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SUMMERVfIBPiEORGIA, DECEMBER 13, 1877
The Marvelous Doings
—of
PRINCE ALCOHOL.
A I>RI.'AIM. w
BY REV. JAMES A. CI.EM ENT.
CHAPTER V.
Ami could l ba so nnn vil as not to dream mote
particularly aliout tho l.oliesl No! no! no! So
non' is a chapter for thedmiKhtara of Ev , which
1 t'.'jr thorn to road with spooial at tout in’. Aioo
hol assa is tile fair and many are ensnared, This
was intolerable, and 1 most ne 'da make a speech
in my sleep, which was somethin); odd.
Soon after the events ree rdod in tips
pree ding ehapter a thought popned intf
thead ol Alcohol (W that it
had ne’er penetrated his skull) which he
at onoe resolved to make the most of:
lie was still standing on tilt) little ele
vation in the | lams of Temptation, in
full view of the Touch not encampment.
“The ladies, the dear ladies, are wor
thy’ of more special nolire. ” ( Thus com
menced (he I’ri lire's soliloquy.) “True,
I addressed them ii* my proclamation to
the world, but they require and deserve
more narked civil ly. Oh, the precious,
sweet creatures! If I can win them over,
pretty generally, to u y cause, l can best
succeed with Adam’s sons, for more than
half of tho.Wvorhi are under the thu b
of the charming tai". 1 have been so
much assisted by then in ages past that
I .tin admonished ol how much greater
assistance they might he to nc, were I
to avail myself of their cooperation (o
the greatest possible extent. My lord
and master, Satan, beguil’d Eve. and
then Eve sedn ed her simple hu-band.
Ily this single fact I am reminded of,my
dn y, and of the g eat aid which I mignt
look for from en -uared women. luo not
rx eet to get manv of them into the
Drunken I’os-e, i m a greater nninltcr
than have yet b en operate t up n can he
e. sily induced to flock to the silken ban
ner. ami thus countenance and encourage
their husbands, brothers and sweethearts
iu my service, recommended me to their
visitors, and teach their dear lilt! 1 chit
dreu. while yet iu their erinil ’S, tv> turn
their faces towards the pit.”
This wicked thought was no sooner
conceived than it wis opened into a fixed
pu' pose, and do eel ipe t iu a course of
practical ope at ion. Alcohol was lor ac
tion; he went right ahead; so 1 said to
myself, ‘ let good men take a hint from a
demon
“Ladies, kind ladies,” cried the Prince,
“mv voice is weakened by long and load
speaking; will you he so obliging as to
step lot-ward a little from your ranks,
; lit,t y it raw hear with greater ease a
lew things which I have to say—things
which have lone been treasured up in my
loving heart for you- 1 have a great
secret to e miiuunicate, and, believe me,
it will he va-tly to yur benefit to come
into possession of it.
This reminded me of a soecch which
Alcohol’s master made nearly six thou
sand years ago. “Ye shall be tbs Gods.’
Hut not to and gross, Prudence advised the
ladies not to advance. True Wi don
also dissuaded them; hut, one, Idle-cuii
osity, a pry lie, squinting, impertinent
fellow, a special friend of the ladies, and
yet woman’s most dangerous adviser,
urged tli m by all means to step forwa and,
a little, and hear what the Prince hud to
f-ay. .Many uf them, genuine daughters
i I Kve/wislred prodigiously to get into
Alcohol’s great secret, and unconsciously
and vanned to listen. And then such a
bowing and scraping, aid palavering as
the Prince made; such smile , such lov
ing looks, such heart piercing glances of
the eye, such genteel ai-s, such a shcil
d rig forth of delectable perfumes—the
Lilies involuntarily eric 1 out, “dear,
sweet creature, he look j like . n augei;
(Jhi sterfield would appear a downright
clown by the side of hiui. Such an eye,
such a countenance, such u charurng
voicand O, what a sweet bre.th—
surely the dear angelic creature does not
intend any harm.”
“No, gentle ladies,” sail the Prince,
(for he overheard their exclamations,) “I
intend no harm. Many a lover is deceit
ful, but this was never said of me. M
heart is on my tongue; what lay, I feel.
You appear, sweet ladles, to be very
happy and cheerful; hut what a piiy that
you cannot be prevailed upon to hav i
your enjoyin' nts greatly augmented. Is
i here no empty desire in youi soul which
you wish gently extracted? Are your
hopes so high that they are incapable of
;l i y bight r elevati ,n? Your prospects
so bright, that no new brightness can he
imputed to them? Gail your kind, gen
tle hearts receive no improvement, your
sweet temper- uo more sweetness? U
how ardently l long for th : pr.vileg :of
do ng you good. I t is the height of my
ambition to files* tfie lair. You know
not a- yet, pie tons creature, wnat true
happiness is, nor will you know this, till
you make trial ol my ineiidship. Heboid
the siiketi banner! How delightfully it
waves, ami curls aud flutters to the breeze.
Behold the ranks which surround it; how
ch.-eriui and happy they appear. Do
you nut hear the rayidiing sounds of
music and dancing? With me you will
learn true gentility, vr ith me you will
find the means ol improving your kind
ness, ho.qmaiity and friendship. 1 can
help you to the wonderiul art ol talking
much without thinking any; and making
those who have no brains, appear as
agreeable, witty and wise, as tin se who
nave an aqundauCe. My service is favor
able to tho cultivation ot love, honor, j
I good feeling and good manners. Inno
cent Amusement scatters flowers in our
paths, and Civil Mirth crowns our heads
with garlands. Charming creatures,
come along.” As though drawn by re-
I si-tL ss magic they advanced. “Chartn
| ing creature, come along, how pleasant
vnur gait, how enchanting your looks;
hasten on and I will he to you a friend
and father.” True Wisdom cried “stop.”
I’mdencc cried “stop.” Experience,
the school-master, who had by this time
worked himself a li, tie out uf his recent
dilemma, cried “stop." In short, the
whole company that remaired by the
Touch not standard cried out with united
’ voice, “stop! stop! stop!” lint en tho
dear creatures went headlong and head
strong. Can you frighten ti e bird,
whieh, under the influence of the ser
pent's charm is just stepping into his
his mouth? They were soon under the
[■silken banner. Alcohol was delighted
Avith the core; and there tc<"> jo// in lull.
Oh woman, what hast thou done!
Many blooming maids were among the
new reenits; and many mothers too,
who carried along with them their cra
d'es and rocked their babes under the
silken ha nor. The poor little creatures
did not at first seem at all to relish the
plaoo. They spit, and made up wry
iaees, and kicked and squalled. The
mothers would sing lullaby, rock an 1 pat
them, and say, ‘ dear little things, lie
quiet; take it patiently, darlings, it will
dn you good to he here;” but nothing
would do until they had fleeted ail the
children together in the Toddy tji.gion,
an I haiLgotten Sergeant Sugar, the per
son wlm acted as Alcohol’s Aid, when
viewing this part ol the battalion, to sock
their cradles, and sing the little cre.i
tures to sleep. Thus, by degrees, their
ta-te was corrupted, and nature’s grain
sadly bent; and they grew up to love
Alcohol, as Itoiuuhi.s and Itemus loved
the wolf that suckled them, or as a lamb
would love the tiger that might, protect,
and fondle it, till it. bout Ibe uf sufficient
size to afford him a meal and glut h.s
savage maw. Soldiers thus trained up
from childhood Alcohol pief’urrcd teal
others, 'or ho considered them as the
fairest candidates lor a place in his Legion
of honor. Thousands ol them were pro
m<it„d l" this place of permanent degra
dation before they arrivedthe state of
manhood, and„ if *ll*of them did not
suave the same wretched (ate, no thanks
to mental kindness and examn e. Oye
mothers, will ye givei'our children Toddy?
And in how many other ways was ]>■
male influence exened (thus my dream
instructed me,) in supporting the tyrants
cause. The ladies would introduce the
I’rince to t heir friends, visitors and sweoi
heaits; and who could be so rude as to
turn one recommended to their
notice by the fair— especially bv those
who e hearts they wish 1 1 win? They
spoke pleasantly to many of Alcohol's
soldier i, even those of the Drunken I’osse
and would often profess to he wonderfully
amuse l by their silly pranks; and who
could he ashamed ol anything that does
not disgust the ladies, and especially ot
that whieh affords them delight? \\ ives
would say to their husbands, "Gome t.ike
a short march with Alcohol this morning,
it will do you mod; you don t seem well
to day.” And whooould refuse any little
prescription recommended by one's bet
ter half, and urged upon him by her al
fectionate persuasion ?
The parson calls.
“ileur Minister, you have been labor
ing hutd in the pulpit, and seem ex
hausted; do tase a walk with us under
the silken banner.”
And could a parson, with all his o.itun
tity, be hj rude as to deny the Lilies in
such a small matter? lie yields, and
what he does the people may do, the whole
world may do. Aud aouiel'uies the ladies
will say:
“What stiff, uncivil, precise, f'el
lows aro these of the Toueh-Not ranks;
ha—ha —ha—poor things, we are obi gei
to laugh at them.”
“And has woman kind woman, turned
monster? ’ exclaimed I, in my uieam.
My blond boiled smartly tor a moment;
but i soon ordered Reflection to Oast) on
a little cold water, for, thought I, no one
hus a right t > get angry with the ladies.
However, I was so much exercised on the
subject, that, asleep as I was, l sprang
from my couch, pui on au oratorical air,
and in my rimcy made tho lolloiviiig
speech:
[CONTINUED IN OITR NEXT. |
A Candida e I’ r the Oregon Legislature
was defeated at the list election, and a
! local paper dce'ares it. wa through mak
ing a rash promise to his wife. lleHind
I promised, in the event o! his election, to
buy her a sealskin cloak and a pair of
navy blue stockings, ttn-l she couldn't rest
till siie told thirteen lady friends about
it. The ladies expressed themselves as
“awlul glad” to h.'ar it, but threatened
their husbands with a suit of divorce il
they dared to vote lor this particular
candidate. “ That oh] eat would look
nice in a sealskin cloak and navy bine
stockings, wouldn’t she? ’ is tiie way
they expressed themselves. \V ho says
that woman has no political itifluut ce.
A Foretaste. —An extremely signifi
icant custom Is observed by a race of gi a
which we call burbar ans. Win u lowers
present themselves they put a five coal
rito the hand of each an 1 the one wh)
holds it longest wins a wife. 1 here is a
great deal of honesty in this practice
which is to be commended. They make
it hot lor a man before marriage instead
of after. Our customs are entirely diller
ent, lor the young girls nowadays put a
smila in your hand first and the live coal
afterward. This is called domestic bliss.
First Things.
First envelopes used in 18159.
'The first air pump was made in lf>. r ><).
The first steel pen was made in 1839.
The first lueifor match was made in
1829.
The first balloon ascent was made in
1783.
’I he first iron steamship was built in
1830
The first horse railroad was built in
1826-7.
Ships were first “copper-bottomed”
iu 1837.
Coaches were first used in England in
15C9.
The first steamboat plied the Hudson
river iu ISO..
Gold was first discovered in California
in 1848.
Omnibuses we rj^antreduced in New
York in 1830.
The first watches were made at Nurem
berg in 1477.
The first newspaper advertisement ap
peared in 1032.
Kerosene was first used for lighting
pm poses in IS’Jfi.
The first copper cent was coined in New
Ilaven iu Id 7.
The li st use of a locomotive in this
country, wo# in 18 -, 0.
Tim first almanac was printed by Geo.
VoiFl’nreli iu 1 460.
The first printing press iu the United
Slates was introduced in !(> ’9.
The first chimneys were introduced
into Home iroui Padua in U.OB.
Glass windows Were first introduced
into England in the eighth century.
4he first steam engine on this conti
nent was brought iroui England in 1743.
The first complete sewing machine was
patented by Eiias llowe, Jr., in Its 16.
Tile Family Journal.
In a certain farm house, twenty years
ago, a great clank book was kept, and
labeled 'Home Journal.” Every n'ght
someone male an entry in it. lather
set down in it the sale of calves, or mother
ilie cut ol the baby s evotooth; or per
haps Jennv wrote a full account of tl> s
iro ie last night; or Hob tile proececing’
ol tho Phi Beta Club; or Tom scrawled
"'Til dmy new gun. Bully. Shot into
the fence and hit Johnson’s old cat.’
On toward the middle of the book was
the uniry of Jenny s marriage, and one
ol the younger girls had aduod a descrip
tion of tho bridesmaids’dresses, and long
alter this there Was written, ' Ill's day
lather died." in Hob’s trembling band.
I here was a blank of many mouths altar
that
But nothing could have served holier
to bind that family cl headstrong hoys
together Hi.m the keeping of this hook.
They come hack to the old homestead
now, mini and women with grigdod hair,
to see their luethe, - , who is siill living,
and turn over the pages reverently, with
many a heari.v laugh or the tears coin
ing i to their eyes. Jt is their childhood
oomo baelt again in visible shape.
In July last an old man of sixty, named
\Volfe, who lived in the suburbs of New
Yliinny, Ind , was reading in his orchard,
as was his custom of u summer Sunday
a f.orrioon- H.S .son, Mat. Wollo, had
Ii en eo.ili led iu the house with fits
doliriinn tremens —but ho was gutting
over his s,tell and was not watched very
closely. He saw the white hairs of the
old man gleaming in thu shadows of the
orchard, stealthily left his mom. nicked
ii I > a heavv eluii, crept up behind his
lather and clubbed him to and ath. Mat.
\Vohe was uieii tiie other day for the
murder of his iulivor. Tho jury found s
verdict of “not guilty,” as charged in
the iudicltncnt, and Mat. Woi’e, the pari
eide, walked forth from the court room a
tree n an —lice to drink, froo to indulge
in jitnjams. and free to iniirder his mother
at lii.s earliest convenience. Delirium
tremens proved h's safe delenee *uce, and
-i,m. in a j>o i will do it next time. Thus
ihoy play murder and justice with vari
ations.
FKARLS Bbkork Swinb. —He dropped
in to look over a tew exchanges, and t
have a chat with thu editor. While he
was tracing with his linger, on our table,
a., outlbie ol tho m-vemonts of tho eon
lending armies in Bulgaria, the devil
cinto in munching an apple, and the cur
rent of conversation immediately changed
to tiie subject of fruit. After drawing a
comparison between the fruit grown |h
California and that produced “hack in
the .St ros,” as he remembered it, and
disean.ing on the superior 11 tvor and
plent'iulness of the latter, he said to the
devil: “Why, back yonder where L used
to live when I was a hoy, apples were no
plentiful they used to feed them to the
hogs.” “1 s’pose you got all the apples
you could eat, then,” returned the hoy.
He got up to go, and as he went, out lie
heaved a deep sigh, and .said, “Boysaoi t
what lliov was in my time.”
In Chicago lately a wedding party drew
up at the Church door. The groom
stepped up to the carriage to get out ol
the gorgeously eaprisoned bl’iilo of the
future, llur train was very long and he
was liouhl.less nervous For some reason
he stepped upon it, ami sadly marred it
of iis fair proportions, hweuat suoli an
exciting imuient. with the altar in view,
she could not forget her dress, and she
said: "11 iw awkward you aro” —said
that, and looked something far more
serious. He made no reply, reserving it
fur another occasion, the procession
moved on up the aisle, aud formed in
order due befure the minister. The eere-
NUMBER 50.
mony began, and moved on with great
smoo'hness until it renehed the point
where was asked it ho would take her to
to be his wedded wife, j linn, imeead of
making the stereotyped formal answer,
ho observed. “So, you arn too awkward
for me.” Under cover of the conster
nation caused by this remark, l.e fled
from the Ghurch, took n carriage, nd
departed for home, leaving tho young
lady to meditate on the tolly of train*
and quick temper.
a. a ■
An editor, going away, loft, his paper
in charge of a minister. During the
ministers stay in tho sanctum, the follow
ing letter came from a mountain sub
scriber:
"You know very well I paid my sub
scription to your paper the lant time I
was in Lexington, if I get any more
such letti rs from you as 1 received this
week, l will come down to Lexington and
maul hell out of you!"
The minister answered: “I have hoes
trying to maul that thing out of th*
editor for ten years post, and if you will
really come down and omul it out of him,
then, tuy doar sir, 1 have twenty mem
bers of my church 1 will also get you to
operate on."
“Y’oii appear to he very happy, my lit
tle man —what is the cause of it?” a-ked
u gentleman of a little urchin on the
s,reet. “Pop's drunk, mam’s in jail,
Bill’s got the measles, and there's i obuily
to git uie off to school. Hope this busi
ne-s will last all winter," said the young
ster, as he vaulted over a hydrant.
A Floyd county far uer’s son has fallen
so madly in love with one of the seminary
girls, tltat ho won’t work, and spends all
his time talking about his idol. The old
man is watchful, arid says the boy’s wits
have gone wool-gathering ever since he
devoted himself to she praising.
Never he above your business, no mat
ter what the calling may be, but strive to
do the best iu that line. He who turn*
up his nose at his work quarrels with his
broad and butter. He is a poor smith
who quarrels with his his own sparks;
there is no shame about aa honest calling.
Miss Helen Taylor complains men
make eating too much of a pleasure.
Would the t .hinted lady hate us sit down
iu sack-cloth 1 to our hashes, shed tears
over s.cuka aud onions and howl aloud,
"Brother, we must die," at the sight *f
a calf’s,head?
Let your sleep be necessary and health
ful. not idle and expensive of titue beyond
the needs airj conveniences of nature;
aud sometimes be curious to see tho prep
aration wir eli the sun makes when he is
coming forth from his chamber ot lb*
K; st.
Turkey is indebted to Great Britain to
the amount of $1,942,1469,199, aud is
considerably in default of f'm interest on
the sum*. Hut as the debt is, however,
it would be a woreo one iu cjoc of Tur
key's downfall.
Washington, Dee. 4.—ln the Hous*
hills were reported aud passed repealing
th* law disqualifying jurors en account
of participation in the rebellion, and
eliminating Iroui the statutes all pruvL*
ions requiring test oaths.
N.,tuie has given women two painful
but heavenly gifts, whieh distinguish
them and often raise th*ui above human
nature—compassion feud enthusiasm. By
compassion they devote themselves; by
euthusiasin they exalt themselves.
“Vi'l you (lake said a
German teetotaler to a IrioiiJ, whilestand
ing near a tavern.
“1 don’t care if I do,” was the reply.
“Veil, den, lot'* dake a valk.” '• 1
as ■ . ■ ■ ,
When you see a man wearing a gfjvisy
new hat and at the same time .having on
a ragged coat and broken nhoes, pants
with too much spring ut the bottom and
too little thickness at the knees, yea may
know he hus been betting on the election.
1 {
The chief ot the curses of this cm-'
happy age is the universal gabble of its
fools and of the flocks that follow them,
rendering the quiet voices of the wiso
men of ail past time inaudible.
Did you ever uotiee how sensitive ar*
the ears of a woman id church to tho
cr.ing of some other woman’s baby; aud
how deafer than a post she ic when her
own offspring sets up its piercing squalls.
Why do the newsutpers speak of
"bouncing babies?” We’ve seen a good
many babies tall and'not one of them
bounced much k o speak cl—they’re too
soft.
He gave Imr a hearty smack. “Don’d
kiss like that,” she said. “I want a
sweet tender pressure w!hb I’m kissed; I
don’t want any fire works.” He left out
the explosion in the next act.
■
The prospect seems good for a winter
campaign in tho black hills country.
Some eighteen hundred or two thousand
bloody-minded Sioux havo separated from
their companions and taken the war path.
“I love them that love me: and those
that suck me early shall find mo,”