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iliU'knaimkvfecttc BY RICHARD W- GRUBB DARIEN, GEORGIA, SITI’KBAY MOKMNCi, MUlfilli IST!. ALL SORTS- Two beads are better than one—es pecially in a barrel. A Chicago minister is affectionate]y advertised as being “out of a job.” The editor of a New Berlin paper wants to trade his Midland railroad stock for an old setting hen. Tho Ohio Legislature has intro duced a bill fixing a fine of from five to fifty dollars for pointing any kind of firearm at a person, loaded or un loaded. Inscription on t Tonne sec tomb stone: “Escaped the bullet of the enemy to be assassinated by a coward ly pup—a kind husband, an affection ate father.” Sixteen years Tom Kcayon went to Kansas City and the other day lie signed a check for sixteen thousand dollars. Ho sigued with another man’s name, however, Tho Chicago Tribune prints a poem in which the writer wishes that she bad “a heart full of sweet yearlings.” How the persecuted author must have yearned to fumble among that com positor’s hair. Twenty-one freshmen were lately ■suspended from an English collcgo because a professor couldn’t find out who placed a ten-ounce tack in his chair. He, however, knew all about who sat down on it. A little boy, carrying home some eggs from tho grocery, dropped thorn. “Did you break any V” asked his mother, when he told her of it. “No,” said the little fellow, “but the shells came off some of ’em.” Victor Hugo is deeply in love with the United States, and one minute out of every 1 our, when he is awake, is devoted to talking about this coun try, the other fifty-nine minutes being devoted to talk about himself. The ruling passion strong in dan ger. An alarm of lire was, the other day, given in a New York hotel. “Landlord,” said a guest, “is the ho-I tel on fire?” “Yes, sir.” “Well given us one more drink, if you please, and we’ll get.” The average Burlington, lowa, sa- Joon keeper must be bad indeed. A ■earned divine in that city recently addresed one of thorn ns follows: “Wretched man ! If tho bed of that river was bank high with the suds of salvation, and a June rise ol piety coming down from the mountains, ; there wouldn't be enough to wash your feet. Happy is tlie country that has no history, as the school boy said being flogged the third time for not knowing the maiden name of George Washing ton's wife. Landlady (fiercely—-“ You rausn't occup3 T that Hbd with boots on." Boarder—“ Never mind, they are an old pair. I guess the bed-bugs can’t hurt ’em. I'll risk it anyhow.” A young lady out West, recently said: “Some men are always talking about patronizing their own town—and yet they go abroad to get married, while here we all stand waiting! Tdo hope some of those men who marry off from home will get cheated. “What, are wages hero?” asked a laborer of a boy. "I don't know." “What dues you father get on Satur day night?” “Get,” said the boy; “why, he go's as tight as a brick ” “Pat, do yon understand French ?” “Yiss, if it's spoke in Irish.” “Dick, why don't yon turn that buf falo robe t'other side out? the hair side is the warmest/' Bah! Tom, don’t you suppose the auin .1 knew how to wear his own hide?” “Sam, why am Senators like de fishes ?” “I don’t meddle wid de subjec’ Pomp.” “Why don’t you see, nigga, becaus dey am so fond of de bate.” A New Jersey tobacconist, with commendable frankness, advertises: “I shall continue to keep on hand im ported cigars of my own manufac ture.” Troubles are like babies —they grow bigger by nursing. Don't meet trou bles half way, for they‘are not worth the compliment. Dialogue from Fun: Fair damsel putting on new gloves—“ Too tight ? “Oh, no, auntie; not at all; besides, I like them a leetle tight!” Trouble some Brother—“ Feels as if somebody was squeezing her hand; don’t $e see auntie!” A wag declares he saw a cowhide in a shop. "What State is round on both ends and high in the middle? OLio. A farmer reading a journal to his wife in which was the sentence: “The President was received with three huzzas,” pronounced the last word hussies.” “More shame for him,” ex claimed the indignant and scandalized lady. Atwoods & Avery, BROAD STREET, DARIEN, GA., 0 RETAIL DEALERS IN DRY GDDDS, GROCERIES, DRUGS & MEDICINES, BOOTS, SHOES, HARDWARE SiC. KEEP CONSTANTLY ON HAND A LARGE AND WELL SELECTED STOCK of everything in their line of business. PROMPT ATTENTION PAID TO ORDERS. . Masters of vesels would do well to give them a call, They invite the attention of the public to their new Spring Stock, A fine assortment of STRAW GOODS ID HATS, all of the latest styles. Press Goods, Prints, Cloths, 4 Casimers and everything pertaining to the Dry Goods trade can be found in their store. They also keep on hand a iirst-class stock of Harness. Harness trimmings, Saddles, Carriage trimmings, Ac. Their stock of Crockery, Stone. China, and Glass wares are of the best qua! tic THE DARIEN TIMBER GAZETTE, PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY MORNING AT Darien, GEORGIA, BY RICH AM) W. GRUBB. SUBSCRIPTION PRICE O!sLY $2 50 FEE AHNBM. ADVERTISING RATES LIB ERAL. FOUNDRY 11 MACHINE WORKS, Brunswick, Ga. % THE UNDERSIGNED IS PREPARED TO FURNISH, ON ! SHORT NOTICE AND AT REASONABLE PRICES, SAW MILLS, SAW MILL CARRIAGES (BEST MADE,) ENGINES, SEAS MILLS AID PASS, AXI> ALL KINDS OF IS A € art N E; a Y AND OTHER CASTINGS, EITHER IN BRASS 6R IRON. HAYING competent mechanics in the machinery, foundry and blacksmith departments, i confidently promise satisfaction in workmanship and promptness. As these works are more convenient to the mill men, rice planters, an3 shipping, around Darien, I respectfully solicit pat ronage from all who wish work done. TERMS CASH- On delivery of work. Yerv Respectfullv, T.'F. SMITH. j April 25—tf. JOB PRINTING, ~~ HAVING POWER PRESSES, NEW TYPE AND Fix tures, large stock of ruled and flat papers, card stock, Ac., on hand, and first-class workmen, THE APPEAL PRINTING OFFICE, BRr N S WICK, GEORG IA, Is prepared to promptly execute all classes of Job Printing, on short notice and at prices that will compare with the lowest, —workmanship and material considered. ORDERS SOLICITED FOR PAMPHLETS, BILL AND LETTER HEADS, MONTHL Y STATEMENTS, | HAND-BILLS AND PROGRAMMES, BUSINESS AND VISITING CARDS, BLANKS, OF ALL KINDS, And all other classes and kinds of Job Printing, in plain black, i or as many colors in ink or bronze as desired. The Appeal office being splendidly furnished with new type and fixtures, there is no establishment in this section better pre pared to do all classes of Job Printing, on short notice and at reasonable prices. TERMS CASH, on delivery of work. ORDERS SENT DIRECT will receive the same attention as ! if attended to in person. April if>—