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do no murder! I adjure you by the stars set
in the flying ensign of our emancipated coun
try, to do no murder! I adjure you by the
American Eagle, that whipped the universal
game-cock of creation, and now sits roosting
on the magnetic telegraph of Time's illustri
ous transmigration, to do no murder! And
lastly, gentlemen, if you ever expect to wear
long-tailed coats—if you ever expect free
dogs not to bark at you —if you ever expect
to wear boots made of the free hide of the
Rocky Mountain buffalo, and, to sum up all,
if you ever expect to be anything but a set
of sneaking, loafing, rascally, cut-throat,
braided, small ends of humanity, whittled
down to irtdistinctibility, acquit my client and
save y our country!”
The prisoner was acquitted.
J)ljilosopl)s for tljc people.
Gas Light Monitor. —A patent has re
cently been taken out in England which ap
pears to be a good one for gas consumers?—
It consists of a circular valve enclosed in a
box which is placed before the burner and
through which the supply of the gas is furn
ished to the burner. The burner is a thin
plate of brass, perforated in the centre and
weighing about fifteen grains; it is quite loose
in the chamber which contains it, and the
mode of its operation is this:
When the pressure of the gas through the
chamber does not exceed a certain fixed
amount, the supply to the hunter is such as
to prevent any waste or smoke, but the mo
ment the pressure exceeds this fixed amount,
the valve is raised by it to the top of the
chamber, where, by closing all the apertures
ihrough which the gas is supplied to the
burners, the supply is at once cut off—anil
what gas is requisite to maintain the light
rushes through an aperture pierced in’the
centre of the valve, the size of which regu
lates the consumption. The instant the ex
tra pressure diminishes so as to allow the
gravity of the valve to exert its force, the
valve falls back to its fust position at the
bottom of the chamber.
The Electric Light again. —By our late
foreign exchanges we learn that there is
competition in the Electric Light in famous
London town. A Chevalier Le Molk and
Mr. Staite have been astonishing the Lon
doners, the former exhibiting his light from
the top of the Duke of York’s Column, and
the latter on raised steps at the entrance of
the Royal Academy. After all it may be
asked —what is this Electric Eight, how is it
made, what are its economical advantages?
Well it turns out after all, like Warner's cel
ebrated long range humbug, that the electric
light of Staite is nothing more than the in
candescence of charcoal by* the currents of a
battery—something that has been knowYi
since the days of Humphrey Davy. It there
tore cannot in our opinion be so economical
nor so easily made as coal gas. A brilliant
light, a light superior to common gas, is well
known in the Drummond Light, but a cheap
and easily managed light—a light in which
there is no danger of explosions and which
can be made cleanly in every household, that
is the thing wanted. We believe that elec
tricity in the hands of some genius will yet
do this.
The electric light of Mr. Staite is the sub
ject of a patent, the specification of which is
now in our possession.— Scientific American.
To take out Paint from a Dress. —After
a paint spot has diied, it is extremely difficult
to remove it. When fresh, (having wiped off
as much as you can) it may he taken out by r
repeated applications of spirit of turpentine
or of spirits of wine, rubbed on with a soft
rag or a flannel. Ether will also efface it, if
applied immediately. If the paint has been
allowed to harden, nothing will take it off hut
spirits of turpentine, rubbed on with persev
erance.
- — * —i
To TAKE FRESH PAINT OUT OF A COAT.
Take immediately a bit of cloth and rub the
wrong side of it on the ’he paint-spot. If no
other cloth is convenient, part of the inside of
the coat-skirt will do. This simple applica
tion will generally remove the paint when
quite fresh. Otherwise rub on with y r our lin
ger some either, or dip a bit of sponge or flan
nel in the ether, and wipe the paint-spot with
it as hard as possible.
To take Wax out of Cloth. —Hold a red
hot iron (a poker for instance) within an inch
or two of the cloth till the wax has disappear
ed. Then rub the cloth with some soft clean
rag.
0 © flj if 1 12 1 a it!l 1L 0 A Iff ¥ ®AB§ ¥¥ g *
Pressence of Copper in the Bodies of
Animals. —M. Deschamps of Paris, states
that this metal is constantly present in most
of the formations in the vicinity of Paris, and
seems to be derived from the decomposition
of cupriferous sulphuret of iron, It is taken
from the soil by plants—and from them by
men and animals. Copper and also lead are
received in part from cooking utensils, &c.
Soils from copper soon obtain a portion by
manures. Carbonate of ammonia is the means
of carrying copper from the soil into plants,
ami in the azoti.se 1 compounds of this metal
seems to enter, by a replacement similar to
that which takes place in certain ammoaiacal
salts. These are a few of the conclusions
M. Deschamps draws from his curious inves
tigations.
* < ‘
Bones. —That world-renowned chemist.
Liebig, says that a single pound of hone dust
containsas much phosphoric acid as one hun
dred pounds of wheat. From this we can
easily perceive that there are bones wasted
on every farm in the State sufficient to man
ure the entire wheat crop. This, to many,
will doubtless appear strang, but it is never
theless true.
2Cnpspapcr Analects.
EESPECT FOE AET.
A nobleman having called upon Holbein
while he was engaged in drawing a figure
from life, was told that he could not see him,
but must corne another day- Foolishly tak
ing this answer as an affront, he very rudely
rushed up stairs to the painters studio. Hear
ing a noise, Holbein opened his door; feeling
enraged at his lordship's assumption and in
trusion, he pushed him backwards from the
top of the stairs to the bottom. However, re
flecting immediately on what he had done, he
repaired to the king. The nobleman, who
pretended to be very much hurt, was there
soon after him, and having stated his com
plaint, would be satisfied with nothing less
than the artist's life ; upon yvhich the king
firmly replied
‘•My lord, you have not now to do with
Holbein, but with me: whatever punishment
you may contrive by way of revenge against
him shall assuredly be inflicted upon your
self. Remember, pray, my lord, that I can
whenever I please, make seven lords of sev
en ploughmen, but I cannot make even one
Holbein of seTen lords.*’
— - -
STOPPING NEWSPAPERS.
A class of conceited, touchy people, who
stop a newspaper on account of any petty
paragraph that displeases them, are cleverly
ridiculed by an exchange as-follows. The
parable should be kept before the people :
“A. certain man hit his ioe against a peb
ble stone and fell headlong to the ground.—
He was vexed, and under the influence of an
ger and active self-sufficiency, he kicked old
mother earth right saucily. With impertua
able gravity, he looked to see the just globe
itself dissolve and come to naught. But the
earth remained, and only his poor foot was
injured in the encounter. This is the way of
man. An article in the newspaper touches
him in a weak place, and straightway he
sends word to stop his paper. With great
self-complacency, he looks on to see a crash,
.when the object of his spleen shall cease to
he. Poor fool, lie has only hit his ioe against
a world that eoes not perceptibly feel the
shock, and injures, to no extent, any one but
himself. - ’
The Axe. —The other day I was holding
a man by a hand as firm in its outward texture
as leather, and his sun burnt face was as in
flexible as parchment; he was pouring forth
a tirade of contempt on those people who
complain they can find nothing to do, as an
excuse for becoming idle loafers.
Said 1, ‘Jeff, what do you work at 1 You
look hearty and happy; what are you at?’
‘Why,’ said he, ‘I bought me an axe three
years ago, that cost me two dollars: that was
all the money 1 had. 1 went to chopping
wood by the cord; I have done nothing else,
and have earned more than six hundred dol
lars; I have drank no grog, paid no doctor,
and bought me a little farm in the Hoosier
State, and shall be married next week to a
girl that has earned two hundred dollars since
she was 18. My old a\c I shall keep in the
drawer, and buy me anew one to cut my
wood with.’
After 1 left him, I thought to myself, ‘that
axe,’ and ‘no grog!’ They are the two things
to make a man in litis world. How small a
capital! That axe! Anl then a farm, and a
wife, the best of all!
A KING'S HUMANITY.
I once heard George the 11. say that he
would much rather forgive any body that had
murdered a man, than any body that had cut
down one of his oaks, because an oak was
much longer in growing to a useful size than
a man. and consequently one less would he
sooner supplied than the other; and one even
ing, after a horse ran away and killed him
self against an iron pike, poor lady Suffolk
saying it was very lucky the man who was
upon it received no hurt, lie said :
“Yes, I am lucky, truely; where is the
luck ? I have lost a good horse, and have
got a booby of a groom still to keep.”
TO fin: LADIES, ‘
*
The man that doth no paper take,
Grudging the price of one a year,
Will never a good husband make,
Because his wife, will never know what is
going on in the world, and his children will very ig
norant appear.
r _ -f # - . . 4 > . “ V
The last line is rather too long for good
metre, but the mohd is sublime.
. * ■ * 4 \
Standing up for the Sex.—At a recent
catechetical instruction in one of the church
es of this city, the clergyman gave out the
question, “Who committed the first sin? l —
The boys answered Eve, the girls Adam;
the answer produced quite a sensation among
the congregation who were present.
~ ’ t
• JJatflj-tUork.
A good toast was given at Hingliam
Railroad junketting by Mr. David Kimball,
(brother oi the Mr. Kimball at the Museum.)
“The improvement of traveling and. colla
tions—the former with steam, and the latter
without.”
Lord B. being asked by a lord in
waiting what difference there was between a
clock and a woman, instantly replied :
“ A clock serves to point out hours, and a
woman makes us forget them.”
Thieves are getting funny. A gen
tleman in Cincinnati had all his champagne
stolen the other day by one-of them, who left
this note —
“ Dear Mr. S.—l tried your wine—it was
not hard to take.” -
An eminent Connoisseur was offered,
during dessert, some grapes.
“Thank you,” said he, ‘it is never my cus
tom to take my wine in pills.”
The Rev. Sidney Smith, in speaking
of the prosy nature of some sermons, said:
“They are written as if sin were to betak
en out of man like Eve out of Adam, by put
ting him to sleep.’’
Mirth is never so lawful as in travel
ing, where it shortens long miles, and makes
rough roads smooth; it sweetens had usage
by making bad dinners and bad winegodown,
and bad horses go.
JB&t* An exchange paper mentions tin*
marriage of a Mr. John Sweet, to Miss Ann
Sour. Tt is probable they mean to set up the
lemonade business.
J&3?” A man of science, in his closet can
do greater things than a General at the head
of an army, or a deposit with the physical
power of a whole nation at his command.
Eziß’ An editor once said to a fellow who
was making it a practice of loafing in his of
fice every day:
“I wish you would Jo as my fire is do
ing.'’
“How is that?” asked the loafer.
“ Why, sir, it is going out,” replied the
editor.
The bore took up his hat and VcanEhed
without saying another word.
According to the Traveler's reports,
Prof. Agassiz paid the following rather un
certain compliment to a distinguished natur
alist. in a recent lecture.
“Recently, the Polypi have again been ex
tensively investigated by Prof. Milne Ed
wards. whose name is always to he mentioned
when speaking of the lower animals .”
Oliver Wendell Holmes, in a fine,
poem, docs up a good idea as follows :
‘lt’s odd how hats expand their brims as youth be
gin* to fade,
A? if, when life had reached its r.oon, it wanted
them fur shade.’
153^“Out of darkness cometh light,'’ as
the printer’s devil said when he looked into
the ink keg.
3 Column CrcitcD to fun.
” THE IMAGE OF HIS FATHER,”
On the birth-day of the seventh child v
j the women Came rushing to see the dear A
Jant, and to congratulate the happy pareil ‘
upon the event: Our friend anticipated t “
: visit, and instead oi having the child prepared
for it made a servant, bring in a sucking
and dress it up in swaddling clothes,andcov
enng up his face, lie laid it in the place ihr*
real child should have occupied. The ladies
were introduced into the apartment, and eer’
tly approached the bed; the coverings \v er ’
turned down, and a portion of the face of th,.
little grunter was exposed.
“Bless thy .soul!” cried one of the ladies
“what a remarkable child.*’
“So very interesting,” said a second.
“And so good-natured!” observed the
! third, as she commenced toying with it.
“And how very like,” a fourth remarked
“how very like his father!”
They were all immediately struck with the
j observation, and exclaimed :
“The very image.of his father! - ’
The flattered parents rushed cut of the
room, convulsed with laughter, leaving the
old women to discover their mistake.
Proving an Alibi.—A clergyman at Cam
! bridge preached a sermon, which one of his
auditors commended. “Yes,” said the en
tleman to whom it was mentioned, “it was
a good sermon ; hut he stole it.-’ This was
told to the preacher. He resented it, and
called on the gentleman to retract what he
had said. “1 am not,” replied the aggressor,
“very apt to retract any words, hut in this
instance 1 will. I said you stole the sermon.
I And I was wrong, for on referring to the
j hook whence 1 thought it was taken, I found
it there!”
The Difference.—An American lady,
who had been sick at Marseilles, and had re
! ceived many kind attentions from many of
her sex, both French and English, was asked
to give her opinion respecting the two classes
of her sympathisers. Her reply was—“ They
; Were both very kind. The French ladies
[ brought me flowers all day, the English la
dies sat up with me all night.”
Boy. —A-x-e, axe.
Teacher. —What is an axe?
Boy. —An inst'ument for cutting.
Teacher. —How many kinds of axes are
; there ?
Boy. —Broad axe, narrow axe, post axe.
and—and axe of the legislature, and axe of
the apostles.
Teacher. —Go to the head, my boy —Cam
bridge Chronicle.
The Trouble.—A poor v Irish man, who
| was on his death-bed, and who did not seem
reconciled to the long journey he was to
J take, was kindly consoled by a good-natured
Iriend. with the common-place reflection that
we must all die once.
“ \\ hy, my dear friend,” answered the sick
man, “that is the very thing that vexes me:
il I could die half a dozen times, I should not
mind it.’’
A Dutchman’s Proposal.—A Dutchman
| once wanted to wed a widow, and his manner
oi making known his intention was as fol*
| lows:
“If you is content to get a. better for a
worse, to be happy for a miserable, and if you
smokes and drinks ale, 1 shall take you for
no better and rnurdi worse.” Upon which
! the lady said, “Yaw.”
A Jew d’esprit.—Somebody asked the
Baron Rothchilds to take vension:
“No,” said the Baron, “I never eatsh
weni son ; l dont think it ish so coot ash mut
ton.”
“Oh !” said the Baron’s friend, “I wonder
at your saying so ; if mutton were not better
; than venison, why does venison cost so much
more ?•”
“Vy ?” replied the Baron, “ I will tell you
vy—in dish world de peoples alwaysh pre
fers vat ish desr to vat ish sheep.”
\
“Really, my dear,” said poor Mr-
Jones to his better-half, “you have sadly
disappointed me. 1 once considered you a
jewel of a woman, but you’ve turned out on
ly a hit of matrimonial paste.” ,
“Then, my love,” was the reply, “console
yourself with the idea that is is very adhe
sive, and I'll stick to you as long as you
I live.”