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THE CARROLL COUNTY TIMES. VOL. I. The Carroll .County Times. fit'* LI SUED BY iV . SHARPE & MUG , EVERY FRIDAY MORNING. TERMS: One Yrttf . jr.......... $2 00 fjix mouth? » 1 25 AJI payment* Invariably in Advance. Thf peper wit) be etoppej tit the expinition of he time paid for, unleße subscription if previously ren ewr<f. jf the itddresrt of the i-übncriher in to be ebanjr .l wi niu?t have the old address as well as the r , e w one, to prevent mistake. Served by Carrier in town without extra charge. >o attention paid to anonymous communica. !iou*. a? wu responsible for everythin:* en-' (ST lag our eoluuius. This rule is imperative. A X mark after stib-ciibirs name, indicates that irau of subscription Is out. advertising rates. As au invitation to Business men to make use •of our columns to further their interests, the fol. lowing liberal schedule for advertising has been tdojfed; these terms will be adhered to iu all con tracts for advert is "g, or where advert.Helmuts ire handl'd fu wiihoiu instructions: One inch or ie»s. £1 lor the tlrrt and 50 cents f>r eicli subsequent insertion, LICBK-S |1 t. 1 1 m. |3 *.)«». +l2 M. 1 Inch I$ 1 |$ 3 $ 5 * 7 *lO g Indies I 3 fi 7 hi 15 g Inches |3 | 7 <J 13 1« j 4 inches | 4 j « 10 15 23 5 Inches | 5 | HI 13 17 25 I u ('i)llinill 0 12 15 till 30 3 Column 10 15. 2a 30 50 | ifoluuin 115 I*o 3U 50 100 Displayed advertisements will be charged nc- , fording to the space tlic” occupy. All advertisements should be marked fora speci fied uaie, otherwise tin y w ill be continued, and ch.rgccgfor until ordered out. Advertisements inserted ut intervals to be charged for each new insert.on. Advertisement* for a longer period than tlire mouths, are due, and will be collected at the begin ning ol e*c!i quarter. , Iraiisient advertisements must be paid for in j advaure. Advertiscinanfs d.sci>ntinued before expiration ol time spe died, will be eliurged only lor time published. /. / . M ' * i t Notices of a personal or private character, in tended to promote any private enterprise or ii,t» i0 will be eh. rged as other advertisements. 1 v . uh‘. aie requested to band in their favor* ! h. e i\ ii lac week as possible, jut ..bevc terms wHi oe strictly adhered to. •• S.-t a litu r.il per eentage for advertising Re.-;, jour C'J pi,.-eKsiiigty b«-for*i Hie public; Ullli ! it tun, • in i w ant biisluis* jfotj are engag< U in. j ,n ihi !. gently and i dustriously pursued, a . : -:u..s >;;; tie tin result Until» J/m/uoo*‘ May* I -j»»i I i AiV' r 1 ■ i;.iu to aiivi itbe my iron ware tree - . I iv, btts.io >. nc leased wfth amazing t apidiry. For |tru)siir» :i“i 1 have spent UHo.' Oo yearly to keep I in* sup, i : x ires before the pulil.c. 11 and 1 Owi u I I’lnidh: .1.0■ o '.g, 1 mver should have possess. I rn no ,‘.h.'.o 1 uo —McLeod Jltiton Kir \ 'ik Miibis’t. tich. turns everything 1 [ ||, .* ii you, mi ~g men oraw miliious to \ | ( U'tl i . . '•!>:/.11 (Jay. Ut Hilda. : j •to ove, and bolduesi to w ar, , I *li« *4! fu n-e iil , riiit- ; s ink, is to success in I l> islot—H ittrrflr.r. ••bv iii the a;d ol ndvi itisenu pts I should j tniie nothing in my spccntutiun* l h’VI ■ Hi in si loin,- ct, la..hill pnois'i •* |iik," A dyer : tisc is me *• roya. ioud uj bn.-ii.!■»)*.”- Kutnut/i, .w*ww.,wr»—-cw’ »Amr » • w. > •» • * MI-SMNaL & ..l SLNI-’ns UViß>b turds under t!ii j head will b inserted at one I dollar per line, pet annum. No cards will be taken for this department, ;.t the iibove rates, fora less period than i l* year. iil.o. W. UARI’I.H, , . Attorney at Law Carrollton, Ga. (U.O. W. AI’STiX Attcriuv at Law, CarroLton, Gvor^.a. J. ii LA LOCK, Atlorncy at Law, CiM'toUlotif Ga. Special attention pan! to ail law mat tv.'a. [ HR. W W. Fl'l 'l S, i’liysicuui and Surgvou, Can oliicni. Ua. li. D. THOM ASS; >N. Attorney at Law, Carrollton. Ga. T C. JUKNLB - SidiUi anci U' paitvi', L\i. lomun. lia. J . U. ML’I.LLNMX, Root ana Shoe make*., Can dllpai. Ga. W - W. &. G. IV. MLR HELL, Attorneys at Law, Carrollton, Ua. | special attention given to claim to; j/pojj "■ l , L« the f\ihrnt Anny, attU " ,M QoVeihUßMic duiiiiiv L'olifV* I holl v \. die. t handier, Jut-epli L, Col>L*. ' L'UlUi, Attorneys ut Law, Cui i ollloti, Ga, I’dea.ce .n ii,c* Stipe, lor Courts ui ill*.' ""b '“'a ■<l Rome Ciicuit>. SjieciUt al - 'en t.« an Inis,nos connected w.tti A; : n'i.ai.ou Ol r.-slaies amt UIC cue } : us Otlice .ii toe t’l.u t H UM.*. RCLSK’sc SUlitM.il^™■ !■ •C'Koi.lxo.n, CLy., WJji j ‘ i! lor Forty Weeks, fn ni *1 1 lt> <?l^. ■ y . 10.’.u |VI to s|£j |H*r tp< Bill. -.1 .\ionday in January ne.-.t. '' '"if* l.nlt in advance. '■ C Rj'.i SH, A. M.. I‘rineipal. a .To I va> ; y to pi LS. Cutskv, MtL'fCAi, i A Pi u. R hn - CN- Vim Es, a '•"'** t, Hliy itiioiiuh itie citizens us C'uridilj 1 u,i .Mfeiit count;t Unit lie is permanently | "* ,tl Cai i ollton, lortlie purpose of I'rac: l, '.f gives special attention tiir ai ; l '» , * I »‘= '’-ceases of Females. He re- Jt( j 1! ■ onks to Lis friends for past patronage Rio., ' iM * K ’ liy cltme atte,ltio tt id profeß ; to merit the fame, F. A. ROBKRSON, Carpenter ami Joiner, Carrollton, Ga. All kinds of Carpenters work done at short notice. Patronage solicited. W M. REYNOLDS HOTEL, New nau. Georgia. W. M. Reynolds, Owner and Proprietor. l al>le always supplied with the beat the mar ket adonis. Board as cheap as any wbero hi Georgia. Board Two Dollars j>er Dav. ARGO & MARTIN, House, Sign, Carriage And Ornamental Painters, Newnan, Ga. Also plain and decorative paj*er hanging done "dh neatness and dispatch. Ail orders promptly attended to. few" Orders solicited from Carrollton. BOW DON COLLEGE. Spring Term opens Thursday Jun. 18, 1872. Board f>er month, *S to *12,50 Tuition, per month, fP.i-paiatory) *I,BO to *3.80 College Rales, *’>,lo Rev. F. M. HENDERSON A. B„ President and Prof. Aloial Science, Belles Let tros, Ac. J. D. MOORE, Jr.. Prof. Mathematics and French’ J. M. STEPHENSON, A 8., Prof. Ancient Languages. L. J. ADEllliOLI), M. D., Piof Natural Scietice. 11. M. EVANS. Principal Preparatory De partment. For Catalogue address the Pr Bident. J> D. MOORE. Sec. B, T. Jan 12, 1872—ts. A BIiFoaiTORY OF FASHION, PLEASCKE, AND IN STB ACTION.” Harper’s bazar. NOTICES OF THE PitESS. It is really the only illustrated chronicle ol luslLou iu the country. Its supp.emeots alone are w oiih the suhscnption price of Mte paper. 11 n.ie fully maintaining its position as a tuir ior oi iaslnon. it also contains stories, po eius, biiliiai.L essays, bcs.des general and p; j i sonui gossip. —Huston Saturday Evening Li dit tie. There never was any paper published that so delighted Ihe heart ol Woman. Never mind ll it does cost you anew bonnet; it will save you ten tones the pr.ee m house* nulii economy it teach-:.-. —Pro valence Jour nal. The young lady who buys a single iiumbe ol Jlurpet ’s Baza; is made a subscriber lor life. - New York Evening Post 1 lie Bazar is excellent. Like all the per:- udnai. winch the Harpers puhlisii, it is at— most ideally v.eii edited, ami the class ol reade.s for whom it A intended —tue moth ers and daughters in aveiage lam.i.es- ** n not blit protit by its goud sense and g*..«d ta.de, whioh we have no doubt, are to nay uiakiug very many homes it up pun Uia-t they may have been before the woman began tak ing lessons in personal and household and social management from this good-uatii. ed inc.ilo. — iLi a Nation N Y. rCBSCBIPTIoNS. — 1872. Huiper's Bazar, one year, *4 00 An wxua. Copy ol either the Magaz.ne Weekly m li.t/.ar w:l: be supplied gratis lor eve \tmb ol Five Cubscnbe.s at *I,CO each i»i one rem.iiancu , or. MX copies for *2O GU w.ihout extra copy. Subscriptions to Harper's Magazine, Week ly, and Bazar, to one address for one year, *lO 00; or two of Hai|»er's Periodicals to one address lor one year, §7,00, Back Numbers can be supplied any time. The four volumes of Harpers Bazar, tor the years IFGB, 60, '70.71, elegantly boundin green morocco cloth, will he sent by ex press. freight prepaid, for *7.00 each. The postage on Harper's Bazar is 20 cents a year, which must be [niidat the subscriber's post-office, Address Hakfkr A Ekotfkr, N. Y. CaiToU Mnsmiic Insiitulc. ) Hoii.voN, aj. Jiid. iJehiiius n. i nsidfnl This Institution, und-r the fost caieof the Masonic Fratet jPJ| - nity. letitilarlv charte cil arid or- A iranized. is devoted to the thorough eo-education ol the sexes, on the plan us the best nutdvm practical sehonlf <>t Kurope aii l America. S|> .ng Tem 1872 begins Feb'nary Ist Oirl eij i*j Jqlv 17th: Fall Tf*’ ill begin:? August L-t and end November 2D.h. Tuition and boa and at reasonable rates, r V Send for circulars Atlanta and West Point Railroad. DAY P 'SSKMJKK TWAIN (OUTWARD ) Leaves Atlanta *. 10 a. m. Arrivesat West Point.. ’ ..1140a. m. D\Y PASSENGER TKAINI-- ( IN’WAHp ) Lc vea West P0int............ r • 1245 p. |R. Arriveg at A tlauta...... 6 15 p. to, N’GHT F.*.EIGHT AND PASSENGER Lot|v< s Atlanta 8 <T> p. m. ArpVf» «t West Point lit 45 a. hi. Lenvos W*‘*t Pvint . 300 p. m. Am yea at Atlanta ...... ... . 1007 a.m. Time 15 upnutes faster than Atlanta City time. Western <fc Atlantic R{iil Road, Night Passenger Train Outward, Through to N’ YorH, via. Chattanooga. Lparfe Ailanta 10:30.p. m. ?*irive at Chattanooga 0:10 a. m. Night Passenger I rain Inward from Nevy Y'orW Connecting at Dalton, Leaves Chattanooga’ 5 : *jo p. m. j\tfive at Atlanta I:4*p. m. Pay Pa&seqgcr i r^in—OutwarJ, Leave Atlanta «riV) a. m. Arfiveut Chattanooga ~.1:21 p. in. Pftjf Passenger Train-Inward. Ltuure UfeatU'.oog 5:30 a. m. Arrivesat Atlanta 1:32 p. m. Fast Line, Savannah to New York—Outward. Leaves Atlanta 8,45 p. rn. Accommodation Train—luwar<L Leaves Dalton 1 2:25 p. m. Arrivesat Atlanta,.;. 10:00 a. m. E. R. Waikkb. M. T. CARROLLTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY MORNING, JANUARY 26, 1872. If you love me, tell me so; I have read it in your eyes, I have heard it in your iighs, But my woman's heart replies, “If you love me, tell me so.” Should I give you Yes or Nol * Nay. a girl may not confess, That her answer would be “Yes" To such questioning, unless He who loves her tells her so. If you love me. tell me so, Love gives strength to watch and wait, Trust gives heart to any fate; If you love me. tell me so. How He Came to be Married. It may be funny, I’ve done it. I’ve got a rib and baby. Shadows depart ed, oyster stews, brandy cocktails, ci gar boxes, boot jacks, absconding shirt buttons, whist and demijohns. Shadows present—hoop skirts, band boxes, ribbons, garters, long evenings, juvenile dresses, little willow chairs, cradles, bibs, sugar-tits, paregoric, hive syrup, rhubarb, senna, salts, squills, and doctor’s bills, i’ll just tell you how I got taught. I was always the darudest, most tea-custard bashful fel- 1 low you ever did see, it was kinder in my line to be taken with the shakes every time I saw a pretty girl ap proach ine, and I’d cross the streets any time rather than face one ; twasn’t because I didn’t like the critters for if I wasn’t behind the fence looking through a knot hole, I could not look long enough. Well, my sister Lib gave a party one night, and I started away from home because 1 was too bashlul to face the music. I hung around the house whistling “ Old Dan Tucker,” dancing to keep my feet warm, watch ing the heads bobbing up and down behind the window curtains, and wish ing the thundering party would break up, so I could get to my room. 1 smoked up a bunch of cigars, and as it was getting late and uncomfortable, 1 concluded to shin up the door post- No sooner said than done, and I soon found mysell snug in bed. “ Now,” says 1, “let her rip! Dance till your wind gives out,’and cuddling down under the quilts Morpheus got me. 1 was dreaming ol soft-shell crabs and stewed tripe, and having a good time, when somebody knocked at the door and woke me up. “ Uap,” t ap, rap.” Then 1 heard whispering, and 1 knew there was a whole raft of gals out side. Then bib sings out; “Jack, are you there ? " “ Yes,” said I. Then came a roar of laughter. “ Let us in,” said she. “ 1 won’t,” said i. “Can’t you let a fellow alone ? ” “ Are you abed ? ’’ says she. “1 am,” says 1. “ Get out,” says she. “I won’t” says I. Then came another laugh By thunder I began to git riled. “Get out you petticoated scarecrows! ” said I. “Can’t you get a beau without hauling a fellow out of bed? I won’t go with you—l won’t, so clear out.” And throwing a boot at ths <L>or I felt better. But presently I heard a still small, voice much like sister Lib’s, and it said : “ Jack, you’ll have to get up for all the girls’ things are there.” Oh, mercy ! what a pickle! Think of me in bed, all covered with muffs, shawls, bonnets and cloaks, and twenty girls outside waiting to get in, With a muttered prayer for safety, 1 rolled out among the bonnet ware and ribbons in a hurry. Smash went the millinery in every direction. I had to dress in the dark—for there was a crack in the door, and girls will peep —and the way I fumbled about was death to straw hats, the critical mo ment came. I opened the door and found myself right among the women. “ Oh, my leghorn ! cried one.— My dear, darling winter velvet!” cried another, and then pitched in-—and pul led me this way and that, boxed my ears, and one bright-eyed little piece, Mat her name was, put her arms around my neck and kissed me right on the lips. Human nature could not stand that, and I give her a* good as she scut, If Wfts the th'st time 1 ever gpt the taste, and it was powerful good. I believe I could have kissed i that girl from Julius Ctesar to the fourth of July. “Jack,” said she, “we are sorry to disturb you, but wont /or see we home ? ’’ o Yes, I will,” said I. I did do it, and had another smack at the gate. After that we took a kinder turtle dove after each other* both of us sighing like a barrel of cider, when we were away from each other, ’Twas at the close of a glorious sum mer day, the sun was setting behiud a distant hen roost, the bull frogs were commencing their evening songs, a»d pollj wogs, in tlieir native mud-puddles, were preaparing for the shades of night, and Mat and myself sat upon an antiquated black log, listening to the music of nature, such as tree frogs, roosters and grunting pigs ; and now and then the music of a jackass was wafted to our ears by the gentle zephyrs that sighed among the mullen stalks, and heavily ladeu with the de licious odors of hen-roosts and pig styes. The last lingering ray of the setting sun, glancing from the buttons of a solitary horseman, shone through a knot-hole in a hog pen, full in Mat’s face dying herhair an orange peel hue, and showing off my thread bare coat to bad advantages ; one of iny arms was around Mat’s waist, my hand rest ing on the small of her back; she was toying with my auburn locks of jet black hair ; she was almost gone and I was almost ditto. She looked like a grass hopper dying with the hiccups, and I felt like a mud-turtle choked with a codfish ball. “Mat, said I in a voice as musical as the notes of a dying swan; “will you have me ?” She raised her eyes heavenward, and clasped me by the hand, had at tack of the heaves and blind staggers, and with a sigh that drew her shoe strings to her pallute, said, “Yes.”— She gave clean out then, and squatted in my lap. I hugged her till I broke my suspenders, and her breath smelt of onions she had eaten two weeks before. Well, to make a long story short, she set the day, and we practiced for four weeks every night, how we would enter the room to get married, till we got so we could walk as gracefully as a pair of Muscovy ducks. The night, the company and the minister came, the signal was given and arm in arm we went through the hall. We were just entering the parlor door, when down I went kurslap on the oilcloth, pulling Mat after me. Some cussed fellow had dropped a banana skin on the floor and it floored me. It split an awful hole in my easimeres, right un der my dress coat tail. It was too late to back out ; so clasping my hand over it we marched in and were splic ed and taking a seat, I watched the kissing the bride operation. My groomsman was tight, and kissed her till I jumped'up to take a slice, when, oh, horror ! a litttle six year old imp had crawled behind ine and pulled my shirt through the hole in the pants ami pinned it to the chair, so when I jumped up I displayed to the astonish ed multitude a trifle more white raus lin than was pleasant. The women giggled, the men roared, and I got mad, but was finally put to bed, and so ended my troubles. Goodnight. Not a Marrying Man. A year or two before his death Ar temns Ward visited the Mormons at Salt Lake City. On his return he wrote a book giving an account of what he saw and heard, in which among other thing he tells of the nar row escape he made from being mar ried to seventeen young widows, as follows: I regret to say that efforts were made to make a mormon of me while I was in Utah! It was leap year when I was there, and seventeen young widows, the wives of a deceased Monnan, offered me their heart and hand. I called upon them one day, and taking their soft, white hands in mine, (eighteen hands together,) I found them in tears. And I said, “Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness ? ” They hove a sigh, seventeen sighs of different size. They said : “Oh ! soon thou will be gonested away.” I told them when I got ready to leave a place I wentest. They say “ Doth not liKe us? ” I said, “ I doth, I doth.” I also said, “ I hope your intention are honorable, as I am a lone child; my parents lining for, far away,” They then said, “Wilt thou not marry us? ” I said, “ Oh, no, it cannot was.” Again they asked me to marry them and again I declined, when they cried! “Oh ! cruel man ! this is too much, oh! too much I told them that it was on account of the muchness that I declined. Sqre Eyes. —The following receipt for the cure of inflamed eyes |s given* “Take a potato, and after quartering grate the heart as tine as possible, and place the gratings betwen pieces of cambric muslin. Place the poultice over the eyes inflamed, and keep it there fifteen minutes. Continue the eperation three successive nights and a perfect cure ensues.” It is worth trying by tho§e afflicted with sore eyes. —— — •«», <■. 3*3?* The Star says Upson county is out of debt, and has two tflousaud dollars in her treasury. Business Law. It is not legally necessary to say on a note 4t for value received.” A note on Sunday is void. A note obtained by fraud, or from a person in a state of intoxication, can not be collectd. If a note be lost or stolen, it does not release the maker; he must pay it, if the consideration tor which it was given, and the amount, can be proven. An endorser of a note is exempt from liability it not served with notice of dishonor within twenty-four hours of its non payment. A note by a minor is void. Notes bear interest only when so stated. Principals are responsible for the acts of their agents. Each individual in a partnership is responsible for the whole amount ol the debts of the firm. Iguorance of the law excuses no one. It is fraud to conceal a fraud. The law cempels no one to do im possibilities. All agreement without considera tion is void. Signatures made with a lead pencil are goon iu law A receipt for money paid is not le gaily conclusive. The acts of one partner bind all the others. Contracts made on Sunday cannot be enforced. A contract made with a minor is void. A contract made with a lunatic is void. Chicago Greed.— The report of the Commissions on purchasing the land for the new Government building in Chicago is not very favorably re ceived in Washington, The aggre gate price asked by the ten or twelve owners for the remainder of thesqiaare on which the burned post office stood is $2,119,000, or considerably more than half of the entire appropriation for the land and proposed buildiug. Avery few of the offers are at fair and reasonable fiigures; others are at one hundred per cent, advance above the average values before the lire. The prospect now is that, in view of the ex orbitant demands of these property ow ners, the site of the Federal building in Chicago will be in someone of the twenty-four squad’s next adjacent to that lately occupied by the post office, as w r as authorized by the appropria tion bill. Homely Girls. How did that homely woman con trive to get married/ is not unfre quently remarked of some good do mestic creature whom her husbaud re gards as the apple of his eyes, and in whose plain face he sees something better than beauty, Pretty girls who are vain of their charms are rather prone to make observations of this kind; and conscious of the fact that flowers of loveliness are often left to pine on the stem, while weeds of homeliness go off readily, is no doubt in many cases the bottom of the sneer ing question. The truth is, that most men prefer homliness and amiability to beauty and caprice, Handsome women are sometimes very hard to please. They are apt to overvalue themselves, and in waiting for an im mense bid occasionally overstep the market. Their plain sisters on the contrary, aware of their personal de ficiencies, generally lay themselves out to produce an agreeable impression, and in most instances, succeeded. They don’t aspire to capture paragons with princely fortunes, but are willing to take anything respectable. Georgia Western Railroad En gineeks;—=Tlie talented and energetic Corps of' young engineers, all from Atlanta, employed by Maj. Campbell Wallace to make a preliminary survey of the projected road in August last, will soon be reorganized to commence the location survey. Maj. Wallace, in his address before the Chamber of Commerce, paid the Corps, a deserved compliment in saying they had faith fully, expeditiously aud economically completed the survey iu tfre most sat isfactory manner. The corps con sisting of Capt. Johu A- Grant, R. Peters, Jr., C, S, Solomon, J. D. Pat terson and A- Cassin, w*ill commence the locatien survey early iu February. —Atlanta Sun, V&* Thro* negroes were killed last week, by the caving in of an embank ment on the new grade of the Air Line road near, Gainesville, ■ «•» Qne Oregon editor alludes to the purchase of a mule by a brother Journalist as a remarkable case ol seif possession. —r= Come up and subscribe for the Time*. North & South Railroad, We published last week a letter from Col. MeDougald, President of the North Jc South Road, stating that the survey would be commenced zrom La- Grange to Franklin, as soon as the survey subscription for this county was deposited withF. A. Frost, bauk er in LaGrange. Col. Chiplev, Sec retary and Treasurer of the Road, has written to Judge W. I. Mozely,of this place, in which he states that the sur vey will certainly start to this placet so soon as the money is deposited as above stated. He assures J udge Moz ley that notone dollar of the money shall be used until the survey reaches the Heard line, but the money must be placed where it can be used when needed. This is nothing but right, and we hope those who have subscribed to the sur vey will turn over the amount to Judge Mozley, who will transfer it to Mr. Frost. Let there be no more delays in this matter, and we will have the cars to Franklin by next Christmns. Things are working right now—let us keep the ball iu motiou.— Heard Coun ty 2fexcs. The Young Widow. A census taker, going his round, stopped at an elegant brick dwelling house, the exact locality of which is no business of ours. He was received by a well-dressed lady who could well be recognized as a widow of some years’ standing. On learning the mission of her vis itor, the lady invited him to take a seat in the hall. Having arranged himself into a working position, he enquired for the number of persons in the family of the lady. “Eight sir,” replied the lady, “in cluding myself." “Very well—your age, madam?” “My age, sir,” replied the lady, with a piercing dignified look. I conceive its none of your business what my age might be ;you are inquisitive, sir.’ “ The law compels me, madam, to lake the age of every person in the ward. Its my duty to make the in quiry.” “ Well, if the law compels you to ask, I presume it compels me to an swer. lam between thirty and forty. “ I presume that means thirty-five? ” “ No, sir, I mean no such thing—l am only thirty-three years of age.” “Very well madam,” putting the figures, just as you say. “Now for the ages ot the children commencing with the youngest if you please.” “Josephine, my youngest, is ten years of age.” “Josephine—pretty name—ten.” “Minerva was twelve last week.” “Minerva—captivating—twelve.” “Cleopatra Elvira has just turned fifteen.” “Cleopatra Elvira^—charming—fif teen.” “Angelina is eighteen, sir; just eighteen.” “My eldest an only married daugh ter, sir, Anna S' phia, is a over twenty-five.” “ Twenty five, did you say ? ” “Yes, sir. Is there anything re markable in her being of that age? ” “ Well, no, I can’t say that there is bnt is it not remarkable that you should be her mother when you were only eight years of age f ” About that time the census taker was observed running out of the house —why, we cannot say. It was the last lime he pressed a lady to give her exact age. “Flippity Floppity.” A Country girl once went to the city to pay a visit to one of her old and best friends; this friend was married to a rich city merchant, and was a leader of sash ion. In city etiquette, of course, the visitor was verdane, and made nu merous mistakes. Her triend wished to initiate her fully into the “myster ies ’ and as they were going to a large ball, gave her the following inductions, viz: Eat only one small cake and one saucer of icecream; and when your attendent presses you to take more, answer that you have masticated a sufficiency, and more would be a su perfluity, Things went on smoothly until her attendant asked her to par take ot more refreshments, when, to the horror ot her friends and amusement of the company, she answered, in a loud voice, “I have evaporated insuf ficiently; any more would go flippity, floppity.” * A little boy having broken his rock ing horse the day it was bought, his mama began to scold, when he silenced her by inquiring, “.What is the good of a horse till it’s broke. ——»«t>» “My son,” said an old lady, ‘ how must Jonah have felt when the whale swallowed him?” “A little down in the mouth” I suppose," was the prompt response. Puzzling A Doctor. Mr. M, ail army surgeon, was very f)hd of a joke (unles perpetrated at his own expense,} and had, moreover, a great contempt for citizen officers who were renowned more for their courage than their scholarship. One day, at mess, after the decanter had perform ed sundry perambulations of the table, Captain S., a brave and accomplished officer, and a great wag, remarked to tbe doctor, who had been somewhat severe in his remarks ou the literary deficiencies of some of the new offi cer: ‘Dr. M., are yon acquainted with Captain G.?’ * ‘Yes, I know' him well,’ replied the doctor; he is one of the new set. But what of him?’ ‘Nothing in particular. I have just received a letter from him, and I will wager you a dozen of old port that you cannot guess in six guesses how he spells cat?’ ‘Done! it's a wager.’ ‘NYell, commence guessing,’ said S. ‘K, a, double t.’ ‘No.’ ‘K, a, doubl t, e.' ‘No.’ ‘K. a, t, e.’ ‘No! try again.* *C, a, double t, e.’ ‘Well, then,’ returned the doctor, C, a, double t,’ ‘No, that’s not the way; try again— it’s your last guess.’ *€, a, g, h, t.’ ‘No, that's not the way; youv’e lost your wager,’ said S. ‘Well,’ said the doctor, with muck petulance of manner, ‘how does he spell it?’ ‘Why, he spells it c, a, t,’ replied S., with the utmost gravity of manner amid the roar of the mess, and almost choking with rage the doctor sprang to his feet, exclaiming— ‘Captain S., I'm too old a man to be trifled with in this manner!’ Sense and Nonsense. Man’s greatest eneinv is the wine glass; woman’s the looking glass. Foi the first time in sixteen veal's there is not a Washburn in Congress. When is an original idea like a clock?—When it stikeg one. A young woman was sent to a New Jersey jail a day or two ago for drunk ness. Once she was the belle of New Haven, Connecticut; Hope haz made a great menny blunders; but there iz one thing about her that I alwus did like, she means well. The Church of England begs the \\ esleyans to come in and warm it : but the latter are afraid of “taking cold."— Christian Leader. A boy who undertook to ride a horseradish is now practicing on a saddle of mutton. Stranger (meeting a boy,) “where can I get a shave?'’ “Just around the corner, sir, 14th National Bank. Shave you and cut your eye teeth too.” A gentleman took a lady out to rido the other evening, and came homo with a false curl attached to his cap. He wonders how it got there. “Sir" said a blustering little man to his religious opponent. “I say, sir, *to w hat sect do you think I belong?’* “\\ ell, I don’t exactly know,” replied the other: “but to judge from your make, size and appearance, I should say you belonged to a class called the insect" A countryman walking along the streets of a town found his progress stopped by a close barricade of timber. “What is that for ?” he said to a person in the street. Oh, that’s for to stop the cholera " “Ah, I have often heard of the board of health, bat I never s»w one before.” An Illinois paper edited by M, Steel, says s “A printer last week pro posed to go into partnership with us. His name was Doolittle. The firm name would sound very bad, either way you put it-^Steel” & Dooliitle, or Doolittle & Steel. We can’t join One of us would go to the poor-house and the other to the pententiary. A Plantation N f.guo’s Prescription, —*A gentleman in Alabama, in exert ing himself one day felt a sudden pain, and fearing his internal machinery had been thrown out of order, sent for a negro of his plantation, who made some pretentions to medical skill, to prescribe for him. The negro, having investigated the cause, prepared and administered a dose to his patient with the utmost confidence of a speedy cure, No relief being experienced, however, the gentleman sent for a physician, who, on arriving, inquired of the negro what medicine lie had given his master. Bob promptly an swered: “Rosin and alum, aah. “What did you give them for?" con tinued the doctor. “Why," replied Boh, “de alum to draw de parts togeddef, and rosin to sodder ura.” v Tim pitv'ot eventually recovered. NO. 4.