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8 Humor and Common Sense. The swell mob—the inflationists. A handsome youth, being questioned by a rather stylish lady as to his occu pation, replied "that he was “an adjuster of moveable alphabets.” He was sim ply a printer. A Yankee has invented a milking ma chine that can be carried in a pocket book. Now, if he were to invent a milch cow that could be carried in the coat-tail pocket, his machines would sell more rapidly. Because we happen to take our shot gun and start out for a Saturday after noon’s gunning, it is no reason why half a dozen impudent persons should in quire if we were on a tour for collecting subscription money. The times are hard, and ammunition costs too much money to be wasted on delinquent subscribers just now .—Marquette Mining Journal. Studying Latin. —The New Era relates a story of a farmer, whose son had for a long time been ostensibly studying Latin in a popular academy. The farmer, not being perfectly satisfied with the course and conduct of the young hopeful, re-called him from school, and placing him by the side of a cart, one day, thus addressed him: “Now, Joseph, here is a fork, and there is a heap of manure and cart; ithat do you call them in Latin ?” “Fork lbus, cartibus, et manuribus,” said Joseph. Well, now, said the old man, “if you don’t take that forkibus pretty quickibus and pitch that manuribus into that, cartibus, I’ll break your lazy back ibus.” Joseph went to workibus forth withibus. THE REASON WHY. Parson —I say, Pat, why do your priests make you abstain from meat of a Friday? Patrick —Please your honor, it’s not tho priests who do that, but the church. Parson —And why does the church, that is, the Homan Catholic Church, take the meat from you on Fridays ? Patrick —Why, it’s a wonder to me entirely, that being a Bible reader, you ask me the like of this question ! Didn’t you read: “Unless you do penance, you shall all likewise perish ?” Parson —That was said to the Jews. But you and I are Christians, and Christ atoned fully for all our failings. Partiok —That may be your opinion, but Saint Paul thought differently. “1 chastise my body,” says he, “and reduce it into servitude. I fulfill in my flesh those things that are wanting of the Bufferings of Christ.” Metliinks you and he somewhat disagree. He was Christ’s Apostle. Whose may you be ? Parson —As you are such a good theo logian, pray tell me why you do pen ance on Friday more than on Thursday ? Patrick —That I will, your honor. It was on Friday that our Saviour died on the cross, and we Catholics think it right to do something for Him on that day, in which He did so much for us. Parson —How about the beads, Pat, and the mass, and the indulgences, and confession t Patrick —Hold on, your honor, one thing at a time. Whien of these will ye hear of first? Parson —Let’s hear of the beads. Patrick —And what would your honor like to know about the beads? Parson —Do you really believe in them ? Patrick —Believe in beads; why, yes, Ido of course. Don’t beads exist ? Parson —l mean, Patrick, why do you say your prayers on your beads? Patrick —To count them. Which is the more enlightened, to count my pray ers on beads, or on my fingers? Parson —And why count your prayers at all ? Why say so many prayers, and always the same ? • Patrick —And sure, your honor, you must have heard that Christ said: “Pray always, and never cease.” And if a prayer is good once, why not a hundred times ? Parson —How about that “Hail Mary” you say on your beads? Do you not know that no creature is to be wor riiipped ? Patrick —l suppose your honor means adored, as I have read in the Bible (be cause we also read the Bible), that Abraham worshipped angels, and Abra ham’s nephew vx/rshipped his uncle! Parson —Well, yes, I mean adored. "Why do you adore Mary as God ? Patrick —Please, your honor, don’t be telling an untruth. We do not adore Mary, we merely venerate her. Parson —What right had your church to add the “Hail Mary” to the “Our Father?” Patrick —My church did not add the “Hail Mary” to the “Our Father,” Arch angel Saint Gabriel composed half of the “Hail Mary,” when he saluted God’s fu ture Mother, and the Catholic Church oomposed the other half. But I suppose you will allow the church the privilege of composing some prayers, as long as you don t refuse it to Crammer, James tbe Second, and some parsons of your acquaintance ? Parson— But why not go directly to God himself? Patrick —Why did not St. Paul go directly to God, but prayed his brethren > pray for him to God” ? THE “SOUTHERN GROSS” JOB OFFICE. No. 185 Bay Street, (Between Bull and Whitaker.) WE ARE NOW PREPARED TO DO ALL KINDS OF JOB WORK, SUCH AS Show Tickets, Deposit Slips, Business Cards, Dodgers, Visiting Cards, Gutter Snipes, Wedding Cards, Receipt Books, Wedding Invitations, Railroad Tickets, Dance Cards, Postal Cards, Party Invitations, Ball Tickets, Election Tickets, Notes, ppg Tags, Drafts. Note Circulars, Bank Checks, Envelopes, Bank Notices, Bill Heads, Society Summons, Society Certificates, Note Heads, Druggists Labels, Letter Heads, Prescription Blanks, Invoices, Account Sales, Schedules, Money Receipts, Time Tables, Slapping Receipts, Bills of Fare, Cotton Statements, Catalogues, Posters, Pamphlets, Hand Bills, Society By-Laws, Programmes, Badges, Lawyers Briefs, Date Lines. &c., &c., &c. At Prices to Suit the Times, and respectfully solicit the patronage of our friends and public. sepll SSpSKBESIgS HENRY SULTER, Wholesale and Retail Dealer in GROCERIES AND LIQUORS, Cor. Libert} and Montgomery Sts., Savannali, Geo. [sepll-3m.] McCarthy 6l O’Neill, HOUSE, SION AND FRESCO PAINTERS, No. Bull Street. Savannah, Ga. The following branches of the business executed in the most approved manner: FRESCOING, GILDING, LETTERING, GRAINING, MARBLING, KALSOMINING, PAPER HANGING GLAZ ING. &c., &c. Country orders for Painters’ Materials, such as OILS, PAINTS, VARNISHES, BRUSHES, GLASS, PUTTY, &C., shall receive prompt attention, and be filled with dis patch. Country work solicited. WM. A. MCCARTHY, sepll-ly TIMOTHY O'NEILL. NEWS DEPOT o JAS. A. BOYLE & BRO., Broughton Street, one floor East of Hull. ALL THE PAPERS, MAGAZINES, STATIONERY, AND everything else in our line. Civility and accommodation. Any Publication ordered. 43- POSTAGE STAMPS FOR SALE. Mail orders solicited, and promptly filled. sepll-ly LEFT OFF CLOTHING Bought and Sold. At Cornel Whitaker and York Streets. Best prices Siren. Ladies and gentlemen waited on at their ouses W. RYAN, PICTURE FRAMES, 12* Broughton, Corner Bull. [sepll AE. MAHON, BOOT AND SHOE MAKER, Bryan Street, one door east of Bull. T WILL MAKE CUSTOM WORK FOR TWENt4-FIIJI per cent, less than any other Shop in Town, an rtf an tee a good fit. Repairing promptly attende 40 , A w <1 KAfl THE SfIHPT HERN CROSS. israumvcoiTS tlheold reliable ' THE SrKTGtHR Sewing: Machine!! Over 1,900,000 Sold. TTE SINGER MANUFACTURING COMPANY, last year,ylß?4) brought their sales up to the astonish ing figure 01241,670; Healing: tlieir For mifl/tble Fomprtitar 148,£52; but sales of that competitor show a FALLING OFF in 1874, as com pared, with 1873, over 26,600 Machines; where the the snroj&x COMPANY show an INCREASE year by year, and the sales of the other Companies, for several years at least, show a DECREASE. The com parat ve sales of a Machine constitute a good criter ion ofits merits, and more especially so when the rule in question has been thoroughly tested through a se ries of years. If you want a good machine, buy the NINfwFK. It will do more work with less adjust ment than any other. It will sew lighter and heavier goods than any other; and 241,679 people, last year, pronounced it the beet Sewing Machine. The Singer Manuf’g Cos., 172 Broughton street, Savannah, Ca. Branches and Agencies in every Cityfand County in the United States. DR. ULMER’S Liver — trad Corrector OB roR VEGETABLE DISEASES ARISING APERIENT fkom a Mar* Disordered State of the Liver, SUCH AS DYSPEPSIA, OBSTRUCTIONS OF THE VIS CERA, STONE*IN THE GALL BLADDER, DROPSY, JAUNDICE, ACID STOMACH, CONSTIPATION OF THE BOWELS, SICK AND NERVOUS HEADACHE, DIARRHQ2A AND DYSENTERY. Enlarged Spleen, Fever and Ague, Eruptive ad Cutaneous Diseases, such as Saint Anthony's Fire, Erysipelas. Pimples, Pustules and Boils, Female Weak nesses, Affeetionaijf the Kikneys and Bladder, Piles, caused by Derangement of This Separation, composed, as it is, of some of the most valuable alteratives known, is invaluable for the restoration of tone and strength to the system de bilitated by disease. Some of our best physicians, who are familiar with the composition of this medicine, attest its virtues and prescribe it. It is a pleasant cordial. Prepared by B. F. ULMER, M. D., SAVANNAH, GA. Price,One Dollar. For sale by all the principal Drug i gists in the city. sepll JA S . M c CTN LE Y, Carpenter and Builder. JOBBING PROMPTLY ATTEND!®'TO. No. 6 Whitaker Street, sepll-tf SAVANNAH, GA. - -■ 1. J. Guilmartin. | John Flannery. L *l. <tiilniarlin & Cos. Ootton Factors —AND— COMMISSION MERCHANTS, Bay| Street, Savannah, Ga. | Agent* for Bradley’* Phosphate, Jewell’s Mills Yarns, &c., &c. Bagging and Ties for sale at lowest market rates. Ptpmpt and careful attention given to all busr nessi entrusted to us. Liberal Cash Advances made on consignments of Cotton, either for immediate sale or to be held 33H.EasiNr,Ai>ar ? gi EUROPEAN HOUSE, Savannah. Ga. (OPPOSITE THE NEW MARKET.) Rooms with Board $2 per Day. pay- Fine Large and Airy Rooms always in Readiness for Families and Commercial Travelers. One of the Finest Restaurants In the South attached to the House. ort9-ly JOHN BRGBNAN,' Proprietor. ”1 SAVANNAH Catholic Book Store. THE UNDERSIGNED WISHES TO INFORM HIS fkionds that he keeps constantly on hand the princi pal Catholic Publications, and all articles of devotion, such 88— PRAYER BOOKS, in any style of bindings, I.IBLES, IRISH NATIONAL WORKS, t CONTROVERSIAL WORKS, ANNUALS, ALBUMS, CATECHISMS, ! MEDALS, CRUCIFIXES, ROSARY BEADS, SCABPULARS, NEWSPAPERS, PERIODICALS, LACE PICTURES, SCHOOLBOOKS, &c„ Ac., Ac. Epeoial attention is called to my full supply of School Books, and School Requisites, as I make thie branch of my business a specialty. Subscriptions received for all the leading Catholic '-s* wepapers and Magazines, at home and abroad. r.ny hook not in stock, promptly procured and de- I'fcw.i at the purchaser’s house. BK.ks, sent by mail, free of postage, on receipt of tiers’ prices. E. M. CONNOR, si Corner of State and Jefferson streets. . Stand, in front of Post Office. ■k SAVANNAH, GA. C. Gray, New York. P. H. O'Bbie*, Savannah. B. F. MoKenna, Savannah. GRAY, O’BRIEN & GO., 147 Broughton street, Savannah, Ga. WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALERS IN Dry G-oods. WE ARE NOW RECEIVING OUR FALL STOCK, and will offer, during the season, an unusually large and attractive assortment of FOREIGN and DOMESTIC styles, such as colored Dress Goods, Mourning Goods, Black Silks, Colored Bilks, Black Alpacas, Merinoes, Cashmeres, Poplins, Hosiery, Gloves, Handkerchiefs, Embroideries, Lace, Trimmings, Notions, &c., &c. Cotton Sheetings, Shirtings, Prints, Jeans, and all the varieties of domestic goods. Blankets, Flannels, Linen Sheetings, Table Linens, Linen Towels, Napkins, Shirting Linens, and other housekeeping goods. Ladies under garments of every description. Gentlemen's Furnishing Goods, &c., Ac. Mr. Christopher Gray, of our firm—a buyer of thirty years experience—is located in New York, where his FAMILIARITY WITH THE MARKKT, and his KNOWL EDGE OF GOODS, enables him to obtain THE 3EBT at the LOWEST PRICES. His extensive purchases, (buy ing as he does for our house, and for his Augusta house), secures for us the heavy trade discounts, al lowed only to LARGE BUYERS. Besides, he buys for CASH, and consequently much cheaper than those who pay long time prices. Doing business on the principle of— Large Sales and Small Profits, and having all the advantages that long experience, mature judgment, and cash buying can give, we CON FIDENTLY ASSERT, that WE CAN, AND DO offer un surpassed inducements to purchasers. Having ONLY ONE PRICE, the most inexperienced can rely upon getting as good value, as the most expert, and persons living at a dis tance can order with confidence. m We will deliver at Railroad and Express stations, outside of Savannah, retail bills amounting to over $lO, “C. O. D.,” free of freight, and will send samples by mail whenever requested. sepll-2m D. J. RYAN, sepll SAVANNAH. GA. GROCERIES!! FINE GROCERIES, FRUITS, V FANCY MEATS, VEGETABLES, CANNED GOODS, JELLIES, CRACKERS, PRESERVES, TOBACCO, SEGAIiS. Ac. CABBAGES, POTATOES, ONIONS, APPLES, ORANGES, BANANAB, PEARS, GRAPES, LEMONB, RECEIVED FKKBH BY EVERY STEAMER. Orders from the Country promptly attended to. A. DOYLE, 73 St. Julian and 54 Congress Streets, : sepll-3m SAVANNAH, GEORGIA. McCONNELL’S ~ EUROPEAN HOUSE —AND— RESTAURANT, 116 ami 118 Bryan Street, opposite Screven House, SAVANNAH, GA. Board, with Room $2 per day. Rooms, without Board, from 75c. to sl. sepll A. FERNANDEZ, Manager. O. A. 3R ATT E NT ION! IF YOU WANT GOOD COFFEE, TEA, or SUGAR, SARDINES, OLIVES, CAPERS, SALAD OIL, BRANDY PEACHES, PEARS, or CHERRIES, PICKLES, CATSUPS, SAUCES, MINCE MEAT, EGG NOGG, PLUM PUDDING, CONDENSED MILK, FINE BUTTER, CHEESE, or LARD, BASKETS, BUCKETS, TUBS, BROOMS, BRUSHES, FINE LIQUORS, WINES, &c., &c. For Family or Medicinal Use, CaH on T. QUINAN, sepll 103 Broughton, cor. Drayton street. JAMES L. MURPHY. bake: r, 72 Bryan Street, 176 Broughton Street, and Stall 39 Market, sepll-tf SAVANNAH, GA. JOSEPH GOETTE, Undertakers’ Ware-Room, 1? Eronshtnn Street, Savannah, Ga. (Between Bull and Whitaker.) A FINE AND WELL SELECTED STOCK OF MELAT LIC, Mahogany. Walnut, Grained and Btained Coffins. Coffin Plates and Trimmings always on hand. Neatest Hearses and Carriages furnished for funerals. Ice Cases for preserving remains in the warmest weather. Remains disinterred, boxed and shipped. Orders from the Country promptly attended to. Personal attention given to all Orders, and can be found at any time at the Ware-Roome. sepll-ly J. FLEMING, Boot and Shoe Maker, 32 Bull Street. A full stock of Gentlemen’s Boots and Shoes always on hand and made to order. sepll FOR FLORIDA. INSIDE ROUTE. The Elegant anil Fast Nailing steamer LIZZIE bableh., Captain P. La Bose, - HAVING BEEN THOROUGHLY OVERHAULED AND refitted, wiU resume her regular trips, leaving Savan nah on WEDNESDAY, October 6th, at 9, a. m. touching at DOBOY, DARIEN, BRUNSWICK, and St. MARY’S, GA.; FERNANDINA, JACKSONVILLE, PALATKA, and- 1 aU intermediate landings on St. JOHN’S RIVER, FLA. Returning, arrive in Savannah Sunday morning. Freight received at aU times. Rates as low as by any other line. For freight or passage apply to A. L. RICIUItUSttX, Agent, oe* 2 ! Padelford’a Wharf. Allan lilne. Steam Between Baltimore, Liverpool Queenstown. THE SPLENDID BCREW STEAMERS OF THE I above Line will run as follow^. From Liverpool. \ £ From Baltimore. Hibernian Sep’ber 21. October 13, 8 a. m. Nova Scotian.. .October 5. October 27, Ba. m. “ “ .. .October 19. Nov’ber 10,8 a. m. * “ “ • .Nov’ber 2. Nov’ber 24,8 a. m. “ “ .. .Nov’ber 16. Dec’ber 8,8 a.m. " “ ■. .Nov’ber 30. Dec’ber 22,8 a. m. ' And henceforth every fortnight. Taking passengers and freight to and fidtt<[<iverpool.| PRICES OF PASSAGE : ' m,oo >4^ Baltimore to Liverpool or Queenstown— Cabin $75 Gold. Steerage *2B Currency. i Liverpool or Queenstown to Baltimore— Cabin $94 50 Gold. Intermediate 47 25 Gold. Steerage 28 Currency. At which prices parties desiring to send for their friends can obtain tickets. These Steamers have the very best accommodations for passengers. Through Bills Lading issued to Amsterdam, Roter-.-J* dam, Hamburg, London, Antwerp, and Havre. For ireight or passage appiy to the Agents. A. SCHUMACHER & CO., sep2s No. 9 South Charles street, Baltimore. Mallette’s Vocal Academy, Armory Hall, Savannah., Ga. CLASSES. FOR Ladies only, Mondays and Thursdays, at four o’clock, P. M. Advanced Class, Ladies and Gentlemen, Tuesday - Evenings, at eight o'clock. Rudimentary Class, Ladies and Gentlemen, Friday Evenings, at eight o’clock. Those desiring Private Lessons can obtain such hours as will suit their business and convenience. * The Professor can be found at his Rooms at any hour during the day, when arrangements for Class or Pri vate Lessons can be made. REFERS BY PERMISSION TO Milo Hatch, Esq. Thos. H. Harden, Esq., W. Grayson Mann, Esq., Capt. John McMahon, Geo. L. Cope, Esq., William P. Hunter, Esq., Samuel B. Palmer, Esq., S. P. Hamilton, W. 8. Bogart, Esq,, Major L. Mims, J. S. F. Lancaster, Esq., Dr. R. J. Nunn, Dr. R. Ar-> ACADEMY * st. mmi~m pattl, UNDER THE CHARGE OF THE Sisters ofMercy" Savamxali, G-a. 0 Si The Scholastic Year is divided into two sessions: th Fall Session commencing SEPTEMBER 12th, and end ing FEBRUARY 12th: the Spring Session commencing FEBRUARY 12th, and ending JULY 12th, with a distri bution of Premiums. Terms Per Session of Five Months—ln jariablj In Advance:? Board and English Tuition SIOO 00 Washing, if done at the Academy 10 00 Day Pupils who dine at the Academy, per mo.. 5 00 The Languages, each, per Session 20 00 Mußic on Piano, s2B—use of instrument, $4... 32 00 Music on Guitar, $28 —use of instrument, $4.. 32 00 Vocal Music, taught in class 12 00 Drawing in Crayon and Painting in Water Col’s 20 00 Painting in Pastel 20 00 Painting in Oils 30 00 r. Tapestry, Embroidery, Bullion, and Chinille, in every variety of Ornamental Needle Work 5 00 Plain Sewing and Marking Form, no extra charge to the pupils residing in the Academy. Summer Vacation, if spent in the Academy 41 00 DAY PI PILS DEPARTMENT, i , ( Terms Per Session invariably in advance. TSbjAS? Engligh Tuition, Senior Classes sl6 00 ? “ “ Junior “ 14 00 “ ** Primary ** 10 00 The extra charges will be the same for them as for boarders. ! For further information, application may be made ta| the Buperioress, to the Rt. Rev. Bishop, or to the Repjfl Clergy of the Diocese. sepllf icy PIO NONO COLLEGE! Macon, Georgia. FULL CLASSICAL AND COMME'B CIAL COURSE. J THIS COLLEGE, SITUATED ON A DELIGHT?!© EMINENCE, with splendid grounds and location, offers every advantage to the studen o ax ercise and health. The Domestic Department and Infirmary are under the care of the Sisters of Mercy. Studies will be resumed TUESDAY, September 28. Board, Tuition, Washing, Bedding, per year.... 5270 00 sepll C. P. GABOURY, President. EDWARD J. KENNEDY, Merchant Tailor, '*4 S. W. Corner Bull and York Sts. would respectfully call your attention to his FALL OPENING, which will comprise all the latest styles of French and English novelties. sepll RED STORE. 4 f keep constantly on hand a fine stock of all qualities of COFFEE, TEA, SPICES, which will be sold at low er prices than any establishment in the city . This li the “Original Red Store,” Rem em r £i r J?* BROUGHTON STREET. THOMAS SION*. Cofiee parched every day. seplO-iy ■ * •