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Snaks and Babies,
From Josh Bilug’s ‘mmci Box.
STWI'EI) SNARL.
Flic, striped snake iz one ov toe
siippcryesl jobs that nature ever turn
ed loose.
They travel on the lower side ov
themself#, and kail slip out ov sight
like blowing out a handle. They were*
made for sunn* good purpose, but ,
never hav been informed for- wliat
unlcss it waz tew hav their beds smash
ed.
They are sod tew be innocent, but
they hav got a bad reputashum, and
all the innocence in the world won’t
knre a bad reputashum.
They liv in the grass but seldom
git slept on, bekause they don’t stay
long enufi'in the right place.
A\ lien i waz a little lx>y and wore
naked feet, and waz loafing around
loose lor strawßerrys* i waz oftentimes
just a goint to step on a striped snaik
but it anvils cured me ov strawbor
rys.
It as triped snaik got into alO akre
lot bed ore i did, i koiisidercd that all
the strawberrys in that lot belonged
tew the snaik.
“Fust cum, fust sarve,” was mi mot
to.
I’m just az afraid of snaiks now a2 i
waz GO years ago, and if i should liv
tew be az old az Nebudkennezer waz,
and go to grass as he did, one striped
snaik would spile GO akers ov good
pasture for me.
\Y immin don’t luv snaiks enny more
than i do, and i respekt her tor this.
How on earth Eve waz seduced by
a snaik iz a fust-class mistery tew me,
and if i hadn’t read it in the Bible i
would bet against it.
I beleave evertliing there iz in the
Bible, the things I kant understand i
beleave tlie most.
I wouldn’t swop oph the phaith i
hav got for any living man’s knowl
edge.
Snaiks are ov all sorts and all sizes,
and the smaller they are the more i
am afrade ov them.
I wouldn’t buy a farm at half price
that had a striped snaik on it.
Ded snaiks are a weakness with me.
i always respekt them, and whenever
i see a ded one in the road, i don’t
drop a tear on him, but i drop anoth
er stone on him for fear ho might al
ter his mid and cum tew life again,
for a snaik hates tew die just as bad
as a kat duz.
I never could ackount for a snaik
or a kat liateing tew die so bad, un
less it wa2 bekause thn waz so poorly
prepared for- deth,
r.ARYS.
Babys i luv with all mi heart; they
arc my sweetmeats; they warm up mi
blood like a gin sling; tha krawl into
me and nestle by the side of my soul
like a kitten under a cook stove.
I hav raised babys miself, and kno
what I am talking about.
1 hav got grandchildren, and tha
are wus than the fust krop tew riot
among the feelings.
if i could hav my w T ay, i would
change all the human beings now on
the face ov the earth back into babys
at once, and keep them there, and
make this footstool one grand nusscry
but what I should do for wet misses i
don’t kno, and don’t care.
I would like tew hav 1G babys now
on mi lap, and mi lap ain’t the hand
vest in the world for babys, neither.
Mv lap iz enuff, but not the w idest
kind uv a lap.
I am.a good dealt ova man, .but i
konsist ov length principally, and
w hen i make a lap ov miself, it is not
a mattress, but more like a couple ov
rails with jint in them.
I can hold more babys in my lap at
once then any man in Amcrika with
out spilling one, but it hurts the ba
by s.
I never saw a baby in mi life that i
didn t want tew kiss; i am wus than
an old maid in this respekt.
I hav seen babys that i hav refused
iew kiss untill they had been waslit;
but the baby want tew blame for this:
neither waz i.
i hare are folks in this world who
; : ay they don t luv babys, but von kan
depend upon it, when they waz babys
sumboddy loved them.
Babys luv me too. I kan take
them out ov his nest. They luv me,
bekause i luv them.
And here let me say, for the comfort
and consolashum ov all mothers, that
whenever they see nu* on the cars or
on the steamboat, out ova job, they
needn t hesitate a uiinnit tew drop a
clean, fat baby into mv lap; i will'takc
it. and kiss it, and be thankful be
sides.
Perhaps there iz people who will j
call it a weakness*, i don’t care what
they call it, bring on tho babys.
I nkle Josh haz always a kind word i
and a kiss for'the babvs.
I luv babys for the truth thare iz in
them, i uin t afraid there kiss will be
ll a\ me, tlioii iz no frauds, ded beats
nor counterfits among them.
I wish i was a baby (not only once
more.) but forevermore.
Jo si i, Bili ;ncs.
—*
Why is a poor doctor like a
moV? Because you can Hack him by
hi3 noles in the ground.
BQT Josh Billings says : “ All you
have to do to raise oats is to plow the
land deep, then manure it well, then
sprinkle the oats all over the ground,
one in a place, then worry up the
ground with a drag all over, then
set up nib s to keep the chickens and
woodchucks out ov them, then kradio
Ihgn rake together with akradle, then
rake them together with 'a rake, then
bind them together with a baud,
then stack them up with a stick,
then thrash them out with flail, then
clean them up witlf a mill, then shar
pen both ends of them with a knife,
then stow them away in the granary,
then spend wet days and Sundays
trapping for rats and mice. It ain’t
nothing but plum to raise oats—try it.
I *. A foppish passenger on a Mis
sissippi boat, who “just for fun, jump
ed on shore at a landing and
drawing a bowie knife, rushed up to a
gawky-looking fellow at a wood pile
exclaimed : “ I have found you at
j last—you are the man I’ve been look
ing for ” The gawky looked at him
for half a second, then straightened
out his arm like a jibboon and knocked
the fop overboard into ten feet water.
Resuming his position against the
J woodpile, he drawled out : “ Is there
anybody else on the boat looking for
me?”
iEE There is a young lady inPhila
| delpliia, who whenever she feels like
| enjoying a joke, drops her bonnet and
| shawl on Fainnount bridge, and then
1 stays away fronf her friends fora week
i or so.
A Louisville German, quietly sip
ping liis beer and playing “sixty six,
pi a saloon, is informed by an excited
compatriot rushing in, that his horse
had run away. “Ah! Yy don’t you
sclitop him up a leedle?” Being told
that distance prevented, he turns to
his partner: “Come, Shake, hurry up
and blay dish game out. If dathorse
git schavsh up my wife gif me Hail
Golumbus, aint it?”
ZztT A spirited girls observes that
to her mind the women who want fe
male suffrage because it will cause di
visions in families must be a precious
meek lot. A woman of any pluck can
pick a quarrel with her husband with
out waiting to spljt on votes.
A great mistake with 4many
farmers is, that they sell or cat their
early chickens, and save late broods
to breed from. Those do not got
their growth before winter sets in
and the result is, that the next spring
they have undersized fowls as breed
* i
ers. This being continued from
year to year, is it any wonder that
breeds run out. Farmers and others
who raise poultry should save their
early chickens, and select the best to
breed from changing eggs occasional
]y with those of their neigh! ors who
take the same pains as themselves.—
In this way instead of having their
fowls “run out,” they would improve.
A little attention in this direction will
pay the breeders of fowls, as I know
by experience.
Fon Eounokk in Houses.—Found
up a piece of alum as large as
egg ; divide it into three parts; wrap
one of these around the bit, and let
your horse wear it in his mouth live
or six hours ; or until the alum is all
used by the horse in this way, which
which generally requires twelve or
fifteen hours. Use your horse mod
crately the next day. It makes no
difference how badly a horse may be j
foundered, if taken in time he will he j
perfectly well in from thirty six to I
forty eight hours.
IiKWROY l Olt CV.UKi'.KO-Sl’IN AL Ml'.X
ixgtxis. —M e learn there h:\ve been
several very severe cases of this much
to be dreaded and fatal disease recent
ly in Dr. T. W. Sims’ practice. One,
a negro girl, was taken while in the
field at I sham Weaver's a few days
since, and carried home insensible.—
The Doctor being sent for at once,
found her neck and shoulders as stiff
as a board. Haying used all the
usual remedies for twenty four hours,
tlie patient continued to grow worse,
until she was almost in a state of col
lapse ; then, as a last resort, the Doc
tor applied a red-hot iron to the back
of the head and down the spine, till
the skin was well charred, and in ten
minutes the symptons all passed off;
aiul she is now well, except the effects
of the burn —Covington Enterprise■
WEIGHTS AND MEASTKEG
BUSHELS. r.BS.
Wheat...,. GO
Shelled Corn.... 5G
Corn in ear 70
Peas GO
Hye 50
Oats 32
Barley 4S
Irish Potatoes GO
Sweet Potatoes GO
White Beans GO
Castor Beans 43
Clover Seed - g(p
Timothy Seed 4g
Flax Seed ! ! ’.! ] 56
Hemp Seed 44
Blue Grass Seed 14
Buck Wheat 32
Dried Peaches.. 40
Dried Apples 2i
Onions 50.
Salt 50
Stone Coal v ... 80
Malt 38
Bran....* 20
Turnips 5S
Plastering Hair 8
L nslacked Lime - 80
The’Campaign Opened!
Sharp Times *lhead!
• ,
The Presidential campaign for
1872, will, no doubt, be, one of
the most exciting, ever held in this
country, and in order to place our
paper in tlie hands of every
.W.AV
in Carroll County, we have de
termined to offer the
from now till tlie close of the
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Always in Advance.
Ci 4 'STfe Kl> 'a /? < ts£ Twr iy\ r ia«r mtr*(
yA IS I&OEI -a ftmJ hjl \ IT ME t&
[s the official organ of Carroll
county, and in .Polities is
and will therefore in the coming
campaign, advocate the principles
and interests of that, party. We
shall endeavor to snake the TIMES
an acceptable paper in the Home
circle by publishing weekly, inter"
csfing miscellany <Sk. c ,
*
we would say, that we expect to
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valuable clippings from our agri
cultural exchanges.
m
bl 1 © ihe.Susliiesg Man
The TIM.ES offers an-excellent
medium for advertising, <*s its cir-.
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TANARUS& Otfj* J Fr ien ds
Every w here we would commend
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Publishers.
PROSPECTUS FOR 1872.
FIFTH YEAR.
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NEW FEATURES FOR 1572.
ART DF.PA KTiIKXT.
The enthusiastic support so readily accord
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introduced, has convinced the publishers of
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that the American public would recognize
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wo; Id.
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To anticepate such misgivings, it is only nee
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will contain nearly 300 pages and about 200
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HENRY GOLDEN. )son Sui>e’ior
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J. S. McEhvreath, Att’y for Libelant.
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Grefn B. Jkxkixs C. S. C.
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Ladies fancy Work department.- Some T
the designs in this department are printed in
color?, in a style unequalled.
Iu ad it ion to all the übove attraction*
there will be published, monthly, a dnnK
page engraving, the general title of whit a
will be Mrs. Lolipops’ Party. We prnn>
these sketches (outline in their character) ta
be superior to any of the kind heretofore
published..
TERMS.
One copy, one year fJOi
Two copies, one rear fi’pn
Three copies, one year 7 jq
Four copies, one year . lot 11
Five copies, one year, and an extra eo»>v j.»
the jierson getting up the club, making J x
copies. Uot)
Eight copies, one year, and an extra 1 v
to the person getting up ti.e club, inaS.:i
nine copies. 21 (Hi "
Kleven copies, one veaj, and an extra r.-v
to the person getting up the club, mak U
twelve copies. 27 i>o
To accommodate our subscribers. we ui’J
club with Author's Home Magazine andCU;
cren's Hour at the following price.-;
The receipt of {4, 00 will j»ay lor Coder's
Lady’s Bock and Author's Home M.’gazine
for one year.
Five dollars will pay fdf Body's Lni'ys
Book, Author’* Home Magazine* and C] ; ...
dren’s Hour for one year.
The money must all be sent nt me
time/or any of the clubs and additions mav
be made to clubs at club rates.
Ek#* Canada subscribers must send 24
cents additional for every subscription to the
Lady’s Book and 12 cent? for e :i 'or of tin?
other maguziue?, to pay the An riea ivst
age. 1 low to Remit. In remitting hy n..i .
a Post office Order on Pliiludelphia, or a Draft
on Philadelphia, or New York, payable to
the order of L. A. Gody, is pref.irable to bank
notes. If a Draft or a Pout-Office Order car ■
not be procured, send United Cstutacs or Na
tional Bank notes.
Address L. A*GODY,
n. f. Cort’cr Sixth and Chestnut Stn- s
Philadelphia.
A PAILY PAPER IN UR.FFIN
Prospectus
OF THE
mm DAILY JVEWS.
Having, by experience abroad, Lecnne
fully satisfied that Griffin is as good a plac:
to live and make a living in as any in (h' n
gia. 1 have made up toy mind to return, ami
, on the Kith day of Januarj', commence tL
puldication of fi live morning par>er, to be
called
THE GRIFFIN DAILY NFS .
The puper will !>e published in the interr t
of no party, clique, faction or r : ng. or in
the interest of any individual except myself.
It will be independent in politics—advo
cating only the right as it is given to.mo ic
understand what is right.
The purpose of the paper will be so give
7 HE NEWS— true news—news at honv
and from abroad—commercial, general un i
political news, all prepared in such a nv fitter
as to give the most of it iu live most ;. L;
ble shape
People who want fc patromze such a pa
per as this, are invited to come up wim
their subscriptions and advertisements. Ti
News will be printed on good, dear t; p •
at five dollars j»er annum for the daily, ami
one dollar and fifty ceuts per annum Dr m
weekly. A. M. Spriours.
SERI UNIT'S MOMMA.
An Illustrated Magazine, Edited A
J. G. HOLLAND,
Author of “ Bitter-Sweet/’ “ Xatliriitf
» “ Timothy Titcomb's Letter,” Ac.
This magazine, which has risen so rap. 1.
in popular favor, has now been
GREA TL Y ENLARGED,
and will be still farther improved during t!..
coming year.
Arrangements have been perfected to se
cure the best Illustrations, and Ike mot in !
nent contributions on both sides of the A"
kin tie. Scribner for 1872 will be insarpa--'-
ed m literary as well as artistic excellence by
any periodical us its class in the worM.
The January A’umber will beespecially
tractive,and will l>e worthy of preservative
as an excellence of American art. A sth
of Papers by Mr. Gladstone, Prune '
: ter of England, will shortly appear:
j an able discussion of the Aational Bai.L
--: System of this country; a icw Stcry
i Mrs. Olimpliant is promised, <fcc..
i every number will be rich in shorter J'® l '
j Illustrated ‘ ylrticlea of popular Sc -
Poems, Esays Editorials and reviews,
T’he subscription price is SI,OO per } ■■■•
! payable in advance. ._ 5
*• To pnable all parties to commence s
the series, which we are sure will be worth.'
; of careful preservation, we will send to s> : .
dealer or new subscriber, the 12 numbers -
Volumes 1. and 2 for SI.OO, or the 14 num
bers prior to Jan. 1872, for one dollar sr. l
half. The whole will contain more >•
Three Thousand Pages, more than 1 ive } l - ,
efred Brilliantly Written articles, and Ac/- ’
One Hundred completed Stories, dak* /
Adventure, Wit and Humor, Poems *>
: combining with these the ablest cd-t' r - a f
and the most beautiful illustrations, sen'.-' l *
them said by the critics to be fuby e ( l a:
the work of Gustave Dore. .
The cheapest, choicest and most charge
gift books for the family. , y
A Whole Library in Itself for H’A
$5 y 2 . We quote, as fairly represertLr
the general sentiment of the
press in regard to the Monthly, the
ing from the Buffalo Commercial
Monthly is a splendid
It has taken its place in the front n ’ ! "V )f ’
the periodicals of the world. In the Lj
of its typographical appearance, the l lo ''
tion of its illustrations, the variety 11 L’
reading matter, and the vigor of its edi fCll ‘j t
and in general good and moral infinercL
is a publication of which America .
proud.” Remit in Checks or P. 0. B * u
orders. For sale by all dealers.
Scribner Sr CO \ «
0.74 Broadway >•