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POO FostOfTic* orders from nil portions of tlo country vill secure a supply of BOXKOCIXn, the only safe, quick anl positive euro for acuta and cUronlo Gonorrhoea at id (itaot ever used, ('urea effected under five day*, requiring no Infernal remedies, no change of diet, nr loss of time. Its acliuu destroys and antagonizes every atom of venereal poison with which it edmee Ift ton* tact, and is hsntlea ♦* healthy parts POO A order for $4.00 will buy , three bottle* t DOS KOCIN'E, the only harmlest Vegetable compound ever vdVr* v d whit h positively cures and pre vents the contagion of arv and all ve nereal diseases. The constant, persevering and uni versal u>e of tills re:.- n!y would effect ually v.ipe out all venereal diseases from the face of the earth. G. and G. can neither l>e contracted nor exist when it is used, Vtecnuse it destroys by / mere c<>mnct. It allays all puin, sub due. ih • l; •’nmmatiou and promotes quiet slumbers. POO A well known railroader writes as follows; Atlanta, Fto'y 21,1888. TVntkocinc* Early in January I eomfficn 1 the use of BON' KOCINK for a l>ad ease of G. which had baffled the kill and inedioineg of five physi cian and three bottles cured mo sound and well. I lost no time, used no other remedy and did not change my diet. It Is a blesving to those whose paths are not bright" Discard all capsules, copabia, etc.,and uso that whi h never f .Is, and will k<s'p you cured for life by acting ns a preventive. One bottlosl.V>. or threw for SUXX Po’d by druggists. Expressed on re ceipt of price. BONKomns ro., 78)4 Whitehall street, Atlanta Ua. F r a e in 8n iiu -rvii e oy £ S, CL 1 OIIOKN & CO. ’ ISgll ■irWrlOME V 1 9 ;> v \ Vj ' \ - Ml m 9# T/%1 -V -A Agpjf ' ot! (T! r - ULA,i rINEVEB^I--, NEW HOMf IN Q mACHINEG / 30 UNION SQUARE NEW YORK z,^ CA °O ILI MASS OA. 1* 1 L/v ’.if <fc <' A IN, SUMMKUVIL-.R, GA Nerve-Life and Vigos - RESTOR-ED. >—• This cut f bows the £3 Howard Electric §2 Magnetic Shield sr-2 88 a PPl* r( i o v *r the Kid j j ' tnH*' neysaml Nervo-t I* j\ .-j Jf centers. Tne only .up pllance made V.:n Lta every purr o 0 the body, and tiif ■ a _ "i idyon.- neeti- - << f 1 ia t 1 re-iT VEI.Y f I I m Ii hidne) Dlmcid’l K __ I U hcuniiithm w OF THE / It yal>*-| hln AllSf Seminal Weak lions, Exliii'/* I||ir< tfOif tlou, liin>ot< A U <*)* and Jill Din JFw<V/niiofHiK<#l r eaeesanri W eak >1 lies,*'rth'-Urine ' •* lITI v Ui’iiltaS Organs [Patented Feb. 25, 1879.] YOUNG MEN. from early indiscretion, Ley nerve force and fall to attain strength. MIDDLE AGED MEN often lack vigor, attribut ing it to the progress of years. The MOTHER. WIFE and MAID, siiffernpfroti Female Weakness, Nervoua Debility and other nil menu, will find It the only cure. To one and all we say that the Shield gives a na ural aid in a natural way WITHOUT DRUGGING THE STOMACH. Warranted One Year, and tli- be* appliance made. Illustrated Pamphlet,THßEE TYPES OF MEN also Pamphlet for Ladies only, sent on receipt o 6c. sealed; unsealed, FREE. American Galvanic Cos. OFFICE jllf)3 Client nut St., PhlJa. ass— ■■■"■."grawagv"' Don’t Go There.—Senator Nichols of the New Jersey Legislative Printing Committee reported adversely the reso lution of a Senator looking to the doing of the State printing by convict labor. The report B*ys : “Statistics prove that there are few printers ever incarcerated in the State prison. The men who fol low the printers’ trade are, as a rule, men or intelligence and ability.” The Senator who introduced the resolution no doubt did it by way of a joke, never dreaming that it would be taken up seriously. It raised quite a hornet’s uest about his ears, however, and he will think twice before perpetrating another such “joke.” dI)C (Dojcttc. VO XI. DREAM WHILE YOU MAY. While the moonbeams bright are peeping T)trough the iVJr-curtained pane 15v their mellow radiance steeping Every object in the lane With a silvery gray. Dream on, darling? While thouVt sleeping, Angels pure and bright Around your cot their watch are keeping Through the silent night; Then dream on while you may. Ah ! too soon will come the waking From the dreams of childhood's days ; Clouds the fair horizon breaking Soon will meet thy youthful gare As you weml life’s way. Soon thy heart will feel the aching That no joy (*an kill or calm ; Cherished ho] ea their leave lx* taking, Hopes that never could bring balm, Then dream on while you mav. Soon the hours of childhood flying, From your transient dreams you’ll wake. And the sound of sobs and sighing On your youthful years will break, As from day to day You will try—but vain the trying— To find that bliss no one can know; For grief is living, joy is dymg, In this weary world of wo, . Then dream on whili *n m v. Justin M Cautht TOO LATE.' “Ib there a letter for me to-day ?” What a pale face, and, withal, what a pretty one ! Pretty, although the bright eyes were languid and had lost their sparkle; pretty, though there were wrinkles in the white forehead—wrinkles not wrought by time, but stamped there by grief and sorrow. Grief and sorrow, I said. Still, it would be more correct to say that hope and patient waiting had made pretty Alice Werder old, although not more than twenty summers hail passed over her in nocent head. “Is there a letter for me to-day?” A dark flush overspread the pale fore head and blanched features, a sudden brightness came into the drooping eyes, and they l>eoame suffused with tears. What a tremor passed through the wasted form ! How the weak 'Wti a trembled between hope and deepa ' ® The old postmaster took np a packet of letters and slowly looked them over, as he always did when Alioo asked this question. Ho well know there wss no letter for her, but it was so hard to say the little word that would send her away with an added weight of disappointment. For six months paHt she bail come, day after day, in sunshine and storm, always with the same question on her lips, and always receiving the same negative reply. “Is there a letter for me to-day ?” Poor Alice Werder 1 When, two years before, the vivacious and scheming Hugo Werder led her to the altar, the people said the young ne’er-do-well was only after her money, and when he had secured that he would neglect the sweet, trusting girl, and would live merely for his own pleasure. Hugo Werder was poor—Alice, an or phan and comparatively wealthy. Hugo, after their marriage, allowed himself to !>e drawn into unfortunate speculations and lost everything; but his hopeful little wife only said: “Never mind, Hugo, be oomforted; wo will come through all right. Why, you know we can work.” And she kissed him and smiled as happily as she hail done a year before, when, with joyful countenance, she said: “Hugo, I am yours. ” But poverty is hitter, and the sudno tive cry of “gold ! gold I” came from the far-off shores of Americoj-from the mines of California, and thither Hugo repaired. Every one said he would desert his young wife and child. All agreed that whatever he might do he was at heart a villain. Everybody said this, and every body believed it, save Alice. She alone discountenanced the dark predictions so freely made against Hugo; she alone dis believed the calumny heaped upon him from all sides. Alice slowly, despondently, turned her bock upon the post office. But this was nothing new; a hnndred times she had gone away from the place with the same expression of deep despair on her pale, sorrowful face. Poor Alioe! She was so weak and tired. But what mattered that ? Who cared for her ? * • ♦ . * “Are yon writing home ?’’ asked Rich ard Sommer. Hngo Werder yawned, wiped his pen and slowly answered, “Yes.” “To your precious little wife, I sup pose?” “Yes.” “How often have yon written that faithful little one sinoe you are here ?” Hugo was startled at this sudden ques tion, and as he hnng his head a crimson blush came into his face, and he falter ingly replied : “I am ashamed to acknowledge that this is—the first time.” “The first time 1” cried his astounded companion. “The first time I This is shameful, inexcusable in yon 1” “I would not have confessed ft to any one but yon,” answered Werder. “I will tell yon how it came to be so : When I first came here I had so much to do, and I have a dislike for letter-writing, so I put it off from day to day, week after week, until I was really ashamed to write without sending something with the letter, for yon know she had not al ways the money to pay the baker and the butcher/' SUMMERVILLE, GEORGIA, WEDNESDAY EVENING, MARCH ID, 1884 “But did Jbh not at a single stroke malm *2.000?' „ _ “Yea, yes, I know it well. I am a wretch ! As you say, I had §'2,000, hut in one night it was all gone aguiu. I in tended writing Alice the day after my success, but that night I passed a gam bling-house. I turned back anil entered it. I drank, played, lost, and was again beggared. Should I have written her an empty letter then, after having spent six months without sending her a single dollar? So I have waited and waited till now. But when she gets this letter she will be §IOO richer, poor little girl, and then she will forgive all my neglect, I know that well, beforehand.” “She should forgive yon nothing, Hngo,” said his companion. “Ah, yes 1 I deserve no forgiveness, but Alioe is a dear, loving little darling, and so true, that I know she will over look all my shortcomings." V * , * • * * “Mrs. Alioo Werder.” The postmark was California, and the address was in Hugo’s well-kuown handwriting. Was it possible I The little postmaster read and re-read the superscription. Surely there was no mistake. The letter had come at last I “Oh, how glad she will be 1 How her tender eves will sparkle I It is worth money to be able to give her this letter,” said the old postmaster to his wife. “Poor child 1” ‘’Poor child, indeed,” repeated tho wife, as she caught the stitch she had dropped. “I am getting so blind,” was her murmured explanation. But I should not wonder if heartfelt tears hail caused the sudden “blindness" of the good, sympathizing old soul. “I cannot imagine why she does not come to-day,” remarked the little old man, when the afternoon had slowly passed and evening was setting in “Take the letter to her, Sophie. Poor thing, perhaps her ohild is too sick for her to leave it.” "My rheumatism makes it so hard for me to go out. I will take care of things here, and go you—it is but a few steps to her house.” “Well, then, when I have closed the postoffioe, if she docs not oome before, I will go,” was the old man’s answer. “Go rather at once,” continued his wife. “The thought of tho poor, young thing makes bjo sorrowful. How strange she looked vesterdav when she asked if yon were sure tlioro was no letter foi her, and when you naked about her child how strangely she answered: ‘lt is not very well to-day, but I guess it will be better to-morrow,’ and how sadly she laid her hand ujxm her heart, as though it hurt her there.” “Yes, yes; poor thing I” was the old man’s oulv re!v. Rap 1 Rap ! Rap ! The wind softly fluttered tho dewy leaves of the hushes about the little home ; the stars came out in the blue heavens; the moon looked down with a pale, calm, gloomy fane upon the little old postmaster as he stood silently waiting at Alice Werder’s door. Rap ! rap 1 rap 1 But still uo answer came. "Surely she cannot yet be sleeping,” thought the old man. But ah, Alice was sleeping. Heaven had called her—those who sleep as she slept never awake again on earth. This life was too hard for her. Ah, Alice, with your dead child on your breast— ah, Alice, could yon but have hoped a single day longer I ******* “A letter for me?” was the question of Hugo Werder. “A strange hand-writing. Hr.) my own letter and two locks of light, silkeD hair 1 What does this signify ?” Hugo Werder’s face grew deathly white, and his hand trembled, as with the palsy, as he read this letter, written in the unsteady hand of the old post master: “Inclosed is returned yonr letter. It came too late—they are both dead. May Heaven forgive yon ; yonr neglect has killed them. Hero is a lock of your wife’s hair and one of her child’s. They Ixith sleep in one grave. Again, may Heaven forgive you. Ah, had yonr let ter come one day sooner, or had Alice honed for one day more 1” A Case of Contempt. Senator Vance tells this story: “When Judge Tourgee was on the bench in North Carolina, an old chum of his was brought before him on some trifling charge. Daring the trial the prisoner said something that highly displeased his honor. “Do you mean,” sternly said the Judge, “to bring this court into contempt?” The prisoner smiled and said: “Judge, you have known me for many years, and we have been friends, haven’t we?” "That is a fact,” said tho Judge. "You would do me a favor within reason, even now, would you not?” “Very likely,” responded his Honor, all graciousness and good humor, “but what is it?” “Well, retorted the scamp, “do not press me too hard on the point of contempt this morning I” “Miss Gimps,” said a Fort Wayne lady to another during a recent call, "why don’t you join the Daughters of Temperance?” “Cause.” “Cause why?’ “Why—why—” was the blushing re ply, “I intend to join one of the sons in a month. CAPTAIN MARY MILLER. MilK “II ANDI.FN A BOAT AM WKI.D AM ANY MAN ON Till: ItlVKlt.'’ AYliut A l.nitv Si lion I Cnplnlu liiin tc Ma) ol llcr I'|'uli*mluii< Mrs, Miller, the Now Orleans female steamboat captain, is a trim, bonny lit tle woman, whom nobody would credit with years enough to be the mother, as she is,of a family of four children, two of whom ate almost grown. “I come of a steamboat family,” said the lady; “my father was a steamhout man, and after I married Japtain Miller that was seventeen years ago—l of course spent much of my time on tho river. Wo have a beautiful home at Louisville, und my little ones are all there lion', but for the past four years I have been living mainly on a boat. My husband used to do nothing hut pilot, and I spent niuoli of my tiino in the pilot house and learned to manago a boat and how to navigate certain rivers, in spite of myself. “I learned to haudol a boat os well ns any man on tho river, and several years ago I hail occasion to lest my ability. Once my husband fell ill with fever and we had a ran of half a hundred miles to make, with several landings, in a very crooked bayou. I took the boat’s wheel and got through all right, although yon would have laughed over tho amaze ment of tho natives to see a woman' piloting. Several years ago we had to go and takeoff loaded barges from a boat stuck ou a sandbar at>ove Cairo. My hus band linil to leave our boat and remain ou the other, which was ’caking badly, and so I took the deck, hail the barges mndo fast to us, turned tho boat around nd oarned her down to Cairo. Captain Counts! said then I had as good a right to a captain’s license ns any man on tho river. “I manage all the money matters. When we are up in the parishes I buy and load the boat with cottonseed, whieli I buy after inspecting samples, and bring to New Orleans and sell out to merchants. We carry other freight, of course, and I buy all the boat’s provis ions, and provisions also to sell to the plantation hands up in the country. Then I do all the collecting and hank ing business. At first the merchants thought it odd to seo a woman come in collecting, but I have never yet been treated with anything but courtesy and kindness; and, besides, they never hal loo out to me to ‘call again,’ as they might to a man. “I shall keep on just as I am moving, except that 1 shall lie oftener ou deck and looking after the boat when Bhe lands and puts freight off or on. I wanted a license because I hod earned it and wished to undertake when neces sary the free duties of a steamboat cap tain. “Yon must not think my life has been eventful. We have never had any acci dents happen to ns since wo have been n the river, and I am not afraid of any. Ours is a thousand-mile trip, and I sow, read, write to the children, make out bills, and tako the deck when necessary. Not many boats take onr route. It is through a beautiful hilly country, and the people we meet at landings all know me. Most of them call me Captain Mil ler, already. “Bteamboating was forced on me, and the happiest thing it has taught me is that whatever a man may learn to do, a woman may also, provided it iH not a question of muscle.” flow They Met Mr. Lincoln. On the Fourth of July, 1861, four of the young fellows of Company E, Third Michigan infantry, of whom I was one, were strolling np the Potomac river road when we met a large cab driving toward the city. Two colored men sat on the driver’s seat, in suits of dark blue with large plain brass buttons and ping hats. One of tho boys remarked: “ They think they are some, don’t they ? Let’s have some fun with them.” All agreed, and as they came np we kept the road. So did they. Tho team came to a halt and a voice from the cab said: “What’s wanted ?” and when wo looked that way their was a silver-haired man looking out the door. We told him we wanted to take a ride with him to Washington to see Old Abe. Thereupon he stepped out of the carriage, saying: “Didn’t you ever see him ?’’ and was followed by an other man, and then another, until four men stood in front of us boys. I had only noticed that they were fine-looking men, when the first one said: “Soldiers, I introduce you to the President of the United States; also tho Hon. E. M. Stanton, secretary of war; the Hon. Wm. Seward, and myself, tho Hon. Gideon Welles.” The President stepped forward, shook hands with us and laughed at the joke; hut our situation was beyond the laughing point, and soon there were four silly-looking fel lows going for camp at quick-step gate. A yottno lady while visiting at Jack sonville, Florida, painted a plaque, which, she remarked to a friend, she would have to send to Boston to be “fired,” as there was no place in the vicinity of Jacksonville where such work could be done. Said the gentle man friend: “If you think there isn’t any place for firing china in this town, you’d better take a look at Henry Park er’s back yard.” For Hie Relief of Shipping. The Senate Committee on Commerce authorized Senator Frye to report to the Senate for passage a uew bill for the re lief of American shipping. This meas ure has been prepared by the committee as a substitute for all the various bills heretofore referred to it on the same general subject. Its main features are as follows: It giants authority, under certain cir cumstances, for American vessels to em ploy uny officer, other than a captain, of foreign birth. Tho prohibition of the payment of advance wages under heavy penalties is extended to foreign os well as American vessels. A modification is made of tho law respecting three months’ extra wages, repealing it in certain easei and in others limiting it to one me nth Sections 4,585, 4,586 and 4,587 Ro rise i Statutes, relating to the assessment and collection of a hospital tax for the ser mon, are to be repealed, and in their place it is provided that hereafter the uiarino hospitals shall bo maintained at the expense of the United States. The bill further provides that all arti cles of foreign production may be with drawn from bonded warehouses for the supply of vessels engaged in foreign trade, including trade between the At lantic and the Pacific ports of the Uni ted States, free of duty. A drawback of ninety per cent, is al lowed on imported materials used in the construction of vessels built in this country for foreign aceonnt, whether such vossels nre built wholly or only in part of foreign materials. Under existing Inw the drawback is applicable only to vessels built entirely of foreign materials. Tho individual liability of a shipowner is to be limited to the proportion of auy debts or liabilities that his individual share of the vessol bears to the whole, and the aggregate liabilities of all the owners of a vessel shall not exceed the value of such vessel and pending freight. A Veteran Ship Captain. Capt. Leonard D. Shaw, one of the olil-timo American ship commanders, died in New York a lew' days ago. Capt. Shaw was born in Portland, Me., on Jan. ‘2O, 1804. Uo was on the United States ship Enterprise in her bat tle with the British sloop-of-war Boxer, and was for years noted as a most prom inent American ship captain. One of the Captain’s peculiarities was that, in deference to his wife’s religious views, he would never sail out of port on Sun day. During the fifties he was once strongly tempted to break this rule, there boiug two other vessels bound to the same port in Cuba that ho was chartered for. Ho yielded to his wife, however. His vessel was the only one of the three that reached port. The other two were caught in a cyclone, the edge of which only served to help him on his way, while tho centre swallowed the other two. He was, nevertheless, wrecked several times. Once, when bound home from Maracaibo, liis vessel foundered. As she was going down the crew got tho long boat over the side and began to lower a barrel of water into it. The tackle gave way and the barrel went through the bottom of tho boat. A raft was hastily constructed, but when this was done tho hull was so full of water that no provisions could be hoisted out. Capt. Hhaw dived down into the galley, however, and brought out a four-pound piece of pork. With this the orew, soon in all, embarked. In three days three died of exhaustion and one leaped over board, being crazed by his sufferings. Tho survivors were picked up next day by a schooner that carried several can nons and a large crow heavily ai med. Tho Captain of the schooner mad-.) the survivors take an oath that they would not give any information about the ves sel that saved them, and landed them on the south coast of Ouba. This was in 1841. Examining a Bank. The Manchester (N. H.) Union tells a very interesting story of a bright little girl of 7, who walked into tho Morrimac savings bank and asked, with what seemed to be childish curiosity, to see the bank. The treasurer, with com mendable kindness of heart, asked her to step behind the counter, and showed her all the money, including that in the vault. Hnddenly Bhe stopped, and look ing tip into the treasurer’s face, said : "Well, I believe it’s all right.” “What is all right?” queried the official. “Why, the bank is all right,” she said, and then continued: “Mr. Bank man, my name is Amy Bell, and my papa put §5 into this savings hank for me the other day, and I wanted to see what kind of a place it was. I never was in a bank before.” The gentleman assured her that the money was safe, and after ask ing a few childish questions she departed, feeling settled in her young mind con cerning the custody of her money. What is quite as interesting as tin-story is the notion the Union seems to have that the examination which the little girl made was a childish proceeding. Everybody nt all familiar with the his tory of bank failures in New England and elsewhere will see at a glance that the child’s examination w* of precisely the same searching and exhaustive char acter as that which directors and bank examiners make. NO. D. QUAKER CITY RUMOR. A l i:\V TIIINdH 4< <:|IM:!NTAI.I.V ovi i{. llKAltl* BY THK “HVISNIBU 1A1.1..” FATIttOTIMM. Ethel- “Isn’t this funny?” Mabel—-" What, dear ?’’ Ethel—“ This in the paper about kiss iug.” Mabel “I did not see it. Ethel— “Why, Dr. Deems says that kissing is ‘a purely American habit.’” “Mabel- “Oh I how glorious it is to lie born an American." IIK ITAD KNOTTOH. “How much are them a quart? a countrymau asked as he picked up a strawberry from in front of a fruit store on Chestnut street and swallowed it. “Fifty cents a piece.” "What?” shouted the countrymen. “Fifty cents a piece. Try another; they’re nioe and fresh.” “No" he replied, as he handed over half a dollar, “I’ve had all tho straw berries I want.” BATHKR TOO YOUNO. “Papa,” said a little boy at breakfast, “yesterday, at school, the teacher read something from a hook called ‘The Au tocrat at the Breakfast Table.’ What does it mean ?” “Yon nre rather too young yet, my son,” replied tho old man, as ho helped himself to the top buckwheat cake and smothered it with the cream intended for his wife's coffee, “to understand such matters.” A STHANGK AUUEST. “You say the officer arrested you while you were quietly minding your own business ?” “Yes, your honor. He caught me suddenly by the coat collar and threat ened to strike me with his club unless I accompanied him to the station house.’’ “You were quietly attending to yonr own business; making no noise or dis turbance of any kind?” “None whatever, sir.” “It seems very strange. What is your business?" “I’m a burglar.” NOTHING ItKMAKKABT.E. Mr. D. (reading)—?‘A single mahog any tree has been known to bring $5,000 when cut np into veneers.” Mrs. I).—“What of it?” Mr. I).—“What of it? Do you not think that fact very remarkable?” Mrs. D.—“No; it is nothing extraor dinary. Wo have done better than that with much less material.” Mr. D.—“ How do you mean ?” Mrs, D.—“ You remember our last church festival ?” Mr. D.—“ Yes." Mrs. D.—“ Well, a single oystor brought us in §6.000.” A REMEDY. Mrs. Hcautdiet (hoarding - house keeper)—“You do not look very well, Mr. Blirn; i am afraid yon keep too late hours.” Mr. Hlim (boarder) —“I was out a little late last night, but usually am in pretty early.” Mrs. Hcautdiet—“You ought to tako a tonic of some kind, Here, for instance, is au advertisement of Dr. Cure-All's bitters, said to be a remedy for the ‘tired, sinking, empty feeling’ that some people experience. Do you ever have that ?” Mr. Slim—“ Yes, three times a day— fter every meal.” A HUMANE AOT. Western Railroad Superintendent— “1 want you to get np some sort of signal arrangement so that brakemen on freight trains will be warned of tho near ness of cross-track bridges In time to duck their heads.” Assistant—“ You moan the bridges which carry the wagon roads over our track, of course. ” Superintendent—“ Certainly. ” Assistant—“lt is very humane of you to take such a step, as it will save the lives of many brakemen." Superintendent—“To tell the truth, I was not looking at tho matter in just that light. You know the law compels us to build those bridges ourselves to avoid crossing at grade, anil we run them up just, as cheap as possible.” Assistant—“ Yes. ” Superintendent—“ Well, I don’t want those bridges knocked over.” NO SENSE OF IIUMOIi. . A gentleman in a street car, While reading a newspaper, discovered a par agraph that struck him as particularly funny. “Here is something good,” lie said to liis neighbor, and he rend the ilini to him. A tired look swept over the genlle man’sfaco, but he m ver smiled. Presently the reader came, across another paragraph that tickled his fancy. “I will try him witli this one,” he said. lie did so, and a tear actually welled out of his neighbor’s eye and coursed slowly down his cheek. “Heavens, man I” was the exclama tion, ‘“what’s the matter with you? Have you no sense of humor? What, do you do to pass away the time, anyway ?” Looking mournfully out of the window ths stranger replied: “I am a proofreader ou a comic weekly,” WHY nB JUMPED. Mys. D.—“ What a wonderfnl jumper tho puma is I” Mr. D.—“ What have you found now?” Mrs, D.—“ Hero is an item which says that ‘a puma in tho Blue mountains re cently jumped 40 feet.’” Mr. D.—“ Poor follow 1 I can sympa thize with him.” Mrs. D.—“ How is that?” Mr. D. —“Most likely the luckless nnimal was searching for paregorio in tho dark and stepped on a tack,” BUSINESS nmsK. Customer—“ Business is brightening up some, isn't it?” Jobber in Brooms—“I should say so. Hold ‘20,000 brooms this week.” Customer—“ Where did they goto? Jobber—“ All over tho oountry. We got orders from everywhere. One small town bought 2,000 for its street-cleaners. ” Customer—“ Did you sell auy to tho Philadelphia Highway Department?” Jobber—“Oh, yes, one; and they promised to call next year and buy another.” would not no. First Railroad Man—“ What do you think of tho now patent ‘railroad tattler,’ which registers t,iio speed of trains ?” Second Railroad Man—“l have had some experience with it, and think it may do for through express trains.” First R. M.—“ Have yon tried it on accommodation trains ?” Second R. M.—“ Yes, lint it did not give satisfaction. Long before we reached tho end of the first trip the ap paratus ceased registering.” First R. M.—“lndeed 1 What stopped it from working?” Second R. M.—“ Rust.” TUE MEANS. “See hero, sir,” said a philanthropist to a seody-looking tramp, “this is the third time you have asked for help this week, ” “I know it. ” “There is no need of any ono getting so low down as you seem to have reached. I was careful early in life to keep some thing laid by for a rainy day. I don’t seo why other people can’t do tho same thing and live within their means.” “It is easy enough to advise people to live within fheir means, replied the tramp, “lint the trouble is to find the means to live within. That s what lam after now.” no got another dollar. A TTPOORArmOAL MISTAKE. "Yes,” said a shabby dressed man, “printers sometimes mnke very bad blunders. It is to a typographical mis take that, I owe my present condition of poverty.” “How can that ho?” ho was asked. “It was some years ago,” he replied. “I had just embarked in tho patent med icine business, having discovered a won derful remedy for general debility and that sort of thing. I caused an adver tisement to be inserted in a leading daily paper, with tho customary pictures ‘be fore and after taking,’ but I never sold a bottle of the medicine, and in two weeks from the date of tho first adver tisement the wholo business was in the hands of the sheriff.” “Well, what had a typographical error to do with your failure?” “The printer got the words ‘before’ und ‘after’ transposed, mid I didn’t no tice the mistake.” WHAT HE DIED OF. Jones—“l seo it stated that a well known Philadelphia business man died suddenly in a street car the other night of alcoholism.” Bmith—“You probably saw that in some New York paper. Those New Yorkers are always starting up some libel or other on Philadelphia.” Jones —“Then it is not true?” Bmith—“l should say not. It is a mean, despicable Hlandcr. The man was a friend of mine, and although not a teetotaler, lie was never considered a hard drinker.” Jones —“Did he die in a street car?” Smith —“Well, yes; I admit that he did." .Tones—“Then what did he ilio of?” Smith—“ Don’t know. Froze to death, probably.” A Publisher’s Experience. Tt is an experience of publishers that ton many people are apt to think it mat ters lint little whether tho newspaper bill s paid promptly or not, that it is a small sum and is of but little consequence. This is not because subscribers are un willing to pay, but rather because they are negligent, Each one imagines be calm liis year’s indebtedness amounts to so small a sum tho publisher cannot he much in want of it, without for a moment thinking that the income of a newspaper is made up of just such small amounts, and that the aggregate of all subscriptions is by no means inconsider able sums of money, without which pnb lisliers could not continue to issue their pupi l'. The proper way is to always pay in advance — <ll.rnx Falls Republican. After the Plumber Again. Someone pretends to have found a plumber’s bill which ran thus: “Fixing up Smith’s bursted pipes, to wit: Go ing to see tho job, §1; coming back for tools anil help, §2: finding the leak, §1.50; sending for more help, §1.25; going back for solder forgotten, §1.50; bringing the solder, §1; burned my fin ger, §2; lost my tobacco, 50 cents; get ting to work, $8; getting my assistants to work, $2.50; fixing tho pipe, 25 cents; going home, §2.50; time, solder, wear and tear on tools, overalls, and othei olothing, §6; total, §24.00.” American workingmen will bb some what surprised to learn that the mem bers of the French deputation of work men recently here are telling their fellow countrymen that our laboring classes work harder and have fewer comforts and less liberty than those of France,