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VOLUME IV.
TH E
“PHILHARMONIC” PIANO.
This entirely new instrument possessing all
the essertial qualities of more expensive ami
higher prtce<l Pianos is offered at a lower price
than any similar one now in the market. It is
durable, with a magnificent tone hardly surpass
ed and yet it can be purchased at prices and on
terms within the reach of all. This instrument
Inks all the modern improvements, including the
celebrated ’Agraffe’ treble, and is fully warranted
Catalogues mailed.
WATERS
yi-3 >7
art* the best made. The touch is elastic, and a
tine singing tone, powerful, pure and even.
W at r*' Concerto Organ*
eanuot be excelled lu tone or beauty; they defy
competition. The Concerto Stop is a flue imita
tion of the Human Voice.
PRICKS EXTRKMKLY LOW for cash during
this month. Monthly Installments received; On
Pianos, $lO to S2O; Organs, five to ten dollars;
Second hand Instruments, three to five dollars;
monthly after first Deposit. Agents Wanted.
A liberal discount to Teachers. Ministers, Lodges,
Churches, Schools, etc. Special inducements to
the trade. Illustrated Catalogues mailed.
HO RACK WATKKS A SON'S, 4HI Broadway,
New York. Box 3507.
Test inionials
OF—
Waters’ Pianos and Organs.
Waters’ New Scale pianos have peculiar merit.
—A ’etc York Tt'ihuue.
The tone of the Waters’ piano is rich mellow
and sonorous. They possess great volume of
Hound and the continuation of sound or singing
gtowwr is one of their most marked features.
A Vic York Time#.
Waters’ Conterto Organ is so voiced as to have
a tone like a full rich alto voice. It is especially
human is its tone, powerful yet sweet. Uural
A'tic Yorker. [jamiO-ly]
Ayer’s Ague Cure,
For Fever and Ague, Intermittent
Fever, Chill Fever, Remittent Fever,
Dumb Ague, Periodical or Bilious Fever,
Ac., and indeed all the affections which
arise from malarious, marsh, or mias
matic poisons.
This in a compound remedy, prepared with
scientific *kill from vegetable ingredients, which
rarely fails to cure the severest eases of ( bills
and Fever and the concomitant disorders. Such
a remedy the necessities of the people in maluri
ouß districts demand. Its great superiority over
any other medicine yet discovered for the cure
of Intermittent* is, that it contains no quinine or
mineral, and those who take it are free from
•danger of quinism or any injurious effects, and
sir-- an healthy after using it as before. It lias
been extensively employed during the last thirty
years in the treatment of these distressing dis
orders, and so unvarying has been its success
that it has trained the reputation of being infalli
ble. It can, be safely recommended ns a sure
remedy and specific !■>r the fever and Ague of
the West, and the < hills and Fever of the
flouth, which, once broken up by it, do not
return until the disease is again contracted.
The great variety of disorders which arise
front the irritation of this poison, such as Neu
ralgia, KlieiimatiHin, Gout, Headache,
Blindness, Toothache, I'.uraehe, Ca
tarrh. Asthma, Palpitation, Splenic
Affections, Hysterics, Pain in (he Bow
els, Colic, I’andysi*, and derangement of
the stomach, nil of which become intermittent
or periodical, have no speedier remedy ti.an
At :k’s Agi ( run, which cures them nil alike,
and pioieds the system from future attacks. As
h preventive, it is of immense service in those
• iiinumiiics whi r Fevr and Ague prevails,
ns it stays the dev* lopinent ef the * 1 1 .-■ :w if token
on the first approach of the* premonitory symp
toms. Traveller* and temporary residents arc
Urns cribied to defy these disorders, and few
will ever suffer if tin y avail themselves of the
protection this remedy affords.
For Liver Com plaints, arising from
torpidity, it is an excellent remedy; it stimulates
this organ into healthy activity, and produces
many remarkable cures where other medicines
fail.
Prepared by Dr. J. C. Ayer & Cos.,
Practical ami Analytical Chemists,
jo h i: r/, m ass.
BOLD BY ALL DUUOGIfITH EVERYWHERE.
/WiMmjfybWrinirg j
GET THE IIKST.
Webster's Unabridged Dictionary
10,000 Word* and Meaning* not In other I)io
tu/narie*.
3000 Engravings; 1 84 0 pages quarto. Price 912
We commend it as a splendid specimen of learn
ing. taste, and labor.- Montgomery Ledger.
Every scholar, and especially every minister
should have it.— Went /‘re*//.. Loni-iriUe.
Best book for evert body that the press has pro
duced in the preterit century. Hidden Era.
Superior, incomparably, to all others, in its defi
nitions />. H'. McDonald-, /‘re*. Cum//. UniCu
The reputation of this wirk is not confined to
America. —Richmond Whig.
Every family in the L'nited States should have
this work.— Gaf/atiu Republican.
Repository of useful information; as such it
stands without a rival.- Na*h '-'die Dispatch. ,
“ THF BEST PRACTICAL ENGLISH DICTIONARY
EXTANT.” —London (painterly Hr run, Oct. 187 U. f m
A NEW FEATURE.
To the 3(100 li.LrsTKATio.vB heretofore In Wefo
rter's Unabridged we have recently added four
pages of
COLORED ILLUSTRATIONS,
engraved expressly for the work at large expense.
ALSO
Webster's National Pictorial Dictionary
ldio /Vges Octavo. J 0 Kngravinft. /'rice $5.
fn~ The National Standard.
PROOF —20 to 1.
The sales of Webster's Dictionaries through™,
the country in 1873 were HO times as large as the
sales of any other Dictionaries. In proof, we will
send to any person, on application the statements
“f more “tfaS 100 booksellers, from every section
of the country. Published by
G. A MEKBIAM, Springfield, Mass
I Wud Not Die.
I wud knot dye in wintm-,
\\ lien whiskie punchtz How,
When pooty gals are skatin
Ore redds ov ice and miio;
When sas-idge meet is phryin,
.V liikeri nuts is thik—
Oh! Who food think uv dvin,
Or even geltin sic?
I wud knot dye in spring tj me,
An miss the turn up greens,
An the pooty song of the little frawgs,
An the skilarks early sereems;
Wlien birds begin their wooin,
Inters ’gin to sprout,
When the turkies go a gohblin—
I wud knot then peg out.
I wud knot dye in summer,
& leave the gardiu sass,
The roasted lamb and buttermilk,
The keel place iu the grass;
I wild knot dye in summer,
When everything's so hot,
An leeve the whiskiejoolips—
Owe kuow! I’d ruther knot.
] wud knot die in aurtum,
With peaches lit for eatin,
When wavy korn is gettin ripe,
A kundidates is tree tin.
Phor these an other reesons,
I’d not dye in the phall;
& sence I've thot it over,
I wud knot dye at all.
THE PICTURE.
It was ju t in tlie shadow of the ruined
wall which towered above the blue shin
ing waters of the river, and when the t ide
was high dropped down the long, trailing
ivy vine to kiss the laughing waves—they
sat, two women! One, with her arm
resting upon a broken column, her dark
eyes with the memory of the long ago
stirring their brilliancy into life, gazed
afar out at the floating clouds, her face
a sad reflection of the past; while the
other, many years younger, half knelt at
her feet, and with a smile upon her red
lips, and tho light of hope in her glorious
eyes, played with the light moss upon tho
batik beside her.
It was a perfect picture; for the twi
light crept in and fell across the fore
ground just enough to bring the woi.drous
beauty into relief.
To the artist eyes of Ralph Bertram,
who, wandering down ihe river bank,
came upon them it was a perfect harmony
of light and shade—an exact subject for
a masterpiece. Then and there lie sat
down and sketched until the darkness
shrouded the whole and shut it from his
view, lie took his sketch home, and
for hours sat and gazed upon it enrapt
ured with the glorious beauty of the faces.
Who were they, or rather who was she?
Who was the girl with her dreamy,
happy lace, and dark, melting eyes, with
their hopefulness and trust?
When morning dawned he went down
again to the river’s bank, and watched
and waited for hours; but they never
came, lie inquired of every passer; but
no one knew them. One would say: “Ah
yes, I have seem them —two women, one
old and sad, the other young and happy.
1 do not know their names. ”
Another would declare he was never
aware of their existence; and thus Ralph
found his search a vain one.
lie went on working day and night
upon his picture, and at last it was com
plete; ana when he went up to his studio
m the city, and placed it I here, his friends
held up their hands in admiration and
worshipped it; and before many days it
found a place in the most renowned art
gallery', and all the world went crazy
over :t.
Thus Ralph Bertram became celebra
ted; arid orders canies upon him faster
than lie could fill them, lie became the
lion of tho season; and far and near his
praises were sung. Rut to him it was as
nothing when thoughts ol his beloved
picture came, and hour ai er hour he sat
and gazed upon that beautiful face like
one entranced.
“1 believe, Mr. Bertram, that you are
positively in love with that young face! 1
said a belle, as she come upon him in the
gallery. “Was it from life or your own
imagination that you painted it?”
“f rom life!”
“Impossible! It must have been a
dream! No living woman was ever
blessed with such beauty.
“Yes, one!”
The lady went away and before night
one-half the world declared him crazy.
“It must be so, for no woman ever
possessed such rare beauty- It was a
dream, a mere hallucination!”
Bertram heard it, all and laughed.
Perchance the day might come when he
could bring this wondrous beauty before
them and convince them; and with this
hope he labored and sought he lar and
wide. . , , ,
It was a cold, bitter night, and round
the corners the wind swept, bringing
with it fitful gusts of hard, cutting sleet,
and penetrating to the bone every unfor
tunate being who chanced to be abroad.
Bertram came briskly down the street
from his studio, warmly wrapped in a
heavy coat, with a vision of his pleasant
rooms before him, and lightly humming
an opera. He had turned from the priri
cipal street, and was walking along where
all was quiet, when he came upon two
women, who stool near the iron railing in
front of the house. ... ~ ,
“Mother,” said one, “it is but a little
further. Do try to keep up ! ( Here, loan
upon me? Mother, mother!”
She was vainly trying to support the
sinking form, hut not all her strength
could prevent her four falling- And
Bertram sprang forward in time to re-
SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA, SEPTEMBER '2O. 1877.
ceive her in his strong arms ns she fell
back.
“Mother, oh, my mother!” was tho
despairing cry.
"Don’t be alarmed, miss! She has
orly tainted. My abode is here, close at
hand, anil if you will assist me, 1 will take
your mother there.”
The young woman obeyed him without
a word, and with her assistance Ralph
bore the senseless form to his elegant
apartments. There was no light within
the room, and alter placing the inanimate
form upon tho sofa, he lighted the gas.
As tho soft radiance shone through the
room, he sprang hack with an cxelium
tion of surprise and delight. 11 is pic
tures! The face of Ins idolized one ! At
the sound, the younger started up and
looked toward him. Mow beautiful she
was, with her hat falling hack, and the
damp waves of chestnut hair clinging to
her broad white forehead, and the great
lustrous eyes fixed upon him in wonder ?
Bertram could not speak!
“My mother!” she begun with quiver
ing lips.
“Pardon me! I forgot myself."
And he brought wine, cordials, and la
bored until the blood stole hack in little
flushes, and the dark eyes opened. For
several moments she did not seem to un
derstand the strange room and surround
ings; but when the younger spoke, she
said: “Agnes, darling! ”’
“Mother, are you better?"
“Yes, yes!”
Agnes! It was likt her. Pure good,
beautiful, saint-like!
Bertram sat iu the window until they
called him. The elder was standing in
the center of the room, her mantle thrown
around her, and one hand resting upon
the shoulder of her daughter.
“1 wish to hid you goodnight, and
thank you for your kindness. 11 it were
in my power, 1 would”—
“Madam, I beg you to sit. down. I
have spent months in searching lor you;
and 1 beg you. now that 1 have found
you, to remain here. If you are willing
to confer a lavor upon me. remain here
to-night, at least.”
“Searching for us! What Jo you
mean?’ ’
“You will learn one daj ! I owe you all
1 possess.
She set back, seemingly petrified with
astonishment.
“Who are you? I never met you! You
owe me nothing."
“Will you remain here?
“Yes, it you need me.”
After a time, tho noble-looking woman
sat in a comfortable chair near the grate,
her lovely daughter at her feet; and
Ralph Bertram brought forth the sketch
and told the story.
“And are you the great painter, Ralph
Bertram?” asked Agnes.
“1 am Ralph Bertram, ” he answered
smilingly.
“And the great picture of which we
have read, was only poor mamma and I,
sitting upon the bank of that bcautilul
river in the country where wo visited lust
summer, llow strange I’
Agnosia (Range was happy and con
tented in the splendid room; and with
her head resting in h, r mother s lap,
heard her tell theslo.y of her fathers
death, their flight from their boautulnl
home in Franco, oft. eir struggles and
hardsl.ips, and their utter loneliness, and
smiled when Ralph Beitram cave his
hand and begged them to accept his
friendship.
The art gallery was crowded and all tlie
fashion of London was out and prome
nading up and down the grand saloon,
and passing before ltulpc Brentram’s nic
tuie, to admire and comment. All at
once there was a buzz, and ihe crowd
parted oil either side. Down the opening
came Beitram, with a lauy leaning on
either arm, atid as he passed a murmur
went around:
“The faces in his picture I llow beauti
ful ! llow perfect!”
Ralph was never happier or prouder
than when he stood with his lair compan
ions and heard their words ol praise and
when Agues whispered:
■‘it is grand, Ralph, and I am proud
of you.”
“My darling, your praise is worth more
than all else to me,” he answered: and
lie pressed her hand tenderly, and looked
into the dark eyes, worshiping her glo
rious beauty with all his heart.
Once more the world gathered to envy
and admire; when the handsome artist
anil hts love stood before ihe altar in a
fashionable church, and were made one.
The great picture brought him a for
tune; and the orignals brought him com
fort and peace.
Years ago when Rock Island was a
small village, and its people had lots of
fun all to themselves, one of our verv so
ber arid dignified eiti, ens put his own
head under one end of u yoke and a little
bull s under the other, to teach the ani
mal how to be useful and work. When
he found the bull was running away with
him down a dirt road towards a ciowd
around the country stoie on Illinois street
he u easured sixteen feet at a jump, kept
up with the Bull and yelled at the top of
his voice: “Look out! Here we come,
darn our fool souls. Head us somebody,
and when halted and the yoke being lift
ed from nis neck, lie yelled; "Unyoke
the bull; never mind me. I. will stand.
—Ruck Island (JU) Argu*.
♦ *•-
“Ladies and gentlemen,” said an Irish
manager to his audience of three, “as
there is nobody here 1 dismiss you all.
The performance of this night will not be
performed, hut will he icpeated to-morrow
evening ”
Facts and Fancies.
Hot words often produce coolness.
A trance-action—Walking in sleep.
A useful thing in the long run —Breath.
A clean shirt is not a lad bosom friend.
Sick transit —Being carried to the hos
pital.
What keeps Lent the longest and best?
Money.
Where the gong sounds loudest the
supper is smallest.
Why is a peevish boy like the letter t?
lie’s a cross thing.
How to make a good thing last —Make
everything else first.
It is said that figures won’t lie; but the
figures of some women are very deceptive,
to say the least.
The reason there is so much assassina
tion in Spain is because the Spaniards are
such a sassy nation.
“John, you said Sally kissed you, did
you kiss her hack?” “No, 1 kissed her
face. ’
“So far, so good,” as the boy said when
he finished tho first pot of his mother’s
jam.
An English revivalist slid down the
banisters of his pulpii in order to show
how people went on backsliding.
“Do you know why that girl there is
called honey ?” “Because she’s so sweet
1 suppose.” “Yes, sweetand bee-loved.”
The revival feeling is spreading, .but it
hasn’t yer got down deep enough to affect
arrearages on country newspaper books.
They are shipping apples from Grand
Rapids to Rotterdam, Holland. They
pack them so that they won’t Rotterdam
hit on tho way.
A Mexican girl living at Tusccola has
three well developed arms. She can do
up her hair without cramming her mouth
full uiTiar-pins,
A Kentucky judge has decided that a
mar: has no light. to harness his wife to a
plow, nor even with a mule. And yet wo
men complain that they have no rights.
A certain landlady whose table is noted
for the uniformity of its dishes has a t. risk
daughter who electrifies her ma s hoarders
with the following parody, sung to an ac
companiment on new fifty dollar piano:
Alii: —“Home, sweet home.”
“While beefsteak and venison cost lots
ol cash,
Be it ever so gristly there’s nothing like
hash;
The scrapings and leavings of no use else
where,
When mixed all together make excellent
fare.
Hash, hash, good meat hash!
Be it never so gristly, there’s nothing
like hash!
“A stranger from homo, hotels dazzle in
vain,
Oh, give mo cheap boarding-house feed
that’s more plain;
Anil tho waiter who gayly ro echoes my
call,
For a nice plate of hash or a single fish
ball!”
A Curious Use of the Magnet.
A curious instance of the utility of the
magnet is mentioned in the Adelaide Reg
ister of June 14. A young lady sat down
on a settee on which a needle had been
carelessly left. It pierced her thigh and
totally disappeared in the flesh. Medical
men said it could only be reached by a
large incision, and concluded to leave it
to time in the hope that it might work
itself oat. The pairi, however, became
so sevi re that the young lady was confin
ed to her bed So a magnet was sug
gested, and a powerful one being procur
ed and applied, in four hours the needle
reached the surface, raised and protruded
itself through tho skin, and was instantly
extracted. It had been in the flesh for
three weeks.
God’s children are strengt! cried by
their falls. They learn to stand by their
falls. Juke tall cedars, the more they
are blown the deeper they arc rooted.
That which men think is the overthrow
of God’s children, doth but root them
deeper; so that, after all their outward
deeliriings, this is the issue,—“l liev take
root downward, arid bring forth fruit
upward.” Sibbcs.
0 Sabbath! needed for a world of in
nocence, we salute tlieo, as thou couiest.
in the name of tho Lord, radiant in
the sunshine at that dawn which broke
over creation's achieved work, marching
downward in the track of time, a pillar
of refreshing cloud and of guiding flame,
interweaving with thy li" lit imw beams
of discovery and promise!— l)r. Hamilton.
There are twenty-nine lawyers, twelve
doctor and twelve preachers in the city of
Cartersville, a.id the fact that they all
make a good living shows that the farmer
feeds them all. The lawyers catch ’em,
the doctors kill ’em, and the preachers
bury ’em, is the way some facetious fel
low has put it.
Placards on the Boston street ears de-
I clare that “this car can’t wait for ladies
I to kiss good-bye.”
She Got Mad.
A tall woman with a sharp nose was
raking up n yard on Masonic street one
day last wet k, Flic had her dress tucked
up, a ridiculous handkerchief tied over
her head, and looked like n fright gen
erally. V cross-eyed man, dressed in a
suit of light clothes, came up the street,
and, noticing the woman, leaned over the
fence and romnrki and:
“llow sweet is the rosy posy!”
“Eli! what's that?” exclaimed the tall
woman, looking up.
“How charming appears the lovely
popsy-wopsy with its dress turned up!"
replied the cross eyed man.
"Who’re you talking to, anyway?”
said the tall woman, in great surprise,
and turning red in the face.
“My own dicky lucky is exquisitely
transcendental with the handkerchief,”
observed the cross-eyed man winking
mysteriously with his straight eye.
“It’s my opinion you’re drunk,” ex
claimed tho tall woman in a rage; t'clear
out, or I’ll call the police.”
“And would my sweet cherry blossom
set the wicked police on her lovoy povoy?”
said the cross-eyed man.
“Clear out, you great overgrown wind
mill !” screamed the call woman, wrath
l’ully, “or I’ll claw you with this rake.”
“Would my pinkoy winkey daw her
darling tootsy-pootsy with a krewe! rake?’
eotitintieil tho cross-eyed man; “1 nev
er thought”—
Here the tall woman threw down her
rake in a great passion and rushed into
the house, slamming the door so hard
that it broke the knob. And the cross
eyed man moved off, softly muttering:
“What a dreadful temper some sweet
looking women have !” —Rockland ( Cal)
Courier.
Gems of Thought.
V irtue commands respect in a beggars
garb.
Men, like bullets, go farthest, when
they are smoothest.
An honest man is a child in worldly
wit.
Nothing stings more deeply than the
loss ol money.
Accursed is lie, who dallies with the
devil.
In time of peace the true patriot’s sole
duty is to mind his own business.
Behavior is a mirror in which everyone
shows his imago.
Fools judge only by events.
No wickedness proceeds on any ground
of reason.
What is most honorable is likewise
softest.
Ono always has time enough if ho will
apply it well.
’Tie better for one to know more than
he utters.
Etcrnify gives nothing back of the min
ute that has struck.
The smallest hair throws its shadow.
Misery travels free through the whole
earth.
The jest loses its point when the wit is
the first to laugh.
Rashness brings luck to few, misfortune
to many.
Thanks arc justly due for things that
are got without parcha.-o.
A happy genius is the gift of nature.
A good kick out ol doors, is better than
a rich uncle.
When men's intents are wicked, their
guilt haunts them.
Where joy most revels, grief does most
lament.
When our Intentions arc just, nothing
daunts us.
The law is designed to discover sin, not
to remove it.
He who owns much, lias much to care
for.
A man who is always in a stew, gener
ally goes to pot.
The Sprinafield, Republican says: The
return of the slipper to the teet ol the In
dio.-, supplanting the cosely-buttoncd
boot of the last lew years, is assurance
that the next generation will show an im
provement in manners ami morals 'I lie
degeneracy of the young men and women !
now coming on the -tege L attributable,J
more than to anything else, to the lack of
the handy slipper in the maternal outfit
during the youthful and impressible
years. As the regulator of the family
nothing ever equaled the slipper of the
grandmothers, and now tliat.it is being
restored, after long demoralizing absence
there is, m w hope for the race.
Borate of Soda: Borax.
This substance, which is of great use in
the arts and in the household, has until
recently been quite expensive, The sup
ply, in time past, has come from distant
countries, where it has been found in the
form of’a sa.ine encrustation of the shores
of lakes in Persia, Thibet, India, China
and in parts of Fouth America. When
collected iu this form it is impure, and is
known under the name of lineal. About
four years ago, a Mr. Smith, while pros
’ peeling lor gold and silver mines in Ne
vada, came upon a vast bed of white sand
1 or clay, or something like dry sea loam,
1 which proved to be orude hurax. An
NUMBER 38.
enormous lagoon, two miles and a half
wide nml five or six in length, was cover
ed with this substance, lie had it
lyzed, and it proved to be almost put, it
and is the largest deposit of the per° Uß
j known in tho world. Mr. Smith anit“'' K "'
J brother established a claim to the tri tho
and have established extensive works fOr s '
I the manufacture of the pure article. The’ 1
i supply is said to be inexaustihlc, the '
[crude borax reproducing itself ever.’ 1 *
three or four years. *
_ _ ill bo
m * " vory re-
A Hairy Child nee and
—— ■'tided
We must say that the child, Gracie’o
Gilbert, the little daughter of Mr. and
Mrs. Giles Gilbert, who resides sixteen
miles east of Angola, in Northwest town
ship, Williams eutinty, Ohio, is the great
est living curiosity we have ever seen.
The child is about eighteen months of
age, finely formed, bright sprightly and
healthy, and almost entirely covered with
hair. The hair on its head is some
twelve or fifteen inches in length, and is
very heavy, its whiskers arc three or
four inches in length. On its back, body,
arms and legs, is a thick, heavy, but fine
silky growth of hair, covering almost its
entire lody, and some two or three inches
in length. And, strange to say, there is
no repulsiveness iu the sight, no deform
ity, and moreover, no humbug. Barnutn
with all his grand splurges and big blow
ing as to die curiosities and humbugs ho
exibits, never lias had a real, genuine
actuality, a living curiosity, human or
otlicrw so, that surpasses this pretty little
child, Grade Gilbert. — Steuben Repub
lican,
Mr. Jesse Moore, a blind Methodist
minister, ho lives near the line of Har
ris and Merriwethcr counties, lias made
a violin which is complete in all its parts.
An experienced mechanic informs us that
it is as perfect as lie has ever seen—all
the swells and falls being just as they
should be. He states that he knows a
good job when lie sees it, and lie has nev
er seen u better piece of mechanism come
from New York. — Hamilton Journal.
*• ♦ •
Lightning struck in Mr. Tom Wallace’s
cotton field, not long since, ami killed
nearly all the cotton for a space of about
ISO feet, in circumference. A most re
markable fact is however, that a lew
stalks were left green iu the area tiius de
stoyed, and were left standing alongside
of other stalks which were killed. — Cov.
Star.
In Greece it is known by the way a wo
man wears her hair whether she is mar
ried or not. In America it is known that
a man is married if ho doesn’t wear any
hair at all.
Positive miss, comparative mister, su
perlative mistress. Isn’t it so?
“Mamma, what is the difference be
tween a little boy arid a girl ?” “My dear
little boys wear pantaloons, and little
girls wear dresses.” “And did I come
into the world all dressed ?” “No dar
ling.” “Then, ma, how did you know I
was a little girl ?’’
“If I am so unlucky as to have a stupid
son,” said a military officer, “I will cer
tainly make hitn a parson.” A clergy
man, who was in the company, calmly
repli ai: “You think differently, sir, from
your lather.”
The nickel five cent piece bears the
legend, “In God We Trust.” The silver
dimes, quarters and halves arc without
ii. Is this country afraid to trust the
Almighty with anything larger than a
nickel?
“Oh, Henri!” she gasped, “what
would ihi.s world with all its silk stockings
and strawberry short cake be without
you? Oh, my protector!—my—alii”
Then they clinchedand we lelt.
Saturday July 7th, was the seventh
day ol’ the week, the seventh day of the
seventh month of tlie seventh year, of
the seventh decade, and the decade ol the
seventh of tlie century.
A bright boy in a suburban school, be
ing asked the other day to give an exam
pi i of the comparative and mperlative
degrees, promptly answered: “Miss, mis
ter, mistress.”
♦ •-*-
“Patrick, that is the worst-looking
horse 1 ever saw; why don’t you fatten
him up?” “Faith! the poor haste can
hardly carry the little mate that's on him
now.”
——
The politest of ail darkies lives near
Newark. When ho meets a gentleman
of his own color by moonlight lie says:
“Mr Sum, do you know any place in
| de neighborhood whar a gemmen might
borrow a thicken?”
Ho held tho old shirt up by the neck
ere disourdining it forever; but he wasn’t
grieving for the garment, lie only said,
“1 wish 1 had all the drinks again that
have gone through that old neck-band.”
Tho length of a woman’s foot is ono
sixtli of her height, and the smaller tho
slioe she tries to wear, the easier she can
walk into closets with lew doors.
Dare to do right: dare to be true, kick
at your mother-in-law if she kic..siu you,
1 *. £