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THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
WHAT WK KINO IN TIIKM TO HMII.K
IITKK.
ASK VOtTB I'AKTOII.
Burdette, of the Burlington Hnu'kqft,
gives the* following advice and ex
(xericnec: "Fill yotir homo with beauty.
People ought to live in every room in
the house. I have built a great many
bonaee—on paper, and I am at it yet.
1 would avoid the spare room. It is
cold and damp. There is nothing in a
spare room that will burn. 1 have often
tried to warm a lied in a spare room, but
always failed; If yon have any doubt
about the Rpare room ask your pastor;
he. knows all about it.”
A noon sest'RNiiKß.
Speaking of dress reminds mo of a
story I once beard al>ont Horace
Oreeley. The old Trihnnr philosopher
waa peculiarly sensitive about any ref
erenda to hia attire, the slovenliness of
which would have attracted attention
almost anywhere. On one occasion, just
as he wasulamt leaving the ofliec to at
tend a political loclure, the Albany
correspondent, an old friend whom
Oreeley had sent up the river to write
rubbishy letters in order to l>o out of
the way, entered. His eyes detected
something wrong in the editor's rear.
“Excuse me, Mr. Oreeley,” he said
hesitatingly, “but—your sus|>ender is
hanging down lielow your overcoat.
You can't go out on the stroct in that
way,”
“ Confound your impudence ! ”
si peak's! Horace, with a face as red as
a lobster. “Never you mind my bus
pander. It's a blamed sight better than
your Albany correspondence, anyway."
The modeller vanished, utterly enni
hiiatod.
HUB WATI iIKO ANfi WAITKI) KOI) DIM.
They were an old couple coining East
by the Michigan Central. When the
blwkemnn announced, “ Marshall
twenty minutes for dinner!" they Imth
left the oar and entered the eating
house. They hits I scarcely scaled them
aelvoi at the table when the husband
look out Ins old-fashioned bull's-eye
watch, squinted at the time and passed
it to his wife with the remark.
“Now, I'll eat and you hold the watch,
and if we get left it'll all bn your fault.
Hing out at the end of eighteen minits.”
And the good-natured old wife sat
there without eating a mouthful and
limed him while ho pitch-forked every
thing within reach into hiu stomach,
he trait t'rrr Pnu a.
IIKHOIO TRMATMP.NT.
“Oh, you better talk!” exclaimed
Mrs. Smith to her lord and master, who
was joking her tijinn her “running after
him.” “You know you were dead in
love with me, and it was only because 1
was afraid you’d sicken and die that 1
took compassion on you.” “Well," re
plied Hmilh, “if l did love you so des
perately, you cured me, dearest. I'll
give- you that credit; but it was the hero
iecst, kind of heroic treatment."— lluhloh
/Wonnripb
A CONSIDERATE HIIICIOI.
If Col. Bluford in more prooino alxmt
*ni(i thing than another, it in hie razor.
H<' ia ho (mitioiilai* about it that he line
aliniwt come to the eoiiolindon not to al
low himself even to Hue it on hia own
chin on Hnmbiy*. Bluford wont off fish
ing a few weeks ago, mnl while lie waa
gone liia partner, who waa also Ilia room
male, committed Biiicide. The Colonel
wm asked l.v lelegrapli to return. He
came hack ns faat n.s lie could. Meeting
a friend at the depot, tie asked hi a voieo
husky with emotion :
" Ik it a fact that my partner has com
mitted suicide ?"
“Yes ; he was Viuried llna morning."
The blanched face of Bluford lio'nmr
more blanched than ever. Ilis voice
Bounded unnatural aa lie wliisjicrcd
hoarsely :
“ How did lie do it ?’’
“ Morphine."
“ Thank Heaven ! ” erieil BJuford fall
ing. "My razor iH safe ; but I might,
have known it would lie, for George was
one of the most considerate men. I s|iall
always revereliis memory." t'o.r'tt Dn
inyu.
WHAT HOYS mi>.
There lire home queer things alxmt
Ixiys. Here is Johnny, the bou of hin
der and indulgent parents, who couldn't
eat any breakfast the other morning lie
cause of wliiit he considered the gross
inoom potency of the cook. Nothing
could unit him the breakfast was cooked
hxi much, there was hxi much saleratus
in the biscuits and he snifled suspiciously
nl the milk, and being assured liy hie
mother that it was good, swallowed it un
der protest. Then he went out to play,
it being a holiday, and hunted tip some
other spirits like himself, and they
all set out to enjoy themselves. In pur
suance of a plan then and there formed,
one of them went home and got Bridget
to give him some flour ; a second wont to
s neighlxiring bakery and bought a yeast
cake, and others contributed salt, butter
end various other articles of the sort that
seemed to them necessary. Then they
went into a hack lot and with a barrel
head for a moulding-hoard and a base
ball hat for a rolling-pin, prepared a cer
tain nondescript s)x>eies of flat cake, into
which they incorporated all the ingredi
ents which they had managed to pur
chase, borrow or steal, and they built up
an oven of bricks and built a tire therein
and baked the composition on the top of
an old piece of sheet-iron which they o| -
ixirtunely chanced upon. And when the
thing was halted to their liking they
had to pry it off the iron with Bill Thom
son’s jackknife—they all partook thereof
withgreat delight and said it was “bully,"
and they wished they had such grub as
that at home. And the fastidious
.Tohnny alxjve referred to quite outdid
all his companions in voracity and loud
expressions of approval.
A BROOKLYN ALDERM AN’S ORATORY.
Tho orator of the occasion was a
Brooklyn alderman. As ho stood up to
address the audience he pulled down his
vest, readjusted his shirt collar and
threw back the lappets of his coat, dis
playing the noble ohest to great ad van-
I age. One of his fellow mcmltcrs could
not refrain from audibly noting his re
semblance to a Greek stvtue. His
s|>cech, which was liberally applauded,
concluded ns follows:
“Gentlemen, you have heard that
fiord Nelson exclaimed at the battle of
I,ake Erie, 1 Give me death or Axmiu
ster Abbey!’ But, gentlemen, I don't
want none of your abbeya. When I
die, givo me a niche in the patent office
of American statesmen.”
thk Dttna.
The Dude bus hitherto lieM without a
national anthem, lint it seems as if that
were supplied fn the chorus of a London
wo should say Lniinou—song, which is
as follows :
Oh, (hat's tlin way io tlac /.no, (list's tbe way to
the Zoo
Tlie monkey lioiiae Is ralhfi felt, hut there*,
risen enough for yon ;
Then take a Ims to Itegent's Park, make hanti)
la-hive it shuts,
Amt on Monday I will visit you and tiring you
plenty of nuts.
Thk t heory so alilyadvanoed by some
of ou res teemed contemporaries that the
floodsare due to the denuding of our for
ests i- Tint without its effect. A tramp re
fused to saw wood for his dinner, giving
as a lemon that he was bitterly opposed
to the destruction of oUr forests, and
would do nothing to encourage that kind
of business. And he walked off (licking
his teeth. Cincinnati Ene/uirer.
A Money. Making Memory.
George Harding, Esq., the distin
guished patent lawyer, is remarkable tor
a retentive memory.
A short while ago Mr. Harding rode
down to Wall street, New York, in a
Broadway omnibus. A beautiful young
lady got, in ami handed fifty cents to tlio
attorney, requesting him to please hand
it to the driver.
“With pleasure," said Mr. Harding,
at the same time passing the fifty cents
up through the hole to the stage man.
The driver made the change and
handed forty oentsback to Mr. Harding,
who quietly put it away into his vest
pocket and want on reading a mowing
machine brief.
Then oil Was silence.
The young lady began to look nerv
ously at Mr. Harding for her change.
"Can it be possible that this is one of
those polite confidence men we read of
in’books?” she thought to herself.
Then she looked up timidly and naked
Mr. Hurtling something about the
Brooklyn Kerry.
“Ob, the boats run very regular
every three minutes,” replied the in
terrupted lawyer, trying to smile. Then
he went on reading his brief.
“Do the boats run from Wall street
to Astoria V" continued the young lady.
“I don’t know, nnulanie,” ropliid
Mr. H., petulantly; "I'm not a resident
of New York; I’m a Philadelphian.”
“Ah I yes”—ftlien n silence).
Mr. Harding again buried himself in
his brief, while the young lady ahemed,
and asked him what the fare was in New
York BtagcH.
“Why, ten oents, madamc -ten cents. ”
“But I gave you fifty cents to give to
the driver,” interrupted tlie young lady,
“and- "
"Didn't he return your change I Is
it (KMsihlc ? Here, driver I" the lawyer
continued, dropping tlie brief and pull
ing the atrap violently, “why tho dick
ens don’t you give the lady her forty
cents, sir, forty cents?"
“I did give tier tlie change. t gave
forty cents to you, and you put it in
your pocket," shouted tbe driver.
“Tome?" said Mr. Harding, feeling
in his vest pocket,, from w hich his finger
brought out four-ten cent pieces. "Gra
cious goodness, madamo ! I beg 10,000
pardons; but but—"
“Oh, never mind," said the lady, eying
him auspiciously ; "you know a lady in a
w icked city like New York has to look
out for herself. It's no matter—it wasn't
the forty cents ; but before I left home
mother cautioned mo against polite con
fidence men, who look so good outside,
but—”
“Goodness gracious! my dour wu
miui!” exclaimed Mr. Harding, while all
the passengers eyed him with suspicion.
"1 assure you
Hut the stugo stopped and the young
Indy, holding hint to her portemonuaio,
got out and (led into the Custom House,
while Mr. Harding went on tilling up in
this form :
“Goodness gracious I Did you ever?
O Lord ! wind shall 1 do?" etc.
The lawyer got so excited that lie went
hack to Philadelphia in a hurry. He
even forgot to take ft hig fee in a mow
ing machine case. He says he'd
rather pay SIO,OOO than to let the Phila
delphia fellows get hold of the story.—
Philadelphia linn.
A Now York City.
K. .1, Burdette, the humorist, in a re
cent letter gives the following very cor
rect characterization of the city of Bodi
es ter:
“A city of beautiful homes, broad
streets, and lovely drives, with its own
famous cataracts and cascades right in
the corporation limits, a city that grinds
more family flower anil raises flowers for
more families than any other place on
the continent, a city that graduates
Baptist ministers every year and natu
rally has its thoughts turned heaven
ward so constantly that it wings more
comets every year than any other city
can hear of in double the time, a city
with one little iursery containing 1,000
acres, and numerous others too small to
mention; the home of the famous
nursery; the home of the Powers build
ing; the land of the Arcade; the city of
the Rochester Baptist Theological Semi
nary and the Genesee Falls, the two
grout water-powers; a city whereof more
citizens own ther homes, it is justly
claimed, than iu any other city of the
same size in America; a city full of beau
ty and hospitality and business; this is a
bird's-eye view of Rochester."
Mamma: “Charlie, what in the world
ire you doing—sitting on Willie’s head ?"
Charlie: “We’re playing horse, mamma,
and he's got tumbled down, and Pve got
to sit on his head until he’s quiet. But
he won't keep quiet,”
THE BOX MARCHE.
A PIIII.ANTItRHPK I'NUP.MtAk INti IN
PAIUM.
An RatnhlUhmml thnl PrrUa. Hhelter*. and
Id urn lr It* Kmployre*.
From tlm Faibton Otarttf.)
Almost everyone knows this wonder
ful dry goods store of Paris, but I think
not many know that it is a benevolent
Work as Well ns a successful business un
dertaking. Mb Houcieniit, the founder,
hi Ran life as a jsior boy, anil when able
to have a little store of his own his atten
tion was directed to the welfare of his
clerks, anil he gave them, as soon as he
was side, a home in his own house.
I’riim this small beginning the work lias
grown wonderfully. Mr. Bouoioaut died
a few ycarsago, worth millions of dollars,
and to-day tho " Hon Marche,’’ Carried
on by Jiis widow, employs 0,001) people.
Two thousand of those people live In
the building, Mid the A,tKN) take their
meals them. The first thing to IHe no
ticed by a party making a tour of in
spection of this great concern is a large
hull (till'd with desks, Where a great
many boys and young men are studying
bookkeeping. They review at I (tie books
of the store, and ore pstid a small amount
for every mistake they find. In the
evening lessons are given gratuitously to
the employees in English, German, in
strumental and vocal music, and fencing.
Concerts are given by the store in sum
mer, in the square by the side of the
building; in winter, on the ground floor,
which can lie cleared by the porters in
twenty minutes of counters and goods,
when it is needed for that pUrposo or for
balls. There are four dining rooms, one
for the men clerks, one for the girls, one
for tho workmen, and one for the porters,
messengers, and drivers.
The menu for dinner of one day con
sisted of soup, one kind of meat, our
kind of vegetables, and dessert, and foi
each person a half bottle of wine. Coffee
is extra; it costs two cents for a small
cup and three cents for the large ones.
Throe hundred (ample are employed in
the kitchen and as waiters in the dining
rooms, The kettles tine immense, three
feet high, and no man could meet his
arms round one of them. Of course,
when full and hot, they are beyond the
ability of man to move, so pulleys are
arranged which lift the kettles from the
fire and (dace them where they Bre
wanted. For the clerks there Is a room
for amusements, where there are billiard
tables, chess, checkers, dominoes, etc.,
but no card playing.
Tho lady clerks have a pleasant little
parlor, where there is a piano, ami where
they can spend their evenings when they
choose. Each girl has a room entirely
to herself, which is plainly but very
comfortably furnished. There are rules
to tie observed tiy all, but they are not
burdensome or oppressive; the doors are
not closed on Week days Until 11, and on
Sundays Until )2) at night, tint the oc
cupations nnd enterlaimments make it
more enticing to remain at home than to
go out. Every one in the aervioe of the
“8011 Marche” receives a certain com
mission on everything sold or delivered,
and after a certain number of years' ser
vice each acquires an interest in the
store that increases yearly.
It is one of the most complete workH
of benevolence known. It would lx*
utmost, im|H>.ssitile to think of any details
that are not attended to. There is a
harbors' shop in thebuildiug for tlie use
of tho employees, a physician is em
ployed by the store, and his services are
free to all; moreover, there Ih an infirm
ary in another part of the city where
those who are sick re cared for ; a
pair of boots is blacked for every mem
tier of tlie establishment every day.
When asked if any hoard was paid the
answer xvas “no," but I suppose at least
some difference is made in the salarvs.
Adelaide Phillipps.
Mrs. Waterston has written a warm
and tender “record” of the virtuous and
lovely character of Adelaide Rhillipps.
She was without any kind of pretension,
and slio tells very little of tile adven
tures or romances of her life. Amusing
mishaps she made the l>ost of, and rather
enjoyed. For a concert in n country
town she had one day packed her dress
in a champagne basket, tied up with
green ribbons. After tea she opened the
basket in order to dress, and found to
her dismay that it contained high boots,
rough coat and the rest of the habili
ments of some man who, oddly chough,
had packed his clothes in ft champagne
basket tied with green ribbons. There
wns nothing to bo dose but to brush up
her traveling dress and send an apology
to the audience, who, however, ap
plauded her warmly, even in her black
silk. In 1870 Miss rhillipps joined the
Ideal Opera Company, under the direc
tion of Miss E. 11. Ola'r, and remained
in it until Deoemlver, 1881, when she
made her last appearance on the stage in
Cincinnati. Her friend writes of her that
“she never swerved from - the straight
and narrow way in which sue walked as
a woman. She sacrificed worldly pros
perity to principle, and although she
was a conscientious artist, her heart
was iu her personal life, her home, and
with those friends whom she loved.”
Her home had been ftinot 1880 on n farm
in Marshfield, which was bought for her
brother. Energetic and buoyant as her
temperament was she could not conquer
the illness which increased so much that
she went abroad again in August, 1882,
to take the w aters at Carlsbad, and there
she died in the October following. Her
body was brought home, and after fu
neral services, which were held at King's
Chapel in Bostou, on October 25, 1882,
n was taken to Marshfield to the quiet
country burying ground there. The im
pression made by this memoir is that c f
a truly good, generous, tender hearted
w.'maii, who hud great gifts and used
them well. —Boston Advertiser.
New 1 ore pays 37,000,000 a year for
its religion and $22,000,000 for its drinks,
which gives to show that New York is
having more fun in this world than it
will in the next, —Rochester Kxpress.
A SCIENTIFIC IHMCDvfcRY;
A Nr* mid Miyi i rttvelrl oat Tkri'f >
nfllw- Moil Vllnl l|llroK„f ft, llh On*.
If any bnß had informed Cfaeen Elizabeth
in tier palmiest days that she could have been
seated in her palace in London and oonvi rand
with Sir Walter Kaleigh in Ins North Caro
linahomo; receivings reply from mm with li ll (
sn hour’s time, "he would have declsM It (and
Ire S ntitarim Atld yet, HAd tht-y lived in the
present day, This apparent miracle would
most readily have Ireett witnessed nnd no
seem at all strung" or uUnutnrn . la f truth
is, new principles Are eomlng into cxi-l* neb,
and the npersMolt rtf many laws unknown in
the past is being fully understood in the
present. lb no way does tins fact come more
forcibly to tlie mind than in the erne rind
treatment of the human body. Millions of
people have died in past ages from some
significant or easily controlled cause *ln
is thoroughly understood now and readily
handled, (kmsumption during the snUro past
has been considered an Inimra'ile ihsease.
And yt it i demonstrated that it hits In * n
and can he cured, even after it has had s long
run. Dr. Felix Oswald his jut wihtrih n. and
a imlaHle articlo OB thW.suH ei t to the / n,ni
l,tr Vnntlilif. lie regards consump
tion As pulinohary scroifflA. Th unNuniiefl
of the hlodd produte i a ooUstant IniMtion in
the lungs; thus destrdyirtg thei** do icate tis
sues and UansiHg dfcatlr. His theory shows
hoftclirtlveW that cdnsumplmn is a blood dis
ease. It has ils Origin primarily mad ranged
conditidn of the kulneya or litar.the only two
organs of thb body. nide from the lungs, that
purify the lilood. " heU tl e kidneys or liver
are diseased they are in a sore or !ae-erat*'d
state, which coinmnnioates poison to every
ounce of blood thnt passes through them.
Thin poiponou® blood through the
And homes to the luntfs, where the
poison in deported, causing decomposition
in the finely formed wll® of the louff*. Any
dieeanod pnrt of the lody has cont immoting
power, nnd yet the blood, which is the life of
the system, is bronslit into direct contact
with these poiaoned organs, thn* Currying
oontngion to nil parts of tlie body. Rishop
Je**eT. Peck, D. I)., LL.D-, whoso death his
been ho recently regretted, in reported to have
died of pneumonia, which mi lioal adthori
ties affirm iudicatea a dineaaed condition of
th® kidney* 4 ' tt ifl w*!l mHredjfrj
tlmt for Mhrtttal year® nd had been the victim
of nevefe kidttfty trdnble, ttnd thi* pneumonia
which ft nelly terminated hil life wrt* only the
lust reAiilt Hi the pr&vioii* Kldod poiftoiiitig.
The deadly matter which to left in the 1 ingn
by the impure blood clor® up and finally
chokes the patient. When this i* accom
pli* lied rapidly it Ucalled pneuii)' n a or quirk
consumption: when ulowly, consumption, h it
in any event it in the reault of impme blood,
calined by diseased fcidney* and liver.
Tncse are fact* of science, nnd vouched for
by nil t!ie leading pli)eician® pf theda\ Th *
show the deflirabllity nay; the iieceanity, of
keeping thine moat important organ-* in |er
feet condition, not only to inaare health, but
alao toeaenpedenth. It has be n fully nhown,
to the satisfaction of ne rlv every unprejn
diced mind, that Warner’® KHfe Kidney and
Liver Cure is the only kwotku remedy tint
can cure and keep in health the great t 100 I
purifying orguns of tho body. It ads di ectly
njnm those member-, healing all nb'ers which
may have formed in them, and placing them
in a condit on to purify and not poison the
blood. Thi® n no idle stap-ment nor f;d e
theory. Mr. W. ('■ Beach, foreman of th •
Buffalo fN.Y.) Rubber Type Foundry, whs
given up to die by both phyaiciati* and friend®.
For four years he had n terrible e*>ugh. ac
companied by night swettfs. Chil’f*. and all the
well known symptolrts. Me spc tit a season
Houth and lounl no relief He says: •• 1
finally conclui'O Ito t r> VVarneFs Hub 1 Cure,
and in three months I gained tweiity pounds,
recovered my but energy and my he dth wu**
fuMy ie*tored.” The li t codlil be prolong;: I
indefinitely, but enough Im* beell -;tid to prove
to every suffered from pul inoHic troubles that
there is no rertson til bb di cotlrag*d in the
least, and that health can be icstoitU.
Substitute fiir Stammering.
A recent addition to the Newsboys’
Hotlie in Philadelphia is a bright-look
ing lad wild hails from Syracuse, N. Y.,
and glories in the name of Michael
Connelly. Michael is probably among
the moat remarkable whistlers of the
age. He whistles every time he opens
his month to speak, and frequently is
eomjielled tn whistle after every Word he
utters, “ft just scchis like I’d bust if
I don't Whistle/’ he remarked to a
A 'cctira reporter yesterday afternoon,
and he whistled no less than four times
in saving it. The lad ih a professional
itinerant bootblack, who has seen the
country from Chicago to Boston, and
knows all the smart wavs of his genus.
He was taught to whistle ns a cure for
a most sggrnvating ease of stuttering.
Ho violent were the attacks that Michael
would lie thrown Into convulsions when
he attempted to speak; and lie declares
thnt several limes he was nearly strangled
to death in making efforts to talk. One
day two years ago a friendly customer
suggested that he should whistle before
lie attempted to speak, mid see how fur
that would relieve him. Tho laiy tried
tlie whistling euro, and tlie effect was
so gratifying, and afforded such relief,
that he adopted the practice, and con
tinued it until it became a habit, His
stuttering linn almost entirely disap
is'iired, but the result has been that he
cannot begin to frame a sentence until
he lifts relieved himself by a soft, low
whistle, which is repeated every few
seconds. If he says “Thank you, sir,"
lie whistles three times, once before,
once in the middle, and once at tlie end
of the sentence.
The Farmer ami the Squire’s I‘oacock'.
The London Kvho tells this story ot
the troubles to which the English formei
is subjected:
“There was a large nud sympathetic
gntlii ring ot Devonshire farmers recent
ly at Peamore, on the occasion of the
sale of the stock of 51 r. dames Baker,
who has been compelled to quit Ids farm,
owing, it is alleged, to his having com
plained of the destruction o'f his crop*
and damage to his farm by a flock of
forty peacocks kept by the landlord, Mr.
Trehawke Kelewieh, and of the unduly
large number of rabbits which were al
lowed on the land. Mr. Baker has had
the holding for twenty-three years, and
it has Iveen in the hands of his family for
half a century. Since the present land
lord came in possession the jveaeoeks
have been allowed to wander over the
farm, feeding on the food given to the
cattle. The rabbits last year totally de
stroyed a field of eleven acres of wheat,
causing the farmer serious loss. Appli
cation was made for compensation, but
nothing came of it. Three days tiefore
Lady-Day a further conversation took
place about the rabbits, and the agent
told the farmer that he might kill them
in any way he pleased. The tenant ex
pressed himself content with this, but
three days afterward the landlord gave
him six months' notice to quit. The
farm is in a high state of cultivation, and
although Mr, Baker will be entitled to
compensation as between out going and
and incoming tenant, it is estimated
that he will lose fully £SOO by having to
quit.
A retirelv vocalist, who had acquired
a largo fortune by marriage, was asked
to sing in company. “Allow rue," sui.l
he, “to imitate the nightingale, which
does not sing after it has made its nest,"
BunpAt IVtrißNiNd.—'file mill binds ol
Lawrence are prone to sleep late on
Hunday morning, alter their week of
hard labor. The Rev. Mr. Miles tells
them that they do right. “Men nnd
women who work early and late sit doyfl
WE n'd ftobte Christians uccaiise they afo
llecpy on Sunday. ”
A Rrllr of the War.
Dr. E. Warrep. the eminent physician,
lute Purveyor funeral, (*. 8. A., how a
practitioner in Paris and widely-known
throughout the South, wrote officially:
“Dr. Worthington’s Cholera and Diar
rhoea Medicine has long ago enjoyed a
high reputation, both in and out of the
Army." Other physician® of high stand*
ing rocotntnend it, and with such endorse
ment it is recognized as a sovereign cure.
A ttm nnt dictate of fashion is impor*
I'lfll t“ all married mi tli Ilia that slltalj
cliei ks Will ini fill regal lor s(iriiiß and
kUtohif 1 Silk dresses. It generally takt s
mit'lr largo tillecks*.
I,i'll' . A chijclmT* Iskilm A siiovs (.n't rnn
(iver if l.yoiTs PaU-nt Hi tl Htiffciicrs an. uwil.
IiETAJ.iATiON. -A wnallington dls
(istcU says that an Act of Congress sus
ismding tlie importAtidn of German
wines into the United States may yet lie
neeesssry liefnre tile German authorities
will lie convinced that American (Kirk is
wholesome food.
r.ron, recovering from wailing di,ea.e,
meh mslarm, fever., ete . will he greatly
benefited h, u Ine B 'i Iron Hitter.'.
A vot-.so lady a(*plying for a situation
as teacher in tipenoer County, Ky., in
reply to a question Said: “I ain't milch
of a nrithmolicket, hut #m an elegant
.ramtn.ir
HHsn+oe, ky. Itev. deek lire
''l.hfive it.fl Brown*. Iron B tier, end c n
si-ler it one oi *(i* h- t tentel "olj.”
There is iiardly an American who
docs not ache to become n champion of
some sort. That's the why some men
|am nil their wives and others get drunk
It’s tlie only field in which they can
slime. —Octroit h'n* /Vox.
Cofit nt * Pa P. v. .1 ft *i hioe
"I wai (lantix "1 in my riel t *ide. theme
of Brown'* Iron Bitter*ens iled me to *!'*. '
Tire Senate lias reduced tlie tariff on
liarlied xxire fencing, hut that won't help
the farmer's ldred man liny, lie wants
the liarlis filled down nnd a cushion ar
ranged every twenty rods along the top
wire. ■
“ |)r. Benson's Celery- nnd Chamomile Pill*
nro worth their weight in gold in nervous nnd
tick headache.”—Dr. Schliehtcr, Biltnnorr.
Only one newspaper man out "f every
sixty-foltr over lias ft sharp knife, but
only one lawyer oht of every one htui
druii and twenty carries a lead pencil.
How ttiui h better it is lo m a newspaper
mrttl.
“Pour Skin Cure : < mjiri-e.rrellriil. II -
foul no inn in V l l'lUlihlrr's roiii-wnnn, W'fitVf.
trill lillriiil nit ill tt her Mill/.” Mr-. I'.. I.
D, Mrrr ri'n. It'ne Bill, Mi-A. Druggist*
l.sep It. AI per paefert re.
AVmp.m r fellow gets a letter for his wife
lint Ilf the Pod Oftioe and he forgets to
give it to her for a week or so, the safest
wav to let her have it Is to tic it on tie
end of a (ring flailing pole and poke jt
through llie window to hefi
*■*• ll*re. N *.' Mm,
thfit tfirt of mine i* twice a* handsome son
*he cotnmenunl usintf t’arboline, thedwodor
i/cd extract of Petroleum, and I would not
he without it for a fortune
“Mr.an,” snitl the IVxaH man of hi*
neighbor. “Wh*, there lun’t a drop of
the to ilk of liftman kindMisa in that towns
ltodjf. He’s got a dog tlnvt'a an elegant
matVh fur ..Tonkas hull pup and he won’t
let ’chi tigtii.
fall Ml Tine.
This preparat'on. compounded from the
formula of a ce!©'>rat©d physician, is highly
recommended lo ladies who suffer from tin
pleasant feelmg* after eating. 1 hrugsi*t*.
Therk'h nothing more disgusting to a
hoy than to follow n fire engine half a
mile up a long hill under the impression
that lie’s going to a tire only to find that
they are taking the machine to he re
pair Pin
A Hnimrkfililf Tribute.
Rainer Ourohumho, of PittHburg, Fa., writ**.
‘•I have ued Dr. Win. Hall * BaWm for tie
Litnga many yearn, with the moat gmtifyiiig r* -
milt*. The relieving mtha n< * of Hal]'* Itaianni
i> wonderful. The pain and lie k<f the l*ody.
iacitUnta) to a tight cough, a<-en diaappcar l\
the line of a ►p*onful acrordinj; to **i* * -tit.ns
My wife always *• n'in for Hall s Balaam ,* 1
of a physician.''
Hr. (trrm’fi Owantnteri Rliipm.
in tin* ohlcat and bud remedy f>r I>VH|wpsia.
Hihoiibin mi, AlaUrni. Indigi at ion, all riihor.k i
of the Stomach, and all (livhm* itidirating an
impure condition of the Blood, Kiditcvs. and
Li ver*
It was an enterprising sight to see
a no wallop down in the tjoltoins trailing
around up to his knees in water shout
ing: “Here’s your paper, all about the
flood !”
Dr.Worthingtdns
fossae
GREAT^^^^j
■HOLERA IRAMP
liARRHOE&fIURE
■ JBF
over years
• !'• ini'llv for < hnlcru. IHrrhr*.
|lventerv. aHmmcrCnmpluliii. . r '
, ;:d Vt, r , 1„, r.-. W.-t lb- lr■
I-**.’ bv SurnwO'-Ocacral C- S. A. KeconimcndM by <*/•
Warren Purvernr-(lnrr*l . Hon Kenneth Katner. SoHellnr
l S Treasury. and other*. Price. *> civ Sold
... I iicxi-tx onlr genuine if i)urnm"t blown in K • . hoi.
A
uniiup Airy i \mi waul tM|.w\meTFl/K<iRAPH
TUUrIU IfILHoFFK A TORS anti t“* git-tr nf e*l
eraplv'jmeal. *ddr*ss I*. W. KtA ll* Ada. Ohio
•CP a >w* tn yoar own town I *ruin and if* oattll
COu ira*. Add row H. HaLUTT *Oo.. Portland. Ms
]<) A WF.rx, fiaaday at homAMXst.yniJWla.
outfit fr*. Aadrosa TRUE 4 00.. Attuata. Ma
AITIIITIAKC funiifhM teachers A, T.‘<**V' V ;
VITUATIUIiO form VAI pv ot -
O.T..uroal*’ beat for \ Nntiniinl
Hchool > nurcau* h.j l i.tt. A.,la.iisi in
\Stire Cara lor Kpllemy or nu in 34 aourj. rTwe w>
poor. Dr. Kruse. >44 Arsenal at.. St. Lorn*. Mo.
AC KVTS W V NTKD f. -r the R-t end Y n -t- • lhn*r
Pictorial B--*k> and Bihkss. Prw*H nnliuwo ivs ier
wnt. National Pubus^inuCo.. AtUnu- ua.
Mensfman's peptonized beei tonic, the
only preparation of beef eont.ioiog It. tn
tirt nutritious properties. It "Oil tains blood
nxkinx, lorce-gener.tiug and )ife-*usUin
ing propeftie*; irvaluable for indixeitiun,
dyspepsia, nervohs prostratii n, and all
lorin* Of general debility; a'ioi ih all enfee
bled condition., whether the result of ex.
han.tion, neivou. prostration, over-work or
acnlo diseaa.n, partn ulariv if reetllting from
pulmonary complaint*; Caawatl, Hiard <St
Co.i Propri.tori, N. Y. Sold by druggists.
A New Device.— An Exchange says :
If your dog kills a chicken take the dead
bird, pass a leg each side of the dog’s
neck and tie the legs together. Then
let the dog run. After the chicken lias
been nbont his neck for a day or tw,
your chickens will never again be troubled
liy that dog.
Tli® ffn I nil,
Mr. C: H. IiBAfKB. of NOi Maifl Street.
Worcester, Miiss., volunteers tbe following'
“ Having rjccrtsion rbcentlv to use nremedy
fdr kidneV disear®. I rtpttlied to oly (lraffeist.
Mr. D. B. Williams, of liincoiU h(|uat®* this
city, and requested him to furnish me the
best kidney medicine thnt he knew of. nnd he
handed in® h bottie df Hunt's Remedy, stat
ing that it was considered the best I © ;ui*e
he had s -ld many bottles of it to his cus
tomer k iti Worcester, and they nil s|* *ak of it
in the highest terms, nnd pronounce it always
reliable. I todk the bottle home and com
mencod tftkin# it, ana find that it doe the
work effectually; and I am pleased to recom
mend to nil who have kidney or liver disease
the use of Hunt’s Remedy, the sure cure.”
April 11, IhmU.
Ue All May Ho.
Mr. Gkor< * A. UußDKrr, No. 10* Front
Htrcit, Worcester, Mr-- 4 ., has just sent ns the
fO’loWing. directly to the noint:
“ Being afflicted with aiiaietlta to which aff
humanity is subject sooner or InlOr, l i®*il
cafefully the Adv#rtiflem#nt rftffafding the re
markable ctlrative powrtlr® of Hunt's Remedy,
nnd as it shemed to apply to iny citsc exactly.
I purchased a bottle of the medicine at uatl
kery’fl
Qfed it with mo£t benelieia! result® iff rnyow rl
rase, my wife and son also commetWTd i*
nse, an(f it has most decidedly improved then
health, and we shall continue its nse in our
family under such favorable results.”
April 17. IMKt.
Driff uCfi Kvidenr*.
Mr. Gkoboe W. Hol/'iNb. druggist. I
and 131 ConjjrCxs Street, Troy. N. Y-. writes
April 7. IHW* ;
"I 4m cOiistantly Riling lluift’s Remedy
f>r di-eises of tbe kidneys. liver. Madder
ami urinary organs, to my trade and fricttds,
and find that it gives general satisfaction to
ill * ho u-e it.”
Trf* late Mr. Rindge hegdn his Busi
ness life hh au office Boy, ami (Bed worth
92,000,000; But the Boaton TranHcript
lyelieves tliat ninety-nine out < fa him
dred would rather Vagin worth £2,000,-
• HUI, ami run the risk of ending as an
office hoy,
Roanoke Cotton Press.
Thr Hcnl and t hrt|rwi Press initric.
Ont.N |(dn* IKm *h'*lV*r ••*. tl trelr ti in
• f-f Mai u* t l>* >t.ii -iif-wiii .-i n<l p <wt*r (fin • Mxk.**
nsiivy *> ifnv gin ejn tirk rit**
hew iin|*nri*m£nt .1! git! If rti*n's rtii -I mj ‘f w
<A Uhmi irtre*lnr->. fret- to nit. A'l'to* 11 t>i nffUr
lra \\ lirlis, ‘ IIAIT-VNO**..*. Tfnn . *r |{oaittiU*
I oil oil I’rcw ( ~ Rt ii syi ake, S. C
9 cans vintc all tut rAitt.
Ml Bail <xqtb fhrop Tataiwd g
TITTT ll’ AM WMISKKV IIA It ITS < TRKI)
OPIUM Ss 1 as
i \V* < . BKU.VMY, H. !>., . Mr* ad bTßtrr,
ATI* A NT A, GA
(t>nan it * i®■'■ *
: \/itablf>:Af o>t % >flpg bn<r*w if r < ra (IstoU
yuvollltlwlilir kr.KXT KILL. Bui 751.8. T
fk /x a iy wgtohmHkerit. Bf m*ii ‘ • r . >•
dUL U: rw. J a llntcH A (X).. :* Ihti M.. %
OPIUM HABIT
Cured Painlessly.
I Th Mfidirink ‘"ld for a n?nll niArjfin *t* f ■ ’he font ■>
! .-oinpoin*tmg At < ek-'n tr.*it*(t I*v “i* ■ x [,r *M-rn
I lion.” For tills particular* a<t<lr-* tii• - I>i*roy erer
OR. S. 8. COLLINS, La Port , Ind.
Twelve luirtw fjowrer, STATIONARY ID
! p*.rf-* t nlll'i'titf ft ter. will *..}rl fr A IN', i li.
\ i*i r i l
f h Ia C ill ' ' • 1 •
10 AddrM aTiNON *UO . Portiaod. Ms.
PHP>r Rend tn VIOOKF ®
ItHhh Ht SIMAS I MVFRMtt,
rnLb Atlanta. <;.
Fur [lliiMtrafed Circular year
JVA.BIIVII-.rjH
TELEGRAPH COLLEGE.
Smith A Sfacldiwo, Propr'i. Life aihoSanihipe,
Ladim, $,H'. (Jentlemen, Reference* required.
Iru-reaeinc itemanil for npermtocß. - Naiarv from S*i to
|1 ' per month, For full particularw aodreee, J. T.
*l>aiil<tlna. Huamaec Manager. WaMVllxa. TXX9
CIOLKMAN Bcmhkss Oou.EGK, Newark. N.J. •••th.-
~■*l*'. Puhitiun* for graduate*. Write for circulars.
—————w—a———— tmm — * w*——— rWttnaiKm *>f - O*
torm of Iron, i’miriu
Wf & Xn Mif jumg m J Hark and Vhoirptwru*- tr*
WHjr £r ju S*Bd jff B 0 p-j JET J&Sr ft jtaUUnbl* jot™. } *
WfA W Jr jt Sw i* llU ' J' r ‘‘* tratx<y ** °t '
REV AI. HOBBS Writes. - /DHPIC’IP' S ? f
After a tnorouab trial of tie/ rUHtr It , ,
IKON TONIO, 1 take pleasure / / ,•_
u statma that I have Seen / Npw * |TV / tonal l
CTC.UJ bencfitcl b, f- / M ( ,1111 fl / ’ ' u “ al ™m*iv
use mmisters .ml Pub / MliMUiaV ' M - IsbUitatwJ o 'ore-.
lie St)Hkera will H.nd it ■ ■■■ '' —m x. _
Df the *** • - mm 1 ' fYyyy)i
WfJsJYg tja&gfj rgg£A x
Lovisnii*, Ay., t 3. I M 2. ""
FUPAUSBTSSS DR. HARTER MEDICITTI? CO.. 813 K iUW.. ST LOUIC
The Westinghouse Engine
—AS ADAPTED TO—
COTTOJST GINNIKG.
MrSCVD rod SPECIAL CJRCULASeds
” ft IS'ilMEClli lACiHE Cll7Pit;slMSti, Pa,
General -tate Agencies:
Dsktf.i. A. Tompkins - - Charlotte, North Cantina.
Ati ant* Fni.inkiuiim. < • t'AN V, 33 Marietta g reet, Atlanta, Ge irgia.
Mo-Mo >ll fry Iron' Woi:a, ■ • • Montgomery, Alahauia
For You,
Madam,
Whoso Complexion, betray#
some humHiatim; impene'’*’
tion. whose mirror tefls you
that you are Tanned, Sallow
and disfigured in counte
nance, or have Eruptions,
Redness, Roughness or un
wholesome tints of Complex
ion, we say use Hainan's Mag
nolia Ralm.
It is a delicate, harmless
and delightful article, pro
ducing the most natural nnd
entrancing tints, the artifici
ality of which no observer
can detect, and which soon
becomes permanent if the
Magnolia Balm is judiciously
used. *~
NEW IMPROVED
WATCH IE3
l*arg—> *♦ k.*fncMi l ime Xwporß. I >weot price*.
J. P.S(EVENS WATCH CO.
.4 Whitehall Kfntnif# - • A 1 1. \XT A. f>A
Jml
a- * / MtS~ m HRiw’'
KXIYIVOITIJB'
"EZ■r mos WOBKB.
n. A. HK I.ANK. IWitnnger.
0 Box 1690 New L
Ift''" M* nnfect urer* of Rsrna*^ 1 ’ 1 b JS’
Platform COTTON
hteam. Uai.d A Hors* Power, •y'’"™
. . JW®[ Ktigin***. Sugar Mill-. * n '\ 1
1 UQy Patent lr.*.' k -.-i-.et Work
"" l |*roH&!:ks .s("i-ici rn> -4i*
"THE BEST IS CHEAPEST.”
i:\i,!\Ef. THPFQUFRfx su ' ,l 1
8.,...1’1wcr* I nnLonEnoei,rr>i*r<
txi Ail ms'tions Write for l* M'-W lftnw. FnimdilH
mu 1 Pn. . ,Th AtiUrMi A Taylor Cos, ManAeM. f **<•
MILL & FACTUi. ’ .MPPUES
OF ALL KINDS. BLi TINQ, HOSE
and PACKING, OILS, PUMPS ALL
KINDS, IRON PIPE, FITTINGS,
BRASS GOODS, STEAM GAUGES,
ENGINE GOVERNORS, &o- Sr>dfor
Price-lilt W. H. DILLINGHAM A CO
431 Mein Street, LOUISVILLE. KY.
somnwr habit.
OPIUM—'
Us lUIfl x***:
I. V. | TwrnH*s ’**3
CHICAGO SCALE CO.
J t TOJ WAttO* StAl.t. *4M fTOXjfiO.
I Ton SliO. Itrain lto lNJ||dfd.
COTTON BEAM Ac FPASSmS|4S.
jA Th I.ittTe iVtectivß,"
MOOTIIKH Sl/.8. Bd*red PBIC* WsTraiS.
HZ. FORGES, TOOLS. Ac.
Sr*T ®rsT roRGK mn uan *mi, iw
6:./ii 1 |oll>. AnvlUnd KllofT<Mla. SlO
fB/f j \ Farmer* in* Hair and morjr doing jeM.
yVD 1 I Hiowert*. * nvtla. Vices 4* Other Artirles
iILOSKSTFUII KS. SHOLKSAL* k RKTAIL.
A ]l ..(,C TIS Write fori 1 BEK lf!*r
• Vi’The A oil MM ■* Taylor Ca, ManrtvM. ob