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THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.
WDAT WK FIND IN TRB HCMOitOIA
PAPERS TO LAUGH OVER.
(tat a Nlik Utaa-The Sana Cat—HemMar
Darii’i Race. Etc.
A RACE.
Senator Davis who is sow eijjaiying his
honeymoon takes the jokes of. bis friends
in very good humor. “While he was
dining one day at Wormley’s with some
friends, .among whom was Mr. Evarts,
the conversation drifted tooLhletic sports
and foot races. Mr. Evrute, with a view
to one of his sarcastic jests, turned to
the great trunk of him, from
which he himself n /ay Re supposed to
have been whittled off *s a sliver, and
■uggested that such, sports were entirely
out of his line. ‘Y/eU, Evarts’, replied
Judge Davis, ‘perlaaps you think I can't
run ? Now, look bere, I’ll bet you a case
of wine I can beat you in a hundred
yards if you will Get me choose my
ground and will give'me five yards start.
I’m heavy, you know, and want solid
footing.’ Mr. Evafts was satisfied that
he‘had a dead swre thing, ’ and as the
ovening had advanced the dignified com
pany resolved to ombend itself tffcfll fur
ther for the apert. ‘Come on, then,
shouted the Senator, ‘follow me!’ So
*way they weut, down to a narrow alley
that Tuns between Twelfth amdffihir
teeiltk streets. Marching into it for the
■distance of fire yards, while his arms
touched the brickwork on each side, he
■quietly observed: ‘Now, Evarts, get in
behind me, and take your time, lam
going to take mine!’ ”
WHY HE LEFT A RESTAURANT.
“So you have left our restaurant?” -said
one man to another on the Call Board
last week, “what’s the trouble?”
“Oh, I got thoroughly saturated with
•disgust.”
“Disgufcted, eh? What at?”
“Why you see it is right here. ’I got
tired of ordering com beef andeabbage,
■and hearing the waiter sing out, ‘Red
-Tag with a blanket!’ ‘cuff buttons’ for
■ codfish balls, ‘cotton batts’ for hot rolls,
and ‘brown paper for one’ wheril order
buckwheat cakes. All this, together
with ‘Odd Fellows’ for three links of
-sausage, disgusted me, and I quit”
THE same cat.
The following story is told -Of 1 George
Briggs, who lived in Watertown,'N. Y.:
When he was about 14 years of age, he
■conceived the idea that his father was
not treating him exactly in the manner
he should, and like a great many other
young men, he resolved to-leave the pa
ternal mansion. So he went to Cape
Vincent and shipped on a schooner
bound down the river. On reaching
Clayton, George was not ofily homesick,
but also seasick. The schooner touched
1 Clayton, aud George, with a face longer
tli an the moral law, was gazing Wolfe
Jslandward. Someone tapped him on
the shoulder; George looked up ; it was
his father. He followed him silently
from the boat, and reached the island
. just before supper; he greeted his
mother with a tender smile, and as he
: looked around the house he saw the big
Maltese eat by the stove. Then George
found words to speak, and this was what
he said:
“Why, mother, have the same
cat you had when I left home.” George
had been away from home just thirty
nine hours.
a hopeless case.
A diner-out, who has had more than
his share of wine, is carefully feeling his
way home at night, when he unfortu
nately stumbles against the circular rail
ing which surrounds astatue.
After having gone about
seven times, the hopeSessneWrii liis situ
ation flashes upon him with vividness,
. and he sinks down upon the pavement
outside with a despairing shriek:
“Tni scoundrels! They’ve shut me
In here!”
HE WAS EOT SHETISH.
Of the late Joseph lasigi, the vener
able Boston merchant, a good story is
related by the Hingfaam-to the
following effect:
One tine Sunday morning the bark
Sea Bird, owned by the old firm of lasigi
& Goddard, was hauling into the dock,
just arrived from a voyage to the Med
iterranean, on which voyage she had
beaten the famous dipper'Kace Horse.
Learning that she was signalled below,
the two partners met for congratulation,
and, attired in their Sunday clothes,
repaired to the wharf. Everything was
in apple-pie order, and the .bright paint
and glittering rigging delighted the two
■owners, as well as the crowd of bystand
ers who had gathered. As she drew
near enough to the capsill to board, the
tide being low, the distance to her deck
was too great for a jump, and Mr. lasigi
seized hold of a backstay and, clenching
it tightly, slid nimbly to the deck, but
■to his dismay the rigging .had been
freshly tarred, and his bands were com
'jietely embalmed. Quick as lightning
he concealed this, and when a ladder
was placed for his partner to descend, he
.stepped briskly to the foot of it, and
(pretending to be one of the newly ar
rived, grasped the hand of Mr. Goddard
with “ Good morning, Missur Goddard !
I. make you much joy,” of course trans
ferring a large part of the black pitch to
the delicate white hand which his part
ner had readily extended, but which
was indignantly withdrawn when Mr. I.
exclaimed, “ Missur Goddard, >1 takes
noting from dis bark I not share vis
yon.”
KNOWING SOMETHING.
An amusing incident recently took
place, at a trial in London. The prose
cuting counsel, Mr. Saunders, examined
the constable who had made the arrest of
the prisoner, and asked: “Well, what
did the prisoner say ?” Constable—“Ah !
you want to know something.” [Laugh
ter.] Mr. Saunders—“ Yes; I want you
to tell .me what he said. ” Constable—
“ You want to know something.” [Con
tinued laughter.] The learned counsel
appeared .disconcerted, and appealed to
the Bench whether the constable ought
not to answer the question. Mr. Fletch
er—.“ Certainly.” (To the constable) :
“What did the prisoner say ?” Consta
ble—“ You want to know something.”
(Boars of laughter.] Up to this time
the prosecuting counsel had only casual
ly referred to fcis brief, but suddenly his
eye rested on the constable’s evidence
given before the magistrate, which was
to the effect that on the prisoner being
given into his charge, he asked him
what he was doing in the fowl-house,
nH bin reply was: “You want to know
something,” a remark which explained
the equivocal answers of the constable.
NO FIEE-ESCAPE FOR HIM.
A “commercial traveler,” says the
Reno Gazette, called at the Palace Hotel
to-day and wanted to sell a patent fire
escape apparatus A1 White wanted to
know how the thing worked. “ All
you’ve got to do,” said the agent, “ is to
make the rope fast to the leg of a bed
stead, in case of fire, and slide down.”
A1 gave a grunt and said: “That’s a neat
racket, ain’t it ? Every man in the house
would slide out that way and the con
cern would be bankrupt m less than a
week. Go West, my son, and Strike
somebody greener than we are."
A r * "a.— "
__ —■ -*
WIT AND WISDOM.
There Is one thing about Munchausen,
•ays a Philadelphia paper, to his credit
The Baron never tried to be a weather
prophet.
An Arkansas editor says that the stingi
est man in his town talks through his
nose to save the wear and tdar on his
false teeth.
The heading “ Another Safe Robbery
on the South Side,” leads the Oil City
BUzzard to remark that most robberies
are safe nowadays.
The question is asked us if there is
anything that will bringyouth-to women ?
Yes. indeed. An income of say $20,000
will bring any number of them.
An Alabama judge has decided that a
man who puta his satchel on a seat in the
cars reserves that seat—unless tl*a man
who moves it is bigger than he is.
Correspondents of a daily paper are
discussing the question, “Can a man
marry on $lO a week.” He .cannot if the
girl is aware of the amount of his in
come.
A sardonic officer: “ Don’t pull me
around so,” said the thief to the police
man, “ I have a felon upon my finger!”
“And I have my finger upon a felon,”
remarked the policeman.
A New Haven lady having noticed a
gentleman acquaint;.Ace standing in a
fixed position in a book and paper stole
recently, entered the store and asked
him if lie was stationery.
Telegraph wires are so numerous on
some of the streets of New York that
people living on a fourth floor flat can
sift their ashes by merely throwing
them against the net work.
We have just received a sample copy
of anew song, entitled, “Put your arms
around me, dear. ” Any lady who desires
to try it can do so by calling at our office
—we mean the song, of course.
A good deal of comment has been
caused because a Georgia man broke his
back with a 6neeze; but how much
more wonderful it would have been bad
he broken his knees with his back!
“ Why do you carry your pocketbook
in your hand?” asked a Philadelphia
husband of his young wife. “Oh,” was
the quiet reply, “it is so light that lam
afraid it might jump out of my pocket.”
The recent Congress passed.a law to
prevent the importation of adulterated
teas. They should have put an a “rider”
to prevent the giving away of an unadul
terated chromo with a pound of tea.—
Norristown Herald.
St. Dotos girls who go to Vhe cooking
schools won’t permit their names to be
known. They are afraid that when their
lovers find it out they will want to marry
right off, and then they can’t have any
more fun. — Philadelphia News.
People who live remote from the sea
shore can make a good artificial clam by
rolling a piece of soap in sand and ashes
and eating it when it is about half cool.
This is rather better than the real clam,
but it will give the inlanders an approxi
mate idea of the luxury. —. Providence
Press.
Fifteen genuine Sioux ‘lndians who
are seeing Gotham amuse the people at
a hotel by eating with their hands and
dressing outlondislily. As they wear
silk hats they think they are civilized.
This is a very common mistake among
other people besides Indians. —Lowell
Citizen.
“ If your boarding house should take
fire at night what would you do to get
the people ont?” asked the -fire marshal
of an experienced matron. “ Oh, there
would be no trouble about that,” was
the reply ; “I would justring the break
fast bell, and aJVthe boarders would be
in the dining room in three'minutes.”
“Who are those two .men?” asked
Deacon Gilpin of ’Squire McGill the
other evening. “Oh, those are the men
who come to work in Joralum’s place.
He has moved to Binghampton.” “To
work in Joralnm’s place; why he was
the lnziest man in Marathon !” “I know
it, and that’s the reason there’s two of
them. It takes both of them to be as
lazy as he was.” —Marathon Independ
ent.
Am Essay n Boiler Skates.
The roller skate, says Bill Nye, is a
wayward little quadruped. It is as
frolicsome and more innocent looking
than a lamb, but for .interfering with
one’s upright attitude in the community
it is perhaps the best machine that has
appeared in Salt Lake ‘City.
One’s first feeling on standing up on a
pair of roller skates is an uncontrollable
tendency to come from together. ,One
foot may start out toward Idaho while
the other as promptly strikes out for
Arizona. The legs do not stand by each
other as legs Belated by blood should do,
but each shows a disposition to set up in
business alone, and leave you to take
care of yourself as best you may. The
awkwardness of this arrangement is ap
parent. While they are setting up in
dependently, there is nothing for you to
do but b* sit down and await future
developments. And you have to sit
down, too, without having made any
previous preparation for it, and without
haring devoted as mueh thought to it as
you might have done had yon been con
sulted in the matter.
One of the most notieeable things as
a skating rink is the strong attraction
between the human body and the floor
of the rink. If the human body had
been coming through space for days aud
days, at the rate of a million miles a
second, without stopping at eating
stations, and not excepting Sundays,
when it strikes the floor, we could un
derstand why it struck the floor with so
much violence. As it is, however, the
thing is inexplicable.
There are different kinds of falls in
vogue at the rink. There are the rear
falls, and front falls, the Cardinal Wolsey
fall, the fall one across the other, three
in a pile, and so on. There are some of
the falls that I would like to be excused
from describing. The rear fall is the
favorite. It is more frequently utilized
than any other. There are two positions
in skating, the perpendicular and the
horizontal. Advanced skaters prefer the
perpendicular, while others affect the
horizontal.
Skates are no respectors of persons.
They will lay ont a minister of the
Gospel or the Mayor of the city as
readily as they will a short-coated, one
suspender boy, or a giddy girl.
When one of a man’s feet starts for
Nevada and the other for Colorado, that
does not separate him from the floor or
break up his fun. Other portions of his
body will take the place his feet have
just’vacated, with a promptness that is
surprising. And he will find that the
fun has just begun—for the people look
ing on.
The equipments for the rink are a pair
of skates, a cushion, and a bottle of
liniment.
Baked Beans. —“ Let your beans sim
mer in warm water slowly, with molasses
and mustard : then put in the pork and
bake a long time. A small green onion
arids a delicious flavor.” This is the
latent recipe for Boston “baked beans.”
Tk* Wicked Little Girt
“Ma’a upstairs changing her dress,
said the freckle-faced little girt, tying
her doll's bonnet-strings and casting her
eye about for a tidy large enough to
serve as a shawl for that double-jointed
young person.
“Oh, your mother needn’t dress np
for me," replied the femnle agent of tin
missionary society, taking a self-satisfied
view of herself in the mirror. “Bun up
and tell her to come down just as she is
in her every-day clothes, and not to
stand on ceremony.”
“Oh, but sbe hasn’t got on her every
day clothes. Ma was all dressed up in
her new’brown silk ’cause she expected
Miss Dimmond to-day. Miss Dimmoud
always comes over here to show off her
nice things, and ma don’t mean to get
left. When ma saw yon coming, she
said, * The Dickens!’ and I guess she
was mad about something. Ma said if
yon saw her new dress she'll have to hear
all about the poor heathen, who don’t
have silk, and you’d ask her for money
to buy hymn books to send ’em. Say,
do the nigger ladies use hymn-book
leaves to do their hair up on and make it
frizzy ? Ma says she guesses that’s all
the good the books do ’em, if they ever
get any books. I wish my doll was a
heathen.”
“Why, yon wicked little girl; what do
you want of & heathen doll ?” inquired
the missionary lady, taking a mental in
ventory of the new things in the parlor
to get material for a homily on worldly
extravagance.
“So folks would send her lots of nice
things to wear, and feel sorry to have
her going about naked. Then she’d
have hair to friz ; and I want a doll with
truly hair and eyes that roll up like
Deacon Sliderbaek’s when he says amen.
I ain’t a wicked girl, either, ’cause Uncle
Dick—you know Uncle Dick, he’s been
out West, and swears awful aud smokes
in the house—he says I'm a holy terror
and he hopes I’ll lie an angel pretty
soon. Ma’ll be down in a minute, so you
needn’t take your cloak off She said
she’d box my ears if I asked von to.
Ma’s putting on that old dress she hail
last year, ’cause she said she didu’t want
you to think she was able to give much
this time, and she needed anew mufi
worse than the Queen of the Cannon
Ball Islands needed religion. Uncle
Dick says you oughter go to the islands,
’cause you’d be safe there, and the
natifs’d be sorry they was such sinners
anybody would send you to ’em. He
says he never seen a heathen hungry
enough to eat you, ’less ’twas a blind
one, an’ you’d set a blind pagan’s teeth
on edge so he’d never hanker after any
more missionary. Uncle Dick’s “awful
funny, and makes pa and ma die laugh
ing sometimes.”
“Your Uncle Richard is a Dad, de
praved wretch, and ought to have re
mained out West, where his style is
appreciated. He sets a horrid example
for little girls like you.”
“Oh, I think he’s nice. He showed
me how to slide down the bannisters and
lie’s teaching me to whistle, when ma
ain’t round. That’s a pretty cloak you've
got, ain’t it ? Do you buy all your good
clothes with missionary money? Ma
says you do.”
Just then the little freckled-faced
girl’s ma came into the parlor and kissed
the missionary lady on the cheek find
said she was delighted to see her, and
they proceeded to have a real sociable
chat. The little girl’s ma can’t under
stand why a person who professes to be
so charitable as the missionary agent
does should go right over to Miss Dim
mond’s and say such ill-natured things
as she did, and she thinks the missionary
is a double-faced gossip.
ORANGE COUNTY MILK.
How It Was Pivot Neat to .the Now York
Market.
In a recent conversation with a re
porter, Thomas J. Taylor, an old milk
producer, of Florida, N. Y., gave a short
history of the growth and method of the
milk traffic in Orange County. He
said:
“ The first milk shipped from Orange
County to New York was in April, 1842,
and was produced on the farm then
owned by Philo Gregory. William L.
Langridge worked Mr. Gregory’s farm,
and sold to Mr. Gregory the milk at two
cents a quart, delivered on the cars at
Chester. It went to New York by the
passenger train in the morning, to Pier
mont, and thence by boat. The first
shipments were made in chorus, which
with their contents were weighed, and
twenty cents a hundred was charged for
freight ani two shillings six pence for
cartage from the boat to the milk depot
at No. 80 Thompson street, New York.
Mr. Gregory employed a man to sell his
milk, paying him $lO a month and
board, a ltd sold his milk at four cents
per quark Mr. Langridge in one year
aud a half made an assignment, while
Mr. Gregory, at two cents a quart, paid
his freight, cartage, rent (which was
830 per year for a basement room) and
help, and established a business which
has since grown to enormous propor
tions. It was soon found that two cents
a quart was a losing business, and for
many years it was sold by the fanners at
two cents a quart for four months, three
cents a quart four months and four cents
a quart four months. These were the
established prices until 1861, during
which time butter sold in the early
spring and fall of the year from one
shilling and sixpence to*two shillings a
pound, and dairies for season at 16 to 20
cents. When the war broke out prices
ran wild, farmers receiving as high as
four cents in summer, six cents in
spring and fall, and eight cents in win
ter. Butter was worth from SO cents to
75 cents at the farmer’s door. After the
war, and up to 1871, farmers sold their
milk to the dealers at the market price;
the dealers made the price at its honest
value, and the farmers were satisfied.
In November, 1871, milk had been sell
ing during the whole month at six cents
and freight on the platform at Jersey
City. N. D. Woodhull called a meet
ing of the milk-dealers together in Hes
ter street, % New York, on the 30th of
November,’ and proposed the plan of
making the price five cents, saying that
no one farmer could or would contest the
price. He carried his point, and ever
since the price has been made by the
same combination, led by Mr. Woodhull
until he died.”
A New Weapon.
A young man l>v the name of Murphy
living at the East End of London went
home the other night, and instead of find
ing a warm welcome and a hot supper
he found his mother lying stone dead on
the floor with her head firmly fixed in a
tin saucepan. She was in liquor when
her son left her, and the medical evi
dence went to show that she hail pitched
forward upon the floor and driven her
head in the saucepan so securely that
she could not extricate it, and had conse
quently died of sufToeation. Since the
dawn of creation the King of Terrors
has wielded an infinite variety of weapons,
but probably never before confronted his
victim with saucepan.
STAUTLNG OUT LN LIFE.
A DESCRIPTION OF TltS WRONG KINO
OR BOV.
A rirtar* at Out <rin U—nm Ut la
the IVraa* Way.
Speaking about boy*. Did you ever
•otiue how some boys make an effort to
et along in the world ? When a young
tan starts out in life he commences by
toting for a position in which he may
arn his daily bread and find clothes to
over his nakedness. If he is one of
•heae reckless, vagabond sort of boys
vhose thoughts don’t ran a rod into the
utnre, or hardly keep pace with the
hings going oti around him, or has
srown up about as does a lonely and iso
lated weed in the garden that obtains its
strength from a rich spot in the ground
nd draws nourishment from the better
fed plants and vegetables that from their
value receive care and ..attention, it is
•afo to sav that he is one who never
lrinks of what the next day, month or
year may bring forth, and tiiough near
ng the age of manhood he is about as
•apable of filling the position of a man
is a mnlley calf. Still, he makes a pro
cure at curing for liimaeU and claims to
no doing all in his power to get along in
lie world. Rnch a boy starts out to olv.
rain a situation. He is reek less about
‘iis personal apjH>arance. His hair is un
■ombed. face and hands uuwashed, aid
fhe general appearance of a tramp in lrs
■xterior recommendation If he appln s
for a position, the man who happens to
need a young man sizes him np and con
findes that lie had rather employ a Dig
ger Indian, if he has gel to reform and
make clean the person ho hires.
And again, lie will wander around for
■lavs ami wet Vs. hanging around places
n .icre they have no more use for a hoy
than a dog lies for two tails. He spend
one diy loafing about the depot, exjvet
ing some oue will come around and offer
him a tine situation at four dollars per
day and board. He will stand around
and t.Jk with the baggage-man at the
do;iot, or help thelunch-conntor clerk to
carry in coal for his dinner, and in the
afleinoon he loafs around some more and
scrapes the acquaintance of the brake
man in the yard and helps him couple
ears and unload freight, while the broke
man tills him full of taffy about how
easy it is to get s soft thing working for
a railroad company. The next day lie
spends at the police-court listening to
die casiw tried, loafs an hour or .wo at
lie post-office, awhile Ma billiard hall,
iml winds up withs to a saloon.
Vll the time he is fairly aching to have
-<nno one give him a position and he
curses the country where a young man
•-•m find nothing to do. When yon see
hat kind of a young man you can set it
right down that he don’t amount to a
row of pins. Men don’t hire boys from
under the eaves of a saloon, and when
they are looking for a young man to do
v job of work they do not go through
the crowd loafing around the depot with
a search warrant, and pick out the dirti
est young tramp among the number.
No one ever heard of a man who
wati tod to hire a young, bright, active.
Stirling boy, with fire in his eye, energy
and vinegar in his constitution, looking
over the loafers at the police station for
such a boy. At sncli places all the boys
yon would find would only have energy
enough to masticate a chew of tobacco,
or luud down a dry goods box on a street
corner all day, and swear through the
evening about the cursed country where
there was nothing for a boy to do.
When a farmer comes into town lookiug
for a bov to help at the spring work, at
■ifteen dollars par month and board, lie
lon’t look through the corridors of the
oostoftioe and pick out the slonchiest
ooking loafer in the crowd, or limit up
• billiard hall, and hire the boy who can
•pocket” the most balls at pool, or drink
..he most beer.
Though a boy may wear a ragged coat,
or his pants may be out at the elbows
because he has no one to mend them,
it is no reason why he should not be a
trump, and take the highest trick. Many
a boy with holes iu his lioots and his
coat torn, but whose face and hands
were clean, his eyes bright, and lus sys
tem full of energy, has carried off the
persimmons when others and better
dressed boys have stood around with
their hands in their pockets, cursing
their luck. But the boys can make up
their minds that while a business man
sees them loafiug around depots, police
courts, the poatofficc, or street corner,
A Shake.— A fasliionablv dressed and
bediamonded woman wap found wander
ing through the streefe of New York
drunk. She had a pug dog in her arms
and $l5O in a satchel
I.ona Ac*.
As long sgo a* 1858, Dr. Worthing
ton’s famous Cholera and Diarrhoea
Medicine, was known as a specific for
Cholera, Cramps, Diarrhoea, Dysentery.
Summer complaints and the like. It
can be carried in the pocket. Price 25
and 60 cents a bottle.
In Trouble. —A Columbus young man
went to the office of a Sunday paper there
to get a misstatement corrected the other
day, was carried away on a stretcher, and
revived, only to be arrested on a charge
of assault with intent to kill, for it seems
that in the conrsc of the proceedings he
flourished a pistol
Pure cod-liver oil, from selected livers on
the sea shore by Caswell, Hasard A Cos., New
York, Absolutely pure and eweet- Pa
tients who have once taken it prefer it to
all others. Physician* dwlare it superior
to all other oils.
“ Yus,” said the landlord, pointing to
his block of new houaea, “ they’re all
full, ’cept the one at the end; that’s last,
but not leased.”
Chapped hands, face pimples and rough
shin curd by umny Juniper TsrSoap made
i y Caswell, Hazard A Cos., New York.
The rule of three: For the third per
son to clear out
Ladies 4 children's boots A show can’t run
over if Lyon’s Pat. Heel stifleaere are used
Massachusetts wants to All the Hbo-'
sac Tunnel. If somebody will buy it,
cut it tip into snitnble sizes or mining
shafts and ship them to this section of
the conutrv, says the Tombs tone (Ari.)
Epitaph, it might prove a profitable in
vestment,
])r. C. W. Benson's Celery and Chnmomik
Pills me prepared espressly to cure aud vri.l
cure Headache of all kind*, Neuralgia, Ner
vousness and Dyspepsia. . 0 cents.
The petrified body of a man, with
both hands on bis stomach, has just
been found in the mins of Pompeii.
The deceased was probably one the
Pompeii Board of Aldermen after a ban
quet.
Poison. —The silver ore of the Nevada
mines is so intimately associated with
lead, that nearly one-half of the miners
who handle it, become afflicted sooner or
later with wrist drop, palsy, or ball
paralysis.
Recommended to ;* • rater*. Aids digestion,
prevents causes ami headache, ltoagp **
They are now experimenting with
paper aa a substitute for steel rails. Why
not f Ralls are statiouaiy.
IfntWl. hie A —IK J. y. Ireneet
vava: I have aee-1 Rmvn*i 1 r-n Ritter* i.
BynnilT aart reeomiaeed •■ *• * •them.’*
TmuooMKAfTtor the Torktow* Moon
meat has been given to the HaUowU
Granite Company of Maine. The monu
ment will be 9? feet $ incites high, and
crowned by an allegorical figure 13 feet
high.
TWeaeaaAs t’ea TW„-A.
The proprietors of the world-renowned
n.vuraT Hair Restorer— neva*
put np I'-sthm t.POOcalkm* at a t.me. Th
Ave but an idea of its immense demand.
Horseshoes. — Mention is made of a
new kind of horseshoe, composed of
throe thicknesses of . hide compressed
into a steel mould aud subjected to *
chemical preparation. It is said to last
longer than the common shoe, weigh*
only one-fourth as much, requires no
calks and is very elastic.
RmW ilt.ukfo
when yon hare tried everythin* else and
failed, try our Oaibofiw amt be happy: it
will prove its merit*, line dollar a bottle, and
sold by all drugivd*.
" Ties,” said the landlord, pointing te
nis block of new houses, “they're all
full, 'cept the oue at the end; that'* last,
•urt not leased.”
Jkkfsrson, < itt, Mo.--*'r. C. Ri ldbr
says; 'Perav-as who use Itroon't Iron 6t
• ers always apeak nail of it. it w a *o.d
me Heine. 1 *
Bring asked the name of her native
place, she replied: “I have none; 1
am the daughter of a Methodist min
ister.”—The Traveler.
For tremn'onrness. xvakefnlo*- , din'nraa
and lark of merry, a most valuator rv.uedv
is Brown’s Iren Raters,
Mr. Edmund Yates says that the age
wv live in is one of criticism rather than
of oc-nstruetion.
"My hands were covered with tittle dry
They lure disappeared, and I'm he*-
<->- than for vvnrs. from rating Or. Brnso;,’*
rc.re."- —\. M, Settle, Selma. N.O.
Tins tramp is not, as a general thing,
wealthy, but he can alford to spend his
summer in th
A I>rnsl-t' Mery.
Mr. laatc K At a, mao, Ptw, Nivlvit, S.
i. writ, B oa: "I axra ior ifc- nut m ytonooM
evor,l gnm ol I> l'. Lalra Kata**. Ik the
<• l vaa *y os u wnai 1 manor mi of oov
■•■ <dr n , i turn nc onwM li io o iml
m-vewtoot ■'o o*lo* tou.h Kith uo hoppKa
t ••> uwd it In my own Molly <•
■May you.
ltenry"o Carbolic helve
to too But ,-aira lor Cats -oa hrouoa Save, Di
ce**. Salt Kh.urn, Ttotor, Haooa, Ckl>-
■ lal—, CVraa, nJ all h.o- ol ski* Kruottott*,
Ftekl 'i an I Maple* Goi Hoory't CohotM
to.ro, Molloihmair.- owiorWit. nle* rieta.
A WASHINGTON girl e*n blush till her
•QW bleeds. ‘
Di?.WORTHiHSTONS
■holera Cramp
Band
WOEABURE
TOH>
TStUTUIt
Tim kert IMm4t *rr (VtWHk PWwlnfH.
I\cntrr>. tNamplnlnt. WHk
;*!*• of tko likmli- Uumucm MUr Am?,
It Bwwi■ C. S. A. bt
Warre-R. hirwyebtirml; He* Kmm*A karntr Sctktler
IT. S. TrrftsmrT. mml Mkm Trie*. tSm. ScH tor DraifMi
•m 4 Itotlm OhiT <riir if •* •is We* ) MtK Mr
THt CHMICS A.*t£j(lt A
v j lo*ophr which si
(Rial pn-Tsils. It
KMMif. MeS iftrubli remedy,
•yi HD/wV embre!n* the three
yAr/-O Important propenue
3E5 of a prerenUre. e
toefe snd o sliere
tire. It fortifies the
ft **"'7 srUttsl 41*see,
. 1 WpfW i ,Jam VT Iflf Ir> ~ -airs tr.! n
< ■ titles the torpte
Stomach md User,
and effects t eeluttry
w efitnpe ts the emlra
&imß Ss^
M ANIt WHISKEY HAMITS CURED
In Three vvecks.
Pdf ]w’N trrm*.
udilrtK* in with St, stamp
We C. nn.I.AMY, Me Dee T and HnvXAD STMWTt
ATLANTA. ISA.
<2*-, CHICAGO SCALE CO.
1 1 TON WittOX BCALL *•* TWL *l*
too, Kmm Hoi Included.
ass otmss suss. uraMraMucaimreta.
POEOES, TOOLS, Ac.
a/H I 40 ib. An, tt sad Kit erVeeleJEto
Hi* m &
Mt . ted. W.-.ou > r*** AU sum m ts*. I ■ W
Smftmkmt.sdetsm IM 1
JBiU OF BIMHAMTM, JApI/
hW.Sssr.ir,
H tim nfii iu tuniii" Eg
<■ RssiCrashSV'njg'TMtssrMjU 9
AGENTS WANTED SsMAuGflistt'
tin* Will knit a i*ir of*tKA-
HKKI.andTON cnwiplrto inimitm
It will *1 Knit a imt VAriet jr of fancy work for which
then* is Iwts a mail? market. Send for circular A forms
OPIUM HABIT
Cured Painlessly.
The Mrdh'um —M r small si >v •; >•** coat tv
cotniountlTnjf. A I taatvh trout\v s|-. at
titvn.” t’or lull ir*vicuwm atultvi rhr llt>r>vnrr
OR. S. B. COLLINS’. La Port , tad.
$5 to S2O
Agents wanted f.wth* and ristc*tsti::mt
Pictorial RiMvks and Biblr#. Prices wduooi per
com* National Ptuushing (To.. Atlanta w%.
A FTKR YEARS OF SUFFERING m mimlrno
*TVI curod tnysolf of induction and xi;l
now ,'ffor mv n modj, * THE PKRKKCTION PIU.S. •
i- rai aufflictsd. Sent l*y mad ivr SI.OO rn Kn.
with my trratiso on indigestion and JOtvS
H. .>!• AI.V l\. LoWKIiL lor iv ..rtOU vvnai
City lYaasuivr aud Ta* Collector.
tfiC a wtat in four m wwd~Twiw m b oatflft
QO fraa. Addroas H. UaLLETT* 00.. Portland, Ma.
I74AWKEK. t!2 a day at horns saauy mada. uoakh
a• a ootflt fraa. Aadraaa Tads A 00.. Au*uaMk Ma.
••THE BIST 18 CHEAPEST^*
CUtlr Bij^n
• Suited to all orctiona. 1 Write for frkk lUua. Vamphlel
and l*rnN*s to The Aultman A Taylor On, ManatlWvi. Ohio
PHPP Send to WOORKTI
pliph HIWXKXX 1 XSTFKMTt,
lLk Ulaata Ua.
1 >'or Illustrated Cire ai. -Mi year.
Won Maw end Mny toaeeSri.
Hr. dons W. Onoa, Frinetpal of Un Uah
Reboot, Troy, H. V., ante* ok
"Thor. S. Y., April T. ISRB.
" Hawn* hern tgkwd tar wwnl yo.tr*
pool with utaro* tba Boom* of which woo on.
known o mo tar a tang Inna and my nw
tinwxl disability aMtuic I* hao( si wtioe
and ilwhoMms a character a* $ vanae grant
anxiety with my family and friends 1 twe. o r
sawAod npon c.oce n%eiigotion thaj t.w
mow of ray nokwo— was the li wow I coo.ii
no* of nay kidneys and tint. At this tune
by aceidont a (rived, who had similar sy .up
tom* te mine, informed mo of the grext
mi| rovemont in hia health by taking Haas’*
Keinevtj, and temhlxl am to try it. 1
immcdtoMy vouamow-e.l taktag it ami fie a
th* first bottlo tmawn to o-..prove, aud its
rontinavd ns* afktrds very ettc. hi raring re
volts. 1 con strop seandly, walk bettor, am
tee from yams, and the seven ati.vks of
h a lac.Sv ffM which I suforoiso much have
disappoamit. and I %'trorfWily p-CMmuteuxl
Hunt's Remedy tor all iwiprat for viic.'i it
is -dvortis-vl. I will add iu c‘o- u; that tn>
wife has used it racy eaewosfoUy for pre
venting the attacks of s.flk headxo-ie .:h
a hteh roe hnd been dive l fro;:: youth.”
At—aw l Dtsheorteaed.
A prominent ettuen sends at the follow .n;
•ta'cmeau
For several pan I have bee* very seri
ous y attirte.i with a rover* pain ui my toes,
which I toe* sttroosed to be lumbago or
rheuinatwau of the hack. More rerouuy tin
twins had become we e severe, so uiu -ti so
that it was with dtSetiUy that I vrss aide to
get out of bed m the imwaiug. I had tried
I various remedies without any appurai:! rei ef.
Ry the earnest soheitakon o.' a Srteitd 1 rout
mencexl Hunt’s Ren.eb', iKvst three wv-.ss
ajM, and it* instantsucHis Iwneitts turv no i
derfrl. for 1 have had no | atus i:i my leek
s n.e taking the first three d,<svs: aud aui
rel evdl from the pains. aud c\hxv.suve
weakitvos. th* |nuubil *j mp.oms tlvai nsually
aoeonijeny disease of lh-> knlue.vs. Ami 1
conudcntiy evpeet to be comideivty and jwr
tnanently cured by the us.- of it. I moist
cheerfully recommend Hunt's Remedy lo all
who are afflicted with any kiduey or li\*r
lawase. WII.UXM Q. VK^vIUX.
'Valnut Street. Providence, R. I.
March .ISSA J
300SKW
I liYr VI
naffore-AND-mmS
Dertrir g>uu> ar* nat aa 30 Dtp* Trial.
TO MEI ONLY, YOUNG OR OLD,
urtto are rattrrtsa fwua Soovec* Pcmutv.
,V l.w Vmmt.urt <* Nvavo hwa a*
XMHva. to unsM uunnna any all time b—waa
•fa nacH's.i. Simi nwHttiiMr rivTO Aroaßsutd
ivnim I'.inw. St—ly teller and retnelet* rafte
rs tom or Ms .m, Vwom set M x* Hvwonraaomuca.
VOLTAIC till CO.. ■MMUI, ffllCfi.
-aggj^iaai
ajWgglrfiirißi
• I'HaaAN iMxiNMNiiliuiMa Newark.N.J. tW
IV.tkdo tor <radaala>> Wnta for cuvuUm.
■lli aThUTJ LriPUES
OF AU KINDS. BLi. UNO, HOSE
and PACKING, OILS, PUMPS ALL
KINDS, IRON PIPE, FITTINGS,
BRASS GOODS, STEAM GAUGES,
ENGINE GOVERNORS. Ao. Send for
Prhre-IUL W. H. DILLINGHAM ACO
PI Main Street. LOUISVILLE. KY.
mirara.
wm/m\
SWrrSriL
s-artialnv yflL Him/-—-•-*.vxsrvs
<uta Minister* and Alb- / jJLUUiJ/ th dobtUtated *<taf fbrcoa
U Spwtkwr* will tind It
ot the sTwlwt nlut
where * Tonic la neoee
*nr. I rennre—nd it
hb m reliable mmedial
MiMnt iKKiiffwiilng nn
<kmbli/nSSti'ls and
••ftoreMw* prepertlen
Mrere *., ore. t, iaa.
RBUDRniULHASTER MEDICINE CO.. SIS H D2HT..R.UHS.
The Westinghouse Engine.
JKtkr Automatic or Throttling.
4 to SiBO Horse Power.
Cannot Heat, Pound ob Cut. Enclosed from dirt, Self-Oiling, and requires
no Keying Up or Adjustments.
Sper-iutly adapted te
COTTON MILLS,
BOLLING HILLS,
FLANING MILLS,
SAW MILLS,
FLOOR MILTS,
PAPER MILLS.
OOrTON GINNING,
MINING,
ELECTRIC LIGHTING,
Snwl fur lU.Mratrd CirnJmr.
The WHSTIVGnoiiSF Mli'HIM CO.,
nmßt'iuH, pa.
General State Agencies t
Daniil A. Tompkins, Charlotte, N. C.
Atlanta Kn win wiring Cos., SS Marietta
Street, Atlanta, Oa.
Montgomkrv Iron Works, Montrom
ery, Alabama,
SOMETHING
EVERY LADY
OUGHT TO KNOW.
Tlhnt exists a mpaas of
-a soil and brilliant
Complpiioa, do matter how
poor U may naturally be.
Kagan's Magnolia Balm Is a
delicate and harmless arti
cle, which instantly removes
Freckles, Tan, Redness,
Roughness, Emotions. Vul
gar Flushings, etc., etc. So
delicate and natural re its
effects that its use Is not
suspected by anybody.
No lady has the right to
present a disfigured fare in
society when the Magnolia
Balm Is sold by all druggists
for o cents.
KEW IMPROVED
W~ ATC -El ZEUS
Übfto! Sttwh. Rowes run* K*opmr% toawt pdWh
SKSD l\m CdTUvttßTl
J P.S EVENS WATCH CO.
UrinsauLlnar, - - ATLANT A. GA.
A Great Problem.
TAKE ALL THE
Kidney* Livar
Medicines,
BLOOD
PURIFIERS,
RHEUMATIC
Remedies,
Dyspepsia
And Indigestion Cures,
Ague, Fever,
And Bilious Specifics.
Brain & Nerve
Revivers.
Great Health
Restorers.
IN SHORT, TAKK AI.I. THE BEST qu.lt>
libs of ull (hour, oust the host quullltr. of mil
thr hoot M rdklsr. of Ihr World. auU you will
•udlhut HOP HITTERS have tho host rnw
llvs qunlilloo ud puw.ro .full ronronirmtuß
In 1 hour, uod thul A*} wilt ruro when wuy or
ull *f throw, sluils or rwuthiurd. lull. Athol*
oh Irlul will lre po—pro proof of U*-
tnaiY yoLtPa*
IRON WORKS.
D. A. MIfiANK, Uiim>er.
P. C Bor 1690 N* Oiloaot. L.
Manufwioiora -RwooW*'
tad OOTTt%N l-Kt:SS*A
Stamm, Hand A ttooo INmw. Strata
ftSSTb^SS-r^^BM
Frvtntx, Ooiuinu'*. Rxilmcsw Blaok-
Buithing amt Machine Work.
tBT>m>KRS SOLlv lThlX^tt
BAH8 AH ROD R for all alw wiM Make spare ttreaarof
-1 table: toi sGii>f hasia* ** if you ran devoka
foar tlM# to It. MOMR A T HI LL. Bojl TdG. *. Ta
Twohro horeo powar, STATIONARY EriC.INE, 111
perfect nrnmni order, will ho edd hr Cwmh.
Address. Atlanta Nkw at*ai'kk Union, Atlanta, Ga.
AMaBIBA fitOKPHINIC HABIT.
iIDSSIfiI No !■“' iiil yml Tea
S H IMI years , stahlishe,!. 1,000
Sta 1 ■■■ niml. State cube. Dr.
Marsh, Qumcy, Mich.
A. N U* ******•>>••> .TwpstyFiYP.>-*8
nDIII ii eml UiiiMu HAMITS euro*
MW 111 at hi>mo without pain. IW* uf par>
Ocmiataaantfree. B,M.Woollt. M.D.,AUaatabQa.
CUT THIS OUT 32
kv RMhll. a Bs'x af GcwsU. thul wO! kria \< ta smm
Htadßv IB Ob* At.'Hlh ihBK *a> thing Ib Awrerka. Ahaa
hatoOMaurq kL YMSva Itl Onßawkk Mu. Rw YeA.
\/mWm
A netaraUra of >-w
--taruw •/ irea, IVrurioa
Hmrk and rhotphoms ia
• cralatatat. /ram. tot
homo it UindUepcnt*-