Newspaper Page Text
THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.
WHAT WE FIND IN THE IIUJHOROD8
PAPERS.
GTjAT? to see him.
A young man in a far Western town
met a lady on the street who was
from the same Fastorn town he was,
but who had never treated him very
dinlly at home. Bhe was glad to see
him, and rushed at him with:
“How do you do? Fm awful glad to
pee you. When did you come ? IIow
are 'nil the folks?”
“Very well, thank yon. I came in—”
“Well, I'm so glad to see you,” she
interrupted impetuously. “Yon know,
I never knew you very well in S-, but
I get so homesick out hero that I’m glad
to see even a dog, if it comes from the
ciear old place.”— Drummer,
HAD TO GO ON.
Tn the panicky days of 1872 a Haiti
morean went to a trusted friend anil
asked his advice in regard to failing,
and affecting a cheap settlement will;
his r ml it ora.
“What aro your liabilities?” w;.;
asked.
{‘About *2,000.”
“Anil your assets ?”
“Oh, I'm worth about $50,000.”
“And how much do you hope to beat
your creditors out of?"
“Well, perhaps twelve hundred.”
“My dear sir, you are next door to n
business idiot! Where you beat yoni
creditors out of twelve hundred the la”
vers will beat you out of twenty-four.
You have started altogether wrong.
You should bo worth 82,000 and bo in
debt $50,000. Let this be n solemn
warning never to do such a foolish thin"
again. No, sir, you can't fail. Go
buck to tin- business and pay dollar fi.i
dollar, and it will serve you just right,
too." *
The dealer followed tho advice, ami
it wasn’t until last year that he could
bring a failure around and settle fm
twelve cents on tho dollar.— Wall Kira!
A’ewt.
a msavnAU express package.
A lady who was waiting for a package
in tho freight department of tho Ameri¬
can Express carelessly office rested siit down on some boxes
and one arm on an ex¬
press package close by. and In a few touched mo¬
ments something warm soft
her arm, causing a very curious thrill.
She looked into the box through a lnir
ro v crack and saw two bright eyes,
when “There’s she appealed something to one alive of the in men: there,"
she suggested.
“T guess not,” said tho man going on
with his work.
The next moment a little, feeble wail
came from the box.
“Good gracious, it’s a lmby,” cried
tho alarmed woman, “and it will surely
smother 1 ”
,Severn] employees gathered around the
box, and on inspecting the aperture they
e iuld distinctly pathetic see the bright eyes
and small face of a deserted in¬
fant Humanity is ever uppermost
Some of the men were fathers. They
could nol stand Uiis cruel abuse of help
less offspring, and one indignant man
tore off the cover, and—a small African
monkey, billed to the German bird-store,
weight live pounds, express charge sev
t-niy livo auuU, 1 .m ;1 nvrr tlmir head
and curved itself defiantly on a pile ol
boxes. Tableau on the lady’s part.
Monkey Bat unlay.— baby caged 1 and delivered on
D< trail W.
NOT flO SAT.T tTP THERE.
A good story is told of an elderly gon
(loman who 1ms be 11 visiting in Bangm
lor some time past, says the Oomrncr
flat. He had been observed every
pleasant afternoon sitting near the
string piece wharf, of tho lower Maine Central
Railroad taking iu the whole of
the fresh Mouthwester which usually
ruffles the I’enobseot in summer, and
one day a stevedore lounged up, and
fating off a piece of “pig-tail,” asked
et influentially: “Waitin' ft-coiuin'
for some craft ou
this breeze?"
“No,” answered the visitor.
"Gut a Vi sail in tho tier?"
“Oh, dear! no.”
“P'raps yer winder ship?”
“Heavens, no 1 I’m not a sailor.
“Like ter lmng up round their dock,
hey?” “Yes,"
answered the visitor, enthu¬
siastically, “1 do like to sit here and
breath the cool salt air as it comes nihli
in from the sea."
“The stevedore threw away his olid,
put his hands in his pockets and bent a
look ot mingled pity and contempt on
the stranger, as he said:
“Balt ! There ain't 110 salt wind up
here. Why they fill fillers six miles
below Bangor.”
And thus another bright fancy was
stepped ou.
A DIFPERKNOU.
An administrator who, in winding up
fhe estate of a deceased friend, inserted
a notice in a newspaper, to the effect
that all who had accounts with the late
Colonel Hinkle, must come nnd settle,
or legal steps would bo taken to enforce
mob settlement. The next day a man
calk'll around and said:
“1 mu glad that you printed that
law. —'«•»« f.ir I don't want *a oa
“You are au honest man,” replied the
administrator.
"Yes, 1 hope so. I owed the colonel
t yen tv dollars.”
“Shall 1 write you a receipt ?"
“No, not yet. The colonel, ns this
cote will show, owed me forty dollars.
Give me drawn twenty dollars, us I don't want
to l»e into law.”
“Give yt u twenty dollars I” exclaimed
the administrator. “Do you take me
tor a fool? Tin' business of an admin
iterator is to collect debts, and not to pay
tium .”—Arkansas Tratrier.
he’d t.ike to know, too.
A sudor who thought lie had Wen
i lu-ated by a second-hand clothier in
Buffalo, returned with the garment and
■ii-iuandcd his money. When this w.i.
refused, he shouted out; (
“Ill raise a row with some of you
bt ' r< l; j
nbosliali it 1*6 ? _ ;
“I want^to S ee the party who own?
'Jits atom.' j
l.ypi ^ I
’'Y\ here • lie ? ••
is |
“Dot s vhat 1 d like to know myself.
You _ front,
see, my my uncle Isaac first
< [>eued dis sthore, nud he failed und as¬
signed. Ben my fadder-law he runs it
nnd burns oudt, and shlips off to New
5 ork. Pen my brndder Moses runs it
und pays ten cents ou drr dollar. Den
my wife goes into peeshuess und make
me agent, und shust vhen I feels dot I
'ml scooped her out of eaferv shilling,
along cornea her cousin mit’a chattel
mortgage on der last old coat, if nm
1 t —11 me who owns dis place 1 hke to
gif yon such a suit of clothes ash would
•sake a king feel stuck up aij oafer."_
Wall Street Alev*.
REVISED ANECDOTES.
Sflmciliitur In th© Way ot Fable« from
Harper’s Magazine lor July*
Diogenes.— Diogenes the Athenian
having by his cynical remarks induced
( tho citizens to believe that their rulers
; were no better than they should lie, anil
| that telligence, lie had a corner day on at virtue theCom- anil in
: met one noon
mitteo of One Hundred, and upon in
j quiring of them their mission, looking was for in
formed that they were an
honest man to run for Chief Magistrate
of the city on a non-partisan ticket,
“In that ease, fellow-citizens,” replied
Diogenes, “you need go no further. 1
am the man you are looking for. Your
candidate 1 will be,” Anilafteraocept
ing the nomination he added, in con.fi
dunce, to the friends in whose hands he
had placed himself, that he did not be
lieve in a man biding bis lantern under a
tub.
Alexander and Bucephalus.— Philip
of Macedon was the possessor of a horse,
Bucephalus by name, which all his
grooms bail in vain endeavored to train
so that it would show a three-minute
record.
His youthful son Alexander, however,
undertook fhe job, and was not long in
subduing the animal. exploit having
The news of this been
brought to the king, he was not slow in
sending for his son, to whom he ad¬
dressed tho following words: “You
must seek out for yourself some
other kingdom than mine, my son, be¬
cause business people who go good into for tho horse
are rarely anything
else.”
It was upon hearing these words that
Alexander wept to think that he would
have to conquer other kingdoms instead
of coining into one at the old man's
ileath.
C VESAII AND THE I’U.OT. — C. JlllillS
Ceesor having occasion to make a sea
voyago, a storm sprang up, and the ves¬
sel was placed in imminent peril.
At this moment Ciosar’s freeilman,
On. Pompilius Mufiiliiginus, whispered
to his master, “Would it not bo well
for you, O Ciesar, to encourage the pilot
by reminding him that ho carries Cmsar
and Iris fortunes ?”
“By no means," replied the conquer
or. “It would only rattle him; anil be¬
sides, if he saved us he would expect i.
liberal tip.”
Mohammed and the Hpideh.—T he
Prophet Mohammed, while fleeing from
his enemies, was compelled the to take ref¬
uge in a cave, across mouth of
which a spider sj un her web,so that tin
pursuers on coming lip wore convinced
that no one had entered there.
Upon rejoining fail bis family give in safety the
Prophet did not to an account
of bis wonderful deliverance, anil evil
afterward bis young wife Ayeslia, it was
observed, would ruto severely or even
chastise the slaves when she had noticed
that they had neglected to sweep the harem, down
the cobwebs from the roof of
observing that people things. could not be ton
ciiiofttl about such
Mohammed, in recognition thereupon of her
affection and thoughtfulness,
adopted Ayeslni’a black petticoat as the
standard of tho Arabian nation, quelling
the. murmurs of tho haughty chiefs, who
were reluctant to follow so feminine an
emblem to the field, by the remark that
if lie, the Prophet of Allah, was so much
ulralil ol Mint, i Uwint, nmol, more
would the infidels be terrified.
Simple Dresses For Summer.
There has been suddenly developed, simple
says Harper's I lit nor, a fancy for
dresses of plain fabrics and a single
color, by the way of giving variety tn
the wardrobe, and prominent among
these cos hi in oh is the use of plain gren¬
adine with gros grain, as opposed to the
rich, velvet-figured dress grenadines colored— with
satin. When the is
dark red, copper, lapis blue, or golden
brown—it is made of the smoothest silk
gauze of a single shade or else change¬
able with black, draped over plain gros
grain or tafl'ota silk. If the dress in
black, the material in the urmure-fig
iircil or square-meshed grain grenadine, ottoman ami
Hie silk is plain gros or
replied. Luce is the trimming for all
Hueli dresses, but this may be confined
to the basque, in which case only three
or four yards are required for the full
frills on the sleeves, nee.' and down the
front. The ecru emlnoutcries that are
done on a net foundation, and resemble
'ace, are used for eolorei- grenadines,
vhilo for black dresses the French,
Spanish, and guipure laces aro chosen.
At the best furnishing houses there
•ire black grenadines of nine quality
made up with the deep-pleated kilt
skirt, full apron drapery, and short
basque that constitute tho popular de¬
sign this season for tho simplest wool
dresses. The grenadine lie edged kilting is lnce in
wide pleats, and may with
which falls at the foot upon one or two
narrow knife-pleating* that are needed
to relieve the long straight effect of the
lengthwise pleats. Tho upper drapery
is not cut out by any pattern, but is ar¬
ranged in inexplicable folds on becoming the top
of the skirt, in any way most
,to the wearer. The lower edges of the
grenadine aro most often turned under
above a kilt-pleating, but if it is meant
that the front should be decidedly four in
apron shape, it is edged with luce or
t\ , t , 4.x*Uoo wiilill 0*1 tU\l ll»VA lllll.f rot
Oil the back drapery; only two yards gathered are
needed, and this is put on in a
frill without heading, the edge of the
lace being passed under the wide hem
of the grenadine; one third extra fullness
is all that is added for lace. Pleated
lace is not used.
The trimming width of laces for
basques is about three inches, while that
for aprons and for flounces on skirts
varies from three to eight inches in
width; when two different widths arc
used they should have the same design,
and indeed the same patterns may be
had in throe different widths, the
third width being used for frills around
the lii|»s. which are either laid upon tin
wertnp idin puff, where they will appear
j Ils ( l>,,knv the short basque* itself or else under they
-re attached to the basque along
q,e si nder scallop* that are cut
lts lH ^ 0 The French laces that unit a
Chantilly designs arc used for su.
drosses in pretty patterns of shaded nisi -
ros 6 -lu;ds, palms, arui feathers;theprii
0 f these Dog i\ as low *.\s 25 ivuts a yi
j u q lt> q UVt . inch widths, and mere
up to $1.60; excellent designs are s
f or $3 <lr 50 cents a yard.
nis Ulstfk 1 ,ord Wolseley trav
in the Duke of F. l r.burgh's suite to
eorcmatwn of the ir in his ordi
attire, and the astonishment of
Russians was intense when they lea
that the quiet broking man in the
ulster w.is the victor of Tel-el-Kebr
seems to have been in the mie i
s“ much splendor a capital adv
mem. Like the Frenchman whos
» 1 -s buttonhole made him
guild , 1 lord YVoiseiey’s ulster 1
, obs-ervatk*.
him out for special would beer v
Waging uniform have
1 crowd of aimbar trappings.
Aphorisms of Holmes.
Ton may set it down as a trnth ■which
admits of few exceptions, that those who
ask Memory your opinion really want finds your praise.
is a net. One it full of i
fish when he takes it from the brook,
but a dozen miles of water have run
through it without sticking.
God bless all good women! To their
soft bands and pitying hearts we must
"
all come at last.
Put not vour trust in money, but put
your money in trust.
When a strong brain is weighed with a
true bubble heart, it seems wedge to me like balancing
a against a of gold.
Controversy equalizes fools and wise
men in the same way-and the fools
know ' it
I find the groat thing in this world is
direction not so much where we stand as in what j 1
we are moving.
If the sense of the ridiculous is one
side of an irrepressible that nature, it is
very well; bnt if have is all there is in
a man, he had better been an ape
and stood at the head of his profession
at once.
Travelers change their guineas; not
their characters.
There are three wicks to the lamp of a
man’s life; brain, blood, awl breath.
Press the brain a little, its light goes
out, followed by both the others. Stop
the heart a minute and out go all three
of the wicks. Choke the air out of the
lungs, supply awl presently other the fluid ceases
to the centers of flame,
,iwl all is soon stagnation, cold and dark¬
ness.
The scientific study of man is the most
difficult of all branches of knowledge. miseries
There are a good many real
in life that wo cannot that help smiling wrinkles at,
1 jut they are the smiles make
uni not dimples.
We must have a weak spot or two in a
character before we can love it much.
People that do not laugh or cry, or take
more of anything than is good for them,
>r use admirable anything subjects but dictionary for biographies words,
arc
lint we don’t care most for those flat
pattern flowers that press best in tin
herbarium.
Faith always implies tlio disbelief of a
lesser fact in favor of a greater.
The Broad Church, I think, will nevei
he based upon anything that requires
I he use of language. Freemasonry gives
the idea of such a church The ciqi ol
(will water does not require to be trails
luted for a foreigner to understand it.
The only ltroad Church possible is that
which has its creed in the heart, awl nol
in the head.
1 would have a woman as true as death.
U the first real lie, which works fron
i ho heart outward, slie should be tender
ly chloroformed into a better world
where she ran have an angel for a gov¬
erness, and feed on strange fruits, which
diall make her all over again, even ti
her bones and marrow.
Why can't, somebody give us a list of
things which and everybody another list thinks things aiq
nobody everybody says, awl nobody of thinks
that says j
A REMARKABLE TRIAL.
A Note«l Frcnrhiiiitii itna Ills Fritflilliil
Crime.
The most remarkable trial of modern
times is now in progress in Paris. The
Marquis do Rays and seventeen accom
dices are on trial for manslaughter and
; rand.
The Marquis advertised six years ago
that he owned the bland of Port Breton
in the Pacific, ai d was ready to sell lands
to colonists. Maps of tho island, rival¬
ing those of Eden shown to Martin
Clmzzlcwitz, wore prepared, anil repre¬
sented Port Breton as a civilized and
flourishing place, with public buildings,
theatres, and everything else adapted to
make a French colonist contented. The
Marquis announced that ho intended to
people his island exclusively with French
Legitimists, for whose piety and devo¬
tion to Henri V. he had the most un¬
limited reverence. Such acolony would
command the approbation of his alleged
Majesty, and were Franco to continue tv
reject him, tho King would probably his faith¬ go
to Port Breton and reign over
ful colonists.
The Marquis’s scheme was warmly
supported by the Legitimist papers. No
less than 700,000 hectares of land were
sold, although the island contains only
7 ( 00 Money was also lavishly sub¬
, .
scribed for fitting out ships to convey
emigrants, nnd this money, exclusive of
that received from the sale of land, is said
to have amounted to 5,000,000f. Four
ships were sent out laden with complaints emigrants
to the Pacific, and, although and
were made that the ships were old
unsi aw'orthy, no French newspaper and
no French Government officer had any
doubt that Port Breton wins already in¬
habited by French settlers and that the
scheme of the Marquis was a bona fide
011 c. The colonists sent out by tho Mar
quis suffered terrible from lack of food
on the passage, and those who finally
reached Port Breton found *thnt it w as a
wilderness infested with bloodthirsty
savages. In a short time 250 colonists
died of fever and starvation; 5 were cap
furl'd and eaten by the natives, and only
burnt 100 escaped to reach an inhabited
.
Of the guilt of the Marquis do Bays
md those associated with him there can
no doubt. He knew that his whole
>eheme was a fraudulent one. Probably
lit imtqiimil Ulllt ... t of hlS vlctiTOS
would be drowned in consequence of the
unseaworthy character of the ships in
w hich lie had sent them to sea, and that
d any of them did reach Port Breton
they would starve to death before any
meat s of escaping could reach them.
His erirne was not manslaughter, but
w holesale and deliberate murder, and
no punishment that he can receive will
m -et his deserts.
The Garlic.
The violets charm your eyes, but yon
must be blind if you couldn't hear the
garlic smell. They sav this fragrant
herb was introduced into Pennsylvania
by a farmer who came from over the
seas and locate,, near Westchester. He
sowed a field of it for green finkier for
his cattle. It fell upon good ground,
.use there is no other kiud in that
d : t grew ami brought forth
And it spread all over
Down the shaded lane,
• doll, ou verdant hilbudes
daisy-sprinkled blades meadow. at
or three grass
together there is a bunch
eir midst. You never saw
it out West. Sometimes
• , w .■ lers into it and devours ii
ith the clover. And then
v it'.V a glass of milk you ge
dung ou the flies in wanton
to see them die
Tbe total assessof valuation
.>1 States is as follows: N. w
tees $2,652,076,586; Middle
67,073.848; Southern Stati-s,
890; Western State's, $6,180.
rritorie's, $128,213,629, Total
',567. This is about one
rue raioanoa.
How “Greasers” Live.
^ lfe wor '^ ‘‘Greaser’* is applied to tht
®fj mmo n or Indian Mexican,
There is . a great and marked difference,
|*^, e 8 < ® s ^f <3istinclion, between the
Greaser Mexican and the bpanibh froth
Mexican, who boost of a deecent former
pure Castilian blood. The is
W> thriftless, h^orant, superstitious, Usually
and unstable. The latter is
bnght, active. and intelligent. As might
b *j ?«P«>tod, they, m harmony with the
whi o element, control most of the
Y e8 th r ‘»‘ commerce of the Country,
In the northern States of old Mexico the
greatest portion of the people are of the
forD f class an« hence the Govern
are « n ? table 8nd “ b l“* to fre !
QiioDt revolution under tlie iunueDce of
tious leaders. In the more, southerly
BG-tes there is a greater diffusion of the
Castilian blood, and revolutions are
more rare and difficult. Ou the ranch
ar village home of’the “Greaser” Mexi¬
can everything hears the stamp of negli¬
gence and shiftlessnesB, long-legged,
Their gaunt, sharp-nosed,
and tan-colored hogs share with their
owners in the comforts of the family
residence. No fences except brush sur¬
round their fields. Generally there wheat, are
none. They raise just sufficient
barley, beans, and chili fml peppers) to
meet their absolute needs, They thrash i
their crops upon hare, smooth them ground and
by driving flocks of goats over They
washing in the nearest stream. stick, and the
often plow with a crooked
hoo is their scythe, sickle, and reaper, They
even their hay is cut with a hoe.
as a rule live in villages and cultivate
small fields upon their outksirts. Living,
as they do, and possessing a soil which
under irrigation is wonderfully little produc¬
tive, they require but ground ti
cultivate. For this reason at points be¬
tween their villages there are large tracts
of unoccupied lands subject occupied to entry,
which are being rapidly by
A nericans.
An impression prevails somewhat at
tho North and East that the inertia of
this people is duo largely to some ener
vating influence of tho climate. This G
in error. The climate is superb, and
(lie air exhilarating rather than enervat
ing. I have been here in all seasons
and know of no climate where I can ex
ert myself so freely with so little ex
haiistion. This is the universal record
of American settlers. Rarely does tin
mercury range over ninety degrees in
the hottest summer day, and the aummi r
heats are almost invariably tempered heard by
pleasant breezes. I have never oi
i ease of sunstroke here. Tho night
ire always cool, requiring blankets for
omfort, and free from mosquitoes, and
loop is sweet and restful. I have never
,-cn a mosquito-bar in New Mexico, not
lave I ever felt the need of one. As 1
mve said before, taken as a whole, the
nun try is not beautiful nor attractive to
he eye. The mountain scenery is at
nany points wonderfully beautiful and
icturesque. But apart from the mono
.fins and the few river valleys the country
s one vast cattle-range.— Correspond¬
ence of the Chicago Tribune.
Bargaining With a Pump.
Some thirty years ago, an intemper
ite man xvas reformed by being refused
one cherry. Penniless, he went to the
public house one morning, where he had
squandered many a shilling, to get a
drink “on tick. ” The landlady refused
to trust him. Seeing a plate of luscious
ripe Cllturien on the blir, ho ookod for
but one. “Save your money and buy
your own cherries,” was the reply. “I
will,” he said, and he did. His wounded
pride forced him to reflect; reflection
ensured amendment. From that morn¬
ing he was reformed.
The following story tells of a flannel
weaver who was induced by ft surly good an¬
swer to reflect and then to make a
bargain This with had a-pump. guinea for the
man saved a
purpose of having a whole week’s dissi
patiou. He began on Monday, spending days
three shillings per day fur seven ;
on the morning of the eighth he was
burning with thirst, but his money was
gone. Judy, the landlady, mopping the
was
passage; he stood looking at Judy, with
his cracked lips, parched tonguo and
bloodshot eyes, expecting her to i.sk
him to take just a drop; but she did not,
and he requested her to trust him for
only one pint. look and
With an indignant of scorn
contempt she replied, “Trust thee ! thou
dirty, idle vagabond ! Bet a step in this
house, and I will dash this mop in tin
face.”
Tho poor wTetch hung down In's head
in shame. He was loaning against n
pump; and after a little study began to
talk to the pump.
“Well, rump,” said he, “I have not
spent a guinea with thee, Pump; will
tuou trust me a drop ?” ,
He lifted up the handle, put his burn¬
ing mouth to the spout, and drank his
till; this done, he again said to tin
pump— “Thank thee, Pump; and hem
now
me, Pump. I will not enter a public
‘“" 80 ?f alD !° r s f VPU 7° ars; and.
I ump, tbou art a witness ,
bhe b « 8 8ln «s kept, and tins mu
afterward became a respectable ma in
thoturer and often said that it was n
S™>‘\ ‘W f thv0! ‘ t '
eued to dash the mop in his face.
Too I’RETTr.— Mary Bullock got a ri¬
diculously heavy verdict against the
English company on whose railroad sbe
was slightly hurt. But ft new trial has
been granted, as expressed by tho
Judge, that she witnesses, and her sisters, who beauti¬ ap¬
peared as their her charm of were so had
ful that person seem¬
ingly deprived the jury of common
sense.
Penetrated to the Hone.
Alderman John Baxter. Toronto, Can¬
ada. avers that St. Jacobs Oil will pene¬
trate to the Ikiuc to drive out pain. I
knotr it, far l hair tried if: it hits the
mark every time.
A natural oil, cleanly, one that will not- be¬
come rancid, one that is jx netrating. one that
combines ail these qualities is C&rboline, the
most elegant hair-dresser and restorer. Try
»*•
Pedantry crams our ears with learned lumber
and lakes out our brains to make room for it.
—[Colton.
Enrich ami reviialire the blood by r.s'ns
B:o*n’s Iron Billers,
Silence never shows itself to so go al an ail
' sntage a- when it is made the reply to I'.V.um
nv and defamation. - [Addison.
<'HAKItorrRsvnj.R Va.—M r. C. H. H t
mar. President ot the People’s Rank.testi-
6 e» to the value oi Brown’s Iron Bitters for
relieving indigestion,
Inference s the most delicate, the most ;n
'bee. • so '. the re st elegant of a:: compliments.
■ nstom
Marianna. Fl A—Dr. Thro. West s«v«i
*‘I consi ier Brown’s Iron B t'ers thebe*
»onic lhst » *oM-’
Tho trfitfri harp of til).- life is to 1
thoroughly resignfa to prorid nee. a resigna¬ life.
tion which constitutes The true rvposer of
T adie,h’ * children shoots & shoes cannot run
over if Lyon’s Latent Heel Stiffefief* are used.
It should seem that indolence itself would
incline a person to be honest, as it requires
infinitely greater pains and contrivance Ut he a
knave.
Itead T hi A.
l*be Array and KaV£ XJtiittenb tnk*s th*
soreness out of spavin, ringbone, splint or
curb, and arrests iheir growth. Cures
colic, scfa f ches afid other diseases. Good
for man or beast Fot sale by all druggists.
A woman should never accept a lover with
ou the cotlsefit of her heart, nor a husband
without the- consent ot her judgment.
tl I woulJ.ti t be without Dr. Benson's Celery
and Chamomile neuralgia Pills if they cost SI a pill .
Tbm/ cured me of of G years' stand¬
ing —Joseph Snyder, Paxions, Pa. 50 cts.
per box at druggists.
Cheerfulness lit kfgfe r’oftes is the best roodL
cine one can take along ill bis oiit-door tramps.
Dr. Benson’s Skin Cure is without a peer.
It consists of both external and internal
treatment and dosts only $1 at druggists.
than Good when is never more effectually performed
it is produced by small degrees.
Mrs. Harriet Cummings, of Cincinnati, Ohio,
writes: Early last winter my daughter settled was her at¬
tached with a severe cold which on
lungs; We tried several tiiedhdncs, none she of
which seemed to do her a tty good, but OOtr
tinned to get worse, and finally raised largo'
amounts of bloocl from her lungs. We called
in a family physician, but be failed to do her
any good. We then called in of a physician—a colleges-—
most skillful professor in one our
he said that she could not get well. At this
time a friend who ad been cured by Dr. Wm.
Hall’s Balsam for the Lungs, advised me to
give It a trial. We then Sot a bottle, and be¬
fore sbe had Used it ali tip fine began to improve
and by the use of three bottles slie Was entirely
cured.
It may be remarked* for the comfort of hon¬
es poverty, that avarice reigns most in those
who have hut is few goo • qualities to recommend ill
them. This a weed that will grow only
barren soil.—[Hughes.
ON TIIIKTV HATH* 'fit fAt..
The Voltaic BeltOo., Mi rnhall. Mich,
will «end Dr Dye’s Celel rated Electro
Voltuiv* Dolts mid Electric Appliances on
fri 1 for thirty flays to men (young and
iild) who are afflicted with nervous del.il
’t-v, lost vit litv nnd kindl'd troubles,
guaranteeing speedy and complete resto¬
ration of above. health n' N. d B.—No manly risk vi'/or.. is incur¬ Ad¬
dress as
red, as thirty days’ trial is allowed.
A knight of the razor—Saturday night.
Gngtriiic. recommended to
Ladies are pariicularly etc. All
try Gvstiiine lor 1; a 'a he, nausea,
druggists.
Whatever is becoming is honest, and what¬
ever is honest must always be becoming.
IfEN8 F,man's peptonized beei tonic, its the
* niy preparation of beef containing en ¬
tire nutritious properties. It contains blood
in.*king, f«.rce geueradng and life^sustain
ing prop* rties; iivaluable for indigestion,
dyspepsia, nemu3 prostrati n, and all
foitus of general dtbility; a so, in all enfee¬
bled condit ons, whether the result of ex**
haustion, neivous prostration, over«*woik or
acute diseases, particularly if resulting Hazard from
pulmonary complaints. Caswell, druggists. <&
Co., Proprietors, N. Y, 8old by
A dark horse—The nightmare.
Dr. Stiles, Brooklyn. N. Y., was cured by Dr
Elmore’s lUienmatine-Goutaline of very severe
ltlieiimatism and kidney disease of several
year’s standing, after trying everything else
without benefit.
ONE of lh«- beet stops for a hand-organ is a
pewter dime.
Our Rest Families.
I hove boen tronbled for oxer six years with
a Revere kidney complaint, also a weakness
of the urinary organs, with its attendant
(roubles. My water needed constant atten¬
tion. some days as many as twenty times,
with severe pains in the bladder, ns well ns
in the beck and loins. At times I passed a
limited quantity of urine, highly colored wilh
unnatural heat nnd sediment; frequently I
evnena ions would be something very painful. con¬
cluded tlmt I must do for it, feir
injj that imne serious trouble would follow.
I went to the druggist and was recommended
to use Hunt’s Remedy, as it had been used
with wonderful rnecess in several severe cases
of dropsy and kidney and bladder affeolions
here in Bangor. I concluded to try it, nnd
be'ore I had used one bottle found it was
helping mo beyond my expectations. My
wafer became more natural, less color and
sediment, the pains in back and that heavy
fee’ing gone, with a general toning up of the
system: and I continued tonse it until I used
six hott’es, and it has completely enred me.
Others of my family have used Hunt’s
Remedy with equally as good success, and
we do not hesitate to reoommend it far and
near, believing it a duty as well ns a pleasure
to recommend so good a medicine as Hunt’s
Remedy. You are at liberty to give my
testimony to the public. D. T. Hodobek.
O’sington, Me., May 19,1883.
I indorse the above statement.
A. M. Ropinson, Jh.,
Apothecary. Bangor, Me.
There is no evil we cannot either face or tiy
from, bnt the consciousness of duty disregard¬
ed.—[Webster.
ilUIMIISIIillllUHHfnUUSHie I HE GREAT GERMAN
ptfimfiimrimumRiiimiR-t REMEDY
oiimuimumiiffliinmio | FOR PAIN.
Relieve# and cures
niii:niATis)i.
Neuralgia,
mimnimunmtP ] Sciatic:, Lumbago,
, ntnuctiK.
Aj HEADACHE. TOOTHACHE,
(HMWonasj ! 1 SORE THROAT.
grass QUINS’. Soreness. SPRAINS. . SWELI.IXGS. Cuts. Bruises,
yitOM BITES.
Rl ItVV SCALDS.
A nd all other bodily aches
ffl and pains.
FIFTY CENTS A BOTTLE.
sold hr all Druggists and
Dealers. Directions i n 11
languages. 17
The Charles A. Vogeler Co.
tSucocMors to A. VCHiElJER 4 CO.)
Hallim« r»s M'i^ t•
((OSjUBRi Hoet^tter*# Stora
acb Bitters, by in¬
creasing vital pow¬
er, and rendering
the physical regular func¬ and
tions
active, keeps the
system in good and work¬
ing order, pro¬
tects it against dis
mi ■r ease. For constipa- and
E tion. complaint, dyspepsia
L/3 =- f hrmr aidn#y ner- and
f vonsnnss, ailments,
. rhemnatic invaluable, and it
it is defence
\ affords a malarial sure fe
against besides remoring
rers. of such i*
all traces
kifflkS ease from the sy« c .a.
For sale b> ail
drnggiate an 1 deni¬
er* iteneraily
Dr. LaFiEUS * FRENCH MCUSTACHE VIGOR
ilrrwa » N-*rd e c tb* »rro-ii)e*A fare in TO «»’• w
M - 'ne* rt.’ticdtd. S«m fail*. Se* too r-co-.itr'^Oe
ry rUBd or siirer. 3 far* age* ferfl . B - » x -r r ■ bc*f
JI4 «“1 iBltatums: *ooe c«Vr gro ’.or- Send fore ircoiar
r. tv saxe. bex n, v- ••sx* led. IS. A
ffOD WEEK in vwur own town. Terms and
JWD15 outtUree. aSUrs H^aileO k Oo..Pun5iaii;
fr (313 i, MftptrdaTathome. »,{U AiJrasfSrissoa Farcplc* PorUanT. worth
tr». too. Mo
A kTO-iiiiS PTBX by. .«•, OV 4
■EM > ATJONAl 1 PHJNC. latlTa I '
^ 7ft A VVTLK. $12 a d*v at home emsfly made
Jl CHi^itree. Ahlress TruekCo. 1 Aag'a.<a. Ms
FREE Send to !HOOBF S
l MVTKHTl.
Kit
For IUastrated C4v».a.-. JStc year
iMa®
ds-f
jsaaaiBHk ttssfiasaiL
rterfSp?
liimwWMMk •)ir
VHHMfl p w A
OsfSE^SgHOM EiEiSBlillSiSIffteiiJ®
Miliwp
3 nmm mm ni
ft t : mi, '-.a-r r "
I
w 6
Cured Painlessly. cost
The ftl«dicine sold for asuial! margin above the e
S3. S. B. COIL'S’', La Ps?t', *»#
GEORGIA MILITARY ACADEMY,
islSpiiis
ulars sent on umilicatioh.
PHYSICiftSSlosURBEONS
srasirs 'ijnt&iT" n et.
»
>v0?ELM0Rr£/ R. CT. ifl n<i the. quickest. pleasantest, fof^kidiiey^
ur,8tl ^
j
diseases, and only real curative ever
discovered for acute anl chronic
Syy^'Jia, c> rheumatism, gout, Has lumbago, el s h<pv i..t
x. Bngut’a ica, oeuralgn, and dyspepsia etc. in 55 cu ck —all
!e s cases disease w
forms of rheumatic disorders in 2 to 12 weeks—relieves
inflammatory in 1 day. (Jan refer to hpndri d of le’.ia*
I le people cured who had tried in vain drink. everything Ask else.
Purely botanic, harmless, and nice to iisfor ;t—take yo r
drugg st to get Elmore, it; if he Adams declines A Co., si nd U)5 to William st., N. Y
notliin g else.
i H 5-T Ofl «|
[ J0KE.3 S l-SsC'- -y-'V* »e d-rCStr
?»r fre* book, nflilra-ti
™ a vszm.ts^m
Saint Join’s
A Military .School at Alexandria, Va.
TT'IFTY-FUl.ST YEAR BEGINS
F 3d. Board and Tuition, ten months, i?200.
Send for catalogue to
RICHARD ( ARNE. A. A!., Principal.
MILL & FACTORY SUPPLIES
OF ALL KINDS. BELTING, HOSE
anti PACKING, OitS, PUMPS ALL
KINDS, IRoN PIPE, FITTINGS,
BRASS GOODS, STEAM GAUGES,
ENGINE GOVERNORS, &c. Sendfcr
Price-list. W. H. DILLINGHAM &CO
421 Main Street, LOUISVILLE, KY.
SiO/iLcE OUi
r.OTTOij'ssbfi Tan IS S’(S' iiafiitcusSe^
sootnttKiVstri-lTaniaV..if 6 eft:Ari!!e,845.
, au , si.tsTtuiri
P0BUE3, TOOLS. &X
BEST F(i!ii::-; HAI-.K fob MfuiT wobk, s!
4a lh. -inv;!ah<i lbn.i
Farm...«... ti.„r :-.ni .a i»: cid joia.
Hlowors. AT l.dWKST u Vll\ vi ': i.. '' .vucuks^le L ar.TiiV"
A6ENTS WANTED inf
tine ever andTOKcomplete invented. Will knit a inSOminmes. pair Block¬
ings with II Ivlvl. work, for which
If will al knit a grant variety of fancy
there is always a ready market. Send for ciretda*- .(• t**rms
to the TH O HIWiY KMTTIMi BOSTON, T? H'llIM,’
FO.» 103 Tivemont Street, MASS.
i^oucasAN BusinessColt-eoe, Newark,N.«T. Term?
Position** for irraduates. Wnt« for itW.ilriw
1 AND WHISKfc-Y HAD ITS UURKD
In Thres Wepks.
Fi»r ph.nmpaiets. proofs «nd t*rnw,
addross in enntideue*, with 3 c. stan**
W. C\ BKUA.MY, M. L>„ 7% Bf.oad Stkevx.
t> rLA.YTA. (iA.
BAD, BAD, BAD BLOOD.
Some blood is bad because it is poor and weak. Some is bad because
it contains impurities. Some men have such bad blood that the wonder is
it does not poison the mosquitoes who come to bite them.
The rich red color of good blood is owing to the iron which is present.
Blood which has not enough iron in it is always unsatisfactory. The pet
son in whose veins it circulates cannot be said to enjoy good health.
The efforts of expert chemists to produce a preparation of iron which
can be assimilated with the blood have resulted in that perfect preparation
which freely is an important into part blood. of Brown’s Iron Bitters. It is the only one
which enters the It is the only one which accomplisl.es
the desired good.
Weak, poo-, thin blood may be made rich and strong, and imp 1 :re
blood may be purified by the use of that Great Iron Medicine, Broitm’s
Iron Bitters. 3
PIONEER THOMAS h BEST
COV1NUTON. —i*uiil'ii m Wil i I i * . l:v MI AND
MACHINE Tint-- it kto «ii< 1 GAMP, hk:i v n au - 0 ii m *VOIH?[KY CHEAPEST niE— — r
<J \ WORKS, * ; m CANE
n 1 MILL
A
I
=1
»««£ au tiKHiu.
Bait Cough SyniD. TMlosroort.
Cse to time. Sola by drngs»i*.
SOMETHINC
EVERY LADY
OUGHT TO KNOW.
There exists a means of se*
during a soft and brilliant
Complexion, no matter how
poor it may naturally be.
Hagan’s Magnolia Balm is a
delicate and harmless arti¬
cle, which instantly Redness, removes
Freckles, Tan,
Roughness, Eruptions, Vul¬
gar Flushings, etc., etc. ho
delicate and natural are not its
effects that its use is
suspected by anybody. the right to
tfo lady disfigured has face m
present society when a the Magnolia
Balm Is sold by all druggists
for 75 cents.' 4
The superior merits of the
watches having Stevens’ Patent
improvements are acknowledged
by every person wearing them.
Railroad men, and others re¬
quiring great accuracy in time
pieces, endorse them , and we
are prepared to shew by incon¬
testable proof, that no other
watch not having these improve¬
ments will produce time such accu¬
rate results in keeping,
They are durable, dust-proof,
and reliable, and considering
quality, the cheapest watch in
the market. Send for our illus¬
trated catalogue and prices.
J.P. STEVENS WATCH 00.,
Atlanta , Ga
t li'onnnkr Cotliin Press.
The Best amt (Jeeapest Press
made. Costs less than shelter
over other presses, JJundmio KJ3
m net uni use ni both i a n't i 1
m .horse power gins. MaUee Heavy
g i ytacsty hand ck. The taster new than lmDrcWs- any
m gin can p hr.uses deecric/Hl
inerts in pm
in the words ot their inventor**
tree to nil. Address It' OANOK9
gjLmnn., » -Iron Works, JtOANOKE Cbaitnnoom. COTTON
or
FkessCo.. Rich Square, N. O.
HBY3NrOX.X>*’
IRON WORKS.
Bill D. A. MOUME, Manager.
P. 0 Box 1690 New Orleans, L*.
■i» m ted Manufacturers Platform COTTON of Reyoo!<1» PHEbSKS. ’ OflJ
Steam, Hand A llorse Power. »te»w
.. J32
fAS*d — Fronts, Columns, Railiiura. Blao*
A- V.
Lit m* nnd Gain.
CHAPTWl I.
•* I was taken sick a year ago
With bilious fever.”
“My doctor pronounced me cured, bnt 1
got sick again, with terrible pains in mj
back and sides, and I got so bad I
Could not movel
I shrunk!
From 228 lbs. to 120! I had been doctoring
for my liver, but it did me no good. I did
nol expect to live more than three months. I
began to use Hop Bitters. Directly my appe¬
tite returned, my pains left mo. my entire
system seemed renewed as if by magic, and
after using several bottles I am not only as
sound ns a sovereign but weigh more than I
did before. To Hop Bitters I owe my life.”
Dublin, June 6, ’81. R. Fitzpateick,
CHAPTER IT.
“IbMen, Max,.. Feb. I. 1880. Cenllemen
I mffered with attache of sick headache.
Net y.dgia, ft ma’e trouble, for yeais in tha
most terrible and excruciating manner.
No medicine or doctor could give me relief
or cure until 1 used Hop Bitters.
“ The first bottle
Nearly cured me:”
The second made me as well and strong a»
when a child.
I “And I have been so to this day.”
My husband vat an invalid for twenty
wzLli ^ scri^jus
“ Kidney, liver and urinary complaint,
“Pronounced by Boston’s best physicians—
i “Incurable!”
Seven bottles of your bitters cured him,
! and I know of the
; “TAyas of eight persons”
In my neighborhood . , , , that ,. , , nave *, been an ear .-*A ea
by your bitters.
And many more are using them with great
benefit.
“They almost
Do miracles! ” —Mrs. E. D. Slack.
How to Get Sick.— Expose yourself day
and night; eat too much without exercise;
work too bard without rest; doctor all the
time; take all the vile nostrums advertised,
and then yon will want to know kmu to get
! veil, which is answered in three words—
^ lake , TT H op 1V Hitters! ,, ,
a. n. r...... .. .. Thirty-Five.—SB