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JAM ES A. C CKM. 12 XT,
Editor and Prt.s>ricior,
Sis j ircrvillc, Chattooga Cos., Georgia.
SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA, JUNE 11, 1877.
The Funniest of Marriages.
A good story is told of how Buffalo
Bill performed the ceremony of marriage
while he was Justice of the Peace. It
was his lir.-i attempt, and the applicants
were of the true western type. They
called upon Cody in the log cabin where
he held lus justice office. Rill had a book
of forms, which lie took down and studied
attentively to get some idea of how he
should tie the knot, There were forms
for nearly every transaction of life, but he
failed to find what he was looking for,
and finally slammed the book down and
observed to the parties:
“You two lbllers join bauds,” and the
“two tellers” did so.
Then he said to the groom:
“Are you willing to lake, this woman
to bo your lawful wedded wife, to love
her, honor her, and obey her?”
“You betyonr but ex," was the response
of the bashful hair-lifter.
“And you, Miss, are you willing to take
this here man to be your wedded bus
band, to love him, honor him, and sup
port him?”
She giggled and nodded in the affirm
ative; but this didn’t suit Rill, who said:
“See here, Miss, we’ve got to have this
tiling on a dead square, and we can’t
marry folks by halves in this country. We
are bound to go the whole hog. 11 you
want this here man for a husband you
must speak out and say so, as though you
meant it sure. I’ll ask you again. Will
you take this here man to be your lawful
wedded husband, to love him, honor him
and support him?”
This time the lady responded bravely,
“Yes, sir, I will.”
This satisfied his honor, and he re
marked:
“'1 hut settles it. Now look here you
two; you are man and wife, and whoever
Bill (Jody and God Almighty have joined
together, lot no man put. asunder.”
“And now,” added Bill, “let’s take
another sip of tarantula juice, and drink
to the happiness ol the happy couple,”
which everybody with true western una
nimity proceeded to do.
At a lccont meeting of the Scottish
Society of Art", Dr. Maeca lain read a
paper oft buttcrine from oxen, in which
lie claimed that it was quite as pure as
butler. He said the original or raw
material now used was the best ox suet,
which was taken in a thoroughly fresh
state, and the membranous parts being
cut away, was gently heated in a steam
pan until the liner and purer parts of the
fat was liquefied. This was thou run off,
and w hile still warm, was skimmed re
peatedly, and thereafter allowed to cook.
The semi-solid fat thus obtained was
pressed through bags for further purifica
tion, after which it was churned with
some milk, and kneaded and salted in the
usual way. In chemical properties, the
buttcrine which was tiius obtained, was
almost identical with ordinary butter, the
o!y difference being a few per cent of
volatile fatty acids forming buttcrine in
the true butter. Fully 90 per cent of both
butterand buttcrine consisted of the more
liquid fats, which were common to both;
in fact., the butter .was practically the
animal fat which the cow had passed
through the o lder in the milk, from
which it was manufactured, and the but
terine was the finer part of t he animal fat,
which the ox had stored up in the suet
from which it. was manufactured.
A physician says that the cry for rest
has always been louder than the cry for
food. Not that it is more important, but
it is often harder to obtaui. The bust rest
comes from sound sleep. Of two men or
women, otherwise equal, the one who
sleeps the better will be the more healthv
and efficient,. Sleep will do much to cure
irritability of temper, peevishness and
uneasiness. It will restore vigor to an
overworked brain. It will build up and
make strong a weak body. It will cure a
headache. It will cure a broken spirit. It
will euro sorrow. Indeed, we might’make
a long list of nervous and other maladies
that sleep will cure. The cure of sleep
lessness requires a clean, good bed, suffi
cient exercise to promote weariness,
pleasant occupation, good air, and not tuo
warm a room, a e’ean conscience and
avoidance ol stimulants and narcotics.
For those who are overworked, haggard,
nervous, who puss sleepless nights, wo
commend the adoption of such habits as
will secure sleep, otherwise life will be
short, aril what there is of it sadly im
perfect.
Sam Houston and the Ham.
The Galveston correspondent of the
New York Sun relates the following:
On a recent trip to Houston I bad for
traveling companion a well-known mer
clian- ol this city, wbo told story after
story of early days in Texas One struck
me tu worthy preserving.
“When my father first came boro,
said the merchant, “lie settled in Houston
—then the capital ofTexas. I was put in
a grocery ond provision store undora very
strict and parsimonious boss. One morn
ing just as I bad sw jpt out, Tom, Gen.
Houston's body servant, came into the
■store. Looking round be spied a fine ham
--a arm in those days. having
asked t.lie price, he said be would take it
end the President would call around an I
pay for it. f felt proud of my sale, and
called the attention of (die boss to it as
soon a.-, lie caiuo in. <
“Did you get the money, ’ lie asked
quickly.
“No; but Prendon Houston is coming
round to pay lor it.”
“President Houston--the devil. Did
Tom say lie would sue it paid?”
“Then you are a fool. Now, sir, you
uo straight to the* President's kitchen ami
bring me that, ham, unless Tom will say
it shall be paid for.”
I started off very much crestfallen, and
not liking the job before me. Ifut. I reso
lutely walked into the President’s kitchen.
Torn was there. 1 saw my barn lying
there, with a few slices cut off it, and
seizing it, told Torn, unless he would un
dertake to see that the money was paid, I
must take it back.
“Tom cogitated awhile, end then said:
‘Young man, take back your meet- The
Gineral is a mighty good master, but a
mighty poor paymaster, and L don t keel'
to involvilato myself with his debts?’”
“This was enough for mo. 1 left with
i the ham in my hand. Going around to
the gate l had to pass the front door.
There stood General Houston, the Presi
' dent ofTexas, with a pocket handkerchief
! in one hand and a toothpick in the other,
i‘My little man,’says ho. in his superb
manner, 'tell your master l am under great
obligations fora most delicious breakfast,
; and would pay him, but I really haven't
I got the money. The fact is, young man,
Texas is very poor, and, as her President,
i l must share her poverty.’ ”
Killed the Devil.
The town of Maple Grove, Wis., is ex
cited over a recent Sunday occurrence
there. The people were mostly at church,
j and in one house a 1” year old boy was
the only occupant. During the absence
I ofrbe family, a man came to the house
i completely enveloped in a beef hide, with
I horns, tail, and all complete, and so fitted
that nothing else could be seen. It was
j known in the neighborhood that the oc
cupants ol' this house had money, and
there was there at tho time about two
hundred dollars. Tho object disguised in
the hide told the boy that he was the
devil, and that he had come after his
money, un i lie must give it to hiuY Tho
boy answered that be could not have the
money. The devil then told the boy that
he would have him ana kill him if lie did
not bring out tho money. Tho boy then
stopped into the house as it howasabout
to comply, but instead of bringing the
money be brought a gun and shot tho man
dead in his tracks. The boy then ran to
the nearest neighbor, and finding only a
woman there, told her he had shot the
devil at his house. Tho woman went
with the boy, and found that the devil
whom the boy bad shot was her husband.
Siiakspeare.
Ilowover often wo read Sbukspearc,
one thought never fails to present itself;
and the more familiarly we study him, the
more this thought becomes conviction:
That Sbukspearc must endure as long as
man can read. So long as Falstaff shall
make men laugh; so long as Lear shall
make them weep; so long as Richard
shall make them throb; so long llamlet
shall make them think ; so long as the in
nocent beauty of Miranda can charm;
long as the impassioned loveliness of
Juliet can move; so long as the womanly
grief of Desdcniona can sadden; so long
as the murderous guilt of Macbeth’s lady
can appall—so long will the genius of
Khakspeure be a living power to the
world.
L< t Athens have Aristophanes; Greece
keep Horner; we give Calderan to Spain;
Dante belongs to Italy; Milton to Eng
land; but Sbukspearc belongs to man.
At a foetal party of old and young, tho
question was asked : “Which season of life
is the most happy?” After being freely
discussed by Ibe grn sis, it was referred
fur an answer to the host, upon whom was
the burden of fourscore years. He asked
if they bad noticed a grove of trees before
the dwelling, and said: ‘ \\ h u the spring
comes, and in the soft air the buds are
breaking on the trees, and they are cover
ed with blossoms, I think bow beautiful
is spring! And when the summer comes,
and covers the trees with its foliage, and
singing birds are among the branches, I
think how beautiful is summer! When
the autumn loads them with golded fruit,
and their leaves bear the gorgeous tint of
frost, 1 think how beautiful is autumn!
Arid when it is near winter, and there is
neither foliage nor fruit, then I look up
through the leafless branches as I never
could tiil now, and see the stars shine.”
The extravagance of not taking a home
paper was illustrated last week, when a
man “100 poor to take a paper,” brought
a load of wheat to town and sold it for a
dollar a bushel, while the market price is
a dollar arid a half- lie lost five years
subscription on that load alone. Ol course
he will always be too poor to take a paper,
or to support bis family comfortably.
The advertisements alone in a local paper
arc worth the subscription price. Pro
posals for bridges and sell ml houses, auc
tions, farms for sale or to let. estray
notices, public meetings, supervisor pro
ceeding.--, -iieriff sales, road notices, etc.,
convey uri amount of useful information of
great practical value.. And as a rule the
merchant who advertises largely is the
best man to deal with.
A friend says that the first thing ibat
turned his attention to matrimony, was
1 the neat arid skillful manner in which a
pretty girl handled a broom, lie may
■ce the time when the manner in which
1 that broom is handled will not afford him
1 so much satisfaction.
Hard work ari l plenty of it is, in rhix
world, one of the greatest safeguards
i gainst evil. It requires either a very
great saint or a v. ry little one to. be able
' to endure the strain ofeontinued idleness.
Ordinary people are not equal to it.
Wit and Humor.
What is that which increases the more
you take from it? Why, a hole, of
course!
We are told of grass in Colorado that is
so short you must lather it before you
can mow.
We often hear of a man “being in ad
vance of his age,” but whoever heard of
a woman being in such a predicament?
Is it a sign of hard times in tho West?
An advertisement in a Western paper
wants “a boy to open oysters fifteen years
old.”
“The sacred heavens arounds him
shine,” wrote the poet. The compositor
put it: “The scared hyenas around him
j whine.”
“That portable stove saves half tho
fuel,” said an ironmonger. “Faix, thin,
I’ll take two of them, and save it all,”
replied the customer.
t “1 hale masquerades,” said a beautiful
young lady to a gallant officer. “No
wonder, madam,” lie replied, "since you
do so much cxcution unmasked,”
A woman at the Centennial, who had
only one eye, demanded admission at half
j price on the ground that she could see
I only half as much as other people.
A Minnesota editor says that, a man
! came into his office to advertise lor a lost
dog, and that such was the wonderful
power of advertising, the dug walked into
the office while he was writing out tilts
advertisement,
When a man grabs a lamp post and
yells fbr somebody to hold the pavement
! down til! ho gets home, ho is not to be
considered drunk any more. He lias only
been having a ploasant-’un with the blue
I glass t lieory.
| “Aunt Julia,” said a blooming girl of
. seventeen, “what is necessary in ord jr to
write a good love-letter?” “Well,” re
pli and tho aunt, “you must begin without
i know ing what you mean to say, and finish
; without knowing what you have written.”
Observe a young father trying to ap
pease a bawling baby,” and you’ll witness
ingenuity enough in ten minutes to make
I you think that man ought to be an in
ventor.
If you have a good sister, Eve and
cherish her with all your heart: if you
have none, why then love and cherish the
good sister of some other man with all
your heart.
Newspaper Atlv rtising.
Newspaper advertising is now recog
nized by business men, having faith in
their own wares, as the most effective
means of securing for their goods a wide
recognition of their merits.
Newspaper advertising impels inquiry,
and when the article offered is of good
quality and at a fair pries, the natural
result is increased sales,
j Newspaper advertising is the most
energetic and vigilant of salesmen; ad
dressing thousands each day, always in
the advertiser’s interest and ceaselessly at
work seeking customers from all classes.
Newspaper advertising is a permanent
addition to tho reputation of tho goods
advertised, because it is a permanent in
fluence always at work in their interest.
Newspaper advertising promotes I rade,
for even in the dullest times advertisers
secure 1 y far the largest share of what is
being done — John Manning.
There is a coal-black negro man in our
vicinity who will soon have a beautiful
white stomach —a stomach covered with
I as pure white Democratic skin as over
| grew in Edgefield. This no doubt sounds
both ridiculous and alarming, but wc will
! explain.
Some weeks back, Dr. Walter Hi 1 and
| Dr. Wallace Bland cut off from ihe
j stomach of this negro a huge turner
weighing many pounds, and upon the
; large bare spot left by the operation they
- have planted numberless little stars ol
1 skin nipped from their own arms. These
stars have taken root and are fast spread
ing out to meet each other, so that, as wo
have already said, the black man will soon
have a beautiful white Democratic
stomach —at all events on the outside.
Science is wonderful, and in this case
noble. Skin is about.all the Radicals and
negroes have left u , mid to be thus
generous with it is certainly very mag
nanimous. — Abbeville Medium.
Chief Justice .Marshall was in the
habit of going to market himself, and
carrying home his purchases. Frequently
ha would bo seen returning at sunrise,
vith poultry in one hand, vegetables in
: the other. On one of the occasions, a
fashionable young man who hail .removed
|to Richmond, was swearing violently
because lie could find no one to carry
: home Iris turkey. Marshall stepped up
and asking him where he lived, said:
“That is my way, and I will take it lor
you.” When they came to the house,
the young man inquired:
“What shall I pay you?”
“Dh, nothing,” said tho chief justice,
“you tire welcome; it was my way arid no
trouble.”
“Who’s that old man who brought
home my turkey for me?” inquired the
young man of"a bystander.
“That,” replied tho bystander, “is Mr.
Mar ball, duel’ justice of the United
.States, ”
“Why did he bring my turkey?”
‘.To give you a severe reprimand, and
teach you to at tend to your own business,”
was the reply.
NUMBER 24.
Gems of Thought.
Independence is the child which is
i born of a free spirit and a courageous
I will.
Intolerance is a foe to true thought; an
enemy to investigation; and a tyrant that
forbids development and progress.
Luck is that which happens to us with
out any premeditation on our pat t; suc
cess is the result of wise plans and well
directed energies.
Whenever you hear a man declare that
every man has his price, be sure he is for
sale. Find out what he wants, give him
his price, and he is your humble servant.
The egotist is 1 e who is never so happy
as when he is thrusting the private I in
the public eye. He is the Sir Oracle
upon any and all subjects.
Jealousy is born of love, for there can
be no deep and devoted love without
jealousy. The lover who is incapable of
jealousy is incapable of strong and deep
! feelings.
It is not what a man thinks (hat ini
pres. es the world, but what be does; and
when great thoughts are coupled with
great actions, the temple of fame is easily
reached.
Religion that is all faith, is but a re
ined sitjn r.-ititi..n, and and a religion rlmt
is all reason is a rational philosophy,
j True religion must rise on the wings of
! emotion and reason.
It is not what a man reads that makes
him learned, but what he remembers and
knows how to apply. It is not what one
makes but what ho saves, that builds up
wealth.
The miser is a slave of his money;
money is the slave of the spendthrift; but
. the prudent man is he, who uses his
money with judgment discretion, blessing
himself and society.
Misfortunes many times develop some
men, their latent, energies are brought
out while again with others, they fall like
millstones, crushing and grinding them to
earth.
To write without thought is like shoot
ing in the air to become a true marksman.
It is burning powder to no effect, and
wasting paper to no purpose.
Old age can only be made glorious by
giving to the world a good example, and
the proudest epitaph that can be written
upon our tombstones is that “the world
was better for our having lived in it,”
Many men become virtuous in their
old age, because they are no longer able
to sot a bad example, and make of their
forced purity a text to lecture the young.
If love was not a passion, and therefore
blind, the ill-mated matches that make
home unhappy would bo avoided. If
Cupid would shoot at the head as well as.
at the heart, love would be a child of
reason as well as of desire.
Mind.
Mind your tongue! Don’t let it speak
hasty, cruel, untruthful or wicked words.
Mind your eyes! Don’t permit them
to look on wicked books, pictures or ob
jects.
Mind your ears! Don’t suffer them to
listen to wicked speeches, songs or words-
Mind your lips! Don’t let strong drink
pa-- them. Don’t let tobacco pollute
them. Don’t let the food of a glutton
enter between them.
Mind your hands! Don’t let them steal
or fight, or write any wicked words.
Mind your feet! Don’t let them walk
in the steps of the wicked.
Mind your heart! Don’t let the love
of sin dwell in it. Don't give it to Katan,
but ask Jesus to make it His throne.
If hypocrites go to hell by the way of
heaven, wc may carry on the metaphor
and add that all t lie virtues demanded
their respective tolls, the hypocrite has a
byway to avoid them, to get into the main
road again, and till would be well if be
could escape the lust turning in the
journey of life, where all must pay, where
there is rto by-nath, and where the toll is
death. - Colton.
A commercial exchange says: “Hogs
are dull.” We never thought hogs were
very sharp. Wh it one freaks into a
cabbage patch you may chase it fourteen
bundled times around tho lot, and it will
try to crawl through every three inch
crack in the fence without once seeing
the hole it made to get in.
it is all very line to laugh at a woman’s
tantrums wlu n a mouse makes its ap
pi aranee in the vicinity of her skirts; but
a little merriment should be reserved for
the man who plays circus while a Junebug
is walking up the in-ido of his trouser's
leg with the slow and measured step of a
day laborer.
An Irishman, writing from California,
says: “It’s an iiligent county. Tho
bed-bugs arc as big as dinner puts, while
the fleas are used for crossing creeks with
—one hop an’ they are over with two cn
their backs.”
“ I see you are in black, ” said a man to
an acquaintance the other day. “Are
you in mourning for a friend, 1 houias?
"No, 1 a:ii in mourning for my sins.”
“I never heard that you bad lost any,”
was the instant and keen reply.
Why is a letter like a flock of slu-cp?
Bccau.-e it i- penned and folded.