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VOLUME V.
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SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA, JUNE (i, 1878.
TUG I’OOK FARMER.
Too poor to take a paper.
Too poor t.<> join the Grange!
So when the price was rising,
He did not know’ the chaugo.
And sold his wheat for a dollar
’Twas worth a quarter more,
And now the man is poorer
Than ho had been before.
His neighbor Lookout told him,
This side the market town.
He should have come in sooner, ’
While Groceries were down.
“But then perhaps ’tie even.
Since corn is on the rise,
And what you gain by waiting,
Will pay for your supplies.”
“Corn rising? why 1 sold it!
The chap who bought my wheat,
Said this year corn was plenty,
But mine was hard to beat;
And so he paid three shillings—
What! everywhere’tie four?
The difference would have made me
A hundred dollars more.”
He drew the reins and started,
With spirits sadly down,
And did a heap of th ukitig
Before he reached the town.
The upshot of the matter
Ton easily might guess.
This year ho takes two papers.
And couldn't do With less.
A MOI)KL BISIIMON.
“And there was Ham, and there was Shorn and
there wa Japlieth, all gwiae into th * Ark all.”
In the autumn of 18,10 I attended a
earn 11 meeting in the interior of Georgia,
and hoard a sermon which 1 havo never
been able to forget or describe. I have
attempted several tinios to write it. But
it cannot be put on paper. The main
force of it was in the snuffing and spitting,
and groaning, and hound-after-a-fox sort
of yelp or whine, to which no pen can do
justice. It must ho intoned to he appre
ciated. I havo preached it. a thousand
times for the amusement of my friends,
and have been satisfied with my efforts.
I have used it as a remedial agent in ex
orcising the demons of hypochondria, ami
have never failed “to send them down a
steep place into the sea,’’ or somewhere
else to the great relief of the sufferer.
The speaker had just been licensed, and
it was !ii first sermon. In person he
was small; bull-headed, cf a fair, sandy
complexion, and his countenance was in
dicative of’ sincerity and honesty. His
remark.-evinced great reverence fertile
works of God, as manifested in zoology
and natural history, and lie “was taking
up the Bible in regular order for the first
time in his life.” lie had goiten as far as
the history, the ark, the flood, eto. Be
sides, just before his conversion he “had
been reading Goldsmith’s ‘Animated
Nature,’ and the two together, by the aid
and assistance of’ tie spirit, had led him
into a powerful train of th.liking, just as
lie stood at his work bench day in and
day out.” Bu; whatever his sermon may
have been, it was his own. The text was,
“As it was in the days of Noah, so shall
the coming of the Son of man be.” After
commenting on that portion of Genesis
descriptive of the flood, he “warmed up”
suddenly, and broke out in tho following
strains:
“Yes, my brethren, the heavens of tho
windows was oponed-ah, and the floods of’
the g-r-e-a-t deep kivered the waters-ah,
and there was Sliem, and there was Ja
pbeth-ah, a-1 1-a-gwiuo into the Ark ah.
“And there was the elephant-ali, that
g-r-e-:,-t unimal-ah, of which Goldsmith
describes in his ‘Animated Natur’-ah,’
wliatis as bigas a horse-ah, arid his bones
as big as a tree-ah, depending somewhat
on the size of tho troe-ali, a-l-i n-gwino
into the Ark-ah. A.d the heavens of the
windows was opened-ah, and the fioodH
of the g-r e-a-t deep kivered the waters
ah, and there was Ilem, and there was
Sham, and there was Japheth-ah, a-l-l
a-gwino into the Ark-ah.
“And there was the hippotamus-ah,
that g-r-e-a-t animal ah, of which Gold
smith describes in his ‘Animated Natur’-
ah,’ what has a g-r e-a-t horn-ah, a-stiek
in right straight up out. of his foreward
ali, C feet long-ah, more or less, depend
ing somewhat on the length of it ah, a 1-1
a-gwine into the Ark-ah.
“And there was the giraffee-ah, my
brethciiri, that ill cent rived reptile, of
which Goldsmith describes in his ‘Ani
mated Natur’-ah,’ whose forelegs is 25
feet long-ah, more or less-ah, depending
on the length of ’em-ah, and a neck so
long as he can eat hay off the top of a
barn-ali. depending somewhat on the
beigth of the barn-ah, ad I a-gwine into I
the Ark-ah. And the heavens of tho
windows was opened ah, and the floods
of the great, deep kivered the waters-ah; j
aoe there was llem, and there was Sham,
and there tvas Japheth-ah, a-1-1 a-gwine
into the Ark-ah.
“And there was the zebra, my breth
ren-ah; that b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-1 animal of
whioli Goldsmith describes in his 'Ani
mated Natur-ah,’ which has three hun
dred stripes a runniu’ right round his
body ah, more or less, depending some
what on the number of stripes-ah, and
nary two stripes alike-all, and a-1-1 a-gwine
into the Ark-ah.
“And there was the anacondor ah, that
g-r-o-a-t sarpint of which Goldsmith de
scribes in his ‘Animated Natur’-ah', wliat
can swallow six oxen at a meal-all, a 1-1-
a-gwinc into the Ark-ah. And the
heavens of the windows was opened ah,
and the floods of the great deep delivered
the waters ah, and there was Shorn, and
there was Ham, and (hero was Japheth
ah, a-1 1 a-gwino into the Ark-ah.
“And thero was the antelopc-ah, uiy
brethren, that frisky little critter all, of
which Goldsmith describes in his ‘Ani
mated Natur,-all,’ what jumped seventy
five fbot right straight up-ah, and twice
that distance down-all, provided his logs
will carry him that l'ur-ah, a 1-1-a-gwinc
into the Ark-ah. And the heavens of the
windows was oponed-ah, and the floods of
the great deep kiverod the waters-ah,
and there was Shorn, and there was 11 am,
and there was Japhoth, a 1-1-a-gwinc into
the Ark-ah-”
Just at this point ho stopped speaking
a few moments, wiped cis forehead,
turned back his wristbands, ran his fingers
i through his hair, spit and rubbed bis
{ boot in it, drank a little water, commenced
on a lower key, and proceeded as follows:
“But time would fail nn , tuy bretherin,
to describe all the animals that went into
I the Ark-ah. Your patience and my
j strength would give out beforo I got half
! through-all. We talk, my bretherin, of
] the faith of Abraham and the patience of
j Joh-ah ; but it strikes me they didn’t go
! much ahead of old Noer-ah. It tuck a
I right smart chance o both to gether up
! all the gopher wood and pitch and other
truck for to build that craft ah- I am a
sort of carpenter myself, and havo some
idea of the joh-ah. But to hammer, nod
saw, and maul, and split away on this one
thing a hundred and twenty yenrs-ah, an’
lookin’ for pay in another worl(4-ah— T
toll ye, my bretherin, if the Lord had a
sot Job at that, it’s my opinion he would
a-luck bis wife’s advice inside of fifty
years ah. Besides, no doubt, bis righteous
soul was vexed with the filthy cointnuni
cations of the blasphemous set that was
always a loaferin' and saunterin’ aroitnd
ah, a pickin' up his tools and misplacin’
’em, and a-callin’ him an old fool or
something worse-ah; and to clap the
climax, ho was a preacher, and had that
ungodly generation on his hands every
Sunday ah. But the Lord stood by him
and seed him through the job ah; and
when everything was ready ho didn’t send
Nner cut to scrimmage and scout and
hunt all over the wild world for to get up
the critters and varmints that ho wanted
saved ah. They all come to his hand of
their own accord, and Nocr only had to
head ’em in and fix ’em around in their
placcs-ah. Then he gathcre lup his own
family, and the Lori shut him in,
and the heavens of the windows was
opened-ah.
“But, my bretherin, Noer-ah had use
for patience after thir-uh. Think what a
time lie uiustn-iiad a-feodin’ ami a-water
in’ and a-eleanin’ out after sicli a croivd
ah - Some of’em, a-'.cordin’ to Goldsmith’s
‘Animated Natur-ah, was carnivorous,
and wanted fresh meaL-ah; and some was
herbivorous, and wanted vegetable f'ood
ah; and some was worinivoious, and swal
lowed five tilings whole ah; and lie had
to feed everything accordin’ to its natcr.
Hence, wo view, my bretlieren ah, as the
nater of’ the auiimals wan’t altered by go
ing into the ark-ah, some of ’em would
roar, and howl, and bark, and bray, and
squeul, and bleat, the whole injurin' night
ali, a drivin’ sleep from his eyes and slum
ber from its eyelets ah, and at the first,
streak o’ day the last hoof of 'em would
set up a noise accordin' to its eater ah.
I’ve often wondered bow their women
stood it. Scripture is silent on this point
ah; but I think I know of some that
would a been vaporing and nervous under
sicli circutustances-ah, and in au un
guarded moment might a-said somethin’
besides their prayers-ah."
Hero the speaker atopped again, spit,
took water, etc., aud hastened to a con
clusion:
“My brethcren,” said he, “one trore
word for Noer ah, and 1 will draw to a
close-all. After the oulbcat.iri' time he
had, first and last, for so many hundred
year-all, if he did, by uceident or other
wise, take a lectio too much wine on one
occasion-ab, 1 think less ort to a-been said
about it-ali. Besides. J think lie. was enti
tled to one spree-ah, aB he made the wine
himself, and accordin’ to Scripter it makes
glad the heart o’ man-all. My breth-
ren, as it was iti tho days of Noor-ah, bo
shall the coming of the Son of Mail be-all.
The world will noverbe drowned again ah.
It will be sol afire, and burnt up, root
and branch, with aterviontheat-ah. Oh!
what will wretched, undone sinners do on
that day-ali? They wont feel (it for to
live, nor for to dio-ah. They will he put
to their wit's end, and knock and straddle
around in every dirootion-ah. For all at
once, my bretherin, they will behold the
heavens a darkonin-ah, the seas a roarin
ah, tho tombs a bustin-ah the mountains
a uieltin-ah; and everything, I think, will
be in a confused and onsettlod state
all. May the Lord add his blessing.
Anion!”
-• ♦
MUFFIN JSHT GROANS.
It being generally known that no col
lection would bo taken up, thero was an
unusually large attendance of Lime
Kiln rs, and when tho hell rang the
audience to order, every bench seemed
taken. Brother Gardner looked tho very
picture of rosy health as ho shook the
kinks out of his spine, and said:
“Gem’lcn, wliat am dat object on dat
sky-blue stool ober dar?”
“Dat’sdo water-pail,” was the answor.
“Jess so, gom’len—jess so. 1 f dat pail
war painted red or blue what would
it bo?”
“Nnffin but a pail.”
“Jess so agin. If we shud paint dat
pail, an’ fresco do handle, an' silverplatc
de hoops, an’ eali it do Tower of London,
it wouldn’t be de tower enny moar dan it
it now. We iz all a-grecd on dat —all but
do woman. My ole woman, who am
black as do one spot of spades, lame in de
lefflog, and wid no moar bowty dan de
bind eend of a butcher cart, frizzes a curl
obei her leff car, ties a red ribbon aroun'
her front, puts on a bustle, squeezes her
corset till she can't holler, an’ sails down
de street wit de ideah in her car hat slio’s
a turkey of do fust water. She reckons
dat nobody can gaze on her widout a
shiver of administration, an’ dat folks
will imagine dat I own all do corner lots
on de Brush-fa’m. But she’s nnffin but
my 010 woman, alter all—nuffin but a
bundle o’groans an’ a heap o’aehes.
Walk out on de streets, an’ what d’.yo see?
Every female in de lan’ rulw paint on her
checks an' powder on her facer. Dcy frizz
deir ha’r, squeeze up on deir corsets, nip
along on deir toes, an’ deir hull aim is to
deceive de men into believin’ dat dey am
hansuui an' lubly. De uglier an’ meaner
lookin’ de woman am, de more she frizzes
and de harder she nips De less money
dey havtodross on, de richer de duds are,
an’ de more jewelry dey w. roun’. A
uian stuns up in de broad lido, 1 day. an’
do hull world kin see if he’s humbly an
ugly an’ l ime an' snearly, but • •• woman
sails along in a cloud of gor; usness, an'
de lameness an’ deception dmin' come
out till after site’s gut you-’ast. Ll a pig
is a pig, why should we c.dl him a cook
stove? Ufa woman is a woman, why do
need of all din paint an’ powder, an’
nippin’ aroun’? De white man doan’
’pi .date it, do nigger is sick of it, an’ I
toll you, gem’len, dat de tuno am cornin’
when dis country am gwine to sigh mighty
hard for a return of do days when a clean
calico dress an’ a healthy woman wont
aroun’ in company. —Free Frees.
A WOMAN'S KEVENGK.
Novelists in search of asensution might
do worse than turn their attention to the
last dwindling Maoris of New Zealand,
judging by an incident of domestic life
among these people that has just been
published. The names and dates have
been withheld, but the story is vouched tor,
and is a remarkable instance of wtiat a
woman wiil do for love and the revenge
she will take on those who thwart it. —
The peculiar sanctity field by his followers
to attach to a Maori ehi* f i-i well known;
and tho fact that he can taboo, (a total
prohibition of intercourse with) or in ke
sacred, anything lie touches, has also boon
told us in a dozen volumes, It so hap
pened that a llangatira chief fell in love
witli a handsome girl of bis people, who
loved an humbler admirer.
In vain the girl and her lover protested;
and without giving them long to iodi Ige
in their useless efforts, the chief’ settled
tin; tua ter, aud the girl became his.
What made the matter worse was that by
his peculiar power of taboo he could, as
it were, shut out his rival forever.
Against any ordinary foe the young lover
would have fought on, hoping for death
or sorno other cutting of ti e knot. But
against the chief he was powerless. No
Maori dare defy the supposed sacred at
tributes of their loaders, and the young
fellow gave up the girl in despair, when
nrico the taboo had made her the chief’s
lurever.
NUMBER 2:3.
But now comes the dramatic climax of
tho episode. The girl waits, and does
nothing desperate, so long as there is vet
a chance for the love she returned. But
no sooner has he sullenly retired from tho
struggle, hopeless nod broken-hearted,
than she resolves on the htdoauo revenge.
To kill tho chief would havo been of little
use, for she would have boon tabooed still,
and no one would havo dared to marry
her. But ho can at least, inflict a life
long revenge upon tho chief who had
taken her from her love, ami this she pro
ceeds to accomplish in a horribly ingen
ious way.
Stealing cwny one night from her lodge,
she undo her way to tho but <sf a leprous
hag living, shunned by the tribe, on tho
outskiitsof the village. Wc arc told that
she not only stayed with the diseased
woman for a time, but to insure still mere
oertainty of her revenge, drank tho old
hag’s blood. Need we add that when sho
returned to her lord and master it was
not as the handsome girl sLo set out, but
as a loathsome leper, to boa life-long
burden and curse and an object of disgust
to him!
Such is the story, which, for the terri
ble intensity of the passion for revenge
shown by the heroine, has probably been
rarely surpassed. One can better under
stand, after reading it, how it was tho
last wai in New Zealand was such a hotly
contested one. No wonder the Maoris
fought to tho bitter end, if evon their
women possess tho determination shown
by this dark-skinned beauty.
A TALK WITH TIIIS GIBUS.
I wonder why it is that we see some
thing so clearly after we get into that light
which lies upon the shady side of life's
meridian? Is it bccauso wo wear specta
cles, or because the romantic ideas of
youth have been toned down by tho
weight of toil and care? Anyhow, when
t see a young girl slipping shyly into our
great, household, I wonder if she is think
ing of a smaller one over which she hopes
to preside some day, and make very
pleasant for the hero of her dreams? If
so, 1 want her to come over here into my
corner, and let me give her a few hints
about insuring her future happiness. In
the first [dace, my dear girl, see that your
love is based upon a true es'imate of your
lover’s character, ffr otherwise you will
build upon tho sand. Do not look for
perfection, but study him well- Weigh
his faults, and learn how to help him to
oveicome them, or to avoid them as he
would a rock at sea.
In thinking of your marriage do not
look upon if is the end of all troubles. It
i. but a change. Each sea-ain of your
life —mi‘i'l wife, and motherhood —has
:• -i hi pec-i rials and dear rewards,
i t.™ there 1 jonie a time, sooner w
uter, when th • vnr will mergo into tho
berimed, and you will miss many of the
I ear-ses and attentions so dear to a
! f mimne heart. Do nut grieve, but ro
u; .infer that., though fie may omit tho
! good-bye kiss, his affection for you is just
as strong. It has only settled into an
an ivory day affair: and we are not apt
to make much fuss over every day affairs.
1 am certain that marriage is a disap
pointment to many, because the parties
invest each other with imaginary quali
ties, make no just estimate of character,
and expect, without especial effort, to
share the fate of tho good couple ill a
novel who “live happy ever after.”
■. ♦
Francisco Porulto, a Mexican rider,
attempted at Brooklyn, N. Y.,‘Saturday,
the feat of riding 305 miles in fifteen
hours, lie began at, 4A. M., having a
fresh horse for every mile. He accom
plished the first 100 miles in 4 hours and
20 minutes, average ]>er mile 2 minutes
and 40 seconds. At. the 235th mile ho
was 7 minuters ahoed of time. After
this three heavy showers fell in.succession,
the track became very muddy, and tho
time ranged from 2:50 to 3:18 per mile,
and when he was on tho 302d mile the
judges declared the time was up. Peral
ta continued, however, making the 305
miles in 15 hours 10 minutes. His fastest
mile was the 138th in 2:13 and tho slowest
the 295th iu 3:18. Ho finished in good
condition and excellent spirits, and was
heartily cheered. But fur tho rain ho
would havo succeeded in his task.
♦ ■
A certain Deacon in one of the churches
in Brooklyn, docs not appreciate “Hold
the fort” as much as he did. A few even
ings ago, at a Bunday-sohoolconcert, while
marching around the room at the head of
a procession of children, he had a forcible
realization of his position after the class
had sung the words, “See the mighty
host advancing, Butan leading on,” and
immediately retired.