
great desire to ho'W'a prenobor fr > u
what he was (ijAi.se.l to deaom
inate “tho Wth of America”—
lie accordingly trended the service
announced to h<:Ainducted by the
now comer, ai\ was so deep
ly impressed by ihe wondrous elo
quence in tones loud enough to at
tract general ailt lion.
“ I ’laith. lie’s wonderful man!’’
said his nn je-ty. ‘lie certainly beats
my bishops I”
Davies heard t.hjjoyal remark, and
observing that tlw king was distrac
ting the auentio'.-.&f the audience, he
paused in his disburse, and looking
his m ijesty full iu, the face, ad.niai -
tered the following rebuke:
When the lion roareth, let the
beasts of the lofiftt tremble; when
the Lord speakeih, let the kings ot
tho earth keep silajce.”
The king immediately bowed his
head, and shrunk back in Ills seal,
and remained silent during the re
mainder of tho services.
On ihe next uiy George sent for
Mr. Davies, and, after conversing
with him awhile, give him fifty gui
neas for the colleg fover which lie pre
sided. As the D ctor left die audi
ence chamber, tho monarch turned to
his courtiers and raid :
“ He is an honest man, this Ainer
ean preacher — man.
u. r ion iif a Queer People
Says a recent* jfv.-1.-r in Lapland:
The church wa* full of Lapps, ad
although I saw hfiv and there as fine
a voting fellow as I would wish to
meet, the major part, of them were
little, brown, weather-beaten figures,
standing about five feet nothing, all
clad in real Lap;feo tunm. The wo
men were ranged ;n pews on one si 10,
the men on tho owier (and this is the
fashion of all Sweedish churches) and
except that the former kept their
high-peacked, sugar-loaf cap) on du
ring the service, you could see little
differences between the two. The
service passed ofl n jL' J dy enough.
The communion neg in, and a curious
sight it was to see these little vaga
bonds run along on the lop of the
pews, like ro many rats oil a plank,
in hot haste to reach the altar; ar; 1
now commence. ij a scene such as [
never before witnessed in a church,
and trust I shall ic-ver w itness again.
It seems that widjli the last few years
a kind of fanaticism has crept in
among these Lapps, The Scriptures,
instead of “pouring oil upon a bruis
ed spirit,” as cipry one is taught to
believe who wi| read them aright,
only fib them with imaginary terrors;
and, f..r different from the creeds of
the real Christiat, they seem to think
the best atonemijnt they can make for
tin'll' sms lies in I outward show. All
,ti r,i,o„, ...i—communion service
began, t.wo or pi'tee women
up in different ;par;s of the church,
and commenced' frantically jumping,
howling, shriekifig and clapping then
hands. I observed one middled fe
male particularly energetic, and who
sat down in a ki id of fit afier about
five minutes’ exertion. The infec
tion soon spreal, and in a few min
utes two-thirds of the congregation
joined in the crjf, and all order was at
an end. Five i>r six would cluster
round one individual, hugging, kiss
ing, weeping and shrio ing, till I re
ally thought t|at some would be
smothered. The religious orgins of
the wild aborfiginees in Australia
round their canip fire are not half so
friglitfult as lUi.s scene, for they at
least and > not decorate a place of wor
ship with their m id carousals.
To cure corls: Hold your feet
near the fire ifitil the corns pop
This is said to be a sure cure.
Take all th-- interest of this world*
and there wouldn't he friendship
| enough left Triced.
Tb 1 l > hcuoni”iio;i oi‘ Daniil.
I) -. h’icderick If. M irvin gave t • ;
the Liberal Club lust, evening a pliy
small’- vie v ofdealh. bi--ul jeot being
i ho “Physiolo'gy of Death.” d’lie histo
ry ol ilea'h embraces three piniods*
tl e t ibiilous, the supvrsti'imis and the
pliif sophioal. Tho fabulous pedal ,
was in myth •hegica! time*, in which |
death was per-onili. and us tho goddess
Mors, the glance ot whose eye was
f.v.ai; the snlil l •>iis era was that
'ong period in which death was re
garde 1 as mi ius'.atitaneous change; n
stroke that came and cut off life from
the w hole body at once. Ours is the
phibisoj hie and age.
The lecturer hid experimented on
dogs to discover the order of time in
which the senses die. To one dog It"
gave arsenous acid. The sec md died
instantly upon his introducing a nee
die into the medulla oblongata; and
the third he bled to death. 11l the
l ist, bo order of death was: Sight,
taste, smel', hearing, touch; which
established tho fact that the senses
iliss,appear in the same order as they
do in sleep.
The human body is an aggregation
of cells. Lite is the segmentation
of these cells ; death their disintegra
tion. Knelt cell dies for itself. Every
moment, cells arc springing into life;
every moment cells are dying. Our
bodies are composed of these little
points. Take them away mid there
is nothing lett of us but the connect
ing shteds. There are dead cells in
your body, and when you are. dead,
there will, for some time, continue to
be living ones, We shall all, at some
time, bo resolved into carbonic acid,
w ater and mineral elements.
The whole surface of our globe,
said the speaker, has been dug over
on" hundred a. and twenty-eight times
to bury its dead, not even reckoning
ilia long ago of the world which is
given it by modern science, and we
inhale, we feed upon elements tho
very atoms that have been living hu
man beings before. The dead,” he
continued, livo again, and we greet
ttiem in the p<r:iime ot mo city, in
the light (likes of snow, in the thous
and loaves of the forest.
D -ath, the Doctor says, is painless.
Thorn is no moment in lives in which
molecular death is not going in us.
I’ho last words of a multitude of per
sons indicate that mere disintegration
is painless. To die of cold, after the
is over, is a luxury. So
is drowning. The smile ofdealh, the
placidity of death, comes to nil fea
tures after tho rigor rnortU. That is
all over in three days.— N. I T . Sun.
Bible Revision.
The work of the English and Amer
ican companies of scholars now revis
ing tho English version of the Bible
advances with steadiness and the host
of agreement, the questions that arose
concerning several rights of |the two
companies having been harmoniously
settled. The English committee, with
throe years’ advantage in starting,
have about two-thirds of their work
accomplished; tho Americans have
about ona-ihird, having finished the
Pentateuch and Psalms and tho Gos
pels, and book of Acts, and being
now at work on the minor phophute
and tbo epistles. Tho familiar phrase
ology of the Ibble is not changed ex
cept to correct translation or insure
dearness, and it is said almost the
l.oi ui4u*u tlmJ m/|
mi;tees is with regard to the use of
archaic forms, such “prevent ” in the
sen-o of anticipate, of “ let,’’ mean
ing to hinder, and of “ which” for
who. In the latter case, the Ameri
can prayer-hook having, many years
ago, given ns “Our Father who art
in Heaven,” our churchmen are quite
ready to use the more modern form.
The expenses of revisers in England
are borne by the Oxford press, which
has a monopoly of printing the Ti
ldes; and in America by voluntary
contributions. The Arnericm revis
ers give their time and labor, and
traveling expenses and printing are
all the charges, amounting, thus far,
to £3,000 a year, or less than SIOO
apiece. Whether the Englih revis
ers woik with equal cheapness we
don’t know,
A fellow who was nearly eaten
out of hoiiso and home by the con
stants visits of his friends, was one
day complaining bitterly of bis nu
merous visitors.
“ Share, an I’ll tell you how fo get
rid of ’em,” raid the maid of all
work.
“IV 'V, how ? ”
‘Ti md money to the poor ones*
m l luu ov mon •v of the rieli ones,
and u.n : er sort will ivor trouble y c
agin.”
One of I lie gentle sex •■ays that the
heaven of thestroi g-inindiul is “where
miM• us glow in their proper places,
and w litre men wise from bothering
and needles are not at rest.’’
A sailoi look a chil I lo be christ
ened, and happening to hold the babe
on the wrong arm for the clergyman
to take i'. was asked to “turn the
child, u; on which he turned it face
downward. “No, no," satJ the par
son, “tarn it, mv good man,’’ when
he. turned it fma uppermost as before.
In this dilemma an ol ! post o.qvain
sitting in tin* g tilery canto to the res
cue, and sang out, “ Bud for end,
lack.’’ “Aye, ave, sir,’’ said tho sail
or, and patched Ins sou and heir over
on the o' her arm.
Tarsi' Not to Actuakaxohs —In
Dresden there is an iron egg, the his
tory of which is something li-e this:
A young prince sent this iron egg to
a young lady to whom lie was be
trothed. Who received it in her in
dignation that be should send such a
git';, she cast it to tho earth. When
it touched tiio ground a spring cun
ningly hidden in the egg opened, and
a silver yolk rolled out. She touched
a secret spring in the yolk and a
golden chicken, aid a crown was
found within; she touched aspring
in the crown, and in it a diamond
wedding ring was found.
There is a moral to this story, and
that is, it w ill not do to trust to “ap
pearances.”
No I Thank You.—At a so-called,
spiritual silting in Hartford, recent
ly there was present a woman who
mourned tho loss of her consort, and
as the manifestation hegnn to appear,
the spirit of the departed. Benedict
entered upon the scene. Of course
tho widow was now eager to engage
in conversation with the absent one,
and ilie following dia'ogue ensued:
Widow—“ Arc you iu the spirit
world ?”
The Lamented—“ I am.”
Widow—“ llow toigy have you
been there?”
The Lamented—“Oh, some time.’’
Widow —“Don’t yon want to
come back and bo with your lonely
wife I’’
Tho Lamented—“ Not if I know
myself; it’s hot enough around here.”
Maky’s Peayek. —Mary’s niothtr
had occasion lo tell her of her faults
Mary was angry, and w hen she said
her prayers, instead of asking Cod
to bless father and mother, as ahe
was wont lo do, she only said “ God
bless father.”
Her mother took no notice and
went away to bed without her good
night’s kiss. By-and-by she was
heard to say “Mamma, are you go
ing to live a great while? ’’
“I don’t know,” was the answer.
“Do you think you shall ? ”
“I cannot tell.”
“Do many mothers die and leave
their chidreti ? ”
“A great many.’’
“Mamma,” said Vary In a trem
b’ing v ice, “I am going to say an
other prayer;” and clasping her little
hands, she cried, “God bless father,
and my dear, kind mother”
A Tender Request.
JIo has gone up to her homo with
her from a shopping excursion the
other afternoon. While he was there
such a flood of tenderness came over
him that lie impulsively dropped on
his knees before her, and giving her
a glance that spoke volumes, huskily
said, “I can no longer keep my feel
ings hack. I love you. Oh, will
you, Oh, will you be ’’ “•
Shad! Ten cents I’’ rang out the
clarion voice of a street vender be
fore the house. She made a clutch
for her handkerchief to cover her
emotion, but she was too late. The
ludicrousnese of the combined senti
ment was too much for her intellect,
and she melted into a prolonged gig
gle. Her face flushed scarlet, and
for an instant ho was too profoundly
impressed to realize his position.
Then lie shot upon his feet, and with
a howl of rage departed. Really,
ought not more intelligent ami more
discriminating people bo employed
on fish wagons , —Danbury Xotcs.
$2,00 A YEAR
WIT mid HUMOR.
Tint was a smart little girl who, iu
answer to ihe caiechisin’s questions,
“ What is tlie outward, visible sign
or form in bip’tsm?’’ replied—“ Tho
baby.”
A I ill to prohibit the sale of intox
icating liquors witltni four miles of
the Caii omia U,liver-ity is called by
a S ultra; ri -co paper “An act to pro
mote pedes rianisni among students.
Tbo singular rivalry which has
sprung up has induced a Dmbury
lady to mention that her dress his
not co t her four do ns p r annum
tor tlii* pa t three yens, ’■'•he lives
wi.h a broihe-in-law.
A prominent cler yt. .n of Brook
lyn la-l week, w hile taking one ol a
colt) se of I) ixing teevms tor e.\ roi-c,
rec ivo I what, tin* boys called "a
j >lly black eye.” On Saa lay ho
chose Ills text from Timothy, oth
chapter, 7ill verse- “ I have fought a
good ti ,ht. I have finished my oon: so
“ Ilotv like its father is it !" said
ttio nurse on the occasion of cluii
letting a baby whose father wa- morn
than seventy years of age, and
had married a vonng wife. “ Very
like,” said a satirical lady; “bald,
and not a tooth in its head."
Dtvid Da iley Field isnol a teach
er of penmanship. Recently ho sign
ed a legal document, and sent it to a
printer In Albany. 'Hio pi >t was
sent to him to be read, aau D.ivt 1
Dudley Field in manuseiipt tred
in typo as “ Tried and duly hi d."
“The boy at the head of the class
will state what were .ho dark ages
of the world ?’’ Boy h dtates. —
“Next, Master Biggs, cai you tell
me what the dark ages were? “I
guess they were tho ages before spec
tacles were invented.” “Go oyour
seals.’’
A Scottish student, supposed to be
deficient in judgment, was asked by
a professor, iu tbo course of his ex
amination, how he would discover a
fool. “By tho auestims lie would
ask,” was tho prompt and suggestive
reply.
“ Children,’’ said a country minis
ter, addressing a Sunday school,
“ Why arc wo like flowers? What
do we tia>ti, a t flowers have ? And
a stnnll boy in the ina.,,* JJ j rtgSi
breath smelled of vermifuge, row©
and made reply, “ Worms,’’ and the
minister crept under the pn’pit chair
to hide liis ettioiiorf.
An irreverent correspondent of tho
Westfield (Mass.) Times, who went
to the Great Barrington cattle show
sayH lie was never so impressed with
a sense of “ the eternal fitness of
things” as when, after the Rev. Mr,
Smith of Olis had won the spoons in
a trotting race, tho band gave with
peculiar emphasis :be melody of that
popular hymn, “ Nearer, my God, to
Thee.”
A colored man, who was lately re
suscitated from what seemed death,
but was only catalepsy, was enter
taining his friends with the sights ho
beheld in the other world, “ Plenty
colored bredren in heaven, I ape.-,
Torn?’’ “Oh, yes!” said Tom. “And
how about hell—any down liter T’
ask"d another interlocutor. “ Oh,
ye*, raassa, plenty of detn dor too ”
“Any white folks, Tom?’’ “Lord
• 1 t i
by goi-li, ei/cry while done got a nig
ger lidding between him ami <3e fil e.”
People who sit at their front win
dows and stare at their nieghbors
from morning till night will perhaps
not lie deterred by the fact t!*;.-
South Brooklyn woman in this line of
business had her nose frozen last to
the window pane one day last wee!',
and was subsequently obliged to ham
the lip of it amputated. Neverthe
less, the affair cast iho rad anee of
profound j >y over the entire neigh
borhood.
A gentleman one evening was seat
ed mar a lovely woman, when the
company around h in were propos
ing conundrums to each other. Turn
ing to his companion he said, “ \\ by'
is a lady unlike a mirror?” She gave
it up. ’* Because,’’ said the rude fol
low, “a mirror reflects without speak
ing, but a lady speaks without rUl.c
ting.” “And why are you unlike a
mirror ?” asked the lady. Hu could
not tell. “Because a mirror is ->mo *IU .
and polished, and you arc rough and
unpolished.’’