Funding for the digitization of this title was provided by R.J. Taylor, Jr. Foundation.
About The News and farmer. (Louisville, Ga.) 1875-1967 | View Entire Issue (June 29, 1876)
YOL.Tr lah NEWS & FARMER. BY ROBERTS & BOYD. Published Every Thursday Morning L m>UISVILLE, GEORGIA. ■ PRICE OF SUBSCRIPTION V IN ADVANCE. ~ One copy one year - $2.00 •• six mouths------ LOU 1* “ three months-.--.. ------ 50 For a Club of FIVE or more we will make a reduction 0f25 percent. ADfEKITSINCt RATc.B. Transient Advertisements, One dollar pe Bonnie (ten lines oi this type or one iuch) foi' the tirst insertion and 75 cents lor earn suuser dueut insertion A liberal deduction made ou advertisements running over one month. Local notices will be charged 1 ifteen cents per line each insertion. . c&' All bills for advertising due at any time ‘he tirst insertion and will be presented “t the' pleasure of the Proprietors, except by special arraugemeut^ vEßTigiNQ tlrdinarv’s Citations for Letters of Administra tion Guardiauship &e ..$5 00 Application for dLm'u from adm’n (5 00 Huine-tead notice.... and 00 Application fordism’n irom guard n 500 Apnlioation for leave to sell laud o 01 Notice to Debtors arid Creditors. 4 00 Sales of Land, per square of ten lines o 00 S-des of personal per sqr., ten days 2 00 Sheriff's —Each levy of ten lines, 5 00 Mortgage sales of ten lines or less 5 00 I’ax Collector's sales, per sqr., (3 montlislO 00 Clerk’s —Foreclosure of mortgage and other monthly’s per square 4 00 Estrav notices thirty days 5 00 CENTRAL RAILROAD. ON and after SUNDAY the 20th June, the Passenger trains uu the Georgia Central Railroad, its branches and connections will run as follows * Leave Savannah -9; 15 am Leave Augusm --- 9:05 p m Arrive in Augusta 4:00 p m Arrive in Macon 0:45 p ni Leave Macon tor Columbus.---.. -- 8:15 p in Leave Macon for Eufaula 9:10 a m Leave Macon for Atlanta 9:15 p m Arrive at Columbus 1:45 a in Arrive at Eufaula 6:17 p m Arrive at Atlanta 5:02 am LesveAtlauta .10:40 p m LAve Eufaula ........... .... 8:22 a ni Leave Columbus -• 1:JO p m Arrive at Macon from Atlanta. t>:4o p m Arrive at .Vlacun from Eutaula 6:15 p ni Arrive at Macon from Columbus 6:55 p m Lea>o Macon.... 7:00 a m Arrive at Augusta 4:00 p in Arrive at Bavanuah 5:25 p m Connects daily at Gordon with Passengea Trains to and from Savannah and Augusta. Plfc—Mill H—JI -mm^moss^jmmmmmmunrnmimmmdmmßsmi Jlvofcsstoital (TnrTiH. R. L. GAMBLE, JR. ATTORNEY AT LAW. ILoutstotUc, <GI. January 6 ly. J. G. Cain. J. 4. Polbill CAIN & POLHILL. ATTORNEYS AT LAW LOUISVILLE, GA. May 5, 1871. l y DR, E. E. PARSONS DEN T I S T Louisville, Ga. Will be in Louisville the third week in each month ty Orders left at tho Central Hotel promptly attended to. Ivb ‘24 ly. A. F DURHAM iIuLT). Physician and Surgeon. Sparta, Ga. SUCCESSFULLY treats Diseases of the Lungs and Throat, diseases of tho Eye, Nose and Ear, and all forms of Propsey ; dis eases of the Heart Kidneys, Bladder amt Stric ture, secret diseases, long standing Ulcers.— Removes Henioirheidal Tumors without pain Makes a speciality of diseases peculiar to I’e males. Medicines sent to any point on the Kailroad. All liprrespendenoe confidential. Feby 15, 1874 ly HOTELS. ~ CENTRAL HOTEL. LOUISVILLE, GA. Mrs. A. M. Kirkland, Proprietress. Board,s2.QQPer Day. Lanier House, Mulberry Street, MACON - - - - GEORGIA B* BOB# Proprietor Free OBnibns Trent and te (be Depot MY GRANDMOTHER. By Florie Aldred, on the death of her grandmother, A.manda Aldred, wife of Ja mes Aldred of Jeffeison county. Dim on the 13th or June, 1876, happy in Christ. Is there a friend to sympathise With ns in our darkened home, While grandfather and I weep To be left sorrowing and alone. We hare no wish to stay, The light of our love has fled, But it has flashed up higher, To the home of treasured dead. She said we’d miss her; Dear grandmother said no more. Oh, we’ll miss her e’er so sadly, But we’ll meet her on another shore. My gardian angel guide and stay, With the evening light departed, Faded with the sun’s last beams, And left me broken hearted. Iler body lies in a rosewood case, With the emerald turf above, But in my heart she’s buried deep, Embalmed in fadeless love. Bright flowers of charity She’d planted on the narrow road, And their incense upward rises, To the land of her abode. • ■ Oh, I miss her, but I’ll meet her Where parting is no more, For site told me she'd expect me , On that bright and better shore. To my grandpa she said : Be faithful, and soon we shall meet, With a fond embrace in tears She said, to walk the golden streets. [Advocate and Sandersville Herald, are requested to copy.] NEBUCHADNEZZAR. [lrwin Russell in Scribner's Monthly.] You, Nebuchadnezzar, whoa, sab! Whar is you tryiu’ to go, sail! I’d bab you to know, sail, Is a-holdin’ ob de lines. You better stop dat prancin,’ You’s pow’ful fond ob dancing,’ But I’ll bet my yeah’s advancing’ Dat I’ll cure you ob your shines. Look heah, mule! Better min’ out Fust ting you know you’ll find out How quick I'll wear dis line out . On your ugly stubbo’n back, I You needn’t try to stand up An’ lif’ dat precious heel up ; You’s got to plough dis fiel’ up, You has, sab, for a fac.’ Dar, dat’s the way to do it! He s cornin’ right down to it, Jes’ watch him ploughin’ t’roo it! Dis nigger ain’t no fool. Some folks they would ’a’ beat him, Now dat would only heat heat him— I know jes’ how to treat him, You mus’ reason wid a mule. ' He minds me like a nigger. If he was only bigger He'd fotcii a mighty Agger, He would, I tell you! Yes, sah! See how he keeps a ’clickin’! He’s as gentle as a chicken, An’ nebber thinks o’ kickin— Who dar! Nebuchadnezzah’— ******* Is dis heah me, or not me? Or is de debbil got me? Was data cannon shot me? Ilab I laid heah more’n a week? Dat mule do kick amazin’! De beast was sp’iled in raisin’— By now I ’spect he’s grazin’ Ou de oder side de creek. HOW'S THIS, LADIES ? Read the following lines, and see if you don’t find more truth than poetry in them: “I heard it!” “ Who told you?” “Her frien i”(?) “You don’t say?” “Tis dreadful!” “Yes, awful!” “Don't tell it I pray !” “Good gracious!” “Who'd think it?” “Well, well, well!” “Dear me I” “I have my Suspicions,” “And I, too, you see. “Lord help us,’, “Poor creature;” “So artful;’ “So sly.” “No beauty; V “Quite thirty ; ! ' “Between you and I. “I’m going “I can’t; “I’m forloin;’ “Farewell, dear, “Good-by- sweet,” “I’m glad she’s gone 1” ‘Talkin’ ofcattle,’ said an old farmer who was in town last week,’ ‘yon ought to see a bull down on my farm. Great snaix I when a red-headed wo man peeks over the fence he just t’ars around enough to take the roef ofTn creation. THE NEWS AND FARMER LOUISVILLE. JEFFERSON COUNTY, GA., JUNE 29, 1876. THE COUNTY BOARD OF EDU CATION. Messbs, Editors : It is not often we assail the acts of those in authority in any department of our government, from the fact thU we are but little in contact with them or interested in their acts; but at.the last meeting of the County Board of Education, a motion prevailed which was so illegal, and which discriminated so unjustly iu its application to the Common Schools and Common School teachers of this county, that we are compelled to utter our pro test and demand that the Board undo that which it has 4°ne, aa 4 place all teachers, who' ofainraUTSßiest m'ftie’ Common School fund, upon an equal footing under the law which declares how they shall be examined and how they shall ob f ain their licenses to teach in Section 1261 of the Revised Code of Georgia is the following plain lan guage : “The County Commissioner shall examine all applicants for license to teach in their respective counties, giving previous public notice of the day or days upon which the examinations are to take place,” etc. A’.so, “Appli cants for license to teach in the prima ry schools shall be examined upon Or thography, Reading, Writing, English Grammar, Geography and Arithmetic.” This is so plain and so positive that comment seems to be simply superflu ous. It states, that before teachers can obtain licenses to teach, they ‘‘shall be examined ” in certain branches. They cannot, upon any reasonable construc tion of this law, obtain a license to teach in a public school of this State, until they are examined by the County Commissioner, or someone delegated by him, and upon certain days to be specified by him. The law does not state that they may or may not be ex amined at the discretion of the County Commissioner, but that they be examined.” Yet, in the face of this law, the Board of Education of Jeffer son County, at its last meeting, saw fit to grant licenses, without an examina tion, to all who happen to have college diplomas in their pockets. This is the matter of which we com plain, and if you will give us space and your patience, we will attempt to show you that our complaint is well founded, and that the compliment intended to be paid one class of teachers, reflects very seriously upon another and equally de serving class. We will not discuss the illegality of the measure, for this is so palpable that the biggest fool in the county, whether he be “a way-faring man” or not, c&i not fail to delect it at a glance; but we will notice it as discriminating so much in favor of those who have diplo mas and against those who know much more about the legal branches named above but do not happen to have the diplomas. The Board, by its action, assumes that because a man or woman has a diploma from a college, that -therefore he or she is fully competent to teach the. legal branches. Yet these legal branches are taught to these college graduates, not in the colleges, bnt in the Common Schools. Then, by this action of the Board, the colleges get I credit for what the Common Schools do. There is not a Male College in the State that proposes go teach any of the primary branches, and it is a con ceded fact that students invariably know more of these branches when they enter college than they do when they graduate. And we venture the asser tion that the four young ladies who were examined by the Board at its last meeting, and who have never seen a college, passed a more creditable exam ination than the whole senior class of Wesleyan Female college put together could have passed, in the same branch es. If the Board had extended this complimentary license to graduates to teach the special branches, such as Algebra, Geometry. Philosophy, Latin, etc., branches that are taught in the colleges, we would not have complained. But we do contend that by the law and by an unalterable principle of justice, graduates and those who are not grad uates, all, are placed upon the same level when they apply for license to teach the legal branches. The fact that a man has a diploma in his pocket, i9 no evidence that lie knows, or ever did know anything about the legal branches, or any other branches. It merely shows that'at the close of his graduating term lie had five or ten dollars to pay for his sheep-skin, and his competency or incompetency is a matter to be proven by things very much unlike a diploma. We contend farther, that the licenses granted to graduates without an exam ination are illegal, and that contracts made with these teachers are illegal, and that the money paid to teachers upon these illegal contracts is an ille gal expenditure of the Public School fund. Also, that if. this matter is tested, teachers holding these licenses and patrons contracting with them are liable to be defeated of their pro rata of the fund. Tkacher. A young gentleman got neatly out of a fine scrape with his intended. She taxed him with having kissed two young ladies at some party at which sho was not present. He owned up to it, but said that their united ages only made twenty-one. The simple-minded girl thought of ten and eleven, so laughed off her pout. He did not ex plain that one was nineteen and the other twb ,7ears of age. Wasn’t it art ful? SOAP ON THE STAIRS. A gentleman residing on Aberdeen street was, until Friday last, inclined to favor female suffrage. His wife had prudently delayed moving till after the Ist, so as to take advantage of the fall of house-rents. The house to \fliich they moved had a tremendously steep flight of stairs, and an oil clothed hall. The wife had the stairs scrubbed down, and left the soap on the top step. Her husfctnd was up stairs, with a basket full clothes-pins in one hand and a clock under the other arm, when his wife, who was down stairs, saw a iwmJl and shaking her skirts madly, -Boanded up on the J,#bl, anjJ lst off a series of Akrin’sliTriek's "beginning' on high ZZZ above the clef. Her °hus band, thinking the house was on fire at the very least, started to run to her res cue, and, stepping ou the piece of soap that she had so thoughtfully left on the stairs, sat down vehemently at the top of the flight, and slid down with the speed of thought. Fire flew from his false teeth as he hit the edge of each step. Volleys of clothespins were dis charged into the air and fell rattling and rebounding on tbe oil-cloth, and the clock shed its inwards over the unirerse. The injured husband had little time for reflection when he reached the glare oil-cloth of the hall and shot across it with scarcely diminished ve locity, literally making the oil-cloth and the seat of his pantaloons smoke with friction, and finally bringing up against the door with a violence that threatened to burst the side out of the house. The fearful concussion startled his wife, who turned a back-somcrsault from the table into a tub of soap-suds, in which she was so tightly wedged that she had to throw a handspring and canter on all fours like a turtle with a tub on her back and cataracts of suds inundating her. Meanwhile, the hired woman fell off the step-ladder with a,crash like a pile-driver, had jarred down most of the plaster cornice. When the man’s wife had sloughed her tub, she saun tered calmly into the hall and re marked, “Well, men are the clumsiest— and the hall had just been washed, too.” Her husband did not say much, but he thought a good deal; and now, he says, just let Susan B. Anthony come and lecture here again, and if no other man has the courage to hiss, he will, so help him Jasper packiemcrtuu.—Chica go Tribune. ART OF WORK. The secret lies in keeping the ma chine in order. To do this observe the the following rules: Ist. Amuse yourself. This is the first principle of good, hard work. And the second is like unto it. 2d. Don’t work too much. It is the quantity not the quality of work that kills. Therefore, 3d. Work only in the day time. Night was made for sleep. And 4th. Rest on Sunday. otli. Go to work promptly but slow .l y. A late hurried start keegs you out of breath all day trying to catch up. . 6th. When you stop work, forget it. It spoils the brain to simmer after a hard boil. - 7th. Feed regularly, largely, and slowly. Lose no meal; approach it respectfully and leave gracefully. No more can be goi out of a man than is put into him. Bth. Sleep one-third of your whole life. How 1 hate the the moralist who croak over time wasted in sleep. Be sides, sleep is on the whole the most satisfactory mode of existence. 9th. Don’t abuse tobacco. Enjoy it, but not as an unconscious habit. • Burn no incense thoughtlessly on the altar of this god of good digestion and peace of mind. 10th. Keep whisky for emergencies. Like religion, it’ is too good for every day use, and should lie respected ac cordingly. 11th. Focus your brains as you would a burning glass. Blitter enough for a small slice won’t do for a whole loaf. 12th. Keep empty-headed between times. Mental furniture should be very select. Useless lumber in the upper story is worse than a pocketful of oyster-shells. Leave your facts on your book shelves, wliefl! you can find them when wanted. A walking en cyclopaedia cannot work for want of room to turn round in its own head. 13th. Don’t tax your memory. Make a memorandum and'put it in your pocket. Each unnecessary thought is so much waste of effective force. 14th. Don’t believe that muscular exercise counteracts headwork. Brain and muscle are bung-hole and spigot of the same barrel. 15th. Don’t hide your light under a bushel. Not that tho light is of any special consequence, bnt you might set the bushel on fire. 16th. Pin your faith to the genius of hard work. It is the safest, most reliable and most manageable sort of genius. If inen are the salt of the earth, women are the sugar. Salt is a neces sity ; sugar a luxury. Vicious men are the saltpetre ; hard, stern men rocksalt; nice family men, the table salt. Old maids ajo the brown sugar ; good-natur ed matrons, the loaf sugar; pretty girls, tho fine pulverized white sugar. Pass me the sugar, please? What is that-which no man wants, which, if any man has, lie would not part for untold wealth? “Abald head.’ HE WANTED WATER. The Boston Commercial Bulletin tells a good story of a verdant one who was a passenger in a railroad express train, and became thirsty. Where’s that ’ere boy with the water can? he queried of-his next neighbor. He has gone forward to the baggage car, I suppose, was the reply. Wall, d’ye s’pose I can git him back here again? Certainly, said the other, you have only to ring for him, and he nodded toward the bell-1 ine that ran above their heads. Ngfe No sooner said than done. Before any one fipgld prevent, Rustic had seized the line and given it a tremen dous tug. The consequence were at once obvious; three shrill whistles were heard, half a dozen brakemen ran to their posts, and the train came to a standstill with a suddenness that start led half the passengers with astonish ment, and caused every man near a window to hoist it and look out to see what was the matter. In a few minutes the conductor, red and excited, came foaming into the car to know who had pulled the bell-rope. Here, mister, this way; I’m the man, shouted the offender, drawing all eyes upon him. You! shouted the conductor; what did you do it for? Cos I wanted some water. Wanted some water? Sartin ; I wanted the water-boy, and my pardner here in the seat said I’d better ring for him, as we do at the hotel, an’ so 1 yanked tbe rope. Will he be along soon? An’, by the by, what in thunder be ye stopping for? The shout of laughter that greeted this honest confession was too much for the conductor, and he had to wait until he got his train under way before he explained the mysteries of the bell-rope to the verdant passenger. A TOUCHING AND EAUTIFUL PRAYER. Yesterday we were handed a prayer written by Miss Lillie Harrison, who ended her life last Monday. She wrote and left it at the house of a friend. The composition is beautiful, full of intelligence and pathos. In it is the “lone rock by the sea,” an expression which she so often used. The tone of the whole is touching and was surely prompted by a Christian spirit: “Thou hast commanded me to come unto Thee ‘O Lamb of God, I come’— a trembling, repentant sinner, I come to kneel at Thy cross. Oh, give me rest, rest, eternal rest —rest for the mind, body and soul. Direct my fal tering foot steps ; support Tie by Thy loving arm ; let my weary head sink to rest on Thy bosom, and send Thy holy angel’s to guide me in the paths of righteousness. Teach me to bear with resignation and Chvistion patience the taunts of my enemies. Help me to re pay wit., gratitude the loving kindness of my friends. O help me my Blessed Father ! help me, to lift my thoughts from this cold and cruel world to brighter realms of light above. And when at last am called to‘die—when the taunts of mine enemies are forever hushed by the presence of Death (that dread king, who visits alike the palace and cottage, the glittering of gay festi vities, and the weeping mourners on the lone rock by tbe sea’) —let me joyful ly wing my flight to happy lands above; and there, with the glistening harp and golden crown, sing praises for ever more to 'Him who died for me!’—[Colum bus Enquirer. A SEVEN-MILE RACE FOR A GRASS WIDOW SHIP. A novel and exciting race took place between a married couple at Knoxville, lowa. For obvious reasons, we shall suppress their names. They had been on a visit to some friends some seven miles northwest of Fella, and got up a quarrel between them, just as such commonly happen, lie is one of those kind of fellows that, when he says a thing he means it, and stick ty it, wheth er right or wrong. She—a masculine, healthy, and well proportioned female —doe3 dot believe in saying yes when she means no. So, for a time, they had it up and down—with words—their eyes flashed fire, and it looked as if there would be a battle, when the wo man proposed that they had better set tle their quarrel by running a race to Pella, whoever should be the first at their residence, all the property would belong to, and the loser was to walk quietly out and “vamoose the rancho,” never to trouble the winner again. The man, confident in himself, as a pedestrian, agreed to this, and proposed that they should start at that time, lie threw offhiscoat, and she tightened her corsets and otherwise prepared herself for the trial of speed and endu rance, and then they started. Adam took the shortest way by cutting across farms ; Eve kept the main thoroughfare. We did not witness the race, consequon ly we cannot say how they stopped, hut tho result was in favor of the woman, who had a plain, well-beaten track; while the man—thinking to bo the gain er by the short track—was tho loser on account of the soaky condition of the sloughs, which were hardly passa ble. Tue woman is now a sweet sam ple of tho grass widow. • Debt is a trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into,---and catches a fool. Off Duty.—Bailey, of the Danbury News, relates this : Colonel B was standing in the square at Bethel, the other day, when he spied a farmer who, some weeks ago, had sold him a load of very “crooked” hay. The party in question is an active professor of relig ion and a most zealous worker for iris own pocket. The man’s profession and practice being in such marked contrast, caused the Colonel to eye him with a dislike. When lie came up the Colonel charged him with deception in the mat ter of the hay. The skinflint stoutly denied the charge. The Colonel drew himself up to full height and disdain fully observed: lam a soldier, sir—not a liar! • So am I a soldier, whin ad the promo ter of “crooked” hay. You? ejaculated the Colonel, in a tone of disgust, what kind of a soldier are you? I’m a soldier of tho Cross, said the skinflint, with a detestable flourish of the hand. That may be, said the Colonel, dryly, but you've been on a furlough ever since I knew you. Two Reasons.— Here’s a boy down here that wants to lick me ! exclaimed a boot-black as be approached a police man on Gfriswold street yesterday. He does, eh? What for? Says I called him names, but I didn’t. And are you afraid of him? No, not exactly ; but 1 don’t want to fight. One reason is I promised my dying mother I wouldn’t, and the other reason is because lie’s bigger'n I am.— Detroit Free Press. SWORN ON IIIS LEG. The witness had served in one of the Indiana regiments, aud come home from the wars with both arms shot off’. He lost one arm at Fort Donelson and thoothe at Lookout Mountain. When he came forward to testify the clek com menced to administer the oatli: “You solemnly swear— ’ “Stop ! stop ! interrupted the judge (now installed) with overpowering digni ty. The witness will hold up his right hand when he was sworn. “Your Honor, replied the clerkmeek ly, “the man has no right hand. “Then-let him hold up left hand. “If your Honor will remember, the witness has no left baud, either, lie had the misfortune to loose them both in battle. Perhaps the clerk thought by this last bit of information to bring the judge down from his height of displeasure; but be reckoned without his host. “Then tell him to hold up his right leg. A witness cannot be sworn in this court without holding up something! —. Silence ! all of you ! This court knows the law, and will maintain it. The witness was sworn on one leg. Not in Stock. —Four persoffb were brought up at a police court a short time ago for disturbance at an inn. A part of the charge against them was the order given by them for supper. Solomon took his seat first, placed his hands upon (he table, and issued the following : “AVaiter, bring me a dish of fried millstones and two church steeples cold, without sugar.” George gave next his order: “A pint o town pumps done brown’ with a spoon in it.” Stephen was next on the list, and or dered as follows: ‘Landlord, bring me a quart of sta tion clerks, two fried contractors, and a bootjack.” Mr Driver came last, and made the following request: “Landlord, bring the Thames Tunnel stuffed with onions and a pint of South Sea bubbles, warm without.” The simple landlord, after consider ing a miuute, merely answered : “I ha’n’tgot’em gentlemen,” when a row ensued. A Jersyinaii married five wives, and they were all red-headed, lie explains it by relating that the first one clawed the spirit out of him so complete!y that he did’nt care after that if he married a porcupine. - A mother was telling some lady friends, the other day, about her inten tion to celebrate an anniversary of some event, and her plug-ugly of a boy came into the room ’ust then ami asked: Maw, what is an anniversary? I’ll tell yon some time, she replied. 1 know, he wickedly replied; you are going to pick up the shovel and chase pa down the cellar again! After the ladies had departed the mother took the boy up stairs to remove false impres sions. They were sitting together, he and she, and lie was arduously thinking what to say. Finally he burst out with, ‘ln this land of noble achievements and undying glory, why is it that women do not come more to the front; why is it that thej’ do not climb the ladder of fame’? ‘J suppose,’ said she putting her finger in her mouth, ‘it is all on ac count of their pull-backs.’ And then she sighed and he sighed, side by side. He isn’t six years old, and he said: Pleaso, sister Sarah, can't I have anoth er piece of this nice custard pie you made? Why dear, you are too full for utterance now. Look at that lueious dumpling on your plate not half eaten. Oh, well, sister, I know the* dumpling side of my stomach is full, but the cus tard-pic side feels rather empty yet. That other piece of pie is missing. PLAIN JUG. Yesterday morning a boy about eleven years old stood for a long half hour in front of a Detroit saloon in specting the display of battles in the show window. He saw pound, flat and other kinds of pint bottles and, quart bottles, some with, silver plated caps, and some with gold lables, and -lie had become deeply interested when another boy lounged up and inquired: “See Anything that reminds you of, home?” “Nawthing,” was the solemn an swer. “Don’t drink whiskey at your house eh?” “Dad does,” answered the boy after waiting to spell out another lable. but he keeps her in a plain jug, and all the printing he has on it says good for rats!” Your visits remind me of the growth of a successful newspaper, said Uncle Jaboz, leaning his chair on his cane and glancing at William Ilonry, who was sweet ou Angelica. Why so? inquired William Her.ry. Well, they commenced ou a weekly, grew to try-weekly, and have now be come a daily, with a Sunday supple ment. Yes, said William Henry, bracing up, aud after we ate married we win issue an extra— Sh—h, said Angelica, and then they wont out for a stroll.— N. 0. Times. Yes, lle Loved Her. —On a Wood ward avenue car yesterday way a man who had looked upon lager beer one glass too much. His eyes were half closed, and his head bobbed right and left as tho car bobbed along. Opposite him sat a woman with a baby in her arms. The child looked up and smiled, and the fond mother pinched its cheek and asked :• Does darling love me? Tiie toper straightened up, got his gaze to bear on the woman, and in a mournful voice called out: Mi your darling? Does I love you? You juz bezz your las, dollar, I do ! Substantial Evidence. —A very wealthy young man, with a reputation for fastness, married recently. On the morning after the wedding the bride asked iier husband to perform an office of the toilet for her, made necessary by the absence of her maid. The lui-j band did it willingly, and when it was concluded was astonished to find his pretty wife iu tears. ‘Why, iny own precious !’ said he, ‘what is the matter with her luibby’s pet?’ ‘O Jimmie!’ replied the poor girl, crying as if her heart would break, ‘if you hadn't laced a thousand corsets, you never could have done it like that,’ boo hoo-00. Vanderbilt was worth only a million when lie was 60. Think of that and cheer up when you look despairingly at your last niekle. At this season, the question which in terests a boy is not so much whether his life will be crowned with glory and hon or, as whether his new summer vest is going to be made out of his father’s old trousers, At a medical examination, a younw aspirant for a physician's diploma w*as asked. When does mortification ensue? When you propose and a v e rejected, was the reply that greeted the question er. 0 ‘I guess dad wishes we’d all die and go to Heaven, said a miser’s son to his maternal parent. Why so? she asked, upon recovering from her astonish ment. Oit, 'cause Heaven is such a cheap place to live in. Young Smith: Rather sudden that about Jones, isn't it? Died at six o’clock this morning. Old Brown: Good gracious, you don’t say so ! Why 1 met Him only last night, and—and— and he was alive then !• No, sir, said a weary looking man on a street car to an individual by his side. 1 wouldn’t marry the best woman alive. I’ve been a dry goods clerk too long 'for that. How to raise catr: First catch your cats; and then put them in. a barrel 1 aud explode a can of nitro-glycerine un der them. It never fails to raise em ; but tho cats'come down greatly demor alized. Miss Tucker says it is with bachelors as it is with old wood; it is hard to get, them started, but when they do take game they burn prodigiously. A young lady threw herself into the box at the post-office instead of her letter, nor did she discover her mistake until the clerk asked her if she was single. Josh Billings has written a play. The principal part will be taken by the hind legs of a mule, and tho dramatic movement will be hastened by the busi ness end of a hornet, skiWTully introdu ced- __ A gentleman objected to playing cards with a lady, because, said he, sho has such a “winning way” about her. The times were once so bad down east that the girls complained that the young men couldn’t pay their addresses. I specs, my beluved hearers, said a colored parson, I specs to-day to take a broad field in my ’scourso. It, takes me a good.while to get away from tho dock, when I once strikes do deep water den look out lbr do big fish. NO. 8
