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HERALD. I i-VSRV WEDNESDAY, BY br^YABBUOCGa r LE P M. PEEPLES, Editor. | " oF iuBSCBIPTION. ■ R.Vfko 92 00 I C/SSSnth-” 1 "--* 1 :" ■ U? cash —payable ■; ....ription r-* 1 " ■* Mcn *~ nrovisions ■*n*7 pr five subscribers, and I-yas ,tot t » S “ b? frne post-office 1 to another, Hhe name of the post-office W Iffcttevwishit changed, as well 11 ‘ Lhirii they wish Wl L aDVKRTISKMKNTS. §9 5Q *» t S B n> io w ll la,, ‘ m *‘ r< .‘ 5 00 B 1 450 ■plirabo" for " um 3 go y • • * * * * 85.4.1* of iaml. by administrators, nr gawdiaas, are required by 1° M on the first Tuesday m the ■ ,() hours of ten m the *«* in thu afu ' rnoo, .’-: a 1 t BSUousein the county id winch fciK tlStles’must be given in ■ublu to the debtors and creditors of an B,e must also be published 40 days. K'" for | lie sale of personal proper- Bust be given in like manner, 10 days to sale day. Bo,ire that application will be made Bthe Court of Ordinary for leave to B and must be published for four weeks. Bdat* "" L ' ,,erS °l adm.n|S»rat.on Brdianship, *e., must be published 30 B-i f„r dismission from administration, iHrtiiiy. three months; for dismission Bn irimrdianship, 40 days. for the foreclosure of mortgages |I published monthly, four months ; ■establishing lost papers, for the full ■ce of three months ; for compelling B> from executors or administrators, Bre bond has been given by the dc- B'd 'lie full space of three months. BhO's sales must he published for weeks. notices, two weeks. B-'i'ica’inns will always be continued B"..ntr to these, the legal requirements, K.. itherwise ordered. ;CARD3. ■ j. WINN- WM. K. SIMMONS. Bn NX & SIMMONS. 1 ATTORNEYS AT LAW, G EOIIOI A. ••• in (,wi.'inoit and the adjoining nmrlo-ly Bn. 1, HUTCH 1 NS, M ATTORNEY AT LAW, G A . H^^Rrae! in- iii the counties of the Western in Milieu and Forsyth r.l itic Ridge. marl 5-1 y B’LKK M. IM iUUUUS, H ATTORNEY AT LAW, CA. in the I’Hiuilies of Gwinnett, |B' ■E-kse, and Milton. |^|"' * claims promptly attended to B' N . GJ, IE XN , ■ attorney at law, |Brencevili.k ga. promptly attend to all business ,J il in his care, and also to Hind, ' Sl|| i Pension claims mar 15-Gni ■ S T - K -& G.A. MITCHELL, ■ UWREN’CEYILLE, GA., ■ '•>' fl > ! ly tender a continuation of ■ ' lr ' ,i,v|j,||i »l services to the citizens |B Rlr P constantly on hand a ; r t merit ot drugs and chemicals. ! “.r.|i,i. , ; i> ear,fully prepared. ■ '■ Sll -W- 1 A.ii.Al.l AND SURGEON, ■ L AW-RHNt'EYILLE, GA. ■ 15 E R T S , ■ Am.ttNKv AT Law, |B'' •'•' l o 1,1 1 " I '‘ im ' ss entrusted to ■ circuit; ,|* |Bn.„„ l ' l ' 1 luuJ Gwinnett of ■ill.U n T 11 • 11. Walker in |B' ■ • " . ‘'tTants and Claim eases ' ■ Government. jul4-6m ■ AIR -LINE HOUSE, ■ ° rStreet - I,e! *t' the Car Shed, ■ AT UNTA, GA. ■ Proprietor. ; * >r 50 Cents. ■ i'j 1” Hav! Agents wanted. V ' e j,| ; classes of working ftmiev at „., M | X '/" U "~ t,r "Id. make ■*'*. i*r all ,r . "■ us in ’ lu ‘ir Spare ■ p. lrli luj time, than at anv- Bwiq culurs tree. Address G. ■ n r'lund. Maine. (sep4ly BO m^ fr <-nf.« etg rvn A B Jn "neoi i-> ; Gall and ?.\- B ' '.-u >a 'ninessent (postage ■ TIM A hatbun Square,X.Y Weekly Gwinnett Herald. » T. M. PEEPLES, PROPRIETOR ] Vol. 11. NOBODY KNOWS. How the world wags, from the dawn to close, W ho are our friends, and who are our foes, * \ Nobody knows, llow many wake, and how many sleep; How many laugh, and how many weep; How many sow, and how many reap, Nobody kuow„. . How many pray, and how many sin; How many Use, and how many win, Nobody knows. How many watch, and how many wait; How many tarry, and how many mate; How many early, and how many late, Nobody kuows. How many give, and how many take; How many brew, and how many bake, Nobody knows. How many smile, and how many sigh; How many sing, and how many cry; How many are low, and how many high, Nobody knows. How many bless, and how many curse; How many better, ar.d how many worse, Nobody knows. How the world wags, from the eve to the dawn; How many love, and how many scorn; How many die, and how many are born, Nobody knows. — » O’Conor gave the temperance can didate a close run. When is a woman as cold as ice? When she is a scold. It is very probable that the doctor gives more fits than the tailor. With women as with warriors there is no robbery—all is conquest. Why is an inlant like a diamond ? Because ii is a dear little thing What fruit does a newly married couple most resemble ? A green pear. Why is a circuit rider like an aris tocrat ? Because they both move in good circles In the lung run, a tried and proved character for truth, honor, and honesty is the best capital, and gives the largest interest. When we < ome to God tor counsel, we must he willing to put our whole case in His hands; to take tlie up-hill step* instead of the smooth one,should He point to it. Theological students who desire to receive the aid of the Episcopal So ciety for the Increase of the Ministry will have in the fut'tne to go without tobacco and alcoholic drinks. Walter, a five year old, was sur prised at breakfast by the presence of a diminutive egg, served for his spe cial delectation. /‘Mamma, ’’'kaid he, “I think the chicken was learning to lay.’’ On der dwo'cenC beicee you see dese tings : “Iti Got -tfe- vas trust,” " y * “Oonited Stbates of-' America” 1 vas sorry"to see dbem cendiments vas on obbosite sLlhs (pdfrfer odder. * / * It is reportWMiss Alexander, a California actress wW-was for ten yeais a member of lgham Young’s family, will be the to tel! on the lecture platform what she knows about Mormonisirtf^^ “Father/£hal<tf*ffß the printer live on f” “Why, child.!” “because you said you ffedn’t/'jmd him for two years still take the paper.” “Wife, fut/that child to bed; he’s an everlasting talker. ’ An to the sud den deatb«of'a j*lalive, was asked if he lived high.*'«7‘Well, I can’t say be did’” said Terrence, “but he died high.” banks in these days, h? was suspended. A NevaiJaMnan is hunting for 4,000 £beSp /hat were stolen from him last spmi£. If » shepherd feels so much joy at the recovery of one lost sheep, )ihat must this one do when his eve again rests upon those 4,000 stragglers from the fold ? The Rev. Robert Col Iyer made a teuder allusion to “gin mills,’ the other day, saying lie wished that all whisky shops were down in hell, chained up in the bottomless pit for a thousand rears, and a new chain ready tor them at the expiration of ; that time.” L&wrenceyille, Ga., Wednesday, December 11, 1872. The Ogeechee Harbecue. It eame to pass that the tribes of Gain and Shin and So-Forth, gat them together for counsel. Then spake one Snowball, saying, “Lo! Ulysses our great Uncle ascendeth the throne over the people, and our tribes tarry, but do not rejoice and make obeisance before him!” lhen spoke Julius, surnamed Han nibal, and said : “Y r ea !—verily— bem ! Even so it is.” Likewise also spoke Pompey, sur named Gumbone, and said : “Too line! The people do tarry, and the great uncle bath not been honored.” And Gee-bo-lium, the seer and great swallower of speerits, said : “It is well. Now, therefore, let every captain go to his tent and proclaim to his mighty men of valor that straightway they prepare a feast— nay, we will have it a barbecue—and other fixings and other things goodly and pleasant for the inner man, and we will make ready and rejoice, eat) drink and be merry, and glorify our great uncle.” “All-hum !” spake Snowball; “ah hum ! methinks the wise men have spoken naught concerning fire water, which cheereth the soul of man, and tickleth his guzzle and thrilletli his anatomy —yea ! thrilletli it him even unto his very toe bones !” “Nay,” spoke Pompey, the sweet stinger of slams; “nay, hut we will have no fire water, for it is an evil speerit, and though it tickleth the guzz’e and toe bones, yet it consum eth til ■ life and seteth one mad.” Now Gee-bo-hnm, the son of Shoo* Fly, opened his teeth and spake, saying, “Nay, we will not have the fire water come into the camp. It bitetli like a possom and stingeth like a flea.” Now these sayings sore displeased Snowball, and his wrath was kindled. So lie roared with aimer. “The fire water shall come forsoth.” And they were all greatly wrath, and declared the fire water should not prevail. Now, Snowball was hefty on inns c.le, and his fame was mighty, so he said : “Lo ! have I not sworn with a big oath that we must have whisky Let none sav no, for my wrath is risen and mayhap I may do ye harm.” But they all grinned and mocked him to scorn, and they spake and said, “Go to !” But he would not “go to,” but seized them one by one, and punch* ed them, and put heals on them, and wo Hoped them, so that the like of it was not seen in all Ogeechee, even unto Nod and Reer-sheeber. Yea, lambasted he them ! And they roar ed for pain slid cried out: “Let up, or we perish in cold blood !” Then let them up—Yea, let he them all. And they skedaddled thence. And it came to pass that accord ing to the messenger’s word from the FooFoosofthe tribes of Shin and Ham, the people gathered together on the banks of the stream, and ha-id againtt the woods of Ogeechee, on the day 21 of the month Novem ber, and there was a great multitude of them, the like of which had not been before, and the Foo-Foos came, and Snowball, the Seer, came he, and he brought some fire water, which was against the will of the people, and they laid hands upon him, for he was drunk and be made great ado. But they took him and lathered him with hickory switches; yea, they spanked him shingles and sockdola gered him with fists—yea, lampoost ed they him. And he roared with pain and was sore afraid, and he got up and got—-yea, got he hiinselt away. “Behold, now proclaim the whoop jah !” said the Foo Foos. And the people ran to and fro and built fires, and some slew sheep, and some slew an ox, and the same were roasted on spits whole—yea, spit they them over the fires. And the tables weie spread, and hoe cake and meats laid “COMING EVENTS CAST TIIEIR SHADOWS BEFORE!” out,and the meats and the coffee made a sweet smelling savor. And there was no fire water. So the people sat and ate. And they laughed and “yah-yah-ed” for joy. And they sang songs of victory and made themselves much merry, Y"ea, made theju themselves merry ! And the wise man. and the valiant men of war, and the captains of the host, and the Wauhoos rose up and spouted speeches, and they waxed warm, and made to themselves yards of eloquence, and great was the wis dom, and might and power of their sayings; and the sound of their voices went up as the sound of thun der, for the air was agog with echos, and they spake, and they sang, and they roared, and -they shouted, and they screamed, and they shrieked for joy. And their cry was, “Great is Grant! Lo ! there is none greater. For he hath money and few words, and few brains, but we are his equals') yea, equals are we, and wards of the nation!” And night came, and there was a great glare and light from many fires; and there were many scenes and sights, and sounds that pen cannot tell. But the scribe made haste and got him away, and here is his tale all told.— Savannah News. New York’s Champion Laugher. William Bennett, better known as “Laughing Bill,” visited Wall street) New Yotk, recently A reporter tor the Sun says : Ilis appearance in the Gold Room was the signal for a gene ral suspension of business and a uni versal laugh. Mr. O'Brien took of him, and after a formal introduction requested Laughing Bill to favor them with an exhibition of his won ,derful powers of laughing. But there was no laugh there. The bro kers laughed at Bill, but he wouldn’t laugh at them Af'er leaving the Gold Room Bill visited the Stock Room, where he was met by a com mittee headed l>y the handsome Mr. Mitchell, the champion laugher of Wall street. The room was crowd ed, and as soon as it was known that Laughing Bill was among them, a throng of brokers gathered about him and clamored loudly fora laugh. And Bill did laugh. The chandeliers vibrated like pendulums; the gold and stock indicators refused to per form their functions; and many grosses of buttons from coats, vests and pantaloons strewed the floor when the champion laugher had done. In the evening, in company with some friends, Laughing Bill visited the theatre cotnique. He occupied the upper right hand proscennium box and quietly sutveyed the im mense audience. The entertainment was of a pleasing nature and con sisted of diversions of all kinds.— There was the serio-comic drama, the performing mules, the girl who never saw a man, clog-dances, and Arrah-na Pogue, all for fifty cents. And there wat Laughing Bill, too, thrown into the bargain. Ihe per formance commenced with the new local drama, “Empire City.” The third scene represents a pic-nic party in Jones Woods, with the inimitable John Wood as a colored waiter.— When Hart reached the stage he unconsciously looked towards Laugh ing Bill. The champion laugher then began. First be ha ha’d, then followed with a litter, a giggl e > a shout and a peal of laughter that lasted about ten minutps. The audi ence became infected and began to smile, simper, smirk and grin, in quick * succession, and at last they broke out in such a peal of laughter as was never heard before in a place of amusement. But above the din could be heard Laughing Bill’s loud laugh. It was the same infectious, unceasing laugh that made everybody risible and ludicrous. At length Bill stopped, and the manager order ed the play to go on; but the whole scene bad been entirely lost. As soon as quiet was restored, Mr. Josh Hart sent a polite message to Laughing Bill, requesting him to stop laughing. The polite messen ger was accompanied by two boun cers and three police men. Bil laughed at them, and they retired discomfited. Prof. J. J. Showels and liis wonderful performing don keys, Pete and Barney, next occupied Laughing Bill’s attention. He liuigi.- ed so hard at the mules that they became stubborn, and refused to per form. At this the audience again burst into a peal of laughter, but whether at the mules or Laughing Bil! was hard to tell. At any rate it made no difference to Bill, for he laughed just as heartily about ten minutes, the audience laughing and cheering him by turns. At length a gentlemanly appearing youth witli a ! red nose, a boquet in his button hole, and hair parted in the centre, en tered Bill’s box, and told him he must either stop laughing or “git emit," “All right,” said Mr. Bennett, “I’ll stop laughing when the funny part begins.” At this the ieel nosed youth began to laugh, then tiio other ush ers and the three policemen took it up. and finally the whole audience was laughing. Bill was putting in his best licks, liis whole body was laughing, and liis mouth looked like a jj;ash in a beefsteak. A third time Mr. Josh Hart sent him word to stop laughing. A big policeman, brandishing a fierce look ing club, bore tlie message. Bill stopped as suddenly as lie began, at which the audience hissed. Then Mr. William West the audience into a good humor, and made way for Frank Kearnes and John Queen, the Morning Glories. They were funny, so Bill didn’t laugh ; but as soon as they left the slage lie gave the audience his 4th e lilion of a genuine laugh. He laughed iiiiinod erately. The audience lay hack ex liausted, and shouted for some one to take the mail away. At this- Mage of proceedings it became evident that Josh Hart and Laughing Bill couldn’t run opposition shows in the same house at the same time. So Josh Hart summoned all his ushers and a few extra policemen and ejected the famous Laughing Bill. This ena bled the actors to earn their salaries to the satisfaction of the manager and the audience, and the show went on. Mr. Bennett has shown his ability as a laughist. lie made an audience of two thousand people laugh while he laughed, and keep quiet when lie was quiet, and lias, therefore, well earned the title of Laughing Bill, the champion laugher of the world. Gun Powder i iteratuke.-A Gen. Hammond, late of the Federal army, and if wo are not mislakeu in the person,some what unpleasantly known in this city in connection with certain alleged disparaging remarks about General Lee, having charged General Forest in a public speech .with being a party to tiro swindle of the State of Alabama in sundry railroad bonds, tbe great cavalryman pays his respects to him as follows : He is a liar (I can use no other language to one so base,) a cowardly puppy and a scoundrel. If be owns a title in the Federal army, lie dis graces it, and if I have anything like justice at the hands of the journal that published this unprovoked and wanton outrage upon me, this brand of liar, coward and scoundrel will speed as far as his slander and live longer. That he may be assured of my willingness to hear from him, he is notified that a letter addressed to me at Memphis will meet with atten tion.— Telegraph if- Messenger. - m* —— “Kerosenility” is the World’s latest characterization of the old women who are continually ignit ing themselves with kerosene oil. _ ——— —— * Greensboro’ brags on having a safe jail. [s2 A YEAR, IN ADVANCE. I»at Grubbing Hoc. Many years ago, there lived in a beautiful litttlo country town in North Alabama, a genial, warm hearted old gentleman, Judge II .well known throughout Stata as well for his distinguished ability as his marked genorosity and congeniality. Among his chatel possessions—for the time we are speaking of was long before die war—was a negro, named Jake, or as he was more familliarly called Uncle Jake, and there never lived a more provoking old daikie ; for Uncle Jake, although a favorite, had many weaknesses, and amongst others he was particularly regarless of truth, to such an extent in fact that occasion ally the good old Judge found it necessary to punish him. It was the custom in those days for the town constable to administer a flogging for a consideration whenever the master was disinclined to oflioiate, and the constable of this particular town had a severe reputation for proficiency amongst the darkeys who had now and then been so unfortunate as to come under his hands. Jake, al though he had never been there, was well posted, and had a great repug nance to Massa G , who was the incumbent at that time. On one occasion during the Christmas days, while the old Judge was quite severe ly indisposed, Uncle Jake had been guilty of a misdemeanor, and pun ishment was deemed necessary, so the Judge wrote a note to the constable about as follows : Mr. G : Please give the bearer thirty-nine lashes and charge to mo. JI’DOK II Calling up Undo Jake the Judge ordered him to carry the note It) G , who would give him a grub lung hoe. Jake started off up town, but his suspicions were aroused. He couldn’t understand what the Judge wanted with a grubbing hoe at (Jhnsimas time, and his conscience was not as clear as it should have been, the result of his suspicion was that the truth suddenly flashed upon him— he was to be whipped. Seeing a school boy appro idling, he took out the note and said : “.Massa llob, what is dis note ? got so many dis inornin, I got em mixed.” The boy read the note and explain ed its contents to who whis tled and laughed to himself as a bright idea stiuck him. Calling a negro buy, who was near, Jake said : “Boy, does you want to make a quarter “Of course I does.” “Well, take dis note down dar, to Massa G , ami git a garden hoe, and I’ll wait here till you comes back* an’ den I gives you a quarter.” The boy hurried off to accomplish his errand, and in due course deliv ered the note to G , who took him into the yard, locked the gate, and proceeded, despite the boy’s pro (e«tations of innocence, to administer the desired flogging, while Jake hur ried off home, chuckling over the happy result of what might have been serious busiuess for him. That evening the Judge called him up, and inquired : •‘Jake, did you get that grubbing hoe ?” “No, massa; I give a boy a quai ter to folch dat note to Massa G , and I spec he got dat hoe.” “YVhat are you about, my dear?” said a grandmother to a little boy, who was idling about the room, and casting furtive glances at a gentleman who was paying a visit. “I’m trying to steal papa’s hat out of the room without letting the gentleman eee it, for papa wants him to think he’s out.” A little boy whs sent to the store for some eggs. Before reaching home he dropped them. In answer to his mother who a»ked, “Did you break any ?’’ lie replied, “No,I didn’t break anv, but the slwlls came ofl some of them.'’ RATES OF ADVrHTI'IYG. space 3 mo’3. C me’3. 2 moV. 1 '"ID re 4 400 t, r.) 1-j : 2 Sq'rs t; no Jo mi I J. ,j 3 sqr’s I 800 14 .n [ V.b < >4 col. I 12 011 20 0u I cos. 2 ) 00 35 00 i one col. 40 00 "5 Of' | The money for advertisements 1,- <Js ; on the first insertion. A square is the space of one inch in depth of the column, irrespective of tit number of lines. •Marriages and deaths, not excocdi six lines published free. Fora man ml vertwing his wife, and nil other personal matter, doable rates will f>e charged. No. 38. Female Pleasant rles, “I heard it!’’ “Who told you?’’ “Her friend!’’ (?) "You don’t say so?’’ “ Tis dreadful!” “Yes, awful!" “Don’t tell it, I prnj?” “Good gracious!” “Who’d think it?” “Well! well! well!” “Dear me!” “I’ve had my “.Suspicious!” “Ar-J 1, too, you see?” “ Lord help us!” "Poor creature!” “So artful! ’ “So sly!” “Xq beauty!” “Quite thirty” ‘ Between you and I!” “I’m going!” “Ds stay!” “I can't!” ‘ I'm forlorn!'’ “Fmtwill, dear!” ‘ Good-bye, sweet!” “I’in glad she s gone!” There is a German girl hoggins in Boston, who has no hands, but car ries a IP tie tin box strapped about her neck for the reception of coin. .She is said to he “the possessor of a line house in this city, and to be now building a row of tenement bouse in Brooklyn from the funds gat timed in her peculiat calling.” What a Grant ollice holder she would make! Hopeless infatuation—A young Indy has taken up dentistry for a living. All the gentlemen patron ize her One* young man has be come hopelessly infatuated with her. Consequently lie hasn't 1 tooth in his head She lilts pulled out every one of them, and mad. him two new sits and ptt’J J t! ; out. As (he early mop in ■; train drew up at the first stn'ion a ple.t-ant iobking genl'eiiiHii p | l ed out on ll,> platform, and inhaling the fjv !i ai: enthusiastically exclaimed, to (I brnkeman : “Isn’t this lev -• ■ ~tii;-* “No, sir; it is Bethel,” said '.ln ••• scietiiions employes*. The plo.'e'e.M. looking gentlemen retired. A gentleman of Centerville, Indi ana, was tecently lying very lov when, being a personal friend, an un derlaker thought to call on the sir I man and pay his respects, but, to h;s great surprise and astonishment, as soon as he enieied the sick room in* w.is greeted with, ‘ \\ hat in the li —1| do yoa want here! When I need von I’ll send for you.’’ : —•*••• The elegant and accomplished hill posters ol Louisville advertise their business, and also “creaie for them selves a permanent nieh in the tern ple of fame,” by distiibuting,periodi cally, a few thousand memoiandu books among their patrons, ami now everv citizen of that place keeps a diary “Gentlemen, where do you think tuat beefsteak comes from ?” said the landlord, planting his thumbs in his waistcoat arm holes. “From near the horns,” was tho quiet reply of one of the hoarders. It is singular, but that landlord has not put any conundrums to those boarders since. A novel yet simple device has serv ed to destroy an unpleasant echo iu the new court house at Bloomington, Illinois. Three wires were stretch; ed across the room at a proper height. The theory is that the wires break the sound waves and prevent reverberation She tripped lightly o’er the cros sing, lisping “Dear Augustus,’ and was on thejpoint of en bracing him, when a rude hey tan up,slid holding out a bundle of papers, cried Jout, “Misses, you dropped your reading room," and shied away xlown a dat;. ;> l| t *y— Current lU::.