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uY THE JACKSON COUNTY } PUBLISHING COMPANY. \ VOLUME I. ffc ffirori rnsLIfTIKB EVERY SATURDAY, |hr jiickxon ©o ii 11 1 y l*nl>iiliin;> Coiiipiiiiy. jEA'FFAISOX, JACKS OX COGA. * x. W. COB. PI'BLIC SQUARE, UP-STAIRS. MALCOM STAFFORD, managing and business editor. terms OF SUBSCRIPTION. „ ne copy 12 months $2.00 .. 3 “ 50 kg* For every Club of Tex subscribers, an ex tra copy of the paper will be given. rateTofadvertising" Oxk Dollar per square (of ten lines or less) . r the first insertion, anil Seventy-five Cents for each, Sequent insertion. .tll Advertisements sent without specifica uju.of tl u * number of insertions marked thereon, “ill } )C published TILL FORBID, and charged accoiingly. Professional Cards, of six lines r \M£ Skvkn DOLLARS per annum; and where 'hfvMlnot exceed ten lines, Ten Dollars. F ('onlract Advertising. wing will he the regular rates for con tract advertising, and will be strictly adhered to in all cases ~ ■-■■•- -- ■- ■ - - Sil Iw. Im. R iu. <> m. 12 in. 'IV,,' .... 200 550 11 00 17 00 22 00 Three ... 300 675 10 00 21 00 30 00 Four j 400 950 18 75 25 00 3G (X) Five .. 500 10 25 21 50 29 00 42 00 gj x 600 12 00 24 25 33 00 48 00 Twelve 11 00 21 75 40 00 55 00 81 00 FHiteen..., 15 00 30 50 54 50 75 50 109 00 TwentytwrS 17 00 31 00 GO 00 90 00 125 Oft * ‘ " ' * “ Tquare is one inch, or about 100 words of thetvpc Used in our advertising columns. Marriag*find obituary notices not exceeding ten lines, will W published free; but for all over ten lines, regular advertising rates will be charged. Transient advertisements and announcing can didates for oilin' will be CASH. Address all communications for publication and &!! letters On business to MAIJCOM STAFFORD, Managing and Business Editor. jUjiSiHiiiuil' Sc Jiusiuess (Tunis. DR. C. R. GILES nFFKIIS his professional services to the citizens of.Jefferson and vicinity. Can be found at ii?late residence ofDf\ 11. J. Long. Jan. 22. 187G —tf STILL ON HAND! N. B. STARK, IVIDT ami Shoe maker, at the old and well- I) known corner, Northwest of the Court House, 'aider the Forest News office, is still ready to make to order or repair Boots and Shoes of all sirs, shapes and qualities. CHE A P FOR CASH. •January 29th. 1875. ST AXL EY & PINSON,” JEFFERS OX, GA., DF.AId.US in Dry Hoods and Family Groce ries. New supplies constantly received. 1 heap for Cash. Call and examine their stock. Medical Notice. I*l. O. Gl( vr having located in Jcffer -1 si'ii for the purpose of practicing Medicine, -I'l'i'tfully tenders his services to the citizens of >wu and county in all the different branches profession. After a flattering experience Z 1 nineteen years, he feels jnstitied in saying that , :I ' is prepared to successfully treat any curable ■ v easo incident to our climate. He is, for the ' nt. hoarding with Judge John Simpkins, but nmve his family here soon. "■With Col. J. A. B. Mahaffcy. can he seen in the office of T. 11. • Esq., C. S. C. octlt) MRS. t7a. ADAMS; street . one door above National Bank, ATHENS ' C3-A., \ 1 s constantly on hand an extensive stock lv ■; SEASONABLE MILLINERY GOODS, in 'ing. in part, the latest styles and fashions bailie** Itouucfs. Itibboiis, " , s . 1 lowers Gloves, Ae., which will be c reasonable prices. Orders from the coun- pPomptly tilled. Give her a call. dlß3m p w.\ iiafeey. vv. s. m'carty. JUHAFFEY & McCARTY, 1 A T TO R KEYS AT LAW, •1 KFFEHSON, JACKSON Go. Ga.. C n dee anywhere for money. Prompt at-’ ~"en to all business entrusted to their atiunage solicited. Oct JO ly . ' ■ ’ Howard. itoß'r s. Howard. 1 (! " 'RS* A IIOH AKIK ATTORNEYS AT LAW, tv- . Jefferson, Ga. , ti e together in all the Courts of Jack 't a nacent counties, except the Court of °t -Jackson county. Sept Ist '7-"> Ij, WWW, -U|,. w rn . l .MAKER AND JEWELER, • ' in. King's Drug Store, Deupree Block, 1 All work done in a superior manner, i jv... , .' a i to give satisfaction. Terms, posi- J ulylo-6m. I), * • "dl l’OUI), Vt toriicy at Lnv, V . BELTON, GA., / piactiee in all the adjoining Counties, and 4 ~; u. and' 1 attention to all business entrusted to j,,p*,Gollecting claims a specialty. '•’di. 1573. ]y iS* ° lKE *s x u.;';, NKss maker, jkfferson, ga. Wliinii 1 " and wagon harness always repairing same, bridles, saddles, Ac., no^ct h and cheap for cash. ! Oj)yi, ' ; . I-,-’ J. B. SIIiMAN, Ui,. '''"ton, Ga. Jefferson, Ga. T 1 A SIIAIIA, ,h]M attorneys-at-law. . aUiee together in the Superior Courts of jiivf) JAekson and Walton. v,. 1 ; 'L ' % 'Aitoruey sil l,aw, "•‘-a-si,; n M ' :Hsox * JACKSON CO.. GA. ‘ r ' 'ant ! *' le ° urts i State and Federal. “f 1,.* j i Worongh attention given to all ‘the- business in Jackson and adjoining * June 12, 1875’ THE FOREST NEWS. The People their own Rulers; Advancement in Education, Science, Agriculture and Southern Manufactures. SELECT MISCELLANY. The Stream that Hurries By. AN UNPUBLISHED POEM BY THE AUTHOR OF “THE COLLEGIANS,” 1. 1 lie stream that hurries by yon fixed shore Returns no more; T he wind that dries at morn yon dewy lawn Breathes, and is*gone ; i hose withered fiow'rs to summer's ripening glow No more shall blow ; I hose fallen leaves that strew yon garden bed For aye are dead. 2. Of laugh, of jest, of mirth, of pleasure past, Nothing shall last; On shore, on sea. on hill, on vale, on plain, Naught shall remain ; Of all for which poor mortals vainly mourn, Naught shall return ; Rife hath his hour in heav’n and earth beneath, And so hath Death. 3. Not all the chains that clank in eastern clime Can fetter Time ; For all the phials in the doctor’s store Youth comes no more ; No drug on age’s wrinkled check renews Life’s early hues; Not all the tears by pious mourners shed Can wake the dead. 4. For all Spring gives, and Winter fakes again, We grieve in vain ; Vainly for sunshine fled and joys gone b}', We heave the sigh ; On, ever on, with unexhausted breath, Time hastes to Death; Even with each word we speak, a moment flies, Is born, and dies. •>. If thus, through lesser Nature's empire wide Nothing abide, — If wind, and wave, and leaf, and sun and flow’r, Have each their hour, — lie walks on ice whosy dallying spirit clings To earthly things ; And he alone is wise whose well-taught love Is fixed above. Truths firm as bright, but oft to mortal ear Chilling and drear, Harsh as the raven’s croak the sounds that tell Of pleasure’s knell: Pray, reader, that at least the minstrel's strain Not all be vain ; [knee. And when thou bend’st to God the suppliant Remember me ! Pallas r, Oct. 1836. Gerald Griffin. The Road to a Father’s Heart--How a Young Man Got a Wife. Jacob Bliven is a young man who lived in Alleghany; lie was desperately in love with Amelia S , and Amelia was said to fully reciprocate the youth’s attachment. Jacob thought it was time to broach the subject to Amelia's father, who was unaware that I Riv en's uncle had died two weeks before, leaving Jake a handsome legacy. The young man, with Amelia on his arm came into the awful presence of the father. * Good evening. Mr. S. said Blivens, hesitatingly, while Amelia grew scarlet. ‘Eh !' exclaimed the old gentleman, look ing np, and his prophetic soul telling him what was coining. 4 What's this?’ ‘Why, Amemlia and me— ’ * Amelia !' interrupted the old gentleman. ‘ By dad ! how the young dogs do get famil iar on short acquaintance ; it was Miss Ame lia a week ago.’ ‘ Yes, sir! but things have changed since last week,' said Blivens, boldly, ‘an’ we’ve come to ask your consent —’ ‘Diabolical wretch 1 ’ Amelia here commenced her part by stop ping the old man’s mouth with a kiss. ‘ Y'our consent,’ continued Blivens, taking Amelia by the hand and kneeling at the ‘stern parent's feet, 'to be joined in the bonds of ’ ‘ Pernicious caitiff! Out of my house,’ cried Mr. S. , wildly. ‘D’ye think my daughter shall marry a beggar?, ‘ Oh, just hold a minute ; you git mad so easy that nobody can tell you nothin,’ said poor Blivens. ‘My uncle died ’ ‘ And what the deuce did he die for?* said Mr. 8 . * I didn't ask him, sir ; but bein’ as he is dead, and Amelia loves me, and ’ ‘ Mendacious parvenu ! Do you love this villain, Amelia?’ ‘ Y r es papa,’ replied the fair Amelia, blush ingly*' ‘ i'll disown you for it,’ said Mr. 8 . ‘I expected greater things of you." • Well, as I was saving,’ Blivens went on. ‘she loves me an’ I love her, an we both love each other, an’ we want your consent.’ This was very bold in Blivens, and the old man didn't answer. Amelia looked hopeful ly at her Jake, and Jake looked anxiously at Amelia's papa. 4 And if you did marry her, what have you got in the way of furniture?’ at length said Mr. Smith ; ‘a paper collar and a boiled shirt, I suppose?’ 4 No, sir ; I’ve got a box and live shirts,’ replied Jacob, after a moment’s hesitation, •besides ten thousand dollars that my uncle left me. and —’ ‘What! my dear Jacob! Why, my dear boy, bless your heart, why the deuce didn’t you so before?’ cried the old man, shaking Blivens by the hand. ‘ Here, Amelia*; take her, young man, and may heaven bless you both.’ It is reported that Mr. Smith has asked his son-in-law for a loan ot nine thousand dollars, and that Jake has refused and taken his wife to New York, where he intends to be free from father-in-lawism. —Pittsburg Leader. The second annual convention of the Georgia Young Men’s Christian association will be held in Atlanta, beginning on the twenty-first day of April. Distinguished ministers from other states are expected, and we have reason to believe that the attendance will be unusually large. The crib of Mr. J. C. Reid, near Eatonton, was burned Thursday night last, with 400 bushels of corn and seven or eight stacks of fodder. A negro named Jerry Davis, charged with assault with intent to murder, escaped from Covington jail the other morning. JEFFERSON, JACKSON COUNTY, GA., SATURDAY. MARCH 11,1876. Young Man, Whose House are You Shinq ling? [Bcene, Whiskey-Shop. — Time, Midnight.'] shop-keeper and wife. M ife—“ I wish that man would go home if lie has one to go to.” Shop-keeper—“ Hush! lmsh! he'll call for something to drink directly.” "\\ ife—“ I wish he would make haste about it, then, for it’s time every honest man was in bed.” Shop-keeper—“ He's taking the shingles off his own house and putting them on ours.” At this time James began to come to his right senses, and commenced rubbing his eyes, and stretching himself as if he had just awoke, said : “ I believe I will go.” “ Don’t be in a lnury, James,” said the whiskey-seller. “ Oh ! yes, T must go,” said James, and he started. After an absence of some time the whiskey seller accosted him with: “ Halloo, Jim, why ain’t you been down to see us ?” “Why, I had taken so many shingles off my house it began to leak, so I thought it time to stop the leak, and I have done it,” said James. The whiskey-seller and his wife were aston ished. James is now a happy man, and his wife and children are happy, too. Now, young man, whose house are you shingling ? O O Measuring by the Eye. Y'ears ago, says a correspondent of the Boston Transei'ipt, when we went to school in a little weather-beaten school-house, what exciting contests there used to be over the teacher’s favorite exercise of having the scholars estimate with the eye the size and weight of different objects in the room ! lie would hold up his cane, and have each one tell how long he thought it was, and it was a lucky child that could come within half a foot of the right length. lie would measure an urchin and then have the scholars try to approach the measure on the wall. He would mark off an inch or a foot or a yard in some conspicuous place, and then see how near anybody could come te chalking the same length upon the black board. And it was astonishing how wide astray one would go.— The fact is, our eyes deceive us ridiculously even upon the commonest things. At first thought, which should you say was the taller, a three-3 T ear-old child or a flour barrel ? and could anything but actual measurement con vince you that the same child is half as tall as a sixfooter ? There is an old saying that s child two years old is half as tall as lie ev er will be ; and after a few experiments in measuring one can easily believe it, but not before. The Cabinet Situation. A special dispatch to the New York Post says : “ There is no change in regard to the Cabinet situation, but developments may be looked for within forty-eight hours. It is the opinion of persons who are in a position to know the exact situation that a crisis is im minent in regard to the Secretaryship of the Treasury. Up to the present time there are no indications that the President has even intimated to Mr. Bristow that lie would like to have his resignation, but the latter's friends are prepared to hear that the Presi dent has done so at anytime. Solicitor Blu ford Wilson is still at his desk, and says he is entirely indifferent as to whether he is re quested to resign or not, and that he has nothing to fear, but shall continue to follow in the line of duty pursued in the past. In fact, the impression left on the minds of those who have conversed with Air. Wilson is that he rather invites removal, and is preparing himself for such an event.” Decisions in the Court of Claims. Washington, Feb. 28. —1n the Court of Claims it was contended that the reference of the Chorpening claim by Congress to the Postmaster-General and his decision that be tween four and five hundred thousand dollars were due claimant, constituted an award. The Court of Claims denies this, and an appeal will be taken to the Supreme Court. Raymond vs. Thomas : from Carolina. In this case it is held that the war of the rebel lion terminated in South Carolina the 2d of April, 1867, and that military officers remain ing in command there between that date and the return of the State to the Union had no authority under the acts of March and July, 1867. to annul a decree of a Court of Equity of the State, lienee such an order made by Gen. Canby was an arbitary stretch of au thority and was popularly disregarded b} r the Court below. Affirmed. No other South ern cases decided. intelligent black boy was trudging along a highway at night in the vicinity of Palestine, Texas. 'There was a negro woman riding a horse in the same direction the bo}* was going. The two, or rather three —two negroes and the horse —were in company. The intelligent black boy reappeared in Pal estine that night out of breath and as pale as he could get. He said he saw a ball of fire come out of the skv, and strike the wo man and set her ablaze. The horse ran one way with the woman afire on his back, and he ran back to town to tell the people what had happened. The people went to look after further particulars of this curious incident. They found the woman lying on the ground with all her clothing burned off, but with life enough in her to tell that she had been struck in the breast by a ball of fire. The horse was found with his mane singed, and the woman died next day. The people think she was hit by a meteor. How for Europe is form the millenium may be judged from the announcement made by a competent authority that 7,000,000 men are, or soon will be. under arms on the con tinent. Russia is to have 2,000,000, France and Germany 1,500,000 each, and Austria and Italy 1.000,000 each. The English are reorganizing their army, and the feasibility of conscription or compulsory military service is being seriously discussed by the leading En n,,; "h iouruals. A Man Killed by a Mouse. An extraordinary occurrence was brought to light at an inquest held on the body of a man in South London. In a work-room where many young girls were at work a small mouse suddenly made its appearance on a table, causing, of course, considerable commotion and a general stampede. The intruder was seized, however, by a young man who hap pened to be present, but the mouse slipped out of his hand, and, running up his sleeve, came out between his waist-coat and shirt at the neck. The unfortunate man had his mouth opened, and the mouse, on the lookout for some convenient place of concealment, enter ed the man’s mouth, and he, in his fright and surprise, swallowed it. That a mouse can exist for a considerable time without much air has long been a popular belief, and was unfortunately proved to be a fact in the pres ent instance, tor the mouse began to tear and bite inside the man’s throat and chest, and the result was that the unfortunate* fellow died after a little time in horrible agony. Sev eral witnesses corroborated the above facts, and medical testimony as to the cause of death having been given, a verdict of “acci dental death” was returned. Moderate Drinking. An eminent divine (Rev. Wm. Goodell) thus declares in reference tothe various shades of drinking: “ Which is most destructive of health and life, drunkenness or moderate drinking ? But what are the facts ? A man ma\ r get as drunk as some do once a month, vomit out the poison, sleep off the effects and be sober all the rest of the month, drinking nothing till the fit comes on again. Such a man may do more business, do it better, preserve bet ter health and live longer than the ‘moderate’ drinker, who never gets drunk, never vomits out the poison—keeps it within him, adding a little to it daily till it undermines his* con stitution, so that he readily falls a prey to all manner of diseases without vitality enough to recover from them. He dies a ‘moderate’ drinker, never suspected of intemperance, much less ranked among the drunkards, yet losing his life in consequence of his ‘mod erate’ drinking. Scientific and experienced physicians entertain tiicse views, and are of opinion that more than half of those who die in consequence of drinking alcoholic liquors, die before they become confirmed and down right drunkards.” The Dying Legislature. We looked in on the Legislature on Wednesday. It was the last. What con fusion ! The one desire seemed to be to get off. Some left on the noon train, some at ten that night. All got away next day. \\ ell, we are glad it is over. Some good was done, but not a great deal. But little harm, we hope. Our old friend, Col. Peterson Thweatt, tried hard to get the Legislature to allow him to sue the State for his claim. But it was voted down by a large majority. They refused to let- him make a speech before the House, setting forth his claim. One member said the Colonel reminded him of the “unfor tunate” widow spoken of in the Bible. We presume he intended to say the importunate icidoic. Another fellow said Col. Thweatt’s proposition to be allowed to make a speech to the Legislature was next to the most unreasonable request he ever heard of. lie had heard of one more so. An old lady was carrying a dog through the street; he became very troublesome, and worried the old lady so that she was about to give up in despair. She hailed a stranger passing and said, “Mister, I wish you would let this dog bite you—it might make him easy."— Cor. Macon Tel. A Long Walk in His Sleep. —A Hartford man is a most remarkable somnambulist, if the story he tells is true, lie found himself, on Wednesday morning, at Hayden's Station, ten miles from his home, and said lie hadn't the slightest recollection of making the jour ney thither. The last moment when he was conscious was about 11 o’clock, when lie lighted a cigar and went to the front door.— He had evidently walked all the way on the railroad, and the wonder is that lie wasn't killed, for he met three trains of cars. He says his brother made a similar trip about a fortnight ago, and that he had sometimes walked about the house in his sleep. A Panegyric on Woman. TRcaJ directly, then read first and third and se cond and fourth lines of each verse, and lo ! the difference : The bliss of him no tongue can tell, Who in a woman doth confide ; Who with a woman scorns to dwell Unnumbered evils will -betide. They make the daily path of life A pleasant journey, strewed with flowers ; A dreary Scene of painful strife They quickly change with matchless powers. Domestic joys will fast decay Where Female influence is unknown ; Where'er a woman holds the sway, A man is in perfection shown. She’s never failing to display Truth in its native loveliness ; A heart inclined to treachery A woman never did possess. That man true dignity will find Who tries the matrimonial state : Who pours contempt on womankind Will mourn mPFoIIv when too late. Street Potatoes. —Nothing is gained by “bedding out" too early—the tubers are apt to rot. It is better to do the work later, and place under them some substance which will generate a very gentle heat. In our last volume, it will be remembered, a correspon dent gave a plan by which "slips" might be obtained in three weeks—putting down a layer of stable manure direct from the stalls —then upon this a layer of earth a few inch es thick. On this the potatoes, and on them a few inches of earth—the whole to be well protected from rain, to prevent the manure from getting wet and generating too much heat. — Souther a Cultivator. The Republican National Convention is appointed to meet in the city of Cincinnati on Wednesday, the 1 ith of June. GLEANINGS. Spelling for the drinks is the popular pas time in Virginia City saloons. A calico factory has been started at Wil mington, N. C., the first in the South. The United Presbyterians have now ten churches in Egj’pt, with an average of more than forty communicants in each. The wreck of the emigrant ship Strathmore is reported, with 800 coolies on board, of whom only twenty were saved. Dalton, Ga., nourishes the meanest thief out. He stole the water pitcher, lamp, and hymn book from the Presbyterian church. rhe impeachment of Ames in Mississippi is a tiling decided upon. The House has passed the resolutions and appointed five managers to conduct the trial before the Senate. ( 01. Jones, ol the Macon Telegraph, is get ting away with his brother editors, lie now says that ho was once acquainted with a man in Liberty county who ate snakes and grass hoppers for a living. File colored people of Washington are [ire paring to send delegates to the convention of colored people of the United States in Nash ville on the sth'of April for political purpo ses. Exasperating. —The Nashville American says Fred Douglass was lately refused ac commodations in an Indianapolis hotel, and here is Morton sitting on what’s left of his hind legs and howling for the suffrage of the colored voter. San’Francisco now manufactures fire crack ers instead of importing them “from China. In two factories with $15,000 capital invest ed and using raw material to the amount of $7,500, fire crackers of the value of $30,000 were turned out last }'ear at an expense for labor of $5,000. After two Arkansas farmers had squander ed $1,1*20 on the lawyers in trying to find out who owned an old cart, they commenced shooting, and five cents’ worth of ammuni tion brought a satisfactory decision. “ It’s your cart," were the last words of the plain tiff. A thirteen year old boy who ran away last September from his parents in Massachusetts, has been restored by the detectives. lie took a SIOO bill to see the world, and visited New York and other cities, and came as far South as Savannah, where he made several hundred dollars selling pictures. At the Lad}' Washington tea party given recently in Macon, at the residence of Mrs. Lockett, a candlestick used by Gen. Wash ington, at Princeton, was on exhibition, and the assembled company there had an oppor tunity to solve this conundrum : Where was Gen. Washington when lie blew out the can dle ? The Georgia State Board of Health bill was amended and passed without opposition.— The Judiciary Committee have perfected it as originally planned by Dr. Thomas, to have county boards consisting of the Ordinary and two physicians. The ten dollar penalty is abolished, and five cents allowed for record ing births, marriages and deaths. The Lexington (S. C.,) Dispatch is inform ed that Mr. John C. Canghman, who resides near the line of Edgefield and Lexington counties, killed on the loth ultimo, at one shot, four wild turkey gobblers, weighing IG, 18, 24 and ’2h\ pounds, respectively, and a Mr. Garner, of Beaufort county, also killed, one day last week, four deer at one shot. The North Carolina Conference, of the Methodist Episcopal church, South, will cele brate 187 G as its centennial year, and has invited adjoining conferences to participate. The programme includes a mass-meeting, March 21, in the city of Raleigh, a contribu tion of $60,000 to education, and $25,000 for a Metropolitan church in Raleigh. It is already perceived that the new Ger man military system will operate disastrously upon the country in respect to the propaga tion of the human species. The strong, spi rited, healthy youth stand a good chance of being killed off in war or reduced to physical wrecks, while the weak and diseased remain at home, escape the recruiting officer, and found families. “Times are very hard in Georgia,’’ “Mou ey is exceedingly tight.” “ Everybody is feeling the evil effect of the fearful stringen cy.” And yet Edwin* Booth played in the State fourteen nights, and received twenty six thousand dollars and a diamond ring. Too poor to give to churches, too poor to give to the poor, too poor to do anything but grum ble and pay thousands to Edwin* Booth ! Poor, Georgia. —Chronicle 4* Sentinel. The first State election of the year occurs in New Hampshire the 14th of March, two weeks from next Tuesday. The two political parties arc so evenly divided there, and it being the initial political contest of the Cen tennial year, the result will be anticipated with keen interest. At the last election the Republican majority was only 172, a very small nßirgin, which the Democrats hope to overcome. The Lenoir Messenger records the rather singular death of a little son of Mr. James Oxford. The child, by some means, had stuck a needle in his back, just between his shoul ders, and it remained there for some time before it was discovered and taken out. At first it appeared to be a matter of no conse quence, but the wound afterwards became inflamed, the little boy grew worse, and on Sunday evening last died. lie came from the country sevAi years ago, and is now a well-to-do merchant. Last week he wrote to the old folks, telling them he had married a latly with a very fine voice—a “mezzo-soprano of quite extraordinary com pass.” Yesterday he received an answer from the maternal side of the house, inform ing him that his lamented aunt was afflicted with something of that sort during her life, but had always found relief in placing a mustard-plaster on the sole of each foot and i drinking a pint of catnip tea. i TERMS, $2.00 PER ANNUM: ( SI.OO FOR SIX MONTHS. FACTS AND FANCIES. A\ hen you hear a man say the “world owes him a living,*’ don't leave anything lying around loose where he can collect it. “ W hat is the interior of Africa principally used for ?” asked a teacher of a pupil. “For the purposes of exploration,” was the reply. An old lady hearing someone say that the mails wore irregular, remarked, “It was just so in my younger days—no trusting any of ’em.” “ A es, F want mv daughter to study rhetoric,” replied a Vermont mother, “ for she can’t fry pancakes now without smoking the house all up.” She asked him if her new dress wasn’t as sweet as a spring rose, and the brute said it was, even to the minor attraction of still having a little due on it. A little boy hearing the phrase that "matches arc made in heaven,” said lie should think that they could lie made easier in the other place w lie re the brimstone Is. Prayers were offered up at the Hippodrome last week for Dana, the editor of the New ork Sun. M hen before lias the world seen a subl inter illustration of Christian faith? Speaking of dancing, a Catskill clergyman hits the nail on the head with the remark that “ people usually do more evil with their tongues than with toes.” Many a man who rolls up his eyes in ter ror at the idea of stealing a niekle will swoop down on a silk umbrella worth $lO and march off with his lips moving peacefully as if in prater. “ It doesn’t take me long to make up my mind. I can tell you !" said a conceited fop. It's always so where the stock of material to make up is small,” quietly remarked a young lady. Upon the death of a Danbury woman, who was a chronic borrower, an unfeeling neigh bor observed : “ She won’t be buried there a week before she'll be calling on the other tenants for their flowers.'’ If you hear a person slander another, mark that person ; the same will slander you in a like manner when occasion offers. The slan derer always speaks evil of those whom they hate, be they saint or devil. A\ illie was saying his usual evening prayer at his mother’s knee at bed-time, ami having got as far as “If 1 die before 1 wake,” hesi tated. “Well, what next?” naked his moth er. “ Why, mamma, I suppose the next thing would be a funeral.” A candy-store window displays, in worsted letters, the inspiring text, “The Lord will provide.” A boy who passes daily says it ain't so, and “ yon can't git no candy in t here on the credit of Providence. Nicklos is the only stuff wat gits them gum-drops. There is a class of people who always con clude that when a man comes into church late he is actuated by one two motives— either to dodge the collection or to attract attention. There are cases where a tight boot or anew suit of clothes have something to do with tardiness on such occasions. “Has that gal got fits?” asked an old farmer who had paused to see a young lady go through with her calisthenic exercises in the garden. “No,” replied the servant girl, “that's jiminyasties.” “So,'’ said the farmer in a pitying tone, “ poor thing ; how long lias she had ’em ?” A little fellow being told by a young man to get off his knee, that he was too heavy to hold in that way, made quite a sensation among the persons present by yelling back, “Too heavy, hey? Sister Sal weighs a hun dred pounds more than T. and you held her on your knee four hours last night.” The second night after, her husband died she sat by the open window five hours wait ing for the cats to begin fighting in the back yard. Said she, “ Hus thing of going to sleep without a quarrel of some kind is so new to me that I can't stand it! Let ine alone until they begin, then I can doze off gently !;’ A clergyman was preparing his discourse for Sunday, stopping occasionally to erase that which lie was disposed to disapprove, when he was accosted by his little son, who had numbered only five summers : “ Father, does God tell you what to preach ?” “ Cer tainly, mv chiid.” “Then what makes 3*oll scratch it out ?” A good story is loid of a well known real estate dealer, with whom the use of business terms in his conversation became a second nature. lie was a widower with two chil dren. and one evening, among a party of in timate friends, he laughingly told a young lady she had better marry him. “ Well, I have made up my mind to gparry no one but a widower with six children,” replied she, “and you have but two.” “Oh! if that is all,” retorted he, all alive for a bargain, “I’ll pay on the usual terms—one third down, the balance in one, two, three and four vears.” Collard Greens in Heaven. An enthusiastic old colored brother recited in the hearing of his fellow mortals in church in Elbert, o,ne Sunday, a visit lie was permit ted to make to heaven while in a sleep or trance. His description of its beauties was most attractive, but when lie got to where the good Lord invited him to dinner, every ear was expanded to catch each word. “Dare was de most good tings—collard greens and ham. and wheat bread, and setch, lots ob cako and sweet tings.” The old gray-beaded negro who filled the office of pastor listened quietly to the dream, er’s description, and after he concluded his harrangne, arose and asked him : “ Yon say, my brudder, dere was lots ob cake and good tings on dat table ?” “ Yes, sail!” “ Dat dere was wheat bread and ham dere, too ?” “ Yes, sah !** “ 1 have no doubt of it, mv brudder. De good massa in heaben keep a mighty" good table, 011 which you will find all dese tings and more, but, mv brudder, \ r ou’s de fust one ever sat down to dat table and found collard greens on it!”— Gazette. NUMBER 40,