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SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA, NOVEMBER 29, 1877.
The Marvelous Doings
OF—
PRINCE ALCOHOL.
A DKHAM.
BY REV. JAMES A. CLEMENT.
CHAPTER IV.
Alcohol is now for lighting; so at, it he goes.
Dreadful work Reason, Experience, Public
Good and Conscience are sadly wounded. Many
good men are put dc.wu, and many worthless fel
lows put up. A peep at the Touch Not encamp
ment, and then at some other things not quite
so pleasant.
Ai.oohol, perceiving that things were
getting into a had train, soon found him
self in a better uiood for lighting than
for talking, though he thought it best to
say a few things preparatory to battle,
and thus he addressed his army:—
“Soldiers ! especially you of the Drink
Deep Battalion, and my brave Legion of
Honor: it seems that some people of the
baser sort have conspired against me, and
appear determined to oppose and win my
cause. I have not time to answer their
arguments by long speeches; 1 shall stop
their mouths in another way. Suffice it
to say, however, that they are scoundrels,
that they have misrepresented my char
acter, motives and designs; that every
thing they have said is a lie—all a lie—
nothing but a lie. Many of you, at first,
defended my cause nobly; 1 thank you
for it; but you finally appeared to be
much disaffected. This argues simplicity
and cowardice, n t to say treason, against
your Prince, who is ready to poor out his
heart’s blood iu your do fen :e. But my
words must he few Understand, then,
brave soldiers, that these fellows must he
put down fcaV-To your ranks! Prepare
for hat He 1 !”
So saying, he darted through his army
like a hizing comet; arranged his lines
in a trice, and soon infused his own fierce
spirit into his troops. The Drunken
Posse wore stationed iu front. They
were men of tried courage, and WeU
armed for the conflict. The Drink Deep
Battalion were drawn up in their rear;
and in the rear of all, and upon the
flanks, and upon the surrounding hills,
Alcohol station and his Sip (Eton and Tem
perate Battalions, and directed them to
do what little execution they could, with
their .‘-lings, cross-bows and other light
armor.
The vast army now occupied the fields
of Mischief, (they were verv spacious
too) though the Sip < )ften and Temperate
folks would have it that they occupied
the region of Do No Harm.
Son e thought this a strange blunder;
and so it was. Nevertheless, I could in
some measure account for it, tor A1 ohol
had raised a fog in those parts, nd they
could not see clearly.
The army being arranged to the Prince’s
mind, he immediately sent ofl' heralds to
the surrounding garrisoi s, directing them
to keep his army well supplied with am
munition, and to support the attack by
keeping up, from their battalions, a con
stant and tremendous fire.
“To the work, brave soldiers,’’ cried
Alcohol; “Charge! Charge!!” And so
they did, with a vengeance —as my dream
taught me. They rushed on with fury,
especially the brave, redoubtable Drunk
en Posse.
Reason, Experience and their frierds
soon found themselves in a hobble, before
they hail time to prepare for it. How
ever, they mustered their troops, after a
sort, and made as brave a defen e as pos
sible. They were conscious of i oirig en
gaged in a good cause, and this made
them truly valiant. But, ah! what could
they do against such a General as Alco
hol, and such veterans as composed hi
Legion of Honor? Reason received some
terrible blows on his head;’ was tumbled
into a deep ditch, and for some time could
neither hear, speak nor see.
‘How are the mighty fallen!” thought
[; yes. and poor Mr. Public Good fared
not a whit better, for he was sadly cut
and pierced in many places. He bled
profusely; at length fainted outright, and
in this miserable predicament he was
carried from the field.
“Experience, Experience, where art
thou?” cried I. He could not answer;
his gray head, it seems, had afforded him
no protection. The soldiers of Alcohol
threw him down, broke his spectacles,
cut off his venerable one, and filled hts
eyes and mouth with mud. And, as for
Conscience, that son of thunder, he
fared but little bettor- They gagged him,
run a bodkin through his tongue, broke
his sword, and inflicted upon his limbs so
much wanton injury that it was full as
much as he could accomplish to crawl off
and hide in the bushes. The command
ers being disabled, the rest of the army
was routed without much further diffi
culty. Alcohol pressed on, scoured the
surrounding country, and did more mis
chief than I could well give an account of.
Many good and true men felt the weight
of his sword, arid a large extent of ter
ritory came under his sway.
Industry was among the slain, and
several of his sons, such as Strong Limbs,
Heavy Purse, Full Cellar, Sweet Sleep,
and some others. Domestic Bliss was
routed- Good Order, Decency, Tender
Heart, Fine Feelings, Modesty, Good
Morals, and a host of others, equally
worthy, shared a mournful fate.
But it was not enough for the Prince
to put down good men, but he must needs
exalt the wicked, and in accomplishing
this he no time. “Time,” said Dr.
Franklin, “is money.” So said Alcohol;
(for the reader must know that ho had
picked up many such pithy sayings, which
lie turned to very good account ) He
had many children and grand children, as
well as a large gang of remote relatives
and other intimate friends. These he
to >k special care to promote, for he
would often sav, (blasphemous wretch)
“If any provide not for his own, and
especially those of his own house, he hath
denied the faith, and is worse than an
infidel.” Indolence was one, and his
sons, Neg ect Business, Care-for Nothing,
Light Pocket, with many others. Beast
Heart and Swinish were characters whom
Alcohol ever delighted to honor, and he
soon had it in his power to render them
eminently conspicuous. Hard Heart got
a commission, too; and Bruit-bliss, Pas
sion. Anger, Revenge, and Flame-lust,
with their wrotclie 1 progeny, were taken
under tke Princo's patronage. Silly Pate,
Bad Bargain, Gobble Tongue, B : g Brag.
Wriggle Shanks, Fiddle-Heels, Shuffle-
Cards, Pitch-in the-dito , with many
hundreds equally meritorious, had no
right to complain of neglect. Riot. Law-
Wrangler, Blasphemy, Curse-Christian,
Murder, Thirst for Blood, Fulso-Tongue,
Light-Fingers, and all their kindred—
even to fourth cousins—were honored
with marks of special favor. Most of
them, and many others, received com
missions in Alcohol's army —many of
them in the Drink Deep Battalion, hut a
majority of them in the Drunken Posse.
They were authorized—nay, specially
charged, to do all the mischief they pos
sibly could, and as the army was march
ing along towards the pit, to make fre
quent excursions into the surrounding
country, and scatter fire-brands, arrows,
and death. But, although these base
officers did much injury to others, and
rendered all the region through which
they passed unpleasant, and even dan
gerous—yet the greatest injury done was
to Alcohol’s own soldiers. They loaded
down the men under their command with
all kinds of abuse, stirred up a | erpctual
uproar, turned theirowu weapons against
their friends, and invent;,) a thousand
schemes to destroy their pi Ace. blast their
characters, and hurry th<Mi into perdi
tion. And yet the soldiers wote ver"
intimate with them; many of them they
carressed and dusted on with infer
nal affection and delight; and even those
whom they hated, and would have been
glad to desert, they were obliged to fol
low ami obey, for I!• s. K„ 1 Alcohol or
dained. Then I thought in uiy dream
that Alcohol was a hard master.
Alcohol gave Disease anew commis
sion, and his whole tribe, Consumption,
Fever, Dropsy, Ap.qdexy, &c-, and sent
them out with Hying, colors. Thus he
strengthened the UitiVMa and doubled the
territory of Death. One individual must
not be forgotten—he was a notable char
acterinthe Army of Alcohol. His name
was Jack Vomit; and a vile imp, too —
another name indeed lor Filthiness itself,
lie seemed to be the very quintessence
of all the Tartar and Ipecac in the world.
II is business was with the people’s s om
achs. Alter Alcohol had marched his
army violently over the Dizzy Mountain,
(of which we shall speak anon) this mis
creant was turned loose to cut his filthy
pranks, to the no small annoyance of
Alcohol's sol fiers, ami of all persons near,
who mi lit be so unfortunate as to havqi
keen noses.
[CONTINUED IN OUlt NEXT. 1 it
Gordon to the Front!
This cry was unnecessary a few years
since. W hen the enemy came down upon
our decimated army ana devastated coun
try, in countless numbers, there was nd
need to say "Gordon to the front!” Gor
don was there, lie fought as brave men
fight who know no fear and hear n* call’
hut duty’s. When hope had almost died,
when the remnant of Lee's gallant army
had been almost annihilated, the order
was issued, the bugle sounded forward,
and Gordon headed the iast charge that
broke the enemy’s lines.
The ware.,ded. The South was under
the iron heel of the oppressor. The
clouds of despotism hung with the black
ness of night over our unhappy land.
To whom should the people look in this,
their darkest hour, hut to him who led
them in their vain battle lor independ
ence? They called Gordon to the front;
he led them to victory, hut the fruits of
victory were stolen from us-, arid an enemy
placed at the helm of State.
But Georgia’s true sous again took com
trol of her, arid then they sent their gal
lant leader to the highest plitco .in the
national councils. Now the end of his
term approaches, and from hill and vale,
from convention of town, county and dis
trict comes the familiar cry, “Gordon to
the front!" If there are men in Georgia
who are plotting to defeat Gordon, they
are wasting their efforts. The people
want him again in the Senate. They
have recently said so with gratifying
unanimity, and they intend to send him
there. Those who conspire against him
will have their own mortification foV their
reward. — La Grange Reporter.
The Snow Prayer.—A little girl went
out to play one day in the fresh, new
snow, and, when she came in, she said:
“Mamina, I couldn’t help praying
when 1 was out at play."
“What did you pray for, my dear,”
asked her mother.
“I prayed the Snow Prayer, mamma,
that 1 heard in the Sunday School.”
“The Snow Prayerl whatdoyou mean,
little one?”
“I mean that beautiful Snow Prayer,
in the Bible, mamma; you know it:
“Wash me, and I shall he whiter than
snow.” ‘
Billings Brevities.
Thu dogs that will follow everybody
ain't wurth a kuss.
Maids marry to change their condition,
widows marry to improve it.
I hav never known a second wife but
what was boss of the situashun.
Whiskee iz a hard thing to convince,
therefore never argue with a drunken
man.
The sassyost man I ever n et was a
henpekt husband when ho iz away from
home.
One. of the best trades enny man kan
make iz to sell out his religious kreed
and invest the proceeds in charity.
There iz two things about tlnx dev®
which I admire, and which artyvurchv or
imitation, ho is alius ani*evor was
known to break an engagement.
Those people wlTti ijntrieing to git to
lieven on their kreed will find out at last
that they didn’t have a thru ticket.
Naturo seldom makes a phool, she
simply furnisnes the raw materials and
lets the fellow finish the job to sute him
self
Enny man who kan swop hosses, or
ketch fish and knot lie shout it, is just
about, us pius as men ever git in this
world.
Young man learn to wate, if you under
take ! u sett a hen before she iz reddy,
you will loze your time and confuze the
hen hosido.
1 luv a rooster fur two things. One iz
the crow iz in him, and the other iz the
spurs that iz on him tu back up the crow
with.
Good Words About Women.
"There are hut two fine things in the
world.” says Malherne:—“women and
roses. 1 ’
Lessing exclaims: —Woman is the mas
terpiece of the universe.
Bourbon says:—The pearl is tho image
of purity, but woman is purer than the
pea rl.
Thackery writes: A good woman is
the lovclii st flower that blooms under
heaven.
Balzac sa.v:—Even the errors ol wo
man spring from her faith in the good.
Voltaire declares: —All the reasoning
of men aro not worth one sentiment of
woman.
Lamartine asserts: —Women have more
heart and imagination than men.
Otway exclaims: —Oh! woman! lovely
woman! Nature made thee to temper
(Ben. We had been : rules without you.
All of them mijil add there is noth
ing so true as a good vOman’s love; noth
ing sq sublime or so constant as her un
dying affection for the man if her choice.
Without woman—without her love and
gentle influence—man would soon he
heathenized, and his life turned into a
hull. We care not how base a man may
be, not to what depths of sin and shame
he may have descended, he will never get
so low that a woman’s love will not cause
him to ponder and think, and in many
Instances her influence will lead him into
The patlm lhat arc right. Oh! woman! j
Him art a glorious gift to man, arid wiih- 1
09 thee life is a blank.
A Wab Story. Mon, left to them
selves are apt to lapse info imprudences,
to say least. In our late war, a sol
dier, passim.- (tv or a bridge, observed a
ypunh girl dipping water from (lie rivr.
spirit, of frolic and mischief, he
threw a large stone, intending if should
Startle her by making a sudden splash.
But it struck her on the head, anil made
a hideous wound. She fell mto the river.
The soldier, wit Kan instinctive care for
consequences its origin to the
masculine sex, on, feeling that
he had a wanton murder.
The unknowrmconsequences of his fo ly
preye<L*poqßf mind. Ilis conscience
was upbraiding him. Years after,
when discharged Irotn the army, he set
tled down in Derby. He tong a public
house in Bridge (rate, and after a short
acquaintance with a woman of suitable
age, got married. Very soon after their
wedding he saw his wife combing her
hair, and inquired how she got that great
soar which disfig ired ono side of her
head. Shcj. replied, “Some wretch of a
soldier had once nearly killed her with a
stone, and if ever she caught that man
she would pay him oft' for it." It is not
recorded how she punished her husband
when he confessed being her assailant, or
how great was his relief when the haunt- j
ing thought of a wanton murder wa- re
moved from his mind. Hero is a plot (or
novel writers. — Waved)/ Magazine.
How to be Handsome
Most people would like to he handsome.
Nobody denies the great power Jwliich any
person may have wjjo has a handsome
face and attracts you by good looks, even
before a word has been spoken. And we
see all sorts of devices in men and women
to improve their looks.
Now, all cannot have good features— |
they are as God made them—hut almost .
anyone can look well, especially with good
health. It is hard to give rules in a very
short space, but in brief these will do:
Keep clean—wash freely. All the skin
wants is leave to act freely, and it takes
care of itse f Its thousands of air-holes
must n it be closed.
Eat regularly, and sleep enough—not
too much, The stomach can no more
work all the time, night aud day, than a
NUMBER 48.
horse. It must have regu ar work and
rest.
Good teeth are a help to good looks.
Brush them with a soft brush, especially
at night. Go to bed with cleansed teeth.
Of course to have white teeth it is need
ful to let tobacco alone. All women know
that. Washes for the teeth should bu
very simple. Acid may whiten the teeth
but it takes ofi the enamel and injures
them.
Bleep in a cool room, in pure air. No
vne can have a cleanly skin who breathes
bad air. But more than all, in order to
look well, wake up mind and soul.
When the mind is awako, the dull,
sleepy look passes away from the eyes I
do not know that the brain expands, but
it seems so. Think, and read, not trashy
novels, but books and papers that have
something in them.
Men say they cannot afford books, and
sometimes do not even pay for a newspa
per. Li that case it dot® them little good,
they feel so mean while reading tnem.
But men can afford what they really
choose. If all the money spent iu self
indulgence, in hurtful indulgence, was
spent in books or papers for seit-improve
ment, we should see a chnnge. Men
would grow handsome, and women too.
The soul would shine out through the
eyes. We were not meant to bo mere
animals. Let us have hooks and read
them, and sermons and heed them.
• ♦
Under the head of “An Enterprising
Lady,” the Charlotte (N. C.) Observer
says: “It was thought of note, when,
about two years ago, the wile of Mr.
Thomas. J. Suggs, formerly of this city,
but now of Gaston county, gave birth to
three children atone time; hut last week
she “went liersrH’ one better,” giving
birth to four. Nuio got aw,y, and the
whole quartette are living and doing well.
Further than this, the triplets, Mis.
Suggs’ former achievement, are all liv
ing; and here we have the case of seven
children from one mother, and none more
than two years of age. It is the most
remarkable case of its kind we ever heard
of, and we doubt it it has ever had its
parallel in the United States.”
Another exchange on the same subject
says: “Miles Klynch, ot Chicago, is the
enthusiastic father of four sets of twins
and one of triplets. He wants to see tho
man who can KlynJi a stronger argument
than that in favor of matrimony.”
There were two of them hanging oves
the front gate the other night. She was
standing within the yaru and lie ou the
sidewalk outside, both leaning on th taopi
rail, anil apparently us happy as two. pigs,
in a cornfield- He was saying:
“Now, my own little darling,, sweet
idol of my soul, whose image is ever oi
my heart,” when he saw the old uiau
coming down the front walk, and con
tinued in a different strain: “The potato
bugs haven’t destroyed out crops so
much since we purchased Fur is green;
and you will find al io that cabbages can
he raised belter on a richer soil.”
The oid gentleman heard it, and
turned hack, saying, as he entered 111 a
house:
“These young people take more in
terest in agricultural a Hairs than people
generally suppose.”
A Pi.ay.UL A Wahl—At Auburn,
Indiana, the other day, a young man
named Squires picked up a loaded gun
and playfully saying, “your money or
your life.” The gun went off playfully,
of course, killed the lady and badly
wounded the husband. The jury acquit
ted Squires, as he dill the whole thing in
play. If such idiots were playfully sent
,o a SMte l’rison for life the world would
be better off. Until this can be done any
man who points a gun or revolver at
another should he immediately knocked
down with a chair, club, poker, or any
other weapon that may he handiest. It
is no excuse to say that the gun is not
loaded; that only aggravates the case,
’file more unloaded the pistol is, the
surer death follows the index finger.
That is light. When you have he.n
reading a newspaper two or three years
with mt having paid a cent on your sub
sc iption, always get your back up and
stop your paper wli ri the editor duns
you. it never fails to impress him with
a clear insight of your idea of justice and
huuor.
Tit e income of Baron Rothschild, who
is at the head of the Vienna banking
house is SBO,OOO per day. And yet he
wisely refrains from wearing a $.0,000
diamond ring on his left hand for fear
he will he mistaken for the enduian of a
minstrel show.
<.
Joncsville, N. Y., has a girl worth
courting. .She was sitting with her lover
when she heard a mysteri ms noise iu the
house, excused herself, found burglars
up stairs, got tile old gun and blazed
away—and not till ihen did the lover
suspect anything unusual was going on.
Rad luck is a man with his hands in
his pockets and a pipe in his mouth, look
ing to sec how it will come out. Go and
luck is a mail of pluck, with his sleeves
rolled up and working to make it cowo
out right.
A couple of young ladies living near
Jesup recently went coon hunting and
1 treed” five.
: —
Why are vour eyes like friends separ
ated by distant climes? They correspond
but never meet.