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Gwinnett herald.
evbrv wmntma, nv
‘Spl'eS * YARBROUGH.
yLER M. rEEPLES, Editor.
itF3 of subscription.
BATES ur §2 0 0
oo
tliree months ' °
«<» «*
3ubs - provisions.
i ra° I,e - r . P " M ; ns r five subscribers, and
Sea » py free.
Wishing their papers
?J f/ m cne post-office to another,
o ”ie name of the post-office
Jjt a they wish it changed, as well
clinch they wish it sent.
-; a advertisements.
, „r lew $2 50
;aies. P per square... 500
[ortgsp ’ *7, n « ... 5 00
\ E
ri ve to f l ' " ' are' 5 00
,i e of land, per square
niters of dismiss 100 -- -* -
e “- Ln for homestead iOO
ppiication tor 3 00
stray notices.
of land, by administrators,
, ir , or guardians, are required by
on the first Tuesday in the
W rh between the hours of ten in the
03 ' b n l three in the afternoon, at
inwb,ch
N P (>t°iee r of thesfSes'nmst be given in
public gazette 40 days previous to the
vie to debtors and creditors of an
iemust also be published 40 days.
Notice for the sale of personal proper
must be given in like manner, 10 days
evious to sale day. .
Notice that application will be made
b he Court of Ordinary for leave to
■; | lD( ] must be published for four weeks.
Citations on letters of administration,
tardianship, &c., must be published 30
. f or dismission from administration,
>nVhly, three mouths; for dismission
jm guardianship, 40 days.
Rules for the foreclosure of mortgages
be published monthly, four mouths ;
r establishing lost papers, for the full
~c e of three months ; for compelling
],, s f rom executors or administrators,
Ke bond has been given by the de
ad, the full space of three months.
Sheriff’s sales must be published for
cr weeks.
jstray notices, two weeks.
Publications will always be continual
cording to these, the legal requirements,
lies otherwise ordered.
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
,M. J. WINN. WM. E. SIMMONS.
WINN & SIMMONS.
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
iWREN.pEni.LE, Georgia.
Practice in Gwinnett and the adjoining
unties. mar 15—ly
N. L. HUTCHINS,
attorney at law,
i'VIIEXCEVILLE, G A .
Practice in the counties of the Western
rcuit.and in Milton and Forsyth of the
|oe Itidge. mar 15-ly
YLER M. PEEPLES,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
iWEENCEVILLE, GA
■’radices in the counties of Gwinnett,
VI Jackson and Milton.
■Wion claims promptly attended to
Vurls-6m
|J • N . C r I.E N N ,
I ATTORNEY AT LAW,
■trekcrville, ga.
Bj’tll promptly attend to all business
■tasted to his care, and also to Lnnd,
V”. T ai|| l Pension claims mar 15-6 m
■ s T K.£l G. A. MITCHELL,
I LAWRENCEVILLE, ga.,
■‘‘'pectfully tender a continuation of
■'professional services to the citizens
Bi I Keep constantly on hand a
■ assortment of drugs and chemicals.
BarT'^l* 01 ' 8 carefull y prepared.
1- -J.SHAFFER, M. IX,
■ r 3ICIAN AND SURGEON,
I lawrenceville, ga.
|»arls-6 m
H B ’ F. ROB ER T s',
■ u ,„ AtToUxey ' at Law,
GEORGIA,
IftiS™* 11 Bu ] iness entrusted to
■western circuit < ' willnL ‘ U of
PCuJw 001 - H- Walker in
Hiast thet T u l '( ran,s and Claim cases
■ o »» jul4-6m
I Alr -LINe house,
| Mre et, near the Car Shed,
11. *tI UNTA . GA.
L 1 liI » ■ * Proprietor.
° r Lodf jng, 50 Cents.
1 Ia HU;stox HOTEL
[ ui ARLESTON, s. c.
2i ly Jackson.
Weekly Gwinnett Herald.
T. M. PEEPLES, PROPRIETOR.]
Yol. 11.
AT THE WINDOW.
Sitting at the window
As the daylight dies,
And the blush of even
Deepens o’er the skies,
Sitting till the crimson
Fadeth into dusk,
And from gardens cometh
Eglantine and musk;
Sitting idly musing
Till the stars appear
One by one in Heaven,
Beautiful and clear ;
Building airy castles
In the dizzy height,
Dreaming of a future
Only fair and bright:
Hears she not her lover
Pass the garden through ?
Sees she but the shining
Stars in depths of blue?
Lo, lie comes and standetk
At the open door,
And his shadow falleth
On the moonlit floor.
Looks he with emotion
On her upturned face,
Lovely as Madonna’s
In its saintly grace,
flow his strong heart yearneth,
He alone can tell;
Pausing there a moment
Ere lie breaks the spell,
Near her now he stealeth,
Silently bends o’er;
And two shadows meet
Upon the moonlit floor,
Who will dare to listen
What those two will say ?
Leave them at the window,
Gently come away.
Stick to One Thing - .
“Unstable as water thou sbalt not
excel,” is the language of the Bible.
Whoever expects to succeed in any
undertaking, must enter into it with
an earnest and hearty will to do his
best. When a trade or profession is
chosen, obstacles, be they large or
small, must not ho allowed to stand
in the way of mastering that trade
or profession.
However much we may depreciate
the old time custom of indenturing
apprentices, the system in its practi
cal results operated almost always
for the lasting good of the appren
tice. Generally it insured to him a
good trade and a wholesome disci
pline that fitted him for success in
business.
At the present time, very many
young men undertake to acquire a
trade, and after a brief trial abandon
it, because there are unpleasant du
ties to he performed, and obstacles
to he overcome. They consider
themselves accountable to no one,
and go and come at the bidding of
caprice, or an unsettled, uneasy mind.
The result of this is lo send out into
the world young men who have not
half learned their trades, of unstable
character, who drift from pillar to
post, and who succeed in nothing
hut strolling along the highways of
life, melancholy wrecks of me;;.
We would earnestly entreat every
young man, after he has chosen his
vocation, to stick to it; don’t leave
it because hard blows are to he struck
or disagreeable work performed.—
The men who have worked their way
up to wealth and usefulness do not
belong to the shiftless and unstable
class, but may he reckoned among
those who took oft’ their coats, rolled
up their sleeves, conquered their
prejudices against labor, and manfully
bore the heat and burden of the day.
Whether upon the old, worn out
farm where our fathers toiled, dili
gently striving to bring back the soil
to productiveness; in the machine
shop or factory, or in the thousand
other business places that invite hon
est toil and skill, let the motto ever
be : Perseverance and industry.—
The baby training of the nursery was
good in it* place, hut it wou’t answer
all the demands of an active life.
This is not a baby world. We
must expect to be jostled and knock
ed about in the stern conflict, and
run over, if we are not on the look
out and prepared to meet the duties
of life with a purpose not to shirk
them, but to fulfill them.
A young man with a good trade
or honorable profession, as he goes
forth into the world with bis mind
made up to stick to his trade or pro
session, is not obliged to ask for many
favors. He will hew his wav to suc
cess, while the unstable and shiftless
will grow tired, despair and fail.—
Catholic Standard.
Mrs. Polshorf, solicitous as well
for the physical as the mental devel
ment of her pupils, engages a respect
able (middle aged) non-commissioned
officer to exercise them in calisthe
nics under her own eye —Ancient
Militia Sergeant.—“ Elbows turned
in, and close to the sides!—palms o’
the hands full to the front! —thumb
close to the forefinger!—little finger
in line with the seam of the trow —
Ahem, as you were !”
Dead locks —False curls.
Lawrenceville, Ga-, Wednesday, August 7, 1872.
Gov. Smith’s Letter of Accep
tance.
Atlanta, July 24, 1872.
Hon. James M. Smith, Atlanta ;
Dear Sir —The undersigned have
been appointed a committee by the
Democratic Convention, this day as
sembled here, to inform you that
you have been nominated by a
unanimous vote of the convention as
the Democratic candidate for the
office of Governor of Georgia.
We herewith enclose a copy of the
resolutions adopted by the conven
tion.
It gives us great pleasure to make
this communication, and to assure
you that your brief administration
received the cordial indorsement of
the convention, as it had already pre
viously received the approval of the
people.
Permit us to express the hope of
our common constituents and of our
selves personally that you will accept
the re nomination so heartily and
unanimously tendered.
With the highest respect for your
official and ptivate character, and,
with a God speed to you and the
good work you are now performing,
we remain, dear sir, with great re
spect, your friends and obedient
servants,
James M. Mobley,
Julian Hartbidoe,
Wm. E. Simmons,
Ira A. Foster,
Warren Aiken,
Committee.
Atlanta, Ga , July 29, 1872.
Messrs. James M. Mobley, Julian
Ilartridge, Wm. E. Simmons, Ira
A. Foster, and Warren Aikin,
Committee :
Gentlemen — l have the honor to
acknowledge the receipt of your
communication of the 24th instant,
informing me that the State Demo
cralie Convention had nominated me
unanimously as their candidate for
the office of Governor.
For this great honor I cannot com
mand language in which to express
iny gratitude. The unanimity and
heartiness with which the nomina
tion was made, add another to the
many obligations already resting up
on me, to serve with all possible zeal
and faithfulness a people who have so
honored and trusted me.
The resolutions adopted by the
convention have been carefully con.
sibered, and I take pleasure in stating
that the principles therein enunciated
meet with my warm approval.
The re-aftiimance of “the unchan
geable doctrine that this is a Union
of States, and that the indestructibil
ity of the States, of their rights, and
of their equality with each other, is
an indispensiblo part of our political
system,” is a pledge on the part of
the convention that the Democracy
of Georgia will continue to adhere to
the principles of Constitutional Gov
ernment. These great fundamental
principles of our Federal system
should never he abandoned. And
yet, to use tho language of oue of the
resolutions, I fully “recognize the
exigences of the times which sug
gested and secured the nomination
by the Democratic party at Baltimore
of Horace Greeley and B. Gratz
Brown, as candidates for President
and Vice-President of the United
States, and regard their election as
conducive to the preservation of the
rights of the States, to local self
government, and the protection of
the individual liberty of tho citizens.”
It wou'd be uncandid in me not to
say that I should have been glad if
this exigency had nol been upon us.
The power of naming the candidates,
however, was specifically lodged by
tho party in the National Convention.
That convention, like a court of the
last resort, is tho highest party tri
bunal in the -land, and beyond it
there is no other or further appeal,
without going outside of the party.
This latter course I cannot adopt. I
cannot separate myself from my
people. Nay, more, I would stand
by them, even when in the wrong,
rather than give the enemies ot
Government my countenance and
support.
The National Convention having
nominated candidates for the l’resi
denev and Vice-Presidency, and tho
Slate" Convention having recognized
and accepted these candidates, I shall
not permit myseli to call in question
either the wisdom or patriotism which
directed the choice made by the one,
or the acceptance and indorsement
accorded by the other. The Demo
cratic party, with Greeley and Brown
as its candidates, is infinitely prefer
able, in my judgment, to any other
political organization of the country.
I shall give tho Baltimore nominees,
therefore, my earnest and zealous
support, believing that in their elec
tion the cause of honesty and consti-
“COMING EVENTS CAST THEIR SHADOWS BEFORE!”
tutional government will achieve a
triumph over fraud, corruption and
usurpation.
I may add that, since my accession
to office, I have had but little time to
bestow upon national affairs. We
have a great work before us here in
Georgia, sufficient to engage the best
efforts of every patriot in the State,
and I have given my hand and heart
to that work. To coibpleteihis work
successfully, it is necessary that we
preserve Lire integrity of the Demo
cratic party here at home. It is nec
essary that we be united, and zealous
and forbearing, slow to condemn our
brethren, or to magnify differences
upon matters of iniuor concern. II
we but pursue this course the good
work we have in hand will have been
finished at no distant day. Mean
while, let us hope that the great and
powerful party to which we belong
will be able, witli the aid of liberal
and patriotic men from other politi
cal organizations to accomplish the
same beneficent revolution in our
national affairs, that we have already
effected here in Georgia.
With the highest appreciation of
the honor conferred upon me, and
with many thanks for tho kind terms
employed by you in communicating
the action of the convention, I accept
the nomination, with a pledge that,
if elected, 1 shall to the best of my
ability, discharge tho duties of the
great trust placed in my hands by a
confiding people.
Very truly,
James M. Smith.
How an Arkansas Magistrate
Gratified his Fancy for a
Fat ’Possum.
In our neighboring city of Helena
a “gemman of color” named Moore,
who rejoices in the double distinction
of being a magistrate and of having
a weakness concerning the quadruped
known as ’possum. Just across the
river, in Tunica county, resides an
other “cnllud gemman,” who, while
not a magistrate, is none the less soft
on the ’possum question, llis name
is Clem. Clem has a trained, fat
’possum which follows him around
like a dog. Having some business in
Helena recently, lie cros-ed over
there accompanied, as usual, by his
pet companion, Meeting ’Squire
Moore on oue of the boulevards ot that
metropolis he exchanged with him
greetings of the day, when the follow
ing conversation ensued :
’Squire Moore—Look yere, Clem,
w’at you take for dat yere 'possum ?
Clem—Wal, Squagli, I don’t earu
to sell him, hut if you want him I’ll
let you hav him fur live dollars.
’Squire M.—Git out nigga; I’ll
gub you wun dollar.
Clem—Can’t sell him for dat,
nohow.
Saying which Clein went his way
dowu tho boulevard, the ’possum,
whose sleekiness attracted the.eye of
the magistrate, trotting along gently
in the rear.
The ’Squire looked non plussed for
a moment hut seeing a policeman or
constable in the distance, his face
suddenly brightened, and lie struck
an attitude of happy reflection.
Calling to him, the minion of the
law, he said •
“Arrest dat niggah wid de ’possum,
and brung bofe into my ooort at
once !”
The minion aforesaid did as or
dered, and soon Clem and his pos
sum trembled in the presence of the
mighty Moore.
“Clem,” said the magistrate “you’s
accused of being drunk and disor
derly. Wat’s yuse got to say fur
yunelff”
Clein stammered his innocence
and protested against the charge.
“No vuse talking, Clem,” said the
magistrate, “dis yere court neber
makes a mistake, and isn’t gwine to
be fooled in dese premises.”
Saying which the learned expo
nent of tho law turned to the greasy
looking ebony statue in one corner,
and said:—
“Mister Klerk, dis darkey am fined
fibe dollars and costs, for drunk, ’tox
ieation, and breech of de peace.”
Clem said he didn’t have the mou
ey, and asked permission to cross tho
river and get it.
The magistrate objected, but final
ly consented on condition that Clem
would leave “de ’possum” as secuiity
till his return.
And that’s how ’Squire Moore, the
black jurist of Helena, got his pus
sura.— Memphis Avalanche.
-l■ > ■
“Death,’’ says a Santa le paper,
“with fleshless knuckles, rapped at
the door of Mrs. J. N. B.’s soul, and
obedient to the inexorable call, the
spirit of that loved woman floated up
to its Creator, leaving her husband,
children and triends to mourn over
her mortal casket.”
B. Asliful’s First Offer.
BY JOSKm E. BADOER, ,!R.
Evidently something unpleasant
had occurred to thus disturb the un
usual calm and placid Mr. B. Ashful.
He rubbed and polished the lens of
his speotables, placed them astride
his nose upside down, wiped the per
spiration from his rosy, shining coun
tenance, and again picked op tho
morning paper.
Yes, there it was, staring him full
in the face, with the name “Benjamin
Ashful'’ beneath it in huge capitals.
Mr. B. Ashful was not a man to
become duly excited without good
cause therefor; indeed, he was rather
prone to take life easily, and in his
case this course had been crowned
with entire sticcees Ho was a nice,
jolly-looking, plump personage, rath
er small, to be sure, hut then “valua
hie goods come in small packages.”
He was comfortably wealthy, in a
good business, owned a fine mansion
up town, and, in fact, was a most
tempting prize, in the estimation of
all the young ladies of an unceitain
age of his acquaintance, for, sad to
relate, he was a bachelor, at the age
of some forty odd years.
But what had so excited him now
was this :
A friend, Asa Drake, had dropped
into the cosy little office for a mo
ment that morning in high spirits,
and began cordially congratulating
Mr. B. Ashful upon his courage in
thus acting, hoping he would soon
meet with a congenial spirit, winding
up with something about wedding
cake and bridal favors.
Finally ho explained his incompre
hensible allusions by pointing out an
advertisement in a conspicuous part
of the Busy Bee. Mr. B. Ashful’s
eyes dilated with horror as he pe
rused this article, and, for the first
time since h : s long vanished boyhood,
he thought “had word” aloud. This
was the—
NOTICE. —Tho undersigned, be
ing tolerably good looking, educated,
etc., with a fiir share of this world’s
goods, and a heart overflowing with
love, desires a wife— one on the s in
ny side of forty, who does not smoke,
chew, or snuff, preferred. Proposals
may he handed in at this place of
business until one week from date.
BENJAMIN ASIIFUL.
Then followed his tdace of business
in full.
Now, when wo consider that the
one great bane of Mr. B. A.’s life was
tho sight of a woman —that lie had
been known to remain at his office,
almost perishing for supper tliat was
spoiling at home, until long after
dark, from dread of having to reply
to the sweet smile and bow of Miss
Melissa I’enngrah, his next door
neighbor, who nightly sat upon her
front veranda, lying in wait for his
approach, as the poor fellow felt as
sured — we can imagine in some
slight degree the merchant's sensa
lions at leading the above.
Yes; Mr. B. A. was bashful, very
bashful, where the fair sex were con
cerned, although otherwise as brave
and self-possessed as a lion. It was
a fault, we grant you, and when car
ried to excess, as in his case, a griev
ous fault; hut it arose from the best
of motives.
Mr. B. A.’s heart was very tender,
and, big as it was, respect and admi
ration for every woman filled it to
overflowing. Ho looked upon them
as almost essential beings, and, there
fore, too precious and sacred for him
to dare love, although his disposition
was such that ho would have made
an excellent husband and father.—
lie would never have been “short,
iny love,” or hurried remorselessly
past the seductive shop windows
where hung “that love of a bonnet’
were his wife along ; not he !
And then, although sole master in
his bojse, he was so neat and tidy.
Ho never left his clothes, or boots
lying around loose upon the table or
mantle piece; nor did he to«s soiled
paper collars, cigar stumps or empty
bottles at raudom, for others to col
lect ; but exery thing was as trim and
methodical as tho room of a maiden
lady of half a century.
And when he wished to smoke—
which was quite frequently, for Mr.
B. A. was very fond of a choice cigar
—he would seek the back porch, sit
ting close to* tho edge, so that the
ashes might not soil the floor.
Just as he had perused for good
ness knows how many times the
dreadful advertisement, a sharp deci
sive rap sounded at the door of his
cosy little office. (Quickly turning
his head, the merchant beheld peer
ing at him through the glass door,
with a peculiarly triumphant expres
sion—or was it merely his distorted
fancy ? - the sharp, vinegary features
[!?2 A YEAR, IN ADVANCE.
I of hia bugbear, Miss Melissa Penn
grab.
Could it be that—yes, it must I
She subscribed for the Busy Bee and
had doubtless read the fatal notice!
Springing from his chair, Mr. B.
A. advanced with the insane purpose
of bolting the door, bnt he was a
little too late. It swung open in his
face, and Miss M. P. entered with a
smiling countenance.
“Mr. Benjamin Ashful, 1 believe?”
“At yonr servico, ma’am,” he
groaned, rather than spoke, motion
ing her to a chair, while he retreated
to the further end of the room.
The lady gracefully sank down and
already began removing her gloves,
looking down at the neatly carpeted
floor. Was she seeking out some
spot upon which to kneel, while
pouring forth the sweet confession?
The merchant groaned anew, and
wiped his damp face, for this was
what he thought, or his reading, led
him to suppose that a declaration
could bo delivered in no other posi
tion.
“Very pleasant weather we’re hav
ing, Mr. Ashful, ’’ murmured his visi
tor.
“Very ah !”
“I’ve called upon a very delicate
matter this morning,” glancing nerv
ously about the room, “and feel some
timidity about beginning. Are we
alone ?”
“Yes; but i’ll call —'—’’eagerly
began the merchant,
“No, no; not for tho world!—
What I have to say, none but you
must hear. I should die if it became
known !’’
Mr. B. Asliful only groaned,
“Chancing to read your advertise
ment in this morning’s paper, and
having long felt a desire to enter into
a—a partnership with some respecta
bio person ”
“1 know it!” gasped the poor
man, wiping tho perspiration from
| his face.
“Really !” added the lady, with
an air of surprise. “1 thought it a
secret of my own. But I am glad
you do, for it will make the avowal
easier. You must know it is not ex
actly the course a lady would like to
take ; in fact, it might be deemed by
many, somewhat unmaidenly, but as
I have no male relatives to consult,
no other course is open to me, I
thought, just a- soon as I beheld your
notice, that my chance had come ai
last. 1 have known you by reputa
tion foi a long time, and 1 can sin
cerely say that there is no person
whom I would prefer to yourself as
a partner.”
Mr B. A. only groaned and mop
ped.
“I have about fifteen thousand dol
lars that I should like to invest in
the business,” continued Miss Penn
grab. “Of course, I should not like
my name appear openly upon the
hooks, hut would prefer—that is, you
know—in fact—’’and she hesitated.
“Eh, mum ?” stammered Mr. B. A
“Well, I should prefer io bo a—a
sleeping partner.’’
“Heavens 1” almost yelled Mr.
Asliful, his rosy countenance turning
several shades darker as he frantically
mopped away at the perspiration that
streamed from every pore, using an
ink sponge in lieu of a hankerchiet
“Is the man erazj ?” shrieked the
lady, grasping a heavy ruler aud
standing upon the defensive.
Just then the door opened and a
eleik asked, with wondering counte
nance :
“Did you call, sir ?’’
“Come in, VVaiien; come in
This lady—tell her—that I don’t
want to get married I” gasped the
poor merchant.
“Mr Ashful, do you wish to insult
me ?’’ screamed Miss I’enngrab, her
corn tenance flushing.
“Then you didn’t——”
“You advertised for a partner with
a small capital to enter into a good
business, aud when I come in to an
swer it you must ’’
And there were symptoms of a
shower.
“Bless my soul —bless my soul, so
I did !” exclaimed Mr..B. Ashful, de
lightedly. “Then you didn’t see that
other advertisement?”
“No, sir; I did not. But I be
lieve it is time 1 was going I havo
heretofore regarded you as a gentle
man, and not as a lunatic. As it is,
I do not think it would be prudent
to place money in your hands for in
vestment,” and the lady dropped a
dignified courtesy.
But she did not leave just then, for
Mr. B. Ashful now recovered, and, in
a greaLmeasure dropping his bashful
ness, appolngized so politely and ap
peared such a kind, agreeable gentle
man, that Miss M. P. was prevailed
upon to reconsider her decision, and,
before she took her departure, the
RATES of aDVERTISING.
stack 3 mo’s. C mo’s. 12 mo’s.
1 square 8 4 00 $ 600 $ Iff bo
2 sq’rs (; 00 10 OO 15 0 0
3 sqr’s 8 00 14 OO 20 00
M col. 12 00 20 00 30(0
J* col. 20 00 35 00 GO 00
one col. * 40 00 75 O') too 00
The money for advertisements is due
on the first insertion.
A square is the space of one inch in
depth of the column, irrespective of the
number of lines.
Marriages and deaths, not exceeding
six lines published free. For a man ad
vertising his wife, and all other personal
matter, double rates will be charged.
No. 21.
bargain was struck ami she was ad
mitted into the concern as a “silent
i partner."
But the terrible fright he had ex
; perienced determined Mr. B. A. to
leave the city until the designated
time had expired, greatly to the dis
gust and chagrin of tlie numerous
lady callers for Mr. Benjamin Asliful.
We are happy to state that the
concern has flourished grandly ; that
Mr. B. A. has conquered his dread of
tho fair sex, at least so far as one of
them is concerned, and that Miss
Penngiab now subscribes herself
“Mrs B. Asliful.”
All of which was brought around
by the practical joke of Asa Drake,
Esq. •
A young lady at an ovening party,
somo time ago, found it apropos to
use the expression, “Jordan is a hard
road lo travel ;" but, thinking it too
vulgar, substituted the following:
“Perambulating progression in pe
destrian excursions along the far
famed thoroughfare of fortune cast
up by the hanks of (lie spaikling i
river of l’alesline is indeed attended
with a heterogeneous conglomeration
of unforeseen difficulties.”
*»• m
A patient complained to his physi
cian that, lie was pur<tied by a glio-t
the night before ns he was going
home from the 'nvern. “What shape
was it ?” asked the doctor. “In the
shape of an ass,” replied the man.
“Go home,” said the doctor, “and
keep sober. You were drunk last
night and frightened by your own
shadow
A poor little Sunday school schol
ar in Wisconsin ivm deluded into
learning 2,73 U verses in the Bible in
four weeks by the promise of a hook.
They gave him “Hitchcock’s analysis
of the Bible.” He swapped it. for a
three hladed knife and a peck of
hickory nuts.
An Irishman went into a Chicago
store, and says he, “Did you put it
in the paper that you wanted a man,
sur ?’’ 4 Yes,” said the storekeeper;
“and 1 distinctly staled that all appli
cations must be made by male.” —
“An’ faith, an* it’s myself that is a
male, sure,” said Pat ; and lie was
hired.
Tlie Fort Wayne Sentinel makes
the follow ing cheerful announcement:
"A coffin room has been established
on Wayne street, in rear of the Sen
tinel building Any one feeling like
attacking the editor will save his rel
atives trouule by coming around that
way and selecting his box.”
In a recent debate, a member of
tlie California Legislature ex
claimed : “The honorable gentle
man from Cl*veras county is un
doubtedly a person ol‘ groat,
abilities, a man of talent, a natural
born genius; but there is one thing
I defy him lo do, and that is to bite
the bottom out of a frying pan
without smutting his nose”
“I came for the saw sir.” “What
saucer ?” “Why, the saw sir, that
you borrowed.” “I borrowed no
saucer. “Sure you did sir; you bor
rowed a saw sir.” “1 never saw your
saucer.” “But you did ; there’s the
saw now, sir.” “Oh ! you want the
saw; why didn’t you say so.”
Walter, a five year old, was sur
prised at breakfast by the presence of
a diminutive egg, served for his spe
cial delectation. He thus accounts
for the egg’s smallness :
“Mamma, I think the chicken was
learning to lav.”
A little boy accosted his political
paps thus
“Papa me vou
“No, dear; what rocket vou think
so?”
“Because the top of _\onr head is
coining through your hair.”
The poor politician is getting bald.
An exchange paper says :
“We have adopted the eight-hour
system in this office.
“Wo commence work at eight
o’clock in the morning, and close at
eight in the evening.”
There is acow in Charleston which
originally cost SSO, but having, un
fortunately, become involved in a
law suit, her present owners assess
her at $750, just what she has cost
them.
An enterprising butcher’s motto:
“First io gore, first in grease, and
first in the stomachs of my country
men.” *-
ArousTL's Hates Calls. —“Augus-
tus, love, let me entreat you ! Do
not give way to any insane demon
strations of delight before the servant
if she says they're not at home ”