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asm:m&7i?srA |« puhliah. H ese.v fp U R S l) A 1 M J .1 HI N Ss In 1. .rt«rv*lilr. t! *•• S f4nn»«iol 11. KIJITOK arid FKUi'KIKTGIi. of ny hree morit*i«. Oa.- e»t »y * u ■>oo ,b - a* •»* Q*t c»t<y t** T ■ •* (Irtrariibl'j in adrmre ) H* W.nla, BO»erti«in* wUI t»« ri.i W''4 ° ' } '"p centract* Uth tr tegi-MH kneii.es i ti*** • -T. * . . ... a . r-f rt. their re-.n' ii all a.lv'rt’se.senl. .»»t « » '■' l ' -i PROFESSION IJ ABUS. JOH H W. WJJIFORtf, 4ffomt*y at I.aw, r,R*»«n. opptoe over curry's store, Oct. 17. ISPB. R. W. MUKPBEY, attorney at law, ('artrrnve. <*.». II.L yr»€tle»i« thf N Oourli n! C*'- ¥ e«tt. t*.rticular s-ten'ion irinil <• ll<-niofi »J OSi' - f Wt*h lot. AM* JoVnnot:. Oc>. 1 Eff. E. U. JOHNSON, Bentist, l ASPECT fCULT »r**-» ill-Fr.)f<»*4 n<t *1 .srsitei tu tfl* c i'imh *f OsrKmv'll* yy »4 rifiiuitv. 4*l* ■> -tore.l to <So m rk •*!I SB lie Bu<i must ; j>)jr«vr<l si v f. T rth w'lhjut Er nf nSfc-** 1 * 9mr.] *V rk »!l »r«rr«r.l»-1. OT. -e t>*-r **i,krli-y's Uir.CASTKIthVILLR ti* Irh. t» 1656.--ws.ti JERE A. HOWARD, ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW. CaRTEKSVJLLE. «a. JOHN J. JONES, Attorney at Law, Cartemille, Ga„ •tteud promptly to all busi \\ trusted to it** rar*. Will pract’C* in the (’•mta o: Law, and Equity •11 tins Cherokre t ’irruit. Special attention given to the collec* ti of claims. J«n. 1. ! 466. Iv JOHN J. JONES, DEAL ESTATE AGEXT, CARTERSViLLE. GA. Ira c«tH«rtse<f to •<?!!, And have on hand several t*4 4<»tr ai«4 mlso i>u I'Jinv lots it» t*i * (»«• , ( o»rter*fh.*-. pUutnii /O® of xnri Mtii N U Jltrlaw coui.ty. dtmlriiig so boy or i f ij «i |Jj ir«l|t» *v <» »uo » CJill. All CO?am nTCutiofi ).>«ya t Ujr tM««red. July 17, lbtfG. BLANCH & nODD, i T T O KN K Y S AT LA W, 'YDARTOWX, POLk COUNTY, GA. WIU practice law in the several Cos irU comprising the Ta lapooaa Circuit ; slso, Bartow an.l Floyd (bounties. P»rtic i iar attention given to the collection ot claims. jan 12, iy nr*. oox» J- h. wielf. Coxe Ac Wikle, AT rtHNEYS AT LAW, AND NOTARIES PUBLIC. tlajUrirlilr, Georgia. J« *. <OX, COMMISSIONER OF DEEDS FOR SOUTH CAROLINA, ••>. 9tk jBi»S lyr. « ? A. II nvrXTfItTLE, I ’ S artier rind ITalth aut! # <:h»eli ilrpalrcr, u tk r *l of K. K. Skinner & Co’* (tor* ,**, a. rill*, ian. 25 MILNER, Attorney at Law, AND NOTARY PU3LIC. CARTERSVILLE. GEORGIA. Wffi T »*.«tio9 lr. th« Courts of the Cb.-roVce snd ad j,l-i , Oirenlta, ftlso tha Bupreme and Dia'rict l earu. Bieuaut alleultou ijnsn to bunneas •oUUnWd ItafK I. August 21 —w ly I, C.O. Blaclcburn, ATTORNEY AT LAW fl/HAUEt. BAHTOW COUNTY. GEORGIA- K« •> .'ic«i: I’i«iu«try, promp’itaile and at- Umira march tt. Wj T W Miner, O H Milner. WJLNER & MILNER, Attorneys at Law, ?ARI- RSV'IILE GEORGIA. Vk ii * promptly to business entrusted t* tb Lr c tre. j»n. 15. ly S. 11. PATILLO, FASHIONABLE TAILOR, \arilt itu i promptly to the Cuttirg, Repair- .*• >v log and 'taking Boys’ and Me i’a Clo hine. jSRa t» «e on itie Second Ki <>r of Sfokely & WII- J 2 li jp.’ New Bri.lt Building. Entrance from-Ida g.aia gireet in rear of the building. K*bl7. WARREN AKIN, Attorney at Law, CARTi RSVILLE, GEORGIA Will practice in »!! the Courts nfthe State Commftclal Hotel, Cartersville, Ga., HBNOVAT33 AND REARRANGED AND REMODDIED. T. J. T YON S' m. TWO STORY BRT- K Rmi,T>TNh, earner »f Oenot Bquarcand Market Street. East Side ts Railroad. Rooms good and comfortable. Kurnltnre and Redding oott. Oood offle* and »ns dons r>inl"g Rnom Tables well supplied with the hest that th# market Bords, and charges moderate. The Proprietors hope, by good attention to horlness t* Kteral share of patronage. Oct. 1. ISG9. JAM’ S P. MASON, Boskbl er and Paper Baler, lAWSHE’S B U | LD , 6 ,^g^ Whitehall Street, ATLANTA „ GEORGIA. May 1, 1869 S. ( rSHIBLDS, Fashi&nabt Taior , CARTERSVILIE. BARTOW COUNTY, GEORGIA. 1 Having j st received ('harts of the latest •tyle* irf G« utlemens’ and Hoys’ Clothing, European ar,J American, announces that lit IS prepared to execute all kinds „Jtfl of woik in the Fashionable Tail <JL£. oring ine. with neatness and in »a durable style Over J. Elsas & Co's store. Carte rsvillo Biclfgj J jgh C. THOMPKINS, favorably I|£.j)fcA known as a good Workman on clocks ami watches and has removed bis place Work to liis Residence on the East Side of the Railroad, near Mr. A. Work dime on short notion.— ~i! «nwl ses. VOL. 8. Kan n r»s;j.w House. iLitCulctl at raDroiitl depot.) nil te.Wfiie l h iving I. «ogbt the entire inlrrvst ot Dix Fle’cher,'lV|,sUc lor l,ou isa 'V. Fletcher, in 'he K*n H .use, ind wib he eoudiu ted, in the tu 'tire. under the irnmo fir.ii of A ugo.tine V. F!etch»r A Preyer. Til uikful for past in- , wi ami patronage,thev will -trieeto sive the itmosl SH'iafaction tn -»If of the Keit ueaaw Hnoee. AUGUSTINE A. FLETCHER. F. L. FREYER. MARIETTA. J«n. IS. Mo K. T White, J. M. Lyket. Amerioim 110 tel, ALABAMA FTRFKT, ATLANTA, GKOMGI White & L y k e s , Proprietors. i^\Gfs^ f ;E cairied to and from Depot j five of Cu*rgt. May 11, k, U S)ie.*en, H, J iVUsoo, J. L. Caldwett, O’u. F». jll,e. THE OLD TENS. ANI> GEORGIA ! w, ©. jsasss, ATLANTA, GEORGIA, 6ABAEKN. WILSON .L OALDWGI.L, Proprietors. J. W. G. RRYSON, Clark. JOHN T. OWEN, WstrU an<t Clock Repairer, and Jeweler, CARTEHSVILLE. GA. fTT.ILL keep constant- /TA TOk f V ly on band, for sale w ell selected stock of WATCHES. CLOCKS, Gold, Silver and Steel SPECTACLES. .'J'c., Ac. Can furnish any kind of Silver Plate, extra tine 0o!d Watcbes or Jewelry, at short notice, as cheap as they can be bought in any other market. Goods cheap. Work warranted. Terms cash, aug 12, 18(i9.wly LIVERY STABLE. IR;_ ID. MOOU. CARTERS VILLE, GA., IS prepared, at all hours, to furnish con veyances into the country—saddle-horse, buggy, hack, rockaway, or wagon. Also, to board stock, fcc. nov, 3. tt, W.SATTEEF IELD, Q. V. SATTEB Mill. R W SATTERFIELD &'MQ, AT Tlie New Brick Store Flmt Deor Cast ofHallroad. CARTERSVILLE, GEORGIA . Have just received and opened an ENTIRE NEW STOCK OF ETATLE AND FANCY DRY GOODS, NOTIONS, READY MADE CLOTH ING, HATS. BOOTS, SHOES, CROCKERY HARDWARE, ANI) CUTLERY, FAMI LY GROCERIES, ETC., ETC., ETC. To which they invite the attention of Hie public generally, being satisfied flint hoy can and will sell goods as cheap, if not a lit tle Cuk.vvf.r, tha i any other house in town. The attention of the ladies is especially invited to our Stock of Summer Dress ceil Gentlemen can also be fitted up with whatever they may Want. Country produce taken in exchange for goods, at the highest market price. Having withdrawn from the late Firm of J. 11. Satterfield & Cos, I would respectfully solicit the patronage of my old friends and customers. R. W. SATTERFIELD. June 24th,—w ly. R. F. MADDOX. J L. WINTER It-. F. itl a'ld ox & Cos. TOBACCO COMMISSION MERCHANTS AGENTS FOR THE SALE OF 9~irginia and A~orth arolina TOBACCO. NO. IS, ALABAMA STREET, ATLAN TJ. Consignments solicited. Will make liber al advances when desiecd. augl,’69 W H GILBERT & GO., CARTERSVILLE, GA., Dealers la HARD WARE, IRON . STEEL, NAILS, CASTINGS, AGRICULTURAL IM PLEMENTS, and GRASS SEEDS, TEEMS FROM THIS DATE : STRICTLY CASH. Agents for sale of Threshing ami Mill Machinery. Agents for sale of Mur fee Sub Soil Plows. Agents for sale of FERTILIZERS. Dickson’s Compound; .AItsTOJR/EW COE’S, Baugh’s Raw Bone, And OTHERS. Agents for sale of Polk County HlnUxs For Roofing. CARTERSVILLE. BARTOW COUNTY, GA.. JANUARY IS. 1870. DR. JOHN BULL'S Great Bemedies SMITH'S THF, STROP! FOR THE CURE OF AGUE AND FEVER OR CHILLS AND FEVER. The proprietor of th'g celebratm j.'.'ly claim* for it a superiorly over at) rrme.tien oß'er e i to toe public lor the *n/e, certain */iee(tu ui.B per m intml cure of Ayu' and Fever .or Cl.ills ami Fever whether of short or loner statulinir. He refe.sto the entire Western and South western country to bear hltn lesii.oooy to the truth of the assertion, that in no case whatever will it fail to cure if the dtrectiorsarestrict ly followed and ca riedout. In a creat mmiy cases a single dose has been sufficient for a cure, and whole families have t een cured by a single bottle, with a per fect restoration of the general health. It Is. how-ver, prudent, and In every case more ret t tin t« cure, it its use ts cot.'lnued in smaller doses for a week or two af >er the disease has been checked, more especially in difficult and l nsr giat rl'ng cases. Usually, this medl : cine will not require any aid to keep the bowels in Iprod order; should the patient, however, require a cathartic medicine, aft-r h vtvtg t keo Ihroeorfonr loses of the Tonic, a single .lose of RULLM VKIETA BLK FAM’LY PI 1.1,8 will h e sufficiet t. UR. JOHN BI LL’S Principal Office Xo. 40 Firth, ireiffi sir net, Louisville, Ky, Bull’s Worm Destroyer. To my United States and World-wide Read ers: I 11.1VE received many testimor inis from profes a onal and medical men, as my a I manse* and vari ous public .lions have shown, all of which are genuine. Tlie following from a highly educated and popular php-icUn in Georgia, is certainty one of tlie most seri sibl*- eninutuniuatiohf I have ever received. Ur. Clem ent knows exactly what he speaks of, and his testimo ny d.servee to be written in le teis of gold. Uear what the Doctor say* of OulVh Worm De*tr yer Vilianow. Walkerco., (ia, ) June 29th, 1866 ) DR. JOHN BULL—Dear Sir:—l have recently giv en your “Worm Destroyer” several tMah, and tired it wonderfully efficacious. I', baa not failed in a single Ing.aiice, to have the wished-for effect. lam doing a pretty Urge country practice, and have daily use for some article of the kind. lam tree to C' nfess that 1 know of no remedy recommended by rite ablest author, that is so certain and speeoy in its . Beets. t>n thecon traiy they are uncertain in the extreme. My object in writing you is to hod out upon what terms 1 can get the medicine directly from you. If I can get it upon easy terms, I shall use a great deal of it. lan aware that the use of such articles Is contrary to the teachings and practice of a great tm jority of the reu ultir 1 tie of M. D.’s, but I see no just cause < r go.al sense in discarding a remedy which w e know to be el- Acient.(imply tecause wo may be ignorant ol it* com bination. For my part, I shall make it a rule to use all and at.y rce .iis to alleviate suffering hum o.ity which I may be able to command—not hesitating because seme one more ingenious than myself may have le mi ll its effects first, and secured the sole right tc secure hat know ledge. However, lamby no ra« ans anail vneate or supporter of the thousands of worthies* nos trums that flood the country, that purport to cure all manner of disease to which hum in flesh is tieir.— Please reply soon, and inform mg of your best terms. I »>«,air, most respectfully, JULIUS P. CLEMENT, M. D. Bull’s Sarsaparilla. A GOOD REASON F ft ß THE CAPTAIN’S FAITH, READ THE CAPTAIN’S LETTER AND THE LET TEKFROM HIS MOTHER. Benton Barracks. Mo., April 30, 1566. Dr. John Bull—Dear Sir: Knowing the efficiency nf your Sarsaiarfila, anil the healing and beneficial qualities it possesses, I send you the following state ment of my case: I was wounded about two years ago—was taken prisoner and confined for sixteen months. Being moved so often, my wounds have not healed yet. I have not sat. up a moment since 1 was wounded. I am shot through the hips. My general health is im paired, and I need something to assist nature. I have more faith in your Sarsaparilla than in any (bine else. I wish that that is genuine. Please express me half a dozen bottles, and oblige (’apt. C. P. JOHNSON. St. Louis, Mo. T. The following was written April B#. 186fi, by Mrs. Jennie Johnson, mother of Capt Johnson. I>R. liltLL—Dear Sir; My husband. Dr. 0. S. John son, wasa skillful surgeon and phis'cian in Central New York, where lie died, leaving the ahov- C. P. J -hnson to toy care. At thirteen yeats of age he had a chronic dlar-hoe-* and scrofula, f- r which I gave him your Sarsaparilla. IT CURED HIM. I have for ten y-ars recommended it to many in New York. Ohio, and lowa, for scrofula. feve r sores, and gener -I dehilt, tv. P-rfect success has attended it. The cures effect ed In some case* o/ wr of til'i amt fever *ores were almost miracnhvs lam very anxious for my son to again have recourse to your Sarsanorilta. He"is fear ful of getting a spurious article. h*nee his writing to you for it. His wounds were terrlb'e, but I believe he will recover. Respectfully, JENNIE JOHNSON. BULL’S CEDRON BITTERS. authentic documents. ARKANSAS HEARD FROM. Testimony of Medical Men Stony Point. White Cos., Ark., May 23,’G6. DP.. JOHN BULL— Dear Sir: Last February I wrs in Louisville purchasing Drugs, and I got some of your Sarsappanlla and Oe iron hitlers. My aon-in-law, who was with me in *ho store, has been down witty rheumatism for some time, commen ced on the Bitters, anr soon found Ills general health Dr. Hist, who has been in bad health, tried them, and he also improved. Dr. Cwffee, who has been >n had health for several rears —stomach and Urer a (Tee ted—b* Improved very muen by the use of your Bitters. Indeed the Cerfrus, Bt'tcrs has given you great Popularity in this settle ment. I think 1 could sell ft great quantity of your medicines tilts full—especially of your Cedron Bitters and Sarsaparilla. Ship me vis Memphis, care of ‘’Ti walker. All the above remedlea for sale by L. H. BRADFIELD, Druggist, WAITEHALL STREET, ATLANTA, GA fob 2©,lßo*w?ly HSLLYEK’S SELECT HVTA-1..S SCHOOL, CAH7ERS Vi!IE, GEORGIA, S'ptin? Term of this School, will open on *b e Second Monday in January next, eni' effi-jr"* bracing six Scholastic Months RATES OF TUITION Wil Be The Same As Heretofore, Viz: Firs Class, per Month “ “ $2 40 2nd “ “ “ “ “ 3 60 3rd « “ *• •• “ 5 00 U arge for Incidctktnls 50cts per Term. Tuition to be paid (Quarterly, “lya Dec. 13, 1869—ts. CARTERSVILLE ACADEMY- J. W. PRITCHETT. Principal. Miss M. P. K.INGSHERUY, Assistant. jflgv The exercises of this Institution w ill be re sunted on the 2nd MONDAY in JAN’Y next, and continue Six Scholastic mouths. The School will be what is ordinarily term ed a Mixed School —i. e., open to both sexes ; but boys and girls will be kept in separate apartments, and no communication or asso ciation allowed between them, except in the recitation room, where, it is confidently be lieved, they exert a mutually beneficial in fluence upon each other. The School will he limited to such a num ber as can be Troperly taught and managed, by two teachers; unless circumstances should render it expedient lo employ another teach er. A Music Department will, probably, be established for the benefit of the female pu pils. The terms will be substantially the same as heretofore, payable quarterly, during the first mouth in each quarter, viz: Ist Class, per month, $2.00 2nd “ “ “ 300 3rd or classical “ 4.00 Contingent fee SI.OO per session. Cartersville, Dec. 0, 1869. Of* Tlie MARIETTA FEMALE COLLEGE. REV. WM. A. ROGERS, A W3 PRESIDENT. (Late President (irifiin Female College*) TIIE SCHOLASTIC Year is divided in to Three Terms of Three Calauder Months each. The Spring Term will open Ist of Fcbrua ary, 1870. The entire expense for a boarding pupil, who takes no extra study is 210 dollars, ex clusive of books, washing and lights. X. B. —One-Third of the above charges must be paid at the beginnsng of eaeh Term: February Ist, Muy iat, Ist. A limited number of pupils can be accom modated with Doard in tlie family of the President, who resides in the College Build ing. Early application should be made by those tvlio prefer their daughters should board in College. Board may also be obtained in the best families in the city at the same moder ate rates. iach Boarding Pupil must furnish one pair of Sheets, one pair of Blankets or Comforts, one Coverlet or Spread, one pair of Pillow-cases, her own Towels, &c. REMARKS : The locality of Marietta is twenty miles above Atlanta, and direct upon Western & Atlantic Railroad, and surpasses any in Georgia, in respect to health, pure air, water, and natural scenerp. The citizens are intel ligent, refined, Christian, and, as a community, are resolved to devote their injluence, patron aye and money, to the establishme it of a. first class Female College in their midst. We solicit your patronage. Dec. 16th, 1869,—2m. Cartersville High School WILL BQ OPEN FOR THE ADMISSION OF PUPILS MALE AND FE3IALE, In /iio House now occupied by CJol. J. C. YOUNG, on the 10th of January, 1870. Pu pils will be prepared for business or college. figyStrict discipliue will be rigidly en forced, Public Examination and Exhibition at the close of the Spring Session, RATES OF TUITION. FIHisT CLASS, per month, - - $2.60. SECOND “ “ - - 8.50. THIRD « “ " - - 4.50. TUITIOUJ payable monthly, in advance. RONALD JOHNSTON, Principal. Mrs. M. K. JOHNSTON, Female Depart ment Assistant. jan 6 1870—ly. SCHOOL NOTICE. The School at Pine Log Masonic Insti tute, Bartow County, will commence on the Second Monday in January, 1870, under the charge of Kcv J. M. Brittain, A. M. The well established reputation of the above named gentleman is sufficient to in sure rapid advancement and thorough in struction of all the students under his charge Especial attention will be paid to morali ty- Board can be obtained in good families for twenty-five students at SIO.OO per month. The locality is perfectly healthy. The patronage of the public is respect fully soliciied. COURSE OF INSTRUCTION WITH RATES OF TUITION, FOR TEN MONTHS 1 SESSION: First Class —Orthography, Reading. Writing, English Grammar, Geograpy, and Arithmetic, SISOO. Second Class —English Composition. History, Book Keeping, Elementary Alge bra, Anatomy, Physiology, and Hygiene, Third Class—Natural Philossophy, As tronomy, Minerology, Geology, Botany Rhetoric, and Bourdon’s Algebra, - SBOOO. Fourth Class—Mental and Moral Science, Latin, Greek. French, and Higher Mathe matics, - - - - - $35 00 BOARD.OF TRUSTEES. A. A VINCENT, S. M. BRADFORD. WILLIAM ALLEN, W. JL KING, T. A. WORD, ABIXA JOHNSON. J. R. ADAIR, Secretary. n uiuors of the Period. W hut jioiTiotis of th t bo iv are the best travelers? The two wri.-ts.' V\ bur kind of .sweetmeats did they in the rt~k ? Pres< rrt-d pstirs. \\ hv do thieves lead «. comfortable j lifeßeen use they take things easy. One rod makes an ‘aeher,’ as the boy said u hen the sch >oiuiuster dust ! ed his buck. In a thumler-storm, always got in to a railroad truiu that has a good conductor. Why should a wood cutter never b<* hungry ? Because he can always have a chop by axing. It has been asked, ‘When rain fnlU., does it ever get up ? Os course it does ! in dew time. Does the man who weighs his words* | use scales? If you ‘cut’an acquaint- j auce, are you liable for an assault? Wby does the new moon resemble ft gkidy youth ? Becau o its too young to give much reflection. The saying that there is more pleas ure in giving than receiving, is suppos ed to apply chiefly to kicks, medicine and advice. A bachelor seeing the words ‘h’ami iHes Supplied,’ over the door of a shop, stepped in and said ho would take a wife and two children. Tombstones are but marks on the road to show ue where the mortal and immortal parted company. A young man says that he cured palpitation of the heart by the appli cation of another palpitating heait to the part aflected. ‘I can marry tiny girl I please,’ said a young fellow, boastingly. ‘Very true,’ replied his waggish ccmpaniou—‘for you can’t please any.’ ‘Have you ever broken a horse ?’ in qu real a horse jockey. ,No, not exact ly,’replied Simmons,‘but I have bro ken ih.ee or four wagons/ A young man in Cleveland announ ces as his ‘mission/ to marry tlie wid ow' Vandeibilt, when the Commodore passes his chips. A humorist at De-s Moines put a litter of pups into a neighbors well, and it wasn’t discovered until the fam ily began to bark. Lawyers must sleep move comforta bly than people in general; it is imma terial on which side they lie. I iitiT.vßLE Schoolmaster.—‘.Now, then, stupid, what’s that next word ? what ccmes after cheese? Dull boy: ‘A mouse , sir.’ Spurgeon’s nose has become a mat ter of London newspaper comment. — It is as much red as his sermons. ‘Jake, lend me ten dollars till I sell mj ulog*. JalkO OOoiUikljjly sympathetically, ‘O, Jim, I wouldn’t sell him.’ Fauiiy Fern having said that ‘men of the present day are last/ Prentice replies that ‘they have to be, to catch the women.’ The following appears in a daily pa per: ‘Wanted—girls for cooking.’ Have we a cunniubai among us ? At a recent railway festival the fol lowing striking sentiment was given: “Our ‘mothers’—The only faithful ‘tenders’ who never misplaced a ‘switch.’ Not having heard from the debating societies, in relation to the conundrum, ‘Why do hens always lay eggs in the day time ? a cotemporary answers, Because at uight they are roosUrs.’ Boswell complained to Johnson that the noise of the company the day be fore made his head ache. ‘No, sir, it was not the noise that made your head ache; it was the sense we put in it,’ said Johnson. “Has sense that effect upon the head ?” inquired Boswell. ‘Yes sir,’ was the reply, ‘on heads that are not use to it.’ ‘What death would you prefer to die said a person to another. ‘I don’t exactly know. I should like to try seven or eight before deciding the point.’ During an examination, a medical student being asked: ‘When does mortification ensue ?’ re plied : ‘When you pop the question, and are answered no.’ ‘Wouldn’t you call this the calf of a leg?’ asked Bob, pointing to one of his nether limbs, “No,” replied Pat—‘l should call it the leg of a calf.’ —Why is the letter It very unfortu nate ? Because it is always in trouble, wretchedness and misery, is the begin ning cf riot and ruin, and is never found in peace, innocence, or love. A verdant Cape Codder, upon see ing a locomotive, for the first time, threw up his hands exclaiming, ‘By thunder, what a darned great stove!’ Josh Billings say3: ‘I dou t believe in bad luck bein sot for a man like a trap; but I have known lots of folks who, if there was any first rate bad luck lying around loose, would be sure to get oue foot into it enuyhow.’ Forty-seven men who were drawn as jurors for one county of Georgia, were excused from service on account of having young babies at home, and j the court was adjourned until the ba- i by season was over. ‘Sauuny, run to the store and get some sugar.’ ‘Excuse me, ma — l’m somewhat in disposed, ;his morning. Send father, and tell him to bring a paper of tobac i co along.’ j . man being asked, as he lay sun ning lihuself on the grass, what was t Ln U knight of his ambition, replied, i ro ruarry a rich widow with a verv bad cough.’ Ara ser «f poultry, in Loa-iana, has and ig a well at the entn nee of his hen hot-a,. and j laced a tilting cover on iv. Ilia catch uveiagts one darkev a night. | A lady who wns very modest and submissive before marriage, was ob : -served by her friend to use her t mgue pretty fre« ly after. ‘There was a time when I almost imagined she had n me/ | ‘Yes, said her husband, ‘but it is very ; louy since/ •Wlnat does the minister say ah )it our new cemetery, ’ asked Mr. Hin -s. ‘He don’t like it at all; he says he won’t be buried there as long as he lives.’ ‘Well/ said Hines, ‘if the Lord spares my life, 1 will’ An apothecary’h boy was lately sent to leave at one house a box of pills, and at another six live fowte. Con fust and on the way, he 1. ft the pills where the fowls should lmvo gone, and the fowl s at the pill place. The folks who re ceived the fowls were astonished at reading the accompanying direction: ‘Swallow one every two hours.’ FcuiitileaUlicH of the Bay. London has one hundred thousand bad women. A cramped waist betokens brains in a similar condition. An old maid of our village says mar riage is like .ny other disease —while there’s life there’s hope. Never ask a woman, who is over twenty -five, her age. It is impertinence treadmg on tue garments of indelicacy. Why are ladies extavagant in clothes? Because when they buy a new dress they generally wear it out the firs t day'. Anna Dickinson says she will be an M. C., within ten years. The query is propounded: Does that stand for the Mother of Children. A girl must certainly be getting in to the lumber business when she pines for a spruce young man ol whom she thinks a great deal. - The complexion of a girl of the peri od differs from the railway season tick et —the one is, and the other is not, transferable. The Mortal Coil.- —Fashionable young lady, detaching her hair before retiring: ‘What dreams may come when we have shuffled oil’ this mortal coil 1’ ‘l’m aftiid you'll c<une to want/ said an old indy to her daughter. •‘I have come to want already,’ was the reply; ‘I want a nice young man.’ TV-re is a lady at Sutton, New York, who was marrieu ax iweive years in ago, who is the mother of sixteen children, weighs two hundred and ten pounds, and is ‘fair, fat and forty/ The Empress of the French has pur chased a plot of ground from the Sul tan, situated near Mount David, in Palestine, where the Virgin Mary *vi?s buried, for the sum of four thousand dollars. ‘Blue sky filled with music* is the name of s Seneca Indian girl near Buf falo, who has just manned a pale face. She must he one of those wind instruments. A Miss Lucy Lee advertises in a Mississippi paper that she is of good birth and education, and is willing to marry an editor, believing herself able to support one. ‘How canto such a greasy mess in the oven V’said a fidgey old spinster to her maid-of-all-vvork. ‘Why.’ replied the girt, ‘the candles fill into the water and I put them in tiie oven to dry.’ A country girl, coming from the field was told by her cousin that she looked as fresh us a daisy kissed by the dew. ‘Well, it wasn’t any feller by that name, bu . it was Sye Jones, that kissed me. I told him that every one in town would find it out.’ The lady principal of a school, in her advertisement, mentioned her fe male assistant, and the ‘reputation for teaching which she bears;’ but the printer loft out the word ‘which;’ so the .• dvortisement went forth com mending the lady’s ‘reputation for teaching she bears.’ Oh. the wretch!—A miserable speci men oi a male man says that giving the ballot to women would not amount to much, for none of them would ad mit that they were old enough to vote until they wore too oid to take any in terest in politics. ‘Husband, I wish you would buy me some pretty feathers.' ‘lndeed, my dear littlo wife, you look better without them.’ ‘Oh, no,’ said she coaxingly: ‘you al ways call me your little bird, and how does a bird look without feathers? A young wife remonstrated with her husband, n dissipated spendthrift, on his conduct. ‘Mv love,’ said he, T am only like the Prodigal Son; I shall reform by-aiul-by.’ ‘And I will be like the Prodigal Son, too,’ she replied, ‘I will arise and go to my father.’ And off she went. ‘I am past usefulness,’ said an old lady to her minister; ‘the Lord spares my days, but I can do no good now.’' ‘You arc doing a great deal of good,’ I said the minister. You help me to j preach every sabbath.’ Os course she was very much sur prised. Help her mmiater to preach ! ‘Why, how ?’ ‘ln the first place,’ said he, ‘you are always in your seat at church, and that helps me. In he second place, I often see te.rs running down your cheeks, and that helps me vrry much.’ A Southern orator, speaking of the j battle of Bull Kuo, said: ‘The Fede j rals ran so fast that the hard tack rat : (led in their sto»u<i..ht> li«.c oeans ni i: sheet iron p„£i. NO. 30. , A temperance lecturer, descanting on the superior virtues of cold water, remarked: ‘When the world had ie i come so corrupt tba: the Lord could do nothing with it, he was obliges] tv give it a thorough sousing in cold wa (ter,’ ‘Yes,’ replied a toper presett, ‘but it killed every critter on the face ! of the earth * “No, I Thank You.”—At a sitting in Hartfort, recently, there was pre sent a woman who mourned the loss of her consort, and as the minifet-itation began to appear, the spirit of the de parted Benedict entered upon the scene. Os course the widow was now eager to engage in conversation with the absent one, and the following dia logue eiisu- and : Widow—“ Are you in the spirit world?” Tbo Lamented—“l am.' Wid ow—“ltow long have vou been there?” The Lamented—“O, some time.” Wid jw— “Don’t you want to come back and be with your l mely wife?” The Lamented—“ Not if I know my self, It’s hut enough around here.” Anew township had been organi zed, out of an old one, and “old W.‘ an honest farmer, was elected Justice of the Peace. He was new to the bus iness, and the boys longed for some kind (fa trail to see how he would make it go. After waiting a long time for something in the legal line to turn up, some of them had a sham light, and one party caused the arrest of the other. Several witnesses were examined, and the boys bad a good time generally. A t the close of the trial, the justice fined them all ten dol lars each, Then the boys laughed, and told him the joke had gone far enough—they wore in fun all the time. “You was in fun, was yon?” said th old man, striking his hand fist savage ly on the table. “You was in fun, was you? We], I’ll be d—d if I am, you’ll pay that line, every dog of you, or go to jail.” Unwilling to go to Heaven. —There was a clergyman who often become vexed at hading bis lntie grauchildreu in his study. One day one of these little children was standing by ms mother’s side and she was speaking to him of heaven. “Ala,” said he. “I don’t want to go to heaven.” “Don’t want to off to heaven my son?” “No, mu, I'm sure I don’t.” “Why not my son?” urmnmuina will he these won i he: “Yes, l hope he will.” “Well, just as soou as he sees us, he will come scolding along, and s.w>, “Whew ! whew ! whew! what are these boys here for?” A steamboat on the Mississippi pass ed a drowning man. The poor leiiow struggle,i, splashed, thundered and screamed for dear life. The pilot of the steamer yelled to him to ‘ sianu u, 1” He did so, and found the water scarcely knee deep. A more foolish, sueepish appealing man than he, as the ladies and gentlemen on the boat screamed with laugter at the Ludicrous scene, it would be hard to hud. Suakp Pkactige on Toll Keeker— A L;u ayetto min trei, riciug a pump kin colored son el, perpetrated a neavy sell on a toil g..ie Keeper near La Fay ette. one day last week. He rode up unobserved ami quo. my turning .'.is horse face about, directly opposite to the uhccuou he wanted to go, called to the toll keeper who by this time had come out! “How much to f” “awonly cents,” answered the toll keeper. "Too high!" replied the soli tary horseman, '“can’t pay it. Guess I’ll go biu k.” He turned bis horse about and proceeded m precisely the direction he wanted to go—the toll gater never dreaming of the sail. The other day we heard a good, in deed a "surprising, story of a lady in Brooklyn who wanted to surprise her husbauu with a dozen of shirts. She went to a furnishing store in Fulton street, and asked it they could “make a dozen shirts, and wished them sent home uui ing her husband’s absence. The clerk took the order, but request ed her to “step this way a moment.” She did so, when the furnisher whip ped out a tape measure and proceed ed to take the breadth of her shoulders. “ *Yhy, what are you doing, sir ?” de manded the astonished lady. “Why, taking your measure, to be sure! 1 ” was the confident reply. “How else are w< to make your shirts?” “My shirts! Why, didn't I tell you the shirts were for my husband? 7 “No, Mada u; 1 thought they iverefor you/ was the reply. ‘Do make yourself at home, ladies, said a lady mie day to her visitors “I am at home myself, and I wish yc u were.” “So, you say that walking sticks came into use very long ago?" “Not a doubt of it; clout, we read that Adam had a Gain?” To remove stains from character - Get rich. You can’t prevent the birds of sad ness from flying over your he-d, but you may prevent them from stopping to build their nesia there. A knowing traveler out West, who had chartered half t bed at a crowd ed hotel, and wru determined to have Ihe Ihalf, buckled a spur on bis heel before turning in. His unfortu nate sleeping partner bore ti e inflic tion as long as he could, and at I st ! roared out: "Say stranger, ifvoa’ie I a gentleman you ought to cut off yum ' coo lutiis.” Unexpected Ret..*. -At a r <. ant Sabbath School Com art in a , ;bu tan church, the ordinance v*( • u administered. The c!--;;. vsiian in charge expressed gmfifim lion that On* occasion offered him so go-d ..a op portunity t<> explain to o t . the nature of the service. Bv w»v of illustration, ho s ti. 1 ; “In T-sta rnont times, blood ms offered as nu at oning sacrifice, hence u wa- *j>okr i of as n purifier: but w! at in used as an emblem of parity now *.<j*ys— w’uit element eonvcyn the idea of per fected cleanliness?” * A moment’s si lence, and a doz» n lithe voice.-* sque.. k ed out—“soup!* Apoening intc one of onr colored churches last Sunday, we wre not t% little amused to hear the said orator his auctions face glowing wit 1 piety and perspiration—exclaim m an agony of penitence: “OLord we know wo are prone to stray into bv and i)t for hidden path*—O Lord. h> re mercy upon us poor sinners, of which Ii n chief among ten thousand isnd *] to gether lovely!” Our risible war* Mr cited, and fearing we might • guilty >f a breach of dm rum, we • < i tly slip ped ont the open door, and left ths prayer still ascending. A man, on hearing of another who was a hundred years old, said, con !en p'uously, “Pshaw! what a firs about nothing. Why. if my grand father were alive, he w ould boa hun dred and fifty years old.” A person who was sent to prison for morn ing two wives, excused him self by saving “that, when he had one* she fought him, but when he got two they fought each other.” Lust week a man fell a little in his owu estimation, but soon rero ered. This circumstance hould caution oth ers against entertaining very high opinions of themselves. A man lately advertised in a paper he would send to any address a hand some package,Vontaing one hundred presents. Each package turned out to be a paper of pins. "\nd yc have taken the teeolnl pledge, have ye?” said somebody to an Irishman. “Indade I have, nod am not ashamed of it nitluw.” “And d-d not Paul tell Timothy to t ike a little wino for his stomach’s sake!” “S > h-% did ; but my name is not Timothy, and there is nothing the matter with my stomach.” A bright little girl in West Spring field, on seeing a novel carriage pass, labeled, “Weed sewing machine,” said: “Papa, is that the machine they c >w weed seeds with?” Wiiat did he Mean. —Two French friends met. “Ah, good day! How are you?” “Pretty well.” “And your wife?” “She is traveling.” “For her health?” “No, for mine.” An ice-house laborer being killed by a lump of ice falling ou his bead, the verdict was, “Died of hard drink.” The Dartmouth College boys invent original derivations of words; as, for instance, the word restaurant, they put down u-v* enmnrnwl ofrvi, thin". and taunts, « Inn!, the wuMe indicating a bit /y thirty, which tiuy are >ound to patronize. Illegal husbandry—Thrashing a w r ife. Counter attractions—Pretty lady clerks. Another new reading—Man propos es but womans accepts. A friend nt a pinch-—One who shar es his snuffbox with you. Aqnactie sports—The race of milk men for the nearest hydrant. A little girl w nted to s:o that she had a ifin, h't and forgotbi what it was called; so she descri’ it a* ft “thing to brush the warm 1 off you with.” A horse dealer was asked if a horse, which lie offered for side was timed. “Not at all,'’ said he: “he of en pass es many nights by himself in the sta ble.” Bobert Hall did not lose lis power of retort., even in madness. A Lypo eritic 1 condoles with bis misfortunes once visited him in the IMwI-loum* and said, in a whining tone, "What brought yon here. Mr. Hall?” Hall signifi cantly touched his brow with his finger and replied, “What never will bring' you, sir—too ruueh brain.” To get more than one hundred cents for a dollar—lnvest it in a bottle of perfumery. Out of Piacf.— Why is a woman mending her stoi kings deformed?—Be cause bar hands are where her feet; belong. Caught on Tire Jury. A gentleman residiug several miles from Louisville, Ivy., has been in the habit of sending his waiting-boy with the buggy back home, with the fol lowing message: “Tell my wife I’m caught on that and and jury again.” His wife, to bo sure, little suspected that the jury was n set of boou com panions bent on “a high old time.” and the determination not “to go homo till morning.” A few days since he sent said wait er-bov to town after some necessary jird-b's. j The boy fell in with friends, got ele j vated and t »p-heavy, and pitched out i >f the buggy. | The b''>•'** snd buggy arrived homo j a’! right, but the loy did not make his appearance until next dftj With a stem countenance our jury- I nian called the boy u;» an-t demanded | why he did not come up m the proper | time: , . I “By golly, uiftssu. I was notched on I de (V— —and jury.” When ft lady is said to boos a “oer ■ tnin age,” you may tak< ; t for gran ted that her age m very certain. Tho certainty is that she is forty, if she is a day. When may a man be said to be j throughly “sewn up?” \Va,-u he has p:ns ,'tul u*"'. ..L., iu Ins fool And A fttltck j a his eider