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MUSES* RETREAT. IDEAL GRIEF . Now darkness envelopes the grove, And dies the last gleam of the weft, Whilst o’er the rough defart I rove, Indulging fad thoughts in my breast; Nor whirlwinds that ftcrnly resound, Nor billows that irefully roll All winter’s grim horrors around, Can equal the storm in my foul. I climb the rude rocks in the dark, Till, wearied, I fall on the ground; On days that are flown 1 remark, L* Whilst galling reflexions abound t I dwell on the falflioods of art; Remember the tales I believ’d; And, weeping, deplore my fond heart, In love and in friendfliip deceiv’d. • All comfort is flown from my light, But solitude’s gloomy relief; I ramble forlorn in the night, To ruminate wild on my grief! With mempry prompting the sigh, 1 With feelings by villany smote, i Vile man , from thy dwellings I fly, To caves of the mountain remote. My foul with defpondcncy fraught, Gave way to thole phantoms of care, When the aftgtl of reason, I thought, I Thus utter’d a. voice in my car : ’ “ Blind mortal, what makes thee complain I, “ To frailty thus yielding thy mind ? “ Mad fancy creates all thy pains, “ Or pride with wild jombin’d.” . j. e^egy, BY PETER. PINDAR, ESQ. ON THE DEATH OF HIS WIFE. j Lo !to the iron hand of fate, My dear Statira, meek foul’d mate, Reftgns her tuneful breath. Though lock’d her teeth, her lips tho’ pale, And blue cacti harmless finger nail, She’s beautiful in death. Soon as I heard thclaft sweet sigh, And law her lovely doling eye, i ‘ How great was my surprise. Yet did I not with impious breath Arraign the sudden tliafts of death, Nor blame the righteous Ikies— Why do I groan in deep despair ? i. Since flic’s a fir ft rate angel fair—■ Ah! why my bosom finite? Could grief Statira s lifereftore ? But, let me give such ravings o’er. Whatever is—is right. j Repress the fad, tin?wounding ferearrt, II I cannot bear such grief extreme, Enough one little sigh. ||j Besides—the wild uproar of grief fj In many a nvind might raise belief JThaPttll our grief’s a lie. Ye friends who come to mourn her doom, i For God’s fake gently tread the room, Nor call her from theblcfl— Infofteft silence drop the tear, In whispers breathe the fervent prayer To bid her spirit rest. V I Good people fltroud my lamb with care, 1 Her limbs foft touching, kindly spare, Her mouth, ah ! gently close Her mouth, the fwceteft tongue that held, [ i* , | Whose mild, commanding tone compet'd To peace my loudelt woes. And carpenter for my fad fake I Os stoutest oak her coffin make I’d not be sneaking fure— | Os steel procure the strongest ferews, For who would paltry pertce refufe I To lodge his wife l'ecurc. (7 Ye mourners, who the corps convey, , . With caution tread the doleful way, Nor fluke her precious head— ( t ‘rince fame reports —a coffin toft UU With carclds riving against a post, Hi. Did once dillurb the dead. Urt Farewel my love—forever loft; Ne’er troubled be thy gentle ghost lIE That I again may woo; llßfy all our part delights,my dear, f.'\o more the marriage chain I'll wear— A Plague take me if I do. MISCELLANEOUS REPOSITORY i. THE MATRIMONIAL CREED. Whosoever will be married, before all things it is neceflary that he hold the conjugal faith ; and the conjugal faith is this I That there were two ra tional beings created, both equal, and yet one superior to the other ; and the inferior shall bear rule over the supe rior ; which faith, except every one keep whole, and undefiled, without doubt he shall be scolded everlastingly- The man is superior to the woman, and the woman is inferior to the man ; yet both are equal, and the woman dial! govern the man. The woman is commanded to obey the man, and the man ought to obey the woman ; And yet there are not two obedients, but one obedient. For there is one dominion nominal of the husband, and another dominion real of the wife j And yet there are not two domini ons, but one dominion. For, like as we are compelled by the Christian verity to acknowledge, that wives mull submit themselves to their husbands, and be fubjedt to them in all things ; So are we-forbidden by the conjugal faith to fay, that they lhould be at all influenced by their wills, or pay any regard to their commands. The man was n >t created for the woman, but the woman for the man ; Yet the man shall be the (lave of the woman, and the woman the tyrant of the man : So that in all things, as aforefaid, the fubjedlion of the superior to the inferior is to,be believed. He, therefore, that will be married, muff thus think of the woman and the man. Furthermore, it is neceflary to fub millive matrimony, that he also be lieve rightly the infallibility of th.e wife. For the right faith is, that we be lieve and ccnfefs, that the wife is fal lible and infallible; Perfectly fallible, and perfcdlly infal lible; of an erring foul and unerring mind fubftiling ; fallible, as touching her human Nature;’ and infallible, as touching her female sex. Who, though lhe be fallible and in fallible, yet lhe is not two, but one woman ; who submitted to lawful marriage to acquire unlawful domi nion; and promiled religioully to obey, that lhe might rule with uncontroled fvvay. This is the conjugal faith ; which, except a man believe faithfully, he cannot be married. THE BACHELOR’S WILL. I Lounge.ibout Longdelay, being found both in body arid mind, but appr. ben ded ihat I shall Ihortly quit this vain and forlorn (fate of celibacy, which I hope to exchange for a more happy and comfortable-one, through the aid and indulgence of a kind and virtuous helpmate, do make and ordain this my last will and testament. Imprimis. I give and bequeath to my good friend mr. W. M. all my manor of Longd.lay, consisting of several farms and tncftuages, called and known by the names of doubts, fears, htjbful/tefs, irresolution, uncertainty, jicklenefs , ob- Jlinacy, ijc, being for the m®ft part wade and barren ground, and much overgrown with briars, thorns, and thirties; but capable by proper manage ment of great cultivation and improve ment. Item. I give and bequeath unto my good friend, mr. J. A. my dwelling house and cottage ; called bv the name of Vain Hopes ; fttuatc, lying, and be ing in Highjiree t, in the town of Ca/lle Building, in the county of Imagination ; fifing to the height of seven fteries. Having a fair garden and profpeft be fore it, and a large number of windows in the front; but without any outlet behind; nor having any conveniences of asocial nature i to have and to hold, the said dwelling house, until the day of his marriage. Item. I give and bequeath unto my good friend, mr. W. R. all my wood land called and known by the name ®f ambiguity ; which is well planted with puns, conundrums, quirks , and quibbles ; together with several impenetrable brakes and thickets of dull unintelligible mcomprehevjibitities. And laltly, I give and bequeath, all the rest of my bachelor goods and ef fc£ts, consisting of a la'ge treasure of whims, fancies, megrims, freaks, reveries, febernes, projects, and deftgns, to my aforefaid good friend mr. J. A. whom I constitute and appoint foie executor of this my lift will and testament. Only desiring that he would put a fancy or two, into the heads of all the old bachelors, that they may follow me in to the blefled land of matrimony. . g> LEGAL ADVICE. AN ENGLISH ANECDOTE. Some years since, one of the sons of mr. G-—, a well-known Jew, being on the point of marrying a fair Chris tian, the father, who had no objedtian to the religion, but to the smallness of the fortune, expoflulated with his son on the absurdity of his conduit; but the son, vindicating his choice, re plied, “ Whether you consent or not, i will marry the lady ; and if you re fufe to give me a proper share of for tune, I will turn Christian, claim the benefit of the law, and ab'ain hall your property !” At this menace, G— being greatly confounded, resolved to consult counsel on the legality of the dodlrine. He accordingly applied to a gentleman learned in the law, {fated his case, and put the necelfary interro gatories, —The counfellor replied 1 , that his son, by turning Christian, would, indeed obtain half hiseftate. “ But, if you will make me a present of ten guineas, the graceless dog shall n<3t obtain a farthing.” At this O— ’s hope revived ; and instantly putting ten guineas into the lawyer’s hand, exprefted his anxiety to know in what manner he was to proceed. The counfellor replied, with a smile, ‘ You have nothing to do, fnr. G , but to turn Christian yourfelf!’ —O-S*o-SB>o>o4o LITERARY ANECDOTE. The whole library of one of the S:illy Ifies, confided, about fifty years past, of the Bible and the History o t Doctor Faustus. The illand was po ; pulous, and the western peasants being seldom deficient in literature, the con juror’s story had been handed from house to house, until, from perpetual thumbing, little of his enchantments, or catastrophe, was left legible. On this alarming conjundture, a meeting was called of the principal inhabitants, and a propofol was made and unani mously approved, that as soon as the season permitted any intercourse w-ith Cornwall, a supply of books should be sent for. A debate now began, in order to afeertain what these books lhould be, and the rcfult was, that an order should be transmitted to an emi nent bookseller at Penzance, for him to fend them another Dodtor Faustus. —o-o<^o-o VIRTUE AND VICE. Where shall we fix the exadl point of vice in the article of intemperance r Shall the puling finner, who grows confufed alter drinking three glades of Madeira, be liable to a more severe censure hereafter, than that jolly fel low, who swallows bottle after bottle, and bowl after bowl; who fees his convivial friends totter and fink from their chairs ; who, in fine, after drink ing a triumphant farewel buipper, over the fallen around him, can w'alk coolly home, and cart up the week’s account of his house-keeping without an error, before he goes to bed? Such variation may be found between one drinker and another. But who (hall fettle whether the fin be actually conrtituted by de privation of reason, or by indulgence of appetite ? . —o<o<se>o— KETTEL’s ODD WHIMS. Kettel was a Dutchman, who had acquired great celebrity by painting; < but not content with the glory ob- jj tained from studying the belt masters, | he took it into his head to make him* felf known by a method entirely new. To accomplilh this, he laid aside the pencil, and painted with his fingers. A portrait, designed tor himfelf, took; he repeated the practice, and his coun trymen said, that he executed these fantartic works with great purity, and beauty of colouring. In this manner he finifhed two heads for the fieur Va nos, of Amsterdam ; t’he one a De mocritus, the other mr. Morofini, in the charadter of Heraclitus : and the pi£fure of Vincent Jacoblon, a noted wine merchant, with a glass ol Rhenifti in his hand. As his success increased, so did his folly. His fingers appeared too easy tools ; he began, therefore, to paint with his feet, and the public . applauded this lart whim, more ex travagantly than they had done the former. — o-m-o^o^o —• FAREWEL LETTER, * FROM A CRIMINAL IN NEWGATE , TO HIS AFFLICTED WIFE. My dearejl w fe, As I am going to lanch into eter nity, I hopes you will forgive your unhappy, who has been a moft undu tiful husband to you and your pore children. —Pray God bless us all, and our children after us, as long as we live.—My dearest wife, dont be fa duced by bad women, .which fartinly brings a man to deftru&ion at last. The Lord have marcy upon my pore fowle—my fiends, l hope, will take my body.—.So no more at ptefent from Your loving husband tell death, Robert Booty. CondemdOle, Sept. i. A N E G DOTE. A clergyman being pofTefTed of a negro wench to whom a man of her own complexion paid his addrefles;- her master having feme objedtion to the poor suitor, the latter took the liberty to ask him a qneftion, viz. MaJJar no veal de e'.ebenth commandment be ? The parson could not tell. “ Well,*- fays the negroe, <• me tell uiat it be: De elebenth commandment is, Bes WAY EBERY ONE MINE HE OWN BUSI NESS.” ~-o4o<stc<m>o — > ODD INSTANCE of REVENGE. A few years since, an Inhabitant of Bicefter, in Oxfordfhire (England), named Carpenter, having been called cuckold, by a neighbour, took it in such dudgeon, that, to be revenged on him, he hanged himfelf, on purport; to de prive the other of an annuity of thirty pounds per annum, which he held on his life. eon mot. The late lord Mansfield being in- , formed, that miss Sharpe, of 25, ha 4 married a gentleman of 70, quaintly replied, that she had better have mar ried two thirty-jive's. f APOPHTHEGM. Nothing so powerfully calls home the mind as distress; the tense fibres then relax, the foul retires to itfelf, fits pen fiveand fufceptibleof right impreflions: If wc have a friend, ’tis then we think of him; if a benefadlor, at that moment all his kindnefles press upon our mind.