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CANDOR .
OCJTOHKK —A, WOOD.
k llroow whut you’re going to say/' she salt..
And shu stood up, looking uncommonly tal
“You are going to speak of the beetle fall.
And you’iv worry the dead.
And no other summer was like it. you know,
Vnd cun 1 imagine whut made it so.
Now aren't you, honestly?" “Yc >," 1 said.
*‘l know what you’re going to say." she said •
“You are going to ask if 1 forget
That day in June when the woods were wet.
And you curried me"—-here she dropped her
head —
‘Over the creek: you are going to say.
Do 1 remember that horrid day.
How aren’t you, honestly?” “Yes," I said,
4 'l know what you’re going to say,” sh*‘ said
“You are going to av that since that time
You have rather tetunvl to run to rhyme.
her clear glance fell, and her ehe ..
niw red
“And have 1 noticed your tone was queet
Why, rreri/bo /y has seen it ln*rel
Now aren't you, honestly?" “Yes," I said.
“I know what i/ou're going to say,” I said:
“You're going to say you've been much an
noyed;
And I’m short of tact—you will say. Me
. m void’—
AMKl'ni ciunisv on awkward; and call me
Tel:
uul 1 bear alujso u*o a dear old lamb.
And you’ll have me, anyway. Just as I am.
Now aren't you, honestly?’ “Yt-es," she said
!!■'! MtUhiiine.
THE BROKEN ENGAGEMENT.
When M-.trfo jlnrimont’a engagement
was prucliumiSpr.j tho world there en
sued a surprise.
People generally are mu prised at mat
rimonial engWgeineuts. There is always
gome eogem reason why things should
hatft' "ISvii adjusted otherwise -why
Jobe should have married Joai.-.md
PelF: should prefor Betsey. \unody
was ever vet married to suit everybody.
But in Mary Clarimont’s ease il did
renllv seem us if the course of true love
had interfered seriously with the eurreut
of common sense and prudence.
Miss Clarimout was only one-and
tweiity, u tall, imperial beauty, with
dewy black eyes, a skin as fresh as
damask roses, and dark-brown hair,
coiled in shining bands at the back of
her head. Moreover, Miss Clarimout
had a “career" before her. She had
just graduated from Medtteld Medical
University and taken out her diploma
as an M. I).
“And only to tb’ , ’ Jittid Aunt
do, bursting into tears of vexation and
disappointment, “that alio must needs
go and ruin nil her prospects by getting
engaged to Harry Marlow, down in Now
York!” ,
“ It does seem strange. Aunt .To, when
I sit down and thuik of it," said Doctor
Mary, laughing and blushing. “Six
months ago my profession was all the
world to me. I neither wished nor
cared for anything outside its limits.
The futuia was all mapped out before
me, without let or and
now—”
“Humph!” (fowled Aunt Jo. “Any
brainless idiot call get married and keep
a man's L 'j*ao and mend his shirts for
*i)iui. but p were made for something
biffher anJsnlore dignified, Mary.”
■ Mary’s iTfra -bright eyes sparkled.
“ HiirherhAnnt Jo?" said she. “ More
dignified ? you are mistaken.
There is nolitgher or more dignified lot
in life than that of the true wife of a no
ble husbands."
“Fiddlesticks!” said Aunt Jo. “As
if every floor fool who was dazzled by
the glitt.7 of a wedding-ring didn't say
the same filing! You’ve disappointed
me, Mary Clanmont, and I'm ashamed
of you, and that is the long and the
Bhort of it.”
Mary smiled.
“ Dear Aunt Jo," said she, “ I shall
nutlet my sword and shield rust, believe
has only his own talents to
f HflWmeeTiiiu in the world, aud it will Ih>
, sideast a year before we shall be ready
tip marry. In the meantime I shall ac
cept the post of visiting physician to the
almshouse and practice my
profession in AJdenbnry, just the same
as if there were no engagement.”
“ I wish to goodness there wasn’t,”
said Aunt Jo. “I tell you what, Mary,
I don’t fancy that smiling, smooth
tongued young man of yours, and I
never shall. ”
Still Doctor Mary Clarimont kept her
temper.
“1 am sorry, Aunt Jo;” she said,
pleasantly, ‘■‘lftit I hope Jim! .tqrt will
eventually change your mind.'* '''
“ 1 used to keep a thread-ana-neeille
store when I was a young woman,” re
marked Aunt Jo, dryly, “and I always
could toll the ring of a counterfeit half
dollar when a customer laid it on the
counter. I could then, and 1 can now—
and 1 tell you what, Mary, there’s base
metal about Harry Marlow!”
Doctor Mary bit her lip.
“Perhaps. We will not* discuss the
subject further, Aunt Jo," she said, with
quiet dignity, and the old lady said no
more.
“Aunt Jo is wrong!”, persisted the
pretty young M. I). to herself,
“ Mary is making a fool of herself I”
thought Aunt Jo.
Aldenbury was a pretty manufactur
ing village, with a main street shaded by
umbrageous maples, a “west end,” whore
people who had made their fortunes
lived comfortably in r< ouiv old houses,
surrounded by velvet lawns and terraced
gardens, and an “east end,” where peo--
pie fought desperately and not always
successfully to keep soul and laxly to
gether on the merest pittance.
And a little way out of the village the
almshouse-, built and endowed bya cer
tain smuggling sea Captain, whose con
science had pricked him during his lat
ter days, raised their gray-stone gables
to the sky, and made a picturesque back
ground to flic landscape.
Doctor Mary Clairmont marie some
thing of a sensation at Aldenbury. Dp
to this time all the resident M. I). s had
been snuffy old gentlemen with wigs or
pert young ones with eyeglasses.
A beautiful young lady who wrote
prescriptions and compounded pills and
potions, was a novelty in the town, and
by no means a disagreeable one. People
rather liked the idea, once they had con
vinced themelves that tbo lady doctor
thoroughly understood herself and her
* And the poor old people at the alms
house grew to love Doctor Mary and
listen with eager ears for the sound of
her carriage wheels over the blue gravel
drive which led up to the portico.
It was a brilliant December day when
the young physician stood in the neatly
carpeted reception-room, drawing on
her fur gloves previous to entering her
neat phaeton once again, while she re
iterated to the white-capped maid some
directions concerning old Ann Mndgett’s
rheumatism, when the matron hur
ried in.
“ Oh, I beg your pardon, Doctor
Clairmont,” said she, “but I clean forgot
the new old woman !"
“The" . old woman, repeated
Doctor Mary, with a smile.
“That is,” explained Mrs. Cunning
ham, ‘ ‘ she only came last night—a quiet
old soul, half blind and quite bad with
the asthma. Perhaps you’d better just
Bee her before you go. She brought a
card of admission from Doctor Merton,
the New York clergyman, who is one of
our directors, you know. And she seems
% decent body enough. ”
€ljc &nmmenrilU
VOL. X.
So Doctor Mary went cheerfully into
the .little brick-paved room, with its
white pallet-bed cushioned rocking
chair and noatlv-draped casement, where
sat a |>oor, little snriveled-up woman,
wrapped in a faded shawl.
She looked timidly up, as Doctor
Mary came in, from under tho borders
of her cap.
“I’m a poor body, miss," said she,
“aud I’m sensible I’m making a deal of
trouble in the world. But tho Lord
don’t always take us, miss, when we’d
like to go.”
“This is the doctor,” said Mrs. Cun
ningham.
The little woman would have risen up
to make a feeble courtesy, but Doctor
Mary motioned her to keep her seat.
“What is your name?” said she,
pleasantly.
“Louise Marlow, miss.”
“Marlow? That is an nuusunl name,
isn’t it?" said Mary Cloirmont, coloring
in spite of herself.
“We’re English, miss,” said tho old
woman, struggling hraveiy with her
asthma. “There ain’t many of us in
this country. I’ve a son, miss, in the
law business, as any mother might be
proud of.”
“ A son!” echoed Mrs. Cunningham;
“ and you in the almshouse 1”
“Not that it’s his fault, ma’am,” the
old creature made haste to explain. “My
sou is to l>e married to a fine, proud
young lady, as is fit for any prince in all
the land, and of course ho can’t be ex
pected to burden himself with a helpless
old woman like me. He says I’m to write
and let him know how I get along, and
if I’m sick or anything he’ll try to see
me. I sowed carpets until tho asthma
g*t hold of me, and supported myself
comfortably. But of course I couldn’t lay
up anything for a rainy day—who could ?
And Henry couldn’t help me, for lie’s
getting ready to l>e married, poor lad !
So f went to Dr. Merton and asked him
did he know of any docent place where
an old woman like mo coaid end her
days in pence. And he gave me a card
to come here and some money to pay my
traveling expenses -God bless him !
and here I am !’*
Mary Clarimout bad listened quietly
to the garrulous tale, but the color bad
varied in her cheek more than once as
she stood there.
“ Is your son’s name Harry Marlow ?”
she said, slowly and thoughtfully.
“Yes, miss, at your service,” said
tho old woman, with a duck of her
white-capped head, which was meant to
do duty in place of the impossible
courtesy.
“ Is he like this ?” said Doctor Mary,
taking a photograph from her pocket.
“The old woman, with trembling
hands, fitted on her iron-bowed spec
tacles, and looked at the picture, utter
ing a little cry of recognition.
“Sure, miss, it is his own self,” sin'
cried. “You are acquainted with him,
then ?”
“Somewhat,” said Doctor Mary, com
posedly, as she returned the photograph
to it’s place. “And now 1 will leave
you something to relieve this difficulty
in breathing.”
But the old crone eyed her wistfully.
“■Perhaps you know the young lady
my sou is to marry ?”
“Yes.” said Doctor Mary, writing
something in her proscription book. “ I
have seen her.”
“Perhaps, miss,” faltered tho old
woman, “you would give her my humble
duty, and tell her I would just like to
look at her tor once and see what she is
like. There’s no fear of my troubling
her, miss, for I mean to end my days
here. But I would like to see lier just
once. And if it wouldn’t be asking too
much, miss, would you please write to
my son, and tell where I am?—for I’m
no scholar myself, and I’m Ills mother,
after all.”
“ I will write to him,” said Doctor
Mary, quietly ; and so she went away.*
“ 1 never.see a lady doctor afore,” said
old Mrs. Marlow, with a long sigh.
“ But she’s a pretty creetur, and it
seems good to have her around. 1 hope
she’ll come again soon.”
“You may be very sure of that,” said
tlie matron, brusquely. “ Doctor Clari
mont ain’t one to neglect poor people
because they are poor.”
That evening Aunt Jo, frying crullers
over the kitchen fire, was surprised by a
visit from her niece, who came in, all
wrapped in furs, with her cheeks crim
soned with the frosty, winter air.
“ Bless me ! this ain’t never you ?”
said Aunt Jo, peering over the rims of
her spectacles.
“1 drove over to see yon, Aunt Jo,”
said Mary, “to t il you that you were
right. The metal was counterfeit. ”
“Kb ?” said Aunt Jo, mechanically
ladling out the brown, curly crullers,
although she did not look at what she
was doing.
“ I have written to Hurry Marlow,
canceling our engagement." said Doctor
Mary, calmly, albeit her voice fait--red a
little. “The man who will heartlessly
let his old mother go into an almshouse,
sooner than take the trouble to maintain
her, can be no tit husband for any
woman I”
And then she sat down by the fire and
told Aunt Jo everything ; for crabbed,
crusty old Aunt .loo* had been like u
mother to her, and the girl’s heart was
full to overflowing.
When she liail ceased speaking Aunt
Jo nodded her head.
“You have done well and wisely,”
said she.
Old Mrs. Marlow died that winter, in
Aldenbury almshouse, with her head on
Doctor Mary Clarimont’s arm, and never
knew that her garrulous confessions ha t
deprived her son of his promised wife.
And Mary says quietly and resolutely
that her profession must be husband
and home to her henceforward.
“Just what it ought to be,” says Aunt
Jo. “No woman every yet succeeded
in doing two things at once.”
And ever thereafter Dr. Mary wore
bloomers, fought for the rights of her
sex and entertained an unquenchable
dislike for the male sex.
—The Detroit Free Press feels sure
that a country which can pan out 550,-
000.000 bushels of wheat in such a sea
son as this cannot be sat down on by
any power on earth.
-An educated < ncrokce Indian is ed
iting a small journal at Fayetteville, Ark.
SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA, WEDNESDAY EVENING, FEBRUARY 7. 1883.
A Long. Felt Want.
I have had occasion to travel consid
erably during the past year, and at half
the houses 1 stopped the biscuits were
raw at the bottom, and either as heavy
as lead or yellow as a pumpkin with
soda, while the meat was swimming in
grease. Why, it is enough to give a
razor-back hog, a sheep-killing (log, or
a Bengal tiger dyspepsia. And then the
coffee- how detestable! W lmt it is
made of I have not the slightest idea; but
whatever it is, it has not the remotest
kinship to genuine Rio or the delicious
ly-flavored Java. Horace Greeley vis
ited the South soon alter the war, and
the only criticism his kind heart made
was in those memorable words: “ l lie
South needs twenty thousand cooks!”
It would not have been prudent for Mr.
Greeley to have made a visit to the
South before the war, but if ho had.
and been entertained by -‘O,OOO farmers
and planters, he would have said: “Thu
South has 20,000 of the best cooks in the
world!” Southerners always educated
their daughters, and when these daugh
ters married they made their home at
tractive in various wavs, and especially
in the cooking department. They edu
cated negro women in the art of look
ing, and allowed them to do nothing
else, consequently the cooking was ex
cellent. Hut the abolition of shivery
also abolished good cooking, except as
to the negro women who were educated
by their mistresses in the culinary art.
and the mistre-sos themselves. I heard
a gentleman make a very sensible re
mark recently. “Vanderbilt, Peabody
:uid Slater have given millions of
dollars to the cause of educa
tion in the South, aud I honor them
as great benefactors of our section; but
if] had several millions to give away
1 would establish all over the South
schools in which the art "f cooking
would be taught In doing this 1
would he subserving the cause of mor
ality and religion, as well as of civiliza
tion and humanity. I’roperly-cooked
food causes health, and perfect health
is conducive to good temj or, cheerful
ness, kind feeling, efficient arid capa
ble work, menial and physical, while
badly-cooked food produces indiges
tion indigestion causes lad health in
every part of the human system, fret
fulness, hatelulness, disc ntent. poor
mental and physical labor, and renders
life a curse to liim-elf and all those
around him. A man cannot be a true
Christian, in all that it means, if he is
fed upon badly cooked food all Ids days.
The great need of the country is good
cooks and plenty of them. Young
ladies should be instructed in the art,
both at school and at home. It is time
the country, wits awakening to this
great need. A woll-to do parent spends
sol 0 to giv his daughter a musical ed-
and another ¥ ,o 0 to buy her a
piano, and nine chances to one she nev
er plays on it a year after her mar
riage. If ihe SI,OOO were -pent in giv
ing her a practical and tkcorcti al
knowledge o: cooking, it would fie far
better for her and infinitely better for
her future husband and children.’’
'I ho man who made these remarks is
married, and hastbreo beautiful daugh
ters. “hence these tears. ’’ Cm'. A'as/i-
Vitli (Jinn.) American.
Curios.
The meaning of the word “curio”
undoubtedly should lie something which
is strange, something which causes
wonder or interest—in short,a curiosity;
hut its original significance has been,
to a great extent, lost, and anything
coming from beyond the seas is now
adays called a curio. Thus, it may he
imagined, a genuine curio is a rarity;
what was considered a curio twenty
years ago is, in these days of globe
trotting and easy locomotion, scarcely
looked at, and realizes a smaller price
among us than it originally cost in the
land of its production. Still, curio
hunters abound, and the man who
makes a foreign tour and returns with
out the orthodox curios is regarded as
having undergone his labor for no
purpose. douse uently, the natural
supply of curios not being equal to the
demand, the wholesale manufacture of
them has sprung up as a distinct and
recognized branch of trade, and tfie in
nocent to urist, gleefully bringing home
his treasures, is far more often than not
in possession of worthless im
itations, of which the value, or rather
the want of value, is easily detected
by an e pert. Thus, Ihe traveler in
Spain fee's bound to possess
himself of a real Toledo blade,
and be pay s an exorbitant price for an
article which bears every resemblance
of bring a genuine Martino Alvarez, but
which, in reality, was shipped with
many thousands of others a few weeks
previously Irom Sheffield. So it is witli
the rm dais ol < laudiiis and the statuettes
of Mercury which crowd the curio shops
of Home ; so with the papyri anil funeral
statuettes of Egypt, the’ famous egg
shell porcelain of Nagasaki, the old
bronzes of K yoto, the Indian gold plate
and ancient filigree work, the Maori and
South Sea war clubs, the moccasins and
wampum belts of North America—all
produced wholesale, brought out rever
ently, and priced accordingly. The
number of travelers is legion, and, as
every individual traveler Js not an in
telligent obscr er or a painstaking note
maker, the bringing home of curios is
considered sufficient atonement. Al
though the man may be as ignorant of
the manners and customs of the land
in which, perhaps, he has passed many
years, as if he had never left home, at
the last moment he goes the round of
the curio shops, selects the orthodox
co le tion, and is stamped as an intelli
gent traveler. As he, of course. Hat
ters himself that his purchases are
unique, the ente prise of the manufact
urer makes things pleasant ter every
body. And thus it is that the modern
curio is too often a misnomer. —London
(ilobe. m
—A practical joke with a sad sequel
was recently perpetrated by a boy em
ployed in the Ascutney Mills at Wind
sor, Vt. A girl employed in the same
room had removed her shoes and left
them lyteg on the floor near one of the
spinners. In her absence the boy nailed
the shoes to the floor. Subsequently
the girl, in attempting to pull them up,
thrust her left hand into the gearing of
the spinner, crushing all her fingers
nearly to the knuckles. Her whole
hand had to be amputated.
Areas of Rain and Drouth.
Front observations made by Prof.
Loomis and recorded, it appears that
on one fifth part of the land surface of
the globe the average annual laiulall is
loss than ten inches, ami that on oven a
larger surface tho fall is so slight, as to
render tho land valueless for agricul
tural purposes, oxcopt iu the limited
district which permits of irrigation.
There is an extensive rain-bolt, along
tho Atlantic coast from thirty-live an d
groos north to thirty-three degrees
south, with the exception of districts in
Mexico and Texas, where tho average
rainfall is fifty inches. There are belts
of country across South America and
Africa and the islands of the East In
dian Archipelago which form an equa
torial rain-belt of about 1,000 miles in
breadth where the rainfall averages
fifty inches. There are also similar
belts across Africa, Asia, and in sections
of Australia, North and South America,
where the rainfall averages only ton
inches and oven less, but tho only por
tion of Europe which is properly termed
a rainless district is a small portion of
Spain, whore the fall is loss than ten
inches per annum. The mostremnrka
ble rainbelt extends from the Atlantic
coast across Northern Africa and east
ward to the Indus, its length hoing 4,500
miles and its breadth 1,000 miles, in
which the rainfall is about seventy-five
inches. Prof. Loomis drew no deduc
tions from his observations, but Prof.
Guyot, the geographer of Princeton Col
lege, has published a paper on the ex
istence in both hemispheres of a dry
terrestrial zone. These dry or rainless
zones, whose locations wore vaguely
designated in Prof. Loomis’ paper, were
more distinctly marked out on a map
exhibited by Prof. Guyot. These zones
he denominated as semi-tropical zones,
and are situated both north and south
of the equator, extending across a well-
defined belt of country. The southern
semi-tropical zone is nearer to the
equator than the northern semi-tropical
zone, a fact which the Professor held
was due in part to the fact that the
amount of land in tho Northern Hemis
phere overweighted that in the Southern,
and so lifted further to the North the
whole meteorological system of the
Southern Hemisphere. Tho cause which
leads to the existence of these two rain
less zones is the construction of tho
country bounding them. The country
about the partial deserts existing is such
as to draw from the atmosphere all the
moisture it has before the winds rcaoh
the dry country. This is generally the
cause, the most notable exception being
in tho dry lands of Peru, where, though
there is no rain, there is much moisture
in the atmosphere, which is precipitated
and serves its purpose without con
densation. In the course of his remarks
he stated Mint tho Mississippi Valley
would be, by reason of the construction
of the country on either side, a vast
desert were it not for the existence of
the, Gulf of Mexico, the warmest body
of water on the surface of tho earth, ana
one that helps very materially in supply
ing tho rainfall for that part of the
conn try. —Chicago TrUninc.
—-
Predicting Storms.
i’rof. K. Stono Wiggins, I.L. J)., the
Canadian astronomer who recently
warned the President that “preeminent
ly (ho greatest storm that has visited
this continent” since the days of Wash *
ington will sweep over the United States
on certain days of next March, appears
to he responsible for some remarkable
statements in an Ottawa newspaper.
The Free Press of that city soberly de
clares that “Tho loading scientists.of
Europe have endorsed the prediction,”
and adds: “There can ho no doubt
that if the Toronto Meteorological Bu
reau had acted upon his warning in
September the Asia, with a hundred
souls on board, would not have been
lost. The United States Signal Office,
however, so the American Register tells
us, hail implicit faith in his predictions,
owing to his standing as an astronomer
in that country, having ranked second
in the race for the Warner prize last
year, for which 125 of the leading as
tronomers competed. Accordingly three
days before t he time named by Wiggins
they hoisted the storm signals, and the
same journal telis us that his prediction
in that one instance saved tho United
States $8,000,000!”
This is a pretty story to toll to Dr.
Wiggins’ doubting countrymen, but it
has no value on this side of the border.
The Signal Service Office does not in
any way sanction the prediction for
March, and we think it is entirely safe
to say that, instead of having had “im
plicit faith” in any forecast from Cana
da last September, the recent letter to
the President was the first warning the
bureau had that Dr. Wiggins was
abroad. The storm signals hoisted
along the coast between 10 a. m. of
Septembers and 12:05, of September
18, were warnings of the approach of a
cyclone from the tropics, and had no
connection with the storm from the Pa
cific Coast in which the Asia was lost.
The cyclone was of such great energy
that signals were also raised on the
lakes for northerly winds; but these
were lowered September 11, and no
more were again displayed until the
morning of the 14th, the day the Asia
was lost in Georgian Bay. In other
words, the lake signals were lowered
before the Asia storm reached the Pa
cific Coast, and they were not ordered
up again until that storm suddenly de
veloped great violence over Lakes Supe
rior and Huron, which was after 11 p.
rn. of September 13. The warnings ter
the cyclone-made without knowledge
of any prediction of Dr. Wiggins—saved
at least 514,000,000 in property, enough
I to cover the expenses of the signal ser
vice for ten years.— N. Y. Tribune.
\ —Benjamin Gordon, better known as
i “Charlie Howard,” whose murder in a
Leadville gambling house has been re
i corded, was one of the depraved frater
: nity who make the worst possible use of
conspicuous gifts and graces. He was a
1 member of a good Virginia family, was
j well educated, had acquired several lan
j guages by foreign travel, and possessed
a winning and genial nature, all of which
| advantages he deliberately devoted to
the profession of gambling, in which,
though only thirty years old, he had at
i tained great proficiency. Chicago
Temes.
Itells.
The word is suggestive of a variety of
sounds, some harsh, others sweet, and a
fow fair (fare), the last-named class be
ing confined, strictly to car conductors.
One rarely hoars more exquisite music
than a harmonious chime of sweet-toned
bells, or one more jarring and disagreea
ble than the discordant; jingling ot poor
or cracked ones.
Bolls have their peculiarities, many of
which we fail to appreciate from lack of
observation.
Tho numerous advantages of a onll
bell on the table, over the castor or salt
collar, as an . rtiolo to throw at, tho serv
ant to hurry her, or a the children to
quiet them, cannot bo overestimated.
It has all the in urious qualities of tho
others, and the desirable characteristic
of always remaining a sound article.
Then the door-bell presents it-clf, a
medium, by the way, to inform observ
ing people tho number of the house
they want isnextdoor. It usually rings
in such a manner as to be distinctly
heard by even body in tho house, except
the girl whose duty it is to answer it,
and. if by any chance she does hear it,
it is tho bell’s fault, not the girl’s, and
if it is a well-regulated bell it will ring
twice as often when she is out than it
does any other time.
| Bells sometimes exercise a " fare”
| amount of influence over men. This is
I especially noticeable on street ears,
i where bells are used to prevent passen
gers pay ng their fare twice, and to
compel the conductor to keep his eves
“pooled” and thus enable him to make
his boll-punch chime with tho jingling
amount of money turned in.
I hen tho ragman’s hell, which tinkles
mournfully in the early morning, and
causes the, average man, as he passes
him on the street, to button his coat
| tighter and wish lie might wear all his
clothes at once and tic them on with a
clothes line, to prevent a sacrifice of
them to the addition of anew vase on
the mantel or a plaster cast of Venus
riding on a lizard.
And last, the wedding hells, which
usually announce a man has reached the
end of his happiness, blit neglect, to say
which end, and it is a subject for de
bating clubs to decide, whether tho
heil-e who goes on or stays in the tour
(tower) is the most cracked.— Detroit
Free Press. _
A Lawyer’s Recovery.
Wo once heard a story of an smiuent
legal advocate, which is by far too good
.to lie forgotten. Onco in a great while
our friend migjrt, on a brilliant social
I occasion, take a little more wine than he
I could comfortably carry ; and such a
thing had happened on a certain day,
1 when, on entering court, he was re
quested to defend a man who hail been
| accused of forgery. The case was ex
plained to him, and he declared liimsclf
I thoroughly conversant with it.
But, when it eamo time for him to nd-
I dress the court aud tho jury, he hail so
fur forgotten, or got tilings mixed, that
he utterly mistook his side of the cause,
and opened with a powerful, scathing
and searching pica against the very man
lie was to defend !
Tho lawyer who had engaged hint was
thunderstruck ; tho poor client himself
sat liko one with tho ague in torture ;
while the counsel on the other side
laughed in their sleeves, whispering to
one another that their opponent hud
beaten himself.
At length, however, but not until the
advocate hod literally annihilated his
own client, his friend managed to reach
his side, and whisper into ins ear what
lie hod done. “ You have been plead
ing against your own client 1”
For a single instant the advocate was
taken aback ; but quickly his wits cumo
to him, a,nd, pushing bis associate away,
lie turned again to tho court, and to tho
jury, and said :
“ Your Honor—and Gentlemen of the
Jury—such is tho case which I am very
sure my brother on tho other side will
present to you 1 I have been careful to
look at this matter from his standpoint;
and I have shown you with wlmt sophis
try and falsehood ho might regale you.
But, genflemen—What are the facts?
Ah ! Now we come to tho truth, and
you shall seo how different it is 1”
And then he went on, taking up, piece
by piece, the speech which he had just
made, and utterly demolishing it. And,
as he had, in the outset, presented the
case almost word for word as the coun
sel for the plaintiff had planned to pre
sent it, lie had left them without a whole
rag jipon their spars. His presenta
tion of what lie was pleased to call the
truth was simply masterly ; and we will
only add that the case was his from that
moment, beyond the power of the oppo
sition even to attract serious attention
from the jury.— New York Ledger.
Did Him a Favor.
A few days since a prominent mem
ber of the Board of Trade was sum
moned to sit as a juryman in one of the
courts of record. Now, however much
business men may regret that our jury
system is such that incompetent arid un
fit men may get upon juries, they do
not care to improve the system at per
sonal loss, and each term of court sees
them urging their claims to be excused.
The gentleman in question made an ap
plication to be excused, and, after being
sworn, stated that he could not servo
except at considerable pecuniary loss to
himself.
“ What is the nature of your busi
ness?” inquired the Court.
“ i am a grain merchant.”
“ Where do vou transact your busi
ness principally?”
“On tho Board of Trade.
“ Well, I think I shall, under the cir
cumstances, do you a favor.”
“ Thank your Honor,” said the mer
chant, bowing gratefully and starting
ter the door.
“Hold on! Hold on!” exclaimed
the Court. “Tho favor I refer to is this:
ff you were to go down to the Board of
Trade you would likely get cornered ort
wheat (is that the correct term?) and
lose your money. I’ll save you from
loss by keeping you here. Swear the
jury, Mr. Clerk!”— Detroit Free Press.
—The Boston Post is authority for tfie
statement that a New Jersey druggist,
wishing to close out his stock, put liis
prices so low that all the people in ifio
vicinity took medicine, because it was
cheap.
NO. 3.
Cold First, Then Diphtheria.
I want to say right hero that no
healthy child can possibly catch diph
theria—tho child it Attacks must first
have what Is commonly called a cold or
a catarrah. A small pieco of diphthe
ric poison may bo placed on a man’s
eye, and unless there is an abrasion of
the epidermis ho will not be affected. 1
am promulgating very advanoed ideas,
I am aware, but 1 insist that neither
diphtheria, measles or scarlet fever can
be acquired unless tho conditions I have
named exist. I believe that cholera
might bo traoed in its infection to im
proper diet. In tho Sixth Ward, whore
I live, diphtheria is very prevalent, and
throe cases have terminated fatally
within 100 yards of my residence, and
just, before coming hero l read tho sta
tistics of a physician whose ability for
observation can not ho questioned that
out of 588 cases of diphtheria,
508 had ended fatally; those 568
cases were taken from epidem
ics of various severities. In the
northern part of the city some of tho
children died within twenty-four hours
of tho development of tho disoase.
There is ono tiling which it is due to
ourselves and friends that wo make un
derstood; many physicians call diphthe
ria what is simply some other throat
disease, and having cured the throat
disease they claim to having cured
diphtheria, and the result is that Mrs.
Brown says to Dr. Blank; “l)r. Dash
cured Smith’s child of diphtheria, but
my child died on your hands.” It’s an
advanced idea, but it should be known
that a throat disease which was cured
was no diphtheria. — Dr. Cole, of St.
Louis.
Breaking His Heart.
It was a clothing dealer on the
Bowery, and as the slab-sided young
mivi opened the floor he rubbed his
hands over each other and said;
“Come in, my front. 1 guess you
vhas looking for an overcoat. Try on
flisonc, for seven dollars.”
“Thankee. I’ve got, about eighty
dollars in my pocket, and I thought
“Ah! Mine front, you vhas come to
the right blace. Jloyy you like a blue
suit, for ten dollars!”
“I' vo got about eighty dollars in my
pocket and was looking for ”
“Take li s gray lor fourteen dollars.
You never had such a bargain in all
your porn days."
“As I was saying, I’ve got about
eighty dollars, and 1 want to buy a
pretty fair one.”
■' Here is owe all wool for twelve dol
lars: shump right into it.”
“A pretty fair one. willi silver plated
handles,” confirmed the young man.
“1 ve golem! i”in dor only dealer
in all New York who keep oafergonts
mil silver Mated handles.”
“1 don’t mean overcoats.”
“No!”
“I mean coffins! bet's see your
latest fall styles.”
“My front,” whispered the dealer, as
he took his arm, I “don’t keep gollius.
Vlien I realize dot you haf eighty dol
lars in your pocket, undlhaveno goltins
to sell, I feel (lot X might, as vliell gif
oop dis mad struggle lor riches. I Inf
some pity oil a broken-licnrte I mail,
und lake iw<> bed-quills at three dollars
apiece, und let dot gollin go.” - Wall
f leid ,V, //.*
In France.
The French laborer probably gets
more for bis wages than any other. His
food is cheaper and more nourishing.
His bouillon is the liquid essence of beet
at a penny per bowl. His bread at the
restaurant i.s thrown in without any
charge, and is tho best bread in the
world. His hot coffee and milk is
peddled about thestreotsin the morning
at a sou per cup. it is coffee, not slops.
His half bottle of claret is thrown in lit n
meal costing 12 cents. For a few cents
ho may enjoy an evening’s amusement,
at one of the many minor theaters, w ith
bis coffee free. Sixpence pays for a
nicely cushioned seat at the theater. No
gallery gods, no peanuts, pipe, smoke,
drunkenness, yelling or howling. The
Jurdin dos Plantes, the vast,.galleries
and museums of the Louvre, Hotel
Cl uny, Palaco of the Luxembourg and
Versailles, are free for him to enter.
Art and science hold out, to him their
choicest treasures at, small cost, or no
cost at all. French economy and fru
gality do not mean that constant re
trenchment and self-denial which would
deprive life of everything which makes
it worth living for. Economy in France,
more than in uny other country, means
a utilization of what Americans throw
away, but it does not mean a pinching
process of reducing life to a barren ex
istence of work and bread and water.—
Exchange,
The Ague.
“ Speaking of chills,” said tho gentle
man from Arkansas, borrowing a match
from the train boy. “I had oueat home
oncet that was away up in G. Stopped
a train, that chi!' did."
They crowded around to hear the par
ticulars.
“ You see, they turned me out of the
town and run me off the turnpike, so I
took to the railroad, and I shook it up
so the through express had to wait until
I got over it.”
“ Right smart of a chill, that,” as-
gentleman from Louisiana.
“Had ’em myself; but I only delayed a
train a little while.”
The gentleman from Arkansas eyed
him, but declined to ask any questions.
“ fell us!” shouted the chorus.
“Well,” said the gentleman from
Louisiana, with a glance at the gentle
man from Arkansas, “they ran up to
where I was shaking, and found they
couldn’t get past.”
“ What did they do?”
“ All hands turned out and tunneled
right through it,” replied the Louisiana
-uiTtn, “and in the spring the icicles hung
down from the roof of that chill so thick
and so strong that they had to blast
them out before they could transact any
bus —!”
But Ihe Arkansas man was climbing
over the tender toward the cab, anil
even the chorus lost interest in the rest
of the details. — Drake's Magazine.
PITH AND POINT.
—Fannie: You are right. It is hotter
to return a kiss for a blow; and a great
deal swootcr.— Christian at Work.
—There are some peoplo so oaton up
with curiosity that thoy would turn a
rainbow to seo what color its back is.—
N. Y. IlcraUl.
—One reason why the girls won’t
kiss tho oigarotto-smoker is booauso his
fneo is so pale and sallow. Ho doosn’t
look healthy.— Trenton (rV. J.) Times.
—W hoover doubts that tho newspa
pers have a mission should ontor a car
and see how useful they are to tho
men when a fat woman with a big bas
ket is looking around for a seat.—Low
ell Citi-.cn.
—A lunatic in charge of his kooper,
while stopping aboard a train tho other
day, stepped on a banana-peel and slid
under the ear. “Ah!” exolaimed the
keeper, “I am like a disabled locomo
tive, for I’vo slipped my eccentric.”
—“Detrain” is anew word in use in
England. When a body of soldiers
alight from railway cars they “detrain."
Pretty soon the papers will teem with
“dehoreeoar,” “deomnibus,” “dehaok,"
“deoanalboat," and so forth.— Chicago
Ilcrald.
—Minister Hannibal llamlln is homo.
Minister John Russell Young is coming
home, and Minister Sargent wants to
come. Somehow the glitter of foreign
courts never can take the place of
American buckwheat cakes and pump
kin pies in tho winter season.— Philadel
phia News.
—Little Willie, son of Mrs. Jennie
Jones Cunningham, has been quite ill
for some time, and sleepless and suffer
ing. The other night,, “in tho still,
small hours," he suddenly repeated his
prayer, and then said, “Grandmamma,
ask God not to lot tho night bo so long!”
—Louisville Courier-Journal.
—A rare pleasure—
Docp on tho country roads tho snow
1 8 sparkling to tno moon,
While, lleckod with loam, the swift steeds
go.
Spurning tlio streets of ice below.
And, huddled up in soft, warm fur,
Quite hidden from the traveler,
Tho lovers softly spoon,
O. what is so rare
Asa ride in a sleigh
With a maiden fair,
And none to say nay?
—“Morning! Cold aa blazes's morn
ing,” greeted a business man yesterday.
“Pretty cold, certainly; but why utter
such an absurdity as ‘cold as blazesP*
Blazes are hot, you know.” “What
would you sayP” “Oh, say it's
oold enough to freeze two dry rags
together, or something of that sort.”
The lesson In etymology being over,
both passed on. —Boston Olobe.
BITS OF INFORMATION.
At St. Petersburg there aro 90,000
more males than females.
Trie first mills in England for turning
grindstones were set up at Sheffield.
Op 512 death sentences in England
und Wales, for a period of twenty years
ending with 1880, but 279 were exe
cuted.
London haß 5,805 hansom cabs aud
3,817 four-wheelers. Tho former have
increased 2,510 since 1871, while the
latter have decreased 67fi. About half
tho cabbies have been grooms or coach
men, aud tho rest clerks, shopmen,
tradesmen, artisans and brokon-down
persons of various conditions.
Taken by States the Postoffloe De
partment is self-sustaining only iu
Alaska, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois,
Maine, Massachusetts, Michigan, Now
Hampshire, New Jersey, New York.
Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and Wis
consin. In the other thirty-five States
and Territories tho expenditures are
greatly in excess of the receipts.
The amounts derived from the liquor
tax anil licenses in 1880 in the great
cities of tho United States are as fol
lows :
Liquor Tax. Licenses.
Now York $453,462.46 $ 89,396.18
Philadelphia 30,680.26 41,413.01
Chicago 368,740.00 82,420.67
HL Louis 187,253.61 80,241.20
Boston 258,394.00 9,451.00
Han Francisco 188,960.00 108,809.00
Baltimore 109,919.36
Cincinnati 18,276.75
The Spaniards visiting Canada pre
vious to tho French, and finding no gold
or silver, which they were in search of,
often said among themselves, “Aon aila”
—“there is nothing here.” The Indians
learned this sentence and its meaning.
When the French arrived, the Indians,
supposing they had eomo for treasures,
repeated to them the Spanish sentence.
Tho French supposed this incessantly
recurring sound was tho name of the
country, and gavo it tho name of “ Can
ada,” which name it has sinco homo.
Thu seven wise men generally given
nro Solon, Clrilo, Pittocus, Bias, Peri
arnlor (in place of whom some give Epi
menidos), Cleobulus and Thales. They
wero tiro authors of tho celebrated mot
toes inscribed in later days in the Del
phian Temple. These mottoes wero as
follows: Know thyself.— Solon. Con
sider the end.— Chilo. Know thy op
portunity.—Pitlaeus. Most men are
had.— llia*. Nothing is impossible to
industry.— Periander. Avoid excesses.
— Cleobulus. Suretyship is the pro
cursor of ruin.— Thales.
The “Mississippi bubble” was the
“South sea scheme” of France, projected
by John Law, a Scotohman. It was so
called because tho projector was to have
tho exclusive trade of Louisiana, on tho
Mississippi, on condition of his taking
on himself tho national debt (incorpo
rated 1717, failed 1720). The debt was
£208,000,000 sterling. Law made him
self solo creditor of this debt, and was
allowed to issue ten times the amount
in paper money, anil to open tho " Roy
al Bank of Franco ” empowered to issue
this paper currency. Immediately the
paper money was at a discount, a run on
tho bonk set in, and tho whole sohemo
snrst.
How a Judjc Checked Perjury.
A Danish colonial magistrate, for
whose exceptional character and ability
we can vouch, once made a grimly
comic experiment in this direction and
upon Ibis principle: Ho was appalled
by the endless perjuries committed in
cases before him, determined to stop
them, and did. He, of course, said
nothing of his method, hut an English
friend seated beside him on the bench
noticed that whenever a witness told a
palpable lie he jumped.
lie asked the reason, and tho magis
trate, after a caution, revealed his
secret: “My orderly stands behind tho
witness, and whenever 1 put my left
hand to my car that indicates that tho
evidence is false, and ho runs a pin into
him.” It is a well-known fact to the
many who will recognize this story that
the - sting of conscience” in this ma
terial form proved effectual, ami that
the magistiate, who died honored
throughout Denmark, in three years
tm ned an Alsatia into one of the most
orderly and law-abiding of communi
ties. Ho could always get tho truth.—
London Spectator.
—The ocean front at Long Branoh has
been washing away so fast that property
iwners there are building bulkheads
md jetties to savo their property.