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THE WEEKLY GWINNETT HERALD. |i H PEKPLKS, ( I a kd P« >pbiitor. | ■ Ihk Inn du I IrliSiD M*R* *' £PI£ S A. bowles. Igt Klf TIOK HAIES : El 2 ir.os., *1.50 in advance, fcynios., .75 iuadvauce. Mamoa , .50 in advance. I Enough fur Everybody I AS— ■idt’r/f Medium M. titißALl) is untqualed by ■ a/ Us extensive circulation anu ■ ( .£ u i/y line /ates. businessmen fi member this. &NKS BL.ANNS ! BLA (jjILIUMKiJtU PRINTKU) |)R SAL E A T T H E liJ. - T) dC, J LHJ< J &N Jr i oIIM Y DIKKCTORY HiHNOLAY s”MiIH, Mayor. ■ COUNCIL. ■ |, Moore, K D Herrin. W K Brown Brown ANU UKeARTL RK OF TRAIN lor Suwannee, 7 a- iu Hunt AND DKPARTURR OF MAILS. - Arrives 12 in, depart* i Stork. Departs 0a in ur Monday and Thursday. Aruves 10 a in. de 1 p ui. -Daily. Hivkr. Aii ivr-12 in., de- Hh i a u.,,M eloesday and Saturday 1 W. H. HaRVKY. p. M. |fl CHU ROHRS o..r -R. v ,1 k kino, Pastor. on ilit- Ist and 3tli Sundays. School. - A T Puttilln, Supt Sunday at 3 p in -Rev .1 K Vl t -< lellaml. Hror. Services un did Snudar in each Hoik. Scnoni. Tlt I*.-well. Supt. Sunday al 2.2 ) a no Hi .»*»tscKvn.i.R Masonic Jaipur.--R W M., 8 A Hagund, S W„ JW. Meets on Tuesday no or betu e f ull moon in each Hi Ik. HMt Ysrnon Chaptkr, No 32, R A H-J 0 Spence. H P, a T Pattillo, Hr Meets 3rd Fiiday in »aeh month. HUwnnktt Smtßioß Court—N. L. Judge. Convenes on the lot Busliy in Mareli and September. ■ COUNTY OFFICKRR. HCuamaiioNwiu— l L) Spence, Chair HdUetli, N Bennett, Jeftersonßritt, J H Hupaim, J K Cloud. J M Pattereou. H|»Mka»y-J T Laniktu. n.iKt $ C-D T Cain. Hu Kici!ivßß..(i_W Pharr. Hju Moixsctor- IJ C Lowery. K N Robinson IwAMrJI rrceutlv located in 11 win °uuty tenders liis profeasioual Physician to the citizens alientiou to all calls will be VS 0 * *nd lesideiice at the resi ti’siuon the Hurricane Hwohmu 1884—Uino ([Farm Loans. H r loans on improved id Middle and Northern negotiated on cheaper any one in Atlanta. H Addres, ■I f'HANCIS FONTAINE, ■ Fitter Building, 1 , Atlanta Ga. I l (1 l Blth.— Into. I in mX li^( ' >KriLL h\ a A HV U “unday Ihe 2tith inei., the H»«f«igned will open the Globe iu Lawrenceville, for the ac H“modatioH of the I $ H:*" 11 b * prepared to offer tirat ■ni: mmodttll °UH and prompt ■““ontoall who patronize the Rouse. ■v A -J< L. BATHS. Bf4aLaTB.WAHT.rr. f » ff ygsps” 'TfouteJ. Vhe most L« i \r Ml f -J, 1 ■■■■ ■■ ■' MISOEI I,ANY THE OLD CHEKftY FKRM ' Sech a reediklis to do !’’ de claved Aum Luraiuey Mulfoid ‘l th a’d say Hazel wasn’t in her same senses P The Mill ford connection, fur and near, were terrible exercised over the fact that Ha zel Heatherion had invested six hund red dollars for the fcherty Farm. ‘•A w .ru out old place that ani’t wuth shucks l They asserted. When uncle Heeekiah died, leav ing a thousand dollars apiece to each of his two unmarried nieces the two, of ihe girls were looke I upon as heiresses by the numer ous kin folk living in aud around the little village of the Dripping Springs. But when Haze), in spite of all opposition, persisted in investing six buudred dollars for her lega cy in the farm, as already stated, and invited Aum Comfort Mulfoid to live with her, their discontent knew no bounds. “She 'might cf invested Ler money safe with me,” com plained Uncle Zeke, “an’ I’d give her five p«r cent iu trust on it. She could o’lived gooji on it ; but no, she must go an’ spend her money 'fore Uncle He zski h was fairly cold iu his grave ” “That ole place won’t grow nothie’ but pusley aDd cockle buire,” | groaned Aunt Lurainey, “she'lljstsrve to death on it shore. “It'll be a jedgement on her if she does,” declared Uncle Zeke grimly shaking bis head as he lighted hiefcoh pipe with a coal from the fireplace. An 4 the rest of tbe kip folks, ageed with hint, and prophesied all manner of ill fortune for Haz el. AH, that is. with the excep tion of Cousin John Mulford and his wife Arvilla. They upheld her in h6r unpop nl a r proceeding. Cousin John even went aua mended the roof of the leaky * but picturesque little cottage, which stood on a grassy hillside, sheltered by the sweeping branches of half a dozen or more bit ek heart cherry trees which had given tbe place its name. “It’s a pretty, place,” averred Cousin John, “An Haze) will have a home there if the ain’t got nothin’ else. Her an’ Aunt Coin fort’ll live as happy as cows in a clover field. “She might of bought a lot in town, if she must have proppity,’ they grumbled. But Hazel only laughed at their fore bodings. “I never bad a home of.my own," she said, “And I guess the old place willj support me an’ Aunt Comfort as well as the’robius that live upo* the cherry trees.’ Aud when the three tiny rooms of the litlle cottage wsre scoured as cleaa as soap could make them the walls uewly whitened, aud the rooms filled with pretty housbold furniture Haze) bad bought, and and which Cousin John hr ought out with his ox team, the young mistress of Cherry farm felt a ae reus content in her possessions that all tbs ill natured forebod ing# Mulford clan failed to dis turb. “Tbsr yeu air, Haxel—Snug as as a bug in a rug !’’ said Cousin John, mopping his face with his red cettoa hankercbeif, as he star ted the slumbering oxen on thei r homeward way. “An’ when you git yer plunder all put to rights, me an’ Arvitly’ll come an’ make you a visit. “Be sure you do cried,” Ha zel brightly. “An’ when the cher rtes are ripe, Arvilla can have ail si e wants to put up.” Melzeua Mulford, Uncle Huze kiah’sother legs 1 ee, was no lest loud ir her denunciation of Haz le’s investment. “How does she ever expect to git married I’d like to kuow," sl.e commenced, “away off in that lonely place, with nobody but poky Aunt comfort for eompauy ? But I don’t care, I'm sure, if she want’s to make an o/d maid of het self. I’m a-goiu to have the good J of the money while I'm young.” Lawrenceville Georgia, Tuesday July 29, 1884, She accordingly indulged her self in the purchase of numerous and expensive dresses and gew gaws, hanged and frizzed her hair in ihe latest style, carritd a scar let parasol in her vilage walks and alter enjoying ihe triumph of ex hibiting herself aud her new pos sessions to the inhabitants of Dripping Springs, she announced her inteution of going to the sea shore for the summer. “Going a husband hunting, - ’ de dared the gossips. “There ain’t nobody good enough for her in Dripping Springs!’’ Bui if Melzena heard them she paid no heed to their gossip, but packed her big new Saratoga trunk with her uew finely, and set out on her journey As the weeks passed on , Hazel aud Aunt Comfort enjoyed them selves in their Dew home, in spile of the evil prognostications. And indeed, though the dissat isfied kinfolk still shook their heads over Hazel and her doings they were very well pleased to drive out to the farm on summer afternoons, aud eat their fill of lipe black-heart cherries, or drink ea from Hazels dowered-china tea-cup; or to spend the day, and dine ou fried chicken, green peas, uew putatoes anti other early veg etables, laised by the inJustry of Hazel and Aunt Comfort, with tv little help from Cousin John and his hiied hand, Mike. ******* “Married! No; nor I don’t nev er expect to be," solemnly asserted Mr. Nicholas Bycroft, as he fasten ed tue hasp of his trunk, and took down his breech loading rifle to see that it was in order. For Mr. Nicholas was making tiiial preparations for his journey to Texas*where he was going in to stoek-ruiaiug on a cattle ranen of several hundred acres. “Get married indeed !’’ he con tinued, muttering to himself. “Tbe>e ain’t more’u one girl in a hundred I’d have, an’ like as not that one wouldn’t have me. If thera was a girl, now that thought of anything beside a-curling her hair aud dressing herself up in silk* and furbelows, an’ had any idee of what a home ought to be, I dun kn >w but I might— But pshaw! if there is any sich girl s, I've never come aeross ’em an nev er expect to. I'll be an old bach elor and live by myself, like Uncle Tom.” ***** ‘Bless me. Hazel,” cried Aunt Comfort, one bright, summer morn ing, “here’s your Cousin John an’ Arvilly a-comin out in the spring wagou, an’ a man with ’em. Who kiu it be’ ’Tam’i the minister, I know, fur he’s more grizzled look in' an' haint. got a piuted mustache like this one.” It was baking-dry, and Hazel was in the kitchen, her sleeves rolled up. aud uer cheeks flushed to a bright damask red. “1 hope the best tabie-eloth is cleau. whoever it is," she returned peeping iuto the even at a pan of cherry tarts, that were almost swimming iu their own crimson juice. The strarger with the “pin/ed must a ihe," proved to be Mr. Nich olas Bvcroft, who has stopped on his journey to spend a week with his cousiu Arvilla, John Mulford s wife. Mr. Bycroft’s visit to the Cheery Farm was by no means his last one aud for some reason or othsr hir week’s visit stretched to a month and the month had almost doubled itself and still he lingered a* his cousiu’s near DtppingSpriugs One summer night he stood with Hazel on the latticed porch at Cherry Cottage, ti e soft moon beams flittering down through the scarlet bean vines overhead. •‘There ain't another woman | in the world I ever wautod to mar ry, Hazel —only you!” whispered Nicholas, earnestly. “I want a j wife that can help me to make a ’ home aud to enjoy it after it is made. Think of my big ranch, | out in Texas, now. I shall live there a lonely old bachelor all my days, unless you go with me Say Hazel, will you go?’’ And so, much to the delight of C tusiu John's folks, aud the sur - t prise of other relations, the wea DEVOTED TO NEWS, LITERATURE AND LOCAL AFFAIRS thy cattle rancher carried Hazel off, to be mistress of his Texas home. Aunt Comfort was left in posses sion of Cherry farm, rent free, for the rest of her days; and here, Melzeua Mulfoid was glad to seek an asylum wheu she returned from tbo seashore, with only a remnant of her legacy left, ana with no prospecis of marriage set dements on hand. A Lively Csr|M« Richmond. Tex., July 18.—On Wednesday as Hauuah Burton, aged twelve, was returning from school, she was met by Webb Het tan. on ex-convct, who attacked, outraged and then killed hei, bury ing her body in John’s creek, eight miles from here. Shortly afier ihe girl’s clothes were found torn, muddy and bloody. Learning that Hettan was seen running from the place a short time before the neighbors made search and ar rested him. lie confessed and took the party where he had buri ed the oody The officers started for Richmond with tbs prisoner. They tied his hands behind him and put r rope urouud his neck- Th y were met by an infuriated crowd who took the prisoner, tied him to a tree und sl.ot him fifteen times, when he fell apparently dead Ihey took the rope off and .est him for dead. After the par ty nad left Hatton got up, went home, dressed his wound and left On Thursday morning the coro ner went out to hold an inquest, but the remains had disappeared. The oflicers are now hunting for the corps. Ex-t.ov. Benj. F. Butler, of Ma v sachusetts, candidate for presi-' deni on the greenback and anti monopoly ticket's, was at tti« Fi/tk Avenue hotel yesterday. He •would not coutide his plans to the reporters. He left the hotel at 8 p. m., to take the train for Wash ington. A few minutes before he lef., ex-Senator Grady of Tamma ny hall called and had a short in terview with him. Mr. Grady would not communicate the results to the reporters. As General Bat ler left the hotel he was met by a reporter of The Sun, and the fol lowing conversation occured : “l’he Sun would like to know what you are going to do in the political campaign, general.” “The Sun can't kuow for I don’t kuow myself." “Are you going to vote for Cleveland ?” “Yes—no.” “How is that—yes or no ?” “Both ” “Well if won’t talk, 1 sup pose we cannot make you talk ?" “No; it is the old story of the meeting of the irresistable force aud immovable body. Goodnight.' —N. Y. Sun. APEKANI ES ARE DEIiETMJL A very tall girl wearing a Mcth ee Hubbard dress, stepped ou a platfoi m scales at Coney Island, aud informed the propietor that she wished to be weighed He placed a 200 pound weight on thejbcok.'and tbe suddenneae with which it came down brighter ed him. Then he tried a one hun dred and fitly pound weight with the same result. ‘Strange,’ he muttered with a peiq lexed look at the girl, some thing must be wrong witli the sea les. Finally, after repeated attempts be informed her, in a dubious tone of voice, that she weighed just eighty-nine pouuds “ Thank you," she said, handiig him the nickel), “I seem to be gaiuing,’ and she tripped away. Then ths amazed scaleman look ed after Her, aud remarked: *' omo young feller will gel ter ribly fooled by that Mother Hub bard. Their VI lee toe Dude Augustus—“Aw ! yaas. lam well protected againet the sun ye knavv.” George—“ln what way.’’ Dud* Agustus—“l, aw, hava aw hat filled with cabbage leaves, ye, kuaw but d'ye know I cawn't see why cabbage leaves should be so good Er that, ye kt>aw. “Because that is what they were made for.” The Had Hoy “What a the trot.hie now be tween you and your pi?" asked lit groieivu.su ot the t ad bey, as he cam* d„wo the alley on u |uuip »i.«r cam bug over tne beck lenee st tus bou*e in a Dui ry, attire-1 on lj iu a panto vud shirt aud a coat of perspiration. “There’s your pe looking ov;r tbe fence now. and shaking a piece of barrel stave this way. WLat have you been up to?” “O, just been doing what pa told me to," as be picted up the cover of a laisiu box aud begau to fan himself. “You see, pa is one of these funny fellows. In a cold day in winter he will come to the table and ask in a where iiis linen cost is, and why .-he don't put up the mosquito bars. He thinks it is smart. This morning it. was hot enough to roast eggs on the sidewalk, and pa came dowD to breakfast aud asked where his •exlskiu cap ai.d gloves wtrt, and then h» turned to me and s id, ‘Hennery, why haven’t you built a fire in the furnace? Want ua all to freeze to death? If you cant keep a fire in tuefurnace I will know the reason why, amt then be laughed, and wiped tbe sperspira'ion off his face. I thoi gjt it would he a good joke to take pa at bin word, that two could be as cunning as well as one, sol went down iu the base ment and built a Jiie inthe fnrnac with kindling wood, and put on a lot of coal. After breakfast pt. ■at down in the parlor to read the paper, and he began to git a hot box. It was warm enough with out any fire, about niu ety in the shade, and pa began to hea t rip. I went through the parlor and I said I guessed it was going to be afg'orcher. and a man *mlii sunsiruck, if he went out doom. Pa is alraid of being sunstruck, so be wouldn’t go eut. He sa t (litre trying to read, and pulled off hie vest ami collar and cuffs, and Loots and tried to find a cool place. He went up staiis, but it wag hotter there, and he came down puffing. The minister and two deacon* calls llota k w ith pa about the p'ceic tliey “re g ing 11 ha Ve i< xt weak, tt'ul they s>i 1 ;t wii .I t Lot list day ev.T aitw. Pa said if 1 ull was any hot er tiau Milwau Ite i had no chinos fur him, und the minister tu d this we 1 1i er vns a refrigerator car iu cmpamoii with what pa would meet inter hereafter, if ha didn’t th’ tige his com sc. Pa <in uta 1 at the •• n iater for being so personal, li t lie w»n. on talking about tl.e p onic The mi’.istur lo keJ at the her uioineter .u lit was a hut di ed an.) six. and he said he di.'u': go iut of that h use, till after st.n dowr, nt if lie kuew it Pa sug gested tl ut tl t Uiinifli r M.d tl.e deacons take off their c.«i a and t' ing-. and so they » tipped . ff licit things and tat around and I ill. d. The minister sai l as pa he committee on lemonade for the picnic, l.c letter make some then, so they could see if he knew Lis 1 usiuess, an 1 pu seto me to the ki'cheu to make some. There was ouly one lemon, so I asked the girl for sone lemon ex tract, B he gave me a bo.tie of ci trate of magnesia, whi-b she said was sj tear like lemon ud.- tiny couldn’t c « lie diff rence, and I p,urtd a quart of th t iu the lem onade j.itcher, and sweetene I it and took it in the parlor. Well yru’d a dide o sou them drink it, and p.rspire They talked pic nic and :ooked a‘, the thermome ter and spoke disrespectfully of the weather, and I sat around and watched them from on top of ths ics box about an hour, when sud denly they dido t drink any more lemonade, cause it was all gone. Paweut in the kitchen, Mi l I saw him examining the bottle that I got the lemon extract out of, and he picked up a peice of battel; stave and went hack in h« parlor aud just then the min ster, who : had sat his chair over the regi.-ter ; to get ths draft of cold a.r, :o’d , pa tLere was hot air coming up t 1 s register. »rut pa aud the deacons examined all the registets, and foutd that the air was hot, and than they looked at each other, end pa came to the door and spoke kindly, and said, ‘Hennery, come in here; your pa wauta to speak to ! yon about sosaething,’ but I knew ; ho was holding a barrel stave be hind him to hide it, aud I didu't ’come here Hennery,’ not very much. I think a boy can ’most always te>l when it is hsalthy not -corns here Hennery.’ Just as the minister looked at the thei mometer and said it was a hun dred and twenty, aud rna came in the front door front her market ing, and shouted fire I went out the back wiv and got over the fence a lit'le ahead of th. barrel stave, which str»*k thef'eace right under me. I ain’; no oowaru ou* I am like the fellow that tun away from the fight aud said, as the chairs and bungst.vrters began to fly through tue / ir, he decided to get out honor ably, an<l the ouly way to get out houot ably was to ge' out quick Fa will get over being matt at tw-lve thirty, und I will go home to dinner. I guess the picnic meeting has adjourned, as the ministers aud the deacons are coming up the sidewalk with their coats on their arms. Pa is one of these fellows likes a joke if it is on somebody else. The other day a friend come to our house, and Pa wanted to play a trick on him, so he said In would git him around in the back of the.house, andgetliim into the hammock, and as soon as he was in he wan ted me to reach around the corn er of the boose a id cu' the tope o* the tree ami cut him down. When I (nought it was aiout time for Pa to get the man in the ham mock I cut i he rope ami come out to help I’a ’augh ai the fellow. I was surprised to find ilmt the fel low vvas setting on a bench, and Pa liatl gone down with (lie Imm mock, and he wav making up the awfrlest face ever was. Hi* pants was split from Dan to Beer sheba, ami he made a dent in ti e ground as big as a six quart milk pan. The fellow laughed bit l Pa was mad, and said I didn't lmvt no sense. He wanted to kuow why I,din’t 100 k wha jl was doing, and wheu I told him J did, he was mad amin. and said I didn't have no veneration. If my tickets didn’t draw any veneration, how was Ito blame ? I did just as Pa told me to. How was J to know it was Pa iu the hammock in Htiad of the other fellow. It is mighty hard to do everyhing right ain’t it ? Don’t you think our folks are in luck that I do Jso few things wrong?” The grocetyman said lit thought they were in luck tha' they weie alive,and as the badjboy went out of the back door his Pit came iu the front door and asked the price ot lettuce, and looked all arouQd the store as if he had lost something about tbe size ol the ba boy. Early yesterday afternoon Pa trolman ltapp, while on d/arietta street, ran upou a small three year-old boy who had lost his bear ing and could not thid his way home. The little fellow watt hut less and his pretty eyes were red from crying, while bis handsome face bad been scorched by the sun until it was inmost blistered.— The patrolman approached the child kindly, but so badly was he frightened that he could not talk. However, by carefully watching the little fellow, the patrolman as certained that the little fello.i’s father was a railroad man. The child was taken to the city prison, where he soon became the pet of alt the men. Station house-keep, r Foute, gave him his undivided at tention and managed to keep him iu good humor until about eight o’clo:k lavt night when Mr. W. P. Lothar, who resides on Gilmer street, at the corner of Calhoun, entered the city prison and claim ed the child as his. Whet. Mi Lolher entered the office the boy saw him, and running up cried ; “Papa, papa. Here is your boy.’ This was the first the child had Baid after being picked up by pa trohnau Rapp. The father was greatly pleased at finding his lost child. He said that the little fsl low left home about noon and that he was missed soon after his de parture and a dilligent search was quickly instituted for him bu without success. When Mr. Mo ther entered the city prison it was for the purpose of secuiing aid in prosecuting the search further.— He was not long in ttking his chi'd in his arms arid leaving for home. Guns itutiou. Cheerfulness is an excellent wearing quality,, and has beou j called the brigii t weatlo r of the . heart. | A ‘fromtier’ settlement is fre quently mads with a shotgun. Do your women customers both er you much?’ asked a citizen who was talking with a Woodward ave nue grocer the other morning. ‘Well, they seldom want to pay the prices. It seems natural for them to want toj heat down the figures. There pomes one now who probably wants strawberries. Here are some fresh ones at fif teen cents per quart, and yet if 1 slioul 1 ask her only eleven she d WHitl ’em for ten .' ‘Hav, try it on, just for a joke— If Hhe asks the price put it at eleven.' The grocer agreed, ami presently the woman came up, counted the sixteen boxes of berries tinder her note, and, of course, inquired : ‘Have yov any strawberries this morning ‘Yes’rn.’ ‘Fresh ones?' ‘Yes’in ‘ln quart boxes ?’ ‘Y es'm.’ •How much ?’ ‘Only eleven cents per box, madam ’ ‘l’ll take the whole lot,’ she quietly observed, as site Itandel out a*s bill ; and hike tin she (lit). The citizen disappeared at tha’ moment, and the grocer somehow believes that it was a put up Job between the two. Detroit. Free Press. “Yes," said the father, stroking his son’s head fondly, “James is u bright intelligent hoy. aud some day I hope to see him occupying an exalted position in politics," “He is certainly a fine Lid,’’ tic quiesced the visitor. “What do you expect to do, James, when you grow to be a man ?’’ ‘ Well. 1 hardly know My am 01 * lon l* now io riu honest aim truthful and manly, and treat peo pie squarely and fairly, and study In.rd to be respected by every body.’’ “Well saitl, my boy, |\vell said,” Then the visitor added in an un dertone to tho old gentleman ; “W’liat do ycu think of James occupying an exalted posit’on in politics, some day ?” “Well, I think that if he carries out IDs present intentions he is likely to gel left. Young Doctor—“Y es, I have a patient at last, and I am in a terri ble fix.” Sympathizing Friend—“ Can’t you understand his disease?” “Oh, there is no trouble about that.’’ “Then where does the fix come in !” “You see, he is a notorious swiu dler, never pays a bill if lie can help it, amt besides, he has no proj erly.” “Well?” “Well, if 1 kill him, I can’t ge. anything." “ Then don’t do it.” “But if I cure him, he will get away. ” Said a nervous visitor to an Aus tin lmly at whose house was mak ing a call. “Are you not afruid that some of your children will fall imo that cistern oi your yard ?’’ “Oh, no,” was the complacent leply, anyhow, that's not the cis ter a we get our drinking water from A little girl sat on the floor cry ing. After aw'dle she stopped and seemed buried in thought. Looking up suddenly she said : “Mama, what was I crying about! ’ “Because 1 wouldn't let you go down town.” “Oh, yes,’’ and she set up an other Howl. “That lady is handsome, but she looks as if she bad a temper of liar own." remarked one drummer to another on a train the other day “You read character correctly,” was th ■ reply. “Why, you speak us if you were acquainted with tier!’ “Well, I am, slightly. I mar lied her some ten years ago ’ A little 4-year-old said to his mother last week: “Mother, Ibe lieve God thinks I'm dead.” Why? asked the mother somewhat, aston ished at the remark. “Cause I haven’t said my prayers for a week." jVol. XIV.—No 18 The original laud league—three □lilt s. Does the night mail go by the bed post ? Artist Gaugen gigl ought to eo and live in Tehe ran. F< w women are blest with the gift of occasional silence. Although a girl may be fast, she won't do to fie to. A good coconu is meaty, hu l falliugstar is a meteor. Many a dry time iu business is helped out by a heavy due. A bunion is spoken of as a uob by thing iu low cut shoes. Die poorest of all poor relations —telling a good story badly. ‘llainiliops on tbo roof.’ Of course it drops ou the roof. Thais what the roof is for. A southern ilarkey calls her ba by ‘Winter,’ because lie is a 'nip ping und a nigger heir. The name of a new novel is tie Eleveath Hour. The author regu lnrlv retired at midnight. Ban-els of gin have taken to sx ploding. There must be some terrible schnapps 'when they go of!’. To he a good swimmer the mouth shonld always be kept shut. Women are seldom good swimmers. Seeking for fame without poses ing the proper qualifies)ins is like goind crabbing vvi’hout a scalp net. To err is human, which goes to prove the superhuman nature of the e liter of the independant newspaper. A man may like to stand on the piuucle of fame, but he does not cure to sit. down on the first part of it. You may consider yr urseif much better than some body else but. you can't prove it to his satis* faction, any how. Massachusetts has more letters in it than Mississippi, but the lat ter is a longer word—a miss is as good as a mile. Julia Ward Howe saje women do not fall in love any more. P«r haps not, but they continue to have all the symtons. 11 ow to protect harness from rats is told by the Germantown Telegraph, as follows: ‘Bats, when they ate hungry—which they always are—will eat harness. A correspondent informs us that if, alter greasing the harness, it is dusted with cayenne pepper, they w ill not disturb it. Another cor respondent says that a coat of oar bolic ucid, following the greasing, is a sure protection. Either or both of these may be, for all we know, personally, a sure protec tion ; but we have a method that we never found to fail, to wit: Haag the harness carefully up, and high enough out of reach of this destructive rodent, aud off from anything tha 1 , may offer as stsiunce to get to the harness, aud you m < d not have any fear of in jury from the hungry rat. The following complaints eonfin ed Smith to his bed for a week: Worms. H-eadaehe. Indigestion, F-tomach ache. K-idueys out of order. E rysipelas. Y ellow jaundice. He who makes the best of life losses tire worst of death. The creanr of experince is ob tained from spiled milk. It is a good rule to be deaf wneu a slanderer begins to talk. The immortal saying “there (is always room at t n e top," was ia vented by a ho‘el clerk. Hold on your good name, for iz is of more value than gold high places or tashioubl a tire.| Dealer—“ Yes, th ese straw ber ries are perfectly fresh. Just recieved’em this morning." Customer—“ What is the price?’’ “Only twenty cents a box now.” (Examining them) “Toohigh; too high.” “Why, madam, twenty cents a box at this season is not at all high. It is low.” “I was not referring to the ber ries.” “To what, (hen ?” “To the bottoms of the boxes." “I was a fuel not to follow my own judgement. I knew if we sent the aoy away from home be would go to perdition," sobbed Mrs. Blimber, looking up from a letter which she had been read ing- I “Why, what a the mat er with the boy ?" asked Mr. B. calmly. “Matter 1" ejelainaed bis wife, he’s joined a baseball club.," : . s