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If* TANARUS" I B B Ift For Blood, Skin iIA 111 11 > Jj I H gill Ufl 0 “"loo.l A l‘ol^ n n W I HIM | U Romodv Suro.Mlo ana satisfactory. Purifies the Blood from infancy to old age. One bottle proves its superiority. Hereditary Taint and Scrofu lous symptoms cured. Itching Humors and Glandular Swellings relieved. All had MHI Mm gimP 1 Sllft Onrw Chronic Skin 33 1 iftl 318 II * BiMMM. Kezcma, I I ■ 01 111 I I Itching Humors, J 5 I Elivlll Tetter, Ringworm, u iniiiu^v^te ‘ “tohos. >plotches, and all other troubles y skin affecting ok! and young. Re duces Scrofulous, dr Glandular Swellings, ii.mors,Ovarian Tumors Enlarged Glands, t t i ares Catarrh,Orvena Hin Disease, old BLODD jj 1% JS B, I I ft Cures all stages of R 1 £ f $ 9|l p I ■Syphilis and Svphl- II are IB II | ft |■ | | |standmg Primary' ™ §f' 3 8 B ■ F I W" o n s, Secondary :v and terUai> disease of the bones ana BBi ’■•■•'crnal organs cured. Special and sneedv Hafi t to females suffering from painful, B B •' l’ r, ' v;e, l and prolonged menstruation, or '’e prostrated from km sa. if PiiMfl Balm > : u'i'K-r. It. Tv B. will please ><••:. Oue lxt ’ ■ > - >mo rases. Send for pamidilet of bomf cui' .s. At oil Drug Stores One bottle. €l. BLOOD BALM COMPANY. Atlanta. Ga i or u<ile m 8u uni-mile b/ J R CL’GHORN A CO. Nsrve-Life and Vigo? RESTORED.- Tills cut shows the g3 Howard Electric ; Magnetic Shiebl ~ a u applied over the li 1.1 nejaand Ncrvo- iisi Tne ly mj^ / IwV 1y “nt* n.'dl.-rt t. I I B M < i oeiTiv ELY cv n r J* V 4 * * *£* 1 lihliieyDlMHSf & nr tor J Bt la ** u iiimClmii. V& Ur Inu I ;o} hpe pniu Vininsl Weak i i*s Exlmii* dp *•- I loll* llliputctl G <v , " l ‘ l "P ,H * : ‘•HM-MiiciWenk f v *kJj \ i iieas* of the C ritic '' l.ciilcal Organa {Patented Feb- 25, 187k] t YOUXG MEN, from early Indiscretion, la* ii nerve force uud fail to attain Strength. MIDDLE AGED MEN often lack vigor, nttribut Jngit to the progress of years. The MOTHER, WIFE and MAID, sufferingfran Female W.-akm **, Nervous Debility and other ail merits, will find it the only cure To one and all we say that the Shield gives ft nat uxal aid in a natural way WITHOUT DRUGGING THE STOMACH. Warranted One Year, aiul the bet appliume made. Illustrated Pamphlet. THREE TYPES OF MEN Also Pamphlet for Ladies only, scut on receipt o be. sealed; unsealed, FREE. American Galvanic Cos.. OFFICE i 1 lf)3 HiMimt St., V'hlln. WOMAN SUJKRAGK l)I.H; Vil.i). The 'li. . ni'lnirlt..linnr 0p...... <1 to I. A .t: ij,..u > nl ill. The Massachusetts House of Iteprc- K iitiitives disposed of, for lilt' session,the proposition that, in the conduct of inn nieipsl affairs women shall have all tliflf political rights and privileges that now belong to men. This action grew out of an adverse report, for which a favorable bill was offered. It was the most deci sive that has ever been hail oil this sub ject, the vote standing ,50 yeas, 111 liars, and 1! pairs. Last year the vote witsTtO verts and 127 nays, and 20 pairs. 11 will be seeu that this year with a total recorded vote and expressed opinion of tl less than those of Lust year, the nia joritv i.galus t the measure was increased by 17. and the minority for it was less . lied 10, showing a total loss of 87. The Journal says Hint, so far ns the records show, woman suffrage in any form was first presented to the Genera] Oourt, ot 1 H/,7. when the House’, by a vote of 11 to 07, refused to indorse it. From that time to the present, except in the years 1871 and 1875, this subject, in some shape, has been acted upon by the House, which has, without exception, re jected it bv a vote that has varied mate rially. Last year the vote for municipal woman suffrage was proportionately smaller than it had ever lieen, and now it is proportionately much lees than it was then. The average vote for the fif teen years of which there is record has been 71 in the affirmative and 118 in the negative. Yet with these figures and their growth staring them in the face, there is uo reason to snppose that the advocates of woman suffrage will cease to urge their claims upon the next Legislature and upon many more that will follow it. It was expected that the measure would be defeated, but the vote against it was surprisingly large. It was thus made up : Yeas—2s Republicans, 28 Democrats, 2 Greenbackers. Nays—Bo It-publicans, sti Democrats, 1 Inde pendent, 1 Independent Democrat. 01 those who paired —0 Republicans, 3 Democrats, 1 Independent, anil 1 inde pendent Democrat, favored this exten sion ot suffrage, and 7 R publicans, 3 1 Independent opposed. The lowa Legislature has passed its noted Prohibitory Dili. Its prominent provision is as follows: Wherever the words intoxicated liquor occur in this chapiter the same Bhall be construed to mean alcohol, ale, wine, beer, spirituous, vinous, and malt .liquors, and ali intoxi cating liquors whatever; and no person shall manufacture for sale, or sell or keep for sale as a beverage, any intoxi cating liquors whatever, including ale, wine and beer; and the same provisions and penalties in force relating to intoxi cating liquor shall in like manner be held ar.d construed to apply to violations of this act; and the manufacture, sale, or keeping for sale, or keeping with intent to sell or k-epingorestablishing a place for the sale of ale, wine,, and beer, and ali other intoxicating liquors whatever. Sljc 3*mnnu‘t*uUlc (jpojcttc. VOL XL KAM/XG Till-; P.UiV. What bhall wo name her, little wife? What shall we call this feather of life? Little new-comer to Lilliput-laiul, Lying as light hh a kiss on my hand. Whose quaint wee fare with its rosy skin But measures a finger from brow to chin, While a span from the point of her lution none Will reach the tip of her tiny toes. What shall we call her? She’* too small, I think, to have any name at all. OouUl we peer down on the va!e of tears, Draw the curtain that hides the years ! Could we just for a moment soo What is our darling's destiny ! Is she heiress to high estate? Will she be taking a king for mate? King of the people -she their queen? Royal is the name of Josephine. Will she, meek, with a sorrowful heart, Choose, like Mary, the butter part? Will she be gentle, tender, true A copy, dear little wife, of you? Will she be dauntless, brave and strong? Will her spirit escape in song, Uatolling gnyly in golden words All the joy of the sun-loved birds? Will her hands give erst unknown Voice to canvas or life to stone? Khali we christen her Florence, Fan, Constance, Dorothy, Margery, Anne? Watch the weirdly dickering flame; Head her fortune, choose her name. What shall be? Ah. p’r’aps ’lis well None of us can the future tell. I’ut there's pleasure in painting yet Fancy portraits of our pet. At two, a tiny qu< cn we see. Ruling the world from papa's kneo; Then, when risen to five or six. Prattling tease with her saucy tricks; Ten years more, and a full-grown miss, A bit coquettish and coy to kiss. Then young Love, with h'H sweet alarms, Will add a grace to her woman's charms; Then a wife, and the bv-and-by P’r’apa may bring us another tie, And baby's baby may crow, “Hurrah For dear old granny and grandpapa !” Strange by your bedside 'tin to sit, In this room lv the fire-fianies lit, Picturing thus, in colors bold, Life for our baby throe days old. What- h!*n 11 we call her? We've not vet Chosen & name for our sleeping pet. — lJdt'jKv'h Weekly. A Her 11 le Sit>ri ll. IIS ADBLATIJK E. STKr.LE “llark 1 what is that ’’’ Leyton grasped the ana of his friend ns he spoke, and both paused to listen. From the low-walled tint before which they were standing the sound was re peated. The speaker loosened his grasp with a sigh of relief. “Why, bless yon ! it’s Lita,” he said. “What music the little orgun is making to-night.” “Poor little blind girl! How much comfort she takes with it,” remarked his companion. “Yes. When these miners bought that little music box they made a good investment. Listen 1” The music had begun again. At first it came stealing out with such n low, plaintive sound, ono might easily have fancied that it was only the night wind creeping softly round the walls of the little cabin; then it swelled into some thing louder, deeper and more solemn; but there was a subtle, yet indefinable something iu its nature winch caused the listeners to thrill with exultation and grow cold with dread. It seemed ns though a spirit more than mortal, hnd taken possession of the little instrument, and through its deep voice was breathing out a prophecy of approaching disaster. Leyton felt a sudden breeze against his cheek and noticed, with alarm, that a dark storm-cloud had arisen in the west. There had been one storm since his arrival from the East, and he dreaded to see another. A heavy sigh at his el bow caused both men to turn iu that di rection. Lame iToe had come up noise lessly behind them and stood leaning against a rock. He, too, was listening and wiping an occasional tear from his ?ye; for the music hail grown sail anil dirge-like as a funeral hymn, with a lingering, a quivering anguish echoing through it which betokened that the soul of the mnsiciau wag speaking through her music. But, even as they listened, the char acter of the melody slowly underwent a complete transformation, and from the depths of sorrow and despair it hurst forth in a glad, exultant strain a wild, free flood of music. It was like the triumphant song of some captive bird which has beaten long its weary wings against the iron bars of a cruel prison house, but, finding itself at liberty again, breaks forth into song as it wings its way toward heaven, above the clouds and storms. That was the end. Leyton and Mark Spencer passed on The little girl’s present mood seemed tr them too sacred for intrusion ; but lame ■Joe stopped for the good-nigbt kiss which the child was accustomed to be stow upon him. Poor old .Toe ! he was very lame. One leg had been left upon the battlefield of Fredericksburg, and its substitute was a rude wooilen stump ; bnt such as it was, he would gladly have worn it to splinters it Lita Cohen's service, had the child permitted it. In spite of his affliction Joe Minion was a genial old man, with a kind word and helping hand for everybody ; yet naif the miners in that little camp could have told of a time when there was not a more intemperate man or harder char acter among them ail than he. That was before the death of his wife, tidings of w hich had been a terrible blow. Like a SUMMEIIVILLK, GEORGIA, W LON KS'DA Y EVENING, MAY 7. 1881. thunderbolt, it had sundered tholmrriers of pride and selfishness and penetrated his iron heart. Lita was comforter then. It was she who took him iu hand, and petted and talked with him until his companions began to notice with wonder that ho was growing iuto a very different mini ; for sorrow had made the child sympathetic, and her strong influence over .Too was iu a groat measure due to this fact. When John Cohen was killed by the falling of a bowlder, Lita, little more than a babe then, had become an adopted child of tlic camp. Later, when an uo cident shut out forever the light from tier beautiful eyes, she st-emed suddenly to have grown nearer and dearer to each ono aud to become the object of especial cave; yet, in spite of their kindness, there were times when she grew sad and lonesome. She used thou to fly for con solation to her dear friend, the little organ, aud draw from its bosom a melo dious response to her mood. 11l strong contrast wifli the gray and faded old woman who was her attendant, | or the bronzed, weather-beaten men about her, was this child of seven years. Like a rare, sweet blossom she was growing up in that wild place with a halo of beauty and purity about her young life that commanded almost adoration from the few rough, yet kiud ! hearted jieople. j Nature was kindly, too. The sun ] never kissed her soft little cheeks too 1 roughly, and its most scorching ray only ! added a brighter tint to the long, fair hair which hung in waves below her j waist, the pride aud admiration of her i friends. Yet it was bard, even for a stranger, to look unmoved 11)1011 the great blue eyes, so pathetic in their blindness, ami S know that Lita Cohen could never see i Beam. i think Lita herself minded it most lifter Warren, the poet of the camp. Inn! been telling her of the rugged grandeur of the country about them, and de scribed the singular beauty of the flowers which he brought her ilav after day, or w hen one of her big, burly friends laid in her hand the pictures of the children —the children whom she had learned to love as lirothers and sisters. She had known about them all a long time, ever since she could remember, and they I often sent her friendly messages and j little presents which she used to sit I holding in her hands, a strange wistfnl- I ness iu the big blue eyes, a groat ache ' in Hie little tender heart, at thought that she must always loci but could never 1 see. The little girl cared a great deal about 1 all her friends; but lame Joe was her j prime favorite, perhaps because be waß I lame. He had grown lamer than ever : of late, and was failing very fast; yet j nobody had told Lita of it; nobody could bear to break the news to her. i She used to sit at his side by the hour, j listening to him or repeating the childish j stories which Warren had read to her. j One day while she was sitting thus, pat ! ting his wrinkled cheeks with her soft i bands, she stopped suddenly, with a puz zled look in her face, ns though anew i thought hn<l struck her. “The men say that the mines of Ibis district don’t- pay well enough, and they will shortly break up ami go into an other country. What will you and I tie then, Uncle Joe?” A tear trickled down the old man’s wan cheek, lie, too, was thinking of a journey into another country, and it wrenched his heart-strings to think of leaving Lita behind, but he wiped away the bright drops with the ragged sleeve, of his coat, and choking down the sob in his throat made answer : “You will go with them, Lita, my child.” “And you, too, Uncle Joe, What would you do here without me ?” she _ asked, laughingly, as slio clung tighter to his band. “Not much, to be sure, little one— not much.” He stroked her long, silken hair tenderly, wishing that 110 might be able to tell her what no one else wanted to; lint he had not the courage, and presently the little girl said : “It is getting chilly, Uncle Joe; let’s go in.” But the old man went away and did not see her again until evening. Ho bade her “good night," and slowly fol lowed the retreating forms of the two gentlemen, Leyton and Spencer, won dering why she looked so pale to-night and clung so tightly around his neck at parting. He felt a strange chill pass over him whenever he thought of the music, but, by-aud-by, he fell asleep and forgot it all. The threatened storm camo; such a tempest as hail not swept the valley since ils settlement, five years before. But the sun shone out brightly the next morning, and there was one, at least, who hailed its advent with a sigh of re lief; that one was Joe Minion. Crushed, bruised and sorely wounded, he dragged himself from a heap of debris and looked about him. No one was stirring. Near ly all the others hail chosen safer places than he and were sleeping soundly, now that the wild strife which had taken place so lately between the elements had ceased. How was it with little Lita? With an effbrt ppor Joe sat up and looked. W'nern had stood a dwelling-place In st night v,s only a heap ot ruins now, “Lita I Lita 1” called the old man pit eously, but there came no answer. 011 his hands, with all his remaining strength mustered into the effort, he crept to the spot. No child was there. Slowly, every hrenth n pain almost un endurable, ho drew himself to the top of a log to look. He saw her, and was not long in gaining the spot. Taking one limphntid in liisnnd clasp ing it tightly, lie sank down at her side, though there was a smile upon his face; the pain was all over. He had followed his little „friend in her long, long journey, had gone into that other coun try. A little later the miners, awakened oy the faithful Nauuon, who had just recovered sufficiently to crawl from the ruins, began a search for Hie missing. Away beyond the scattered remains of the cabin they found them—the two so strangely contrasting; ono so old and gray, the otic r like a gleam of light as she lay upon a Vied of tangled grass aud shining sand, tho pallor of death upon tier fair, young face, and the glory 0/ Iho sunshine in her golden hair. The bate Madame Anna Bishop. Madame Anna Bishop, the singer, died at her home in Now York on Tuesday night. She lmd been sick only three days. On Sunday she accompanied her husband, Martin Schultz, to church and upon returning home she found awaiting her in her parlor an old friend, Mrs. Laird, mother of Colonel George Laird, whom she had not seen fur many years. She was overjoyed at the meeting,-and the two, seating them selves upon a sofa, talked over their friendship of past years. Madamo Bishop suddenly complained of a severe pain in her head, and in another mo ment, lifting her hands, fell back uncon scious. She remained in Ibis state (ill her death, which her physician said was produced by apoplexy. She leaves 110 children. Tho body will be buried in HlO village cemetery at lied Hook, Dutchess County, N. Y., where Mr, Schultz has a summer home. She will he laid beside her son, who was buried there some years ago. Madame Bishop’s maiden name was Anna Rivero. She was born in London in 1814, and at nil early age married Sir Henry Bishop, well known as a composer, conductor and ns the amingpr of the Sicilian air to which Payne wrote the words of “Home, Snoot Home.” Madame Bishop first appeared on the concert platform in 18.17 and some years later made an extended lour in the course of which she visited this country in company with the cele brated harpist Bose.ha. In 1850 she gave a series of concerts in New Ymk, which were exceedingly popular, Since that time she has appeared in nearly every country in the world, and lias snug iu nearly every civilized language. The incidents of her life anil travels were in loresling in the extreme and few women were moro'entertaiiiing than she as con versationalists. Her last lour around tho world was begun in 1875, ami siuco its completion she has lived in New York with her second husband, Mr. Kelmllz, whom she married in 1858. Her last appearance in public was at Stein way Hall in 1883. - Tribune. bxelnsimi of American Products. The bill reported to the United States Senate from the Committee on Foreign UelutionH, by Senator Miller, of Cali fornia, in response to a resolution of the Senate of January 22 last, directing that committee to report such legislation as shall protect the United States against thosv governments which have prohibited or restrained the importation of meats from tho United States, provides that there shall be instituted, under the di rection of the Secretary of the Treas ury, a system of inspection of salted pork and bacon intoded for exportation, ami to bo exported within sixty days after the date upon which the same may have been salted and packed, so that the fact of the innoxious and wholesome character of the article shall be. estab lished by the best, highest and most re liable proof, this inspection to lie made at the principal ports of the United States by the customs officers; also that Hie President of the United States lie authorized at his discretion to exclude from the United States by -proclamation any product of any foreign State which by unjust discrimination prohibits tho importation of any product of the United States. It, provides further that tlie importation iuto the United States of anv adulterated or unwholesome food or vinous, spirituous or malt liquors, adulterated or mixed with any poisonous or noxious chemical, drug or other in gredient injurious to the health, shall hereafter be prohibited under penalty of fine or imprisonment, or both; the Presi dent to be authorized in his discretion to suspend the importation of articles of this character by proclamation when he becomes satisfied that they are adulter ated to an extent injurious to tho health of the public. l’nu Veil. —Two young ladies, well known in South Boston circles, will shortly assume the white veil and enter the novitiate of the Order of Notre Dame. Both were in love with an aet( r, and both received bis attentions. When they discovered that he was a married mutt they decided to renounce the world, GOING ALI. TO PIECES. Oncol IlieNofrri Ador I'oolc’n I'ntrllrnl I Jolt CM. j Foote, tho English comic actor, made n wager that he would upset the dignity of a certain head waiter at the principal hotel in Bath, who had the name of lio ing the most dignified man iu Britain. Foote went to the hotel with three friends—au engineer who had lost an 1 eye, a cavalry officer who had lost an arm, and an old sea Captain who had lost a leg. Tho precious quartet en sconced themselves in the four coru j ers of the room and bawled for tlio ; waiter who came in with a more than ' ordinary assumption of dignity, as a ! tacit pretest against their unceremonious treatment of him. “Waiter 1” cried the one-eyed engiueer, “come and take off my eyeglass;” adding, as the waiter swelled with indignation, “and while you're about it, just take out my eye.” “Your eye, Sir?” echoed the startled dignitary. “TVs, my eye; don’t you understand English ? Look sharp.” Eyo glass and glass eye came away together, and the waiter reconnoitred them doubt fully as they lay in the palm of his hand, like a man eyeing a watch that has suddenly stopped. Just then the one-armed dragoon shouted in his turn; “Waiter, take off my glove; and now, that I think of it, take off my arm.” Glove aud hand gave way at the first touch, aud the waiter, appalled to see his customers all tumbling to pieces like a mosaic puzzle, was turning hastily away when the one-legged sailor roared: “Waiter, pull off my starboard boot,aud you may us well pull off my leg, too.” The fioor waiter sliudderingly complied, mentally repenting every prayer he could think of. Instantly tiff? previously loosened straps of the cork leg gave way, and down went the man of dignity on his august back with the artificial limb quivering in Ins clutches. It was enough. Forgetting everything in his agonized longing to escape from tho chamber of horrors, theill-slarred waiter, casting a terrified glance at the frag ments which strewed the carpet, sprang toward the door. But before he could reach it Foote himself—tlio length and flexibility of whose neck might have aroused the envy of an ostrich —twisted his head right round over his shoulder, and called out in a voice hollow and un earthly enough to frighten a Bengal tiger, “Waiter, come and take off my hat, and while you’re at it, take off my | head 1” Human nature could bear no more The martyred waiter gave one yell worthy of a Cherokee Indian and made but a single bound from the top of the stairs to tlio bottom, upsetting not only his dignity, but himself so thor oughly that to the day of his death he was never was quite his own self again. Reading That Ruins. SENSATION AT. AND TRASHY LITERATURE WHICH DEMORALIZES THE YOUNG I'EOrLE “About half a dozen of the sensational papers of this city,” said a New Y’ork stationer, “have a circulation of over | 500,000 copies weekly. Tlio circulation ; rises and falls like the mercury in a I thermometer. When blood, murder and j captured maidens fill every jingo the I presses are kept hard at work, but if any thing like sensible matter is published, which takes place only once in the his tory of a paper, the circulation goes j flown. Tho most blood-curdling, im | probable stories are the best for the pub- I Ushers. Tho work girls are the readers that make papers pay best. “Millions of copies of sheets of this description are sold weekly. The boys’ papers arc trashy arid sensational enough. I will admit, but they are eclipsed by tbe journals for young women. The plots of the stories are sometimes ex tremely offensive, the dialogue is senti mental to ail idiotic degree and the de scription of the personal appearance ot the hero and heroine often occupy half the serial. There is not a working girl iu New York city who docs not purchase two or three of these papers every week. Of late years the illustrated police week lies have begun to bo rend by boys of a tender age. Of all evils this is the greatest. A good many newsdealers, however, refuse to sell a copy to miners. ” A Dakota Blizzard. A letter from Dakota, describing a bliz zard, says that when one of these fierce storms attucks a section it grows cold very rapidly, Nothing can keep a man from losing his way in a ldizzard, the snow is so blinding, and no clothing will save him from freezing liuless lie can find shelter. The writer says: “To live in these blizzards is almost an im possibility. No horse can be made to face the blast, and only men who have long been accustomed to the rigors of the North can breathe in them. There is something suffocating about the wind. The nostrils and tongue seem ready to congeal and tho eyes ache far hack in their sockets. Ten feet away may yawn a chnsm, yet the driving snow will hide it from view. There is a ringing, roar ing noise, such as is sometimes faintly heard under telegraph wires on a clear, i cold night. At times the roar of the storm will resemble nothing so much ns 1 soaping stenm, like a thousand Jneomo | tivos blowing off at once. When this dies out for an instant the ringing noise j will rise aud fall, sometimes a [brick and I sometimes a bum,” NO. Hi. Varieties in Fashions. A long narrow scarf mndo of jotted net* with or without an edging of jotted lace, will he worn in tlio street around tho neck instead of the Spanish lace scarfs so long in vogue. Jotted net plastrons iu heart shape, pointed or square, in a soft puff, nro made with a standing lace band or col lar to put on over any simply trimmed dress of blank silk, surah, or satin. These cost from $3.50 to §7 in tho shops. A Moliero vest of jetted net laid over silk anil edged with jetted lace may he made of a fourth of a yard of jetted net, mid is a pretty and dressy addition tc black corsages. An entire basque of jetted net without lining will he used in the summer just as Jerseys are, with skirls of black silk or satin that may or may not have dra pery of this net. Sometimes such a waist is made to fasten behind. There should be a separate lining of satin surnli to be worn under this transparent waist, aud this mny have the sleeves only basted in, so that.they may be easily removed to lenve thiu net sleeves; there mny also be a yoke cut separate at the top of a low lining, which can he used or not, as the wearer wishes-n high lining for the daytime, or only transpar ent net over the neck iu the evening. The neck and sleeves are trimmed with full frills of jetted lace. White pique collars for ladies are now made in all the shapes that are fashion able for linen collars, but those in the high close gnrrot shape are prcferied; these have square pique cuffs to match. Collin buttons of old silver, with de signs of antique heads, are made to match tho coin pins and bracelets now in use. ()ne of the novelties in millinery is a cork foundation or frame of the bonnet covered over with a thin veneering ot wood. New basket straw bonnets are bronzed or gilded, and are now made so fine and pliable that they are bent into small crowns and used as the smallest capotes, with n cockade bow of ooqueli cot velvet rildion for trimming. Persian vests are added to new basques of Jersey cloth, and these are some times made of iridescent beads iu Per sian designs and colors.— Harper'a Hu zar. How Belli Became n (Senator, At a meeting of the Washington Press Club the other night, Col. Wiutunmitb told this story ; “I was a candidate for Senator from Kentucky in I87l>," he said, “when J told one story that defeated me, hut 1 can tell it. now without any such danger. One day I was in the gallery of the Sen ate when McCreery, of Kentucky, rose to make a speech. Every Senator on the floor sought the cloak room, except his colleague, Garrett Davis, and the President. J could not help that, hut when the stampede from Iho galleries began I felt that my opportunity had come. Jumping to my feet I shouted: ‘Senator McCreery is a Kentuckian, so am I. The first man who moves out of this gallery shall die.’ All took their seats under duress, and for more tliau five mortal horn's even we sat still, lis tening to his address. When it was over I lowered the pistol, which I had held ready in my hands, and the crowd started. With a gesture one man stopped the rush. ‘Col. Wintcrsmith,’ lie said, ‘we have staid here under duress at your request. Now let me ask you a favor.' ‘lt is granted before it is asked,’ I said, not to be outdone in courtesy. He went on : ‘Col. Wintcrsmith, we have been here nearly six hours, because we pre ferred to stay rather than be shot. But, if this emergency ever happens again, wo nsk you simply this—shoot, without any parley.’ Some newspaper men got hold of it. McCreery’s men were so angry with me that rather than seo me elected they turned in and chose Beck. '’ A Start in Life. “Well, son, did yon get any cases to day ?” asked a father of a son who had been admitted to the bar about six months ago. “No, father; none yet. I am very much discouraged.” “Perhaps yon don’t use the proper method to get eases. You should never appear upon the streets without carrying in your hand a sheet of cap paper folded up so as to look like a legal docu ment; rush about ns if you were loaded down with business. When in your office and anyone comes in, he busy writing out a deed or something, and when in court never fail to cook your feet ii)i on the table, brush up your hair and look wiser than tbe judge ifyon can. That’s the way those fellows who succeed in law so well all do.” Bkpo tkii—“l suppose yon heard about that kissing affair between Gov ernor Crittenden and Patti?’’ Gender ”1 hoard that the Governor kissed Patti before she had time to re sist, but I don’t see anything in that to create so much talk.” Reporter—‘‘You don’t ?” Gerster—"Certainly not. There is nothing wrong in a man kissing a woman old enough to be his mother." Ekiohtened. —A singular accident happened lately at a mill in Nashville, Twin. A workman was thrown toward a circular saw, and, thinking he would strike it died from fright. When picked up he was dead, but there was no sign o| a bruise on his body. THE HUMOROUS HAUERS. WHAT WE FIND IN Till?.!! TO H.IIIM* OVER Tills WISF.II. KEEPING DUCKS. An Irish gentleman visited the munic ipal court, and walking up to the judge on the bench, said : “Joodge, the watlier pipe at tho hydrant beyant me house has bursht, and it lias flooded mo cellar and is drowning mo hius. Me mime is McCarthy, joodge.” The judge sympathized with him, aud was Horry for the damp life his liens were lending, but told him ho would have to go to the board of public works and complain. McCarthy went away, but tho next morning he came hack to the judge and told tho sumo story about the “wuthor” and the “bins,” when the judge said, ‘‘l tohl you to go to the board of public works and tell your story.” “Aud I did,” said McCarthy. “And wliatr did they say ?” asked the judge. McCarthy looked indignant mid said, “The man axed me, ‘McCarthy,’soys he,‘Why in thunder don't you kape ducks ?’ ” now TO lIKOIN HOUSEKEEPING. “You say you want to marry my daughter?” "Yes, sir.” “Arc yon prepared to givo her n pleasant home and tho luxuries to which she lias always been accustomed ?” “I don t believe I nm, sir; I only get seven dollars a vvceli.” “Yes. Well, do you know that young women nowadays expect to begin house keeping in the same style their parents leave off ?” “Oh, yes; I know all about that.” "You do. Well, how can you recon cile seven dollars a week with my sur roundings ?” ■‘I —I thought,” responded tho intelli gent young man, while his face beamed with love and hope, “that we could live right along with you, you kuow, until the time came for you to—to lenve off, and then tho matter would—would sort of regulate itself, you know.” A 11ADGE OP MOURNING. “Well, Brown was a good follow and 1 am sorry he is gone,” said a Western editor to the proprietor of the paper. "He worked hard all his life and died poor, the way of most newspaper men.” “Yes," responded the proprietor, with considerable feeling, "Brown was a good printer aud it will bo hard to fill Iris plane.” ‘ l l suppose we ought to attach some thing to the door in the shape of a Imdge of mourning for n little while,” suggested the editor. “Jl would be a good idea, but I don’t believe there is anything about the place that would answer the purpose, and in the present feeble financial condi tion of the concern I don't feel like put ting out any money for crape.” “No,” mused the editor, “it would bo better to settle up back sulnries first, but now I think of it, I know just the thing.’’ “What is it ?’’ asked the proprietor. "Wo might liaug out ono of the eom -1 posing-room towels.”— Phila. Call. BOUND TO COLLECT SOMETHING. A colored man entered a grocery and asked for a cash contribution of twenty five cents toward the erection of a now colored people's church edifice. "Where is it to he located?” asked the grocer. “Wall, that hasn’t bin dun decided on yet.” “Wliat is it to cost ?” “Hain’t liggered on flat, sab.” “Who is the pastor ?” “Dun forgit ; but I reckon we can find one.” “Who is the head man of this enter prise ?” “De head man ! Wall, Izo bout dft j head man, I reckon.” “I am not satisfied with your explana tions,” said the grocer. “How can I j 1)0 certain that you won't appropriate \ tho money to your own purposes?” "Am flat what bodders you?” “I confess it is.” “Well, sail, wo kin git ober flat purty easy. Instead of mailing a cash contri bution just weigh me out two pounds of crackers wid instrukshuns to turn ’em ober to de Buildin’ Committee. Ize oheerman ob dat committee if T ain’t nobody else !”- Del roil Free Press. THE AMENDE HONORABLE. A stranger traveling 011 horseback through the backwoods of Arkansas was very much impressed with Hie familiar ity that existed between the pigs and the natives. Tho swine a free pasH to the privileges of the house, and seemed to make liberal use of it. Hiding up to a shanty, the stranger asked a tall, unkempt specimen of humanity: “Why don’t you keep your pigs out of your house?” “Look here, stranger,” responded the the Arkansas man, putting his hands in his pockets, “of you mean to say that my family ain’t fitteu for hogs to asso ciate with, just conic out like a man aud say it.” The stranger immediately appeased Hie native by conceding that tho farmer was a fit associate for a hog, and the usual greeting of: “Light, stranger, and have some simmons bedr, Roll a pump kin out from under the bed, and make yourself at Imm. AVlien you first spoke, I thought you was getting some sarcasm on me, aud I don’t propose to take any of that ar.”— A ustin Siflinqs. Mere Inventions. Jf there Is one thing more than anoth er of the regular dreary round of stereo typed lmmor that 1 am rick of, says | Luke Blimp, it is the eternal ringing of the changes on the alleged poverty of the country editor. The country editor gen erally has a pretty good thing of it if job work and advertising amount to any thing. These storiou about a burglar being laughed at by a country editor to, trying to find in the editorial desk at night cash that the editor looked in vain for in the day time, together with all the yarns about cord-wood on subscrip tion, etc., are mere inventions of tho j enemy, who desire to hide the source from which our millionaires soring,