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EDITORIAL NOTES
It is probable that the pay-car system
Will soon be abolished upon most of the
principal railways of the country. A
few years ago the paymasters began to
take out checks for a great many of the
principal employes in order to avoid the
risk of carrying such large sums of
money, and the plan has worked so well
that now the check system will entirely
supercede the other.
The subscriptions to the Bartholdi
pedestal fund now amounts to $126,000,
about half of the entire amount required.
People do not seem to realize the grand
proportions of this statue and pedestal.
It is over three hundred feet high, fifty
feet higher than Trinity steeple. It is
seventy feet square at the point where
the masonry begins. As this mammoth
statue is a gift from France, and as the
United States government has appro¬
priated Bedloe’s irian 1 for its location, it
is a matter of surpri,e that the $250,000
required from the pe ipte for the pedestal
should be so long delayed.
The Statistician of the Department of
Agriculture has just issued his estimate
of the principal crops in the year 1883.
Wo publish these estimates below, an¬
nexing a column of the corresponding
crops in 1882:
1883. 1882.
Com, bushels 1,551,066,835 1,624,917,800
Wheat, buBhels 420,154,700 502,789,600
Oats, bushels 571,233,600 490,000,000
Cotton, bales 6,014,220 6,957,000
The production of wheat in Europe in
1883 is stated at 1,066,088,688 bushels,
against 1,270,167,150 bushels in 1882, the
average yield being estimated at 1,143,
826,044 bushels.
The Alaska seal business is a big tiring,
and the seals themselves afford material
for an interesting study. A m. 1 j seal
selects about twenty-five torn des for his
family circle, and spends most of his
time loafing on the sunny side of a rock
watching hi* harem. He is a jealous
fellow, allows no gadding, and if a female
attempts to go away, he catches her neck
between his teeth and beats her with his
flippers. If he Bees a young fellow
making up to one of his wives he pun¬
ishes him sometimes to the death. The
killing of seals lasts about two months
in the summer. The old male seals their
harems and the young seals are never
killed, and under this policy the seal pro¬
duct grows larger every year. The na¬
tives get 4) cents for each skin, and the
United States government gets $2 apiece
for them from the Alaska Commercial
Company, which also pays $50,000 an¬
nually for the privilege.
The bills already introduced in the
House during the present session would,
if passed, absorb all tbe surplus revenue
of the government for years to come
The bills-and the amounts they call for
may be summed up as follows: Public
buildings and grounds, $12,000,000; river
End harbor improvements, $6,000,000 ;
public education, $105,000,000 ; new bu¬
reaus, commissions, etc., $1,000,000;
soldier s home in Kansas, $200,000;
equalizing bounties, $100,000,000; pen¬
sions, $175,000,000; prize money, etc.,
$368,644; deserters, nurses, etc., $2,250,
000; half pay for revolutionary officers,
$25,000,000; depredations and spolia¬
tions, $10,000,000; private bills, $25,
000,000; State claims, $60,000,000; draw¬
backs, rebates, etc., $3,975,549; miscel¬
laneous items, $5,000,000; to al, $500,-
790,194.
A well posted writer in the Southern
Lumberman says that the yellow pine of
Georgia is worth as it stands fully $70i),
009,000. The turpentine business is rap
Idly wasting this valuable timber. Mil¬
lions of acres hav t been thug destroyed.
After the turpentine men abandon the
timber large quantities of it barn down,
blow down and die before it can be
reached by the sawmill men. It is ar
gned that the yellow pine forests of the
South will last at the present rate of
production 150 years, but the writer
above quoted thinks that the timber
available for sawmill purposes will he
cut short fully one-third by the devasta
tions of the turpentine men. The lum
ber business is really in its infancy. In
six or eight years it is safe t@ predict
that the yellow pine lumber product of
the South will be 5,000,000,' 00 feet a
year. '1 he present long depression will
be followed by higher prices. During
the war yellow pine sold at the North
for $6 > and $80 per thousand. In twenty.
five o thirty years the same figures may
be reached again.
The preparations for the coming
world’s fair in New Orleans are progress¬
ing satisfactorily. The exposition will
[consist of cotton in all its conditions chief of
pculture and manufai fur as a ex
Jbibit. hibited Tne will classification comprise such of objects groups ex¬ as
i agriculture, horticu ture, raw and manu¬
factured products, ores, minerals and
•‘woods, furniture and accessories, textile
[fabrics, i clothing and accessories, indus
t ial arts, afimentary products, education
[and instruction, works of art, piscicul¬ the
ture. The exposition will be under
control of a board 1 of tihrl teen commis
sioners appointed bftftePr esident of the
United States, and a directm-general ap¬
pointed by the board of management
The building will be in the city park,
and will cover the largest am -unt of
space ever devoted to such a purpose,
with the single exception, perhaps of
tbe World’s Fair, of London. The build
ing mil have three fronts, a main front
of 1,500 feet facing the city proper, one
side'of 900 feet facing the the Mississippi length
river, and the other of same
looking towards St Charles street. The
the building will face Carr Ikon
and will I* given up to boilers, railroad
tracks, etc. Architectually tbe building
Will greatly resemble the Louvre of Paris,
M- hhi > £ H o 2 c n 2 >
VOL. XII, NO. 7.
The floor space will be 1,398,300 square
feet, of which 1,048,752 feet will be
used for exhibition purposes. The dome,
entrances, hal s, offices, corridors, etc.,
will be on a magnificent scale, arranged
with an eye to both business and beauty.
Exhibitors will pay no rent for space ; a
reasonable entrance fee being all that
will be required. Assurances received
from all the State's, and from foreign
governments, justify the belief that the
exposition will be the largest and best
attended of any ever he d in this country.
In a gesciai article oh tlie different
k.iruisof cotton in the world, the Boston
Commercial Bulletin states the highest
priced article is the sea island cotton
grown principally on the coasts of Geor¬
gia and Florida. It combines great
length of staple with silkiness, beautiful
gloss, and general excellence. Some parts
of Australia And is'anils in the Pacific
ocean aro now competing seriously with
Georgia in the-production of long- tapled
cotton, though the entire crop of sea is¬
land cotton is comparatively, unimport¬
ant, amounting to .ess than 40.000 bales
tor the whole United States, against
nearly 7,0 )0,000 bales of our common
-hort staple cotton.
The average length of the various de¬
scriptions of cotton known to the world
are given by Mr. Evan Leigh, of Man¬
chester, England, as follows:
Inches in Length.
Sea Maud............ ...........1.60 to 2.20
Australian............ 180
Eijqiiin............. 1.50
Brazilian.............. .1.15 to 1 35
Su inam and Peru 1.30
St. Kitts, West Indies 130
Southern and Western Africa.....90 to 1.20
Borneo andJava... . 1.10 to 120
-urat, East Indies . 1.05 to 1.10
Other Indian........ .65 to 1.10
N.-w Orleans........ 110
American uplands .93 to 1.00
American cotton, of which tho two
classes of New Orleans and uplands are
referred to in the above table, is the
most useful and best known of all the
cottons, owing to the immense quantity
produced, amounting for the year endiug
September 1, 1883, to 6,992,234 bales.
Egyptian cotto i, says the Bulletin,
ranks next lo sea is aud in length and
fineness of staple as well as in silkiness,
but has not the bright color of the latter
variety. The sea island cotton has been
spun into cotton as fine as No. 300, while
the Egyptian is .not spun above 150.
Some small quantities of cotton sre
grown in Algiers, and are s milar as
Egyptian in quality.
T here a e many varieties of South
Atner can cotton, tho mod common be¬
ing the Brazilian and Su inam referred
to in the above table. But tho e cottons
axe harsh and irreg lar in quality, and
much coarser than sea island or Egypt¬
ian. The cotton of St. Kitts and other
West Indian islands is much finer than
the Braz. ian, and is useful for mixing
with sea island for fine spinning. The
quantity of cotton grown in the West
India islands, however, is small.
India ranks next to the United States
in the quantity of cotton produced, and
was one of the centers of the cottoq man¬
ufacture for ages before the culture of
the cotton plant in America had been
dreamed of.
The best cotton grown in southern Af¬
rica is the Port Natal, averaging about
1.20 inches in length. On the west coast
are produced the Lagos and Loando va¬
rieties, ranging from nine-tenths of an
inch in length. The Sarawak cotton of
Boftieo is abo it an inch and one-fifth in
length and Java cotton is a trifle short
er. The cotton which is grown in China
is of exc edingly short staple. Some
■small quantities and irregular grades of
cotton are grown in the Ottoman empire
and in Italy.
GENERAL NEWS.
The Modocs now number twenty-six
families of 106 persons. The govern
men furnishes implements, supplies and
an instructor in agrieul'ure and they are
fast becoming farmers.
A petroleum well lately sunk in the
Baku district of Russia promises to sur¬
pass the most famous “gushers” of this
country. It is said to be yielding from
7,000 to 8,000 barrels a day.
Professor Huxley says that in his
voyage around the world he found u<
people so miserable, wretched and ’
graded as those who exist in the ;
quarter’s of Loudon.
Mrs. Merkleham, Jefferson’s fa
and only surviving daughter, who
at Georgetown in utter destitution,
70 years old Thursday, and CJongressn.
Potter sent her $250 as a present ar
said that if Congress didn’t take care o'.
her for life he would.
The production of syrup in South
Geergia, owing to the killing of the cane
by frot t«, will be shoiter than for several
years. htubble was the only hope for
seed and this has been killed by the late
7 frosts, ’ which will extend the shortness
tnto next years crop, ...... to the lack
owing
of seed.
cf February. 1836, terty-eight years ago,
HAMILTON, GEORGIA, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 1881.
when the thermometer froze down to
zero, a point which it has never since
touched. The driver of a stage from
Selma to Montgomery was frozen on the
box of-his coech.
No passenger riding in a passenger
train was killed last year in Massachu¬
setts except from his own fault. As
there were Over 61,000,000 passengers
earned an average distance of 15 miles
each, this is a remarkable record. One
passenger was killed upon a freight
train, where he was riding contrary to
rule.
The balance of trade for the year 1883
is more than f100,0. 0,000 in our favor,
since tlT United States sent abroad pro¬
duce and merchandise worth $813,166.*
133, receiving from foreign porta ship¬
ments worth $720,762 327. New York
City receives about two-thirds of all the
imports and dispatches about 46 percent
of all the rest.
Mr. John ShiRleY, one of the largest
landowners in Australia, has just pur¬
chased from the Southern Pacific railroad
all the camels used by that company in
carrying goods and freight across the
deserts of Arizona. There are about 500
Animals now living. Mr. Shirley intends
shipping them to Australia, where ho
will use them for carrying purposes on
his cattle ranches
Advices from Mobile say the late cold
snap caused immense damage in that
section. The loss to orahge groves is es¬
timated at nearly $1,001,000, and the
Value of the vegetables k lied in Mobile
groves in Florida, but many orange
growers profited by the signal service
warning and built fires in their groves,
a d thus saved their trees.
The new postoffice at Atlanta, Geor¬
gia, cost $275,000. Offices in jthei cities
cost as follows, the cost of tlie site not
being included: Cairo,Illinois, $285,000 ;
Des Moines, Iowa, $230,000 ; Fall River,
Massachusetts, $362,000; Hartford,
Connecticut, $438,000, o* city of much
less population than Detroit; Indianapo¬
lis, $370,000; Knoxville, Tennessee,
$389,000; Madison, Wisconsin, $344,000 ;
Mobile, $534,000; Nashville, $405,000;
Raleigh, North Carolina, $344,000; St.
Paul, $445,000.
It is estimated that 20,000 rabbits
have been sold in Nashville during the
present winter. Between $4,000 and
$5,000 must have been realized from the
sale of these animals from the opeuing
of the season to the present time. A
number of hunters nrako a regular busi¬
ness of supplying Nashville with rabbit
.meat. They have dogs trained for the
purpose, and manage to capture a good
many rabbits in a day. Sometimes a
single shot will k II a rabbit, no matier
how small tho shot or where it strikes
the animal.
The late news from Egypt is “impor¬
tant Virtually there is no longer an
Egyptian Government although there
are nominally an E yptian Khedive and
Premier. The decisive step taken by
the English Ministry, Hastened ny tne
patent schemes of the French, settles
henceforth the British policy with refer¬
ence to this country By ordering the
abandonment cf Khartoum and the
Soud n, England now takes on herse'f
the defense . f lower Egypt, and, at the
same time, assumes its government. An¬
nexation is practically inevitable soonei
or later
A nappy Moment,
“One of the memorial moments of my
rife,” says Mrs. Alcott, “is that in which,
as I trudged to school on a wintry day,
my eyes fell upon a largo yellow poster
with these delicious words:
“‘Bertha,’ a new tale by the author
of ‘The Rival Prima Donnas,’ will ap¬
pear on Saturday.’
“I was late ; it was hitter cold; people
jostled me; I was mortally afraid I
should be recognized ; but there I stood,
feasting my eyes on the fascinating
poster, and saying proudly to myself, in
the words of the great Vincent
Crummies, ‘This, this, is fame !’ That
day my pupils had an indulgent teacher;
for, while they were struggling wit!
their pot-hooks, I was writing
works, and wb
multipbeatr noble
the
for in
Tha
grii
an
st<
jit IV.
suade her
by wav oi to
little chickens wtmt .
“Yes,” replied the wirii boy, “nut me old
hen always goes them.”
A li-itt.k girl has solved the botanicaj
« wby iWrs arei armed with
“ pi-iiK It is 1“ shoot, off their perfumt
j ^
for futmp delivery.
LIFE AMONG THE COWBOYS.
VERY fiXCITtNt; St feNES AT A tLlNt'K
IN AN IDAHO TOWN
OneMnn Shot i)rn i! ntul Four Won nil Viol— <-<l—
SOiillnc illlllrlo Tlirofeoli lie* Huns
Sinillititf Sli’iiiuief wlitt
Did Not Know tlie Objection oi Silu Hats.
The cowboys had a dance here the
other night, sayS an Idaho letter, and
the survivors have been around to-day
making a mental list ot the Casualties.
As cowboy dances go. the carnage was
not great, Only one man being killed
and four wounded. The dead man has
already been buried, and the wounded
arc all doing as well avW^ri hake hoevpected. pdAsed will
and around before ihfiny ddyS life and innocent
be as full of
sport as preparations ever, cowboy dance
The for a
are, as a rule, quite as interesting and
fully as dangerous to life and limb as the
dance Itself, aud for tli.it reason it may
bo well,to iiescribe Rorqe rtf the incidents
of the day preceding tuo opening soiree
of the season. The boys gathered early
in the day, and made several raids on
the dispensers of bugle paint. Things
went middle smoothly the enough until about travel¬ the
hi afternoon, when a
ing man arrived in town. Some of the
old heads expected trouble the minute
he appeared, for the boys were in a
hnmorouB mow!, and ready for any sort
of fun. The traveling man himself went to the
tavern and did not show when again
Until about 8 O’blOck, lit) was Spied
walking down the Btreet wearing a silk
lint. Cold chills ran up the backs of
the ancient citizens, and the tavern
keeper, with a View to save the man’s
life, started after him to give him
word, hut before he could overtake the
stranger eight or ten of the him boys dogged¬ had
seen him and were following
ly down the street in single have file. The
man with the silk hat may noticed
tho had procession, idea but its it significance. is probable that He
lie UO ot
stopped in a little store for a few min¬
utes, and while ho tarried there the
crowd on the outside increased. When
he emerged once more the boys fell into
line behind him again in single file anil
resumed their march; gathering recruits
at almost every step, until finally there
were twenty or thirty of the gang in the
procession. By this time the stranger
began the to understand that something was
matter either with him or with the
town, and he darted into a little jewelry
store, his watch. pretending Tho that he wanted to set
boys came to a halt on
tho sidewalk and faced the store. The
jeweler, whose stock consisted princi¬
pally of revolvers and other shooting
irons, looked inquisitively at his caller
-ad then good at the opportunity throng <7 front; Tbh*k
ing it a to say some¬
thing, the traveling man observed:
“You have a nice town hero, hut can
yon tell me why these men aro following
me around?”
“I can,” said the storekeeper laconi¬
cally; “they’re after that hat.”
“What hat?”
“That plug. They don’t allow ’em
Here, sir. Never been here before?”
“Never,” gasped the mau.
“Well, now, look here,” said the jew
eler. < The boys are a little full of fun
to-day, and they might make things un¬
comfortable for you. I’ll just escort
you up to the hotel and introduce you
to some of them as my friend. Then
you put that hut away and don’t wear it
any more.”
Thanking tho jeweler, the stranger
walked out arm-in-arm with him, tho
boys falling in behind and following
them to the hotel. On entering the
barroom the jeweler called one of tho
boys to one side and Bifid: “This is Mr.
B-, a friend of mine from the States.”
The “boy” seized him by tlie hand with
a grip that brought tears to his eyes,
anil said:
“I'll take turpentine.”
Others crowded up and were intro¬
duced, each one smiling a sickly sort of
smile, but looking uuforgivingly at the
hat. All agreed that they would have
to have something, and quietly urged
the stranger toward the bar, on which
the innkeeper had placed the bottle aud
glasses the minute the first speaker had
“nominated his medioine.” When once
they were arranged in front of the bar.
with glasses in hand, tho hat suddenly
slipped from the head of its wearer, as¬
sisted by a cowboy in the rear, and in
'.ess time than it takes to tell it. a ring
was formed around the offending article
and a score of revolvers were blazing
away at it. The terrified traveler
stopped to one side with his new found
friend, and was met wito ’■« oo-uto
ing remark:
“It’s a mighty go*'
you p
more
at ti
„eir
which
t Wiliams •
With finger on .
give you one min
1’he cowboy stoo>
moved, his gra_
enemy. There was
his belt, but a movero?
ward the weapon me;
“I am not afraid -
“You can't kill me without 1
self at the same time.”
“How's that?” asked Willmr
"Because there's a man beu_
who has got the drop oh yotf, and
when—”
Before the cowboy finished the sen¬
tence Williams had turned quickly on
his imaginary foe in the rear, and with
a movement like lightning the cowboy
had his revolver in hand and Waa firing
lead into Williams in a way that seemed
very Wasteful to say the least, for the
first shot pierced his brain and must
have killed him instantly. No idea of
the rabidity with which this was done
can be giVeu in any mote narration of
the fact. It was done and OVer with like
a flash, and as the boys ranged themselves
alongside the their bar once feet, there more, riaa the dead
man lying at a gen¬
eral inquiry if any more men were pres¬
ent who wanted to drink from the bottle.
Itoilieit (is Steamboat Captains.
Horace Gr eley used to say to Mar¬
garet Fuller, “Let women be sea cap¬
tains if they will,” but the United States
Government refuses to allow them to
command Bteafliboata on the Mississippi New
rivet, Mrs. MitrV Jffiller, to of Or¬
leans, applied lor a liddriSe life master
of a Bteamboat on that stream, and the
Government denied her application on
appeal from the adverse decision of the
local authority, on the ground that
women are not siltili persons, as are con¬
templated by the law regulating stlch of
licenses. Mrs. Miller is the wife
Captain George Miller, whoowns a light
draught steamboat, with which the
family trade up and down the Mississippi
river aud its tributaries.
The ciiptaitl is seventy years o’ age,
and decrepit, and his wife, wlio in Wore
than twenty years younger, and a pretty
daughter of about sixteen, constitute his
thoroughly rpal chief officers, the wife being
experienced glid'd in the business, chief
and the daughter a pilot fflud
mate. They may, under the decision, licensed
ho compelled to Mrs. employ Miller men will as probably
officers, hut
continue to he the practical authority of
the boat.
The decision, of course, doe* not im¬
ply any rooted hosiility On the of woifleti part of
the Government to tho right steamboats. It
to assume command of
must decide questions in accordance with
existing laws. Tho fault, if fault exists,
is with the legislative and not with the
executive or judicial departments of the
Government. The tyrant man makes
the laws,and he has mode them so that, the
monoply of the business of commanding
steamboats is seonred to his own sex.
It may be that when the present laws
regulating tho subject were framed, it
did not occur to him that women would
demand such occupations, or if it did, lie
may have decided that no woman was
equal to the performance of some of the
duties of a Mississippi steamboat cup
tain, and so intentionally have excluded
her. Tile functions of standing on the
upper d eck when the boat ties up or
leaves a dock, and addressing the fellows
handling tho cables below seems pecu¬
liarly fitted for the masculine nature. It
is doubtful whether any woman could
perform it, aud exclaim, “Haul in that
line there I” adding the necessary ex¬
pletive in a satisfactory maunor.
Talina and Napoleon.
I once heard an old dramatist relate an
anecdote, which may or may not have
found its wav into print. As long ago
as 1788 or 1789 he was walking in the
Rue St. Honore with his friend Talma,
then at the commencement of his career,
when a young officer in u shabby lieu¬
tenant’s uniform met them, and said to
tlie actor, “Remember to-morrow.”
Talma nodded assent, and the other
passed on. “Who is that?” inquired
my informant, “The torment of my
life," was the reply. “A young fellow
without a sou, tickets who of is admission perpetually to
plaguing me for
tho theatre. Not a bad judge, I must
say,” he continued. "Knows all our
classics by heart, and won’t listen to
anything hut Corneille and Racine.”
Seine 20 years later the two Palace du
chanced to meet again in the
Carrousel, at the very moment whe*
Napoleon was starting for his daily rid<
On seeing Talma he atopped his to
aud sp ke a few words to him.
he had left them, the tragedian,
to his companion, asked if he ri
the yonng lieutenant who used
to bother him for tickets. (
ler’s confessing that he ha
gotten the circi- -stcr-c
served Talma, “
remember him
Em’-"'!"' "iow
$1.00 A YEAR.
THE SECRETARY OF WAIL
A Util© Story of General Tlmmns and Ills
KflortN to Hold tl>© i*osiiien by Order of
the President*
In bis war anecdotes, General Town
send relates the story of General Thom¬
as's appointment by President Johnson
as Secretary of War ad interim.
General Townsend’s connection with
the Adjutant-General’s office continued
long after the suppression of the rebel¬
lion, Vint bis reminiscences relating to
tho subsequent period are naturally less
interesting than those associated with
the civil war. One of them, however, is
worth quoting. We refer to the account
of the interview between General L.
Tlioma? and Mr. Stanton.
On February 22d, 1868, when the for¬
mer undertook to obtain possession had ot
the War Department, to Which he
been appointed ad interim by President
Jolvnsoii, the author was an ear witness
of tho colloquy (lint ensued.
“lam,” said General Thomas, "Secre¬
tary of War ad interim , and ant ordered
by the President of tho United States to
take charge of this office.”
“I order you,” rejoined Mr. Stanton,
“to repair to your room and exercise
vonr office as repeated Adjutant-General.” General Thomas,
“I am,” and
“Secretary of War ad interim, 1
shall not obey your orders; but I shall
obey the order of the President to take
charge of this offloo.” of War,” said Mr. Stan¬
“As Secretary “I order repair
ton a second time, Adjutant-General.” you to
to your office as General
“I shall not do so,” returned
Thomas.
“Then,” pursued Mr. Stanton, “you
may stand there if you please, but you
attempt to act as Secretary of War at
your peril." General Thomas replied, “I
To which
shall act, as Secretary ended. of War," and there
the official interview
Presently, however, General Thomas
crossed tho hull to General Schriver'a
room, and Mr. Stanton, followed only
by the stenographer, came in after him.
Resuming the colloquy, Mr. Stanton
said in a laughing toue to General
Thomas; here Sooretary
“So ytifl claim to be ns
of War, and rel«»L to obey my orders,
do you ?”
General Thomas replied seriously;
“I do so claim. I shall require the
muiis of tho War Department to ho de¬
livered to file, anil shall traiisuct all the
business of tho department.” General looked if
Seeing that the as
he had had no rest the night before, Mr.
Stanton, playfully running his fingers he
up through the General's hair as
wearily leaned back in his chair, said:
“Wtill, old fellow, have you hud any
breakfast this morning?" go«l*atnrodly. «
“No.” sold Tlmmas, badly I
“Then you are none." as On as am
for I have had for
Mr. Stanton then sent oitt some
refreshments, and while the two were
sharing the refection they engaged in
very pleasant conversation, in the course
of which, however, Mr. Stanton, sud¬
denly and with seeming carelessness, in¬
quired when General Thomas bisection was going
to give him the report of an
of the national cemeteries which lie bad
lately made. Mr. Stanton said if it w is
not soon rendered it would be too late
for the printers, and ho was anxious to
have it go forth os a creditable work of
tho department. The question had ap¬
parently no especial point, and General
Thomas evidently saw none, for he an¬
swered, pleasantly, that he would work
at tho report that night and give it to
the Secretary. “This struck me,” said
General Townsend, “as a lawyer’s ruse
to make Thomas acknowledge fcjtanton h
authority us Secretary of War, and that
TboiBflH watt cutitfbfc by it. I Home time
after asked Mr. Stanton if that was bis
design. He made no reply, but looked
at me with a mock expression of sur¬
prise at in.y conceiving such a thing.”
We are further told that, before General
Thomas left the department that uioru
ng, Mr. Stanton handed 1 tett
forbidding him to give The •
Secretary of War.
-”1 endorsed it
the *■*
THE JOKER’S BUDGET.
WHAT WE FIND TO SMILE OVER IM
TUE HUMOROUS FATEHS.
THE GOING MAN.
On a certain Monday morning, a
Banker in Lis ohair, hi*
Gazed vacantly upon liic safe;
Cashier wasn’t there.
And thus in peevish, fretful mood, with
Much uneasy air,
The banker heard a foot-fall a
Coming up the stair.
Tlie door was opened and he saw the
Cadiier’s wife in tears— ? Pray,
“O, tell me where’s my husband
Ease my anxious fears.”
He tnok-tlie situation in, with sym¬
pathetic looks. Said
Said she, “Pl ay, search the river.”
He, “Pray, search tlie books !"
—Paul Pry in Lift.
1W A NEW YORK BOUDOIR.
“Have ycz been to the big loan ex.
iubition, I dunno ?”
“Indade I have, and wus n’t it foin,
though.”
"And phat did yez go fur ? It is fur
nothing but a pedestal for a big image
to go on Bedloe’s Island. ”
“Sure, now, yez must be mistaken.”
“Indade I’m not. The doorke^er
towld me so himself. ”
“Blast the spulpane of a ticket seller,
thin. I axed him phat the show was
fur, and he towld me it was fur the dyn¬
amite fund, or I would not a-gone in at
all, at all. ”— Philadelphia Call.
CUTTING A WATERMELON.
“Father, I see by the papers that Mr.
Gould talk’s of cutting a watermelon.”
‘‘■yes, my son.”
“Js it a (>ig melon?”
“Bather large.”
“And very ripe ?”
“Well, pretty ripe.” Isn’t it?'
“And it is good of him,
“Very good—just like Mr. Gould.”
“When he cuts it will he give all the
boys a slice ?”
“Not exactly, simply out my the son—not melon for in Joseph! two, ’
Ho will
“And then?" .... .
“And walk off with a half under each
arm to devour the meat by himself, and
plant the seeds to fool the boys another
time 1"— Wall Street News.
IN SCHOOL.
Teacher—“Define eternity.' forgotten
Pupil—“Flense, ma’m, I’ve
what the word means.”
Teacher—“Eternity means ‘endless
time.’ Do you understand that?”
Pupil— “Please, ma’m, I don’t."
Teacher—“I am not surprised; it is a
poor definition, anyhow. If you were
never to die you would live on through
eternity. If workmen should begin to
build something and put on one stone
a year and never, never get doue, that
structure would be an eternity in build¬
ing and would never bo finished, Now
sen if you can give me a definition of
your own. What is eternity ?”
Pupil'—“The Bartholdi pedestal.”
SQUELCHED.
In the Lime-Kiln Club, Nelson Slabs
aroso and offered the following resolu
“ Resolved Pat do lies’ wishes of dis
, hereby extended to
Lime-Kiln Chib am Egypt”
do False Prophet of
Cranberry J > son H!q>""ri.' the
resolution, while Juniper fifth ouulh
seen to move back into the row,
if he expected the splinters minw to fly.
i t •Brinlifer Hlatm, .liii
tion ?" inquired the President in a voice
full of knot-holes. do .
n[_I reckon it was a man on ma -
ket, sail.” ’bout de raise
“What do you know
Prophet?" “N—nuffln’, sail. Hain’t de resolu
tion all right?" Slabs, sot down wid all .
“Nelson you fined $600 fnr
your might I You am
nmkiu’ a fool o’ yourself, an’ you may
feel thankful dat you has escaped hav¬
in’ ycr head spud-papered 1 As fnr you,
Brudder Johnson, you am fined $160 fur
play in’ secoud fiddle. ”—Detroit lrre&
Dress.
BATHER FORGETFUL.
“My dear,” said a wife to her hus¬
band, who had reached home very late
one Saturday night, and in a state of in¬
toxication, “did you the meat tor
to-morrow’s dinue
“No,” lie said,
“Did you toll
couple of maekere
“I forgot '' ' *
“Well, 11