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WHOLE NO. 200. The Qaittnen Reporter is ruSMsdfiti evkky tricitSttAY by JOS. TltlLitfAN, ri-oi> 'i'KUM.-i- One Tear 00 Six Months 1 00 Three Months > r, o All subscriptions must be paid invariably *n a ir.finer -no discrimination in favor ol 'anybody. Til-.! paper will be stopped in all instances at the expiration o'* .lie time paid tor, unless subscriptions arc previously renewed. RATES OF ADVERTISING. Advertisements inserted .at the rate ot SI.OO per square -one inch -for first inser tion, and 75 cents for oa 'b subsequent in sertion, for three weeks ~ less. For a lon ger period the following are our rates: Sirs 1 M. all. 3 -■! OM. 12 M. 1 $5 00 $3 00 10 00 15 00 S2O 00 2 800 12 00 15 00 2I 00 25 00 3 10 0J 15 00 13 00 25 00 00 00 4 12 00 10 0) 20 0) ; 00 00 1 35 00 5 11 00 18 00 12) 00 135 00 40 00 (i 15 00 20 00 !2500j40 00 | 45 00 8 18 00 12500 j3O 00 45 00 j 50 00 i col 25 00 |3)ooi 35 00 !5000 I (10 00 1 col 35 00 14000 ! 15 00 j 0)00 | lit) 00_ A square is one inch. These are our low test rates, and will bo strictly adhered to. All advertisements should be marked for n specified time, otherwise they will be charged under the rule ot so jnuch for the first insertion, and so much for each subse quent insertion. Marriages, Obituaries and Tributes of Re spect wilf be charged same rates as ordinary advertisements. WHEN HILLS ARE DUE All bills for advertising in this paper are due mi the first appearance of til" advertise ment, except when otherwe- arranged (> (contract, and will bo presented when the Eiouev if. needed. Dr. E. A. J E L KB, Practicing Physician. QUITMAN GA. Office : Brick building adjoining store t)f Messrs. Briggs, Jelks & Cos., Screven street. [l-tl S. T. KINGSBER.Y, Attorney at Law, QUIT MAH, - - GEORGIA. in new Brick Warehouse. Business before the U. S. Patent Office attended I. A. Allbritton, Attorney at Law, QUITMAN. - - - ' GA tfil-OFFIOE IN COTJttT HOUSE. W. A. S. HUMPHREYS, Attorney at Law, QUITMAN. GEORGIA. in the Court House HADDOCK & ItAIFORD, Attorneys at Law, ! QUITMAN, GEO. Will give prompt attention to all business fentnisted to their care. over Kavton’s store. Dr. J. S. N. Snow, DENTIST. OFFICE—Front room np stairs ovorKay ton’s Store. Gas administered for painless ly extracting teeth. t@ suit tho times. jan 19, ly C. W. Stevens, Attorney at Law, - - - - GA. Will give prompt attention to all business entrusted to him. Can be found at Capt. Turner’s of fice. 7b. finch, DEALER IN Dry Goods, Groceries, Roots Shoes, Huts and Caps, Hardware, Tin Ware, Bacon and Flour. Very gratefnl for past, favors and patron age, the subscriber asks a continuation of the same; , J, B. Finch. 33-35-6 m The Brooks County t/ MANUFACTURING ASSOCIATION ARK RUNNING r FI ie i r LVie < ory FULL TIME. HR MOST good*, kiigli us ox 1. m-tly uit the \v;mts of the people ore j made here, and at New York Prices, less the freight to the purchaser. BROWN COTTON GOODS. 4. 4SHEETI NG Standard weight. 7-8 SHlßTlNG—Standard weight. 7 niuj S OSNABURGS. ALL COLORS OF STRIFES. YARNS IN BALES, 8s- 10s. ROPE—-in half and whole Coils. SEWING THREAD—I 6 balls to the pound. K N IT' IT N(I Tll RE AD. WRAPPING TWINE. GEORGIA PLAINS. MIXED PLAINS. WOOLEN PLAINS—AII colors. JEANS—AII colors. IS?"WOOL CARDING A SPE CIALTY. Patronize homo industries. Send for price list, and satisfy yourself where it will Iho to yonr interest to buy. Addiess all i coimuunications to JOSEPH TILLMAN, President B. C. M. A. THE aux 7 1877. YORK. 1877. The dirll r- nt e ditions of The Son during the next year will he the same as during the year that has just p issed. The daily edition will on week days be. ;i sheet of four pages, and on .Sundays a shee t of eight pages, or 56 broad columns; while the weekly edition will be a sheet of eight pages of the same dimensions and character that are already familiar to our friends. The Nun will continue to he the strenuous advocate of reform and retrenchment, and of the substitution ot statesmanship, wis dom, and integrity for hollow pretence, im becility, and fraud in the administration of public affairs. It will contend for the gov ernment of the people by the people and for j the people, as opposed to government by frauds in the ballot-box and in the counting of votes, enforced by military violence, it will endeavor to supply its read, rs a body now not far from a million of souls with the most careful, complete and trustworthy accounts of current events, and will employ for this purpose a mi melons and carefully selected statf of reporters an 1 correspond ents. Its reports from Washington, espe | cially, will be fall, accurate and fearless, and it will doubtless continue to deserve and enjoy the haired ol those who thrive by plundering the Treasury or by usurping what the law does not give them, while it will endeavor to merit the. confidence of the public by defending the rights of the people against the encroachments of uiijustiiied power. The price of the daily Run will he 55 cents a month or s■). 50 a year, post paid, or with the- Mind ay edition $7.70 a year. The .Sunday edition alone, eight pages, $1.20 a year, post paid. The Weekly Sun, eight pages of 56broad columns, will be, furnished during 1877 at the rate of $1 a year, post paid. The benefit of this large reduction from the previous rate for the Weekly can be enjoyed by individual subscribers without j the necessity of making lip clubs. At the i same time, if any of our Iricuds choose to j aid in extending our circulation, we shall he | grateful to them, and every such person who sends uh ten or more subscribers from one I place will be entitled to one copy of the ! paper for himself without charge. At one j dollar a year, postage paid, the expense • cn I paper and printing arc barely repaid; and, | considering the size of the sheet and the quality of its contents, we are confident the ! people will consider The Weekly (Sun the ! cheapest newspaper published in the world, 1 and we trust also one of the very best. ! Address, The Sun, New York City. i). K, CREECIL DEALER IN Dry Goods, Boots, Shocs 9 ( 3 othing, Plantation Furnishing Goods, Etc KAS RECEIVED lii.i new Fall and Win ter Stock, and will be pleased to see his old customers and the public generally, and Hell them goods at the lowest market prices. Quitman, Ga., Sept. 12, 187(1 tf CLOTHING. Although we advertise up-side down, we are right-side-up, especially in the sale of CLOTHING. W e have now in our store the largest and most varied assort ment of Clothing ever in this market, and by an arrangement which we have perfected with Mo?*!*. X. L. Falk At Cos., Manufacturers and wholesale dealers, of Savannah, we can supply our customers with any article in the clothing line at 25 per cent-, below the retail prices of any house in Savannah. Call and examine sam ples, and give us your orders. E. T. DUKES fc BRO. Quitman, Ga., Sept. 19, 1876. • PIMPLES. I Will mail (free) the recipe for preparing a simple Vegetable Balm that will remove fldiif FreckleSi - Viniples and Matches, leaving the skin soft, dear and beautifu’; also in structions for producing a luxuriant growth of hair on a bale} head or smooth face. Ad dress Ben Vandelf sfcjDo., box 5,121, tfb. 5 Wooster street, New York, 48-21 QUITMAN, GA., THURSDAY, MARCH l, 1877. He lost his negroes by the war; lie lost his money on the turf; and he will not make anything in the Returning Board from the Democrats—wo mean J. Madison Wells. Since the infamy of the majority of the electoral commission has become known, there is a suspicion amontr a good many people that the Bradley about whom so much has been said is no less a personage than Aaron Alphe ora. This is not at all complimentary to Aaron Alplieora. “The greater question," said David Dudley Field, speaking of the Florida ease, “is whether or not the American people stand powerless before a gigan tic fraud.” There certainly is your gigantic fraud to begin with, and there before it, too, stand yout American people, says the Louisville Cotirii'r- Journal, and we think it so appears. TuA resolution adopted by the com mission yestesdav, to give the eight electoral votes of Louisiana to Hayes was drawn by Oliver P. Morton, of Indiana. This little scrap of history should he preserved. There is some t hing exceedingly appropriate in the tripartite arrangement of these histo ric names—Wells, Morton, Bradley ! Constitution. When the present complications are settled, we hope the people of Louisiana will See, what has long been plain to the re t. of the Union, that, they are not safe until they have rid themselves of this Returning Board. It has always been the black est blot on the administration of their unfortunate State. Perhaps they will now realize that it is also their gravest danger.— Tribune. If the Tribune’s party will cease interfering in Louisiana, and the Pres ident of the Trio tine's party will take his troops away, that blackest blot will Very speedily be wiped away. World. ’ _ G rant submitted bis plan of specie resumption to the Cabinet Saturday, lie thinks currency can be brought to a specie basis within a mouth, and,, according to the New York Herald's Washington correspondent, says “ev erything will come out right pretty soon for the project,” which is to is sue $100,600,000 of four per cent, gold bonds to fund greenbacks, the bonds to be valid as bank reserves on deposits and security for circula tion. There are many hundred thou sand men in the United States who do not regard the Presidential “pro ject” as illustrative of financial w is dom, though Grant evidently thinks he knows all about it. Washington telegram: “The speech of Representative Purman of Florida, in the House this afternoon created a tremendous sensation, and the mem bers gathered around him in crowds. The Republicans were dumbfounded to hear one of their own party, and a carpet-bagger, at that, stand up in his seat and assert that his State had been fairly carried by the Democrats and fraudulently given to the Repub licans. Coming right on the head of the action of the Elector)'l Commis sion in the Florida case, the chagrin which Mr. Purman’s remarks created among the Republicans was much greater than it would otherwise have | been. It ought not and cannot fail j to have its influences on the country, | coining from such a source.” The South is entitled to represen i tation on the Supreme Bench, and her claim will no doubt be recognized af ter the 4th of March. On this point the New York Sun says: “This exclusion of twelve millions of people from any voice of represen | tation iu the highest court, has been continued since the close of the civil war twelve years ago. We are enter ing at last upon an area of concilia tion, of peace, and of new prosperity. The harshness of carpet-bug recon struction is about exhausted. The worse features of the Enforcement acts have been pronounced unconsti tutional. The carpet-bag system generally has fallen into utter dis grace, and all the violent measures by which extreme leaders have sought to hold on to power, are now generally condemned by the country.” Georgia, as the banner Democratic State, should have that judgeship. Wo have no suggestion to make as to the proper individual. Uncle Sam will no doubt pick out the best man. A bright young lady gave her slow lover a delicate leap year hint the other evening. In the coarse of the conversation the gentleman asked her what form of marriage she thought the most beautiful. Her quick reply was: “I should care little for form; the substance seems of more importance.” That girl wears an engagement ring now. I'll!! Down Hit' Monunicnl. When thirty or forty years ago it •vas determined to honor George Washington in some extraordinary way, people thought they could best do so by building bun a matblo obe lisk on the bank of the Potomac. Wo will not stop to discuss the wisdom of their plan. It is enough to say that if six hundred feet of mftrble were necessary to commemorate six feet of George Washington, the shaft, as it stands and lias stood for years, does not commemorate him mncl above the knees. Ii is now proposed to ask Congress to appropriate money for the purpose of pulling down this monument and building it up again somewhere else. As it stands, the untinished shaft lias cost, between three and four hundred thousand dollars. In the present de pressed condition of industry it could probably be pulled down for less. Let the monument comedown, by all means. The foundation of ledge rock upon which it has its base may be stable, as the engineers who locat ed it there thought, or it may be un stable, as the engineers think who now recommend its removal. It is ol little consequence which engineers are right. The truth is, we no longer need or want a monument to George Washington. He is superseded. The principles for w hich he fought are surrendered, and the Constitution which he defended is dishonored. Why keep up any longer the hollow pretense of honoring the man? Full down the monument, then,! and let ns bear no more talk of re building it—that, is, of rebuilding it j in honor of George Washington. [ File up the stones again, if the city | must have a shaft, and pile them I high. I’iie them up tiil the apex can be seen for miles in any direction. : At the top of al! put a colossal statue .4 foe Bradley, the .1 ’resident-maker, | with a band;!./, m. i one eye and his band stretched out toward the s\ Lite. ■ House. If Congress is to make an appro priation, let it appropriate all the copies of the old Constitution which! belong to the government, and all the statutes aud all judicial decisions bas ed upon that Constitution. ‘ Let the great mass of documents be melted down into a colossal pasteboard stat ue of Joe Bradley and placed at the top o! the shaft; but let the new mon ument be known as a monument to him and not to George Washington. — N. Y. Sun. TlifiT Was One .Matt Calling himself a Republican, in Con gress, who could not swallow the, Louisiana Returning Board knavery. His name is Julius 11. Seely e, and be represents the tenth district of Massa- j chusetts. He is President of the Am herst College, in that State, and is a man ot much ability' and learning. All honor to him. Seelye, however, thought the vote of Louisiana should not be counted at all, but thrown out on account of fraud on one side and intimidation on the other. But even the Returning Board thought only about a thousand were seared away from voting for | Hayes in Louisiana, while we do not believe that even one was intimidated in that way. However, Seelye knew, like every other Republican member; of Congress, that the count of Louis- j bum for Hayes was a gross and irre- j dcemablc fraud, but be was the only j one unwilling to become a party to it. Mr. Benu.umix, the eminent Q. C. who was once a United States Sena tor, and who, during the existence of the Southern Confederacy, was its minister of war aud of the interior, has set an excellent example to his colleagues at the English bar. He returned ill his briefs for the sittings | of the courts at Guildhall, accompa nied by the checks for the fees which j he had received on them. His rea sons was that as his time would be I occupied in Westminister Hall he did not consider it right to receive fees for business to which he could not at tend. n __ The llamiton Tax.—The Nears and Courier says when Governor Hamp ton first called for ten per cent, con tribution, the Columbia Union-lle.rald was surprised into saying that if, in tho course of a few weeks, the tax payers should really pay SIIO,OOO to agents of Governor Hampton, it would begin to believe that the “Starve-’em-oat” poliev might bo suc cessful. Tho money has been paid. Governor Hampton has received, so far, over one hundred thousand dol lars, with many precincts yet to hear from. The experiment tried in Liverpool of opening cheap coffee houses for the sale of cocoa, coffee, tea, and bread, to counteract the influence of the grog shops is proving very successful. Eighteen have already been estab lished, and though most of the sales are only a half penny,- they not only meet expenses, but will pay a good dividend on the outlay. They are considered a most effective weapon against intemperance. It was at the funeral of a family. A neighbor in the church-yard, while tlio service was going on inside, was speaking of the deceased, and took advantage of the opportunity to ob serve, in a tone of subdued sympathy, "An’ he had just got in his coal aud potatoes for the winter. It is a sad case.” Untight Him. A mnn and his wife, seeking to break themselves of fretting and scolding, entered into an agreement of this nature: Tltb one who first lost temper with the other or with the children was to bo published as a “scold.” The medium through w hich this humiliating intelligence was to bo communicated to the world was not specified iu the contract, but the husband uuderstdM ttiat it was to bo through the newspaper. The wife nearly bit the end of her tongue off the first day’s trial, snap ping up the hard words which tried to escape her lips. But both were dismally peaceful until the afternoon of the second day, when the husband tlew into a passion simply because one of the children polished his stockinged feet with a blacking brush while he was taking liis usual nap. At the tirst burst of anger bis wife quietly arose and put on her bonnet. “Where are you going?” bo in quired, suspiciously. “To publish you,” she replied. “Oh, well, go ahead. The boys at the olliee won’t give me'much of a blast.” “But I’m not going to the printing office.” “Where, then ?” he asked, in sur prise. “To the sewing society.” That brought him to terms, and long and earnestly he begged her not to make his weakness known through out the length and breadth of the land. Finally, in consideration of a new silk dress, by him to bo deliv ered, she agreed to let him off. But it was a narrow escape. A Sensation in Church. —There was a sudden sensation in an Oakland church, on a late Sunday. It ap pears that a young lady member of the choir became so anxious to exam ine a certain exasperatiugly pretty bonnet in a pew back under the organ loft, that she lost her balance, and turned a somersault down upon the unsuspecting congregation. The min ister had only reached “tenthly, when he was shocked by a dissolving view of striped stockings; and the millionaire underneath had just se lected his smallest coin for the heath en, when a pair of two inch heels took him in the back of the neck like the fast dying lick of a pile-driver. When the dust cleared the church was found to be empty, and since then the Hock have meekly, but firmly, inform ed the vestry that unless the choir is fenced in, or a net stretched ever the heads of the congregation, ns requir ed by law, they will stay away from the sanctuary. —Pittsburg Gazette. RkiTiiiEiNG to the decision on the Florida case the Philidelphia Times says: The one lesson of yesterday that will make good men of every faith and clime bow to keen regret, is the strict partisan decision by which the highest tribunal the laws of a free govern ment could create, decided the vote of a sovereign State for the Presi dency of the Republic; and should the final judgment of the Commission be deformed by a partizau decision, there will be unrest even under the willing obedience that the nation will faithfully accord to its lawful ruler. Many men are said to be self-taught. No man was ever taught in anyother way. Do you suppose a man is a bucket, to be hung on the well of knowledge and pumped full? Man is a creature that learns by the exer tion of his own faculties. There are aids to learning of various kinds; blit no matter how many of these aids a man may be surrounded by, after all, the learning is that which he himself acquires. And whether he be in col lege or out of college, iu school or out of school, every man must educate himself. And in our times and com munity every inaa has the means of doing it. Susan Shrove, of Princeton, Ky., had the reputation of being a won derfully trustworthy fortune-teller, though she was not an old hag, as is the conventional sceress, but young and handsome. She predicted, some time ago, that C. Lewis Hollings worth would meet his death at the hands of a highway-man, and that his body would never be found. A few days ago his horse returned home riderless, and Susan’s reputation stood high until it was discovered that she, too, had disappeared and that Hol lingsworth had taken his best clothes and all the money lie could raise. Granite is brought from Maine to build a post-office in Atlanta, and marble from Vermont for headstones in the government cemetery at Mari etta. 10,000 pieces of the latter have just been received. This is the way that the government helps the South. Witbiu sight of the new post-office there is actually an uncovered moun tain of granite, and not twenty miles from Marietta there are inexhausti ble quarries of marble. But the men of New England must have Contracts. —Allaida Constitution. A woman’s hand. How beautifully moulded! How faultless in symme try ! How soft and white, and ridd ing; and old how much of gentle mem ory its pressure Conveys. Yet we don’t like it in out hair, says a crusty old married editor somewhere in Sf. Louis. iUK.ILLMNU A LA MODE. My (Ipp.rust wish in gratified, Wo’m settled, lo .-o, at lust, Within tho little rural home We (IrtMid'ul of in the pant. A Gothic cottage, rose-entwined 'Flic “Gothic” took my eye And advertised at such a song, Wo could not help but buy ! The roses, clinging ’round the porch, Perfumed each passing breeze; The sunbeam shimmered into shade While tumbling through the ree.s; A little streamlet, ripjdii g m ar, Made music, night and day; And such a chance, the Fg nt said, ’Twere hh-i!Ui> to th‘\>\V awtuy ’ In this sequestered vale, we felt, Our lives could ripple by Uadimnied, save bv such tleeoy clouds As shade the summer sky; And so, about a month ago We bade adieu to town, And iiFour new-found Edcu home We came to settle down. Rut “settling down" is tedious work. As every,woman knows Who makes her plans in j'oetryi And works them out in prose. We found our Gothic cottage went, So very much to point That we and all our household gods Seemed somehow out of joint. Our furniture was all so largo, The rooms so very small, Twasonly by Procrustean skill We fitted in at all. The kitchen both the servants left, Without a second look, I think, my dear, to modern Eves, • The devil comes as cook ! The rose-wreathed porch is full of slugs That are the ‘Tiihh'en's dread j The little streamlet turns a mill Whose racket turns my bead. We’re so sequester and by the hills, And sheltered by the trees, We never see a passing friend, Or catch a passing breeze. In short, nr .Lav though L.is, of course, Is breathed alone to you Tho dim f< rspe< live lends a charm To every rural view. And as for Eden well, I hopo It isn’t wrong to say, I’m not at all surprised that Eve Rebelled to tjcl away! Iftteiuess iii Ancient. Pompeii Ono of the most interesting dis coveries in recent years at Pompeii was made iu 1875, when a wooden chest was brought to light, contain ing the business receipts of ono L. Ciecilns Jucundus. The chest crum bled to dust on exposure to tho air, but the tablets on which the receipts were written have at length proved to be legible in many instances, and ! the result of a careful study of these tablets by Mommsen and others lias been to clear up several points in what was among the Romans a mat ter of great consequence, viz: the po- 1 sition of the middleman iu affairs of business. There was not among the ; Romans the same extensive (system of shops as with us, supplying every possible article of necessity or luxury, and for this reason there arose innu merable occasions of private persons desiring to dispose of this or that ar ticle, as for instance, a surplus of ap : ricultural produce, old carts, ploughs, or even old and invalid slaves, as Cato recommends the land-owner to do. The tablets iu question are dated, ac cording to custom, by giving the names of the consuls for the year. The greater part of the dates fall be- j tween A. D. 53-62. A few are as early as 15 and 27. Since there is no more recent date than 62, it becomes high ly probable that tho tablets of Jucun dus had been overwhelmed in the earlier eruption of Vesuvius. The majority of the tablets are triptychs, and are written partly with letter on wax, spread on the tablet, and partly in ink on the bare wood. Among them there is only one which gives tho amount of commission which he received, and that proves to bo 2 per cent., which is known from other sources to have been the general rate. Usually he merely says “minus the commission.” The person on whom this expense fell was the buyer.— London Times. Virtue for Virtue’s Sard.— There is a tremendous work in time to be done by each one. The ruling of one’s own injustice and pietyjis the first tiling, and, if that is well done, much else that ought to be done will naturally flow out of it. We must be honest; not because it is the “best policy,” but because it is wrong to be dishonest. We must be pure, not because impurity is a social danger, a destroyer of health and character, but because it is a vice hateful to God and destructive, not only of our own soul, but souls of others; we must be charitable, not because it may happen to be easy to give a little hero and there, but wisely, as to our own brethren for God’s sake. In a word our lives must be supernatural, and it needs no letters to make them so. Faith is wiser than philosophies, tho love of (<od more inspiring than eloquence, and the religion of Christ, the book of the cross, more instruct ing and enlightening than all letters. Justice Bit.vnr.EY is said to be ft great linguist. A western paragraphist as serts that, he converses freely in a dozen living languages, and is fumil iar with an equal number of dead tongues. VOL. JV. NO. 1. A woman named Marie Oelvet was recently sentenced to twenty years of bard labor for the murder of her sis ter Julia in Paris. While the trial was going on she constantly wore a long crape veil. “Why do you wear this veil ?” asked ono of the officials. To which the sweet girl gently re adied: "lam in mourning for my poor sister!” This fairly matches the French puricide who, on being asked what he had to sav after his [condemnation for killing his father I and mother, entreated the court, to “have mercy on a poor orphan!” “I have fully resolved,” ho said at the breakfast table, “not to touch a | single drop of the Old Thing year, so help me gracious.” His wife , looked pleased, and all his friends | congratulated him when they heard of tho new departure. When he went home at 11 o’clock he was hur rahing for General Jackson, and call ing on the Louisiana returning board to throw him out if he ever touched a drop of tlm Old Thing iu liis life. Sub sequent developments revealed tho fact that the Old Thing was water. Servant: "I suppose, ma’am, I shall not wait on the table?” Lady: “Oh, no! 1 want a housemaid.” Serv ant: “I suppose, ma'am, I shall not have to make the beds?” Lady (sur prised, but composedly): “Certainly not.” Servant (thinking the place will suit): “And I suppose, ma’am, I shall not be expected to answer the door?” Lady: “Of course not. The fact is, I want a servant to look at! but I don’t think you will suit!” A venerable divine, who had been dining out the night before, went into a barber’s shop one morning to bri shaved, lie saw that the barber had been getting more drink than was good for him, for it made his hand shake very much, and naturally in dignant, he began to give him a little moral advice, saying: “Bad thing, drink.” “Yes,” said tho barber, “it makes tho skin remarkably tender.” Spanish robbers are proverbially po lite. An Englishman was once, ac costed on a lonely road by a ruffian, “Sir, you lav my coat on; may I trouble ymi for it The English man drew a pistol, wud told the fel low he was mistaken. '‘Sir,'’ said the robber, “I perceive that I am. Will you do me the honor to commu nicate your name, that I may remem ber it in my prayers ? ’ Tumi: is something l-.-fi-oshicg iu the absolute astonishment that visitors to a printing office sometimes display at the commonest thing. “What is that black looking thing standing u in that corner?” is sometimes aSksd by an unsophisticated observer, and the nearest typo answers: “That is the printing office towel. Wo always stand it up in that corner.” It is said to be satisfactorily demon strated that every time a wife scolds her husband she adds a wrinkle to her face. It is thought that the an nouncement of this fact will have a most salutary effect, especially as it is understood that every time a wild smiles on her husband it will remove one of the okl wrinkles. A bumpkin, once dining with thd Governor of Rhode Island, where part of tho entertainment consisted of champagne and preserved limes, was asked by bis host, at the conclusion, how lie liked liis dinner. He replied: “Well, Guvnor, your cider is very good, but darn your pickles 1” A Cincinnati judge, who had be come perfectly reckless in the dis charge of his police court duties; concluded a marriage ceremony, re cently, with the encouraging remark to the happy couple: “You will stand committed until the lino aud costs arts paid.” A certain editor, soon after be be gan to learn the printing business, fell in love with a preacher’s daughter. The next time he attended meeting he was rather taken down at hearing the preacher announce: “My daugh ter is grievously tormented with a devil 1” Ax inquisitive young man visited the State prsion, and, among other questions, asked a girl the cause of her being in such a place. Her an l swer was that she “stole a water-mill, and went bad! after the stream that turned the mill, aud was arrested.” A lady who asserts that her opin ion is based upon a close observance; says that men as a rule, regard their wives as angels for just two months a month before marrying her; and a month after burying her. “Captain,” said a son of Erin, as it ship was nearing the coast in inclem ent weather, “have ye an almonik on board?" “No, I haven’t;” “Then, he jaoers, we shall have to take tho weather as it comes.” "Eternity, past, and future flashed before my eyes,” he said, “and I saw where the crack of doom began and ended.” This was his experience tho first timo a base ball struck him iu the stomach. “Don’t call on me for three days,” is what a Columbus girl posted oil the front gate, and she further added: “I’m going to cat some onions thifi week, if I never have another beau.” Peusons with corns must be careful and not sit under the blue grass rays, for they make all vegetables grow prodigiously. Tho saiuo applies to those with b-unionS. What a silent old world it would be jif men talked only as much as they j think. A fellow would have to carry j a rattle around with him to make a noire with.