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THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT 4VK FINIl IN THK.M TO SMIt.F
OTUt.
ASK YOim pa: ok.
Burdette, of the Burlington Hawkeye,
gives the following advice and ex¬
perience: "Fill your home with beauty.
People ought to live in every room in
the house. I have built a great many
houses—on paper, and I am at it yet.
I would avoid the spare room, It is
cold and damp. There is nothing in a
spare room that will burn, I have often
tried to warm a bed in a spare room, but
always failed; If you have any doubt
about the spare room ask your pastor;
be knows all about it.”
)OSE SI'SPENDER.
if dress reminds me of a
r e heard about Horace
,e old Tribune, philosopher
V' 540 ly sensitive about any ref
erence to his attire, the slovenliness of
which would have attracted attention
almost anywhere. On one occasion, just
ns he was about leaving the office to at¬
tend a political loot tiro, the Albany
correspondent, an old friend whom
Greeley had sent, up the river to write
rubbishy letters in order to be out of
the way, entered. 11 is eyes detected
so mething wrong in the editor's rear.
“Excuse me, .Mr. Greeley,” he said
hesitatingly, "but—your suspender is
hanging down below your overcoat.
You can't go out on tho street in that
way.”
“ Confound your impudence ! ”
squeaked Horace, with a face as red as
a lobster. “Never you mind my siis
pemler. It’s a blamed sight better than
your Albany meddler correspondence, anyway.”
The vanished, utterly anni
hi la ted.
SHE WATCHED AND WAITED FOR HIM.
They were an old couple coming East
by tlio Michigan Central. When the
brakeman announced, “ Marshall—
twenty minutes for dinner!” they both
left the car and entered the eating
house. They had scarcely seated them¬
selves at the table when the husband
took out liis old-fashioned bull’s-eye
watch, squinted at tho time and passed
it to his wife with the remark.
“Now, T’ll eat and you hold the watch,
and if we get left it’ll all lie your fault.
King out at the end of eighteen minits.”
And the good-natured old wife sat
there without eating a mouthful and
timed him while lie pitch-forked every¬
thing within reach into liis stomach.-—
Detroit Fri< Press.
HEROIC TREATMENT.
‘‘Oh, you better talk!” exclaimed
Airs. Smith to her lord and master, who
was joking her upon her “running after
him.” “You know yon were dead in
love with me, and it was only because I
was afraid you'd sicken and ilia Hiat I
took compassion on you.” “Well,” t a
plied Smith, “if I did love you so des¬
perately, you cured me, dearest. J’lt
give you that credit; Imt it was the hero-
1 e,".t kind of licnoioli'orttmout .’’—Poston
Transcript.
A CONSIDERATE SUICIDE.
If Col. Bluford is more precise about
one thing than another, it is his razor.
Ho is so particular about it that he has
almost come to the conclusion not to al¬
low himself even to use it on liis own
chin on Sundays. Bluford went off fish¬
ing a few weeks ago, and while ho was
gone his partner, who was also his room
mute, committed suicide. The Colonel
was asked by telegraph to return. He
come back ns fast as he could. Meeting
n friend at the depot, ho asked in a voioa
husky with emotion :
“ Is it a fact that my partner has com¬
mitted suicide ?”
“Yes ; he was buried this morning."
The blanched fnoo of Bluford btvamo
more blanched tlmn ever. His voice
sounded unnatural ns lie whispered
hoarsely :
“ How did lie do it ?”
“ Morphine.”
“ Thank Heaven 1" erieil Bluford fall¬
ing. “ My razor is safe ; but I might
have known it would be, for George was
one of the most considerate men. I shall
always revere his memory."— Fox's Do¬
ings.
WHAT ROYS DID.
There are some queer things about
laiys. Here is Johnny, the son of ten¬
der and indulgent parents, who couldn't
cut any breakfast the other morning be¬
cause of what he considered the gross
inconqx'teney of the eook. Nothing
could suit him the breakfast was cooked
tivi much, there wus t>«> much saleratus
in the biscuits and he sniffed suspiciously
at the milk, and being assured by bis
mother that it was good, swallowed it un¬
der protest. Then he went out to play,
it being a holiday, and limited up some
"ther spirits like himself, and they
all set out to enjoy themselves. In pur
suance of a plan then and there formed,
one of them went home and got Bridget
to give him some flour; a second wont to
a neighboring bakery and bought a yeast
cake, and others contributed salt, butter
end various other articles of the sort that
seemed to them necessary. Then they
went into a baek lot and with a barrel¬
head for a moulding-board and a base¬
ball bat for a rolling-pin, prepared a cer¬
tain nondescript species of flat cake, into
which they incorporated all the ingredi¬
ents which they lmd manage*! to pur¬
chase, borrow or steal, and they built up
an oven of bricks and built a fire therein
and baked the composition on the top of
an old piece of sheet-iron which they *>] -
nor lonely chanced upon. And when the
thing was baked to their liking—th* y
bad to pry it off the iron with Bill Thom¬
son’s jackknife—they all partook then 1
with great delight and said it was “ bully,”
and they wish, d they had such grui » a>
that at bom*. And the fastidious
Johnny above referred to qmte ontdi 1
all his companions in voracity and loud
expressions of approval.
A BROOKLYN ALDERMAN*6 ORATORY.
The orator of the occasion w as s
Brooklyn alderman. As he stood np to
Bhvss the audience k* palled down hi
Pit, readjusted his shirt collar and
threw b the iapjtels of his coat, dis
playing the coble chest to great ad van-
tage. One of his fellow members could
not refrain from audibly noting his re¬
semblance to a Greek statue, His
speech, which was liberally applauded,
concluded as follows:
“Gentlemen, you have heard that
Lord Nelson exclaimed at the battle of
Lake Erie. ‘ Give me death or Axmin
stor Abbey!’ But, gentlemen, I don’t
want none of your abbeys. When I
die, give me a niche in the patent office
of American statesmen.”
TITE DUDE.
The Dude has hitherto been without a
national anthem, but it seems as if that
were supplied in the chorus of a London
—wo should say Lunnon—song, which is
as follows :
Oh, tlinfis tin; way to the Zoo, Hist’s the way to
the Zoo—
The nit in key-lion so is rather full, bn* there’#
room enough for you ;
Then take a 1«« to Regent’s Park, make haste
before it shuts,
Anff on Monday I will visit yon and bring von
plenty of nuts.
The theory so ablyadvanced by some
of out-esteemed contemporaries that the
floodsure due to the denuding of our for¬
ests is not without its effect. A tramp re
fu , ti to saw wood for liis dinner, giving
as a reason that ho was bitterly opposed
to the destruction of our forests, and
would business. do nothing And to encourage walked that kind
of he off flicking
his teeth.- Cincinnati. Fnr/nirer.
A Money-Making Memory.
George Harding, Esq., the distin¬
guished patent lawyer, is remarkable f<«
a retentive memory.
A short while ago Mr. Harding rode
down to Wall street, New York, in a
Broadway omnibus. A beautiful young
lady got in and handed fifty cents to the
attorney, requesting him to please hand
it to the driver.
t ■ With pleasure,” said Mr. Harding,
at the same time passing the fifty cents
up through the hole to the stage man.
The driver made, the change and
handed forty cents back to Mr. Harding,
who quietly put it away into his vest,
pocket and went on rending a mowing
machine brief.
Then all was silence.
The young huly began to look nerv¬
ously at Mr. Harding for her change.
“Can it lie possible that this iB one of
those polite confidence men we read of
in books?” she thought to herself.
Then she looked up timidly and asked
Mr. Harding something about tho
Brooklyn Ferry.
“Oh, the boats run very regular—
every three minutes,” replied the in¬
terrupted lawyer, trying to smile. Then
he went on reading his brief.
"Do the boats run from Wall street
to Astoria?” continued the young lady.
“I don’t know, mndnme,” replied
Mr. II., petulantly; “I’m not a resident
of New York; I’m a Philadelphian."
“Ah ! yes”—(then u silence).
Mr. Harding again buried himself in
liis brief, while the young lady aliemed,
and asked him what the fare was in New
York Mi',,'...
“Why, ten cents, nnulame—ten cents.”
“But 1 gave you fifty cents to give to
the driver,” interrupted the young lady,
“and-”
“Didn’t lie return your changef Is
it i«)s.sible? Here, driver!” tho lawyer
continued, dropping the brief and pull¬
ing the strap violently, “why the dick¬
ens don’t you give the huly her forty
cents, sir, forty cents?”
“I did give her the change. T gave
forty cents to yon, and you put it in
your pocket,” shouted the driver.
“Tome?" said Mr. Harding, feeling
in liis vest pocket, from which his lingei
brought out four-ten cent pieces. "Gra¬
cious goodness, mmluuie ! I beg 10,000
pardons ; but but—”
“Oli, never mind," said the Indy, eying
him suspiciously ; “you know a lady in a
wicked city like New York has to look
out for herself. It’s no matter—it wasn’t
the forty cents ; but before I left home
mother continued me against polite con¬
fidence men, who look so good outside,
but —”
‘‘Goodness gracious! my dear wo¬
man !" exclaimed Mr. Harding, while all
the passeiigi i s eyed him with suspicion.
“I assure you—”
But the stage stopped and the young
lady, holding fast to her portemonnaie,
gol out and tied into the Custom House,
while Mr. Harding went oil filling up in
this form :
"Goodness gracious! Did you ever ?
O Lord ! what shall 1 do?” etc.
The lawyer got so excited that he went
back to Philadelphia in a hurry. He
even forgot to t ike a big fee in a mow
ing machine case. lie says he’d
,.,j sio .000 than to let the Phila¬
delphia fellows gi t noui or me story.—
l’hi/ad< Iphia Item.
A New York Pity.
K. J. Burdette, the humorist, iu a ve
cent letter gives the following very cor¬
rect characterization of the city of Rocli
ester;
“A cifv of beautiful homes, broad
streets, and lovely drives, with its own
famous eataraets and cascades right iu
the corporation limits, a oitv that grinds
more family flower and raises flower* for
more families than any other place on
the continent, a city that graduates
Baptist ministers every year and natu¬
rally has its thoughts turned heaven¬
ward so constantly that it wings more
comets every year than any other city
con hear of in double the time, a city
with one little nursery containing 1,000
acres, and numerous others too small to
mention: ihe heme of the famous
nursery; the home of the Powers build¬
ing: th land of the Arcade: the city of
the Rochester Baptist Theological Semi
nary and the Genesee Falls, the two
great water-powers; a city whereof more
citizens own ther homes, it is justly
claimed, than in any other city of the
same size in America; a city full of beau¬
ty and hospitality and business; this is a
bird's-eye view of Rochester."
M4mm*: “Charlie, what in the world
ar* you doing—sitting on Millie's head?"
Charlie: “We’Teplaying horse, mamma
and h -ot
to sit i*u»L nt
be w
THE BOX MARCHE,
. rSa — _
..
An Eatabllnhment lhat Fefdir, Shelter*, arid
Educate* it* Employees
rrmn thfi fflflhinn rVmnVv i
Almost everyone knows this wonder
ful dry goods store of Paris, but I think
not many know that it in a benevolent
work as well as a successful business tin
?”*«“■* began life *«. tmtmt. boy, the tote, able
as a jioor and when
lo have a little store of his own his attorn
tion was directed to the Welfare of liis
defks and he gave them, as soon as he
was able, a home in his own house,
From this small beginning the work has
grown wonderfully. Mr. Boucicautdied
a few yearsago, worth millions of dollars,
and to-day the “Bon Marche,” carried
on by his widow, employs 8,000 people.
Two thousand of those L‘. people live in
Ilw. the building, and 1 the 3,000 take , ,, their •
meals there. The first thing to lie no
deed by a party making a tour of in
spection of this great, concern is a large
hall filled with desks, where a great
many boys and young men are studying
»■* SiViewaH th. book,
of the store, and are paid a small amount
for every / mistake they find. In the
evening lessons . gratuitously to
are given
the employees in English, German, in
strumental and vocal music, and fencing.
Onnoortn n.i given by the store in sum
rricr m. r, in in the me smiare square bv ny the me side side of ot tne the
building; in winter, on the ground floor,
which can he cleared by the porters in
twenty minutes of counters and goods,
when it is needed for that .* purpose 1 or for
, balls. „ There four dining
are rooms, one
for the men clerks, one for the girls, one
for the workmen, and one for the porters,
messengers, and drivers.
The menu for dinner of one day con¬
sisted of soup, one kind of meat, one
kind of vegetables, and dessert, and foi
each person a half bottle of wine. Coffee
is extra; it costs two cents for a small
cup and three cents for the large ones.
Three hundred people are employed in
the kitchen and as waiters in the dining¬
rooms. The kettles are immense, three
feet high, and no mail could meet his
arms round one of them. Of course,
when full and hot, they are beyond the
ability of man to move, so pulleys are
arranged which lift the kettles from the
fire and place them where they are
wanted. For the clerks there is a room
for amusements, where there are billiard
tables, chess, checkers, dominoes, etc.,
but no card playing.
The lady clerks have a pleasant little
parlor, where there is a piano, and where
they can spend their evenings when they
choose. Each girl has a room entirely
to herself, which is plainly but very
comfortably furnished. There are rules
to lio observed by all, but they are not
burdensome or oppressive; the doors are
not closed on week days until 11 , and on
Sunday* until 12lj at night, but the oe
ctipaii:*^ fMiv and entertainiments make tlmn it
more ing io rouituh nit luAtutJ lu
go out. Every one in the service of tho
“Bon Marche” receives a eeetain com¬
mission on everything sold or delivered,
and after a certain number of years' ser¬
vice each acquires an interest in the
store that increases yearly.
It is one of the most complete works
of benevolence known. It would be
almost impossible to think of any details
that are not attended to. There is n
barbers’ shop in the building for the use
of the employees, a physician is em¬
ployed by the store, and his services are
free to all; moreover, there is an infirm¬
ary in another part of tho city where “
those who ore sick are cared for; 11
pair of boots is blacked for every mem¬
ber of the establishment every day.
When asked if any board was paid the
answer was “no,” hut T suppose at least
some difference is made in the salarys.
Adelaide I’liillipps.
Mrs, Waterston has written a warm
and tender “record” of the virtuous and
lovely character of Adelaide I’hillipps.
Slie was without any kind of pretension,
and she tells very little of the ad veil
tures or romances of her life. Amusing
mishaps she made the best of, and rather
enjoyed. For a concert in a country
town she had one day packed her dress
in a champagne basket, tied up with
green ribbons. After tea she opened the
basket in order to dress, and found to
her dismay that it contained high boots,
rough coat and the rest of the habili
ments of some man who, oddly enough,
had Backed his clothes in a champagne
basket tied witn gier-.i There
was nothing to be doae but to brush up
her traveling dress and send an apology
to the audience, who, however, up
plauded her warmly, even in her black
silk. In 1879 Miss Phillipps joined the
Ideal OjH'ra Company, under the direo
tion of Miss E. H. Ober, and remained
iu it until December. 1881, when she
m;ule her last appearance on the stage in
Oincinnati. Her friend writes of her that
‘' slie never swerved from the straight
an ! narrow way in which sue walked as
a woman . bhe sacrifioeil worldly pros
purity to principle, and although she
was a conscientious artist, her heart
was in tier persona! life, her home, and
with those friends whom she loved."
lb r home had been since 1800 on a farm
in Marshfield, which w;is bought for her
br .thor. Energetic and buoyant as her
temperament was she could not conquer
the illness which increased so much that
sh, went abroad again in August. ISc”.
to take the waters at Carlsbad, and there
she died in the Oetoiier following. Her
Imi.Iy was brought home, and after fit
neral services, whnh "ere ucid.it Kings
t'Lapel in 1'ostoi, on ffetober - 5 SN '-.
n w as taken to Marshfield to the qui t
oountiv burying ground there. The i:n
pr»saioti m i le by this memoir is th-.t if
a truly gi od. generous, tender hearted
" man, who had go at gifts and used
tht m well .—Boston Advertiser.
New Iokk pays S7,0tX>,tHKl a year for
its religion nad $ 22 . 000 .lXX)forits ilrinks,
w-hieh goes to show that Xe» York is
having more fan in this world than it
will in the nejb —EochesUr Erpress.
A SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERV;
a xmi ti»,t Tiiipoi-mni Theory «» »ine
of the .Host vital Questions of the Day.
If any one had informed Queen Elizabeth ,
linahon^: receiving t'eply from "»m ^itnin j
a
na ilonr'R time, she would have red it to
be a miracle. And yet, had they lived in the ■
present day, this apparent miracle would j
S2 jffiX £M£rtffl3l j j
is. few principles arc
the pMst^i^hein^fnily In do* this understood fact come in raoro the \ *
present. SSXIV'S.IXK. no way ^“»SS
eople have died in past from some in-, j
i &SgpS* i»ts
7TM
handled. Consumption during theentire pi st
b»- b^conridmrf had long
and can be cured, even after it Ins a
run. Dr. Felix.Oswald b is just contributed
ti m as pulmonary scrofula. The impuiilies
B u-s and ca.riii - death. liis theory allows
conclusively that consumption is a blued chs
It hasioorigin primarily ill a d uangei
condition of the kidneys or liver, the only two
organs of the body, aside from the lungs, that
purify the blood. When t! e kidneys or l.ver
£ re diseased they are ill a s jr« poison or lacerated
stats, which eom nunic ties to every
'[""spufsonous blw'd rircnlaie the lungs, "onmugli where the the
»^» system and come* Id
55 »'«Sr!S contaminating
diseased part of the body ims
power, and yet the blood, which,is the life of
the pystem, is brought into direct contact
these vokoived t timo «-.»,-.;yincr
to •«
w„sC'recently re:relted, which is reported lical uuthori- to have
died affirm cf pneumonia, indicates diseased me condition of
ties a known,
t . e kMnej .^ It ig well moreover,
that for several years he had bee * the victim
of severe kidney trouble, and the pneumonia
which finally terminated his life was only the
^’ last result of the previous blood in poisoning,
iie d adly matter which is left the 1 mgs
by the impure blood clogs up and finally
chokes the patient. When this is accom
plished rapidly it is called pneum- niaor quick
?“'^IV'event ItisThe remit ofnn'imre oa.od|
caused by diseased kidneys and liver.
Taese are facts of science, and vouched for
by all the leading physicianaof the day. Th y
show llie desirability—nay, the necessity, of
keeping these most important"organs in per
feet condition, not only to insure health, but
also to escape death. It litis ho -n fully shown,
to the satisfaction of l e rly every unpreju¬
diced mind, that Warner's Safe liidney and
Liver Care is the only k-own remedy that
can cure and keep in ke dih the great hlood
purifying org ms of the b nly. It acts di. ectly
upon these metnl civ, healing all ulcers which
may have formed ill them, and placing poison them
in a condition This lo purify idle statement and not fill-e the
blood. is no nor
theory. Mr. W. ('. Beach, Type foreman Foundry, of the
llutfalo (N.Y.) Rubber was
given For up to die by both physicians and friends.
four years he Imd a terrible cough, ac¬
companied by night sweats, chills, and all the
well known symptom*. He spent a season
Koutli and .omd no relief. He says: "I
finally conclude nmnlhs I to try 1 gained Warner's twenty Safe pounds, Cure,
and in three
recovered my hist i rergy and my he iIth was
fully restored.” T. a li.-t could he prolonged
indefinitely, but enough has I ecu said I o prove
to every sufferer from pulmonic troubles that
there is no reason lo lie di courage:! in the
least, and that health can be restored.
Substitute for Stammering.
A recent addition to the Newsboys'
Home in Philadelphia is a bright-look¬
ing lad who hails from Syracuse, N. Y.,
and glories in tile name of Michael
Connelly. Michael is probably among
the most remarkable whistlers of the
nge. He whistles every time he opens
his mouth to sji.-:ik, and frequently is
compelled to whistle after every word he
litters. “It just seems like I’d bust if
j I don't whistle,” he remarked to a
, Record reporter yesterday afternoon,
■ and he whistled no less than four times
in saying it. The lad is a professional
itinerant bootblack, who has seen the
country from Chicago to Boston, and
knows all the smart ways of his genus.
He was taught to whistle ns a cure for
a most aggravating ease of stuttering.
So violent were the attacks that Michael
would he thrown into convulsions when
he attempted to speak; and he declares
that several times be wasnenriy strangled
to death in making efforts to talk. One
day two years ago a friendly customer
suggested that Vie should whistle before
he attempted to speak, and see how far
that would relieve him. The boy tried
i whistling and the effect
the cure, was
so gratifying, and afforded such relief,
1 that he adopted the practice, andeon
tinned it until it became a habit. His
stuttering has almost entirely disap
poured, but Ike result has been that he
cannot begin to frame a sentence until
u e has relieved himself by a soft, low
whistle, which is repeated every few
seconds. If he says “Thank you, sir,”
lie whistles three times, once before,
once in the middle, and once at the end
o t e sen euot .
Tlio Farmer and flie Squints Peacocks,
Til(1 p on ,lon Teho tells this story ot
q, e troubles to which the English farmei
is subjected: large
“There was a and sympathetic
p-.qln ring of Devonshire farmers recent
j v ;i ( Peamore, on the occasion of the
S1 |,, 0 { t) ie stock of Mr. James Baker,
w ho has been compelled to quit his farm,
0 v jng, it is alleged, to liis having com
of the destruction of his crop*
B1 , d damage to his farm by a flock ol
forty peacocks kvpt by the liuidlord, Mr.
Xre’lmwke Kelevieh, and of the unduly
uuinlx'r of rabbits which were al
] (nv0 d on the laid. Mr. Baker has had
the holding for twenty-three years, and
J( Uas V)e0I1 iu tlll , hands of his family iaml- for
a century. Since the present
| (n .q came in possession the pieaeocks
ha.ve been allowed to wander over the
f. u . nJ| feeding on the food given to the
cattle. The rabbits last year totally de
stroyed a field of eleven acres of wheat,
causing the farmer serious loss. Apph
oation wfls made f or compensation, but
uotlling cam c of it. Three days before
| ;U ly-Day a further conversation took
pp u . e alxmt the rabbits, and the agent
loW the former that he might kill them
ia aay wav i, a pleased. The tenant ex
pissed himself content with this, but
ti m v? days afterward the landlord gar,
],; m months' notice to quit. Tic
farm is in a hig i state of cultivation, and
although Mr. Baker will lie entitii\l to
comjteusation as between out going and
. incoming tenant, it is estimated
,i la ( h e w qi] fully X500 by having to
quit.
_____ ~
A RETIRED vocalist, who ha<I aoquind
. large fortune by marriage, was asked
; i g iu ei>m .ny. "Allow me,” said
he, “to imitate the nichtinsrale, which
uoes not sing after it has mad. its nest.”
Sunday Morning.— The mill hands of
LkhKnct er% pronh to sleep late Oil
Sunday I morning, alter their itefik of
* i a i, nr The Rev Mr && Miles tells
«rR n" worse Chrigtians because they are
sleepy * on Sunday. M
__— - —
A Relic of tho War.
h^^^exTct prnctition^ in Paris fS
and widely-known
throughout ihd SotitV, wrote officially:
Dr. Worthing ton’s Cholera auu Dis*
” ,i ’ iXVStStSiZ
N Q tl r S p - £ j • , . *
incut it is r ecognized a* a s overeign cure,
A recent dictate oftohion is Mi**
tant to all married men. It is that small
checks will be en regal for spring and
«™mer siik dresses. It generally takes
Bttcli large checks.
Ladies & children's boots A shoes can't ntn
over ■ r Lyon's Patent Heel Stiffeners are nacd,
Retaliation.—A Washington rtis
[i.itcli says that an Act ot Congress sus¬
pending the importation of German
wines into the United States may yet he
necessity before the German authorities
will l>e convinced that American pork is
wholesome food.
such Persons recovering f '"rom Wisdng disease*,
as malaria, vers, etc . will he greatly
belief:‘< <1 b y n inv P. own’s Iron Bitter..
A YOU no lady applying for a situation
as readier in Spencer County, Ivv., in
reply to a question said: “I ain’t much
of a arillimelicker, but am an elegant
grammar st,”___
OWunTon. Kv- Itiv. J. N. Beck sivf.
"l have used I5 ,»i 1 run B tiers .»'l \ c n
sider it one r -l b- s .• t,mics -o l I.”
Thebe is hardly ah American champioil who
does not ache to become a of
some sort. That’s the why some men
pound their wives and others get drunk.
It’s the only field in which they can
shine .—Detroit Free Press.
Codurfs Pa— R v. J I> Ze liing says:
1 1 was par 1 t l in ruy right side. The use.
of Brown’s Iron Bitter s enabled me to walk ’
The Senate has reduced,the tariff on
barbed wire fencing, hired but that won't help
ilie farmer’s man any. He wants
the barbs filled down and a cushion ar¬
ranged every twenty rods along the top
wire. ___ - —
“Tr. Benson’s Celery and Chamomile PiU
are wrth their weight in gold in nervous Baltimore. and
sick headache.”—Hr. S chlic hter,
Only one newspaper man out of every
sixty-four ever has a sharp knife, hut
only one- lawyer out of every one hun¬
dred and twenty carries a lead pencil.
How much better it is to be a newspaper
man.
_______
“ I'oin- Ski., C.ire is sifpcr-ipwcffeut it i
i'(t.'it ciii iii'; i,‘U i/o ’.ufliter s i*iui/-u*orui, uinrl
iiii! si,mill nil nrrr In’r hoitii.’ —Mrs. Druggist- K. I.
1 ). Merriam, Blue Hill, M iss.
keep i . .•?! per package. ____
When a fellow gets a letter for his wife
nut of the Pod Office and lie forgets to
give it to her for a week or so, the safest
way to let her have it is to tie it on the
end of a long fishing pole her, and poke it
through the window to
,-pi: Here, Yoiinir Men.
lhat girl of mine is twice as handsome since
she commenced using Carboline, the deodor¬
ized extract of Petroleum, and I would not
he without it fora, fortune.
“Mean,” said (he Texas man of liis
neighbor. “Why, there isn’t a drop of
the milk of human kindness in that man’s
body. He’s {tot a dog that’s an elegant
match for Jenks’s bull pup and he won’t
let ’em fight.
fJnstrine. ounded from
This prepai’at on, corni In©
formula of a ce’e j ruled physician, is highly
recommended to ladies who suffer from un¬
pleasant feeling s alter eating. Druggists.
There’s nothing more disgusting to a
boy than to follow a tire engine half a
mile lip a long hill under the impression that
that he’s going to the a fire machine only to find
they are taking to be re¬
paired.
A Remarkable Tribute.
“I Sidney have Ourclmmiro. of Hall’s Pittsburg, Pa., write.R:
used Dr. Win, Balsam for the
J-iV:ng8 many yearn, with the most gratifying re¬
sults. The reii' ving iuffneuee of Hall’s Balsam
is wonderful, Tlu psin ;,n<l rack of tlve body,
in-idt v.tiU to a tight cough, soon disappear by
th ust of a spoonful according to eir»—tion.>.
My wife riv.;u> semis for Hall’s Balsam instead
of a physician.”
l)r. RrecnN Oxygenated Bitters.
is the oldest and be st remedy for Dyspepsia,
Bbionsm ss, Malaria. Indigestion, all disorders
ot the Stoma-ch. and a ll di -eases indicating an
impure coiulition of the Blood, Kidneys and
Liver.
It was an enterprising sight wading to see
a newsboy down in the bottoms
ni^inil up to his knees in water shout¬
ing': “Here’s vour paper, all about the
flood !”
Dr.Worthihgton’s
THE GREAT
RAMP
! AND ^
JgM JBm V
iftRRHQE^MURE
JRT USED *
OVF.K 25 YEARS
... , .. II5 • X
iijLratrrv. and Inlroauccd n?i!|wpSiis. in the Army.
i J the s’ich ?•••»,•. it.
>• -':;nct*ou G. 4 -rnl C. S. A Recommended Kayner. Solicitor by Gen.
M-.«rr u. Parvr r-Geucr:.:: Hod. Kenneth
- f.-iTv-:;. v .ii o:h ■. s. Price, io ots. Sold by Drapcists
and Pf.iler* ■ g-nuine if our nam-is blown m bottle. Sole
•r'pntors, THE CHARLES A. VOGElEft UaiTiwoa* COMPANT, Mo i s. a.
.
I IlllNI gfcStom- Ell I IJ^ach Bitters he
r rears'
i
i
|
\ ^ embracing propon^ee the three
- Important
m of » preventive. *
| m tonic tive. and It fortifi"* an altera¬ lie
1
j ▼ItaiUet the And torpid liver.
•tomach sAlutary
mnd effect# a
h _ _
o|JTE n* s?ssstr ^
, YOU KG MEB r.M.T"
erup’ rt. addrt—> i*. \\ . JiKA ’*l» Ada. t)HIO
CO tre*. A : tire ', 2 Urh''' so n. n n i . . - ‘e£i£F&
M A WTKK. €h«dey «t io«*•*.«■, • a: i«
ontbt u«e Acdrers? Tbi k * Uo
.
erfU;Tt*ss; •i r-iiie ’ toichrji
Iona an ■ t
• - V \attot»T=l
v **• j Fir Av.,Ca:ca«w>,lIl.
A i >..n _•<!.; i p:>w<« i,« c a s™. m*«,
ri***. D * a~m, mi«t., _g «.jyu», _ M g
A cents wANi'EDfff*teBf;t»Edr^<tf-t m Urrr
£at. ‘xSIosai praj£Ts?'c<^"" 2 ti»EtA'oi. ***
Menseman’s peptonized beei tonic,the
only preparation of beef containing Its «n~
tire nutritious properties. It contains blood
malting, force-generating and lifessnstain
bl e «i conditions, whether the result of ex*
haustion, nervous prostration, overwork or
anut*> diaeases. particuiarlv 'Caswell, if resulting Hazard from &
pulmonary complaints.
C °’
A New Device.-A n Exchange says:
If your dog kills a chicken take the dead
bird, pass a leg each side of the dogs
let the •*> dog * run. **“ A*ter ** *"*“£„*£ the chicken
been about his neck for a day or tw,
your chickens will never again dp tronn „i
*7 that do*,
Tli^5 Prof^tlofl a Unit*
Mr. C. H. Draper, tH N*v 223 Main Street,
Worcester, Mass., volunteers th# following.*
“Having occasion recently to druggist; titSroeuy
for kidney disea. e, I applied Lincoln to my this
Mr. D. B. Williams, cf Square, the
city, and requested him to furnish me
best kidney medicine that he knew of, and he
hafided !n*» a bottle of Hunt’s Remedy, stat¬
in x that it wds ctmsidefed the best Le *ause
he had sell many bdttks it to his cus¬
tomers in Worcester, an I they till speak always of it
in the highest terms, and pronounce it
reliable. I took the bottle home and com¬
menced taking it, and find lhat it does the
vo k effectually; and I am pleased to recom¬ disease
mend to all who have kidney or liver
the use of limit’s Remedy, the sure cure.”
April ll, 188:',
M « All Slat fi«,
Mr; Gnonr* A. B'JBDErT, No. 185 Front
Strte f Worcester, Mjiss., nas just sent u 8 the
, to noiiit:
f o'lowing, afflicted directly with aiirtiehts to which all
humanity “ Being subject la 10 I ra id
is sooner or r #
carefully the advertisement regarding the tc
markable curative powers of Hunt’s Remedy,
and a*» it seemed to apply to my case exactly,
I purchased a bottle of the medicine at Jan
aery’s druc* store, in this city, and having
tael it with most beneficial result?* in my own
case, my wife and son also commended it?
nse, and it has most decidedly improved their
health, and we shall continue its use in our
family under ft iflh favorable results.”
April 17, 1883.
___
Driug Evideiicft.
Mr. George IV. IIomoMe, druggist, 129
and 131 Congress Street, Troy. N. Y., writes
April 7, 1883: te'ling Hunt’s Remedy
“I am constantly
for diseasea of the k d leys, liver, bladder
and urinary organs, to my trade and friends,
and find that it gives general satisfaction to
a 1 i wh o use it,”
________
The late Mr. Rindge began his busi¬
ness life ns an office hoy, and died worth
yi, 000,000; but the Boston Transcript
believes tluit ninety-nine out cf a linn
drod would rather begin worth $ 2 , 000 ,
000 , and ruii the risk of ending ns an
' iffice boy.
psffWl
r!
IP r.i
IFTst; rzi
H
mm mh |4
iF.
£1 (f
Roanoke Cotton Pres?.
The Best it ml Cheapest Press made.
(Josts Ipmk than nhnlpir over other r»r.>-s «. H'mdre'te in
actnal ui Q nt both'^tenm and li'ir.ve power frin-*. M ikes
heavy improvements bales by llftnd faster houses than any describe fiin can l in pick. tin The »rds
new in gin w
of their inventors, fret* to all. Address, Kimnoke Roanoke
Iron Works, Chattanooga, Tens., or
Cotton Press Co.* Ric h Square, n. O
Zi S]
*MIRC All list FAILS.
Beat Cough By run. Tosten druggist*. pood.
Use in lime. BohI by
‘33..-.
O' AND WIIISKT Y HABITS CURED
In Three ^ e ks
^ >r plr'PiphlofQ. pro-ifs and terras,
• 2 lrlre- s in eonfiflence, with 3c. stamp
.If. IK, 7,'.j Broad Street,
■t=*=> AN fJOOK for *11 Abo wi‘i makeaparc time *rof
itablc.ae o-p vir.g bumn'if y on can devota
your time to It. MOttK&T HILL. Bor. 7 aI, N. I
A n L D IMTfe S Dev »
m m
Cured Painlessly.
The Medicine *< Id tor r small nnrg •n at.( T.-, the cost o'
, ion.” <#mi>niindinK. For full A cartdoubt 1 . as^s tre-♦<•(} add by Hit sjht S< prehcrip
♦ rs re- 8 » coverer.
DS. S. B. COLL'H", Li Pod , «r.d.
Twelve horse power, STATIONARY ENGINE, in
perfect nmnine order, will be sold f'»r .f 150. Cu^h.
Address. Atlanta Newspaper Union, Atlanta, fi a*
tf c 3 4^ iW vtU ... per Uaj »l (luiue. ftaiuniert 4 Portla wurtn ire*.
& Adviress Stinson Co.. nd. Ms.
FREE 'biai'xkvJ’Iatversity, Atlanta- tia.
Fnr Tllustrafpd Cjroil»«• At/, year
am HIIVILIjH
TELEGRAPE COLLEGE.
Smith A SpaULDINO, Propr’s. Life echolarehipe,
Lillies, ln»Te:isinj $30. demnnd (ientlemen, $. r *0. References —SaJarr from required. $40
5 for operators. address, to
$1 -h jw*r month. For full particulars J.T.
^i anldfnc. Business Mentwrer. Nashxilxk. Tknn
eman BrsiNESsC ollege, Newark,IS.d. Write for circulars. im<.
Posit ions for graduates.
J combination 0 / Fn»
tojriuo of Iron, Peruvian
HI ■w jgf rjf first gw fiyy Jy a/ My jger &ZW nv d jS* m a 1 Hark and.Phosphorus in
y it £$4? ** fihr —£ ^ « %*alatable form, / <>*
Cpr i '-zf Pim 1 rr & J W ST ft W *y v — S3 Debility Loss of of -Lp J y*
r jm *3 / 32 LrJf & ?sL ^ tit*, Prostration Vital
\ 9 ra of Poieers it is indispens^
ble.
^inVaf^^Vthe/puRiFiEs/.^^t^r^ IOCM TONtO. I take pleasure/ TH£ f ”,“7“ ,,
CTestlv ti • stat.xiR benefited that I Cav- t>v Seen i*® / /Ylf JS Bsc JLiVS S I MRT1 18 U 8 X3/ 1 R f % *ti 08 t BEusiIsI't fftlUBtiv , f*jf
& / fore**#
misters ^nd ‘ h* debilitated
lit Soe-H.kers WLU find it gmmmk
.'*ary ,.f « ue“ ^ ^ * TeOOIHTIleTltl OD-tt- ti* ^ * letes » % , * i* . il j --- M ft T i
as a *«Dabl^ remedial T i
fȣ*ent. possessiiii? un* i
doubted, nutritive and
nstO rative propel rties. -4
L--.il trill*. Ay., CW. 2, , iof 2 .
r SS?ASISBYT5S DR. HARTER KrDJCI?.'n CO.. £13N 1IA3ST.. £T V.ZIZ
The Westinghouse Engine
—AS ADAPTED TO—
COTTON < 3 - X TsT TT I TT O-.
tiW'SEXD FOR SPECIAL CIRCULAR.^
Ko Counter Shafting or Pulley* ' V i
KtflUireu* A
x
Sa ' ed - m St
(lias btItori il rei't frrm Engine, or
ecup ,d ■ i*, ss : n this cat,
W hhuut Belt.
p ipr t be et iOO feet from Gin
IToi > u - lb' Most Feif ct oat.fit for ^5 ’IS
GINNING CO rTON in theweiM.
IgWEtH-l /. , V ‘ st ted Circular
TbE WEStMWE MACHINE CO., RtfliL'II, Pa.
General tate Agencies:
Pantki. A. Tompkins. Charlotte, N rth Car j!ica.
AT’ ,'XTA Kn«ineep.ing . : any, 33 Marietta S reet, Jive A:i>n-a, Georg'*.
Miv:-IV JilfcBY iErtN \\ vUa, ... ^ornery, Alsiaina.
I“ —I L!)()”'~,:A
.
For You, 4 -
Madam V*
/
Whose Complexion betrays
some humiliating imperfec¬
tion, whose mirror tells you
that you are Tanned, Sallow
and disfigured in counte¬
nance, or hare Eruptions,
Redness, Roughness tints of Complex¬ or un¬
wholesome
ion, we say use Hagan’s Mag¬
nolia Balm.
It is a delicate, harmless
and delightful article, natural pro¬ and
ducing the most
entrancing tints, the artifici¬
ality of w hich no observer
can detect, and which soon
becomes permanent if the
Ma emu noliaHalm is judiciously
use ?d. *
illsf
^ j
i:ew improved
W Jti. T C IE 3 : M
l*r,,-r ( St wit. tmt rime Keepers, lowest pricev
SESJJ i i i.i OaTAU»C*UE
J P. * tV£KS WATCH CO.
:1 Win rEiiALi. Street, ATLANTA. OA.
jU 1 i
i
n:
L
Sj® \
[flSSii
MEN GINES
small 0 N PR E S S E S
e
UR
a
CLARASTREETIN -Tmmmm
l£ G
i I
iH iL.ic.ioim c .ir.iy i t.
/ENTYANC 8 "
EIGHTEEN
lanjiawa
WjHiE[N MJL
IU k.
U v
f!
HHYWOIjXJS’
IRON WORKS.
». A. Ml I./ Ml, MoongeV.
P, 0 Box 1690 ew Orleans, Lff
Miinnfnctiirer* o'Reynolds* Oojobjrl
I’l l'
3M Fronts, Columns Railing, D»ac«
Bm i^BDEBS C S 0 £lciTED.
-THE BEST IS CHEAPEST.”
.Si THRESHERS SAW MILLS,
Clover Outers
BILL & FACTltr.. SUPPLIES
OF ALL KINDS. BEHTING, HOSE
and PACKING, OILS, PUMPS ALL
KINDS, IRON PIPE, FITTINGS,
BRASS GOODS, STEAM GAUGES,
ENGINE GOVERNORS, A 0 . Sendfor
Price-list W. H. DILLINGHAM & CO
421 Main Street, LOU ISVILLE. KY.
m morphine habit. Ten
No pay till cured.
years established, 1,000
cured. State case. Dr.
Marsh. Q uincy, Mich.
; 4 . n. it........ .......Twpnty.Six.—’S3
SOU OTHER SIZES. Redoeed PRICE LIST FMI.
FORGES, TOOLS, Ac.
11 E f 0 Te'r” “ nv!K V?o^T WHOLBSALE oK& RETAIL.
A T LOWEST PRICES, *