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Darien Timber Gazette.
VOL. 6.--NO. 2.
Darien Timber Gazette,
PUBLISHED EVERY FKIDAY MORNING,
AT VARIEAT, GEORGIA,
CORNERBROAD AND .NORTHWAY STREETS.
BICHAKD W. GRUBB,
Editor and Proprietor.
SUBSCRIPTION RATES:
For one year (in advance) $2.60
For nix months " 1-50
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Five copies, each one year $2.00
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Advertisements from responsible parties will bo
published until ordered out, whon the time is not
specified on the copy, and payment exacted ac
cordingly.
Communications for individual benefit, or of a
personal character, charged as advertisements.
Marriages and obituary notices not exceeding
four lines solicited for publication. When ex
ceeding that space, charged as advertisements.
Bills for advertisements due upon presentation
after the first insertion, but a spirit of commercial
liberality will be practiced toward regular patrons.
To avoid any misunderstanding the above rules
will be adhered to without deviation.
All letters and communications should be ad
dressed to the undersigned,
RICHARD W. GRUBB,
Timber Gazette, Darien, Georgia.
City Directory.
COUNTY OFFICERS.
County Commissioners —James Walker, Chairman;
Adam Strain, Isaac M. Aiken, J. A. Atwood, T. H.
Gignilliat, James E. Holmes, Joseph Hilton.
Clerk Board of County Commissioners —Spalding
Kenan.
Clerk Superior Court —l. B. Davis.
Ordinary—C. H. Hopkins, Sr.
Sheriff— T. Butler Blount.
Receiver Tax Returns —W. MeW. Young.
Tax Collector—O. C. Hopkins.
County Treasurer —M. C. O’Neil.
County Surveyor —W. R. Poppel.
Coroner— Philip Maxwell.
The Commissioners hold monthly meetings on
the first Wednesday in each month.
CITY OFFICERS.
Ex-Officio Mayor— James Walker.
Ex-Officio Aldermen —Joseph Hilton. J. A. Atwood,
Adam Strain, J. E. Holmes, Thomas H. Gignilliat,
Isaac 61. Aiken.
STANDING COMMITTEES.
Committee on Finance— Messrs. Strain, Atwood
and Hilton. „
Committee on Accounts— Messrs. Holmes, Gignil
liat and Aiken.
Committee on Harbor— Messrs. Hilton, Aiken
and Strain.
Committee on Health and Cemetery—Messrs. Gigml
liat. Atwood and Holmes.
Committee on Paupers— Messrs. Atwood, Holmes
and Gignilliat.
Committee on Jail —Messrs. Aiken, Hi.toil and
Atwood. ,
Committee on Streets and Lanes —Messrs. Aiken,
Strain and Holmes.
Committee on County Roads— Messrs. Atwood,
Gignilliat and Hilton.
Committee on Public Buildings— Messrs. Strain,
Gignilliat, and Aiken.
Committee on mice— Messrs. Holmes, Hilton and
Strain.
Committee on Ordinances —Messrs. Aiken, Strain
and Atwood.
Clerk ami Treasurer— Spalding Kenan.
City Marshal—Charles H. Hopkins, Jr.
Deputy Marshal —Alonzo Guyton.
Harbor Master —James Abcel.
Port Physician— Dr. James Holmes.
Inspector General of Timber —George \V. Far See.
Port Wardens —lsaac M. Aiken, John H. Burrell,
and James G. Young.
Jailer —Charles H. Hopkins, Jr.
Hoard lHlot. Commissioners— Charles S. Langdon,
Chairman, K. K. Walker, W. C. Clark, Arthur Bai
ley, Dr. It. B. Harris, James Lachlison and ltobt.
Mitchell. Wm. L. Gignilliat, Secretary.
MASONIC.
Live Oak Lodge. No. 137, meets first Wednesday
night in each month at their hall near the Magno
lia House; H. S. Ravenel, Worshipful Master; E.
W. Grubb, Secretary
UNITED STATES OFFICERS.
Collector of Customs, Brunswick District —John T.
Collins. Headquarters at Brunswick.
Deputy Collector of Customs for Port of Darien
Charles H. Townsend.
Boarding Master —Edwin C. Davis.
J’ostm aster —l). Webster Davis.
Deputy Marshal —Joseph B. Bond.
SUPERIOR COURT—EASTERN CIRCUIT.
Hon. Wm. B. Fleming, Judge.
Major A. B. Smith, Solicitor General.
Bulloch County—Thursday before first Mondays
in April and October.
Effingham County—First Mondays in April and
October.
Bryan County—Thursdays after "first Mondays
in April and October.
Chatham County—Second Mondays in February,
May aud October.
Mclntosh County—Tuesdays after last Mondays in
April and October.
Liberty County—Tuesday after second Mondays
in Maj T aud October.
UNITED RTATSb MAILS.
The mails arrive from Sterling, No. 1, Macon A
Brunswick Railroad, every morning (Sunday ex
cepted) at 10 o'clock a. in., departing every after
noon at 3p. m. Mail closes at p. ni.
Side mail for No. 3. Atlantic A Gulf Railroad
departs S'i o'clock every Tuesday morning aud
arrives at 3 p. m. every Monday, touching at
ltieeboro and South Newport both ways.
RELIGIOUS.
Religious services at the Methodist Church
every Sunday morning at 11 oclock, aud evening
at 8 o’clock. School at the Ridge every Sunday
afternoon at 3}j o’clock. Rev. H. E. Harman, pas
tor.
Religious services every Sabbath at 11 a. m. and
3 p. in. at the Methodist Church, colored, Rev.
L. H. Smith, pastor,
New Bakery
—AND—
CONFECTIONERY.
ALSO, A FINE STOCK OF
Dry Goods and Groceries,
(At M. Cnllinau's old stand.)
FRESH PIES, BREAD AND CAKES EVERT DAY.
Party and Wedding Cake made to order.
Pure, delicious ice-cold Soda Water on draught.
Also,
A. Fine Stock of Candies
Of ourowL manufacture constantly cm liand.
Parties wishing anything in our line are respect
fully invited to give us a call.
Isadore Collat,
Proprif*or.
Professional Cards.
•yy ALTER A. WAY.
Attmey-at-Law and Real
Estate Agent,
DARIEN. GEORGIA.
Will practice in tho Superior (jourts of the
Brunswick and Eastern Circuits. Also, in tho
Federal Courts in cases of Bankruptcy, etc. Par
ticular attention given to the collection of claims
and the examination of land titles. april'2s
yy ROBERT GIGNILLIAT,
Attorney-at-Law,
DARIEN, GEORGLA
Prompt attention given to all legal business In
the Eastern and Brunswick Circuits, and m the
United States Courts at Savannah, Georgia.
april2s-ly
y E. B. DeLORME,
Attorney & Coimselor-at-Law,
and Notary Public.
DARIEN, GEORGLA
Office on Broad Btroet, near Timber Exchange.
July‘2
jyt. SPALDING KENAN,
DARIEN, GEORGIA.
Offers his professional sorvices to the citizens of
Darien and vicinity. He can ho found at all hours
day aud night, at his office on Screven street, next
door to Mr. Wilcox’s dwelling house. augß-ly
jyt R. B. HARRIS
Offers his professional services to the citizens of
Darien and surrounding country. All calls prompt
ly attended, both medical and surgical. Office
under the Masonic Hall, in old Custom House
building.
J J. ABR.AMS,
Attorncy-at-EaW,
Commercial Building,
juae6-tf SAVANNAH, GEORGIA.
HUNKY U. TOMI'KINK. | B. A. DENMARK.
rjTOMPKINS & DENMARK,
Attorneys-at-Law,
No. 105 Bay Street, SAVANNAH, GA.
Practice in the United States Courts, and in the
Superior Courts of the Eastern Circuit. jeG-tf
Miscellaneous.
LOOK OUT.
HOYT'S COLOGNE, CORNING'S COLOGNE,
LUBIN’S EXTRACTS, POMADES,
HAIR OIL, TOILET POWDER,
LILLY WHITE, PUFF*BOXES,
EOUaE, TOILET SETS,
And in fact, a full assortment of Perfumery and
Fancy Tfcilet Articles. Soaps—toilet, laundry and
medicated. Give us a call.
W. H. COTTER A CO.,
feb22-tf Druggists and Apothecaries.
Reduction! Reduction!
mUDUCTIOKT !
To give everybody a chance before they have
fully supplied themselves for the season, the
Managers of the Famous
New York Clothing House
Have decided at this early date to
ji.ike ui rio.r
on their already very
XxOW PRIOESS,
offering now their entire stock of
FINE CLOTHING
—AND—
GENTS 5 FURNISHING GOODS
lower than can be bought
AT WHOLESALE ES T NEW YORK.
Thin is no humbug, to draw a crowd, but
A POSITIVE REDUCTION,
to close out our
Spring & Summer Clothing
Como one and come all. and supply yourselves
at the FAMOUS NEW YORK
CLOTHING HOUSE!
HO Congress street, Savannah, Ga.
Jan3l
PREPARED AND SOLD ONLY BY
W. H. COTTER & CO.
W. H. COTTER & CO'S.
Magnetic Liniment
Is an invaluable, remedy in all casos of Rhenma
tißm, Neuralgia, Chronic Pains, etc. It is also an
excellent application to all bruises.
W. H. COTTER & CO'S.
Cholera Mixture
Is a sure and speedy cure for all Bowel Affections
and Summer Complaints incidental to our climate.
These preparations are guaranteed to give imme
diate relief, and should he kept in every family.
—FOIt THE LADIES—
W. H. COTTER & CO’S.
Sewing Machine Oil
The Best Oil made for all fine machinery. apl9-tf
Garden Seed.
X XTE HAVE ON HAND A SUPPLY OF FRESH
V v Garden Seed, just received, consisting in
part of
BEETS, CABBAGE,
CARROTS, CUCUMBERS,
CELERY, EGGPLANT,
LETTUCE, OKRA.
ENGLISH PEAS,
BEANS. TOMATOES,
SQUASH, OYSTER PLANT,
EARLY CORN, PEPPER. Etc.
AY. H. COTTER k CO.,
Lruaghite u*l
DARIEN, GEORGIA, FRIDAY MORNING, JULY 4, 1879.
Steamboats.
GEORGIA & FLORIDA
INLAND
STEAMBOAT COMPANY.
The Darien Line!
THE STEAMERS
David Clark and Centennial,
—TRI-WEEKLY—
BETWEEN DARIEN AND SAVANNAH,
AND WEEKLY TO SATILLA RIVER.
fiCHKDIILE:
Tho Steamer DAVID The Steamer CENTEN
CLARK, Captain John NIAL, Captain W. C.
Fitzgerald, will leave Ulmo, will leave Hotel
Hotel Wharf, Darien, Wharf, Darien,
FOR SAVANNAH, FOR SAVANNAH,
every Wednesday and every Saturday, toueh-
Sunday, touching at all ing at all intermediate
intermediate landings. landings.
RETURNING. RETURNING,
Leave Savannah every Leave Savannah every
Monday and Friday af- Wednesday afternoon,
ternoon, arriving at Da- arriving at Darien every
rien every Tuesday and Thursday, and leave Da-
Saturday, and leave Da- rien tho same day for
rien the same day for St. Simon’s, Brunswick
St. Simon’s, Brunswick, aud Satilla River.
St. Marys and Fernan- '
dina.
Through rates of freight to and from Northern
and Western ports.
Steamers connect at Brunswick with tho up
ward and downward trains of the Brunswick and
Albany Railroad and with tho Macon and Bruns
wick Railroad.
THOMAS WHITE, Agent, Hotel Wharf.
O. S. BENSON, Gen’l Passenger Agent.
SPECIAL NOTICE.
CAPT. THOMAS WHITE, Agent, is authorized
to adjust, promptly, all claims at Darien.
J. S. LAWRENCE, Manager,
sep2Q-tf Savannah, Ga.
Savannah and Melonville
STEAMBOAT LINE.
INLAND ALL THE WAY!
STEAMER ROSA
For St. Catherine’s, Doboy, Union Island, Darien,
St. Simon's, Brunswick, Satilla River and St.
Marys, Ga., Feruaudiua, Jacksonville, Paiatka
and all points on St. Johns River, Fla.
STEAMER ROSA,
Captain P. H. WARD,
Will leave wharf foot of Drayton street, every
TUESDAY a*-i o'clock p. m., for Jacksonville,
Fla., touching at all the above points, except Sa
tilla River.
Through rates of freight issued by steamer
Rosa for points on Altamaha, Ocuitilgee and Oco
nee rivers, will be protected by Steamer Halcyon,
C. M. QUARTERMAfi,
Agent Steamer Halcyon, Darien, Ga.
Trough low rates of freight and passage and
hills of lading given to all points.
Freights for Altamaha, Ocmulgee and Oconee
Rivers must be prepaid.
Freight received daily, Sundays excepted.
J. H. SMITH, Manager.
O. S. Benson, General Business Agent. feblO
REGULAR LINE
On tlie Altamalia, Ocmulgee
and Oconee Rivers.
THE NEW AND LIGHT DRAFT STEAMER
JP O ZSSL ,
DRAWING TWENTY. INCHES ONLY WHEN
laden, will ply regularly on the waters of the
Altamalia, Ocmulgee and Oconee rivers, during
both summer and winter, connecting with A. A G.
R. R. at Doetortown, and M. A B. R. R. at Lumber
City Bridge, and with Savannah by steamer David
Clark, Captain Tom White, at Darien. Freights
are kindly solicited. Strict attention shall be paid
to all freight ami business consigned to her. Live
and let live, shall be her motto. With permission,
respectfully referring all parties to R. C. Bowin,
House Creek, Wilcox county, Smith Turner, Ab
berville, Wilcox county, T. F. Fussel, Wilcox Lake,
Telfair county, Stephen Middleton, Appling
county, steamboat agents at Darien, and railroad
agents at Doetortown and Lumber City, and ltobt.
Mcßride, Montgomery county.
dec2o-(>m JgNKINS M. HOLMES, Master.
AN N OU N CE M EN T.
VTTE FEEL GRATEFUL TO OUR MANY
V V friends and customers for their liberal pat
ronage during the past year, aud we have entered
anew year with the determination to deserve a
larger share of their trade. We do not keep cheap
drugs, but sell a GOOD AND PURE ARTICLE OF
MEDICINE as low as it can be sold. Remember
that we have constantly in stock a lull assortment
of
PURE MEDICINES,
PAINTS, OILS,
VARNISHES.
PATENT MEDICINES of all kinds,
HAIR DYES,
HAIR OILS,
HAIR BRUSHES,
TOOTH BRUSHES.
And the best article of No. 1 KEROSENE OIL at
lowest prices.
Prescriptions carefully compounded night or
day.
W. H. COTTER A CO.,
feb22-tf Druggists and Apothecaries.
NOTICE.
Wheelwright and Blacksmith
r AM NOW PREPARED TO DO ALL KINDS
L of Wheelwright and Blacksmith work at short
notice.
BUGGIES, WAGONS AND SIGNS
PAINTED.
Gorham’s Patent Attachment for shafts (a great
saving of time and money to all who use them)
are kept on’hand.
All kinds of work done in flrst-class style. All
I ask of the people, of Darien and Mclntosh
County is a trial. All work warranted.
ROBERT MITCHELL,
jeG-tf Second street, Darien, Ga.
Ordinary’s Citation.
GEORGIA, MCINTOSH COUNTY—Whereas, the
estate of Dr. Samuel W. AVilson, being un
represented, no annual returns having been made
for several vears according to law. These, are
therefore to cite all and singular the kindred and
all parties concerned to be and appear at my office
within the time prescribed by law, and file their
objections, if any they have, why the law should
not be enforced and other executors appointed
Given under my hand and official signature
this 2d day of June, 1879.
CHARLES H. HOPKiAS,
junod-t/ caUiur*. IRA Ob
A Nez Perce Funeral.
"Call me, Washington, when they are
going to burry him,” said tho doctor.
George Washington, evidently not quite
sure that he understood tho doctor, said,
with an interrogative glance: "You like—
see him -dead man—-put in ground?”
And pointing downward, and alternately
bending and extending one kneo, he
made a semblance of delving.
The doctor nodded.
“Good! Me tell you.”
“I want to go, Washington," said tho
Lieutenant.
“And I too,” said tho Lieutenant’s
guest, myself.
George Washington was one of the Nez
Perce prisoners surrendered by Joseph to
General Miles after the battle of Bear-Paw
Mountain. The dead man was one of the
wounded in that action who died from his
wounds, aggravated, no doubt, by inarch
ing to the East in the winter of 1877, un
der orders from the War Department.
George spoke a few words of English, and
was quite an intelligent Indian. He was
very clean—for an Indian—and was com
fortably clad.
“How soon?” asked the doctor.
"Ha —call me—when he ready; mo call
you.”
“Good! Then I shall go to dinner.”
“We had better eat our dinner,” said
the Lieutenant; “it is growing late. Come
and have some dinner, Washington.”
Washington seemed not quite sure that
he understood correctly. He had a modest
distrust of his English. In tho matter of
an invitation to dinner doubt is admissi
ble.
“You —wont me —” here George Wash
ington tapped himself on the savage breast
—“eat with you?” And hero, gracefully
reserving the hand, with the index ex
tended, he touched tho Lieutenant on tho
civilized bosom.
“Yes; come in.”
We three entered the tent. As it was
an ordinary “A” tent, with a sheet-iron
stove in it, it was pretty full with the ad
dition of two good-sized white men and
an Indian of no comtemptihle propor
tions. The Lieutenant and I sat on the
blankets, camp fashion; Washington sat
on my heavy riding-boots, with the stove
perforce between his legs.
“Good wahrrm!” ejaculated George
Washington, hugging the stove.
“Hustlebuger!” shouted the Lieutenant.
“Yes, sir.”
George Washington will take dinner
with us. Set the table for three.”
“All right sir, Lieutenant!”
“Good man—docther,” Washington re
marked, nodding several times to empha
size his obversation, “ver’ ( —good man—
docther.”
We eagerly assented, pleased to see that
the Indian appreciated the Doctor’s kind
ness to his people.
Rabelais’ * quarter of an hour began to
hang heavily on our hands. Washington
was equal to the occasion. Taking a sur
vey of the tent he nodded approvingly
and remarked, “Good tepee."
“Not bad this weather.’’
“Good eyes!” said Washington, in a
burst of enthusiasm.
These two simple words, in their
Homeric immensity of expression,
meant all this: “The firo made on
the ground in our Indian lodges lilies
them with continual smoko, and conse
quently we Indians suffered very much
from sore eyes. Now, your little stove,
while it warms the tent much better than
fire, does not smoko, and your oyes are
not injured.”
Our habitual table, a small box, was not
constructed on the extension plan. It
would not accommodate three. So Hustle
burger handed directly to each guest a cup
of macaroni soup. Washington disposed
of the liquor in very short time, but the
elusive nature of the macaroni rather
troubled him. We showed him how to
overcome its slippery tendency. .Smack
ing his lips, he said, with a broad smile,
“Good! What you call him?
“Macaroni”
"Maclony? Good! Maclony—maclony.”
he continued, repeating the word to fix it
in his memory.
Our only vegetable was some canned as
paragus. Washington was delighted with
it after he had been initiated into the mys
tery of its consumption. He did not stop
at the white. “What you call—him?”
“Asparagus."
“Spalagus—spalagus? Goo-00-d !”
“Did you never eat asparagus before,
Washington?”
“Never eat him—nev 1 seen him, Spala
gus— spalagus! Goo-00-d!”
Hustleburger now brought in the des
sert, which consisted of canned current
jelly; served in the can. Each guest
helped himself from the original package,
using a “hard-tack” for a dessert-plate,
more ardiqm. Washington was bidded to
help himself. Before doing so, however,
he wished to test the substance placed be
fore him, and, taking a little at the end of
his spoon, he carried it to his lips. Then
an expression of intense enjoyment over
spread his face; his black eyes sparkled
like diamonds; his full lips were weathed
in a smile. “Ah ! good-00-00-d !” he cried,
with a mouthful of o’s. “What you call
him!"
“Jelly.”
“Yelly? Ah! yelly goo-00-ood ! Me—
like —yelly—much.” Aiul ho helped him
self plentifully.
A smell of burning woolen became un
pleasantly noticeable. Washington still
had the stove between his legs: it was red
hot. He never moved, but ate “yeLL ”
“Washington, you’re burning!” cried
the Lieutenant.
Washington smiled. “Much wah-r
--rtim !” he remarked in the cooliest manner
possible.
“Throw open the front, then.”
A long, shrill cry now rang through the
silence and the darkness. M ashington
jumped up suddenly, ran out of the tent,
and uttered a cry in response so similar
that it might pass for an echo of the first.
Then returning, he said: “He call. He—
ready—put —dead man down. Come; Me
—come back eat —yelly.”
Fortunately, the Indian camp was not
far off. The’ night was pitch-dark. Led
by Washington, we got through the thick
underbrush without much trouble, lhe
grave was near the water’s edge, xvhere the
Missouri and Yellowstone, meeting, form
an an ole. A large fire of dry cottonwood
at the head of the grave fitfully lit up the
dismal scene. A bundle of blankets and
buffalo robes lay by the grave. Some In-
dians of both sexes with bowed and
blanketed heads stood near it. Washing
ton was evidently awaited. As soon as he
appeared a little hand-bell was rung, and
a number of dark, shrouded figures with
covered faces crept forth like shadows
from the lodges throughout the camp and
crowded around tho grave, a mute and
gloomy throng.
Tho bell was rung ngain, and tho dark
crowd became motionless as statues. Then
"Washington, in a mournful monotone, re
peated what I supposed to be the prayers
for the dead. At .tho end of each prayer
the little bell was rung, and responses
came out of the depths of the surrounding
darkness. Then tho squaws chanted a
wild funeral song in tones of surpassing
plaintiveness. At its close tho bell tinkled
once more, and the figures that surround
ed the grave vanished as darkly as they
came. Washington, one or two warriors
and ourselves alone remained.
“ You like—see—him—dead man ?”
asked Washington.
The question was addressed to me.
I never want to look on a dead fuco if I
can avoid it; so with thanks I declined.
Washington seemed a little disappointed,
as if he considered we showed a somewhat
uncourteous want of interest in the de
ceased. Noticing this, the Leutenant said
he would like to see the dead man’s faco,
and, preceded by Washington, we moved
toward tho bundle of blankets and buffalo
robes that lay by tho side of tho grave.
Washington threw back the buffalo robes,
and a bright gleam of tho cottonwood fire
disclosed the upturned faco of the dead
Nez Perce, and lightened up the long,
thick locks a glossy blue-black hair. It
was the faco of a man about thirty, bold,
clear-cut features and long, apuilino nose;
a good face and a strong face it seemed in
death.
When we had looked upon tho rigid
features a few moments, Washington cov
ered the faco of his dead brother. Tho
body, coffined in blankets and skins, was
placud in the grave, and tho men began to
throw earth upon it.
"That’s all,’’ said Washington. "Come."
And he moved away toward our tent
Ho seemed to think some apology neo
esairy for the simplicity of tho ceremony.
“If,” said he, “Chapman (the interpreter)
—he tell —we sleap hero to-morrow —wo
put dead man—in ground—when sun he
ver’ litt’; an’ Yoseph ho come—an’ you
come—an’ I come—all come—-white man
an an’ Injun.”
“He wtis a line looking young man." I
remarked, alluding to the dead Indian.
Washington was pleased with tho com
pliment to his departed brother. Ho stop
ped short, and turning toward me, said,
“Yes ho fine young man —good man—
good young man."
“I thought ho was rather an oldish
man,” remarked the Lieutenant
“No no,” replied Washington, touching
his head—“all black hairs—no white
hairs. Good young man.”
And Washington lod the way back to
ward the Lieutenant's tent saying, “Lot
us go-eat up-yelly.”—J. T. in Lippincott’s.
An Oid Story Worked Over by the Boston
Transcript.
On Columbus avenuo there dwell a
wedded pair who were made one last fall.
No knight of old was more devoted to his
“faire ludye” than was the husband during
tho honey-moon and the moon that fol
lowed it. But ere the third moon had
waned tho young wife noted —or thought
she noted, no doubt it was fancy—a
change. As time passed on, it became still
more apparent. Her husband was loving,
of course, but somehow there was a lack
of the old ardor, there was a falling off in
the old demonstrativeness. This troubled
her, and, woman like, she was quick to
conclude that his love for her had cooled.
One evening, after thinking tho matter
over all day, she broke out with. “You
don’t love me any moro." “What makes
you thiuk so?” he asked, in a business-like
way, scarcely lifting his eyes from the
books which he was reading. “Because,”
she sobbed, “you never pet me any moro,
and you are not half so attentive as you
used to bo.” And then she broke down
into a regular cry. The husband saw that
something must be done. Laying aside
his book and regretfully relinqishing his
cigar—a man does hate to be disturbed
when once settled for the evening—he
went to his weeping wife, and led her to
the window. “My dear,” he said, “do you
see that horse car coming up the avenue ?”
“I do,” she sobbed. “And do you see
that man running to catch it?* “Yes,
dear, what of it?” “And do you see that
he is straining every nerve; that ho is
shouting to tho conductor at the top of his
voice, and doing his best to make the car
stop?” “I do,” said the wife, whose cu
riosity was aroused, “hut what on earth
has that to do—” “One moment, my dear.
Look again. Do you observe that he has
caught the car, and that he is no longer
running, but is probably quietly seated
inside taking a rest? He has got through
shouting and running, because ho has
caught the car. Now, My dear’ —at this
point he kissed away her tears —“it is just
so with me. I have caught the ear.” And
with that the self-satisfied monster led his
wife back to her seat on the sofa and
silently resumed his easy chair, cigar and
book.
How they Return from Leadville. —
“Why is it,” asks a correspondent, "that
if Leadville is as bad a place as you de
scribe it, we never see any of the people
who go there come back” Oh, well, that is
easily enough explained. M hen a young
man sots out for Leadville, he arrays him
self conspicuously for a day or two prior
to his departure; then he has the fact of
his going and the train he will take, an
nounced in the village paper, and at the
appointed time he goes rattling down to
the depot in an open carriage two hours
before train time, and swaggers up and
down the platform while the waits, and as
train goes off he leans out of the window
and yells a personal good-by to everybody
on the platform. But when he comes
back he times his return so as to sirike
his native town by a back road, after dark;
then he sneaks home through the alleys,
climbs over the back fence, taps at the
kitchen window and begs, under his
brenth, to be let in; and vhen he gets in
he stays in bed three or four days, while
his new clothes are being made and the
doctor is trying to count the blisters on
his feet. Oh, it’s easy to explain why we
nC ver 866 tlioro coin© luftcki V)nt tlit’y 0.0
come back all the tame.
$2.50 A YEAR
Bill Arp, of Georgia.
Mr. Carlton introduced os at his store,
under tho Fifth Avenue. Josh was a settin*
there about half nsloop. I thonght he was
a Methadist ex’orter. Mr. Carlton, says
ho to me: “Arp—Major Arp—allow me to
introduco you to Col. Billings—Josh
Billings. Col. Billings, Major Arp, from
Georgy."
Seating myself, I looked at the Josh and
Josh looked at mo. He nevor said nothin’
and I never said nothin’, for I still took
him for an ex’orter. After a good long
minute ho opened his mouth solem’ly
and said;
“Say something."
“Something?” said I; for I had Just
spotted him and was looking aa eolern’ as
possible.
“When you fled from the foul invader
you hud a steer with a knot in his tail,”
said ho.
“Yes," said L
“Is he well?" said ha
“As well as he could bo expected, con
siderin’ ” said L
“Considerin’ what?" said ha
“He is dead,” said L
Billings sighed, and, wiping lila eye>
said with much feeling:
“Hence these steers." ,
Just then Mr. Carlton called ua to the
door to see a balloon sailing away with a
balloontic in it. We looked at it as long
as we could see it. After awhile it drifted
clear out of sight and wo sat down to
ruminate. Billings sighed again and the
comers of his mouth drooped very low.
Said ha
“Tho like of that makes me very sad.
Thirty years ago I embarked upon life’s
uncertain see—not tho wet sea shore enuf
but the dry land. I started West with $4
and a good crackter—which is to say there
were no indictments agin’ me; I wasn't a
runnin’ away from nothin’. I went on an
explorin’ expedition like Columbus and
Sir John Franklin—an experimented sur
vey of tho faco of tho earth. I traveled
afoot—that is a good many feet—ln fact a
few hundred miles and got out of money
and expedients about the same time—way
off at a little town in Indiana.
“My natural aversion to mnscular exer
cise had about brought me to the verge of
bankruptcy when I spied a crowd moving
round in the suburbs. There I found a
little dried-up Italian going round with a
hat trying to make up ten dollars. He
said he could go up in his balloon for that
sum and no less. The crowd hesitated,
and talked and laughed and joked, but
they didn’t contribute. The Little fellow
looked sad anddiscouraged.and was about
to give it up when I suddenly discovered
my opportunity. Rousing myself as it
were from despair, I whispered to him
and askod if he would give me all over the
tun dollars that I could get, ‘Yes,’ said
ha Seizing the hat, I grew eloquent. I
let iiy my homely wit and got everybody
in good humor, and in about five minutes
had raked in twenty-two dollars.
"'The rotten'old balloon was fired up ia
a twinkling. I helped to fire it—and filled
it so full of gas the old guv-ropes could
hardly hold it to the ground I saw that
the little fellow looked anxious, but 1 felt
gaily and was bound to give him a Uvdg.
send olt
“When wo cut tho ropes he shot up like
a sky rocket; In less than a minute he won
about a mile up in the blue ethereal vault.
It was a calm, still day as you aver sea,
and he went up so straight it almost broke
our necks to look at him. Up and up and
up he went until the ballon was a bare
speck in tho sky—and higher and higher
it went until the speck wua gone, and not
even a sky glass could find it
“My friends, from that day to this no
body has ever seen or heard of that little
Italian, and somehow or somehow else X
have always felt responsible for him. My
only hope is that he went dead straight to
Heaven. May the Lord have meroy on us
all.”
Billings choked up and sobbed a little
as he remarked: “I’ve got hia part of tho
twenty-two dollars, but if he's ever heard
of I’ll pay it to him and three per cent
interest— l will ’pou honor— Arp, let’s step
round and, take somethin’— T am feelin*
so sad.”—Detroit Free l'reaa
Doings of the Telephone,
At Mansfield, Ohio on Sunday last, a
telephone was run from the pulpit of a
church to a residence where there were
sick people, and they could hear the ser
mon, the singing, and the jingling of the
gun-wads in the eolleoting plate. If this
telephone business proves to bo all that is
claimed for it, the churches can all be
sold to bo used for breweries and livery
stables, the minister can preach from his
bed at home, or from a pier out in the
lake, while holding a fish-pole to catch hie
dinner out of the water, and the members
of the church can lay all around at home,
with dirty shirts on that is, the men —and
with their hair tied up in curl papers—
that is the women—and they can hear all
the sermon, even if their pantaloons are
out at the heel and tLier new bonnet not
yet arrived from the milliner. Then re
ligion will be so cheap that even the pool
can have it. There will be no expense for
churches, no pew rent, no fuel, no gas, no
frescoed ceiling, no nothing. All that will
be necessary will be to hire a minister, give
him a house to live in on some fish pond,
give him land enough to raise vegetables,
and let him catch fish between meals. If
he catches more fish than he needs he can
peddle them around the town, and send
the money to foreign missions, and no
collection need be taken up for that pur
pose. And then every thing will bo lovely.
A sermon through telephone, with the
congregation lying down at the homes of
the members, on the lounges, or stretched
out on carpets on hot Sundays, will soak
in them better than the old way. You
won’t have to be looking around the
church wondering what some confounded
handsome woman is laughing about, and
there will be[no baldheaded hotel keeper sit
ing in front of you so you can’t see the
girls in the choir. But, come to think of
it, going to church is the best. It seems
moro sociable. Never mind, you needt
sell the churches yet. We will take that
telephone a spell.—Milwaukee Sun.
Where is the lean with soul so dead.
Who has not a beastly cold in his head.
In this his own—kertstshtehow-ow 1! er-er
ah-tunm er-k-k-tsss shoranchhh l!! I
—Xe,o York Mad.
The Fourth will be duly celebrated-, im
Brunswick to-dav