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VOL H. THETHOMASTON herald, PUBLISHED BY fiVKRY BATUKDAY MORNING. ' TERMS. fti nV * 60 8 .mrnts l WART ABLY IN ADVANCE. »pef will be Bt«»f»pe<l at the expiration of the iil f ( >r, unless subscription is previous renewed. of a subscriber is to be changed, we 4 ta-ive the old address sis well as the new one, to P« t £„ received for a less period than three •" n ' h ,L bv Carrier in town without extra charge, v ttcntion paid to anonymous conuniinlsatinns. as responsible for everything entering ourcolumns. Thi« rule i» imperitive „ » »one sending us the names of three new subscrib /Vth (6.00, we will send the llkkald one .year mark after subscribers name indicates that the time of subscription is out. advertising rates. The fodnwlng are the rates to which we adhere in f„r idvertising, or where advertisements unhanded in without instructions. ‘ One wlu.iv ten lines or levs ( Vonpariel type). $1 for Ue first and -VI cents for each subsequent Insertion. jTlTl m 7 3~M~ 6 M. 12~M TZ7 n 7Z ~* I no $2 50 * 7 011 *l(»0 sls 00 9 ajlires ... 2 500 10 < M > >5 011 25 00 seres' 3 ,N) 700 15 00 20 00 80 1.0 J 4 0(1 10 00 20 00 811 (Ml 40 00 u Column 500 200 80 001 40 00 50 00 u ,\,| u mn .... MO 00 20 00 i 85 00 65 (Hi 80 00 1 mlumn. . 1150025 u 0 40 001 70 00 130 00 Displayed Advertisements will becnarged according to the spacs they occupy. All advertisements should be marked for a specified t| m e, nth rwise they will be continued and charged for intil ordered out. Advertisements inserted at intervals to be charged new each Insertion. m t Ivertisements to ren for a longer period th n three nfonths are due and will he collected at the beginning each quarter Transient advertisements must he paid for in advance. Advertisements discontinued from any cause before tipirsMun of time specified, will be charged only for th.' time published. Professionn.l cards one square $lO 00 a year. Marriage Notices $1.50 Obituaries $1 per square. Notices of a personal or private, character, intended to pmm"te any Private enterprise or interest, will be charged as other advertisements Advertisers are roque ted to hand In their favors as (»rk in the wee- as possible 7A t ,t ore te me will he etrirtly adhered to. LEGAL ADVERTISING. A«heretofore, since the war. the following are the prlcse fur notices of Ordinaries, Ac. —to bk paid in ad u*cs: Tnirty Days' Notices ••$ 5 00 forty Days’ Notices . 6 25 Sidniof Lands. Ase pr. sqr of ten Lines 600 Siity Davs’ Notices .. ... ... ....... 700 vjj l.inths’ Notices ~ ... It 00 Tn Bay-’ Notices of Sales pr sqr 2 00 Nirßirrr’ 'S ai.vs —for these Stales, for every ft fa SBSOO. Mortgage Sales, p-r square. $5 00 "Let fidd" a liberal per centage for advertising Km Yoii'iudf nnCeaSinglv before the public; and it nutters nnt what bus! teas v*<D are engaged in. for. if WeHlji'ntly an l industriously pursued, a fortune will bsthrresit i —Hunts Merchants' Magazine. After I begin to a *verti-e mv Ironware freely, business Increased with ntrtufting rapidity. Kor ten yen’s east I h ive spent. £8«.000 vearh to keep my superior wares bes- re the public liad l been timid in sdvertfstng. t never should have pO'SOsSed my fortune sf fttu.imn''. McLeod Belton. Birmingham “Advertising like Midas’ touch, tu’-ns everything to gold R> it, your daring men draw millions to their colTers”—Stuart Olay ■ Vh’it audacity is to love, and boldness to War, the skil’fnl use of printer's i It, Vs to success In business.' - Be. Diei’. Without, the aid of advertisemen'R I « ou'd have done nothing in mv peculations, i have the most complex f»l h In “printers'ink.” Adve. tieing is the "royal road to business ihirnum Professional Pards* DR MIR, \M PERDUE. having pnrma nen ly located it. The Rock, tenders his professional Services tn the surroundirg oommuity. ,ahd promises to tpiteno labor or utlehtlon to those who tnuv putronifte lmn - July22-6mo OWDWIOII & HEX LL. AtfrnPV® and i 1 Counsellors r,t Law, Thnninston. Ga. Will practice in the several ('onrts of the State of Georgia, and attend promptly t«» nil business entrusted to their care. ** 11 ft'NDWicii. [|une24 6mo.] w. x. beall. B*\ \ ()\ t t.rMMUKE itturnpr. ut Lsw, Griffin. On, Office in Almnh Mall, next door he ;>tar OrriCß Will practice in the Counties cem[Mistng the Flint«"ircuit, and in the United States 1 wtrict« uurt. Attention given to cases in Bankruptcy, may 18- t v || 'lj <fc NIIXV \ LLY A't rnevs at iv;/ Griffin, Ga. Will practice in all the conn* ' •'“"'prising the Flint Judicial ('ircuit, and in the Wiiih ° ''ciiwether, Clavtnn, Fayette and Coweta. ... Practice in the Supreme Court of Georgia, and the Snnik 6l ' "! m K ‘ United states tor the Northern and south ern Districts of Georgia ‘•" NVNNAI.LV. [apilS ly] L. TDOtAL. I ALLEN. Attorney at L w Thom w*ll practice in the counties oom- Judicial (Circuit, and elsewhere by AU business promptly attended to. * n Cheney'a brick building. m.-hll-ly TV' R KENii\LL offers hi* nr.fes r ® el ‘ r| '! p s tc the Citiiten-- or t hoinaston and H n f, ' lin 2 country. May be found during the day at Hardaway's store, at night at the former resi- Ce "f' haries Wilson. jan 14 ly. i REDDi N<*. \t orooy at Low, iv,, * Parnesvil e, Pike co , Ga. Will practice in the comprising the Flint .Tudiaial Circuit, and hy special ontract Al business promptly I “' 'I to Ofhce in Elder's building, over < hamber’s M “ r e. augft- y | 'OM \ S BE ALL Attorney at L i\v, A Roonaston, Ga. Will practice in the Flint Cir J | l. H ALIj, Artnrtiev n-»>(i 0"urisoll >r the F i '"'l practice in the counties composing »"d r,' ' rcu 't- In the Supreme Court of Georgia, S ftnh V he W*triet (’ourt of the United States for the Tn Sl "vhern Districts of Georgia. I * McCall-V. Attomoya Urly, an ,j’ " vi "2V»n, Oorgia. Wil 1 attend regu •’"unti. jof v. ,ce ' n the Superior Courts of the tfaarot Butts, Henry, Spalding Pike, Per. ’ ’ 'l o rgan, DeKalb Gwinnette and Jas — dec 0-ly t| M A riIE'VS. Am rney at posiogth 1 . 1 ??^ 10 "’ Ua . will practice all the counties ,[)tci »l contra-, "' Ul *hoochee Circuit and elsewhere by dec 1 (i-ly II a * RIPFE. A*t,»rnev ftf LiW ! in the‘(Tnh practice in the State Conns eiv »nnnh i}. 1 ei states’ District Court at .Atlanta and -- ‘ ’ dec 0-ly fk ’ Attorney at Lyw Barnes^ i’rc’u 'T*! 1 practice in all the counties of sn, ‘ Supreme Court of the State. t!w°r’ Artornev at , t s . ‘ ““ to n, Ga will practice in all the coii ~a ttah °°eheo Circuit, and Upson and , ""ties declS-ly }T of ' v ’ 11 contimip the practice 1 >De. Office at B. D. Hardaway’s Drug l > -- declS-ly I V v^f T .'if J. G aNN XII ia pleaded to I vf fi y?'! s °T Upson that he will continue Ia- " ei >icine in Its various branches at I j declS-ly [ R Attorney at La w tk Wl 1 P rae,, ce in Circuit Courts of ec! «-Iy a ,n the United States District Courts. LADIES’ FANCY STORE! OVER MESSRS. FLEMISTER & BROOKS, CORHKR OT HILL AND SOLOMON BTRKKTS, GRIFFIN. GEORGIA, respectfully inform the good citizens of Thomaston and vicinity that We have hoW in store, and keep constantly on hand a superior stock latest styles of LADIES' PINE DRESS GOODS, LADIES’ & CHILDRENS’ SHOES, LADIES’ JEWELRY, LADIES’ HOSIERY, LADIES’ NOTIONS, MILLINERY, &c. A thousand little tricks and trinkets that Men-Mer chants know nothing about, to be found at out Store. MILLINERY ! The Choicest, Freshest, and SWEETEST, stock in the maket. Goods manufactured to suit the taste of customers. Orders respectfully solicited. Call on or address MRS. M. A. HIGHTOWER & CO., mayl3-tf Griffin, Georgia. ANDREWS & HILL, MANUFACTURERS AND DEALERS IN FURNITURE, COFFINS, Ac., Ac., AT J. & T. G. ANDREWS’ Mill, Five Miles Southwest of Thomaston, Ga. WE would rpstwpt fullv inform our friends and the public generally, that we have established a FURNITURE MANUFACTORY at. the above named place, where we manufacture and keep Constantly on hahd superior Furniture <-f all kinds, vart,-ties, and grades. NVe are prepared to fill all or ders IbrOOFFIN’t, and do all kinds of Cabinet work with neatness and dispatch We fl itter ourselves that we can please all that kn*«w good work when they see it. Our facilities and advantages in preparing otir own Lumber and Manufacturing our oWn Work enables us to offer any quantity, better varieties, and decidedly better bargains than other Furniture dealers In »his section of country. We earnestly request all that are in need of anything in our tine to cill and examine < ur stock, as we feel satisfied that qre can give satisfaction in style, quality and price. All work warranteed to be as represented. Orders solicited. ma.v2o.ly JAS ANDREWS & L S. HILL. FOUR GOOD BOOKS. Should be Had in every Family. DF.VOTTON AL and Practical P<dv<rlott FAMILY BIBLE, containing a copious index, t’nncofdance Dictionary of Blhlfc.al Terms, Geograph ical ntld Historical Index, &<■ Fourteen hundred pages furnished in three styles of hi• dins L \ WS of BttStNBBS for alt the States in the TTnion By rtn-ophilus Parsons, I. L D This volume contains forms for men of every trade or profession, mortgages, deeds, hills of sale, least s. b ind, articles of copartner ship. will, awards. Ac Published by the National Pub lishing 1 o . Nemphis, Tenn. Tllr, LIFE OF OKN. R. E t.EE.by .tns D. WcOibe, author of a life of Stonewall .tackson. This book should finil its wav into every family as it is one of the best written accounts of the heroic deeds of the Great Vir ginian yet. published LI >HT IN TIIE EAST, by the well-known writer, Fleetwood. Mr. JOHN A. COCHRAN has taken the Agency for Upson and Pike counties, and wi 1 call upon the people with these invaluable books immediately april 1 -3t. STEREOSCOPES, VIEWS, ALBUMS, CHROMOS, FRAMES. E. & H. T. ANTHONY & CO., 591 BROADWAY, SEW YORK, Invite the attention of the Trade to their extensive assortment of the above goods, of their own publica tion, manufacture and importation. Also, PHOTO LANTERN SLIDES Rttd GEAPHOSCOPE. NEW VIEWS OF TOSEVITES, E. & 11. T. ANTHONY & CO M 591 BeoadWaY, New* York, "Opposite Metropolitan Motel. Importers and Manufacturers of Photographic Materials. mchlS-lOm The Southern Farm and Home! A FIRST CLASS AGRICULTURAL MONTHLY. G EN. W. M. BROWNE, EDITOR At $3 00 per Year in Advance. r IMIE Second Volume commences with 1 November number. Now is the time to sub scribe. Address, 3. W. BURKE, <te CO., octa ts Macon. Ga. DR. THOS. A. WARREN, GRIFFIN, GEORGIA. OFFERS his services to the citizens nf Griffin and vicinity Special attention given to the treatment of CHRONIC DLSEASES. Those at adistince cancan consult him by letter. Office over George Beecher «fe Cos , i ill Street. april 29-ts WATCH REPAIRING. THE citizens of (Jpson and adjacent counties are respectfully informed that I have m4»ve<l my ©tock to tin* ©tor# o Mr. Wm \\ all ace, *nn am now prepared to execute work in my line of busi ness, on the most firvorabl terms. Rep iring of all kinds done at the shortest no>ice and i the neatest man ner. I have facilities tor turning out good work, and by strict attention to business hope to receive a liberal share of patronage. Very respectfully, aprilS-tf WM.L BRYAN. DEJTTISTRY T npflE undorsiirned hcinir permanently 1 located in Thomston.stfll tenders thief professional services in the practice of Dentistry to the citizens of Upson and ad)oin)ng counths Teeth inserted on gld silver, adamant! ecm rttbfrer. Ass work warranted and a go and fit guaranteed. Office up stairs over WILSON SA WYKK’S store. dec9 ft BRYAN A BAWYER. THOMASTON, GA., SATURDAY MORNING, AUGUST 26, 1871. A PROCLAMATION. GEORGIA, RtJF'tS ft. HILLOCK, Governor of siUti State. "WHEREAS, At the July Term, A. D. 1871 of the Suderior Cotirt., held in and for the bounty of Washing ton. one James Oxford was t.ied for. and convicted, of the crime of murder, and sentenced, bv the Judge pie siding at the Court, to be executed by hanging by the neck uutil dead, on Friday, the Ist dav of September, proximo, and was by order of said Court, committed to the Jail of the county of Raldwin, for safe keeping-, to aWait the fulfillment of his said sehtence; and, M iif.hkas, It has been officially reported to this de partment. that oh the nignt of the 22d of Julv, ISTI. in the efty of Milledgevillc, county of Baldwin it ha id of lawless and disguised person?, of about seventy flvfc ift number, did, by force and intimidation, obtain from the Sheriff of the said county of Raldwin. the key* of the j dl of said county, and did unlawiully open the same and release therefrom the said James Oxford, and set him at liberty Sand, WiiftttEiS, Upon a previous occasiofl. to wit: on the night of the 14th of October, 1569, while the said Jaiiles Oxford was confined in the jail of the county of Han cock, under an indictment charging him with the mur der of a respectable cititen of said county, a band of disguised and lawless persons, of about Sixty in num ber, did, by force and intimU&tioh, obtain from thfc Sheriff of said county of Hancock the keys of said jail, and, having overpowered the guard stationed thereat for the safekeeping of the risoners confined therein, did unlawfully open sai 1 jail and release therefrom the said James Oxford and set him at liberty ; and, Whereas, These repeated and flagrant violations of the law, by bands of disguised persons, clearly estab lish the fact that there is a determination upon their part to prevent the said Oxford from being brought to punishment tor the crime of which he stands convicted * thereby setting the laws of this Btate at open defiance, and thwarting the ends of justice; and, Whereas. It is the duty of the Executive, and the interest of every good citizen of this State, to see to it that, the laws thereof are rigidly executed. Now, therefore, in order that the majesty of the law may he thlly vindicated, and to this end that the sen tence imposed by ihe Court upon the said Oxford as ftfores dd may he fully executed, I do hereby i«sue this my proclamation, offering a Reward of FIVE THOUS AND DOLLARS for the apprehension and delivery of the said James Oxford to the Sheriff of Fulton county. And I Jo moreover charge all officers, both civil and military, In this State, to be vigilant in endeavoring to apprehend the said James Oxford, in order that he may he brought to punishment for the crime of which he stands convicted. Given under my Hand and the Great Seal of the State at the Capitol, in Atlanta, ihis fourteenth dav of Au gust in the year of our Lord Eighteen Hundred anil Seventy one, and of the Independence of the United States the Ninety-sixth. RUFUS B. BULLOCK. By the Governor: David G. Cutting, Secretary of State. augl9 4t A PRO CLAM A TIO N.~ GEORGIA. BY RUFUS R. BULLOCK, Governor of said SI Ate. mmr ■WHEREAS, Official information has beett received at this Department that a murder was committed upon the body of John A Griffis, in the county of Haard, on or about the 18th of November, IS7O. by Thomas Teal, Pascal Griffis, and Susan Knowles, as Is alledged. and that the said Thomas Teal, Paschal Griffis, and Susan Knowles have lied from justice: NoW, therefore, to the end that they may he brought to trial for the crime with which they stand charged, I have thought proper to issue this my proclamation, hereby offering a reward of ONE THOUSAND DOL LARS each for the apprehension and delivery of the said Teal, Paschal Griffis, and Susan Knowles, with evidence sufficient to conviet, to the Sheriff of said county of Heard Given under my hand and the Great Seal of the Lt.nte, at. the Capitol in Atlanta, this seventh day ot Atignst, in the year of our Lord Eighteen Hundred and ScVent,y-one. and of the tndepend nee of the United States of America the Ninety-sixth. RUFUS B. BULLOCK. By the Governor: David G. Cutting, Secretary of State. augl2-4t A PROCLAMATION. GEORGIA* BY RUFUS B. BULLOCK, Governor of snUl State* WHEREAS, Ithv been represented to me that Wal ter Wllsbn, Joseph Hodo, Richard Lnz nby. and Rad ford Perkins, stand charged with the crime of assault, ; with intent to murder, upon Ephraim Gibbs, in the county of McDuffie, on the 13th day of May, IS7I. and that they have fled from justice, I have thought proper i therefore, to issue this mv Proclamation, hereby offer- : inga reward of ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS for all, or SBOO each, for the Ppprehension and delivery ot the said Wilson, Hodo, LaZenbv. and Parkins, with evidence sufficient to convict, to the Sheriff of said county, and State, and also a further reward of Five Hundred Dollars, upon the same conditions above recited, for any acces sory, before the faet. to said crime. Given under my Hand and the Great Seal of the e tate, at the Capitol, in Atlanta, this fifth day of August, in the year of our Lord Eighteen Hundred and Sev* ty-one, and of the Independence of the United StatC3 the Ninety-sixth. RUFUS B. BULLOCK. By the Governor i David G. Cutting, Secretary of State. augl2-4t EXECUTIVE DEPARTMENT STATE OF GEORGIA, Atlanta, Ga., August 1, 1871 Pursuant to section Ist of the Tax Act, approved 19th of March, 1569. which authorizes the Governor with the assistance of the Comptroller General, to assess and evy such a per centage on the tax ihle property as « iff pro duce, in the estimation of the Governor, the sum ot five hundred thettsand dollars, exclusive of specific taxes, and after approximating as marly as practicable the amount in value <*f nil taxable property in the State as exhibit .1 in tie Digests ; it is ORDERED: That four tenths of om* per cent, be Us sessed and collected upon the amount of the value of property re»orbed by each tax paver, subject to taxa tion ad wio em. RUFUS. B. BULLOCK, Governor. MaM»on Beall, Comp’r General. angMt. SSTOSIO PER DAY. who engag- in our new business make from $ * »o *lO per Jay in th-ir own loealbies Fnfl pnnteuhtrs and instructions sent free bv mariL Those frt be--d of ner m ne»* T profitable work, should address at once. Geobg* Stinson & Cos., Portland, Maine. -^LISCfiLLANEOUSi Influence of PretUy Women. — Life be comes more harmonious, it beats with a keener pulse of enjoyment, in the presence of pretty women. After all, a charming a piquant little fare, is the best rertiboy for half the worries of existence, its Veiationß its dullness, its disappointments. A'd even in thb larges and ttiore placid tvpeji of beauty or n Lady Dtimbelie, if ther< is a tincre of stupidity, there is at any rate, an atmosphere of repose, a gfenial in fluence, moulditig out* social converse and hahifs into gentler shapes lr is amusing to see how the prettmess of a witman tells on her dress, how the order and propriety of her dress tells on the home. The pursuit ofheauty. the habit of pretti n»se, give an ideal dignity to the arrange ment of her bonr et strings. In everv in ivement, in the very sweep of her ample folds in the pose of her languor, in the gay start o her excitement, one feels the soften ing, harinivnikir g influence of her last look in the glass. Sheni-.iy he gay nr sorrowful, quist or energetic, but she must he pretty. Beauty exercises an imperceptible Compul sion over her, which moulds hel* oWn life into graceful and hairnnnioUs form. Her dress rises out of the mere clothing of man into the regions of soience, of poetry, of art. A thousand considerations of taste, harmo nies of color, contrasts, correspondencies, delicate adjustments of light and shade, dic'ate the choice of a shawl or the tint of a glove. And as prettiness tells on dress, it tells on the home. Floweis, pictures, the gay hotfes of a Si.hata, the choicest, gorgeous hues of Indian tapestry, glass-w-rk of Murano, a hundred egquiste somethings and noth ings, are the natural setting of prettv women The art nf the boudoir tells on all but the chaosof the husband’s study. Around that last refuge ot barbarism floats an atmos phere of taste and refinement in which the pretty wife lives and moves and Ims her being, And from this tone of the horhe grows the tope of society, the social laws of good humor, of propriety, of self restraint) «»t consideration for others, of gentleness), of vivacity. The very hush of the rough 'ones that thundered over Peloponnesus as Pericles bends over Aspasia : the little turn ings and delicacies of phrase, the joyous seridonis and idleness of the manliest and and most energetic of men, tells of the triumph of pretty women New Tax Bill* The following is i ff* red as amendments to the new tax hill in Mississippi ; For kissing n pretty girl, one dollar. F>r kissing a homely one two dollars— the extrn amount two being added probably lor the man’s folly. For ladies kissing one another two dollars. The tax is placed at this rate in order to he regarded hv our M. C’s., as a piece of inex cusable absurdity. For every flirtation ten cents. Every young man who has more than one girl is taxed five dollars. For courting in the kitchen twenty-five cents. Courting in the parlor one dollar. Courting in a romantic place, five dollars, and fifty cents thereafter. Seeing a lady home from church, twenty five cents. Going from church without accompany ing a lady, five dollars. Seeing a lady home from the Mite Socie ty. five cents, the proceeds to he devoted to the relief of disabled army chaplains. For ladifs who paint fifty cents. For wearing a low-necked dress one dollar. For rach curl on a lady’s head above ten uve cents. For any unfair device for entrapping young men into matrimony, five dollars. For wearing hoops larger than eight feet in circumference, eight cents for each hoop. Old bachelors over thirty are taxed ten dollars and banished to Utah. Each pretty young Indy is to he taxed from twenty-five c**nts to twenty dollars, she is to fix the estimate of her own beauty. It is thought that a very large amount is to be realized from this proposition. Each hoy baby, fifty cents. Each girl baby, ten cents. Families having metre than eight babies are not to he taxed : and for twins a premia urn of fortv dollars will he paid out of the funds accruing from tax on old bachelors Each Sunday loafer on the street corners or ahrut church do >rs ti he taßod his Yalue, which is fthnitt tWo cents What Kadiuai.i-m has Done. — It dis franchised thousands of white ciriEms. It inVaded the Federal constitution. It usurped the sover* Igtuy of the States. It annihilated ten States. It abolished civil law in certain parts of the Unit'd States. It created military commission to try civil cases. It suspended habeas corpus in time of profound peace. It denied to the white citizens trial by jury five years after the late war ended. It endorsed the outrages of Holden’s and tfthers. It encourages the negroes tn idleness. It gave about two hundred millions of acres to the public dominion within the last two years to corporations of r ch cap italists It broke every pledge it ever made to the people. It unseated Democratic Congressmen who were duly elected. It squandered the public treasure. It refuse to prosecute the fbeives of pub lic money. It favored the persecution of manufactures for trifling irtegu.arities. It attempted to corrupt the ballot-b-x. It has taxed every species of property of the poor man. It exempted the rich man’s buds from taxation. It payed the rich man in jf-dd. It payed the soldier, his widow and orphatr in greenbacks. lr apninred spies in every community. And now seeking its perpetuation by the enactment of infamous laws to prevent Dem ocrats from voting — JyOitixtitle Democrat. Austria’s army numbers 217,000 men, and 37,000 horses. Miscellaneous Items; Said a pompous husband, whose w ife had stolen up behind and given him a kiss, •‘Madame. I consider such an act indecor ous.” “Excuse me.” said the wife k "I did not know it was you.** • “I say, -Tones, that’s a shocking had hat of yours. \V hv do tou wear such a hideous thing?’* “Because, n>y dear fellah. Mrs. Jones declares she will n >t go out of the house with me till I get a better one.** '*My deaf hoy.*’ said a fond mother, “never defer to- morhow what you can do to-day.” “Then, mother,” replied the urchin, “let's eat the plum pudding to night.*' ‘Mother,* said a bright little girl, ‘is hell a hot placet Being a little puzzled what r* ply to make, the mother answered. ‘Yes.* ‘l’hen.* said *he little girl, ‘why don't they turn the damper ?' ‘"‘An Illinois child.” says an exehangp, “was horn with a full set of upper teeth ” of that child is worthy of nil praise. If all children Woul<i*excrcise the same forethought it v o ild spare ts e r moth ers a great deal of anxiety and trouble. One Sunday recently a preacher lh towa advised the sisters to mortify Satan by giv ing their to the church on the next Sabbath evening. Th* l result was a galvan ized Watch and three htass finger rings. “Thev are a mean set of sinners,” said the parson. Why are women like churches? Firstly, because there is no living without one : secondly, because there is many a-spire to them : thirdly, because they are objects of adoration ; and lastly, hut bv no means leastlv. because they have a loud clapper in their upper story. A gentleman of Connecticut, who is something of a sportsman, w r ent to sleep in church on one of the Into warm Sundays, and dreamed he was hunting rabbits. During an eloquent passage in the sermon he espied in his dream a rabbit, and star tled the congregation by ebouting “there he goesU' A lecturer on the “moral sentiments” in Philadelphia remarked that the “dearest ship in the world was friendship,” where upon a young man rose from among the congregation and stated that he knew anoth er- a dearer ship still—and that was court ship. The vnung man had once been a defendant in a claim for a breach of promise of marriage. A Western farmer, being obliged to sell a yoke of oxen to pay his hired man, told him he could not. keep hun any longer. “Why "said the man, “I’ll stay and take some of your cows in place of money.*’ “But what, shall I do,” said the farmer, “when mv cows and oxen are all gone “Why y< u can then work for me and get them back.** A young lady who has been married six months, says it is all’nonsense to talk about love in a cottage. There is more love in a full flour barrel than in all the roses aod poses and woodbine that ever grew. Girls always love hoys best, who are the kiodest. best natured. most considerate and “man-Uke” in their behavior: and who are not coarse, profane and loaferish in their talk. The boys who arc by their school or playmates loved the most, make the best men. Here is a good one oh the “tater bugs.” Three men comparing notes : One says, “There afe two bugs to every stalk.” A second savs, “They have Cut down fny earlv crop, and are sitting on the fence waiting fuf the late crop to come up ” “Pshaw.” said the third, “you don’t know anything about it. I passed a seel store the other day, and the hugs were in there looking over the hooks to see who had pur chased seed potatoes.” The way to quarrel with a wife is to wait until she is at her toilet preparatory to going our. She will be sure to ask you If her bonnet is straight. Rpmark that »he lives of nine- tenths of women are pa-sod in thinking whether their bonnets are straight, and wind up with the remark that you never knew hut one Women who had Com mon sense about her. Wife will ask you who that, was.* You will, with a sigh, reply. “Ah! nevermind.” Wife will ask you why did you marry her. Y«>u say, ah firactlv. “Ah 1 why, indeed ?” The climax is reached by this time, and a regular row is shure to follow. A physician in the Grand Army Journal tells this ghastly jot*e: “I remember one day in making my hospital rounds, a patient just arrived presented me an amputated forearm, and in doing so could scarcely re« frain from a broad laugh, the titter was constantly on his fai-e. “What is the mat ter ? This does not strike me as a subject of laughter.*' “It is not, doctor, hut excuse me. I lost my arm in so funny a way that I still laUgh when I look at it. Our first seargent wanted shaving badly, and g'*t me to do it. as lam corpora) We went together in front of his tent; I had lathered, took him hy the nose and was applying the razor when a cannon hall came, and that was the last I saw of either his head or my arnr». Excuse me, doctor, for laughing as I do, but I’ll he especially blasted if 1 ever saw such a bully thing.** A Mournful Coincidence. —The Lex ington G;ize>te says : “Two boys, both members of large fami lies living in this city, and just opposite to each other, on the same street, Were in the habit of playing with other from the earliest childhood 'l’hpy both grew t-> be men, strong and stalwart, and went differ ent ways to seek their fortunes. On Ust Tuesday they w-re brought back to the parental roof, but c<dd and dead, and both houses were draped in mourning, and Sorrow shrouded <»acb household. These young men were Billy Gilmore and Ed. Payne, whose deaths were recorded in our last p/jper. This mournful coincidence added a touching pathos to the funeral of the-e young men not often witnessed.’* Gilmore was killed by an accidental shot from the negro rooh at Frank fuff. A Very lafge crowd attended his funpr.nl, all socie te* etc . fuming < ur. Pavne was a lawyer at Williamst-own,and son of Daniel McCar ty Payne. For Girl* Onlt.—Suppose. young warm heartp.i girl, that so you lean'on the broad shouldef in the half-lit parlor, thinking how nice it is to have eotnebodv food and protecting, and how dear you seem to be to h>m. suppose you should be made aware of till the cheeks that had rested on that shoul der, and all forms that arm had encircled. Its fortunate you don’t know three things. It might lead you, however, to keep your self more sacred some ( ne who will love you as entirely as you love this man, who takes life as it comes.’ and by force of hab it, if not by inclination, could not remember one woman six months if his happiness depended on it. You are to allow no personal freedoms from gentlemen of your acquaintance. If a finger is put out to examine a locket or chain on your dress draw back and take it off lot* inspiration if you choose. The rea eon for this rule is clear to those who aro better acquainted with the world. The reason is very clear to every one who comes to twenty-five years of age. A girl who protects herself from freedom so much in vogue in society, increases her own value, if she only knew it, with those she may have to repulse. I don't believe in prudish ness or suspicion, but I do believe that When men and women are not content with the friendship that is expressed bv frank, kind eyes, and cordial, brief handshakes, and deaf words one is not ashamed that the world should hear, they should koow what intoxication they are sharing. How Wk Eat—n«metiiing An ttt Ap petites—The Different Kinds of Eaters. -There are five kinds of eaters: Ist. There is your dull man, who seems to eat merely from habit, mainly because his pa rents did so before him and he expects his children to follow his example. 2nd. Your impatient, fidgety being, who is all activity, and falls to eating at once on the dish that happens to be before him. 3 1 Your careless eater without education who considers so much time as lost that is passed nt the table, puts all dishes on the same level, and hard lv knows the breast from the drumstick.— 4th Next comes your ravenous animal, who thinks only of quantity, takes*everything that comes in his way, as if anxious to show the capacity of his stomach. sth. Lastly come the professors, men of tasto, who cast a practiced eye over the tablo before eating, use judgment in the choice of such dishes as suit their habits, and eat sparingly of each, that the palate may be gently excit ed by variety. These are she guests who arc the best dinner table talkers. And here we take the liberty of quoting a pre* cept given by an ancient philosopher whose name vVe do not remember, neither is it of consequence* that the mouth is the vestibule of the soul, the gate of discourse, the portico unclean of thought; (of course nothing uh palatable) shou'd go in or come out. What is Thine Age.— ••Father,” toiid a Persian monarch to the old man, who ac cording to Oriental Usage, bowed before the sovereign’s throne, “pray be seated ; I can not receive homage from one bent with years, whose head is white with the frosts of age.’* “And now, father,” said the monarch, when the old man had taken the proffered seat, “tell me thine age ; how many of the sUn’s revolutions hast thou counted ?” •'Sire,” answered the old man, “I am but four years.” “What!” interrupted the king, “searest thou not to answered me falsely, or dost thou jest on the very brink of the tomb?” “I speak not falsely, sire,” replied th* aged man, “neither would I offer a foolish jest on a subject so solemn. Eighty long years have 1 wasted in folly and sinful pleasures and in amassing wealth, none of which I can take with me when I leave this world. Four years only have I spent in doing good to my fellow-men ; and shall I count these years that have been utterly wasted ? Are they not worse than a blank, and is not that portion only worth to be reckoned rs a part of my life, which has answered life’s host end ?” A Problem. —A Chinamen died, leaving bis property by will to his three sons, as fol lows : To the eldest son, one-half thereof; to the second son. one-half thereof * and to the younger son, one-ninth thereof. When the property was examined it was found to consist of nothing more or less than seventeen elephats, and it puzzled the heirs how to divide the property according to the terms of the will. Finally they ap plied to a Wise neighbor for advice. The neighbor took an elephant of his own and drove it into the herd, saying, “suppose your father left eighteen elephants instead of seventeen,” then speaking to the eldest, “take your half.” The eldest son took nine elephants and moved on. Then to the second—“take your third ; the second son took six elephants and went off. The wise man then sp.ke to the youngest —“take your ninth ;” the younger son took two ele phants and went off, and the wise man went home with his ovrn elephant.—Query , Was the property divided according Id th« terms of the wiD 7 II w a W o men Keeps a Secret — lt is an old quib upon womfen that a woman Cannot keep secrets; but the fact is they are the only part of humanity that can. A wife keeps a husband’s secret incomparably bet ter than he does her’s. We calculate that there is one diunken wife to about four hundred and ninety-nine drtfnken hus bands. In gambling, licentiou-ness, lying, cheating hypocrisy, covctctisness, there is pretty near rhe same proportion. Yet of the four hundred Conceil, cover up, silently endure the terrible secret ; while the one husband mntJrns over his wife’s frailty in the study of his pastor, and to the ear of his friend, and probably complains of it to a court of law It is the same between brother and sister. The secrets a woman talks about are of the kind that are unim portant and most agreeable to hear. But of serious secrets she is as reticent as the grave. That is our observation, and in our various relations of physician, lawyer trnorduined minister, we have had oppor tunities for a great deal of observation.— Baltimore Cfrnrrk Ad to rate It is said that Americans are the only na’ion who sleep with their windows open in their bedrooms nt night, all other nations dreading the night air as so much deadly poison. NO. 38.