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Jefferson News & Farmer.
r THE
ttiEWS & FARMER.
" BY
ROBERTS BROTILijis.?
'Published every Thursday Morning
* AT
£pjJIBVILLE t QtE'OAGJA.
PKICS 0# SUBSCRIPTION.
,y INADVANCE.
A One obpy qpe year.:.. .v-7-«
" “ «* m0nth5............ - JfcW
> « « throe m0nth5............ 60
/For a Club of FIVE or more we wiU make •
faction of 25 per cent. i_ j fiYiU
. AD VEBTISINCT SATES 7
iAA* rl g , g mt s &&l*r Mn
Aonare (ten linei oftms oo*one’!nch ! ) iur
the first insertion and 75 cents for each siibse-.
qnent insertion. ,A GberaLdeducUon made on
advertisements running over one month.
Local notices will be charged Fifteen cents
per line each insertion.
dr All bills fbrj>d*crtiaing due at any time
Niter the first insertion and will be presented
K the pleasure of the Proprietors, except by
special arrangement.
fr LEGAL ADVERTISING.
Ordinary’s Citations for Letters of Administra
tion, Guardianship &c $5 00
fqr dism’n from adm’n 6 00
notice. 3 00
Bu>pHeation for dism'n from gnard’n 5 00
Application for leave to sell land. 5 00
Notice to Debtors and Creditors 4 00
Kales of Land,y>er square of lea lino.. 500
4wles of personal per sqr, ten day 5........ 2 00 ,
Sheriff't —E»cb levy of ten linet 5 00
sales of ten lines or lees 5 00
Sax Collector’s sales, per sqr., (3 mouthslO 00
*CUrVt —Foreclosure of mortgage aud
ether monthly’s per square....... 5 00
JEstray notices thirty days 4 00
sfeofe»sfon<il ffiaris.
G. Cain. J. H. Polhill
CAIN & POLHILL, -
ATTORNEYS AT LAW
LOUISVILL, GA.
May-6, 1871. I ly.
K. W. Carswell. W. F. Denny.
Carswell & Denny
.tTTOH.riil-S .IT WW
LOUISVILLE, GEORGIA,
WILL practice in all the Counties in the
Middle Circuit. Also Burke in Angus
£a Circuit. All business entrusted to their
care will meet with prompt attention.
Nor. 3.27 ly ‘
F W. H. Watkins, E. L„ Gamble.
WATKINS & GAMBLE
' ATTORNEYS AI LAW.
. fturtfisijnit, <K.T.
A. F DURHAM, M- D.
Physician and burgeon.
Sparta, Ga,*
SUCCESSFULLY treats Diseases of tlie
Lungs and Throat, diseases of the Eye,
Nose and Ear, aud all forms of Dropsey ; dis
eases of the Heart Kidneys, Bladder and Stric
ture, secre diseases, long standing Ulcers. —
Removes Heinoi rheidal Tumors witnout pain.
Makes a speciality of diseases peculiar to Fe
males. Medicines sent to any point on the
Nailroad. All correspondence confidential.
F?by 15. i ß *< iy
MARSHAL HOUSE,
Sa panhau, oa.
X. B. UICE,— Proprietor-
BOARD PER DAY $3.00
A——— j _
Lanier House,
' Mulberry Street,
MACON GEORGIA,
b.
t wim s
Free Onaibn, frouand to (he Depot.
McCOMB’S HOTEL,
MilledgeriUD, Ga
M* H* McCOMBi— Proprietor
BOARD PER DAY $3.00
HoljsE.
“ 88,
Good JBoara lu rnisned “Ly (he
month, week or day. Charges
moderate. .
Oct. 16ih vm*
PALMER HOUSE.
258 Broad St„r Anpsta, Ga-
Over A. C. Foce’s Shoe Store.
I£rs. S* J. PAIIMEIL Proprietress.
H« D. STANLKY, Clerk.
Good Board furnished by the Month Week
or Day at (easonable|r&tes j ,
The Oldest Furnituif House in the State
PLATT BEOTHEES,
&W # JS m SB® AUD Bffo a
AUGUSTA, GA.,
Keep always on hand the latest
styles of
f B'IVITSI S
Os every vnrieiy manufactured, from
the lowest to (he highest grades.
» PAP.LOn,
DINING-ROOM,
AN©
Library, Complete Suits,
er Single Pieces,
At prices which cannot fail to auit
the purchaser.
Dec. 25th 1873. 3m.
liSiOHffiESffilSS
PRICE REDUCED.
THE BEST IN THE WORLD !
Will Last a Life-Time!
OP THE CELEBRATED
SROJBIN GER ORGANS.
IN DAILY USE
The best musical! talent of the '■ountry re
commend these Organs. The nicest and
best. More for your money, and gives better
satislaction, than any other now made.
They comprise the
Eureka, Concerto, Orchestra & Grands.
Illustrated Catplogm s sent by mail, pre
to any jiddress.upon application to
B. hHO'IMMK&IU
JTJS If MM.I fo.v.y.
Ma ch ,1874
TUB EASTMAN
HLISTi BUSINESS C0U.168,
ATLANTA, <i A. '
IS AN INSTITUTION FOR KUUCATIN.
YOUNG MEN FOR BUSINESS.
The best mode of Instruction ever adopted in
THIS OR ANY OTHER COUNTRY.
The course of study comprises
Every Variety of Business & Flnan e
From Betail to
Banking Operations,
By the great system of
Actual Business Instruction
BOOK KEEPING
In all its various method.,
Business Forms, Terms & Usages,
Business, Writing, Correspondence,
COMMERCIAL AIiIIHMEIl f
OODpiIEjIOJIM. LAW,
PARTNERSHIP SI ITU Ml NT
Detecting Counterfeit Money,
Bustapgp, Biography, thoroughly taught
AT*THB
E-A.sTm-A.isr
ATLANTA BUSINESS COLLEGE^
TH[E
QNLT SCHOOL IN THE £OUTH
CONDUCTED ON THE
'ACTUAL BUSINESS PLAN
M*«ll ifitmt'il t 4
THE
pgiiq «mm>.
Containing full information of the Course of
Instruction, will bstaaiW. free to Vny on*; by
ud,i *-• * "**-*■ 1 w • ' *' ’
DETWILER A MAGEE,
Conrer Peaobhee and Line Bt«.,
P, 0, Box S9B, Atlanta, Gfc.
iy No vaca ijni. Students ca enter at any
time. july3oa ly(4 7,
LOUISVILLE, JEFFERSON COUNTY. GA.. NOVEMBER 12.1874.
C. V. WALKER,
Auction CmmigsioD Merchant,
317, 319 & 321 BROAD STREET,
AUGUSTA, GA.
i
HAVING just returned from the Eeaster
and Western markets, I am now receive
dng fioily
E&SBASIB Fwarasss
of al! kinds which is sold only at
PRIVATE SALE,
At Wholesale Factory Brices,
With Freight and Commission added.
1 WILL GUARANIKE 10 SELL
As Cheap As Any House South I
Parties wishing to purchase
F U RN IT U R E
Will do well to call sxamine my stock
before purchasing elsewhere.
Special nducements to wholesale dealers.
Oct. 1, 1874. 2
NEW OFFERS!
NEW IDEAS!
SEE THE
Grand Gifts
OUT 1
Our Fireside Friend,
TO ITS SUBSCRIBRRS
Entirely now and unprecedented, and such
as wiil interest every one. You miss it if you
don’t send tor samples and full particulars
which are sent free.
SEE THE GREAT WATCH OFFER !
OUK FIRESIDE FRIEND is now In its
Fifth Volume, thoroughly estabablishcd as tiie
lending family and story Weekly in tlie Union,
his the largest ciiculaliun, and tlm best ap
pointed printing aud publishing establishment
and building iu the West. Is a large, eight
page illustrated and origidaal Weekly, price
if>3 <JU p.r year. Every subscriber receives a
magnificent premium and a share in the distri
bution. Subecribt now J
Wii WANT AGENTS.
We want a representative in every neighbors
hood. Nothing,equals it for agents, male or
female, young or old, Large Cath Waget and
a Superb Outfit, exclusive territory, Subscribe
by sending $3,00, and receive the paper one
year, a magnificent pn mium, a share in the
distribution, and receive ai.so Fr.mt a Com
pletete Outfit, or send for partirutars. Name
irrit ory desired in writing. Addiess
Watkks Sl Co.,{ Publishers. Chicago, 111-
June 4, 1874. 6m
Louisville Academy.
THE Fall Term «ill begin 2Ut September
and end 21st December next,
Tnitionßates ptr’l’erm, (13 wks) s6@ 12
Board ’* per month B@l6
Payment required one-half in advance, the
balance at close of Tetm.
The accounts of all who are entitled to the
benefit ol the Public rcliool Fund will be cred
ited with the pro rata from said Fund.
Prompt attendance at the opening of the
School is desirable.
For further, information apply to Piincipal
or Board of Trustees.
(J. A. HOLCOMBE, A. M. —Principal.
MRS. C. C. GOODE—Assistant.
I-ouiaville, Ua.,Set, 2nd 1874. 3m
.CENTRL RAILROAD.
GEN’L SUPT’S OFFICE, C. R. R. )
Savannah, October 10, 1873. J
ON and after SUNDAY the 12th Inst.,
Passenger trains on the Georgia Central
Railroad, its branches and connections, wil
run oliows :
going north and west.
Leave 5avannah.................. F;45 a m
Leave Augusta !):U5 p m
Arrive in Augusta 4:00 p m
Arrive in Macoq 6:45 p m
Leave Maceu tos Cohimbns........ 7:15 p m
Leave Macon for Eufsulal'. 9:10 p m
Leave Macou for Atlanta 7:30 p m
Arrive at Columbus 12:45 a in
Arrive at Eufaula ..10:20 a m
Arrive at Atlanta «... 1:40 a m
COMING SOUTH AND £A£T
Leave Atlanta 12:20 a m
Leave Eufaula...... 5:45 pm
Leave Columbus.' 1:30 a m
Arrl v e at Macon from Atlanta 6:30 am
Arrive at Macoq 'from Eiitaula...... 5:26 a m
Arrive af Macon ffotkt CoTumpua...... 6:45 a m
Leatle Ma00n.7..... 1.7........ 7:15 am
Arriyh at Augu5ta.;........ 4:00 p m
Arrive at Savtiunuh..., 5:25 p m
DAILY' TRAIN (SUNDAY EXCEPTED)
BETWEEN EATONTON AND MACON.
■ Leaving Eatonton 5:00 a m
Leaving Milleigeville.... 6M3 a m
i Arv t Mao 7:45 a m
! RETiIRNING.
1 Mac0n.....,; '...... 4:oopm
Arrives at M ledgesville ..’ll.. 7:14 p m
Arrives at Eatonton 9;00 p m
Connects daily at Gordon witfi' Passenger
Train to and rom SavanannAh and'Augusta,'
‘ "WM. ROGMJS, '
• opera! Suiperinteadcnt.
F. A. BRAHE & CO.,
DMirMKeRS IJ\ •
Jewelry, Silverware,
fib mmi SOQBS.
206 Broad Ft. Cor. Mclntosh
AUGUSTA, GEORGIA. *
October 24, 1873. 3 m .
A* J• MILLER & Cos„
Wholesale and Retail
FURNITUII
DEALERS,.
130 BSOUGH'O.I STREET,
Savannah, Ga.
Strict attention paid to Mattress making and
Upholstering. Country order • carefully pack
ed. Parties desiring to purchase would do
well to give us a call and examine our stock.
all EOODS WARRENTED,
October Ist. 1874. 21 (jm.
IlnoYher GHANOI!
FIFTH AND LiYGiFr CONCERT
IN AID OF THK
Public Library of Kentucky.
POSTPONED TO
NOVEMBUII3O, 1874.
DRAWING CERTAIN AT THAT DATE
LIST OP CX7TS.
Udo Grand Cash Gift $250,000
One Grand Cash Gift 100,000
One Grand Cash Gift 75,000
One Grand Cash Gift 50,000
5 Cash Gifts, $20,000 each, 100,000
10 Cash Gifts, 14,000 each, 140,000
)5 Cash Gifts, JO 000 each, 130,000
20 Cash Giits, 5,000 each. 100,000
25 Cash Gills, 4,000 each, 100.000
30 Cash Gifts, 3 000 each, 90,000
50 Cash Gifts, 2.000 each, Kill,OIK)
100 Cash Gilt-, I.OUO each, 100,000
240 Cash Gifts, 500 each, 120,000
500 Cash Gifts, 100 each, 50,000
19,000 Cash Gifts, 50 each, 050,000
Gr ar.d total 20,000 Gis al cash. 2,500,000
m:c>3 OP TXCISTS.
Whole Tickets..... SSO 00
Halves 25 00
Tenth, or each Coupon 5 00
II Whole Tickts for 500 00
22 j Tickets for 1,000 U 0
For Tickets and information, address
ill 'S. E BHAdlLtii iti,
AtiliNTN AND MANAGEI!,
Puciic Library Build.nj Louisville, Ky.
Newt Advertisements
FREE TO 800 AGENTS,
An Elegantly Bound Canvassing Book tor the
best and cheapest Family Bible ever published,
will be sent free of Charge to aiiy book agent.
It contains Over 700 fine Scriptural Illustra
tions, and agents are meeting with unprece
dented success. Address, stating experience,
etc., aud we will show you what our agents are
doing. NATIONAL PUBLISH rNG CO., Phil
adelphia, Pa., ChiOugo, 111., or St Louis, mo.
THE MASON & HAMLIN ORGAN - Co.,
Winners of THREE HiUUESI' AIEDALS
aud Diplomas of Hono:, ai Vienna, 1873, and
Pqris, in 1867, now offer the Finert Assort
ment of the BEsT GAB’NET ORGANS in
the WORLD, including new styles with re.
cent iaiprovemems, not only exc',v~.orly for enh,
as formerly, but also oji New Piaua of EASY
PAYMENTS, the most favorahle ever offered
O QAN’B Seated with Privilege of PUR.
CHAsE, to almost any part of .he couni.y.—
First payment $>9.00 or upwaios.
lllut rated Catalogues and Circulars, wi
full particulars, sent iiee on request. Add-e
itIASOY A H.IULIV OiitaALll CO ,
Boston, New York of
Tbe best in the
market, and fold
at lessr price than
any other fiiisl
c-!as3 wheel. Set and
tor pjpjphlet and
be convinced*
H.P- BURKEAM.
\ ouk, Pa.
84 PER < ENT.
GUARATEED
WITH
N.FBUENHAM’S
107 4:
! Water
1 .
Wheel
AAiir uHDTU Sen< l f ur free farm pain-
UUIYIL HUH I Hiphlet— all about Maryland.
County map, 20 cents. J. F, MANCHA,
Easton, Md.
(]hJ“Q(jh , Aper day athome. Terms free- Ad
ttPO^tipLl/ dress, Geo. Stinson & Cos., Port
land, Me.
m A WEEK guaranted to Male and
Female Agents, in their locality.
Wfc ff Costs NOTHING to try it. Par
ff ticulars Free. P. O. VICKERY #
Cu„ Augusta, Me. 4w.
< • rjSYCHOMANCY, OK SOUL CHARM
jTING.”—How eitlirr sect may fascinate
and gain the love and affec.iqns of any person
they choose, instaoely. This art all can pos
sess, free, by mail,for 25 cents; together with
a Marriage Gaide, Egyp ran Orqcle, Dreams,
Hints to Ladias, etc. 1,000,000 sold. A queer
book. Addiess T. WILLIAM & CO.,
yub’s Philadelphia.
MOST EXTRAORDINARY
Terms of Advertising are otfered for Newspa
pers in the State of
QeobgiA !
*Send for list of of papers and schedule of ratea.
Address
GSOR6B ?. ROWEL & CO..
Advertising Agents, No. 41 Park Row,
•VK **• yOMIK.
RepEA to Editobs of this Paper.
October 22, lm.
Job Work.
“Take heed that you do unto others as you
wou)4 have others do unlo yoy.’’ Mercliauts
aod business men, take heed that you patron
ize the printer at home as you would have the
printer at home patrouize you.' We are now
prepared to furnish biltaud note heads, en
velopes, etc.,. printed iu neat aud elegant
style.
JONATHAN DICKEY.
A TALE OF YEARS AGO.
On the Ninth bank of that roman
tic stream known as West Running
Brook, within the preemts of tlie
Double Range, are still visible t,he
remains of an oIJ dilapidated cellar,
now overgrown with rank weeds and
tangl' and bushes. Above this exca
vation there stood a century and a
halt t. go, an unpretending but com
fortable log dwelling, built in the
peculiar fashion of ihose long-gone
days, the properly of Jonathan
Dickey.
Jonathan was a man of remarka
ble staiure—a circumstance of ap
preciable benefit not only to hiinso'f
but to many of his neighb>rs, he
having, by his personal presence,
on several occasions put to flight
small bands of roving, pillaging In
dians who occasion illy committed
depredations in that sparsely-settled
tow iship.
One moonlight night in the month
of August, while Jonathan, with
several of the neighboring landhold
eis were temporarily absent to resist
the encroachments of a pretentious
party of marauders, who claiming a
prior title to the Range property,
had threatened violence towards the
inhabitants oi this peaceable commu
nity, should they not immediately
abandon the settlement.
Three Indians of an ea-tern't;K>c,
with characiei inic vindictiveness to
wards Jona han, who had hut re
cenily administered to their chief a
suitable ands tisfactory castigation,
dt termined upon retaliation by quiet
ly approaching his dwelling, hoping
to be enabled to secure their victim
while asleep anil subject him to such
biutally inhuman loriues as they
alone are capable of inflic:ing.
Their movements, however, soon
aroused the watchful housewife, who
at once suspecting their motives,
hastened to arrange her clothing,
then quietly opened the front door ol
the dwelling, before which stood the
bloodthirsty savages significantly
flourishing their tomahawks and
brandishing iheir scalping knives,
while at their sides dangled hairy
trophies, by no means suggestive of
pleasant r> flections.
With remarkable pretence of nvnd
the undaunted dame, undismayed by
their will demonstrations, assured
the fiends that her husband was not
at home.
Not satisfied with this stalemen',
which they presumed she had made
to shield her gigantic consort from
harm, they persisted in examining
the premises.
Having, as they suppos and, carelul
ly searched into ev< ry nook and cor
ner of the building, they were about
leaving, when one of the band sud
denly exhibited evidence of hi- hav
ing made an 'important discovery.
Clutching the tallow candle from
lha hand of the startled housewife,
the chief quickly raised a trap door
that had’been cut in the floor of the
room, opening into the cellar.
They all tapidly descended the
ladder to investigate the mysteries
ol the subterra ean department
As the scalp of the 'ast intruder
reached the level of the floor, ihe
self pos-essetl, fair Spat tan d> x er
ously closed the trap, firmly s -cur
ing her captives by a sure fasten
in S-
Realizing their peculiarly unpleas
ant situation, the red skins shrieked
with most hideous yells, uitering
blasphemous imprecaii >ns, when to
add to the confusion, the light, dur
ing their excitement, was extinguish
ed and die lad ler throw n down.
Mrs. Dickey, now assured that
her prisoners could n"t escape, ran
to her nearest neighbors, notifying
them of her successful exploit.
The news sprtad throughout thei
settlement like wild-fire, and soon
the male members, armi and with mus
kets, flocked to Jonathan’s far a
hous-, volunteering their assis anue
in guarding the premises. A coun
cil was soon held, at whh h it was
determined to keep tlie savages im
prisoned until daylight, when all
were arrested and duly bound with
cords to prevent their < scape. «
They were then marched 10 the
large garrisqn house that stood on
the hill east of fynge, the re
mains of wh oh even nowy \yi;h
difficulty, be-traced, where, tn the
presence of a jubilant crqwd of men,
women lyn} children, a lihi ral allow
ance of Slinging lashes were so vig
orously applied to iheir copper-col
ored backs, that, \yhen they were
released, the promise was readily
exacted and faithful y kept, lhai
they would qeyer again shovv the
darkness of theiy unwelcome visages
within the limits ol that p ospemus
township.
JOSH BILLINGS.
What Hs Knows About Hotels and Ho
tel Keepers.
Hotels are houses ov refuge, hoitv’s
for the vagrants, the married man’s
retreat, and the brchelor’s fireside.
They are kept in all sorts of wavs
—some on the European plan, and
lummy of them on no plan at all.
A good landlord iz like a good
step-mother—he knows his b.zzi
ness, and means lo do his duty.
He knows lmw to rub his hands
whh joy when the traveler draws
nigh; he knows how to smile ; he
knew yure wife’s father when he
was living, an I vure wife’s lust hus
band, but he don’t speak about him.
He can tell whether it wi l rain
to-morrow or not/ he hears yure
komplainis with a tear in his eye /
he blows up 1 hescivan:s at yuresug
gsLon, and stands around red ly,
azsiiilazbroker]
K 1 ’
ov IU betvveei^lH^^antuwtrufflm
cifi k Osh.ms, akrost the Unite!
Slates in a strait line :
Yure ro >in is thirteen fool 6 inches
by time foot seven inches paraflelo
gramly.
It being court week (az usual) all
the good rooms are employed bi the
lawyers and judges.
Your roo.n iz on the uppermost
floor.
The carpet iz ingrain—ingrained
with the dus', kerosene ile and ink
spots ov four generations.
Thure is two pegs in the room to
birch coats onro, one ov them broke
oph, and the oilu r pulled out, and
missing.
'!'he burow has three legs and one
brie k.
The glass on the burow swings
on two pivots, which hav lost their
grip.
Tharc is one towel on the rack,
thin, but wet. 'The rain water
in the pitcher came out of the
well.
The soap iz as tu(T to wear az a
vvlieisiono.
Tne 'so tp is scented with cinna**
mon ile, and vuriagated with spots,
Thu re iz three chairs, kane set
ters ; one is a rock< r, and all three
are bust) and.
Thare iz a match box, empty.
Ttiare iz n » kurtin te v the wi udo,
and thare don’t want to be euny ;
yu han’t see out and who can see
in ?
The bell rope iz cone oph about
six inches ihis side ov the ceiling.
The bed is a modern slat-hot mm,
with two mattresses, one cotton and
one husk, and both harder, and
about as thick as a sea biscuit.
Yu enter tlie bed sideways, and
uan feel every slat at once az easy
az y<>u could the ribs of a grid iron.
The bed is inhabited.
Yu sleep some, but roll over a
goqd deal.
For breakfast yu have a going and
rby koffee, tew c >!d to melt butter,
liied potiti'ze which resemble the
chips a two-inch anger makes in its
journey thru an oak log-
Bread so id, beef stake about as
thick az a blister plaster, and az tuff
az a t hound’s eir.
Table covered with plates, a few
scared-to- leath pickl s. on one ov
them, and G fly-endorsed crackeis
NO. 27
on another.
A pewterinktom castor with three
bottles in it, one without entiy mus
tard, and one with two inches ov
drowned flies and vinegar in it.
Servant gal, with hoops on, hangs
round you earnestly, and wants tew
know it yu will take another cup of
koffee.
Yu say, ‘-No, mom, i thank you,”
and push back yurechair.
Yu havn’t eat enufF tew pay fur
picking yure theeth.
I am about as seif-kon?aited as it
wil 1 do for a man tew be and not
crack open, bnt never yet konsaited
that I could keep a hotel. I had
ra'her be a highwayman tnan tow
he some landlords I have visited
with.
Thare an: bote's that are a joy up
on earth—whare a man pays luz bill
az cheerfully az he did the parson
who married him—whare yu kan’t
find the landlord unless you hunt in
kitchen—whire servants glide
like angels of mecy—-whare
beds (it a man’s biek like the
on a goose, and whare the
s la.-te just as tho yure wife or
He mother had fried ’em.
jHTheze kind ov hotels ought to be
■it on wheels and i ravel around the
They tire az plnill of real
■nfort as a thanksgiving pudding •
alas! they are as unplenty as
eggs.
is a wonderful variety in
and appearance of the con
|Hanccs by which we measure time.
|Hingenious Swiss watchmaker cun-
a tiny watch, which was worn
finger-ring of an Empress, and
but half an inch in diamt ter,
the wayfarer in the streets c-f
tells the lime by looking up
immense dial ol the clock on
Parliament House, not less than
lent across itsfice.—
Bet are four of these dials, and
■ huge mmute hands take a leap of
inches every half minute.—
it strikes the hour, the lour-
pound ha i.nier calls out the
tones of a bell weighing fif
§■> tons, and eight feet in height.
pendulum is full lifteen feet in
To wind this huge clock
two hour’s hard labor.
c ilia cl me a jackass, a sim.
and an idioi, all of which I
t > be true,” was the affida
|Bit of a western policeman.
BHC c c-can that p—p-p o parrQl
HH ?” asked a stuttering man of a
German.
*Ven he don’t talk so gooteras
you, I chop, by tan, his head off.”
Sinkins playfully remarked that
he hal four foils: B-autifool, du
lifool, youthfool and delightfool.’’
“Poor me,” sighed his w.fe, *■ I
have only one.”
‘‘That dog of youin flew at ms
this morning and bit me on the leg,
and now I notify yon that I intend
to shoot it the first time I see it.”—
“The dog is not mad.” “M id ! I
know he is not mad, what’s he got
to be mad about! Its me th:u°is
mad-”
“Guilty or not guilty ?” asked a
Dutch Justice.
“Not guilty.”
“Den vhnt ter tyful you here .
Go about mil yer pizziness.”
“Don’t prevaricate, sirif’ thuns
dered Judge Shell to a witness.
“Can’t help it, Judge,” said the
youth. “Ever since I get a kick
from a mule that knocked my teeth '
out I prevaricate a good deal.”
A Lesson in Adjectives.
“Well, my son, you have got into
grammar, have you ?” said a proud
sire to his thickest chip the other
night.
“Let me hear you compare sune
adjectives.”
Chip—‘All tight, dad. Little,
less, least: big, bigger, beast: mow
more, most.’
Proud si.e—‘Hold on, sir, that’s
not right, you—
Chip —Toe, tore, toast : snow,
snore, »not; go, gore, gout: row,
roar, root.’
Proud sire—‘Stop I say. These
adj— ’
Chip—‘Drink, drank, drunk j
vyink, wank, wunk: stink, stank,
stunk.’
Proud sire—‘You infernal little
fool! Wbut in the thunder—’
Chip—-‘Good, better > heat - woe f,
wetter, west: bad, wosser, worst:
' bile, bjler, bilerest; sew, sewer,
sup : pew, poor* pup : cth, gimini!
ooOW!’
The outraged parent had broken
into ilie recitation with a boot-jack.’