Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page.

’ x\ cruspapcr Analects. ANECDOTE OF LORENZO DOW. Some years ago Dow preached at Charles ton, S. C., and in the course of one of his ser mons attacked with some severity, the char acter of a citizen, who had lately died, and whose death he alleged, was in consequence of his vices. For this, at the instance of the relatives of the deceased, he was prosecuted and found guilty. The court sentenced him to pay a small fine, and endure a short impris onment. The Governor of-the State, howev er, pardoned him and paid the fine himself. The next Sunday, Lorenzo preached to a crowded audience, commencing as follows: ‘‘There was, we learn from the New Test ament, a certain rich man, who lived I think, at Jerusalem, and whose name was Dives.— He was clad in robes of purple and linen, and fared sumptuously every day. That is, he lived high, or what may be called dissipated. Now there was also, I think in Jerusalem, a certain beggar named Lazarus, who asked to tie fed only on the crumbs that fell from the rich man’s table. He lay down at the gate of his palace, but the rich man would not hear him. So this poor beggar died, and then his sorrows ended, for he -was carried by angels to Abraham's bosom. Yes, Lazarus went up aloft, his spirit soared to heaven, where all good men will go when they die. But my brethren, you will ask what became of Dives, the rich man. Why my friends’ he died also, and I don’t know but he died —drunk, I will not however, say so positively, for I don't know but he has some relations among those who now hear me and, I may be prosecuted for defamation of character.” CRATER OF THE VOLCANO OF ’ HAWAII. It is an immense pit, one thousand feet deep, and six miles in circuit, with perpendi cular walls, except at one point, where it is reached by a deep descent, and the whole of this vast cauldron full of boiling, bubbling, and spouting lava. The surface at one mo ment as black as ink, and the next exhibiting rivers, and pools, and jets of a hideous blood red fluid, that was sometimes thrown up to a height of fifty or sixty feet, and fell back with a sullen plashing that was indescribably aw ful. The aspect of the whole was hellish— no other term can express it. By night it was grand beyond description. The frequent lightings up, the hissings, and deep mutter ing explosions reminded me of some great city in flames, where there were magazines of gunpowder or mines continually exploding. Vesuvius is tame in comparison with it. Just previous to my visit the lava had burst out at anew place, about six miles north-east of the crater, and flowed down to the sea, in a stream of forty miles in length by from one to seven in breadth. I saw the light one hundred miles off. It reached the sea in five days; threw up three hills from one hundred and twenty to two hundred and fifty feet high; gained two thousand feet out seaward from the old line of coast by three-fourths of a mile in width, and heated the water for fifteen miles on either side to such an extent that ‘he fishes were heaped up in myriads on the shore, scalded to death. Its falling into the sea was accompanied with tremendous his sings, detonations like constant discharges of heavy artillery, distinctly heard at Hillo twen ty minutes distant. t mm PHILOSOPHIC COURTSHIP. Sir Isaac Newton was urged by one of his friends to marry; he excused himself by say ing that he had no time to court a wife. His friends said they would assist by sending 1o his apartment a woman of worth. He thank ed them for their offer, and promised to re ceive a visit from her. His friends applied to the woman, and requested her to dispense with the usual ceremonies of courtship, and wait on the philosopher; which she consent ed to do. When she came to his apartment, and produced her letter of recommendation, he received her politely, filled and fired his pipe, sat down by her side, took hold of her hand, and conversed on the subject. Before they had brought the point to a close,, some question about the magnitude of the heaven ly bodies struck his mind with such force that he forgot what he was about—be turned his eyes up to heaven, took the pipe out of his mouth with his left hand, and being lost in study, without design took the lady’s hand, which lie held in his own, and with one of her fingers crowded the tobacco in the bowl of his pipe, and held it so long that her heart and her finger took fire, and she in a huff sprung up and went off, leaving ihe philosopher to finish his studies alone. §©©IfSIIE Hi El &11IFISIB &IE ¥ ©ABIST TtS * A GENTLEMAN. Did you ever see a gentleman ?• We have seen two or three in our day, but real gentle men are exceedingly rare. A gentleman is one who treats everybody with respect, wheth er he be black or white, low or high, poor or rich. He does not bow .scrape his knees to honor, or hold his tongue when he sees wickedness in high places. You always receive from him a civil answer to your in quiry, and he kindly imparts to you any in formation in his power. He will not say a word to injure your feelings, or allude to a subject to pain your heart. Whatever may be done, he will not manifest angry feelings, or use unbecoming language. He uses no profane or indecent words; smokes no cigars in your presence, nor spits tobacco juice on your floors. He is the same kind and accom modating individual from one week’s end to another. SHAKSPEARE DEMOLISHED. The following tirade is from an old news paper where it is credited to “ Secretary Tomp kins on the novel of Woodstock,” The great dramatic poet has seldom found so violent an antagonist as this, who lays the grossest sins to his charge with an unsparing hand, The admirers of Shakspeare will marvel at the fel low's insolence. “Here is the king and high priest ol those vices and follies! Here is he whom men pro fanely call nature’s miracle! Here is he whom princes choose for their cabinet keeper, and whom maids of honor take for their bed-fel low ! Here is the prime teacher of fine-word foppery and folly. On thee, William Shak speare, I charge whatever of such lawless idleness and immodesty folly hath defile and the land since thy day! Verily I say, that since the devil fell from heaven, he never wanted angels on earth—yet nowhere hath he met with a wizard having such infinite power over men’s souls as this pestilent fellow Shak speare. Seeks a wife a foul example for adul tery, here she shall find it. Or, would a man know how to train his fellow-murderer, here he shall find tutoring. Would ajady marry a heathen negro, she shall haye chronicled example for it. Would any scorn at his ma ker, he shall be furnished with a jest in this book. Would he defy his brother in flesh, he shall be accommodated with a challenge. Would you be drunk, Shakspeare shall cheer you with a cup. Would you plunge in sen sual pleasures, he will soothe you to indul gence as with the lascivious sounds of the lute. This I say, this book is the well-head and source of all those evils which over-run the land like a torrent, making men scoffers, deniers, murderers, make-bates, and lovers of the wine-pot; haunting unclean places, and sitting long at the evening wine. Away with him, away with him, men of England; to Tophet with bis wicked book, and to the vale of Hinnon with his accursed bones!” • * > THE PITCHER PLANT, This plant abounds in the stoney and ster ile parts of the island of Java from which, were it not for this vegetable wonder, small birds and quadrupeds would be forced to migrate in quest of water. At the foot stalk of each is a bag shaped exactly like a pitcher furnish ed with a lid, and having a kind of hinge that passes over the handle of the pitcher, and con nects it with the leaf. This hinge is a strong fibre which contracts in showery weather and when the dew falls. Numerous little goblets filled with sweet fresh water are thus held forth, and afford a delicious draught to the tiny animals that climb their branches, and to a variety of winged visitants. But no sooner has the cloud passed by, and the warm sun shone forth, than the heated fibre begins to expand, and closes the goblet so firmly as to prevent evaporation, precluding a further supyly till called for by the wants of another day. This beautiful and perfect provis ion of nature would afford a fine theme for a Thomson or a Wordsworth, and would afford an illustration of the designs of Providence, such as Paley would have delighted to press into his service. POETRY. It is amusing to listen to observations on poetry. I heard a gentleman remark the oth er day, while praising one of Byron's sacred melodies, that Job might be converted into very good poetry! —The unfortunates! they have no idea, that poetry is but a name for every bright picturing, and every noble deed, whether it be the dream of Praxiteles embodi ed in marble, or the prayer of Raphael struck into glory, or the burning thought of Pindar mantled in the cloudiness of a word. Phidias was as mighty a poet as Homer, with this difference, the one spoke in words, the other in marble. When Canova was entreated by Napoleon to forsake Rome, and take up his residence in Paris, the sculptor replied, “ Sans son etelier, sans ses amis, sans bon ciel, sans sa Rome” —his genius would become torpid. He signified that Italy was the Madonna of his inspiration. AN AFRICAN’S IDEA OF THE CREA TION OF MAN. King Yardoo, of Goulah country, during a recent palaver with one of the Liberia miss sionaries, gave him the following account of the manner in which God made man : “First he came down in the morning, work ed all day long making white men in Ameri ca, and gave them plenty of good sense.— Then he came along in the dark, about mid night and made we countrymen all black, and because he wanted to get home before break fast, he never waited to give us any sense at all, but told us to make war, raise rice and cassada, eat dumboy and pepper, and that is all.” RELIGION. Nothing has been more the object of ridi cule than religion. It has been assailed by the wit of Voltaire, the ribaldry of Paine, and the elegant subtle satire of Gibbon ; —yet the whole force of their combined talents has been insufficient to invalidate one fact, to re fute one fundamental truth, to hold up the sacred form of vital religion to the scorn and derision of well directed reason. The pagean try of superstition, and the dreams of fanati cism, have been demolished and scattered by their attacks; but the sacred fabric, though thus despoiled of the votive decorations of its human votaries, built on the rock of ages, has bid a proud defiance to the pointless shafts of ridicule. A WAGER. Before the war, says the Nautical Maga zine, Captain Carden and the Macedonian were at Norfolk; Decatur was there too. and a warm intimacy soon joined in friendship two kindred hearts. While discussing naval affairs one day, Carden said : “ Decatur, your ships are good enough, and you are a clever set of fellows, but what practice have you in war, One of these days we will probably have a brush together, and if I catch your ship at sea, I will knock her into a cocked hat, Stephen.” “ Will you I” said Decatur; “ I will bet you a hat on it.” The bet was agreed on, and the conversa tion changed. But a few months elapsed ere the war that had been threatening commenced, and the two captains, by some singular coin cidence met. The results of the action are known. Captain Carden, on going on board the United States, was received by a Lieut., at the gangway, to whom he tendered his sword. “Not to me sir,” said the officer, “but to the captain.” “And where is the captain I” said the em barrassed Englishman. “He is standing aft, there; that is the gen tleman, in a tarpaulin hat and round jacket. Carden went aft —and his feelings on meet ing, under such circumstances, his old friend, may be imagined. As he offered his sword to Decatur, that officer said: “ No, Carden, I never take the sword of a brave man—you have fought gallantly.— “But” said he, laying his hand on the other’s shoulder, “I will take that hat , my dear fel low.” In transferring to the United States the suite of Captain Carden, a fine band was included. In the afternoon, when dinner was announced in the cabin, Capt. Carden said to Decatur; “ Those musicians are very skilful, and I have always had them on deck while at din ner.” “Very well,” said Decatur, “we will have them up.” The band was ordered on deck to play, and Commodore Decatur was asked what air he would like to hear. “ Let them play “ Britannia Rules the! Waves,” said he. with a slight laugh. ——— > Spare Minutes. — Spare minutes are the gold dust of time; and Young was writing a true as well as a striking line, when he taught that “ sands make the mountain, mo ments make the year.” Os all the portions of our life, the spare minutes are the most fruit ful in good or evil. They are the gaps through which temptations find the easiest ac cess to the gardeq of the soul. 21 Column Cratci) to fnu. NEW BOOTS. Os all the troubles here below, The wery wust I knows on, Is the insinivatin’ vay Anew boot alvays goes on. You goes and tries it on, you does r It seems a perfect fit, And lets you valk a square at least Before it hurts a bit. You feds it then, —I feels it. now, — Yo'ur foot seems all on fire; You vants to lay down in the mud ; You almost has to svare. Y r ou vants to kick each man you meets—” You do kick all the dogs— The little niggers in your vay, You treats ’em worse nor hogs. The world to you is one Avast boot, Vith nought but pain inside it— If such a thing as joy there is, You vonders vere they hide it! Boots causes half our misery, And more than half our crimes, For tight fits sour the very best Os tempers at such times. as? wrxwm CONNUBIAL. “ My dear, did John black them hoots V’ “How should I know—-I haint got any thing to do with your boots. It’s washing day.” “ But my love, you needn't speak so cross.” “ Speak so cross. I didn’t speak cross.” “ 0 yes you did.” “ I didn’t.” “ I say you did.-' 1 “ I say I didn't .” “By gracious! I wont stand this, It’s too bad to ha treated in this way, I’ll leave you madam. I’ll have a separation.” “0, Mr. Slub—was ever a woman so a bused. Here I've been washing and scrub bing all day long as hard as ever I could, and then you come home and act so to me —just kos I don’t know nothing about your boots— 0, it is too bad, it is—boo-hoo ! boo-hoo!” “ Hem! Well Nancy I didn’t mean to make you cry. Never mind—l reckon John has black ed my boots. Is them are sassengers to be fried for supper ?•” “\-e-e-s —my dear, I got ’em for you, par ticklearly!” LazinesS. —The laziest man we ever heard of was described as follows by an old lady in Coweta county, Georgia. “ Perhaps you don't know Zeke Gibbens, what lived down here on west Fork; well he was the laziest man you ever heard tell of. When he and his wife got married, they had a pretty good chance of truck between ’em. But Zeke was too lazy to make crops, so every thing went to rack and ruin. Zeke’s wife was a right smart ’oman; so she told him one day he’d got to go to work. “Can’t you plow 1 ?” says she. “ Don't know how,” says Zeke. “ Well, I'll show you ;”so she geared the boss, put him in the ‘plough herself, and took Zeke and led him to it, and put his bands on the plough-handle ; and do you think the lazy enter didn't stand there without stirring an inch,, till the calves eat all his coat tail off The Reprobate Judge.—“ Are you the reprobate judge?” “ Yes.” “Ah, you're the chap I wanted— my father died detested and left five infant scorpions— I'm the chief. I’ve come to take out some alphabet letters of confiscation to diminish the state as soon as possible.” i mm An Aside.— Mr. Whitely, manager of a conntry theatre, having constantly an eye to his interest, one evening, during the perform ance of Richard 111. gave a tolerable proof ol that being his leading principle. Represent ing the crook-backed tyrant, he exclaimed. “Hence, babbling dreams! you threaten here in vain: Conscience avaunt.” (“That man in the brown wig there has got into the pit without paying.”) “Richard’s himself again” < i James the First. —Among the addresse> presented to this monarch on his accession to the throne, was one from the town of Shrews bury, in which the loyal inhabitants express ed a wish that his Majesty might reign as long as the sun, moon, anil stars endured.— “Faith, mon,” said the King, “if Ido reign so long, my son must govern by candlelight.” Too Hot Entirely. —They have very hot weather in New Orleans; so intense has been the heat, the Crescent City says, that the peo ple there have been compelled to dravY their breath with corkscrews.